INT.

FANCY RESTAURANT-EVENING

4 formally dressed men, KIP, GRANT, and WINTHROP, sit around

a dining table. Each look pompous and confident.

KIP
So thats when I told him, if you
dont get out of me CFO
headquarters right this moment, Im
going to synergize your quarterly
reports all over the NASDAQ!

The men all howl in laughter. A WAITRESS, approaches,

carrying 3 full wine glasses.

WAITRESS
Your wine, sirs.
She exits. Each man picks up their glass, beginning to swirl
and sniff the wine snobbishly.

GRANT
Hmm, seems quite rich.
Each man takes a small sip, swishing the wine around for a
moment before swallowing.
KIP
Do I detect a hint of fleshy oak?

WINTHROP
I was picking up more of a buttery
elegant charcoal.

GRANT
No, no its more like...quarter-
bodied licorice salt with a tinge
of shattered silk.

The men each take another sip.

WINTHROP
Now Im sensing the opulent carbon
of the vine.

GRANT
Id say its more...peppery than
that.

KIP
No, no youre both wrong. Its a
delicate blackcurrent of body
underneath 8 layers of plummy
aroma.
 2.

GRANT
Are you implying your taste to be
more refined than ours, Kip?

WINTHROP
I will have both of you know I
spent all of University as an
apprentice at the International
Sommelier Guild of White Men With
Too Much Money.
KIP
Psh, ISGOWMWTMM was my safety
school.

Each man takes a more angered gulp of the wine.

GRANT
Acidic dandelion sparks!

WINTHROP
You uncultured swine! Its clearly
a New World Wine based somewhere
along the Adriatic coast, an area
to rarely inhabit dandelions!
GRANT
Your wife and I talked at great
lengths about the Adriatic coast
when I was screwing her cork!
KIP
Gentleman, please! We are wealthy,
established, professional men. And
both of you are wrong! Its
obviously a jammy extract of bone
marrow stored in Southern
California. And I fucked Winthrops
wife first!
WINTHROP
You bastards!
Winthrop throws his wine into Kips face, staining him. Kip
smashes his wine glass on the table, now brandishing it as a
weapon. Grant rips his shirt open and screams
animalistically.
GRANT
Ill drain both of your eye balls
and soak them in my homemade barrel
of Merlot noted with oxidized waves
of your whore mothers tears!
 3.

Just before the men attack each other, the waitress from
before approaches with a new tray of wine.
WAITRESS
Im so sorry gentleman, there
appears to have been a mistake. I
accidentally served you the grape
juice meant for our childrens
table. Heres your actual wine.

She sets the wine down and leave as the men stare in silence.
They awkwardly sit down. After a beat Kip takes a sip,
scrunching up his face.
KIP
Tastes worse.
END SCENE.