Beruflich Dokumente
Kultur Dokumente
June 2008
Ok, so I was prepping for the June issue of StarChild. The issue that my beautiful readers
dubbed the Father’s Day issue, even though this is chick-lit. Just the thought of devoting an
entire newsletter to all things daddy made me want to barf. I had two inside views into
fatherhood and neither was the stuff of joy and inspiration. But after talking to my friend Shana
and going over the Mother’s Day issue again, taking in the hurt, frustration and bitterness that
came with some of the views and comments that were made, I decided to make a concerted
effort to make this as real and as positive of an issue as I possibly could. And in order to do
that, I had to push past my cynicism, my disappointment and my angst and begin to be real with
myself on what I was feeling and I why.
In taking one for the team, I decided to begin by interviewing men that I felt were great dads.
What is my definition of a “great dad” you ask? Well, it began with me getting warm fuzzies
when I thought of how these men interact with, care for and raise their children. More
substantial than my emotions though is the fact these men:
• are raising (or have raised) God-fearing, well-behaved, well-rounded and happy
children
• fully provide for their children and (where applicable) have learned to keep the
“baby mama drama” in check.
• communicate well with their children, let their children know they are loved and
pride themselves on being there for them in all capacities.
• believe that love is much more than a feeling but an action and have sacrificed for
the sake of fatherhood.
The insight I gained from these men proved to be inspirational. I didn't think I'd be able to
pull off a "Father's Day" issue, but these interviews helped to get me through. As my
cynicism dissipated, I was able to see that the lack of strong black men as fathers is a
myth. They are out there, we just have to focus on them and give them the props they
deserve.
To the fathers who participated and shared with us, we thank you. And in appreciation,
StarChild is giving you a free photo shoot for a family portrait, care of PAPARAZZA.
In the meantime readers, I thank you for your patience, your prayers and your continued
support. As always we hope you find this issue enjoyable.
For Isaiah, the most significant memory will always be when I asked him if he wanted to become a
part of our family. He was a foster child who I counseled for 1 year and grew to love. Walida and I
made the decision to open our hearts to a child who had a difficult road in life. I took him to
McDonald’s for a counseling session. Walida and I put together various pictures for him to view. The
last picture was of Isaiah along with the question “Would you like to be a part of our family?” He has
been with us for 6 months, and while it will take some time for him to adjust we plan to officially
adopt him.
(For my youngest son Elijah) I missed the delivery as I had taken a number of children to an adoption
fair in southern Michigan. When I received the call that Elijah was ready for the world, I left the
children and the other child care workers and made my way to the hospital. I was about 1 ½ hours
away. I missed the delivery by about 10 minutes, but maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing since Walida
required a C-section due to Elijah being breeched. My first thought upon seeing him was that he
wouldn’t be able to walk! He was shaped like a “W” with his feet next to his ears! Now I can’t get him
to sit still.
If you had to give a speech to a group of deadbeat dads, what are two points you would stress?
DB: In the midst of your selfishness, you are shattering the lives of your children! You have missed
birthdays, recitals, snotty noses, and child support payments. But more than that, you are missing the
growth of a person who is carrying on your genes. Whether you believe it or not…no matter what
your condition is…your children NEED you….if not only to “see” you.
For as long as I have known the Moore family, they have always been avid
sports enthusiasts. Larry is very proud of the fact that he, at one time or
another, has coached all of his boys. Their love of sports was an integrated
way for the family to spend time together.
Beyond basketballs however, Larry has always been there for his children and
supported them 110%. He has been a source of consistent provision, making
sure they had whatever they needed while growing up. A source of good
times and laughter, often teasing them and cracking jokes with them, showing
them not to take life and themselves too seriously. Even during times when he
and his boys did not see eye-to-eye, Larry made it clear what he would not
allow and stuck by what he said.
When I found out I was going to be a father, it was more of a surprise than an oops.
My relationship was already heading in that direction, so the pregnancy was like a
gift I knew I wanted, but just wasn’t expecting at that time (SURPRISE!). I knew I
was ready to be a father and I embraced my son’s arrival with joy and anticipation.
It was amazing to witness the birth of my son. I wouldn’t have missed it for
anything. My first thoughts seeing him were “Dang, he’s long! He’s going to be
tall!” And as I held him for the first time I was in awe of how fragile he was and how
much this little person was going to need me.
I've always wanted to adopt. I believe that God has given us, all of us, so much and
we need to help those whose parents have forgotten them. So, five years after the
birth of my son, my (then) wife and I decided to look into adopting a child. When
we met Victoria she was no bigger than my hand, weighing 1 pound and 6 ounces.
She had been born 3 months premature to a mother who had been on drugs. Due to
her birth mother’s prenatal neglect, Victoria was born with Cerebral Palsy and
Mental Retardation. Her lungs and immune system were not developed, she could
not keep any food down, and the doctors said she couldn’t hear or see and would
never be able to walk and talk.
Victoria’s care was exhausting. There were endless doctor’s visits, emergency trips
to the hospital, medical procedures, and sleepless nights. Many people challenged
me on why I wanted to adopt her, but to me she was as much my child as my
biological son. There was never a question as to whether or not I would keep her.
Her adoption became final after Ian’s mom and I divorced. I am her sole guardian..
Though being a single-father father has its ups and downs, nurturing my children
has been a joy. Ian reminds me so much of myself; he is an excellent artist, loves jazz
music, has a good eye for photography and a weird sense of humor. Victoria, on the
other hand, is pure emotion. I believe that one of the reasons God placed her in our
lives is to remind us how simple life can be if we don’t mess it up by trying to have
complete control and over think things.
Some people look at Tori and pity her, but in reality she is the happiest person in the
world. I remember how the doctors said she wouldn’t see, hear, talk or walk. 9
years later she is running, playing, talking, yelling, riding horses, swimming and
definitely hearing. She also has better vision than I have. (Take THAT medical
Before the world was framed,
this little girl was already named.
Innocent little girl, pure in heart.
She loved the Lord from the very start.
Ignorance was her bliss,
because she didn't know the world was not accepting of this.
She was different and stood out.
Through her friends at school,
she learned what worldliness was all about.
She learned that "cotton candy" was "sweet as gold".
On the playground is where she learned the "tootsie roll".
Her upbringing rejected this kind of lifestyle,
so her friendships lasted only for a while.
So desperate to fit in,
she was willing to disobey, the first of her many sins.
Her father didn't teach her the value of her innocence,
so she hooked up with the wrong guys and tainted every part of it.
She formed an identity separate from her own,
cussin’, lying, cheating and on and on.
Meanwhile, through all of this, there was a tugging on her heart.
But when your conscience is dead, you can't feel that part.
Fresh out of high school, she met a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
For 3 years straight, she put up with his loathing.
He sucked her dry 'till she had nothing left.
She cried her last cry, walking away with regrets.
She remembered the One whom loved her first.
Ran back into His arms, free from her past that was cursed.
She learned that the narrow road is the lonely one,
but it was worth the sacrifice to be free and sometimes alone.
He restored her innocence and purified her in a physical sense.
Taught her what real love was and not to look for it in anyone else.
To my natural father, whom is not my real daddy:
it's ok cause you didn't have the ability to die for me, wipe my tears,
or put me in a place where I am finally happy.
To all those who have hurt me, left me, and disrespected me:
thank you cause you've given me a story and now I can fulfill my destiny.
I thank God for my opportunity to share my testimony.
I will never be ashamed,
of what my salvation has proclaimed!! -Taquaryl Franklin
© 2008
Ta’Rez Lee, 37
Father to: Nia, 9 and Ta’Rez Jr., 2
Machine Operator/Steel Drawer
“My husband makes an outstanding father. It's the 100% he gives of himself when it comes to his children that I adore. He's involved with them
everyday, and shows his love and admiration in soooo many ways. I count my blessings that I have a strong, loving, and committed man for
myself and my babies. I wish I could share him with other people, just so they can see and experience a tiny taste of my "Godsend", but no can
do..... I have to keep him all for myself. I just pray that we have other "Mr. Lee's" in this world” – Danyalle Lee
My youngest son, Jameer, was born when I was 25 years old. With both of my sons, I
w as thoroughly excited to welcome them into this world. I pride myself on the fact
that my sons know me as their dad and know each other as brothers, even though
they are by different mothers. I spend quality time with both of my boys and make
sure that they see each other as much as possible.
I can definitely say that fatherhood has changed me. It has made me become more
patient in my life. Dealing with a child sometimes can be pretty challenging, but I have
come to understand that what makes sense to me as an adult does not make the
same sense to the child. So I have to let them do certain things that might normally
tick me off so that they can learn on their own. With children sometimes, experience
is the best teacher.
When I think of the type of father I want to be, I look to the parenting style of my
grandfather. Like him, I am instilling in my children the importance of putting God first
in their life and am also making sure to be the best person I can be so that my sons
can look up to me as a positive and strong role model. In addition to this, I am very
affectionate with my boys; it's nothing for me to hug and kiss them and let them know
I love them.
When all is said and done, my greatest hope is that my children will know and
remember me as being a loving father who was always there for them and who
taught them what it is to be a man.
By: Crystal Alcox
When life gets down and difficult you surely take the lead
The prototype for being a man - and a great dad indeed
My life gets tough - bruises and bumps - they come and I make mistakes
Yet all the heartache and sharp pains fade away when daddy saves the day
You always speak of the memories we shared as if they've gone away
Our love will last - I love our past - but the bond grows everyday
My super hero in every way, from killing invisible spiders
To words of love, your vocal hugs, untangle my life’s quagmires
Memories of you and me indeed are sweet but they can't compare
To all the warmth that fills my heart because of you being there
Now all these cats with all their game can’t destroy my self-worth
You make me feel invaluable - invincible to their words
Your magnificent - a candles lit - NO MAN can hold it to you
I only hope that one comes close to loving me like you do
With pride I bare the "Alcox" name but “Daddys Puddin” I am forever
My name may change, but my title will stay, and that I'll always treasure
Forever your little girl in a way only daddies and daughter can envision
The past fragmented pieces shall keep us close - despite ANY DISTANCE!
You see dad, time doesn't weaken us - our love grows stronger and stronger
This bond we have knows no end, just continues on forever
No matter how far I travel or wander, I know that you’ll be forever mine
Daddies are diamonds to their daughters; best friends - best men - in our eyes
I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm glad to be your daughter
I definitely couldn't have asked for a better man, friend or father!
© 2008
On an All About Me Note…
4. Glory Greens
For some good collard greens without the hours of
preparation, these can’t be beat!
6. Eating healthy
It’s not about sacrificing good tasting food in order to eat healthy. Creativity
goes a long way in the kitchen.
7. My mom
Nothing and no one compares to you, Emmel!
Push presents are the latest gift-giving tradition and commemorate the birth of a baby. The push-
present practice — long performed in countries such as England, Italy and India — has grown over
the past few years, primarily by word-of-mouth. Once a new mother gets her gift, usually jewelry
or some other lux gift, she tells her friends who pass on the idea to their husbands. Often, the
keepsake turns into a timeless heirloom — passed down from mother to child and into future
generations, often on a wedding day or other milestone.
Celebrity trends have also helped to perpetuate this new form of gift-giving. For example, Ben
Affleck presented wife Jennifer Garner with pricey purple jewelry to commemorate the birth of
their daughter, Violet. Sarah Jessica Parker, of ‘Sex and the City’ fame, got a charm bracelet
from hubby Matthew Broderick when son James made his debut.
Most etiquette experts agree that there should be no monetary standard, but an "It's a Boy!"
balloon or a bouquet of flowers from the hospital gift shop isn’t going to cut it. After all, these new
mommies did endure nine months of pregnancy and umpteen hours in labor pains. They deserve
something heartfelt.
If you need somewhere to start, check out these primo push presents:
Thinks that my son is (fragile) and Let him be a boy and not her lil’
don't wanna let him grow up. baby boy
Doesn't see the bigger picture and Stay focused and find her peace
cooperate
Fusses about what I don't do or Show some appreciation. I know I
have not done. Accept what I got do more than 90% of (men) out
to give, I take care of my kids there
Makes choices that will affect my Realize that life is truly short, how
children mentally, emotionally and precious her time on this earth is,
sometimes physically without how paramount it is to her children
considering their feelings first. It’s that she use it wisely and that
rare for her to take a few moments to wasting it should not be an option.
actually think about the possible
negative results when acting on
impulse.
Reader Question of the Month
hell naw, my visions of Will Smith inside of me do NOT make me a cheating wife,
lol...and I know as he's reaching in the air to fill his hands up, he's envisioning Beyonce'
and coming up short, but we have good imaginations!!! :-) Nothing wrong with it,
unless its EVERY DAMN time and you never see the other person and accept and love
what you have...
go out to….