Tashlynn Huntley

Date: Feb. 28, 2017

Brief Thief
A story told from the perspective of (the underwear, the Conscience)

Hey Im Trevor and I am underwear. I was just hiding out in the underwear drawer
with my family spirits and my friends, the reason why I said that my family spirits
is because my family was well thrown away. I still have my friends, Ricky, Jerry,
Barry and Jessica. I had more friends and a best friend at one time but they were
also (sorrowful sigh) thrown out too. One minute I have to cry in Rickys arm,
( awful, wretched cry from underwear). Sorry about that I just still havent gotten
over the fact that my family died when I was 15 years old since I was packaged up
and sold at a store. When I mean that I mean that I was made at a factory and
stayed there for a year because they forgot about me so I guess wait a minute
my parents that I thought were my parents were my adoptive parents. Crap well ok
then sorry allergic reaction right now, (invisible tear runs down his face). [Ok so
the reason why they are like this is because they like to think that theyre humans
even though they know that they are underwear they still like to think that]. Oh
no, Super Bunny is coming! As you heard the footsteps getting louder. You could
hear the drawer creak as Super Bunny was opening the drawer. A little light came
into the drawer lighting up all of the underwear. Super Bunny had to make an
executive decision. As Super Bunny reached down I realized that he was reaching
down for me. He grabbed me and I decided just to flop like normal underwear.
Super Bunny grabbed scissors and started to cut holes in me. It felt like I being
mauled, murdered even worse than those. I needed my friends but I cant go
anywhere. Please somebody help me, I yelled out loud but nobody could hear me. I
decided to let my fate continue, it was painful, more painful than anything that has
ever happened to me. The scissors poked into me again. Another wave of pain
went through me even worse than the one before. Before I knew it I was one his
head. I stretched and bended in so many different ways. It felt like I had put on a
head, and I was put on a head. Super Bunny decided that it was the right fit. He
found the perfect tree so then he could hang me up to make it a little bit looser. [If
you dont know, if you cut underwear and leave out it will loosen up]. I was just
about to fall asleep when this chameleon came and took me from that branch.

Beginning
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I saw something nobody would ever like to see and it was smeared all over my
face. It was gross, wet and brown, it was dang poop. It was disgusting, I felt
violated and abused. I wanted help right now, actually I didnt want help, I needed
help. I started out as a perfectly good pair of underwear and now I am underwear
with holes in me and Im covered in poop. What did my life come to. Didnt that
chameleon know that using me to wipe with is rude. The stupid chameleon
dropped me and picked me back up. I was now covered in poop and grass. As the
pretender started to walk back to a no good rock, the pretender threw me in a
prickly bush. Somebody came and started to talk with the pretender but all it
sounded like was blahs and yawn producing sounds.

Middle
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The pretender picked me out of the prickly branches. I heard some yelling but once
again all I heard was bland noises. I got shoved in what seemed like water with
suds in the liquid. I felt my eyes burning like fire was on them. I was drowning, it
felt like the devil was put inside of me to kill me. I didnt know if I will survive this
one, but yet again I was able to survive the scissors. Then a pointy but yet relaxing
thing started to scrub me to death. Threads started to come out of me, like
nightmares coming out of me. The opportunist took me out and put on a tree.
Super Bunny grabbed me and put me on his face. He started to talk once again
and still sounded like yawn producing sounds. The rabbit jumped a few time and
started to fly, I started to soar like the wind. I saw the city for the first time ever. I
was so glad that I went through the pain, but then I changed my mind because a
bird pooped in mid-air and it landed on me. I hated my life and I changed my mind
about this being worth it. The view was awesome but I still hated my life. Bad luck
kept on happening to me.

Rubric rating submitted on: 3/4/2017, 12:06:21 PM by mark.kinzel@wrsd.ca

4 3 2 1

Content Details of the story Details of story are The story is There are few
Your score: 4 are established, clear and make predictable. Some details or
specific and sense. The story is details may be descriptions. Does
consistent. The generally irrelevant or not flow from
story flows and straightforward from unnecessary. Tends beginning to end,
makes sense. beginning to end. to follow familiar illogical sequence.
Supporting details Writing generally patterns or ideas. Does not get
are consistent and holds the readers May keep the reader's attention
help to develop interest. reader's attention.
story. Writing holds
the reader's
attention

Origination The story has a The story follows a The story has a The story has no
Your score: 4 beginning, middle logical sequence beginning, middle clear beginning,
and end. There is a with a beginning, and end but can be middle and end.
connection between middle and end. difficult to follow. There are some
events, setting, and There is a There is some actions or events
characters. connection between connection between but are illogical or
Characters are well events, setting, and events, setting, and hard to follow. Lacks
 described and characters. Story characters. Story connection between
developed. There is beginning beginning briefly events, setting, and
a well described establishes describes characters. Does
setting. There is a characters and characters and not describe
clear and well setting. There is a setting. There is a characters or
defined story clear and well story problemthat is setting, may just
problem or plot that defined story connected to the give character
flows logically. The problem or plot. The characterbuthas an names. There is a
story problem or story problem or abrupt ending. story
plot is connected to plot is connected to problembutthere is
the character. the character. Story no character
Events, actions, has a logical ending development. Story
details, and/or that resolves the ending does not
characters are story problem. makes sense or is
consistently missing.
maintained. The
ending resolves the
problem and
satisfies the reader.

Sentence Structure Sentences are well Sentences include Simple sentences, Basic and poorly
Your score: 4 formed and flow one complete which do not include constructed
smoothly and vary thought. They begin descriptive sentences, that
in length. They with capitals and language. They often don't make
begin differently use appropriate end generally begin with sense and are
with the correct use marks. They are capitals and use repetitive in
of capitals and have logical, and make appropriate end construction.
appropriate end sense. marks
marks

Vocabulary Words are well- General words are General words are Words chosen are
Your score: 4 chosen. Phrases chosen and used chosen and are often wrong and/or
are purposeful. correctly. Words and used incorrectly at misused. Phrases
Avoids overusing phrases help times. Words and are misused or
words. Words and explain and phrases are simple missing
phrases are used to describe. and/or do not
create imagery describe well.
(mind images)

Voice The story has a The story has The story has some The writing contains
Your score: 4 definite personality personality and personality, but it is little or no
and highlight how shows how the hard to identify the personality. There
the character thinks character thinks and writer. The tone is is no evidence of
and feels. feels. The tone fits apparent in some tone in the writing.
The tone fits the the purpose and parts of the writing. The author tells
purpose and audience. The The author does about feeling
 audience. writing is lively, more telling than without showing it.
The writing comes expressive, and showing feeling. The author does not
to life and is very engaging. The The author cares seem to care about
engaging. author cares about most of the time the topic or the
The author is the topic and about the topic and audience.
invested into the audience. audience.
story can cares for
the charactes and
that shines through
in the writing.

Comments:
Unbelievable, this was so well written. I had to stop a few times as i lost my place from laughing. Great
vocabulary , and extremely descriptive.