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Ella Dahlin

Andrew Miller

EXPL 390

25 April 2017

Final Reflection Paper

When I applied for the Social Justice Internship last spring, I did not understand the

commitment or the opportunity I was given at that time. When I nervously walked into Madonna

House for my first day, I could not have predicted how this year-long learning experience was

going to impact me. When I returned in the Spring semester, I did not realize how quickly the

time would pass. Along every step of this internship, whether in class or at Madonna House, I

have been reminded of the very real social injustices that plague our society today. This

year-long learning opportunity has been a challenging and rewarding journey that has solidified

my love for working with children.

One of the uniquely great experiences about this specific internship is that I have been

able to share my feelings of discomfort, excitement, and frustration with my cohort from the

beginning. As I approached Madonna House for my first day, I remember pushing down my

nervousness and reaching out to my peers for support. During the first few weeks, when I

struggled the most with trying to find my role at Madonna, I loved knowing my peers shared

similar experiences. During our first classes, I remember feeling reassured when others reported

struggling to find their roles at their organizations as well. By having a community that I could

genuinely share my emotions with, I created a more positive and optimistic view of my role as an

intern, which ultimately helped me find my place at Madonna House.

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In the beginning of my time at Catholic Charities, I was overwhelmed by the amount of

unfamiliar names, faces, and responsibilities; instead of panicking, I committed to saying yes to

everything. I helped cooked dinner with mothers, I supervised (and played with) children on the

playground, I answered phones, and I worked on remembering everyones name. I started

organizing the pantry and cleaning fridges because that was where help was needed. I saw that

my role as an intern was to fill the gaps. I performed the jobs that people did not have time to

finish on their own. I plan on using my yes approach on future jobs because it gave me such a

vast understanding of the various tasks needed to keep a non-profit running. If I limited myself to

only one role, I would have missed out on so many learning experiences.

Despite all the various tasks I worked on, by the end of Fall semester, I had found my

routine at Madonna House, which made me feel safe and comfortable. Each day would be

slightly different, but I followed the same schedule with about the same responsibilities. I loved

having a consistent presence at the shelter, but I realized I was not challenging myself. As a

Jesuit student, I remembered Magis and the call to do more, which is why I decided to start

tutoring children and create a girls group for the teenagers at Madonna. Although I may not have

realized it at the time, both of these initiatives were centered around my desire to spend more

time with children.

GROW (Girls Realizing Our Worth), is a youth program for young women at Madonna

House and the House of Good Shepherd, which is a neighboring shelter for victims of domestic

violence. After working at Catholic Charities for a few months, I realized the older children did

not have any programming or events to attend, which I wanted to change. After my supervisor

approved my idea of a teenage girls group, I worked on creating a program that taught 13-18
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year old girls about their identities, leadership styles, and potential. From there, I reached out to

my very talented and resourceful supervisor, Andrew Miller, who was able to provide reflection

journals for all the participants. On top of that, he shared insight from his own experiences. I

bounced ideas off peers, other past supervisors, and friends to create the syllabus for the

program. This program needed a syllabus because nonprofits require thought-out plans,

permission slips, clear expectations, and approvals by supervisors, which means there is a lot of

paperwork that needs to happen before the program even starts.

As I worked on designing GROW over winter break, I began to truly comprehend the

amount of work it takes to run even a small program. I was so excited to implement GROW, but

I wanted to provide as much structure and planning as I could, because it was a project with my

name on it. The creation, the failures, and the success were largely due to my leadership, which

is a very empowering, but scary feeling when things go wrong. GROW taught me to be flexible,

to listen to others, and to be open to new ideas. Originally, I wanted this program to be about

intersectional identities and leadership styles, but I quickly realized that is not what the

participants wanted. The young women wanted a place to talk, to connect with others in a similar

place, and bond with one another. After following my syllabus for a few sessions, which may

have been too advanced for a group of predominantly 13 year olds, I realized I needed to alter

my program to better fit the needs of the participants. Although I was disappointed my original

plans did not work, I ended up learning much more by altering my thought-out plans -- and the

program benefitted because of it.

Instead of brainstorming ideas myself, I simply asked GROW members what they wanted

from the program, which was a humbling and insightful perspective. Through their contributions,
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we implemented ten minutes of free socializing, a focus on present struggles, and the celebration

of being a woman in todays world. Once we shifted the goals, attendance went up, girls kept

asking to start the program early, and it became something everyone looked forward to doing on

Friday nights. Although I may not have successfully reached my original goal of understanding

intersectional identities, I created a program that everyone loved, which is a success in my book.

This experience taught me that the keys to success are to meet my clients where they are at,

understand that even the most meticulous plans can fail, and to listen to those I am working with.

Between implementing of GROW and working as tutor twice a week in the Spring

semester, I was able to spend more time with children and strengthen past relationships. To

illustrate the time it takes to have children trust you, I want to bring up two sisters, Kelly and

Karen. Originally, these two sisters acted a little too cool for me, but when I started working with

them on their homework and in our group, they slowly began to open up to me. Instead of me

always going out of my way to talk to them and remind them of programs, they began to stop me

in the hallways and ask if we could do anything. Over time, I broke down their protective walls,

which shows that persistence and genuine care can surmount most barriers. One of the moments

I will always remember is when Kelly told me that I inspire her and that she considers me a

mentor. On another night, Karen revealed very personal information to me and followed it up by

saying she has never shared those thoughts with anyone, not even her therapist. These

conversations remind me of the importance of patience when working with kids. Although I

have connected with all of the children in various ways at Madonna, these two mean so much to

me because it took so long for them to trust me. With GROW, tutoring, and a majority of my
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time spent with children at this internship, I am positive that I want to work with young people

after graduation.

Although I love all children, even the energetic and mischievous ones, this internship has

solidified my desire to work with kids that are at-risk. The Social Justice Internship gave me the

opportunity to learn about racism, poverty, and social injustices firsthand. Gun violence means

something so raw and personal when a twelve year old girl tells you her friend was accidentally

shot and killed by a stray bullet. Racism is given a face when a nine year old boy states that he

fears deportation because he is Mexican-American. When I read about systemic issues in our

society I am saddened, but when I witness them first hand I am heartbroken. I have always hated

unfairness. From as long as I can remember I have always demanded equality from my parents

and others, but at my internship, I realize I am the one that is benefitting from this unfairness,

which can be confusing at times. I fear becoming a white savior, but at the same time, I want to

use the priviledge of my education, skin color, and socioeconomic background to work with

those that are systemically oppressed. Our society is definitely not fair and the demographics of

Madonna House prove that.

I am the only white person at Madonna House, which puts me in a unique place of

privilege. Until now, I have always been surrounded by people who look just like me; it is

something I did not really notice until I was put in a place where nobody was white. All of the

employees and clients are people of color and most have grown up on the South and West sides

of Chicago. We have way more similarities than differences, but there are times where I cannot

relate to the people that I work with. I do not have to worry about losing someone I care about to

gun violence, I did not grow up in poverty, I do not face racism, and I have never experienced
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homelessness. In fact, I am a white college student that has her own apartment, can fly home for

holidays, and has the freedom to do whatever she wants with her life.

Fortunately, the people at Madonna House are amazing and I never felt excluded, but I

did feel as if I was an ambassador for white people at times. I remember feeling so embarrassed

when this private, Catholic school of white students donated over 1,000 books to our already

overcrowded bookshelves. These kids showed up in expensive, luxury cars and dropped off all of

these used books and acted like they were helping us, but in reality the book donation became a

burden, considering our limited space. As we lugged the heavy books downstairs, my coworkers

complained about the donation and I remember feeling as if it was my fault. As a kid who

attended private school her entire life, I remember doing fundraisers, book drives, and clothes

drives which were nearly identical to what this group did for Madonna House. I realized how

good intentions can have such negative consequences and I was frustrated that this school did not

ask us about our needs first. I was angry that they gave us their old, used books because they

never asked us what we needed and assumed they knew what was best.

As much as I appreciated the effort, I felt like that was a perfect representation of white

people who mean well, but totally miss the mark. Although my coworkers never said a word to

me, I worried they would think of me like they think of those rich, white kids. I feared being

associated with people that mean well, but end up creating more harm than help. To be clear, I

am not saying I experienced any type of discrimination. There was no oppression, but I felt

responsible for the actions of other white people, which really bothered me. I do not want to be

lumped in with these elite people because I like to believe I am not like them. Now, as much as I

can complain about being associated with some white people, I cannot imagine the experiences
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of my clients who are lumped in and given demeaning, condescending, and awful stereotypes

because of their skin colors.

As much as I have learned in the past nine months, I feel as if the time has passed in the

blink of an eye. In the beginning, I remember feeling overwhelmed by the time commitment of

this program and intimidated by the year-long commitment, but now I realize it takes that much

time to really connect with people. Although I was friendly and enjoyed my internship for the

first few months, it was not until I was there for a significant amount of time that I really loved

my position and felt valued at my organization. It seems as if now that I have everything figured

out at my internship, I have to leave. I am so excited for my next real job where I will be able to

make connections and hold them because I will be there for more than nine months.

As a graduating senior, I am ready to start my post-grad life, but I am really struggling

with leaving after I have made so many connections with my coworkers, supervisor, and clients.

I have always hated letting people down, so it is hard for me to explain to the children and my

coworkers that I am less than two weeks from my final day. Although their disappointment in

my absence is touching, it also leads to me feeling guilty. After finally having children trust me, I

hate to leave them and never contact them again. I am leaving Chicago after graduation, so

realistically, I will never see these people again, which is hard when I have seen them

consistently for so long. I am forever grateful for the relationships I have formed at Madonna

House, which is why I am dreading my last day.

By taking a course alongside my internship, I was able to truly get the most out of my

year-long internship. This opportunity has influenced me by empowering me, solidifying my

love for children, and makes me so excited to find a full-time job. This internship has showed me
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that I can do so many more things than I thought I could do. Whether it be my GROW program

or cooking dinner for forty residents, I realized that anything is possible if I am committed to its

success. Secondly, my love for children is painfully obvious at this point. As much as I enjoyed

working with the mothers at Madonna House, I always looked forward to spending time with

children. I love preventative strategies and children have so much potential, which is why I love

working with them to steer them in the right direction. Lastly, this internship, which I worked

hundreds of hours at, stirred up excitement in my heart for a full-time job working with kids. I

cannot wait to get paid full-time for doing something that I love.