Van Niel 1

Austin M. Van Niel

AP Literature and Composition
Mr. David Olio
4/26/14
Me, Myself, and I?

Do you talk to yourself? Having a plain conversation with yourself helps you establish an

internal relationship with the person that you will spend the most time with. But just who is this

person? We all have names for our internal beings: the voice in the back of our head, the little

me, or our conscience. These people are very important for us to become acquainted with

since they will help us make all of our decisions and determine the actions we make throughout

our lives. They have been with us since before we knew what words were and have been integral

in the development of ourselves as constructive members of society.

A basic principle of this society is that we have our own privacy. The privacy of our

minds has been something that we take for granted since we first learned the adage if you have

nothing nice to say, then dont say anything at all. This tool for helping toddlers to become more

respectful towards their fellow classmates implies that we have the ability to have predatory or

disrespectful thoughts. Somehow, we keep these thoughts to ourselves without repercussions or

any of the people around us knowing unless we move to tell them, thus allowing us to be free in

our own thoughts.

As science moves closer and closer into being able to turn the private thoughts and

memories into video and sound we may be losing our right to privacy. Polygraph machines or lie

detector tests are the equivalent to stone tablets compared to what may be coming in the next

decade or so, and the current debate over internet privacy in the new world of Twitter and

Facebook will pale in comparison if scientists, lawyers, police, homeland security, insurance
 Van Niel 2

companies, political candidates, employers, or teachers had access to our innermost thoughts

(Hamilton). Our Brains are us, marking out the special character of our personal capacities,

emotions, and convictions, says neurobiologist Donald Kenny, president emeritus of Stanford

University who continues, I dont want anyone to know [my internal monologue] for any

purpose whatsoever. It is my most intimate identity.

To have our most personal thoughts published, and most likely stored on a database

would be an invasion of privacy that dehumanizes the human condition. There is something off-

putting about losing the need for someone to ask how Im doing, and becoming a searchable

person in a database where they can look at how Ive been doing recently to project how I feel

today, just like forecasting the weather. Losing the ability to internalize our thoughts would

completely change the way that we interact with ourselves. Rather than just censoring our speech

or actions, we would begin to censor our thoughts, and thus not allowing for free cognition.This

would presumably lead to an oligarchical structure where there are a few people or organizations

who can decide what it is we can and cannot think about.

Not allowing for free thought will halt progress because at the edge of every discovery is

a controversial idea. At one time the world was thought to be flat, illness was caused by bad

spirits, men were always better than women, and Earth was the only planet capable of sustaining

life. Revelation that these conventions were untrue was at the time a very controversial topic that

ended up with people being beheaded, imprisoned, or ridiculed. This controversial and

contemporary thinking led to investigation, and the realization that these new ideas were correct

all because someone had the audacity to suggest that what everyone was thinking, might be

wrong.
 Van Niel 3

It is this backbone that forced society to question what they thought to be true, and to

make an adjustment once their theory had been proven or disproven. This backbone, stemmed

from a thought. A thought that, if it had been known by the governors of thought may have been

squashed out before the thinker had a chance to explain their thoughts in a less chaotic way than

the multi-streamed plane that is our conscious mind. To look in someones mind is to look into

the depth of their character, their unpublished journal. Free thought is important because it lets

everyone have at least one place of safety and security in their lives, where they wont be judged,

and can comfortably be themselves.

I am an only child, with parents who both work in medical positions and work, shall we

say, random and unpredictable hours. Therefore I have lots of time to talk to myself, and my

relationship with my collective self has benefitted greatly from a lack of distraction. This

increased time has heightened my self awareness and my development of self. Development of

self meaning the internal maturation of my self identity. The relationship I have with myself

shaped me in all of my endeavours because of the acute nature that my free thought has taken.

My heightened sense of self comes from my parents support in everything that I have chosen to

do, which led me to being extremely open minded about all the possibilities are available to me,

which is where my development of self comes in. I have an astute sense of reality and ground, I

know what I am capable of, and if I am not, I know how to set goals for myself in order to

achieve what I can to the best of my ability. I am well attuned to the fact that I will also not

always be the smartest, the fastest, or the best in any group of people but rather my most

advanced skills lie on gathering information from different sources who are experts, and

synthesizing that information as a well rounded group leader.

 Van Niel 4

Others are not so blessed with the ability to know themselves better than they know any

other person. Many people believe that they do not fit into society because of these thoughts that

they have in their head. Some people with mental illnesses have voices or multiple personalities

in their heads and they try to suppress them for as long as they can before seeking help.

Homosexuals feel that they will be discriminated because of their sexual preferences and try to

censor their own thoughts and in turn themselves by concealing their true identity from even

themselves.

Internal thoughts may also present a dichotomy of self where there is a conscious mind,

the dominant self, and the subconscious internal monologue that is not expressed outwardly.

When people conceal their internal monologue, they are concealing the motives and morals that

they truly believe and substitute them for ones that they feel that society may appreciate more.

This is another type of censorship that prevents the world from moving forward and prevents

people from seeing themselves for who they really are and how as themselves they can fit into

society.

The act of controlling ones inner thoughts consequently is reflected on your external

actions. If you are restricting yourself from fulfilling your potential as a member of society then

how can you possibly relate to the human condition of free thought? The relationship that you

have with yourself will influence your actions because it is the way of processing and analyzing

information that may cause you to act in ways that are not compliant with society. Our inner

monologue is how we contend with being human and establishes our most private identity.

Shakespeare's Hamlet contends with the idea of self worth through Hamlets soliloquies,

the most famous of them being the To be, or not to be, where he contemplates his own suicide.

Hamlet has been depressed since his father passed away tis not alone my inky cloak [good]
 Van Niel 5

mother...together with all forms, moods, [shapes], of grief/that can denote me truly,

(Shakespeare 25). This melancholy mood has caused him to be hard on himself and when the

ghost of his father meets him and charges him with If thou didst ever thy father loveRevenge

his foul and most unnatural murder, (Shakespeare 57) and continues to say The serpent that did

sting thy fathers life/ Now wears his crown, (Shakespeare 59) which Hamlet identifies as his

uncle Claudius who has now married his mother and taken over the crown as per the Danish

method of ascension.

This was all very confusing to Hamlet, and since he was the only person aware that

Claudius had killed his brother in order to become king himself, Hamlet took to consulting

himself. This would have made a very boring play to see the actor playing Hamlet just staring off

into space for a few pages, so Shakespeare chose to have Hamlet declare his thoughts out loud to

the audience. In these soliloquies you can see the inner workings of Hamlets mind as he

confronts these thoughts as both the recipient of the information and as the analyst of that

information. Almost like having multiple people in his mind at the same time.

This is apparent when Hamlet starts asking himself questions,

To be or not to bethat is the question:

Whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,

Or to take arms against a sea of troubles

And, by opposing, end them.

(III .i .127)

Hamlet is essentially asking himself whether or not he should just kill himself, or if it would be

nobler to say that he fought on and through fighting, overcame his issues. This internal
 Van Niel 6

contemplation is met by an idea from his subconscious in a revelation which says that death may

not be all that it seems,

To die to sleep

To sleep perchance to dream. Ay theres the rub,

For in that sleep what dreams may come,

When we have shuffled off this mortal coil

Must give us pause. Theres the respect

That makes calamity of so long life.

(III .i .127)

This new strain of his thought was only possible because of his internal monologue working as a

journal where he weighs the pros and cons of his own life and comes upon another aspect of the

human condition, the fear of death (Shakespeare 127).

Death in Hamlets own words Must give us pause, simply because what comes after is

unknown. In Gregory Dorans film adaptation of the play Hamlet this is expressed in conjunction

with the multiple threads of thought by cutting the scene, and changing the perspective on

different sides of his face, and one of the thoughts has much darker lighting with David Tennant

using a heavier tone to his voice without changing the character completely. This emphasizes the

idea of death being an unknown because it looks as though Hamlet is peering into the darkness

and sees nothing.

Hamlets relationship with his unconscious self was strong enough that he convinced his

conscious self to not commit suicide because his subconscious presented a fear that they both

have. Robert Sylwester said in one of his articles that our [subconscious emotions] tell us to

stop doing what we are doing, and to attend to [a] more important challenge, and
 Van Niel 7

[subconscious] arousal doesnt define or solve a challenge, but rather it activates attentional and

problem solving processes, (Sylwester). Hamlets subconscious was aware of this innate fear of

the unknown that is part of the human condition, and brought it to the attention of his conscious

mind, which was disputing his will to live and to pay attention to the fact that he has no idea

what happens after death. This activated the memory that his father charged him with avenging

his murder, and for the time being, stopped Hamlets eventual death.

Hamlets relationship with himself revealed an aspect of the human condition. This action

stayed his hand when he went to kill himself. He came to terms with his own mortality and then

internally evaluated his decision to end his own life with a reflection of himself; his

subconscious. Whereupon consulting this alternate self he found that he was afraid of death and

chose to continue living to avenge his fathers death. This process was all possible because his

relationship with himself was strong enough that he could influence his own actions based upon

this fear that he found within the human condition. Even though he outwardly wanted to die, and

to take Claudius with him, his innermost identity wanted him to live. A dichotomy that almost

shows two distinct and different personalities.

This differs from having a mental disorder because people who are described as having

multiple personalities, usually have a dissociation associated with their personalities. The

medical term is called dissociative identity disorder and is characterized by the presence of two

or more distinct and separate personalities. The main difference between people with this

disorder and Hamlet are that their individual personalities do not communicate and have no

relationship with each other, besides sharing the same body. Individual personalities have their

own age, gender, race, postures, speech patterns, or may be non-verbal, they may also be a real

person, an imaginary character, religious figure, or animal. These personalities are also unaware
 Van Niel 8

of the others and are often confused about the large gaps in time that they may experience

(Manton).

This complete lack of a relationship with themselves causes some behavior that the

original personality may find appaling or a lack of phobias that other personalities may have. An

example that Sean Manton used in his journal article was from a woman he identified as Jocelyn

who had four identified personalities. One of which was an angel who valued purity, chastity,

temperance, and had an extreme aversion to fire. Another of her personalities was a prostitute

who refused to come outside when the sun was up and had prescription medication, heroin, and

pain addictions and would often burn herself for pleasure.

Hamlet does not have these extreme differences in his conscious and subconscious and

has a strong relationship between them that allowed him to receive, interpret, discuss, analyze,

and react to the situation in the way that was best for himself. Dr. Tony Di Carlo says that our

conscious mind is well attuned to differentiation and component isolation, symbolization,

comparison, measurement, and linear deduction, (Di Carlo 3). Meaning that it is a very logical

process that is very attuned to receiving information, separating it, finding out what it means, and

acting out what an appropriate response is.

The principles that Di Carlo was explaining are evident in Dostoevskys Crime and

Punishment where the main protagonists thoughts most often come in a monologue with very

logical steps. Dostoevsky has mastered the art of the stream of consciousness writing style to

make it seem like real thoughts as opposed to what many English teachers call word salad,

representing the use of words, just to say words. To use Dostoevskys phrase, Rodion

Romanovich Raskolnikov has been contemplating an act, for some time now. When it is

revealed that he has been contemplating a murder, the reader barely has time to overcome their
 Van Niel 9

shock at what they now see as an eventuality in the book before he does murder Alyona and

Lizaveta Ivanovna.

In the subsequent scene after the murder, Raskolnikov is using all of the skills he learned

at university, in terms of problem solving. He is focused on hiding the evidence and in his

learned mind he works through it very logically, Pieces of torn linen couldnt arouse suspicion, I

think not, I think notanyway! (Dostoevsky 90) and later Then a strange idea entered his

head; that, perhaps, all his clothes were covered with blood, that, perhaps, there were many

stains, that he did not see them, did not notice them because, his perceptions were failing, were

going to pieces his reason was clouded (Dostoevsky 91).

This scene demonstrates the conversation that many people have when solving a

problem. I utilize a similar method of problem solving, especially in physics, because of my

hyper-developed sense of self. I will typically look at a problem and try to analyze it from all

aspects to see what equations come to mind. This is a very abstract process, something that your

inner-self, or your subconscious, is very accomplished in. From there I have what I tend to call a

conversation with myself, I try to take as many steps forward in my thinking as possible to see

which method will be the easiest and most efficient use of my time. From there, my conscious

self takes over and solves the problem, with the help of a calculator most of the time. More often

than not my internal self has to convince my conscious self to start the problem because even the

most simple way will take a lot of effort and time. My conscious self can sometimes throw

tantrums.

Both of these instances reveal how our internal monologue thinks in a much more

rational way than our external selves. Raskolnikov acted very imprudent and fiery when he killed

Alyona and Lizaveta Ivanovna. But in the aftermath, his mind was telling him the steps that he
 Van Niel 10

needed to follow to have the greatest chance of getting away with murder. The relationship that

Raskolnikov had developed with himself was vital to his evasion of the law. It not only analyzed

the situation that he was in, but also gave him a list of steps to follow to create the most desired

result. In this case, hiding his involvement in the murder from law enforcement.

Raskolnikovs actions were influenced by this relationship because they were necessary

for what he interpreted as survival. If he were caught by the police he would be interrogated and

sent to a Russian prison in Siberia. Essentially, it would be the end of life as he knew it. He

would lose his sister, Avdotya (Dunya), and his beloved mother Pulcheria, whom he has a very

strong relationship with, that greatly affects his character. His internal self knew that his external

self was panicking, and would only cause a negative reaction if it also responded in an emotional

manner. Therefore in order to preserve Raskolnikovs life, his subconscious responded in a

logical manner, which would have been impossible if he did not have a relationship with himself

that he developed at university and throughout his life.

These responses relate to the human condition of self-preservation. Hamlets

subconscious prevented him from committing suicide when it revealed a fear that was deep

within his psychology. Raskolnikovs inner self calmed him with cold information when he was

having an emotional reaction to a situation. My inner self works to keep me grounded when Im

solving a difficult equation because it knows that I will be in a better standing if I work through

the problem. Our subterranean selves are all working to preserve our current standings in our

lives. They are working to maintain a social and physical equilibrium by sending our conscious

selves messages based on our previous interactions with ourselves.

One thing about being a subconscious person is that they have no direct control over our

conscious selves. They only act in a consulting capacity when they try to affect our actions. The
 Van Niel 11

inner self works to stir or enhearten ourselves to make something seem very desirable or

undesirable. Since the subconscious is also a human, it is subject to all of the faults of human

character, including making mistakes. It can overcompensate and make something seem overly

desirable or make fallacious statements in the conversations we have with them.

As an Eagle Scout and an avid hiker I am often taken advantage of by my inner self. The

type of hiking that I participate in is a very high endurance and extended trek. I will hike

approximately twenty-six kilometers per day for anywhere from twelve to thirty days. Over this

period of time I will consume from three to five thousand calories per day in order to maintain

the pace. Even with this calorie intake I will lose quite a bit of weight. The first three kilometers

each day are always the worst because that is before my subconscious kicks in and tells me that I

have to keep moving forward.

This statement is untrue in every sense of the word. I do not have to move forward, I do

not even have to go on these trips, but my subconscious is tricking me into feeling that

continuing is desirable because it knows from my past experiences that I will enjoy looking back

on a trip and saying that I accomplished something. I may have been feeling pain and despair

during the hike and my subconscious understood what I could not at the time, being that it is a

completely objective entity within myself. The past experiences set precedent for how it will

interpret all new experiences unless I fight my subconscious.

Hamlet was fighting with his inner self throughout the play and the inner conflict defined

his character within the context of his intrapersonal relationship. Tis not alone my inky cloak

[good] mother...together with all forms, moods, [shapes], of grief/that can denote me truly,

(Shakespeare 25) is the first expression of his internal conflict. This set precedent in the play for
 Van Niel 12

whenever Hamlet thought something was not going his way, his inner self would retreat into a

dark place, leaving Hamlet in a foul mood.

This quote also begs the question of what form do we communicate with ourselves. Does

our subconscious communicate with words or images or a combination of both? I have a family

friend who is blind, and I met him soon after he went blind. He has no image of me in his head

that he can call up when he hears me speak or someone mentions my name. I asked him what he

sees in his minds eye, that is to say his internal self, when he hears me speak or my name and if

there were any images or words that came to mind. He said I have a general description in my

head from what other people have said you look like, but I mostly have just thoughts of your

voice and the words you say. Words seem to come to mind more than images, I do see you but

it is just a general shape of what a person should look like with no discerning features,

(Nicewicz).

On the opposite end of the spectrum there is a fellow student who is deaf, and has been

for his entire life. He does have cochlear implants but he says I rely on my processor and

implants for about fifty percent of everything that you hear, and then I read lips for the other fifty

percent. But if I cant see you, then I will only catch fragments of what youre saying and will

need you to repeat them, (Slocum). He is in the unique position to be able to turn on and off his

ability to hear words and sounds, and despite this I can rely more on images because I know

that I am seeing them correctly. To him, they are a tangible equivalent to sound that last longer

than it takes for a sound wave to pass by so his mind can catch them.

I asked both of them what they used in their minds to communicate internally and their

responses were completely opposite. My family friend said that he used mostly words through

speech in his head because that was how he was able to communicate with the world around him
 Van Niel 13

now. He also said that sensation was very important because that was his physical interface with

his surrounding and sometimes he thought in terms of touch, especially when experiencing new

things (Nicewicz). My classmate said that he would mostly think in images because that was the

most reliable source of information and this prevented him from making a lot of mistakes. In

addition he mentioned that he was visual learner and his mind had adapted to learning the most

information from images and diagrams (Slocum).

After these interviews I began to think about what format my inner self would

communicate to me in the most. What I discovered was moderately surprising. I say moderately

because I really have known about it, just never really thought about it because it has just been a

constant flow of information into my brain for the greater part of my life. My inner self seems to

separate everything that it has to communicate to me into two sub-genres; concrete and abstract.

Concrete thoughts are ideas that make sense to me, ideas that my subconscious is

completely convinced that I will understand with just an explanation, and that an image would

only serve to confuse me or is unnecessary because of my understanding. For these thoughts my

mind uses words because it will take less time for me to understand them because they are a

short representation of an image that I know so well that I no longer need to recall it.

Abstract thoughts are ideas that I am still learning, or are learning for the first time. My

conscious self is having trouble understanding something and since two minds are better than

one, queries my subconscious to help better understand what it is seeing. My subconscious will

then create an image or diagram that correlates to the concrete ideas that my conscious mind

already understands with the new information integrated in. This way I can grasp what I do not

understand in terms of what I already understand. So in my mind, everything is interconnected,

 Van Niel 14

whether it be by a pneumonic device or a representation of what I feel the way something works

is through an image.

Hamlet is having difficulty understanding what it is exactly that he is feeling because he

does not really have words to describe his confusion over his family situation. Tis not alone my

inky cloak, (Shakespeare 25) refers to Hamlet feeling that his sadness is a veil that is covering

his true self. His mind is using images to express the sadness that he cannot express in words. He

feels not only mournful over the death of his father but he feels smothered by it. The inky cloak

is dark and lets no light through. Hamlet can no longer see the good that can come of the world.

Even when Ophelia offers some distraction as his love interest in the play he simply

pushes her away with crass jokes about her saying,

No good mother. Heres metal more

attractive [Hamlet takes a place near Ophelia]

Polonius: Oh ho! Do you mark that?

Hamlet: Lady, Shall I lie in your lap?

(III. ii. 143)

Hamlet is making inappropriate advances on Ophelia for a man who has not known her very long

and for someone of Hamlets position of prince. When Ophelia rejects him, he simply blames his

father for dying for putting him in such a foul mood even though it had occurred two months

prior and he now knew that Claudius had killed him.

Hamlet also mentions then theres hope that a great mans memory may outlive his life

half a year, (Shakespeare 143). This is his brain dealing in something that he feels is concrete.

He has seen that when people die the memories made about them fade as the period of sorrow
 Van Niel 15

comes to an end and therefore feels that his father will fade as Claudius gets credit for being king

and replaces his brother on the throne.

Hamlets subconscious is stymied by the precedent he set at the beginning of the play that

he was going to be depressed at the mere thought of his father. He is unable to overcome these

thoughts because they are all that his inner self has been able to feel and tell to his conscious.

Even when Ophelia offers distraction he keeps getting images about his fathers death,

something that he does not quite understand, in his mind in conjunction with the words of his

ghost father saying If thou didst ever thy father loveRevenge his foul and most unnatural

murder, (Shakespeare 57). These words are a concept that he understands, but lacks the

knowledge to move forward with these thoughts and put them into actions. Consequently,

Hamlet is consumed by his will to understand which he expresses as an inky cloak.

The idea of pressure from under the inky cloak is compounded by the fact that his

mother is now sleeping with the person that killed her late husband, Hamlets father the king.

This same person has now claimed the throne as the rightful king which Hamlet knows to be a

fallacy. His inner self wants to avenge his fathers death by any means necessary. His conscious

feels smothered by this responsibility and does not feel the moral exactitude that killing Claudius

is the best way to avenge his father.

The division of thought also troubles Raskolnikov when he contemplates turning himself

in for the murders of Alyona and Lizaveta. His subconscious is pulling for him to not say

anything because it will mean the end of his life as he knows it, which plays into the human fear

of the unknown. His conscious feels remorse for what he had done to these women and feels that

he should do what he feels is morally right and turn himself in and accept the punishment for his

crimes.
 Van Niel 16

Within himself Raskolnikov is facing what his collective conscious and unconscious

believe to be a life or death situation. Which puts a lot of weight on his conscious, because it will

be the one making the decision that will change the outcome of the rest of his life. Dostoevsky

brings this struggle to the reader's attention in the passage that reads Where was it,

Raskolnikov thought as he walked on, where was it that I read about a man condemned to death

saying or thinking, an hour before his death, that if he had to live somewhere high up on a

cliffside, on a ledge so narrow that there was room only for his two feet--and with the abyss, the

ocean, eternal darkness, eternal solitude, eternal storm all around him--and had to stay like that,

on a square foot of space, an entire lifetime, a thousand years, an eternity--it would be better to

live so than to die right now! Only to live, to live, to live! To live, no matter how--only to live!

(Dostoevsky 158).

This power struggle occurred inside Raskolnikovs mind as he was walking to the police

station to confess his crimes to Porfiry Petrovich, the magistrate in charge of the murders.

Raskolnikov feels the need to confess but begins to regret his decision once he starts for the

station. He wants to live no matter the cost in his subconscious, but his conscious feels the need

to confess because he wronged the people he killed.

The conundrum that Raskolnikov is contending with indicates that his subconscious and

conscious are both in conflict with the motives and morals of the other. His subconscious is

thinking very plainly and in black and white. If he confesses, his life is over and there will be

nothing that he can do to get the life that he had before back, so essentially Raskolnikov will die

in the sense that he will cease to be everything that he is now. He will become someone

completely different. His conscious thinks in a much more humanistic way, that if he does not

confess then the weight of the murders will consume him, not unlike Hamlet and the inky
 Van Niel 17

cloak. He feels that he should confess because it will release his mind from confinement, and let

him escape from moral doom. This doom being how he has damned himself to an eternity in hell

(Dostoevsky 399) in the eyes of the Russian Orthodox Church, which was the church his family

belonged to when he was growing up.

Raskolnikov does not confess to the police, but rather to Sonya, the love interest for

Raskolnikov in Crime and Punishment. Not only did he confess the murders, he also confessed

that he felt disenfranchised by society and that he killed them for the money (Dostoevsky 395) as

well as his detachment from other people and feelings of superiority (Dostoevsky 397) that are

not reflected in how people treat him (Dostoevsky 396).

If you are familiar with psychology, you may be having an epiphany as your

subconscious is reminding you of the word psychopath. It may be speaking to you in the words

from your textbook or in images from the many movies that utilize psychopaths as the main

antagonist. You would be correct in saying that Raskolnikov does follow much of the criterion

for a psychopath. Specifically: failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful

behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest, and perjuring

himself because he refuses to admit to these acts. Consistent irresponsibility, denying that he was

the one to commit murder and consistent failure to hold a job. Explosive irritability and

aggressiveness, as exemplified by his cynical view of the world that is expressed throughout his

dialogue and the volatile method he used to kill Alyona and Lizaveta Ivanovna (American

Psychiatric Association Axis II).

This raises the question of whether or not talking to yourself leads to psychological

disorders. If it does, then I suffer from a wide range of psychiatric disorders and need to be

institutionalized promptly. My symptoms include chronic cyclic word vomiting and unfiltered
 Van Niel 18

babbling where my subconscious overrides my conscious and starts saying words on thought

threads that have nothing to do with the conversation. Dr. Kupfer of the American Psychiatric

Association believes The relationship that you establish within your mind is excluded when

diagnosing disorders, it is only when you do not have an internal relationship or you only have

an internal relationship that a psychiatrist will preclude my previous statement, (American

Psychiatric Association).

Talking to oneself is a healthy aspect of the human condition that I particularly relish in.

Me Myself and I are all good friends, who talk on a regular basis and help each other out when it

is required. They are an integral part of the success of anyone because they allow you to explore

the human condition through supposition. The human condition is more than just being human, it

is who you are and how you contribute to society, your thoughts are a part of that and what

separate us from each other and the rest of the world. Our suppositions allow us to connect with

one another through our outward actions and conversation.

The hypothesis of a scenario is first run through your mind before it becomes an action.

The ability to learn from our mistakes is what shapes us as human beings (Simcik) and separates

us and many other animals from non-sentient life. The definition of sentient even says defined

by a condition of consciousness and ability to reason, (Gove). It is considered intelligent to

confer with yourself before acting out the thoughts that are in your head according to science and

from an evolutionary standpoint, essential to the progress of a species. Otherwise we would still

be walking into fires and wondering why we got burned.

The inner monologue we all have, whether it be through pictures, words, or a

combination of both, separates us from each other and yet it connects everyone together with our

outward actions and conversation, which act as bridges within our minds that branch out and
 Van Niel 19

reach the people around us by joining the branches of others. This connection with others is

necessary for normal cognition. When you only speak to one person, especially yourself, you can

get trapped in faulty logic like when Hamlet tries to seek death by his own hand after spending

weeks in isolation as he mourns the death of his father.

Raskolnikov has also isolated himself from society because he felt that he was a failure.

He was an educated man who still had to rely on his mother for economic support since he could

not hold a steady job (Dostoevsky 32). Raskolnikov feels that he was so immersed in himself

and had isolated himself so much from everyone that he was afraid not only of meeting his

landlady but of meeting anyone at all, (Dostoevsky 3). Based on what the American Psychiatric

Association says about personality disorders, the main concept behind eliminating or reducing

their effects on a person are to reintegrate them into society and expose them to what a normal

psychology would be. If Raskolnikov had demonstrated or been forced to demonstrate more of

the characteristics of an extrovert, he may not have committed the murders because he would be

aware of what society would think of him as a result.

Dostoevsky included this line in his manuscript because primarily it introduces the reader

to Raskolnikovs situation being that he is very introverted and has a contemptuous view of any

society that is not in his head. This portion also acts as the antecedent to how Raskolnikov will

act when he is forced to interact with others, including his family. The most common response

that we get from Raskolnikov is of cynicism.

There is an unseen world of subconscious connections that we pretend do not exist. First

impressions are the first thoughts that come into our heads upon seeing a person. That is to say

before we meet their conscious mind. There is a connection that exists between all people in the

form of subconscious. When we say we do not judge upon first impressions of a person, does
 Van Niel 20

that only mean that we do not verbalize them? If someone scary looking is walking towards you,

your guard goes up and you are preparing for a flight response because your subconscious is

beginning to feel the negative vibes from the energy of this person.

The action of creating a positive or negative predisposition towards another person may

lead to you alienating or approaching them solely on their appearance and the feelings that you

get from them based on the previous experience that your inner self is calling upon. Raskolnikov

meets a man whom he believes is a simple minded drunk, and he says as much in his description

He was over fifty, bald and grizzled, of medium height, and stoutly built. his face, bloated from

continual drinking, was of a yellow, even greenish, tinge, with swollen eyelids out of which keen

reddish eyes gleamed like little slits, (Dostoevsky 14).

This characterization of Semion Zaharovich Marmeladov based entirely on his

appearance brings a negative connotation to his full persona. However, Raskolnikov is surprised

at the grand style of the speaker and also being so directly addressed, (Dostoevsky 14) learning

that he is a Titular Counselor (Captain of the infantry, referred to as his/your nobleness

(Galushko)) and Raskolnikovs thoughts immediately shift to a state of respect for Marmeladov.

In this case, the connection that Raskolnikov made with Marmeladov was initially incorrect, and

the subconscious responded with a flight response in order to try and preserve Raskolnikov from

a questionable character.

The previous experience that Raskolnikovs subconscious had gained from sharing

information with his conscious was invaluable in shaping his preliminary actions towards

Marmeladov. His inner self processed complex information to make sense of his surroundings

that in turn influenced his actions based on the analysis. The human condition of self

preservation was expressed in this quick exchange in Raskolnikovs head. His inner self
 Van Niel 21

immediately began to feel that Marmeladov was a person to watch out for because of his

disheveled appearance and his apparent drunkenness. This was paired with his conscious self

which was curious to why such a person would speak in such an educated manner. All of this

was a cooperative effort to analyze a threat in which the vulnerability was recognized, analyzed,

and neutralized when he found that Marmeladov was not a hazard.

The ability to analyze situations can only remain effective if we are able to retain this

information inside our heads and as a private aspect of our existence. Should other people

become aware of our internal monologue when we are assessing their trustworthiness, they may

be able to correct their behaviour or adjust the way that they present themselves in the plane of

subconscious. This plane includes body language and other nonverbal cues that our inner self has

become so adept at investigating that we are scarcely aware that we are receiving so much

information that our conscious is oblivious to.

This privacy also protects us from revealing our weaknesses because there are extremely

open lines of communication in our head that our conscious can have very little control over in

regard to censorship. The weakness lies in other people becoming privy to our most intimate

identity as Donald Kenny puts it. The nearest and dearest of our relationships would become

exposed to scrutiny and judgement by our peers and even strangers. Thus closing down these

open lines of communication inside ourselves in order to preserve what little privacy we would

have left.

Ending free thought and the freedom of thought would be a great detriment to society and

to ourselves. An important part of growing up is the time of self discovery and the realization

that you are an adult and can make decisions for yourself. This process would cease and

humanity would suffer for it as individuals would be unable to find their place in society, and
 Van Niel 22

even if they did they would be afraid of the assessment that others would make, and may never

act on their feelings.

If I became unable to communicate with myself for fear of the chastisement from others I

would have been a very different person. There would be no jokes and no vulnerable actions

because deep down I am a really shy person. However, when I get comfortable enough to trust a

group of people I am an extreme extrovert and will talk to anyone about anything all the while

making jest after jest. When I have acted on the thoughts of my subconscious I would often find

myself over my head because I would have no sense of reality that would hold me to what I

know I am capable of.

Certain people, mainly those with mental illness, are already discriminated against

because of what goes on inside their heads and we, as those who have healthy cognition, have no

idea what they are saying in their heads. The same goes for homosexuals who do not have an

illness, merely an attraction that many people feel to be abnormal, and feel that because they do

not fit in with societal norms that they should suppress their thoughts in order to blend in and

make others happy. In this case, their relationship with themselves causes them to act negatively

towards themselves. Many suffer from depression and some commit suicide because they do not

have an established relationship with themselves that they feel comfortable with.

Hamlet experienced a similar circumstance with the death of his father and he was the

only one who knew the truth about his uncle Claudius murdering his father in order to become

king. He was only able communicate with himself on this topic once the ghost of his father

disappeared. The pressure and faulty logic that is caused by mental isolation caused him to act in

ways that he may not have such as having suicidal thoughts and being sexually aggressive with

Ophelia had he been able to communicate with others. In this way his subconscious affected his
 Van Niel 23

actions because it was the only voice that his conscious communicated with, demonstrating its

importance in the decision making process.

Hamlets fear of death also reflects how the inner self is an integral part of the human

condition. His inner self was able to pull him out of his deepest despair upon the realization that

what comes after death may actually be worse than what he is experiencing now. This also

showed how no matter how hard you try to fight and engage in activities that may risk your life,

there will always be an element of self preservation that presents itself through your

subconscious. It is just part of what is encoded into every human being, and something that we

share through our subconscious branches we broadcast as we try to save the people around us in

order to perpetuate our society and by extension, our species.

Raskolnikov surrendered himself entirely to the thoughts of his subconscious and ended

up killing two people because the first represented what his inner self saw as the embodiment of

everything that was trying to suppress him in society. The second person represented a threat to

the new state of order that he had created by eliminating the first. His subconscious is the

ultimate problem solver for him as it works to conceal this act and works to preserve this new

peace that he has created for himself within the chaos that he has caused in his immediate

vicinity.

The morals of Raskolnikov were vastly different between his conscious and his

subconscious, especially after the murders. He felt remorse for them and wished that he could

have continued on with his life as if they had never happened, but he had a dirty conscience. He

had a nagging feeling that what he did was wrong and that morally he should pay the price for

his crimes. His inner self was hellbent on preventing him from telling the truth to anyone and

confessing to the police. It took nearly nearly half a chapter before he even admitted to himself
 Van Niel 24

that he had done something wrong. His inner self would not let his conscious self see the

wrongdoing that he had committed.

His inner self was reminding Raskolnikov that he was human and experienced human

conditions like fear and the need to survive. Hamlet also experienced this when he considered

suicide. They would both journal their experiences in their minds and then deliberate with their

inner selves as to what they felt that they should do. Their inner selves would analyze in a very

linear and logical manner in order to determine what was best for both parties; conscious and

subconscious. It would then persuade them based on their conclusions and try to sway their

conscious in the direction that it felt was best. The inner self did not make the final decision.

When the inner self makes a final decision we become prisoners in our own minds and revert

back to the primal instinct that we have tried so hard to eliminate in order to understand the

world around us. The inner self is only the processor for information and cannot carry out tasks

by itself, consequently it will only influence our actions based on this analysis.

Our subconscious is a consultant that we frequently refer to when the answer is not

instinctual. Our inner self has access to every thought and primal instinct that we as humans have

tried to eliminate over the last few hundred years and have taught our offspring to repress as we

try to move forward in a sophisticated society. This has lead to people coming forward with new

ideas in their newfound freedom to explore themselves as the idea of self expression has

blossomed in the last few years just quickly enough for society to say that they are unnatural or

unbeneficial to society.

As a consultant, the relationship that you have with yourself is paramount. It is the voice

of reason in your mind and the voice of the past that may affect your future. It will influence

your actions based upon this relationship. If you have a strong relationship with yourself like
 Van Niel 25

Hamlet had it could save your life because it will be the most honest with you, like your closest

and most trusted friend. If you have a weakened and damaged relationship with yourself like

Raskolnikov, your inner self will lie to you and tell you that the actions of an unhealthy train of

thought are the most desirable, and in his case cause him to commit murders and change the

entire outcome of his life from something that he could have turned positive, to something which

the only outcome could have been a negative. There is a comfort in knowing that you

consciously can have the ultimate control of your future and your actions. There is also a comfort

in knowing that you do not make these decisions alone and have a friend in your mind that has

experienced everything you have and moreover to confer with when you need another mind to

put to the task.

 Van Niel 26

Works Cited

American Psychiatric Association and David Kupfer MD. Diagnostic and Statistical

Manual of Mental Disorders: DSM-5. 5th ed. Vol. 1. Washington, D.C.: American

Psychiatric Association, 2013. Print. AKA "DSM".

Di Carlo, Tony, Behrokh Khoshnevis, and Firdaus Udwadia. "Whole Brain Thinking in Systems

Architecting." Wiley InterScience (2008): n. pag. 15 July 2008. Web. 16 Apr. 2014.

Dostoevsky, Fyodor M. Crime and Punishment. Trans. Constance Garnett. Ed. Julia

Salkovskaya and Nicholas Rice. New York: Barnes & Noble, 2007. Print. Originally

published by Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoevsky under the title

, in 1866. Additional notes and sections copyright to Priscilla Meyer 2007.

Galushko, Irina. "Of Russian Origin: Table of Ranks." Table of Ranks Russiapedia Of Russian

Origin. N.p., n.d. Web. 15 Apr. 2014.

Gove, Philip Babcock. Webster's Third New International Dictionary of the English

Language, Unabridged: A Merriam-Webster. Springfield, MA: G. & C. Merriam, 1961.

Print sentient.

Hamilton, Joan O'C. "If They Could Read Your Mind." Stanford Journal of Science 31

Jan. 2010: n. pag. Stanford Journal of Science. Web. 5 May 2014.

Hamlet. Dir. Gregory Doran. By William Shakespeare. Perf. David Tennant and Patrick

Stewart. BBC Two, 2009. Broadcast Film.

Manton, Sean. "Disorganized Attachment and the Orbitofrontal Cortex as the Basis for

the Development of Dissociative Identity Disorder." Boston University Arts and Science

Writing (n.d.): n. pag. Web. 10 May 2014.

Nicewicz, David. Personal Interview. Interview by Austin M. Van Niel. Print.

 Van Niel 27

Shakespeare, William. Hamlet. Ed. Barbara A. Mowat and Paul Werstine. New York:

Simon & Schuster, 2012. Print.

Simcik, Erin. "Operant Conditioning." Class Discussion. South Windsor High School,

South Windsor. 14 May 2014. Lecture.

Slocum, Joshua. Personal Interview. Interview by Austin M. Van Niel. Print.

Sylwester, Robert. "Unconscious Emotions, Conscious Feelings, and Curricular

Challenges." Johns Hopkins Journal of Neuroscience (2001): n. pag. Johns Hopkins

School of Education. Web. 10 May 2014.