“…more than a magazine, it’s a movement”

June 2008
Ok, so I was prepping for the June issue of StarChild. The issue that my beautiful readers
dubbed the Father’s Day issue, even though this is chick-lit. Just the thought of devoting an
entire newsletter to all things daddy made me want to barf. I had two inside views into
fatherhood and neither was the stuff of joy and inspiration. But after talking to my friend Shana
and going over the Mother’s Day issue again, taking in the hurt, frustration and bitterness that
came with some of the views and comments that were made, I decided to make a concerted
effort to make this as real and as positive of an issue as I possibly could. And in order to do
that, I had to push past my cynicism, my disappointment and my angst and begin to be real with
myself on what I was feeling and I why.

In taking one for the team, I decided to begin by interviewing men that I felt were great dads.
What is my definition of a “great dad” you ask? Well, it began with me getting warm fuzzies
when I thought of how these men interact with, care for and raise their children. More
substantial than my emotions though is the fact these men:

• are raising (or have raised) God-fearing, well-behaved, well-rounded and happy
children
• fully provide for their children and (where applicable) have learned to keep the
“baby mama drama” in check.
• communicate well with their children, let their children know they are loved and
pride themselves on being there for them in all capacities.
• believe that love is much more than a feeling but an action and have sacrificed for
the sake of fatherhood.

The insight I gained from these men proved to be inspirational. I didn't think I'd be able to
pull off a "Father's Day" issue, but these interviews helped to get me through. As my
cynicism dissipated, I was able to see that the lack of strong black men as fathers is a
myth. They are out there, we just have to focus on them and give them the props they
deserve.

To the fathers who participated and shared with us, we thank you. And in appreciation,
StarChild is giving you a free photo shoot for a family portrait, care of PAPARAZZA.

In the meantime readers, I thank you for your patience, your prayers and your continued
support. As always we hope you find this issue enjoyable.

Read and be blessed,

 Derrick L. Britton, 35
Father to: Nafisah, 19; Isaiah, 10 and Elijah, 2
Parent/Student Liaison
“My husband is a great father because it is in his heart to be. It’s in his nature,
I'd suspect, from his mom. You see a good father in a man that loves and
respects his mom. You know he'll treat you right and your children in return.
He is a great father because he WANTS to be. When men get in their head they
want to do something, they'll do it. And he's never had a problem accomplishing
most goals.
He loves kids, and he does what has to be done, when I can't, don't, or won't. I
could not ask for a better partner in this deal called parenting and marriage. I
am forever blessed.” – Walida McClendon-Britton
 When it comes to being a father, who was your biggest role model/influence?
DB: Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable (seriously).

Name one of your fondest memories of your child(ren)....

DB: For Nafisah, my fondest memory was her valedictorian speech for high school graduation. I
reflected on Walida being pregnant with her in high school, and how difficult their life might be.
Nafisah was 11 years old when I first met her at our high school reunion. Listening to her speak, it was
amazing to see her growth and maturity. She is not my blood daughter, but I am PROUD to call her
MY daughter.

For Isaiah, the most significant memory will always be when I asked him if he wanted to become a
part of our family. He was a foster child who I counseled for 1 year and grew to love. Walida and I
made the decision to open our hearts to a child who had a difficult road in life. I took him to
McDonald’s for a counseling session. Walida and I put together various pictures for him to view. The
last picture was of Isaiah along with the question “Would you like to be a part of our family?” He has
been with us for 6 months, and while it will take some time for him to adjust we plan to officially
adopt him.

(For my youngest son Elijah) I missed the delivery as I had taken a number of children to an adoption
fair in southern Michigan. When I received the call that Elijah was ready for the world, I left the
children and the other child care workers and made my way to the hospital. I was about 1 ½ hours
away. I missed the delivery by about 10 minutes, but maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing since Walida
required a C-section due to Elijah being breeched. My first thought upon seeing him was that he
wouldn’t be able to walk! He was shaped like a “W” with his feet next to his ears! Now I can’t get him
to sit still.

Has fatherhood changed you? If so, how?

DB: Change HAS to come along with fatherhood. If you’re not a different person, then you’re doing
something wrong. My children have become my first priority…my own interests get pushed to the
background.

What is the hardest part of fatherhood?

DB: Remaining consistent with discipline! A lot of times, discipline takes up your own precious time
(to watch ESPN or the ball game!).

If you had to give a speech to a group of deadbeat dads, what are two points you would stress?
DB: In the midst of your selfishness, you are shattering the lives of your children! You have missed
birthdays, recitals, snotty noses, and child support payments. But more than that, you are missing the
growth of a person who is carrying on your genes. Whether you believe it or not…no matter what
your condition is…your children NEED you….if not only to “see” you.

Are you leaving an inheritance for your child/children?

DB: Yes, I want them to be able to enjoy the fruits of our labor.

What do you pride yourself most on as a parent?

DB: I am proud that I have earned the opportunity to be the type of father that my Dad was not.
 Larry Moore, 53
Father to: Kian, 35; Timel, 35; Larry Jr., 31 and Emery, 27
Physical Education Teacher / School Athletic Director
“Larry Moore is a good man. The work ethics he learned from his father has been passed
down to his sons. His sons respect him. When you see them together you can feel the love,
they actually like him as a person and wouldn't do anything to disappoint him. They are all
so good together. They talk, laugh, cry, coach drink, argue and enjoy being together. He is a
strong family man and if you get into his circle of friends, he's a friend for life. He was and is
my friend first - then my love.” – Crystal Moore
Larry Moore has received numerous awards and accolades for his excellent
work and dedication as a high school basketball coach. Two of his proudest
moments reflect just why he is being honored as an outstanding dad. While it
was great for him to lead Chicago’s DeSales High School through an
undefeated year (something that had only been done twice in the league) and it
was also great for him to take the team to the Class A state tournament (where
they finished 4th in the state), what really made these moments special to Larry
is that his sons were on these teams at the time.

For as long as I have known the Moore family, they have always been avid
sports enthusiasts. Larry is very proud of the fact that he, at one time or
another, has coached all of his boys. Their love of sports was an integrated
way for the family to spend time together.

Beyond basketballs however, Larry has always been there for his children and
supported them 110%. He has been a source of consistent provision, making
sure they had whatever they needed while growing up. A source of good
times and laughter, often teasing them and cracking jokes with them, showing
them not to take life and themselves too seriously. Even during times when he
and his boys did not see eye-to-eye, Larry made it clear what he would not
allow and stuck by what he said.

As clichéd as it sounds to hear “behind every good man is a good woman”, in

Larry’s case this is an essential truth. His wife Crystal, an avid sports fan
herself, has been the backbone of the family. Rendering limitless love,
compassion and support to her men, she has set a standard for her sons of what
it means to be a good mother as well as wife. And after years of being the
only woman among them, it seems that the playing field has leveled. Two of
their sons are married with children, bringing 2 daughters AND 2 GRAND-
DAUGHTERS into the Moore fold.
 Terrence Bailey, 46
Father to: Ian, 14 and Victoria, 9
Entrepreneur/State Farm Insurance
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greatfather
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keephim.”
him.”
––Mary
MaryBailey-Cartwright
Bailey-Cartwright
(As told to StarChild by Terry Bailey)

When I found out I was going to be a father, it was more of a surprise than an oops.
My relationship was already heading in that direction, so the pregnancy was like a
gift I knew I wanted, but just wasn’t expecting at that time (SURPRISE!). I knew I
was ready to be a father and I embraced my son’s arrival with joy and anticipation.

It was amazing to witness the birth of my son. I wouldn’t have missed it for
anything. My first thoughts seeing him were “Dang, he’s long! He’s going to be
tall!” And as I held him for the first time I was in awe of how fragile he was and how
much this little person was going to need me.

I've always wanted to adopt. I believe that God has given us, all of us, so much and
we need to help those whose parents have forgotten them. So, five years after the
birth of my son, my (then) wife and I decided to look into adopting a child. When
we met Victoria she was no bigger than my hand, weighing 1 pound and 6 ounces.
She had been born 3 months premature to a mother who had been on drugs. Due to
her birth mother’s prenatal neglect, Victoria was born with Cerebral Palsy and
Mental Retardation. Her lungs and immune system were not developed, she could
not keep any food down, and the doctors said she couldn’t hear or see and would
never be able to walk and talk.

Victoria’s care was exhausting. There were endless doctor’s visits, emergency trips
to the hospital, medical procedures, and sleepless nights. Many people challenged
me on why I wanted to adopt her, but to me she was as much my child as my
biological son. There was never a question as to whether or not I would keep her.
Her adoption became final after Ian’s mom and I divorced. I am her sole guardian..

Though being a single-father father has its ups and downs, nurturing my children
has been a joy. Ian reminds me so much of myself; he is an excellent artist, loves jazz
music, has a good eye for photography and a weird sense of humor. Victoria, on the
other hand, is pure emotion. I believe that one of the reasons God placed her in our
lives is to remind us how simple life can be if we don’t mess it up by trying to have
complete control and over think things.

Some people look at Tori and pity her, but in reality she is the happiest person in the
world. I remember how the doctors said she wouldn’t see, hear, talk or walk. 9
years later she is running, playing, talking, yelling, riding horses, swimming and
definitely hearing. She also has better vision than I have. (Take THAT medical
Before the world was framed,
this little girl was already named.
Innocent little girl, pure in heart.
She loved the Lord from the very start.
Ignorance was her bliss,
because she didn't know the world was not accepting of this.
She was different and stood out.
Through her friends at school,
she learned what worldliness was all about.
She learned that "cotton candy" was "sweet as gold".
On the playground is where she learned the "tootsie roll".
Her upbringing rejected this kind of lifestyle,
so her friendships lasted only for a while.
So desperate to fit in,
she was willing to disobey, the first of her many sins.
Her father didn't teach her the value of her innocence,
so she hooked up with the wrong guys and tainted every part of it.
She formed an identity separate from her own,
cussin’, lying, cheating and on and on.
Meanwhile, through all of this, there was a tugging on her heart.
But when your conscience is dead, you can't feel that part.
Fresh out of high school, she met a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
For 3 years straight, she put up with his loathing.
He sucked her dry 'till she had nothing left.
She cried her last cry, walking away with regrets.
She remembered the One whom loved her first.
Ran back into His arms, free from her past that was cursed.
She learned that the narrow road is the lonely one,
but it was worth the sacrifice to be free and sometimes alone.
He restored her innocence and purified her in a physical sense.
Taught her what real love was and not to look for it in anyone else.
To my natural father, whom is not my real daddy:
it's ok cause you didn't have the ability to die for me, wipe my tears,
or put me in a place where I am finally happy.
To all those who have hurt me, left me, and disrespected me:
thank you cause you've given me a story and now I can fulfill my destiny.
I thank God for my opportunity to share my testimony.
I will never be ashamed,
of what my salvation has proclaimed!! -Taquaryl Franklin
© 2008
 Ta’Rez Lee, 37
Father to: Nia, 9 and Ta’Rez Jr., 2
Machine Operator/Steel Drawer
“My husband makes an outstanding father. It's the 100% he gives of himself when it comes to his children that I adore. He's involved with them
everyday, and shows his love and admiration in soooo many ways. I count my blessings that I have a strong, loving, and committed man for
myself and my babies. I wish I could share him with other people, just so they can see and experience a tiny taste of my "Godsend", but no can
do..... I have to keep him all for myself. I just pray that we have other "Mr. Lee's" in this world” – Danyalle Lee

Was your first foray into fatherhood an 'oops'

or was it planned? If planned, how did you know
you were ready? If 'oops', what steps did you take
to adjust? Kind of both... I wanted a child, but
wasn't expecting it to happen at that moment. I
knew Danyalle was the one.

Name one of your fondest memories of your

child(ren).... One memory that really sticks
out, is when my daughter was just a baby, but
thought she was really playing PS2 with me.

If there was one thing that you would want

your children to say about you when you are long
gone, what would it be? I enjoyed every minute I
spent with my daddy.

How do you ensure that your children know

they are loved? I Always tell them

What is something your child does that you

know he/she got from you? My daughter is
always trying to be funny and make people laugh,
and my son loving the BEARS

What is the hardest part of

fatherhood? Listening to everything my
daughter talks about (smile).

If you had to give a speech to a group of

deadbeat dads, what are two points you would
stress? 1) A child being the greatest gift you'll
ever receive in life. 2) How can you go on with
your life, while leaving your child behind?

When it comes to being a father, who was your

biggest role model/influence? My mother

Do you see a difference between a 'father',

'daddy' and 'dad'? A dad or daddy can make a
child. However, a father raises his children.

Has fatherhood changed you? If so, how? Yes,

it has changed me. I'm more responsible, and
take life more seriously.
 Anthony
Anthony Ajibade,
Ajibade, 29
29
Father
Fatherto:
to:Anthony,
Anthony,66and
andJameer,
Jameer,33
Sales
SalesConsultant
Consultant
There’s something about seeing Tony interact with
the boys that puts a smile on my face… hearing the
way he talks about them warms my heart. He knew
he helped create two beautiful boys and stood up as
a man and is taking care of his children. He is very
involved in every aspect of his boys’ life; there isn’t
a thing that he wouldn’t do for them. He is raising
them to be respectable boys with values and morals
that every man should have. He is what a father
should be, firm yet understanding. It’s very rare to
see a man put aside his needs and wants to do for
his child but I’ve seen Tony do this on numerous
occasions and believe you me there’s nothing like it.
They way they look at him and get
excited….watching them interact is amazing and I
am so, so proud of him as a man and father.
-Antoinesse Wooley
I am a proud and devoted father of 2 sons, ages 6 and 3. My oldest son, AJ, was
born when I was 23 years old and just graduated from college. Because my jump
into fatherhood was not planned, it put me into a situation where I knew I had to
become a little more serious about what I was going to do with my life. After speaking
with my mother about my situation I gained a better understanding of how my current
wants and needs would have to be put on the backburner once my son arrived.

My youngest son, Jameer, was born when I was 25 years old. With both of my sons, I
w as thoroughly excited to welcome them into this world. I pride myself on the fact
that my sons know me as their dad and know each other as brothers, even though
they are by different mothers. I spend quality time with both of my boys and make
sure that they see each other as much as possible.

I can definitely say that fatherhood has changed me. It has made me become more
patient in my life. Dealing with a child sometimes can be pretty challenging, but I have
come to understand that what makes sense to me as an adult does not make the
same sense to the child. So I have to let them do certain things that might normally
tick me off so that they can learn on their own. With children sometimes, experience
is the best teacher.

When I think of the type of father I want to be, I look to the parenting style of my
grandfather. Like him, I am instilling in my children the importance of putting God first
in their life and am also making sure to be the best person I can be so that my sons
can look up to me as a positive and strong role model. In addition to this, I am very
affectionate with my boys; it's nothing for me to hug and kiss them and let them know
I love them.

When all is said and done, my greatest hope is that my children will know and
remember me as being a loving father who was always there for them and who
taught them what it is to be a man.
 By: Crystal Alcox
When life gets down and difficult you surely take the lead
The prototype for being a man - and a great dad indeed
My life gets tough - bruises and bumps - they come and I make mistakes
Yet all the heartache and sharp pains fade away when daddy saves the day
You always speak of the memories we shared as if they've gone away
Our love will last - I love our past - but the bond grows everyday
My super hero in every way, from killing invisible spiders
To words of love, your vocal hugs, untangle my life’s quagmires
Memories of you and me indeed are sweet but they can't compare
To all the warmth that fills my heart because of you being there
Now all these cats with all their game can’t destroy my self-worth
You make me feel invaluable - invincible to their words
Your magnificent - a candles lit - NO MAN can hold it to you
I only hope that one comes close to loving me like you do
With pride I bare the "Alcox" name but “Daddys Puddin” I am forever
My name may change, but my title will stay, and that I'll always treasure
Forever your little girl in a way only daddies and daughter can envision
The past fragmented pieces shall keep us close - despite ANY DISTANCE!
You see dad, time doesn't weaken us - our love grows stronger and stronger
This bond we have knows no end, just continues on forever
No matter how far I travel or wander, I know that you’ll be forever mine
Daddies are diamonds to their daughters; best friends - best men - in our eyes
I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm glad to be your daughter
I definitely couldn't have asked for a better man, friend or father!

© 2008
 On an All About Me Note…

10 Things I’m Really Feeling

Right About Now….
1. Nehemiah 8:10
Because the joy of the Lord IS my strength!

2. Just for Me Texture Softener

When I want to elongate my curls without changing their
texture, this product is the only one I trust.

3. Jon and Kate Plus 8

(TLC Channel)
Watching a sweet and down to earth couple manage
twins and sextuplets (without going crazy) reassures me
that I can sanely manage one child. ☺

4. Glory Greens
For some good collard greens without the hours of
preparation, these can’t be beat!

5. Guys who read, love and support StarChild

Only one word for this….AWESOME!

6. Eating healthy
It’s not about sacrificing good tasting food in order to eat healthy. Creativity
goes a long way in the kitchen.

7. My mom
Nothing and no one compares to you, Emmel!

8. Barack and Michelle Obama giving each other dap

Witnessing a power couple use the gesture so lovingly confirms for me that change really IS
coming to the White House.

9. Take a Bow – Rihanna

How come I didn’t know about this song during my last
break up?

10. Las Vegas

This is the only place I can think of in the USA that
does not have crazy weather conditions (I.e. tornadoes,
floods). Viva Las Vegas for REAL!
 When my son was born 5 years ago, flowers seemed to be the obligatory gift from the new dad to
his wife. Now it seems a new tradition has been ushered in where the old standards like flowers
and teddy bears are out and the “push present” is in!

Push presents are the latest gift-giving tradition and commemorate the birth of a baby. The push-
present practice — long performed in countries such as England, Italy and India — has grown over
the past few years, primarily by word-of-mouth. Once a new mother gets her gift, usually jewelry
or some other lux gift, she tells her friends who pass on the idea to their husbands. Often, the
keepsake turns into a timeless heirloom — passed down from mother to child and into future
generations, often on a wedding day or other milestone.

Celebrity trends have also helped to perpetuate this new form of gift-giving. For example, Ben
Affleck presented wife Jennifer Garner with pricey purple jewelry to commemorate the birth of
their daughter, Violet. Sarah Jessica Parker, of ‘Sex and the City’ fame, got a charm bracelet
from hubby Matthew Broderick when son James made his debut.

Most etiquette experts agree that there should be no monetary standard, but an "It's a Boy!"
balloon or a bouquet of flowers from the hospital gift shop isn’t going to cut it. After all, these new
mommies did endure nine months of pregnancy and umpteen hours in labor pains. They deserve
something heartfelt.

If you need somewhere to start, check out these primo push presents:

Tiffany & Co. Celebration Rings

What woman doesn’t love something
with the Tiffany & Co. seal of
approval? Like babies, none of these
beautiful rings are quite like the other.
Ring by ring, you can create your
own unique stack. Turn each of life’s
important moments into stunning
brilliance.

Coach Signature Diaper Bag

Perfect for the stylish new
Jennifer Meyer Initial Necklace mom! Coach’s diaper bag is
New mom Nicole Richie incredibly roomy featuring
wears this gold and several pockets for baby’s
diamond pendant. The necessities, a diaper changing
pad and a zip-top closure. At
dime sized 18K yellow gold approximately $400, it’s good
disc hangs in the center of a to know that once baby has
16" 18K gold faceted ball outgrown needing a diaper
chain. bag, the bag can also be used
as a laptop carrier.
With so many single parents at odds with one another, we did a short,
down and dirty survey to try and find out what makes baby daddies tick
and what just ticks them off. Here are a few of their responses…

I hate it when my I wish my child's

child’s mother…
Tries to find out who I'm dating
Doesn't communicate with me
about my child.
Does things to try to manipulate
my time with my kids.
Lies about stuff and tries to get
over and… pulling a fast one.
mother would…
Call more often about my child
Understand that we are both
parents and that we need to make
decisions together.
Grow up and realize its not about
her or me, but the kids.
Give me custody of my child.

Thinks that my son is (fragile) and
don't wanna let him grow up.
Doesn't see the bigger picture and
cooperate
Fusses about what I don't do or
have not done. Accept what I got
to give, I take care of my kids
Let him be a boy and not her lil’
baby boy
Stay focused and find her peace
Show some appreciation. I know I
do more than 90% of (men) out
there

Makes choices that will affect my
children mentally, emotionally and
sometimes physically without
considering their feelings first. It’s
rare for her to take a few moments to
actually think about the possible
negative results when acting on
impulse.
Realize that life is truly short, how
precious her time on this earth is,
how paramount it is to her children
that she use it wisely and that
wasting it should not be an option.
Reader Question of the Month

While my husband and I both love

and respect each other, we both have
had serious indiscretions in the past.

I’ve heard that some celebrity couples

are in “open marriages” and am
thinking about this as an option for
my own infidelity-plagued marriage.
Thoughts?

Please send your responses to our new e-mail address:

Please send your responses to our new e-mail address:
Starchild.pub@gmail.com
Starchild.pub@gmail.com
 Answer(s) of the
Month
“Not wrong and (totally)
Last month we asked our readers the following advisable. (It) can spice
question: things up. I know I've
had a Boris, Morris &
Is it wrong to fantasize about another
Mike Ealy moment
person or something you liked in a porn or 2!”
movie to help you along when you are
making love to your significant other? Is
it advisable?
Here are some of the answers we received…

“Heckie nah...Better yet...pull out

the camera and reenact the same scene and
play it for both of you...anything to spice it up or to keep
yourself or your partner satisfied is what matters anyways!

I think a healthy imagination is a great thing. Not

If you need to fantasize about
only is it advised, I highly recommend it. I say
something ELSE while your getting
thank God, for wigs, toys and chocolate body
busy that kinda defeats the purpose of
paint. I personal think lack of creativity in and
choosing that person, doesn't it?
out of the bedroom is one of the main reasons that
people (men and women) stray. But if you have
to think about another person every time it comes
I don’t have that problem and for that I consider
to gettin' busy, you may have to re-evaluate your
myself truly fortunate to not have to think of
relationship.
someone else to enhance my love making pleasure. I
do feel that if I found myself needing to go there to
reach my peak, I would need to sit him down and
have a serious discussion about how to take care of
There's nothing wrong with fantasizing. Hey,
my needs.
sometimes you need the extra imaginary person
to help you along. It's only natural, and you're
not cheating :)

hell naw, my visions of Will Smith inside of me do NOT make me a cheating wife,
lol...and I know as he's reaching in the air to fill his hands up, he's envisioning Beyonce'
and coming up short, but we have good imaginations!!! :-) Nothing wrong with it,
unless its EVERY DAMN time and you never see the other person and accept and love
what you have...
 go out to….

God, Pelen, Larry, Mary, Terry, Walida and Derrick,

Cereza, Rico, Luv-Bug, Aunt Crystal and Uncle Larry,
Dee-Dee and all of our fabulous readers at Woodland
Daycare, Angel, Mocha Li, Ta’Rez and family, the
makers of Vicodin, Tee Tee Wes-wee, Success
Barber College, Pooh, Helaynia and cutie pie Cam,
Mo Hair Beauty Salon, my increased patience,
Chanelle, Chocolate Pudding (the game), Ian and
Tori, my S.Carters, Wicker Park Splash Pad, Imps and
Emeralds, Ms. Mistee, Crystal “Crissy” (welcome to
the fold!☺), shana p, my mom’s world famous
cabbage, Vokka and fam, massaging shower heads,
Will and Grace, Tamecika, Shiree, Victor Glory,
Taquaryl and Master Jordin, Byata, The Sex and the
City movie, Pethuel, Steph, Chelle, Sonja,
dlisted.com, Mother Dear, Ms. Ernestine, Robee and
Solea, Tony Ajibade (congrats on the new gig!), My
brother Mike (reppin’ the U.S.), Tyra, Niyoki, Marlo,
Lynn, Djuana, Tone (my pops!), Stacie, the YMCA,
Cresia and last but certainly not least - - all haters.
Daddy,
I thank you for life, I thank
you for lessons learned. I
thank you for opening up to
me for the first time in ever.
Because of you I realize that
it is more important to me to
be understood than to be
perfect. I cherish you as
you are and pray that joy be
yours for now and for
always.
-Brandee Cartwright ☺