Dominguez 1

Ashly Dominguez

Writing 2

Speiser Winter 2017

22 March 2017

Revision Sheet

In this WP2 revision, I focused more on the organization of the essay. I also worked to

make my essay more clear and concise and I also added more evidence where I felt it was

needed. In the process of my WP2 revision, I first started with fixing grammar errors. An

important revision to this paper was editing the citation style. I switched the format from APA

format to Chicago Format for the entire paper. I included end notes and instead of labeling the

last name of the authors for in text citation, I numbered the citations. I feel that this edit was

more effective because it allowed me to learn about a completely new citation style. In this

process I was able to reorganize my paper according to a different set of rules.

I also went after syntax in my sentences that I felt could be fixed. I used Professor

Speisers comments from the WP2 final draft to help guide me through this revision process. I

also edited this writing assignment so that it could be more concise and clear. I did so by

eliminating words that did not fit or replacing words with more effective terms. Starting with my

introduction, I eliminated the specific titles that I had written in my original essay. Instead of

stating Through the analysis of Rhythmic Entrainment: Why humans want to, fireflies cant

help it, pet birds try, and sea lions have to be bribed, an article by Wilson and Cook (2016), and

Life: The Science of Biology, a book by Sadava (2014), I will define viewpoints from a

biologists perspective; And in order to discuss the perspectives of spiritual historians, I will

analyze The Costume of Ritual Dance in Mongolian and Korean Buddhism, an article by Kim,

Cho and Lee (2016), and Dancing: The pleasure power and art of movement, a book by Jonas
 Dominguez 2

(1992), I took out the titles and replaced them with biological texts and historical texts. I

believe this revision was effective than how I previously had it because it not only took up

unnecessary room in my essay, but it also was a little irrelevant to introduce the titles in the

introduction paragraph. I also included more relevant evidence in my essay. For example, in my

first body paragraph I included a specific example of the sub sectional title Action Potentials in

the biology book. I feel this was an effective addition because it provides a better understanding

of what I am discussing in this part of the essay. In my revision, I included a couple more

features about the stricture of biological texts. I stated Not only is the structure organized in

biological texts, but it is also very straightforward and avoids complexity. I feel this was helpful

because it helps contrast the structure from historical texts. I also touched more on the concepts

of discourse community and genre convention. I did so by incorporating better explanations of

what they mean to these genres. This was an effective revision because it helps clear up what

these concepts truly mean. In this revision, I extended my essay a bit by including more context

and support for my thesis. I also added to my conclusion to end off my essay in a more effective

way.