Beruflich Dokumente
Kultur Dokumente
LeMin
Copyright 2006 by Jessica A. LeMin
Love is love
or is it lust?
I can't remember which one of you
I should trust
Is it the man with the smirk behind the podium
Leading thousands into his own personal war?
Or is it the preacher who prays
With one eye open and one foot in the grave?
You know the one who takes your money and
Drives away in his Mercedes Benz
While you recycle cans and bottles
Just to have a meal on your plate.
Either way this is getting to be one bad joke
When 90% of the country wants to grab them both
Around the throat
I believe it's time to cast another vote
Or should we wait until that right
Becomes a mere fairy tale
To tell the grandchildren of our children?
A great big "I remember when..."
Talk about irony....
Is the being
Like a goddess,
I want to capture her
And dip her in gold
For I’d never use anything less
Than gold
To lock in her beauty.
I want to make her my own personal statue
And place her on the shelf
Of my heart.
I want to take her and put her
In a large glass container
And hold her up for the world to see
To show them that she is mine
And then I’m gonna run like hell
Take her with me
Hide her
And put her in the cage of my mind.
So That’s What it Feels Like
I'm in my house,
air conditioner blowing on a hot day,
The oily smell of ground beef cooking
on the electric stove
"Glory Glory Hallelujah" bellows from the
television
over the tick tock of my walls clock
The first president I ever really knew of
has just died
His wife stands dignified
just at the the top of the stairs
on the arm of a true military man
Innocence is a crime
Used to avoid jail time
You must be a rapist
Rid the world of another “fag”
You’ll get the medal of honor
It’s the Olympics of extinction for the human race
Everyone’s running
But no one knows why.
Lost in a nightmare
An alternate reality
Everything is backwards
And nothing makes sense
My head is pounding
My soul wants out
Out of this body
This moment
This lie
That has become
My life.
Painter
I sit at my desk
Like a painter at his easel
My brush in hand
Lined canvas
Ready to go
Spirit spills out
Onto paper
As if this pen were connected
to the river of blood
pumping straight from my heart
music inside of my mind
like an orchestra of passion
a passion that drives me mad
to create something beautiful
like the beauty
I feel inside
The beauty I feel when I look
into each of my lovers eyes
I am a poet.
This is my craft.
The gift I carry on my back
Like atlas and his boulder
But I know in the end
At the top of my mountain
I will a find a sky
Lined with words
Line filled pages become birds
Trees made of sentences
And this overwhelming feeling
Of truth.
Untitled
A.
I have been so afflicted
By the way that I am
So easily affected
Every time I am witness
To injustices
That it pains me to breath
It refuses me sleep
And causes me grief
This world which resides
Outside of me.
B.
Are you walking through life?
Eyes wide shut?
Hands stretched out?
Mindless and sheltered?
Or are you in as much pain
As me?
The Apple
He sits nonchalantly
At his computer desk
Arm draped lazily over the chair
Clicking on their pictures
Trying to find new ways
To penetrate them
Like a stalker
Profiling their next victims
Each one smiling
Not knowing what they’re in for
The physical beatings he gave her
Mental tearing downs he gave me
But he’s smooth
And I’ve been forced silent
I want to warn them
But I’m bound by the emotional restraints
That he’s put on me.
CULLEN
In his world
Seagulls are beautiful, mystical creatures
Unlike the nuisance like vultures they are to us
I can't think
instead I zone
venturing into the depths
of the unknown
forgotten
like a stranger
who travels alone
thoughts dip and swirl
spiral and whirl
when I return the only
thing that remains
through hazy fog
is the outline of a girl
the one who exists
only in my mind
the one, that I ,
may never find.
My life is intertwined
Between illusions and realities
Confused by their many similarities
Of rarities and unique abilities
To suck you in
Chew you up
And spit you back out
Just like the gum on the bottom of a child’s shoe.
Yes, I remember…
Stop!
Stop fighting life’s little enjoyments
stop using anti-bacterial soap.
Bacteria is life, and you are killing it
See, the older I get
The younger people think I am
Because I, unlike you, allow myself to be a child
Adults are nothing more than big children who
take pills to stop their desires to play
Playing is for the careless and irresponsible.
Go!
Play tag when the street light comes on
Turn back the hands of aging with home made
mud pies
Go, dance under the moonlight
And stop dying,
start living!
Come Inside
truth be told
I could spend forever
lost in the 3 ft. deep stairs
leading
into the ocean of your soul
and never grow old
Miles of trees
stand still, in observance taking in
all that has happened. Until the day
they will be cut down, only to end up as
a page in my notebook
life changes with each breath inside and out
before and after
there's history in this air
in these trees
and blowing through the wind
Capturing the Moment
I always say
that I want to go
go?
The word rolls feverishly off of my tongue
as I salivate over the idea of leaving
No more needing
of drugs
which cause dry heaving?
Because this time
I swear to God!
This time, really,
I'm leaving
Shoving my shit
in a bag
this time I've had all the
bullshit I can eat for one life
You say I'm running away
and giving up
but giving up to me
would be to stay exactly where you
want me to
wrists rested on hip
my head tipped
yes this time
I'm leaving
but oh no baby,
I'm not retreating
just closing and completing
another chapter in my book
and now that it's over
I can't believe that all it took
was to take that step
1st the right then the left
so tell me, what exactly is it that you have left?
have you won?
did you have fun?
Now it's my turn to be the one
who declares?
when this little game is done
I always say I want to go
and look at me
yes now I am gone
on a journey that promises to be far and long
but none the less it is a journey of my own.
Serenity-the Dessert Poem
Clouds hover
like guardians over deserters mountains
casting shadows that translate into
symbols and tell stories
of the earth
Trees climb to peaks that humans
have yet to seek
The cactus sport sprouts
Take on statuesque poses of ancient warriors
captured in time
Trains carve their way through empty valleys
that appears to never end
road signs are proof that human
existence lurks just on the other side
of eternity
The oxygen is free here
and doesn’t have to come from a tank
Life stretches out and yawns like a big cat
along lazy roads
I may not have a place to reside
but I am quite at home inside
of this greyhound bus
Travel is my love, my passion, and my lust.
Keep Moving On
In East LA
the homeless lay
on blocks of concrete
that line the street
fighting not only the heat
but the voices
that control all of their choices
crack filled veins
ride on metro-like trains
Downtown the glamour is gone
along with the sun
which is nothing more than a shadow
on neck bent back so high buildings
Fire trucks scream and cops demean
the importance of others
Where I come from this
is considered to be much worse than
anything they've ever seen
except for the streets of New York
yeah they can be mean
but the kings and queens of the myrtle beach scene
the royalty of those on the redneck Riviera
would be scared’ a
the air I've breathed
and scars that hide under just barely tucked away
under my sleeve
but oh no not me,
I take the bus, I take the train,
I walk, and I thumb
just like, every other "bum".
Cut Deeper
Moving, moving
everything is always moving
the rattle and hiss of the train are noises
which are now soothing
no more fear of the life I have found
Here amongst the stars
and famously homeless
hanging out in bars, riding in cars
its as alien as mars,
people sit, on red velvet lined plastic seats
tap their feet, to the beats
that beat in mp3 players
each of us are merely players
in this game, each of us wait for our turn
at whatsoever shall come later
and isn’t it later already?
in a world of terrorism and Bush-ism, we wait
for whatever cataclysm will be next
and it feels as if i've been vexed
to feel the fear, that I feel
as the train moves on
the rattle and hiss
the only thing that keep me moving.
1 AM
at 1 am
down six and main
the rattle of old shopping carts rain
fill the streets as mom and pop
push and pull their hopes and dreams
they wear what is probably their Sunday best
even though they appear to be a mess
hair greasy
labeled as sleazy
their lives are anything, except for easy
asleep during the day
on concrete sidewalks they lay
hustle and trade
it's the American way
provide others with what they need
just to feed the hunger
death nibbling at their feet
so hard to get a job
when they all think
you're going to rob
their stores so instead they slam doors
and continue to blame you
for your situation.
what kind of nation
have we become
to turn our backs
just like that
on our neighbor
because they harbor
the burden of traveling by foot
have nothing
no one
We carelessly shower the rich with
free gifts
won't reach our hand into our pocket
to give a bum a quarter, oh no, no food, no clothing
not even a small glass of water
the irony lies in making a struggling man's life
harder until the whole world is watching
then we all become martyr’s
and yes ladies and gentlemen this is just for starters
see we teach our sons and daughters
that people like that are either lazy or crazy
but I believe the smoke and mirrors of life has
made your vision
oh so hazy
because when I see a bum,
I see ME when I was young.
the loneliness of having no one
the pain I pretended wasn't there
the drugs I turned to when I didn't want to care
the eyes that laid and would invade
every orifice crack and crevice
in a stare, judging and assuming
why I was there
No one knew of the years
of abuse
and those that did called it an excuse
well excuse me isn't this supposed to be America?
land of the free?
Am I the only one with eyes that see
how selfishly we treat
our brothers & sisters that live on the street
you know it pains me to believe
how easily we as a society can deceive
ourselves
into thinking
that this will all disappear just by blinking
and turning our heads
keep on walking past the woman
who is talking about the condition of her being
head pounding drum like symphonies in her head
like a zombie
her body is alive
but her soul which was crushed
so long ago remains dead
sleep it away in the comfort of your bed
300 count thread
lined sheet front page covers
cover the sores on her feet
and i wonder
how you'd be if you were she?
would you?
could you
if you had to, make it?
could you take it?
if you had to live
your life
on the street?
Mud Flap Fantasies
I never thought
I would really find someone who could
Accept me for who I am
For the shit I endured when I was supposed to be a
kid
Someone who would mother a 26 year old child
The way I should’ve been mothered at 4
Someone who would openly call me on all of my
bullshit
No matter how hard I tried to get one over on her
But maybe that’s why I so comfortably and eagerly
Wanted to marry her
And why I have no doubts that we will last
forever.
Revisiting An Old Friend
I used to believe
That sooner or later
I would be rescued
From whatever type of terrible events
Were taking place in my life
At any given time
I’d retreat into nothing more than the air bubble
Inside of a thought moving through out my body
And try to escape out through the nostrils
While riding on the back
Of a single breath
Hover above my body
And Wait
Waiting
Hoping and waiting some more,
For anyone to discover my body
Have sympathy for me, Ache for me, hold me
And nurse me; heal me from all that ailed….
Job Hunting….
Rappers of today
Talk about the same subjects that the “beats” of
yesterday did.
They just say it with music behind them
Using their words to get attention and “bling”
Unlike Bukowski and Kerouac
Who lived it on the sides of roads, dirty hotel
rooms, and strangers backseats
Then wrote about it on 300lb typewriters
Not for attention but for release from the intensity
that their
Thoughts and feelings plagued them with.
Take Time To Be Kind
I can’t explain
The distance that remains
Between my heart and yours
I know that I don’t want to breath
Without you
Not even one single breath
But then again I feel the fear of being left
At the alter
On the alter,
To feel the sacrifice of my soul
So for that reason alone
I believe it’s time to go
Without a word, I will sneak out into the night
My back pack intact, I will keep walking
Until I feel the warmth of the sun’s light.
I Can Make You Cum
I speak
No one listens
It’s as if I am mute
And only speaking silently within my head
I walk alone with only my shadow to keep me
company
Drowned by a thousand voices in a sea of a
thousand strange faces
All penetrating my soul
I know that although
I’m surrounded I am alone
Nothing will ever bring me back
To the world I retreated from
So long ago
And for that reason I will never have a home or
Anything that I can ever call my own.
Cherish The Love
Fear of falling,
Fear of heights
I’ll stand on the edge of forever
As long as we’re together
Don’t leave me
Standing alone
With only my shadow in the middle of the night
And I’ll give you the rest
Of my life
With your arms around me,
a shield,
From all of the hurt,
Of all of the years
Love like ours doesn’t just burn it seers
And I love the way you love me
I love the way we are
So don’t ever give up, because I’ve already fallen
Entirely too far.
Safe With You
My eyes dance
Around the crowded train
Stealing for just one second
A moment of their lives
Shared glances, some of which are stares
At me, away from them (the others) out of the
window,
Eyes fixated on the floor
Face read
Mind revisiting a time and a place
Already passed,
As I wonder
How much longer it will last
Our brief existence together
The hiss of the brakes & chime of the bell
Return me all too suddenly to the present
A world forever changing
Once familiar strangers exit,
New ones enter
And the pull on the car against the tracks rushing
below
Tell me that once again
It’s time to go.
Where Is The Fat Lady?
Maniacal laughter
Echoes from my brain
Life’s been sabotaged once again.
I’ve become more of my enemy and less of my
friend
Decisions of my past
Continue to haunt
Dance around and taunt
But there is no escape
No hero
In a cape.
This is my hell
365 rounds a year and still no bell
The towel was thrown
So long ago
Yet the ref seems not to know
And will it never end?
Until my mind is blown across the earth
that has become my boxing ring
So tell me where is the fat lady to sing
The sounds of my revelry.
In Your Eyes
In my mind
With you as if you were the one
I look into your eyes
I see the pain inside
The pain you try to hide
Try to deny
And I wonder if this is the beginning of the rest of
your life
It was a being
Which now likes to hide
The real me barely a child
I try and I try
To make my life into something other
Than the shit it is
That I am yours & not his
Or hers, or theirs,
But instead you climb the stairs
in fear of whatever it is
That you see
Instead of the being of me
Leaving me just as they all did
ALONE
When I was young,
I looked forward to being grown
No one to cause me hurt or pain
Yet here I stand, crying, feeling insane
And there you sit
Already over it
And I wonder what would happen if I were gone?
Would you ever realize that you were wrong?
That I am innocent and sweet, in need of love
A rose,
Or a hug.
I’m addicted to your love, et already you’ve quit
me
As if I were a drug.
A Life Unwanted
I see a face
in the cloud
and it reminds me of how
far I've come
from being a bum
yet being in love
with no one in particular;
life itself
and it makes me wonder
what happened to the happiness
that accompanied my innocence
dancing in the sky
as friends gone by
and I lie
on our backs against the cold earth
creating our own smoke filled visions of what will
be
with the warmth of our breath
the only light showing is the red embers still
glowing
of the cigarette or joint we've just thrown
the things we worried about
seem so far gone, and I wonder
how in the hell its been so long
since we've seen each other
the face in the cloud has moved on
and so must I until the chance
that life gives us one more opportunity to dance
with one another the way we danced
when we were young
The Pit
People stare
oh how people stare
but really. Do people care?
To hear my story
and all that came
before me
getting on this train
no, no, because i am strange
I see the world through eyes of a soul
that is old
older than my body
cocky bitches sport shirts that read “hottie”
wonder why they're attracted to my boyish charm
the older people ask, why I have a naked woman
on my arm,
I smirk, and I smile
fore i too will stare
I'm not afraid of their judging eyes
their minds already formulating lies about what it
is that I do
but believe me when this encounter's through
you'll be thinking about me longer than I'll be
thinking about you.
The Perfect Drug
death death
i hear it knock on my door
it is here
it is there
it is all around
I see it in the over powering darkness sneaking
up on a sunset
like a roaring ocean
angry and fierce
Death Death
the sound of the footsteps
pound in my ears
there will be more with each
rising year
Every time it strikes I fear it more
and know that its
just a matter of time before
mine is here.
Passion
Everywhere around me
phones are ringing
Uncle Sam and big brother
are on the line
singing the chorus'
to troops
to come and "join us"
stand up for your country
with a big salute
in your nicely pressed camouflage suit
Not just for you but for me
and our families
friends and strangers
no time for anger
so many lives are in danger
the boat will be pullin' up its anchor
and its all aboard sailor
lock up your trailer
3 months till whenever
before I'll see you again
so take good care big brother, of my friend
Because she answered your call
to fight the fight for us all
America wake up!
Nervous
Bouncing volts of electricity
Charging!
Full speed ahead
Randomly, through my veins
Somebody help
Pull me out
Quicksand of stares
I feel it burning through
Everyone’s watching
All eyes on me
Pounding
Sweating
Nervousness
I have to go
Surrounded
Suppressed
Clamped
I can’t breath!
SURROUNDED
I can’t hear
I can’t see
Cloudy vision
Don’t look at me!
Like a multi-ball round of pinball
STOP!
The madness
It’s like being shown
Too many pictures at one time
Hearing too many radio stations simultaneously
And then the real panic
Creeps
And leaps
Upon me
Wrapping its hands tightly like a noose
Around my neck
Choking me
The army in my heart begins to attack
And even though all I want
Is to
GO
My body remains frozen
Paralyzed
Unable to move.
Oh leader?
Lou Layton
Dr. Sylvia Baer
Deborah Pace
Margaret Campalonga
Mandana Ighani
Debbie Boss
The Miller Family
The Family of Haydee & Agustin Rosado
Alicia Anthony & Family
The Scali Family
Diana Sullivan
Hope Norman-Holt and family
George Georgalas (Rest in Peace)
Dennis, Sean, Melissa, and Jennifer McHugh
Caroline Aufdemorte
Joe Singleton
Dr. Joe Manganello
Richard LeMin
Elizabeth Gentile
The Surrano Family
Jennifer Rogers
Rachel and E.C. Hood
Cassandra Furco and Greg Edwards
Schuyler Byrne
Or via postal mail: Jessica LeMin, 5953 South Side Drive, Los
Angeles, CA 90022.
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