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ReNae Evans
COMM 2110
Tamra Phillips
April 16, 2017

COMM 2110: FINAL REPORT on Relational Change Project

Overview.
I will report on my efforts to change my unwanted communication habit of
avoiding opportunities to communicate. I will relate my findings of my self-
reflection and communication with family members on how I communicate
with others. I will explain the strategies I used to help create myself a better
atmosphere for communication and change my beliefs regarding my ability
to communicate effectively with others. I will review the results and make
recommendations for effective ways to practice my new skills and continue
on to more positive interpersonal relationships.
Unwanted Communication Pattern.
I had found myself in a position of not having any close interpersonal
relations. I was divorced and in the process, I lost my life partner and my
best friend. My lifestyle drastically changed from stay at home mom to
working full time and going to school. I had not taken the time nor made the
effort to create new relationships and found myself avoiding opportunities to
communicate. I would attend church and leave early so I wouldnt have to
talk with anyone. I would make excuses when asked to attend a social
function, because I felt uncomfortable and worried I wouldnt know what to
say or have any one to talk to. My job does not require me to communicate
extensively with anyone. I changed my hours to work early in the morning
when no one else is there. I was not happy. I was lonely. I wanted to figure
out why I was creating less opportunities for communication and isolating
myself even more so I made it my personal change project.
Strategies.
My first strategy was to improve my self-esteem. I have learned that what
we think of ourselves affects how we interact with others. It affects how we
interpret messages, our ability to be other-oriented and the messages we
send to others. My self-esteem had taken big hits over the past few years
because of symbolic interaction theory. I was letting others influence how I
thought about myself I was caring too much about what others thought
instead of just being my best self. (Beebe, p. 50-51) I decided I would start
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by taking a good look at myself. I reviewed my self-concept by reflecting and

writing down my attitudes, beliefs and values. I learned that I have some
strong beliefs and a strong core and that I like myself. I also learned that I
have some beliefs because of the way I was raised that I do not want to
believe any more. I have learned that I change those beliefs by reminding
myself that they are not true and reminding myself what I do believe. I am a
good person. I just needed to remind myself through positive self-talk. My
next strategy was to monitor my self-talk and get rid of the negativity. I have
become really good at recognizing negativity and reframing it in a more
positive way. Whenever I would catch myself comparing myself with others, I
would reframe it by telling myself why that wasnt a fair comparison and why
it wasnt comparable. Intrapersonal communication does affect how we
interact with others whether negatively or positively. We need to change our
thoughts to alter our behavior. (Beebe, p. 48)
I also wanted to plan ways that I could behave in a more supportive role for
others. When we support others, and express ourselves in a positive way, our
overall feeling of self-worth is stronger. I wanted to be more aware of those
around me and how I could behave in more supportive ways. (Beebe, p. 43)
Another strategy was to cultivate more communication with my sister. We
share connections in the way we were raised and have had many shared
experiences through the years. I felt that having her support and honest
feedback would create a better atmosphere for me to make positive
changes. (Beebe, p. 49) We would meet for dinner or talk on the phone at
least once a week. Sometimes hearing ourselves talk out loud can give us
new insight. My sister was also able to help me see things from a different
point of view. (Beebe, p. 50)
My final strategy was to look people in the eye and call them by name. I
wanted to try to let others know that I know who they are and I care enough
to make that connection with them, no matter how superficial. If the
opportunity was there I was to ask a personal question as well. This was to
help me gain some confidence and to help me feel more connected.
Constraints.
At first when I started calling people by name and looking them in the eye to
say, good morning, I felt self-conscious because they would look surprised
or questioning. Their reaction to my new behavior was a little intimidating. I
also had days where I just wanted to crawl back in my hole, I didnt realize
how much courage and strength it would take to keep behaving in a
consistent manner until it became habit.
Implementation.
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I was able to improve my self-esteem. (P. 1) I stopped most of the negativity

or at least was able to catch it and reframe it positively. If I would think, you
are such a bad mother, you are just too busy to take care of your kids like
you should. I would reframe it, you are a great mother, giving your kids
new opportunities to take care of more things for themselves. Lots of well
adjusted, responsible kids have mothers who work. Change is good. We learn
and improve through change. Learning to think in a more positive way
helped me to be happier. When I was feeling happy, looking people in the
eye and calling them by name to say hello wasnt such a chore. I was in a
more positive frame of mind that helped me to be more supportive of others.
I wrote sticky notes and had them on the bathroom mirror and on my
computer monitor at work. They reminded me that I like myself and I am a
good person. (It doesnt matter what others think as long as I am okay with
myself. Making changes will improve my quality of life. I can do hard things.)
I think those positive sticky notes also had a more positive affect on my kids
behavior as well. I found that the more positive my thoughts, the easier it
became to change my behavior.
I decided that I would watch others to see how they acted in supportive ways
to those around them. (P. 2) I found that the people who behaved in a
supportive way, did it almost naturally, like they grew up with good
examples. They were happy and had a lot of people who liked to be around
them. They seemed to be aware of those around them and could read non-
verbal cues well. I started to pay attention to those around me, noticing
when I could hold a door for someone because their arms were full, or unlock
someones office for them. These are simple supportive actions but with
continued practice I hope to become better able to support those around me
with communication skills as well. Mindfulness and being able to read non-
verbal cues are some skills needed for this behavior. We have the ability to
think about what we are doing and experiencing. We can respond
consciously, not just out of habit. (Beebe, p. 34) Being aware of those around
us and having the attitude of what can I do? are what it takes to be
supportive of others. I have become more aware and act on what I see needs
to be done. I also have become a people watcher, trying to catch them doing
it right. So, I can learn from example.
I make contact with my sister every couple of days. (P. 2) We text, we talk on
the phone and we meet for dinner every couple of weeks. I explained this
project to her and told her my goal of wanting to stop avoiding opportunities
for communication. We metacommunicate a lot. She was raised the same
way I was, so she finds herself avoiding communication opportunities as well.
We talk about how my parents didnt know how to communicate because
their parents didnt know how to communicate effectively. They couldnt
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communicate effectively so they didnt like to. So, it was avoided and feared.
This was passed down to me. I felt the same way until I was able to gain
some knowledge. Taking this communication class has given me knowledge
that has eased the fear and helped me to feel more confident in my ability to
communicate effectively. I do have a desire to practice more of the skills but I
am lacking a partner. I am working on me, trying to become the partner I
hope to find again someday. Keeping myself open to new opportunities to
communicate instead of running from them. I do find myself speaking up
more at work and staying after church to connect with a few people. It has
helped to have the support of my sister, just having someone to talk to about
the changes I wanted to make helped me to have more determination.
I didnt realize how much courage it would take to start looking people in the
eye and calling them by name. Their reactions were almost enough to cower
me. I just smiled and kept eye contact, telling myself that people just had to
get used to the changes I was trying to make. It was real stressful for a
couple of days, but I hung in there and kept it consistent. Now it feels normal
and it is not a big deal.
Results.
I have come to learn that even superficial connections make a difference to
someone who is lonely. Looking someone in the eye, calling them by name
and asking how they are doing lets them know that someone cares enough
to ask. We are all thrown into situations that change our lives. Sometimes
we find ourselves in places we never thought we would be. So, dont
compare yourself with others or judge others. Just be supportive to those
around you. (Chapter 11 Online Readings)
Having a positive attitude, no matter what you are doing, can make life more
enjoyable. When you are happy it is easier to be supportive of others which
in turn helps you to feel better about yourself.
Knowledge is power. I have less fear of communication now that I have
learned more about it. I understand more about my past issues and I am
more willing to participate and do not feel a need to avoid opportunities that
come my way.
The text was spot on. I have been able to have positive results from
implementing the strategies I have learned from the book. The results have
been so good that I think I overdo it. Then I get overwhelmed. I need to
remember that I need to stay true to myself. Everybody does not need to be
a social butterfly. I need to be supportive of others and take new
opportunities to communicate within my own scope of being true to myself.
Recommendations.
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I hope to have the opportunity for interpersonal communications with a life

partner and another good friend in the future. I know after I finish up school I
will have more time to put into finding and managing a couple of
interpersonal relationships. I will try to use the strategies in the book to
initiate and/or escalate relationships. I will practice communicating
attraction, being open and disclosing appropriately, gathering information to
reduce uncertainty, listening actively and responding effectively, socially
decentering and adopting an other-oriented perspective. (Beebe, p. 339) I
can confidently seek new opportunities for interpersonal communication
relationships by having a good understanding of these skills and how to use
them.
I really am excited to make a stronger effort to finding someone to have an
interpersonal relationship with. I am keeping myself open to new
opportunities for communication as I continue with school and working full
time. I want to be able to use the communication skills I have learned by
taking this course. I will continue strengthening the changes that I have been
able to make so far by continuing to practice the basic skills I have been
using. As new opportunities for communication come my way, I hope to be
able to use more and more of the skills I have learned in this course.

Works Cited

Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond. (2014). Interpersonal Communication: Relating to

Others. Boston: Pearson.

Clark. (2014). Canvas Readings for COMM 2110. Accessed 04/20/2017.

Available at: https://slcc.instructure.com$WIKI_REFERENCE$/wiki/