On Love In My Present and Future / Evan Groover / 3.29.

17

For some time Ive sought to center my identity around love. Love, as I perceive it,
is the unifying string in the seemingly diverse areas of study that I commit my time
to. Love is who I am outside of preference, opinion, and prejudice. It is the greatest
spiritual reality that I care to wonder about.

My musical practice is love, expressed in listening to and exchanging ideas with my

bandmates, in sharing something with my audience, and in giving myself the space
to explore my own history and headspace. I dont find much reward in performing
music by myself, perhaps because in music Ive always sought connection. I believe
jazz is an ideal language for this because of its conversational nature.

In my labwork, love is in relationships with my labmates and our common belief in

working towards the greater good. The more time Ive spent in research science,
the more Ive come to realize that- despite the reputation that science can be cold
and uncaring- science is a deeply personal and human pursuit. In it there is the
same passion, struggle, and vulnerability that the arts are celebrated for.

Its likely that my professional life will involve one or both of these fields, and in
considering the possibilities presented to me as a young man I will soon have to
make an important decision regarding my future path. In considering my options, I
can only say that I hope to find myself in a situation that will let me most easily
give my love to other living beings, things, and spaces. I love humans and I want to
work with them. In deciding on a career I feel that the most important decision I
must make will be how I want to do this.

My beliefs on love are informed by a quarter lifetime of spiritual wandering and I

feel that, at least recently, Ive reached a flow state. (That is to say that, outside of
changing my mind on things every other day as I learn more, my feelings on love
have held true.) Im of the belief that love is not so much an exchange or a
characteristic of discrete actions, but instead a state of being. Love cannot exist in
the absence of self-love and the practice of love is diminished when we refuse to
extend it unconditionally. When I treat others with disrespect or ignorance I am
taking love from myself and the greater lovescape.

If Im responsible for anything in the coming chapter of my life, it is to further

dissolve the boundaries that prevent me from fully recognizing love in every aspect
of my experience. This is really easy to say and tremendously challenging to do.
Fear is tempting, but only abstracts from my capacity to understand and accept.

I will love especially when I am with others. In loving others I discover more about
myself and expand my capacity for good. I will love when I wash dishes and when I
sit down. My nature is love, I can work to build my love even in the absence of
others. In this way, I can work at love. My literal and figurative heart is a muscle,
both can be exercised.

I will eventually die, and then I might realize that all Ive ever been and all that has
ever mattered has been love.