Secret Knowledge Previously Withheld from You

There is a long trail of hoof prints

On the surface of the moon.
God also has a father.
His name cannot be pronounced
Using only one mouth.
The longer you stare at the sun
The longer it will stare back at you.
The contest will make you blind
But justifiably proud.
Your parents really are your parents.
They are also brother and sister to each other.
Each time you sprinkle salt on a leech
An angel gets its wings.
The original text of the Bible was
Written in binary code by a sentient
Quadruped 15 million years from now.
Your uncle never worked a day in his
Life without first slipping into a
Bra and panties.
George Washington
Was, in reality, only three feet
And seven inches tall.
Hot pants were invented by Neanderthals
Living in Spain.
They took several thousand years
To really catch on.
Though he was cheated out of all
Future royalties, it is believed that Sasquatch
Wrote the first country song
To be broadcast by radio.
A short paragraph printed on page 137
Of last Sunday's New York Times
Claims that the earth will come
To a cataclysmic end in 19 days.