Positive Language
Positive Language
1. Common words/phrases.
We use most of our words subcon-
sciously. So the trick to becoming
more effective and feeling more
confident is to listen to our words and
make some small changes. Remember
people will very quickly make a
judgement about you, triggered by the
words you use.
Here are some words that you might
hear and some suggested alternatives.

Ive been really lucky.

Its not down to luck. Our actions
and decisions are based on careful
thought, planning and hard work, not
luck. Say, Ive worked hard to achieve
this result.

Ill try to get your report done by
Friday, if I possibly can.

Remove try as it suggests you cant
be relied upon. Make a commitment
and say, I will do it by Friday.

Ill have to reschedule my diary to
do it.

Communicate positive expectations,
I will alter my schedule to do it.

I could never do that.

Dont put limitations on what you can
achieve. I can do that, I havent done
it yet.

Ive got so many problems, I dont
know where to start.

Rephrase the negative word prob-
lems and instead use challenge, it will
feel better.

Ive spent two hours at that
seminar.

Spend suggests waste, loss,
exhaustion. Rephrase using invest
that produces a positive return.

Its impossible, it just cant be done
by then.

Concentrate on what you can do,
not what you cant do. Instead say, I
can do it by Friday.

I wonder if you could, if its not too
much trouble.

Eliminate conditional phrases.
Instead say, I need 5 minutes from
you. When are you free?

I like the sound of your letter, but
theres a lot of spelling mistakes.

Avoid buts as it often overalls the
most important part of your sentence.
Instead use and, although or a full
stop. I like the sound of your letter. If
you ran a spell check it would pick up
a number of errors.

It always happens to me.

Avoid universal terms such as
always and everything. Especially
when criticising yourself or others.
Instead use sometimes or occasionally.

Im afraid I cant attend that meet-
ing.

Take out Im afraid from your conver-
sation. Instead be direct. Although I
cant attend your meeting, I can send
along a deputy.

I wish I was that thin.

Dont wish for something. Set an
achievable goal and phrase it in a posi-
tive framework. I can be that thin if I
exercise regularly and eat sensibly.

I couldnt do what she does.

Avoid self-limiting phrases and
instead project positive expectations -
I havent tried that yet and I can. Focus on behaviour not personality.

To be honest I dont know the
answer.

Avoid using to be honest, as it sug-
gests that youve not been truthful in
the past. Be direct and honest all the
time. Thats a good question, I dont
know the answer. Ill come back to
you.

Im only his assistant, so youll
have to excuse me.

Only and just suggest limitations and
project low expectations. Dont make
excuses, instead reframe sentences
more positively and project higher
expectations.

I could possibly, may-be, I sup-
pose I could, might, I should.

Change these words and project
more reliability by using more definite
language, I can, I will.
2. Outcomes of introducing more
positive language.
By changing some of our words, we
can achieve more positive results with
others.
Here are some of the enhanced skills
you will experience by introducing
more positive language.
Ask open questions.

Creates the opportunity for greater
involvement in discussions.
Whats the best way to do it?
Acknowledge others contributions.

They give credit where it is due, to
themselves and others and it creates a
motivating atmosphere.
I value your opinion.
Speaks clearly, decisively and
precisely.

Statements are made assertively
and precisely with no conditions.
Not, I tend to think that, instead, I
believe that, my view is..

If you focus on personality it will
have an impact on their self-image and
they will live down to your expecta-
tions. Focus on their behaviours that
are changeable.
Not, Youre bad. Instead, That
behaviour is inappropriate.
Effectively gains co-operation from
others.

Through the use of positive lan-
guage others are influenced without
feeling compromised.
If we chose that option, how would
you want to manage it?
Joint problem-solving.

Invite people to make choices and
enter into joint problem-solving rather
forcing your opinion.
Weve two options. Which one do
think will work best?
Take ownership and responsibility.

Positive communicators will recog-
nise when they are at fault, take deci-
sive action and wont pass-the-buck.
I take full responsibility for the error.
Please accept my apologies. I will
issue a revised letter immediately.
Deal positively with conflict or
confrontation.

Ability to diffuse a situation by
using phrases within a model called
the appreciation frame.
I agree, and
I appreciate, and
I understand, and
Give feedback effectively.

Understand the need for construc-
tive feedback and praise to support
people.
I really value the effort you are put-
ting into your letters. I would like to
work with you some more on enhanc-
ing your grammar.
Seek opportunities for self-improve-
ment.

Positive communicators will focus
on what they can learn from a situa-
tion.
albeit a subconscious act.
Here are some examples of negative
and positive thoughts and the impact
they can have on personal effective-
ness.

Thinking, I cant do that.

The self-fulfilling prophecy states,
If you tell yourself you cant, you
wont. If you tell yourself you can,
you will. We will live up or down to
our expectations.

Thinking, I always mess up. I can
never do anything right.

Dont focus on negative outcomes.
Learn from mistakes and see them as
positive experiences. I could have
done better and next time I will

Its their fault it went wrong, not
mine.

Positive communicators will take
responsibility for their actions and not
blame others. I realise that the para-
graph was misleading. I apologise
for the error.

Mr Jones always makes me feel
so unconfident.

No one has the ability to make you
feel anything. We are responsible for
our own thoughts and feelings. I feel
awkward when you say that to me.

I can never do anything right.

The power of positive thought can
have a terrific impact on your behav-
iours. I can change the way I do
things, I choose to make the best of
the situation.

Instead focus on learning, improv-
ing and accepting that something
hasnt gone as well as you hoped.
Instead see setbacks as temporary
and say, Im going to make things
better from now.

Feeling that you are a loser and
that you always fail.

Think and act positively when
youre at a low point. Look for les-
sons to improve the way you do
things. Next time I come across
that, I will.
A couple of days before he was
assassinated, M. Gandhi said:
Keep my words positive. Words
become my behaviours. Keep my
behaviours positive. Behaviours
become my habits. Keep my habits
positive, because my habits become
my values. Keep my values positive,
because my values become my des-
tiny. There is no dress rehearsal.
This is one day in our life.
So look for ways you can make
changes to the words you use. You
will then become more positive, feel
more confident and achieve more
successful results.

I could have handled that customer
more effectively. Next time I will
practise saying no.
__________________________
3. Thoughts shape our words &
actions

If only I hadnt said that to her,
What if I had..

Effective communicators will think
about doing things better in the future
rather than focusing on bad things
that have happened in the past.

Research conducted in America
states that people understand a posi-
tively framed phrase 1/3 quicker than
a negative version.
If we think positively, then we are
more likely to convey effective mes-
sages and thereby behave positively,
Rather than thinking what if, they will
focus their energy on problem-solving
and making the situation better.

Saying to themselves, Things are
getting worse, they are always going
wrong.