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American Journal of Sociology.
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SympathyBiographyand SympathyMargin'
Candace Clark
MontclairState College
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DATA SOURCES
Given the difficulties of observingthe interiorand ofteninaccessibleas-
pectsof thisemotionand theneed to validateconclusionsand searchfor
negativecases, I gathereddata eclectically.I wantedevidenceofpatterns
of givingarndtakingsympathyas well as people's perceptionsof such
patterns.First,I soughtexpressionsofsympathy in greetingcards,news-
paper and televisionreports,advice columns,etiquettebooks, songlyr-
ics, and literature.In thesesources,two typesofdata exist:viewsofhow
sympathyis given and received(which may be more or less accurate
reflections of real behavior),and the sympathyaroused by the author's
representations in the"dear reader's"mind(available throughintrospec-
tion).
A second source of data is the ethnographicmaterialsproducedby
generationsof sociologistsstudyingvictims,the downtrodden,the be-
reaved,the sick, and otherunderdogs(Becker 1967) and potentialsym-
pathizees.These materialsyieldinformation on how people make claims
to sympathyand how sympathygatekeepersrespond.
I also involved myselfas a participantobserver(sometimesmore as
participant,othersmoreas observer)of sympathy interactionsin natural
settings(e.g., hospitals,funeralhomes,offices,etc.) overa periodof two
years.Field notesfromtheseobservationswereespeciallyusefulin ana-
lyzingsympathymarginand etiquette.
A fourthsource of data is a surveyof northernNew Jerseyresidents
(hereafter designated"respondents").Studentinterviewers presentedvi-
gnettesdepictingthreeplightsto a crosssectionofadultnonstudents. The
877 respondentswerepredominantly whiteCatholics,rangedin age from
18 to 77, and came mostlyfromtheworkingand middleclasses.In one of
the vignettes,a hurricanehas damaged a family'shouse; in another,a
womanis brutallybeatenby a man she "metin passingin a bar"; in the
third,a youngcouple'smarriageis jeopardizedby one spouse'sproblems
withalcohol. Respondentswere asked to read one of thesevignettes,to
indicatethe degreeof sympathytheyfeltforthe character(s)(from"ex-
tremelysorry"to "somewhatsorry"to "notsorryat all"), and to describe
what aspects of the storyhad affectedtheirresponses.The vignettes
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Sympathy
ConceptualizingSympathyProcesses
Afterquestioning,listening,observing,and reading,I foundthatmany
people (and even some sympathycards) claimed sympatheticfeelings
were inexpressibleand proved it by having troublearticulatingtheir
nebulous conceptionsof sympathy.Some of those who would venture
definitionssaid sympathyis "feelingsorryfor someone," "a sense of
understanding," and "feelingbadly forpeople with problems,whether
you know themor not."
People oftenconfusedsympathyitselfwiththeir(chieflynegative)at-
titudestowardgivingand gettingit. Asked to describesympathy,a per-
son mightsay, "I don't believe in sympathy"(middle-agedwoman), or
"I'm not a knee-jerktype"(middle-agedman), or "I don'tknow,but I'd
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SYMPATHY COMPONENTS
Despitethemuddlednatureofpeople'stalkabout sympathy, I detecteda
core,taken-for-granted,three-partdefinition
ofsympathy.2 This emotion
mayentailan internally feltsentiment,a behaviorexpressedto others,or
both.3Priorto eitherof theseis a thirdsympathycomponentthatI will
call empathy,or role taking.
Empathy.-Following Stark(1978) and Lerner(1980), I use the term
empathyto referto takingtheroleoftheother,independentofa senseof
concernor concerndue. Mead also saw "takingtheattitudeoftheother"
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4In a strict
sense,sympathy
sentiments
couldincludefeeling
happyforothers(e.g., at
weddings, births,victories,
and anniversaries
[Znaniecki1967,pp. 538-42])as wellas
feelingsorryforothers.In thispaper,theformerare slighted,
thelatterspotlighted.
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SYMPATHY FLOW
For sympathyto exist,theremust be two people-a sympathizeeand
a sympathizer.(Even ifwe includeself-pity in thecategoryof sympathy,
we can say thattwo selves are involved,one to feelforanother.)Rules,
meanings,and consequencesdifferbetweensympathy donorsand recipi-
ents.
A set of loose, unwrittenrules-an "emotionaleconomy"(Collins
1981)-governs how feelingsflow.I am usingthe termemotionalecon-
omyto mean merelya system,producedand reproducedby interacting
groupmembers,forregulatingemotionalresourcesin a community. An
emotionaleconomyis a methodfordispersingthroughout the groupthe
feelingcurrencynecessaryforcreatingand maintainingconnectedness in
general-and valued social identitiesin particular(Franks 1985). It pro-
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Sympathy
economy
motesgroupsurvivaljust as a money-based,goods-and-services
does.5
Such capitalistprinciplesas theprofitmotiveusuallyplaylittlepartin
the emotionaleconomy;to aim forunlimitedpersonalemotionalgain at
others'expenseis, in fact,a violationof the rules.Instead, the people I
observed,interviewed,and read about followeda sympathyeconomy
based on two principles.Sympathizersshould adhere to the relatively
socialistictenetofthestrongsupporting the"deserving"weak. Recipients
shouldreciprocate.
Sympathizersare expectedto displaysympathy,not indiscriminately,
butin a mannerappropriateto thepersonand to theplight.In whatmay
be a split second, a potentialsympathizer considersthe moralworthof
theother,thesympathyworthinessoftheother'splight,theother'scom-
plicityin the plight,and one's own situationrelativeto the other's.The
outcomemay or may not be sympathy.
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6 It has beenwidely
assumedthatsomepeoplebelieveina justworldand somedo not.
It seemsmorelikelythateach ofus makessomejust-world interpretations
and some
sympathy interpretations.
Even the "weakestsister"blamessomevictims,and the
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Sudnow's(1967) studyofhospitalstaffprovidesexamplesofthedisplay
normsexpectedof thosedealingface to facewithbereavedfamilymem-
bers. Physiciansgiving"bad news"to relatives"cannot,likethetelegram
deliverer,merelypresentthenewsand leave thescene,butmustevidence
some degreeof generalconcernand responsibility" (p. 129). The relative
has the rightto cry,moan, screamout, in otherwords,"to suspendhis
concernfornormallyenforceablerequirements of... composure"(p. 136)
on hearingof the death. He or she also has the rightto indicatewhen
interactionmay proceedafterthe periodof "carryingon" (p. 142). The
staffmemberhas the obligationto deferto the other,to presenthim-or
herselfsolemnly,with appropriatetone of voice, facial expression,and
the like.
Among my own interviewees,a 40-year-oldprofessionalwoman, in
reporting herreactionto a friend'sillness,said: "I can remember sayingto
myself,'Now, thisis a shock,and you haven'ttakenit in yet,but you'd
betterlookserious.'" Anotherwoman,a 36-year-oldwaitressand college
student,in notingviolationsof displaynorms,said: "My childrenwere
shockedto see [distantrelatives]laughingand drinkingat theirgrandma's
funeral.In fact,so was I!" Interestingly enough,when myinterviewees
merelybegan to think,in theinterviewsituation,about theirreactionsto
others'plights,theyfrequently adopted the facial expressions,postures,
and tonesofvoice appropriateto sympathy display-erasing smiles,knit-
tingeyebrows,sittingup straighter, and speakingin "concerned"tones.
Changes in SympathyMargin
A given sympathyaccount or marginheld by a specificotherdoes not
always remain constant.It is continuallynegotiatedand may be in-
creased,decreased,replenished,or used up entirely.Beyondthenumber
ofsympathy creditsautomatically"on account"in one's margins,a group
membercan earn credits,forexample,by investingsympathy, help,and
concernin others.The natureoftherelationship betweenthetwo parties
mayalso changeas thesympathymarginsof one or bothchange.Invest-
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I wasbyhersideathermother's Wherewasshewhenmybrothers
funeral.
died?I don'tcountheras partofthefamily secretary,
anymore.[Retired
age 70]
l reviewerforthisinsight.
I am indebtedto an anonymous
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died. .. I reallylearned
whenhermother
becauseI hadn'tdoneanything
mylesson!
Whatlessonwas that?
whensomeonedies.
To alwaysgivesympathy
The friend'srightto sympathy at thedeathofhermotherwas, in hereyes
at least, so greatas to outweighher own denials of need.
A 37-year-oldbusinesswomansummarizesa commonview ofunderin-
vestors:"[They]live a crummykindoflife.So uninvolved.So dispassion-
ate. But theyneverhave to do anythingforanybody.. . . It's selfish"
(Field notes,Aug. 1985). The underinvestor's sin, it seems,is to be aloof
and removedfromthe group.
At the other extremeare those who make significantoverinvest-
ments-both ofsympathy sentiment and display-ratherthanclosingthe
accountsofclaimantswho are notworthy,whoseplightsare notworthy,
and who do not adhere to the rules of sympathyetiquette.One of my
interviewees,forexample,told of her feelingsabout her husband,who
takes her sympathyforgrantedbut never asks about or listensto her
problems:"I shouldleave him.It's stupid,butI'd feelsorryforhimtrying
to managealone. He's used to havingsomeonearound"(housewifein her
5Os).
To explainwhatappearsto be overinvestment ofsympathy, we needto
consider:(1) othertypesof currencybeingexchangedin relationships, (2)
rules for establishingmoral worth,and (3) social rewardsotherthan
gratitudeor sympathy.
First, sympathyis not the only commoditypeople are exchanging.
Money,love, and supportforsocial identitiesare amongthemanyothers
(Lofland1982). A person'sfailureto followsympathyrulesmaylead to a
closed account unless othercommoditiesbeing exchangedcan compen-
sate. Further,a sympathy accountmaybe closed,butthatdoes notmean
thatall otherkindsof accounts-respect accountsor instrumental duty
accounts-are closed simultaneously.A relationshipmay be continued
because it affordsotherrewards,but it may become distantor hostile
thereafter ifthemotivationto empathizeand sympathizeis lackingin one
because of the other'sdeviant sympathybiography.Empty sympathy
displays,dutifully performed, maybe one result.Or a spiralmaybeginin
whichA's perceptionof B's failingsleads A to refuseto sympathizewith
B, whichleads B to refuseto sympathizewithA, and so on.
A secondreasonforapparentoverinvestment is thatculturalruleslink
the act of givingto moralworthin general(Mauss 1954; Mitchell1978)
and to the requirementsof certainsocial roles. The "nice" person,the
morallyworthyperson,shouldfeelthatit is betterto givethanto receive,
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CONCLUSIONS
In sum, I have argued that sympathysentimentand displayflowun-
evenlyamonggroupmembers,usuallyin patternedand institutionalized
ways. People who have acceptable sympathybiographiesare ascribed
marginby others-theyhave a rightto sympathy in appropriatecircum-
stances. Having an acceptable sympathybiographymeans following
rulesof etiquette:not makingfraudulentclaims,not claimingtoo much
too readily,claimingsome sympathy,and reciprocating for sympathy
gifts.A flawed sympathybiographyleads to closed accounts, except
when rulesof nicenessor goodness,perhapscombinedwithduty,moti-
vate people to keep marginsopen.
The implicationsof thesesympathyrulesand processesare numerous.
For one thing,sympathyis relatedto themicropolitics ofrelationships.
12
Because of an awareness of sympathyrules, some people may, con-
sciouslyor unconsciously,give sympathyto manipulateothersintoposi-
tionsof closenessor positionsof owing. Indebtednessaffectspowerand
status relationships.The debt may not be one that the debtorfreely
contracts;it can be imposed by the sympathizer.Furthermore, giving
sympathymay belittlethe recipientbecause it pointsup problemsand
insufficiencies.
The followingcase explicitlyillustratestheconsciousma-
nipulationof sympathyby a workerto belittlea boss:
I remember
thatI onceusedsympathyonpurposetotrytoknocksomeone
downa peg.I hada bosswhowasalwaysdoingandsaying toputme
things
downin a semi-niceway . . . I gottiredofit,so I turneditaroundon him.I
was in hisoffice,
and I said,"Oh,Mr. Wall,lookat all thosereports
you
haveto getdone.I feelso sorryforyou.I wouldn't wantyourjob forthe
world." He changedcolors,andI couldseehewasmad.He justsaid,"Oh,
I can getthisdonein a snap.Nothing to it!"and edgedme outthedoor.
Normally he wouldhavechatteda while.So I reallygotina goodzinger.
[Middle-aged professional
woman]
Micropoliticsare also affectedwhen, through"deep acting,"one ma-
nipulatesone's own sympathysentimentto counteractfear,hatred,or
angerand maintaina senseofefficacy. Fearingor hatinga personmaybe
more unpleasantthan feelingsorryfor him or her. Flight attendants
interviewedby Hochschild admittedworkingup sympathywhen con-
frontedwith an unrulyor obnoxiouspassengertheyinitiallydetested
(Hochschild 1983, p. 55; see also Thoits 1985, p. 234). Several of my
12 Manymodesofinteracting-touching (Henley1977),waiting(Schwartz1973),ad-
dressing (Derber1979;Zimmerman
(Brown1965),and interrupting andWest1975)-
meaningsin interaction.
can have political(power-related) High-prestige and high-
powerpeoplemayfeelrelatively morefreedom to initiatetouching,to causeothersto
wait,to addressothersbytheirfirstnames,and to interrupt thelesspowerful.In all
thesecases,rulesforactingare keyedto relativesocialstanding.
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REFERENCES
Atwater, Lynn,and HowardRobboy.1972."The Sociologyof'DoingGood.' " Paper
presentedat theannualmeetings of theSocietyfortheStudyof Social Problems,
New Orleans.
Becker,HowardS. 1967."WhoseSide AreWe On?" Social Problems14:239-47.
Blau, PeterM. 1964.Exchangeand Powerin Social Life.New York:Wiley.
Blumer,Herbert.1962. "Societyas SymbolicInteraction." Pp. 179-92 in Human
Behaviorand Social Processes:An InteractionistApproach,editedby ArnoldM.
Rose. Boston:HoughtonMifflin.
Boulding,KennethE. 1973. The EconomyofLove and Fear: A Prefaceto Grants
Economics.Belmont,Calif.:Wadsworth.
Brown,Roger.1965.Social Psychology. New York: Free Press.
Chambliss,WilliamJ. 1973."The Saintsand theRoughnecks." Society11:24-31.
Collins,Randall. 1981. SociologysinceMidcentury: Essays in TheoryCumulation.
New York:Academic.
Cook,Judith.1985."EmotionalFactorsin theExperiences ofMen FollowingTheir
Children'sDeaths." Paper presentedat the annual meetingsof the American
SociologicalAssociation,Washington, D.C.
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