A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world..

Since sex got easier to get... Love got harder to find

During a test, when a teacher passes by,

you cover your answers with hand, so the teacher cannot see how stupid you are

I`m not fat. My stomach is 3D

Boy was drunk & came home late..

To avoid Dads scolding he quietly took laptop & started working....
DAD- Are you Drunk?
Son- NO......!!!!!
Dad- Then what are you doing with mY suitcase.....!!

We live in a society where losing your

phone is more important than losing your virginity

Sometimes I miss being in a relationship,

but then I look at my wallet and I feel alright again :))))

Love isn't blind . . . ...it just has Attention Deficit Disorder ;)

Guy: If you are smiling, send me your smiles.

If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are crying, send me your tears.
...................
Girl: I am in Toilet. What should I send?

Money means nothing to me.

if you dont believe me,
ask me for money and you'll get nothing LOL

Dear Google, can u just let me write my sentence before u start guessing !

Dad: Wat is Ur Result?

Sid: I failed in 5 subjects.
Dad: Dont cal me dad now onwards.
Sid: Dad, It's nt d result of "DNA" test.

They say, When a girl closes her eyes she see the person she loves most....

Trust me, When a boy closes his eyes...Slide Show begins!!! :P

Our generation doesnt knock on doors. We will call or text to let you know were
outside.

Women worry bout the things that men forget.

Men worry about the things women remember!

In the Past we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash. Today we have no Jobs,
no Hope and no Cash'' - Americans

This is how my week goes: Moooooooooooooonday - Tuuuuuuuuuuuuuuesday -

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeednesday - Thuuuuuuuuuuuuuursday -

FridaySaturdaySunday!

If girl is in love, her parents ask: Who is that idiot?

If boy is in love, his parents ask: Idiot, who is that girl?
MORAL: No matter who is in love, boys are always Idiots! Lol

you stay in the shower longer because its too cold when you get out.

"Sometimes I just have to let her win, because losing the argument is easier than
losing her''

Got kicked out of my maths lesson the other day.

The teacher asked 'What comes after 69?' Apparently 'mouthwash' was the wrong
answer.

I wonder if one day somebody will ever come & knock on my door

and tell me Hey ,we have 7 mutual friends in facebook", Can I come in?

Teacher: I am beautiful, which tense is this?

Me: Obviously the past tense.

If You slap your remote when its not working

rather than changing the batteries !

When I was little I always thought the moon was following my car.

anyone else?

Two most honest people in this world :

drunk people and little kids.

The awkward moment you flush the toilet in the middle of the night

and its the loudest f*****g sound in all the universe..

OMG!....I was in in the public restroom -

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice in the other stall: "Hi, how are
you?"........
Me: embarrassed, "Doin' fine!"
Stall: "So what are you up to?".......
Me: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just sitting here."
......Stall: "Can I come over?" .........
Me: (attitude) "No, I'm a little busy right now!!"
Stall: "Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps
answering all my questions.

whenever im NOTworking, im NETworking.

Father:why don't u just go and study?

Son: what for?
Father: U'll get good marks...
Son: then? ...Father: U'll get good job. .........
Son: then? Father: U'll have big house, new car.
...Son: so what after that?
Father: after that U'll relax.
Son: so what do u think I m doing right now???

When I'm bored, nobody texts me

but when I'm busy, my phone blows up.

If sex between 3 people is called a Threesome

and Sex between 2 people is called a Twosome
Then why is Handsome still a compliment?

IN CASE OF FIRE: Please exit the building immediately before updating your
Facebook status.

if all men are same, why do women take so long to choose one?
Galileo: Great mind
Einstein: Genius mind
Newton: Extraordinary mind
Bill Gates: Brilliant mind
ME: Nevermind ;)