Erika Tilley

Professor Presnell

UWRT 1104

24 March 2017

Children and Divorce

Upon the increasing divorce rates, more and more children

are growing up in single parent households. Take me for example,

I grew up with a single mother working third shift with two other

siblings. It was not only very hard for my mother but for me as

well being the oldest sibling of the three. I was the only one

out of my friend group that had a single parent, so my whole life

I compared my living situation and life to my friends. My whole

life I have been told that because of my mothers divorce I have

a higher rate for divorce myself. My only question was, why? What

about her life affects my life?

My parents got divorced when I was five years old. My father

was abusive to my mother and I. Once I started to grow up and

look just like her, he would hit me because I resembled her. My

parents divorce was definitely a necessity, I really think that

it is a special situation in terms of the effects of divorce on

children. My parents didnt just get a divorce because they grew

apart but it was for the sake of my life and my mothers life

that they divorced. I really want to know why children with

divorced parents are more likely to get a divorce.

Divorce Over Generations?

In 1970 divorce rates were around 12% in the United States,

since then divorce rates have leaped to around 25%, according to

David Demo. David Demo has a PhD in human development and family

studies. He is the associate dean for academic administration and

professor of human development and family studies. From 1970 that

is only roughly 40 years and the divorce rates have doubled. What

does this say about America and our commitments? Demo says that

by nearly 60% of American children will live in a single parent

household before the age of 18. That number is astonishing. A

book written by Judson Landis, The Pattern of Divorce in Three

Generations, directly correlates the effects on divorce rates

among generations of families. Saying, that if your grandparents

ended up getting a divorce, your parents had a higher chance of

being pre-disposed of getting a divorce, in return causing the

likelihood of you getting a divorce to be sky high.The generation

effect causes children to think that it is their destiny to get a

divorce. This is apparently the most detrimental effect on

children. Knowing that if their grandparents and their own

parents couldnt maintain a relationship, that they most

certainly cannot either. This puts immense pressure on the

children and anxiety. This in turn causes them to question their

ability to hold a committed relationship or even see themselves

being successful in a relationship. Also, Judson Landis, a well

renowned professor who received a PhD in sociology at Ohio

University and a MA in sociology at Ohio State University as well

as a BA in sociology at the University of California, says that

children with divorced parents that have the slim chance of

getting married actually marry another person with divorced

parents. There seems to be a preconceived notion that each other

understand what each other has been through and that they relate

on a different level. They know what they themselves have gone

through and know they can be open and talk with their spouse

about it too. Also they dont think that they have to stay as

committed because the other spouse wont either. This is a very

extreme approach and analysis on divorce.

Attitudes Towards Marriage and Family Life

Paul Amato states that while parental divorce has little to

no impact on adult psychological development, it may affect the

attitudes towards marriage and long term relationships more

subsequently. He says that these differences can seem invisible

until that person reaches early adulthood, ready to enter the

relational phase and/or marriage phase. He also said that

adolescents whose parents had divorced, expressed anxiety over

their own future marriages. This anxiety took two forms: some

adolescents expressed a desire never to marry, whereas others

were determined to be more selective and wiser than their parents

had been in choosing a marriage partner. Also, he discovered that

adolescents from divorced families were just as likely as those

from intact families to want to marry one day however, they also

expressed more caution about entering marriage. This was most

commonly found among the women affected than the men. On average

adults who grew up in divorced families were more likely to

divorce than adults who grew up in continuously intact families.

The statistics for this report came from the Family Formation

Study, conducted by the Australian Institute of Family Studies in

1981-1982. These were the main findings published in Paul Amaros

article on Parental Divorce and Attitudes towards Marriage and

Family Life.

Impact of Divorce on Children

The Ted Talk features Tamara Afifi and she talks about

marriage instability among generations and those affects that it

has on the children that grow up in those families. It goes on to

say that young women from divorced families will feel a need for

love and attention and yet fear abandonment; they will also be

prone to both desire and anxiety. It also says that men from
father-absent homes also experience less masculine sexual

identification and more feminine sexual identification. This can

affect children for life. The children of divorced parents,

stepfamilies, or single parents are less likely to expect to

marry. Afifi states in her Ted talk that Children who have

experienced parental divorce are more likely to expect to

divorce, compared with children of intact families. I think that

this is extremely accurate and agree with her for sure. Children

of divorce also have more negative attitudes towards marriage and

a preference for smaller family sizes, although the negative

attitudes are predetermined by their parents remarriage.

Is Making Divorce Easy, Bad or Good?

In the United States, some states within allow for a

unilateral divorce, which is basically saying that to file for a

divorce, it only takes one spouse to want a divorce to file for

divorce. Opposed to needed both spouses signatures and blessings

to file for a divorce. This uproar Jonathan Gruber states in his

article Is Making Divorce Easier Bad for Children? The LongRun

Implications of Unilateral Divorce, is what causes the divorce

rate to increase dramatically, especially over the past decade.

If only one spouse wants a divorce, they file for divorce and

disregard any efforts to try to work it out amongst their

partner. This shows the children that giving up on marriage is

quite easy and nothing that is an actual commitment to uphold

even when you vow to do so. How can we expect our children to

stay committed to intimate relationships if we cant set an

example for them? Gruber says that things that are worth

something, are worth the effort in fighting for. In efforts to

retain the two parents households, Arizona and Louisiana have

passed covenant marriage laws to where couples receive pre-

marital counseling and the states makes it costly for the

separation period before divorce for the couple. Many other

states have taken this law into consideration to put into effect

in efforts to lessen divorce rates.

Growing up seeing what my mother had to go through and how

it affected my siblings and I. I am going to work so hard to not

let that happen to my future family. I know the statistics and

odds are against me but I personally think that growing up in a

single parent household has actually shaped me into the

hardworking, motivated and determined person I am today. Having

to grow up fast, get a job and help support my family gave me an

early life lesson that you have to work for the things that you

want and appreciate the things that you have. These lessons I

tend to carry over to my marriage as I will work to keep my vows

and not give up so easily.

 As all of the information I have found in my research states

that children are in fact very likely to get a divorce in their

lifetime, however I did not find any solutions to this up and

growing problem. Children are in undoubtedly shaped and sculpted

from their parents. Despite all the evidence that dooms children

with divorced parents and tries to tell them that they are

destine for get a divorce themselves, can be changed. It does not

have to be this way, and I am going to be the poster child for

this. Statistics make it seem impossible for us, but we will

fight like hell to prove them wrong. Numbers cannot define me in

life and I will soon show them wrong. Divorced parents do not

have to take such an influence on children as they do in todays

society.
 Works Cited

Amato, Paul R. Parental Divorce and Attitudes toward

Marriage and Family Life. Journal of Marriage and

Family, vol. 50, no. 2, 1988, pp. 453461.,

www.jstor.org/stable/352010.

Demo, David H. The Impact of Divorce on Children.

Journal of Marriage and Family, vol. 50, no. 3, 1988,

pp. 619648., www.jstor.org/stable/352634.

Gruber, Jonathan. Is Making Divorce Easier Bad for Children?

The LongRun Implications of Unilateral Divorce.

Journal of Labor Economics, vol. 22, no. 4, 2004, pp.

799833., www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/423155.

Landis, Judson T. The Pattern of Divorce in Three Generations.

Social Forces, vol. 34, no. 3, 1956, pp. 213216.,

www.jstor.org/stable/2574039.

TEDxTalks. "The Impact of Divorce on Children: Tamara

D. Afifi at TEDxUCSB." YouTube. YouTube, 20 May 2012.

Web. 20 Mar. 2017.

Revision Paragraph

My first draft of my paper I knew was rough but the little

things that I did not notice became very apparent. Some things

that I would just read over and not notice soon jumped off the

page at me after reading all of the comments. I took account of

this and then made revisions due to the comments my peers

suggested. After I did that, I then emailed my paper to my mom,

my grandmother and my high school english teacher! Of course I

had to give background knowledge on the paper because none of

them understood why I was writing this way. However they made

lots of new suggestions and I have made changes accordingly.

Hopefully this has given me the best paper possible!! This was a

different experience for me as it was a form of writing I had

never written in before.