Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at

http://download.archiveofourown.org/works/6882292.

Rating: General Audiences

Archive Warning: Major Character Death
Category: M/M
Fandom: | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Relationship: Min Yoongi | Suga/Park Jimin
Character: Min Yoongi | Suga, Park Jimin (BTS)
Additional Tags: Marriage, Slice of Life, Drama, Angst, Cussing
Stats: Published: 2016-05-20 Completed: 2016-05-22 Chapters: 2/2 Words:
13608

and honey, i miss you (and i'm being good)

by superbroc

Summary

Park Jimin and Min Yoongi, joined in matrimony which life, often but not always, gets in
the middle of.

'see the tree, how big it's grown; but friend, it hasn't been too long.'

Notes

hi! i have, like, a million wips on hold but i just had to write this. i hope you guys like it!
( based off a lovely song from the 60's my dad sings to my mom a lot by bobby goldsboro.
also quite loosely based around the two of them. i got all emotional about this, since you
know. ya'll get it. )
 The Seed

They get married in the early stages of winter.

Well, technically, it's barely winter and they were barely married. Not by state, anyway, which
Yoongi thought was unfair because he had never looked at someone and wanted to marry them so
bad quite like he was looking at Jimin, head resting on his outstretched forearm, eyes staring at the
stars that shone only for the both of them.

They goddamn might as well should have been.

Looking back, Yoongi never thought they were from the same worlds. It was a completely
different setting for the both of them, Jimin a student counselor in high school and Yoongi's
teenage angst lashing out all the goddamn time. He doesn't really remember how they got close,
only that they did, and they didn't talk about a relationship before they actually did get together.

Yoongi heard music whenever he saw Park Jimin; slow, passionate strings exploding in color, and
he knew Jimin felt that way, too.

It was instant, an unspoken understanding of the universe's plan for them; boy meets boy, can
never agree on what songs to play or what movie to watch, but could agree on a spot where they
could sit, a position in which they melted into each other like ice and fire, unlikely but beautiful .
Park Jimin was beautiful, the stars were beautiful, and Min Yoongi ran headfirst into the greater
power that drew them both together, taking Jimin's hand, tracing his fingers, saying,

"I don't have a ring, but I'd like to stay with you forever, if that's okay."

Jimin's answer is in the kiss he gives him.

oh my love for the first time in my life

my eyes are wide open

--

They weren't rich, but that wasn't the point. It never was.

The point was that they had found a small house near the suburbs (they need to take up a huge
loan for it, but that wasn't the point either) and it wasn't too shabby nor too expensive. It had a
backyard, a space for Jimin's potential flowerbed, a kitchen, a bathroom, and a bed. Really, not at
all too bad.

"Hate to see you go, man," Namjoon says in a low voice as Yoongi throws him his extra key. He
jolts a little before he catches it successfully, and even looks a little proud. Yoongi adjusts the box
he was carrying in his arms and feels a little mix of overwhelmed and excited. Excitedly
overwhelmed? This was the rest of his whole life in a box.

"But are you really?" Yoongi smirks, and Namjoon laughs along with him.

"I've been your roommate since college and now you've got a job, and a house, and a life
partner," Namjoon sighs dreamily, allowing the shorter one to hit him softly in the stomach. He
mockingly doubles over, exhaling for dramatic effect. "Makes me wonder where I'm going, you
know?"

"Well, you can definitely start by asking Seokjin out."

Namjoon's face turns cherry. "Uh, no, leave. Now. I won't miss you."

Yoongi laughs, because they both know it's not true, and when it dies down, they look at each
other with the mutual warmth of goodbye.

"Take care of yourself out there, man."

"I will."

--

Baby steps. That's all it is, baby steps.

Yoongi repeats this to himself after he hits his finger with the hammer again for the nth time.
There's music playing, old The Beatles records Jimin brought along, and he's dancing around the
house with a broom while Yoongi tried to follow all the vague instructions in the pamphlet that
came with the desk and it was pissing him the hell off.

But Jimin needs the study table to study for his bar exam, and it was only halfway there. Sighing,
Yoongi looks at the paper again. Fig. 5 to Fig. 6.

"Are you feeling alright, Mr. Min Yoongi?" Jimin asks, playfully doing some sort of two-step
waltz with the mop from the living room. When Yoongi smiles, his furrowed brows feel like they
haven't been rested for years, face relaxing and the edges of his lips lifting.

"You look like you're having fun."

Jimin laughs. "I am! The living room looks so nice. Thank your sister for the flowers will you?
Really makes the room look alright."

"I'm sure it would have looked great whatever you chose to do with it." Yoongi jokingly makes a
swat gesture with his hand. "Now run along now. I'm trying to figure this desk out."

But Jimin doesn't run along. He dances his way to Yoongi, gracefully tiptoeing around the
wreckage of tools, wood and bolts, and naturally manages to find an empty space behind where
Yoongi sat legs sprawled, and knelt down to hug his waist.

"I'm sorry," Jimin says apologetically, resting his head on Yoongi's shoulder. I kind of need the
desk to be a lawyer.

Yoongi exhales before breathing Jimin in. He smelt like home and lavender air freshener. Its not
that good of a desk to be honest. He admits.

And Im not that good of a lawyer, but we all have to live.

Jimin, Yoongi turns his head a little to look at the love of his life, smiling and already looking
back at him. You dont even wanna be a lawyer.

Well, I spent time and money to learn so, you know. Jimin shrugs. I guess its better that way.
Yoongi smiles back weakly and looks at the manual he was reading. You dont have to be like
your dad, you know. Just because hes gone doesnt mean you have the obligation to continue his
legacy. He mutters, and Jimin laughs lowly in response.

I know. What do you think Id be better off doing, anyway? You ?

Yoongi finally breaks out in loud laughter for a few seconds, and Jimin only watches with a wide
grin, as if he were capturing the moment and storing them away only for him.

Mmm, yeah, but if it were a for life thing I think youd be better off dancing.

Theres a pregnant pause before Jimin breathes out a small chuckle. Really? Dancings always
just been a hobby, though.

Thats what your parents thought, Yoongi says, wrench in hand. Not what you think, and
definitely not what I think.

Jimin pauses and wonders what he did to end up so lucky. Softly beaming with admiration for the
man, he lays another longer kiss to Yoongis cheek before the song on the record stops and a new
one plays, drums strongly kicking in. Jimin jolts up.

You know what I think? He begins to get up and tug at Yoongis sweater. I think you should
get up and dance with me.

What, to this song? Right now?

Jimin pouts. Yeah. I love this song.

Something inside Yoongi breaks in two and is coaxed to get him standing, just as long as the grin
on Jimins lips grew wider with excitement. His hands go around his lovers waist, and Jimins
around his neck, and they sway slowly in the minimal floor space.

Yoongi accidentally steps on a bolt once or twice and ruins the mood for a few seconds, but the
lamp in the room is making yellow shadows on Jimins face, and the living room does look
gorgeous, so nothing couldnt be healed by a couple chuckles and the look in Jimins eyes, silent
i love you s and the absolute opposite of regret.

Theyre still swaying even as the song ends in their little home, still barely set up and built on a
large loan, but Yoongi shushes those thoughts away and holds Jimin closer.

Baby steps. Thats all it is, baby steps.

Something in the way she moves

Attracts me like no other lover
Something in the way she woos me

I dont wanna leave her now.

You know I believe in how.

--

Min Yoongi is a good husband, lover, friend and, most especially, producer. He could probably
do better with more equipment but for now, the independent label he works for is paying him
barely enough than he really needs. He takes it because he really wouldnt be able to do anything
else.

Jimin has been a huge help, too. Although he was bent over his desk studying in his free time, he
was good at convincing Yoongi he was earning enough and didnt have to give it up. Not that
Yoongi really planned too, only if desperate measures were needed--

Feedback .

What? Yoongi turns to Chanyeol, the sound engineer, who pushes his headphones down his
ears frustratedly and disappears into the live room. Yoongi watches him struggle with the wires
from the glass on the wall.

The studio was a little bit bigger than a regular classroom, both Chanyeol and Yoongi having to
share the control room, continuously shifting from side to side so the other could pass. And yet,
most of the musicians who come to record their EPs have the gall to snarl when something wrong
happens, like, for example, feedback .

That was the most annoying part of the job. The label invested in such lame talent, Yoongi
couldnt do anything to save them and what was worse was just because they use the studio, they
feel like theyre entitled to the best.

We were all scum once, he wants to say.

Yoongi peeks at the monitor. Thin white lines poked upwards and downwards on the track, a
painful mess. He grabs the microphone.

Uh, yeah, sorry were gonna have to re-record, man. Microphone had a feedback problem.

He doesnt know if the rapper knows his microphone is on, and Yoongi is very much willing to
tell him hes doing a really bad fucking job so he shouldnt complain, but Chanyeol is going back
into the booth and he has to count down before he starts recording again.

Naturally, he wonders if Jimin was doing any better.

--

You you bought a tree ?

I mean, Jimin looks around the room rubbing the nape of his neck, lopsided smile beginning to
disappear from his mouth, embarrassed. Its not really a tree. Yet .

Yoongi puts his wallets on the table and stares at Jimin confused. So, like, what is it?

Well, do you want to see it? Jimin motions towards the door to the backyard and honestly all
Yoongi wants to do after a day of being needlessly yelled at is rest, and sleep next to Jimin, and
wake up feeling better like he always did.

But Jimin looked so excited, and his legs were bouncing, so he cant say no. With a closed smile,
he lets Jimin grab his hand and lead him out the door. Theres no tall beanstalk at first glance but
then Jimin is leading him to the end and in the middle of the bare soil patch, a twig.
Thats a twig.

No, Yoongi, thats a tree. Ive named it Jimbles. He replies proudly, and Yoongi cant help but
grin.

You named it Jimbles? He asks in disbelief, and Jimin gives him a look of seriousness.

Would you rather we name it something else?

Maybe Teeny would be suitable.

Hey! Jimin calls out in faux anger, hitting Yoongi softly on the arm and raising his chin. Dont
say that to the baby. From now on, this tree is our responsibility, and we will raise it tall and strong
and itll be the best tree.

And thats when Yoongi bursts out laughing, doubling over until his throat felt sore and his
stomach hurt, while Jimin stood and watched him with his hands on his hips.

Stop laughing at my tree!

But Yoongi doesnt, simply because he cant, until Jimins grabbing him by the shoulders and
slowly rocking him back and forth, fighting the smile tickling his lips. Why are you laughing? I
really put a lot of effort into planting it, you know, so stop!

Im sorry, baby, Im.. He wipes the tears coming out from the side of his eyes. Youre just..
Youre so cute about a twig.

Jimin frowns. Hey . No twig talk. Its a tree.

Yoongi shakes his head, looking back at the tiny branch peeking from the small rubble of soil.
Not from where Im standing its not.

You just need to realize that things often need time and love to be able to grow. Jerk .

--

On their free days, they divide the workload by their ability.

While Jimin cooked, Yoongi made the beds. While Jimin swept every square of the house,
Yoongi cleaned the windows. While Jimin did laundry, Yoongi did the dishes. When the day was
done, the couch was for the both of them, and after fighting five minutes for a choice of film, they
end up sleeping by the middle of it.

However, when Yoongis sister left them an infant to take care of for a few hours while she and
her husband went out for dinner on their anniversary, they were both clueless.

Although, Jimin was far more excited.

Whats her name? He asks for the nth time, squealing over the sleeping baby on the bed and
Yoongi has to remind him to be quiet again.

Im pretty sure its Miyoung.

Youre pretty sure its Miyoung?

Pretty sure. He nods firmly, staring at the human wrinkle. Everytime she moved, Yoongi would
flinch, ready to spring into action if anything happened. Although, its Jimin who has the courage
to pick her up when she wakes up and starts to cry.

And its also Jimin who makes the bottle of milk and feeds her while gently bouncing up and
down to calm her down and Yoongi stares at him in awe, realizing he knew nothing at all about
infantry and also that his life was far better with Jimin in it, but that he already knew.

Jimin plays with the kid a lot the whole night, making her smile and wiggle around like she had a
burst of energy go through every bone in her body at the sight of Jimin laughing and Yoongi just
observes, feeling the same way.

He never knew Jimin had that skill with children and when its time for the baby to leave, he also
notices the reluctance as Jimin returned the child to her mother.

Thanks for taking care of Minhee! She waves before Jimin closes the door, and Yoongi looks
back from the sofa.

Oh, its not Miyoung. He laughs, and expects Jimin to laugh along, but compared to the whole
evening it was as if he had suddenly been drained of all happiness, faking a pursed smile and
crawling in the sofa.

He curls up against Yoongis body and closes his eyes for a while.

Tired, baby?

I cant believe you didnt really know her name. Jimin jokes weakly, opening his eyes to look
up at Yoongi.

He knows that look.

Theres a pause, but Yoongi already sees it coming.

How much do you think adoption is?

Yoongi laughs again, albeit more strained and less from genuine joy than fear. It fades when he
realizes Jimin stays completely quiet, and not even in the way he did when they were having a
mock argument. When he realizes Jimin isnt kidding, he looks down, sighing.

Right. No. Its stupid. Jimin huffs wryly, forcing a smile but it doesnt stay long and Yoongi
feels like hes committed a crime.

Jimin, no, please, dont be upset, He tries to bargain, shaking him a little bit so hell look back
up. He does. Just be realistic-- practical. Were barely making enough for us, and the paperwork
is so complicated, especially for us--

No, I get it baby, its fine. He smiles, then gets up from the couch, retreating to their bedroom
with a small, It was a stupid idea. that Yoongi wished he hadnt heard, because maybe hed feel
less like he killed a man.

--

For the next couple days, Jimin seemed drained. Yoongi wonders if it had something to do with
being baby-drunk, but then he realizes every single day when Yoongi was at work being yelled at,
Jimin was at home alone, or studying alone, or going to class alone.

Jimin wasnt withdrawing because of an argument. He was withdrawing because he was lonely.

Have you been seeing Taehyung lately? Yoongi asks out of curiosity one day while they both
drank their morning coffee, trying to pass off his concerns with a potential everyday question.
Jimin looks surprised, but then shakes his head.

Taehyung? No, He pauses to think for a while. Well, I mean he asked if we could hang out a
couple days ago, but I told him I couldnt because I had to go grocery shopping.

Yoongi feels a needless amount of guilt on his shoulders. Jimin, He reaches for his hand. You
should go out. Hes your best friend.

Jimin gives him an unsure frown. But But I have a lot of things to do today, like the
flowerbeds need fertilizer, and..

Jimin. Yoongi cuts him off, giving him a look. Call Taehyung. Go out. Have fun. Ill be at
work until late today, anyway.

With a sigh, Jimin nods but isnt entirely convincing. He knew Jimin, and Jimin only did that
whenever he wanted Yoongi off his back.

And so Yoongi gets off his back.

But after getting his paycheck and seeing he received a little extra, he just couldnt stop thinking
about it. He passes by a ring on display, glinting against the glass of the jewelry shop, gold and
engraved. He thinks Jimin would look good wearing it, soft hands hugging the band he deserved.

But Yoongi gets another idea and turns the other way.

Instead, he rescues a dog.

And not just a dog. A puppy.

It was a little shy and scrawny, underfed and slightly abused but Yoongi knew Jimin was a firm
believer in time and love and patience, so he decides its the perfect companion.

Alright, listen, Yoongi says immediately when Jimin opens the door in his mint green apron,
bangs tied up to an apple bob.

His eyes widen. Yoongi what are you--you look out of breath--

I need you to know that I really really love you, thats why I did this, and I know its not a real
child, but you were really happy about the twig so I thought-- Also, I looked really awkward in
the bus but if youre gonna be really happy--

Yoongi is that a dog?

Yoongi mentally cursed the animal for whimpering under his coat, so he brings it out and Jimins
eyes open the size of discs, the tiny eight week animal barely fitting itself in Yoongis hands.

Suddenly his face is buried in Jimins shoulders, the latter hugging him around his neck, kissing
his cheeks and making sure not to squish the dog between them.

I love you, I love you, I love you, thank you so much, Im--
Yoongi smiles, relief filling in his chest. I love you, you know. Id love to give you the world,
but we just have to wait a little-- Shit, Jimin, are you crying?

Jimins face is red and wet, but hes smiling, albeit sobs keep breaking through his broken grin
and tears kept leaking down his cheeks and chin.

Im sorry, I just Im so happy. I dont have to wait anymore. Jimin carefully cradles the puppy
in his hands and looks at Yoongi with so much love and joy, he thought he would combust.

Yoongi, you and this dog and this house-- my worlds already right here with me.

--

The dog, which Jimin had so lovingly named Kumamon , felt like an excuse to leave Jimin home
alone more. Jimin had began to brighten up ever since the dog came along, which was good, if
only it didnt keep Yoongi up all night barking at the shadows the furniture made, or shit in his
house slippers.

Small issues, He always told himself whenever he accidentally stepped in Kumamons morning
gift, or when he couldnt sleep. What mattered was that Jimin was happy, and even when he was
already fast asleep by the time Yoongi got home, or when they really only talked in the morning,
Jimin convinced him it was alright.

Except it wasnt. The only things they talked about was the state of the house, money, bills, and
what time Yoongi had to come home. It wasnt alright. Yoongi knew it wasnt. But he also knew
it wouldnt last forever.

It was a classic scenario. He was busy, especially in the holiday season, and working to get a
bigger raise or bonus, at least. In the end, it was all for Park Jimin, so who was he to complain?

Youve been waiting for your big break, Min Yoongi?

Yoongi nearly jumps out of his headphones and breaks his sampler after the door opens and his
boss comes barging in, hand on his shoulder and grin on his face. He pauses the steady beat hes
created and looks to pay attention, standing and giving a bow.

What big break? He asks, and his boss grabs him by the side of his arms and grins wider.

Out in Japan, my man. Theres a band there with their own studio and equipment, they just badly
need a producer since their original dropped out. Its a whole album, Min Yoongi, and they sent
out a lot of invitations for producers but I made sure youre getting there earliest.

Yoongi stopped to take all the information in, eyes widening while his boss excitedly nodded and
grinned all the same, starting to shake him. This was it. This was what Yoongi wanted. A large
studio, nicer equipment, a higher paycheck, to record actual talent, to make more for Jimin.

Jimin.

He would be excited to know, he thought, because then Yoongi would be able to give him the
world he deserved, not chinese takeout on the living room floor every night and cheap budget cut
backs, and a shitty desk.

So how do I get there? He asks, suddenly a hundred times more motivated. His boss gives him a
proud, closed smile and pats his shoulder once.
I scheduled your flight for two in the morning, and your tickets in your e-mail. Ill let you go
home early to pack up. Just tell Chanyeol to fix everything up around here.

Before he leaves, Yoongi gives him a deeper bow than he usually did, a silent thank you for a
boost in a better future for both him and Jimin.

--

Jimin isnt excited.

Oh ? Ive been offered the opportunity of a lifetime to be able to provide for the both us and our
future, and all you tell me is Oh ?

Yoongi didnt know why he was frustrated. He expected a big reaction and an even bigger kiss on
the face, but Jimin just sits there on the dining room table over dinner, hands retreating from the
instant ramen in his bowl. He hated it when Jimin made him feel like he did something wrong and
didnt tell him, but at the same time, he didnt know why he was lashing out like he was. The
begrudging feeling sat at the pit of his stomach and boiled up his esophagus, sat on his tongue, left
his lips.

Im sorry, Jimin says bitingly, looking down at his hands and raising his voice. What do you
want me to say, Min Yoongi?

His teeth grind. That youre happy Im willing to do this for the both of us? That youre in this
with me, that youre proud I have an opportunity like this one? Jesus, Jimin, its not that hard.

But it is, His head suddenly looks up, staring at Yoongi with so much scorn it made him
uncomfortable. He licked his lips before he spoke. Because Im proud of you, but Im not
happy.

Yoongi wants to ask why he wouldnt be, why he wouldnt want Yoongi to give him everything
he wanted and progress in his career, but he feels the scream just queueing at the bottom of his
throat and Jimins eyes were glazed with redness.

With a loud exhale, Jimins shoulders deflate and he plays with his noodles. How long do they
want you gone, anyway?

A month. Yoongi replies briefly, looking down at his feet. Look, Jimin, baby . Im only doing
this because I want whats best for us, you know that. You have your student loans, we have a
mortgage to pay off--

Whats best for us is if you dont leave. Jimin cuts him off in a low voice.

Yoongis fingers shake, and he drops his fork on the table with a bang that resonates around the
whole kitchen, soup bouncing out the paper bowl and onto the table. The tables legs screech
against the floor as his elbows knock against it, burying his face in his palms. Jimin flinches, and
backs away. Inhale, exhale.

You obviously dont know whats best for us, then. He breathes out, running his hands in his
hair and tugging at the edges. Jimin doesnt reply. He pushes the table and stands, unable to look
his lover in the eyes.
I have to pack.

--

Hes holding Kumamon on the couch when Yoongi emerges from the room, ticket in hand and
travel bag in the other. Hed just gotten off the phone with the house he was supposed to be
accommodated in, and he feels the genuine warmness of his hosts over the phone, a Korean
couple who moved to Japan. Hed also called a cab to the airport, and Namjoon to check in on the
house every now and then while he was gone. Everything was set.

Everything except for Jimin, who didnt even look back when Yoongi stood behind the sofa
silently waiting for him to take his eyes off the romantic drama playing on television. The Fault In
Our Stars , the cheesy TV dubbed version, but Jimin couldnt take his eyes off.

Yoongi knew too well that Jimin wasnt really into it, he was just too stubborn to approve of what
Yoongi was doing, but deep inside, he assumed Jimin knew it was the right decision too, he just
didnt want to admit it.

Its near midnight. He says, and Jimin hums in reply. Yoongi tries again in a softer voice. You
should go to bed. You have class tomorrow.

Mmmph, He grunts again, and Yoongi forces his patience to lengthen even just a little bit.
Sighing, he circles the couch and sits at the end, beside where Jimins feet were propped up.
Kumamon snuggled against his stomach, Jimins fingers petting his head while his eyes were
glued on the screen.

Jimin, please dont be like this. Im only doing this for us, you know.

Jimin doesnt even flinch. Mmm.

Theres a loud honk outside the house before Yoongi could attempt at saying anything else, so he
resorts to a soft kiss on Jimins nose, who shows no reaction, and a meaningful, I love you.

And Yoongi waits, lingers in-front of him, but after a few seconds, he realizes Jimin wasnt going
to reply.

He sighs again before he adjusts his bags and turns and walks the other way. It takes all the
strength in him to close the door, and he sees the cab waiting there, headlights on and engine
singing. He gets in the back seat, bags first, and untangles his earphones.

Airport, right? The driver asks, looking back at the rear view mirror.

Yeah.

As the car slowly begins to reverse, Yoongi keeps his eyes on the door and sees the televisions
light blinking from the cracks. Jimins in there, and hes not going to bed, and hes going to stare
at his phone wanting to call Yoongi, and it could come any minute now, he knows it.

Yoongi puts his headphones on as the cab drives away but he doesnt play any music. Instead, he
turns his phone on and off in search for a call, or at least a text message from Jimin. It was always
like this when they fought, why was it taking so long now?

He watches lights outside the window. Red and yellow, sometimes blue, and then back at his
phone after the attempt to distract himself proves to be unsuccessful. His phone vibrates once, but
only to tell him there were free wifi networks open in the area, and Yoongi has never been angrier
at a phone notification.

He bargains with God. Any word from Jimin would be great. A message of approval, a goodbye
message, a basic take care! , a call me when youre boarding , hell, even the painfully missing
I love you, too .

But he waits, and theres nothing.

He puts on music.

Something in the way she moves

Attracts me like no other lover--

Fuck .

He couldnt do it.

He nearly rips the earphones off, leaning forward. Turn the cab back, please.

--

He nearly throws the cash to the driver, stumbles through the front lawn, and runs inside slamming
the door shut behind him before dropping his bags on the floor.

Jimin was still awake, still staring at the screen. The film was ending. He cringed when the door
shut.

I couldnt do it. Yoongi confesses, pulling his hair with his left hand, standing at the doorway, a
shadow of shame. I couldnt do it. I couldnt leave you. Youre right. I should be I shouldnt
be--

He stops when he realizes Jimin wasnt looking back at him because he was still mad. He wasnt
looking back because he couldnt breathe, shoulders going up and down, sounds suddenly coming
out in broken gasps.

He was crying.

Yoongi walks over to the sofa, sitting at the edge and watching Jimins tears cascade down his
eyes, tracing his cheeks and chin, falling onto his shirt. His hands were shaking trying to cover his
mouth and pause from sobbing, but they failed to, and his lips quivered with every short breath
and hiccup.

He hesitates, but Yoongi reaches out slowly and pulls Jimin to him silently. Jimin leans into
Yoongis touch like an automatic reflex, eyes still on the television, and scoots closer before
defeatedly burying his face in Yoongis jacket and letting the man hold him as he grabbed a fistful
of his shirt and crumpled it in his palm, pulling him. He bawled louder, as if pouring out all the
sour emotions and misery onto Yoongis chest, sharing the burden and grief he accepted with
open arms because this was what a relationship was; togetherness in all, including in darkness, and
Yoongi knows this now.

Jimin caught his breath eventually, back no longer shivering by the end credits and instead letting
go of Yoongis tee and throwing soft punches at his chest, a silent punishment Yoongi knew he
deserved.
Im sorry. Yoongi whispers, kissing his head. I shouldnt have left you. Well find ways to
survive, ways in which I wont ever have to leave you. I was so wrong, Im sorry.

I love you too . He hears Jimin weakly mumble against the cloth. His knows was stuffed, and
he couldnt speak properly, but he knows what he says and he breathes with relief. And I was
crying because Augustus Waters died, not because of you, you dumbo.

Yoongi laughs lightly, nodding and hugging Jimin closer. He hears a tiny laugh. Yeah, yeah. I
know. Of course that was it.

Jimin breathes before wrapping his arms around Yoongis chest. I dropped out of law school. A
day ago.

What? Yoongis eyes widen, holding Jimins shoulder so he could look at him. Why didnt
you tell me? Whyd you do that?

He purses his lips. I I found a dance school and I want to do that. Is that okay?

The way Jimin looked down waiting for an answer awake a lot of things Yoongi had forgotten.
For example, that Jimin was beautiful in everything he did, and that he had more love in his finger
than most people had in their entire body. When Jimin looks back up, his eyes swollen and
shining, Yoongi remembers how to speak.

Yes , yes, Oh God yes, Yoongi doesnt think twice before embracing him and placing small
kisses around his face. I am a hundred percent on board with you. Thats amazing, Jimin.

Theres a peaceful silence, one that needs no words for it to feel right. In this position, it felt a lot
more like home than any other place Yoongis been in.

Thank you for not leaving. Jimin says sincerely.

Yoongi smiles. Im glad I didnt.

--

In the fall, the two watched leaves turn shades of green to warm reds and oranges. It was the
season of leaf piles and new beginnings, scraping up the backyard in the morning and watering
plants, kissing Jimin more often before he left for dance. It was a good season, fall. The season of
change.

Needless to say, Yoongis boss doesnt talk to him for a couple days after hes a no show in
Japan, but hes the best producer they have so its hard to let him go. Eventually, they all get over
it and Yoongi goes back to him accustomed trash music.

It needs to sound more raw, He critiques, putting his earphones down frustratedly and making a
claw, dragging it down his chest for emphasis. You dont sound like youre in pain. Put a punch
to it, itll sound better.

Ive done this seven times already, cant we please just move on? The rapper in the live booth
complains, and Yoongi gives him a face through the glass before putting his headphones back on
and spinning his chair.

Settling for mediocre wont get people to buy your record, son. He hits delete on the keyboard.
From the third verse. Again. That bit where you tell your parents to fuck off, or something, I
dont know. That one."

Its two in the morning, and he wonders if Jimins had dinner yet. As much as he wanted to be
there more often, Yoongi had to try harder to earn cash and make up for the opportunity lost. Hes
barely been getting enough sleep, but when he climbs into bed at six in the morning, Jimin doesnt
seem too bothered.

Hes also been coming out of his shell more, Yoongi noticed, when he told him in the morning
about how he ran into Taehyung on the way home and they hung out a little bit. Hed also made
friends with the neighbors, who had a little girl and a dog Kumamon had also made friends with.

Fall was a good season, Yoongi decides, and hopes for some progress to go on in his life, too. Not
that he wasnt already happy Jimin was starting to bloom more, but his schedule was always
cramped and he hadnt seen his friends a lot since he and Jimin moved in together.

So when Hoseok calls, Yoongi isnt sure why. It was either because he wanted to hang out or
because somebody died, and by process of elimination, somebody had to be dead.

Whats up, man! Is Hoseoks default greeting, so Yoongis not sure if he was mourning or what.
Following the happy tone, Yoongi excuses himself from the studio for a minute and gestures for
Chanyeol to take charge.

Oh, hey dude, hold on for a sec. He balances the phone between his cheek and shoulder. I just
have to head out.

Did I catch you at a bad time?

No, no, its cool. He assures him, taking the phone back in his hand once he closes the door
behind him. Whats up?

Namjoon, Seokjin and I are going out for a drink later tonight at the usual and we were
wondering if master producer Min Yoongi wanted to come along.

Yoongi laughs at the proposal, and Hoseok whines in response. Come on man, we havent seen
you in forever. You and Jimin. We miss you guys.

Youre so gross. Yoongi jokes, making a face even though he knows Hoseok cant see it. But
I have to check with my sched--

Come ooon , Hoseok drags. Have a drink with your old high school pals. Its Friday night
anyway, and knowing you, I bet you havent had a break in, like, a month.

Two, actually Yoongi wants to say, but instead he just hums into the phone as Hoseok repeated
a continuous array of Pleeeeaaase s until he finally groans for him to stop.

Alright, alright, just shut up will you? He says in faux annoyance. Well be there.

And as Hoseok hung up with a quick goodbye, Yoongi stepped back in the studio and convinced
himself he needed this.

--

Im not too sure, Jimin says, folding laundry. He was surprised Yoongi was home early, and
even more surprised that he was asking him to come out. Im a little tired today.
Yoongi pouts, a rare scene, and Jimin stops just to look. Come on. Its the high school guys! We
cant blow off the high school guys.

They were always more of your high school guys than mine, Jimin chuckles. Im sure they
wont really notice if you dont bring me.

But I want to. He whined a bit more, rolling to his stomach on the bed. They said they miss
you.

Pining a shirt down with his chin, Jimin gives Yoongi a look of disbelief before the latter closes
his eyes and puffs his cheeks out. The shirt finds its way flying over Yoongis whole head.

Fine. Ill go. But were only staying for a while, right?

Yoongi removes the shirt from his face and gives Jimin an assuring nod, hopping up from bed to
kiss Jimins cheek. Thanks for the shirt! I was gonna wear it anyway.

--

The supposed usual place was nothing all that special. A pub in the quiet part of town, near the
high school they shared. It was where they all used to go during free days and knock back a drink
or two, because they didn't really care about serving minors then. Yoongi doesnt remember it
being a hotspot, their regular customers mostly being just them, but walking in, he realizes hes
gotten very very old.

If something happened, it was a miracle because the tiny quiet little pub he knew and loved was
now playing billboard top 20s on its speakers and serving a massive amount of people. Jimin had
to hold on to Yoongis hoodie while they tried to find the right table.

Sooner or later, they both catch sight of Namjoons back sitting in a booth, and they squish their
way there.

Hey! Yoongi screams over the music, and if they hollered back a greeting, Yoongi didnt quite
catch it.

They were smiling, though, and they all stood to give them both one shoulder hugs. The two
managed into the seat next to Hoseok, not as comfortable as they remember but still a tinge bit
nostalgic. They could hear things better when they all were seated.

How are the both of you? Seokjin asks, leaning forwards on the table while Namjoon called for
two more beers.

Hows married life treating you? Hoseok joins in, and Jimin looks down with a grin and flushes
pink, Yoongi lacing his arm around his shoulder and giving all of them a proud smirk.

Its good! The house is great!

I was a little hurt you didnt invite me to the housewarming party. Namjoon jokes, and Jimin
shakes his head.

There was none, He assures him. It was really just Yoongi and I trying to get the place
together, but he did a really good job.

Yoongi laughs, looking at Jimin glow as he talked. He was so damn lucky. There really was
nothing else in the world he would rather stare at.

You guys are so sweet its gross. Hoseok made a face looking at them, and Seokjin promptly
slapped his arm.

Shut up, Hobi, its cute! and Yoongi swears he sees Namjoon die a little on the inside.

Yoongi tells them a lot about the new house, and a little about rappers that couldnt rap and the all
the sick things hes had to work with, despite his legendary creations in beat and rhythm.

Jimin doesnt talk much the whole night and barely really drinks, surrendering after a couple sips
and giving Yoongi a helpless look, pushing him the bottle. Though, he does tell them that the
neighbors are nice and about the dog and how Yoongi hates it but secretly will go soft for it.

So what have you both been doing these days? Is the question that makes Yoongi pause. He
could easily tell them about how the same rapper has been coming every day for a week to re-do
almost anything close to good progress, but he worries more about how clueless he was when he
thought about what Jimin would answer.

He used to tell him everything when they were teenagers, like who double crossed him or what
grade the teachers gave him on the spelling test. Now, Jimins days were summarized in short
sentences, even a couple words, and then they left for work or go to sleep.

Yoongi didnt know what Jimins been doing lately, but Jimin didn't look like he wanted to
answer.

Jimins been dancing, Is the only thing he can offer, but they make circle shapes with their lips
and everyones faces light up with equal looks of interest.

Tell them, baby. Yoongi says proudly, before looking at Jimin and noticing he was actually
smiling pretty awkwardly. He remembers he mentioned he was tired and how he only wanted to
stay for a while, but its been more than an hour and Yoongi feels a little guilty.

Are you alright? He says in a whisper, and Jimin responds in a small nod.

He looks down for a short second then faces all of them and start to speak. Well, I go there every
day from eight to twelve, and--

Where do you train? Hoseok asks, seeming very engaged in the conversation. Jimin pauses to
look at him particularly.

You... know the studio in Nonhyeondong? 1Million?

Hoseok almost jumps out his seat, mouth turning into a massive grin that seems to overpower
Jimins suddenly. Yeah! Oh my God, I go there too! But only on the weekends.

Oh, thats cool, Seokjin adds. You can go together sometime!

Yeah, it would be great! Hoseok says excitedly, facing Jimins way. Id love to dance with
Jimin-ah sometimes.

Ah,

Yoongi looks over at Jimin when he doesnt complete his sentence to see that hed gone paler,
eyes a little more hooded than they were when they came in, and its not long before Jimin is
excusing himself to the restroom and pushing past everyone in his way.
Im sorry, guys, Yoongi clicks his tongue, grabbing his jacket. I guess its time to go, then.

Is he alright? Seokjin asks in concern, looking behind him to the restroom door. Yoongi nods,
but hes not so sure himself.

Yeah, he just mentioned a while ago that he was really tired. I shouldnt have brought him out I
think. Yoongi chuckles to lighten up the mood, and the all nod in understanding.

I hope hes okay, Namjoon says with a smile, and he catches Yoongis low high five. He gives
all the others a wave and a see you guys soon before making his way to the restroom to check on
his husband.

--

He finds Jimin pale as ice and bent over the sink, staring at his eyes in the mirror and trying to
breathe steadily. His lips were parted and he was inhaling and exhaling through them, oxygen
looking so insufficient when he was breathing it. Yoongi freezes and doesnt know what right
action needed to be done, only that he had to run over and help him stand before he fell on the
floor and hurt himself.

Wrapping Jimins arm behind his own neck and supporting the small of his back, Yoongi
managed to get Jimin off the sink and onto a closed toilet bowl. His eyes were unfocused, staring
at the bathroom tiles and if he hadnt drunk so little that night, Yoongi would have blamed it all on
the alcohol.

Jimin, Jimin, He tries to keep his heady steady by gently holding his cheeks. Tell me whats
wrong, baby.

Im tired, Yoongi, He says in a voice hoarse and low. Im tired and I want to go home.

Now?

Yes, please, Jimin nods politely, regaining a little bit of his composure. I want to go home
now.

Not asking for an explanation, he helps Jimin to his feet and out the door, passing through the
back of the pub and waddling to the sidewalk to hail a taxi.

The whole ride home, Jimin refused to lean against Yoongis shoulder and against the glass pane
instead, watching colors drift by on the highway, lights reflecting on his unfocused pupils, glassy
and dark and threatening to cry.

Yoongi only stares, helpless.

 The Growth
Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

You have a really bad cold, and youre staying in bed today. is the first thing Yoongi says when
he wakes up beside Jimin, who didnt really fight him at all on the matter. He looked a lot better
than he did the night before, obviously, and tells Yoongi it was the fatigue and the crowd.

However, it doesnt make Yoongi any less wary of leaving him home alone for work, but Jimin
pushes him out the door, smiling and telling him hell be sure to call if anything happened to him.
And being the trusting husband that Min Yoongi was, he believes him.

Are we going to keep doing this same track over and over? A deep voice on his headphones
bellow, and Yoongi rolls his eyes, highlighting the whole vocal part on the recording and hitting
delete.

Look, man, He explains via the microphone beside him. Do you want this done bad or do you
want this done right?

Theres an arrogant scoff. Of course I want to do it right--

Then do it right.

He hears a sigh, and decides not to fight the boy for now. Chanyeol chuckles from the seat next to
him, tweaking the knobs at the soundboard. Youre a little strict today, huh?

What are you talking about? He asks, making adjustments on bass. Im always like this.

Yoongi, Chanyeol smiles at him. Weve been on this one chorus for an hour. One chorus. One
hour.

Yoongi pauses and sighs. Im sorry if Im a little nit-picky, but I want this record to be done right
so itll--

--Sell and youll make a big name for yourself and move on to bigger and better things, buy a big
house, support a family, yadda yadda yadda. Chanyeol jokes, but Yoongis not laughing. Ive
heard the speech a million times before, but you kind of have a problem of living in the now.

Youre here to fix the wires, Chanyeol, not advise my life.

Chanyeol laughs. Yeah, yeah, I know, but seriously. This guy has been singing for a straight
hour and hes getting tired. Dont you think you should give him a break?

Whered you get that idea? Yoongi asks, clueless.

Yoongi, you know, He removes his headphones and looks Yoongi in the eye, the warm smile
on his lips rescuing him from Yoongis fist. You seem to only hear what you want to hear.

Yoongi has to pause to look him in the eyes, because shit, he was right. The boy had been
screaming continuously and he looked like he really wanted to sit down. Yoongi looks back at
him from the glass.

Take a break, kid. He whispers lowly into the microphone, and the musicians eyes lit up as he
puts his headphones on the stand and slowly makes his way out the booths door. Be back in
fifteen minutes.

After fifteen minutes, Chanyeol offers to take over for a while and render everything, and its only
three in the afternoon. Initially, Yoongi wants to say no and do his own work, but he remembers
Jimins sick at home and probably making his own soup so he rethinks the opportunity to leave
early and he takes it.

He waits the long line at Jimins favorite restaurant because he knows hed be whining the whole
day if he didnt get his favorite soup. Hed taken care of Jimin whenever he had a cold many times
before, and he knew how everything worked, so hes smiling as he receives the hot take out,
whistling as he walks on the sidewalk positive that hed make Jimins day by getting everything
right.

He stops for flowers, even. The red ones, because those were the flowers his sisters gave them
when they first moved in, and Jimin might have missed the pop it gave the living room.

Yoongis unusually smiling as he took the bus, and the driver might have thought he was the sick
one, but he feels undeniably romantic doing this for Jimin who deserved nothing less. Arriving at
home, he fixed the fringe of his hair before unlocking the door.

He hears sniffling and heavy breathing and he cant wait to see what lame movie is playing this
time, and to tease Jimin about how he caught him crying to a romance film in the middle of the
day.

But when he opens the door fully, the television is off.

Jimin was just crying .

He looks back quickly, head turning to the side as he aggressively wiped his tears with the sleeves
of his sweaters and faked a grin. Y-Yoongi! Youre Youre home early.

His face is swollen, a tell-tale sign that hes been crying a long time, and his skin was a weird
mixture of red and white, all the blood seemingly rushing up to his face. Yoongi feels a sense of
uselessness and panic, abandoning the flowers and soup on the table and immediately holding
Jimins face to wipe his tears.

Whats wrong? Oh God please tell me, He begs when Jimin does nothing but look down and
cough more small sobs out. Yoongi is reduced to helpless and confused, not knowing what to
offer other than soft, low pleading. Please tell me, please. Jimin, I love you, and I need to know
so I can help you.

Jimin stops and takes a final shaky inhale before he looks up, lips quivering.

Yoongi, there are so many things I havent told you.

--

Fuck him.

Fuck Min Yoongi.

And fuck Park Chanyeol, because although he had nothing to do with the situation at hand, he
was right without expecting to be. Right about a huge aspect of Min Yoongis life, right about
everything , because it was true.
He only heard what he wanted to hear, and see what he wanted to see, but maybe if he had just
taken a while to pause and stare at Jimin through the glass that divided them all this time, listen to
him past the teeth and the music and the flowers and leaves, maybe he would notice Jimin was
always tired, always at home, always crying, always, all this time , sick.

So fuck Min Yoongi and his inability to successfully care about the people he loved the most. If
there was anything he could pride himself for, it would be how much he loved Park Jimin above
anything else, but that was no longer valid because guilts teeth was gnawing at his chest, a
familiar feeling often paired along with failure, and it felt like a painful sting bound to consume
him whole.

Now Yoongi really, really wishes he could put on his headphones and escape to digital treble and
bass, let it flood out the crying and the guilt because he really, really didnt want to hear it.

But Jimin needs him to. He needs him to listen to everything he has shut out.

According to Jimin, it begun with blood in his mouth. He could be doing something simple, like
brushing his teeth, and then spit and have the sink splattered with blood, and while gum irritation
is more of a symptom for mere gingivitis than cancer, thats where Jimin swears it begun, and so
Yoongi doesnt interrupt.

And this was when this was when you were studying for the bar. Theyre sitting across each
other and Yoongi is mixing sugar in his coffee not exactly why he was doing what he was doing,
just thinking about how he had to do something.

Jimin looks a lot calmer, sitting poignantly on the chair and lacing his hands together. Yeah, He
confirms, So I thought it was just the stress, you know, cause the whole thing was really nerve
wrecking and terrible and all, so it had to be the stress.

But it wasnt,

No, Jimin confirms with a tiny shrug. No, it wasnt.

Oh God , Yoongi felt weak in every sense of the word, groaning into his palm and covering his
eyes. If he were crying, he didnt want to know. He didnt matter at the moment. What mattered
was that Jimin was sick for so long and was so quiet about it.

He feels a hand reaching out and taking hold of his fingers, thumb drawing lines and circles on
Yoongis skin. This was Jimins comfort mechanism, and it felt wrong because it was supposed to
be the other way around, but Yoongi doesnt know what to do. Yoongi didnt have a comfort
mechanism for this.

You could easily try and comfort somebody whose issues were smaller than your own. It was
unfortunate that Yoongi couldnt take all the burden Jimin had been carrying because in a perfect
world, it wouldnt be as hard.

His hand is wet, but he uses the back side to wipe his eyes. They felt stripped and they stung to
look at Jimin, who even at that moment offered a small smile, except it was the kind of smile that
good people made so they wouldnt cry and nobody would worry. God, Jimin just had to be such
a good person.

How.... long how long? How long have you known? Yoongi stutters, forgetting how to
speak but trying his damn best to make sense of it all. Jimins hand retracts from Yoongis and
back to his own.

A couple months.
A couple months ? He repeated, and Jimin nodded. Oh God, Jimin, is that why you dropped
out?

I had to, He says firmly, and though Yoongi believes him, he buries his face in his hands again,
rubbing on his skin. I had to stay at home more. I couldnt be tired. Law school is expensive,
Yoongi, and in the state Im in I really dont think it would be worth it to study so long and only--

Dont , Yoongi freezes. Dont fucking say it, Jimin.

--Make my state more malignant .

Yoongi sighs. Alright. Alright, I understand. Kind of. Fuck, What about dance, was that an
actual thing?

No, Jimin confesses. Ive been going to Taehyungs and weve finished nine seasons of Its
Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

Does he know?

No.

Okay, why didnt you tell me?

Jimin pauses longer. It was a harder question, but Yoongi has been waiting to ask. Hes watching
him hesitate through the cracks of his fingers, watching him look for the right words to say. Deep
inside he knows there are none, but Jimin could try.

Well, I told you now, didnt I?

No, Jimin, Yoongi looks up. Why did you feel like you had to lie?

He purses his lips, back leaning towards the chairs rest more. Please dont put it that way,
Yoongi. Please. He begs, view climbing towards the ceiling. I only kept it from you because I
knew you would do this.

Well what do you want me to do?!

Yoongi didnt mean to raise his voice. Anger wasnt what Jimin needed. Maybe Yoongi wasnt
what Jimin needed. What Jimin needed was love, and patience, and care. Thats what Yoongi had
to do. That was it.

He breathes, and settles back to the chair. He props his elbows on the table and softens his voice.
What do you want me to do, Jimin?

Jimins bottom lip quivered in doubt, eyes looking tired and defeated. They stared at Yoongi like
he didnt want this anymore, the screaming and the confrontation and the fight.

I dont know, He answered truthfully.

What Jimin, what do we do?

I I dont know.

--
Doctors dont explain it any better. Yoongi would take an awkward cup of coffee on the
breakfast table with Jimin trying to describe what a Lymphoma was over a doctor any day, but it
seemed like a good idea in the morning when Yoongi had zero sleep and was desperate to know a
little more about what he was missing.

And by know a little more, Yoongi didnt mean to learn from pink and yellow pamphlets that tried
to make cancer look like sugarland fun day.

You couldnt make cancer look pretty, no matter the headline or font or color, and these were
horrible infographics that used big medical jargon, and it all didnt piece together correctly in
Yoongis head. Jimin was a person, not a transparent black and white drawing of a diagram, red
color splashing over different organs and veins. Jimin was a person who didnt deserve this, and
so Yoongi doesnt expect the doctor to be surprised when he throws them back across the desk.

I dont want them, He states, and he sees Jimin grip the side of his chairs arm, a silent gesture
begging for Yoongi not to make a scene. I want to hear it from you. I want you tell me about
Jimin. Not the general majority, or estimated survival rates across the planet. Tell me about Jimin.
What does he have to do?

Well, The doctor says, looking slightly taken aback. She adjusts her glasses. Theres some
treatments patients with Jimins cancer go to for. Blood transfusions, bone marrow transplants,
chemotherapy--

And that costs how much? Yoongi gulps.

Theres a silence in the room. Jimin stares into space and ignores the looks the doctor is giving
him, while Yoongi looked all around the room confused as to why nobody wanted to speak up.
Did it cost that much?

The doctor coughs, once again adjusting her glasses and looking nervously at the desk. He He
didnt tell you?

Tell me what? Yoongi asks, and once again, silence is his one reply. He looks over at Jimin,
whos biting his lip now and has the hardest gaze possible held at his two feet. Yoongi repeats it
again, this time looking at Jimin in particular. Tell me what?

Jimin...Well, The doctor starts, once again taking matters into her own hands. Jimin is refusing
treatment.

Before Yoongi has the second to react, Jimin shoots up from his chair and grabs Yoongi by the
sleeve, muttering a small goodbye, thank you, to the doctor. He navigates past the depressing
line in the waiting room with one hand cupped over his mouth, hiding how hard he was gnawing
at his bottom lip, and Yoongi reluctantly being dragged hand first.

When they get to the elevator, Jimin pushes the button so hard it makes a noise, and returns his
hand to his mouth, looking down at the floor. He nervously taps his foot on the floor while
Yoongis staring at him, speechless.

And Yoongi knows Jimin doesnt want to talk about it, but they get in the elevator and he
removes his hand from his face and hes crying again, and the last of Yoongis patience bursts as
they go descend down twenty floors.

You shouldnt be crying like that, He says, gravelly texture scratching the back of his throat as
he grabbed Jimins hand harshly, and the latter sobs into his sleeve once. I said stop crying!

Jimin doesnt, and he doesnt give a reply, even when hes being dragged out the elevator by
Yoongi this time and being led to the bathroom where he drops Jimins wrist from his grip and
locks the door.

Yoongi stares at Jimin, his face turning red and his hitching breath suppressed by the sleeve of his
jacket.

Why would you do something so stupid? is the first thing he says, but not the first thing he
thinks. He thinks of profanity, of accusations, of insults, but even when he was beyond angry and
boiling over the top of his head, he knew Jimin didnt deserve it.

Jimin doesnt reply. Are you even trying to survive? Do you want to die? Holy fucking shit, Park
Jimin, I cant fucking believe youre gonna be this fucking selfish--

Stop,

--This fucking terrible to yourself by treating cancer like its the common fucking cold. Its not
going to leave in a week, Jimin, and were not the type of guys who get miracles--

Yoongi, stop.

Shut up ! Yoongi croaks, and its only when his voice cracks that he notices hes crying. His
fists were balled up so tight his nails made marks at his palms, and his whole body shook
uncontrollably with emotion he didnt understand, anger and confusion and grief and sadness, all
amalgamating in his chest and exploding like fireworks.

I cant believe you would fucking do something like this to someone like me, you fucking idiot. I
cant believe you would do this to me .

All the strength seethes out of Min Yoongi and it makes a sound when his back thuds against the
door, tears now plummeting in hot torrents down his skin and everything hurt. Jimin walks
towards him cautiously.

Yoongi leans into his touch when he reaches out, like an automatic reflex, and collapses into his
embrace with no words needed to be said. He cant help but feel it should be the other way
around, but he needed Jimin this way, and it couldnt be denied.

Ive seen cancer from the front seat, and I know what they do, and I dont.. Jimin speaks with a
voice close to a whisper. I dont want to be like my dad.

I dont want you to leave me.

And I wont. Jimin hushes him. You know I wont.

--

Yoongi still doesnt agree with what Jimin had decided on by the time winter comes around. He
wishes he could, but no matter how hard he tried, he just couldnt.

It was especially difficult on the nights when Jimin was in pain, desperate cries of aching as he
grabbed at his arms and legs, closing his eyes while he tried to recall how to breathe, and all it did
was make Yoongi feel so useless, because he couldnt understand what Jimin wanted, even more
how he felt.

It drove him crazy, how all he could do was lay there and listen to Jimin beg for relief, too afraid
to touch him or even move at all in fear it would hurt him even more. Sometimes, he hears Jimin
pray, hisses of ss and the click of ts said in whispers and low breaths, and Yoongi wants to
scream because he was sure if God could hear, he sure as hell wasnt doing shit.

By the time morning comes, those episodes dont exist. They stay in Yoongis memories, though,
but they dont show themselves when Jimin turns to him and smiles, morning face lovely as
always, as if nothing was wrong. And so, some mornings are okay.

What are you doing? Jimin asks, cracking an eye open slowly while Yoongi held the door back
with his foot and balanced the tray of soup, bread and juice.

Breakfast, He says simply, eventually succeeding in entering the room without anything
breaking and he smiles, because Jimin was giving him one of his half-awake grins and it was
beautiful.

The sleep Jimin lacked was starting to show around his eyes, and the food he didnt eat showed
themselves across the contour of his cheekbones. Why?

Because you need to eat, He replies, walking towards him and placing the tray carefully on the
table. Jimin slightly opens both eyes now and looks down at the tray, then up at Yoongi with a
wide, knowing grin.

You bought this.

The smile drops off Yoongis lips. Could you really tell?

Jimin laughs, albeit the kind that seemed like it hurt a little, and so he stops after a few seconds.
Did you atleast try ?

I did, yeah, Yoongi chuckled awkwardly, sitting on the sheets besides him. Tasted a little like
cat piss, though.

Id eat it anyway, Jimin offers, and they both knew it was true.

Regardless of how good breakfast was, Jimin is unable to stomach anymore after five spoonfuls.
He looks apologetic as he pushed the bowl away silently, just as Yoongi was enjoying watching
him eat. His eyes were low and shameful, and Yoongi already knew what it meant.

Sighing, he lifted the tray up from Jimins lap. Try to eat the bread at least?

When Jimin doesnt answer, he only turns back and returns the tray to the kitchen. He does the
dishes in silence, pouring the leftovers in the trash and disposal, along with Jimins other rejects
from the past few days.

Yoongi hasnt stopped working. He had to work at home more often, only coming to the studio
when it was urgent, but the workload still felt the same. He had so much more to pay off; the
mortgage, the student loans, the medicine. But it was never about him. It was about Jimin, and so
he could never find it in him to complain.

When he was out, he called Taehyung to come over, or Seokjin. They knew how to do things
better than he did, so he thought that sometimes, it would be better that way, but he still hurries
home as quick as he could manage.

If his life didnt revolve around Park Jimin then, it had to now. Jimin needed him, but nearly not as
much as he needed Jimin.

He hears the bedroom door open, and turns sharply to look at the door, afraid it could be an
emergency and he didnt know what to do. Jimin barely came out of bed, and when he did,
Yoongi was usually there to assist. There are a couple eerie seconds before he comes out, walking
slowly and leaning against the walls for support.

He carried himself around like a ghost, pajamas hanging loosely on his frame and expression both
blank and concentrated all at the same time. He had a quilt wrapped around his shoulders, His toes
curled every time he took a step, probably from the cold on the ground.

Yoongi stops the sink and walks over to support Jimin, but he lifts his palm up, refusing it.

I can manage, He tells him, and Yoongi doesnt want to put down Jimins pride. It was the only
thing up and running, after all.

When Jimin makes his way to the couch, Yoongi releases the air he was holding in and returns to
doing the dishes. The waters cold against his hands, and he looks out the window in curiousity,
trying to peek at the backyard past the blurry moistness on the glass. It had been cold for days, but
it wasnt quite snowing.

A vague white fleck falls against the window pane and onto the flower bed outside, and Yoongi
smiles finding the view a little comforting. Hed always associated the winter with comfort, warm
memories being created around this time, most of them with Jimin.

Its starting to snow, He mentions loud enough for Jimin to hear from the living room, and
theres no response, but Yoongi isnt surprised. For Jimin to holler something back would take too
much strength, and so it was expected that the house would be silent, except for the rare moments
when Jimin would put music on, or Kumamon would start barking at nothing again.

Yoongi thinks thats the case when high pitched barking echoed around the house, the same
sound that kept him up all night on some occasions, until he realizes he only barked when he was
left alone. There was an odd feeling dancing at the bottom of Yoongis abdomen and he turns the
sink off because he just had to check, just in case.

His feet nearly tiptoe to the living room and when he catches sight of the couch, he doesnt see
Jimin sitting there, petting the dog and watching cheesy television shows. Instead, he finds the
back door wide open with Kumamon barking madly at something outside.

Jimin ! Jimin what are you--

And there he was, kneeling at the end of the garden in his loose pajamas, quilt placed around his
shoulders, visibly shaking. Yoongi ran for the closest cloth, which was a blanket by the sofa, and
ran outside immediately, not even bothering to put shoes on. In one move, he drops down to the
white grass, snow hitting his knees as he blanketed Jimins small frame and wrapped his arms
around him for warmth.

Jimins fingers quivered in the cold, but they still reached out to brush snow away from the barely
developed leaves and from the mound that covered its roots. When his work was done, he
collapsed into Yoongis body with a sigh that blew white mist into the air.

Im sorry, Jimin said softly, as if already knowing what Yoongi was going to say. I just wanted
to prove I could still do something on my own.

His eyes were peacefully closed, breath steady albeit slow. Yoongi tried to help him stand, but he
resisted. You dont have to prove anything, I like taking care of you. Please, baby, lets go back
inside--

No, I meant, Jimin raises his voice a little higher. To me. I wanted to prove something to me.
I wanted to prove something to me .

Yoongi stops because hes never heard Jimin sound so defeated, all emotion stripped from his
voice until all that remained was a monotone expression of loss and acceptance. This was Jimin
putting his white flag up, this was him on his knees, this was Park Jimin defeated . No other sight
has ever hurt Yoongi more, especially because there was nothing he could say to keep Jimin
fighting. He was done. Hed put his gloves up, raised his hands, and surrendered.

He leans closer to Yoongis chest, laying his head there as if he were sleeping on a pillow. I just
wanted to know I could keep something alive. Anything .

Jimin, tell me whats wrong, baby--

Whats wrong is that Im dying , Yoongi, He says, his voice hoarse and his eyebrows knitted,
and Yoongi cringes because its the first time Jimin had actually said something like that. Hed
been hoping he would put it off and never bring it up.

Im dying, and I know were all going to die, all going to turn to dust, all gonna face the sun
when it swallows the earth whole, face God while we walk backwards into hell, and all the stupid
shit we used to say in high school but God dammit, Yoongi, just because Im ready to die doesnt
mean I want to.

Theres a scream locked somewhere at the bottom of Yoongis esophagus, piling up like bile and
ready to spew, but after a while, holding Jimin like this with no tears or denial in sight, it boils
back down to his stomach. Hed given up fighting. Jimin didnt want to fight, and neither did
Yoongi, so he just sat there, holding him in hopes he could move heaven and hell just to keep him
there, and just like that, he gives up.

What do you want, Jimin?

Im tired, Yoongi. He confesses. Im tired, and I want to go home.

Me too, He moves Jimins bangs away to kiss his forehead, softly and sincerely, and its only
then Jimin allows him to lift them both up and help him past the back door, back to safety, back to
warmth, back to shelter for the both of them.

--

This is the world from Park Jimins eyes.

Jimin isnt born crying, he is born smiling like he always would when he would wake. Thats
what his mother would always remind him of when he was sad, and his childhood was one of
lollipops and reds and blues and greens, the color palette of late night television static and the
reflection of light from the world around him. Jimins spectrum consists of selflessness and trust,
of friendship and heartbreak, but he really doesnt know color until he meets Min Yoongi.

Min Yoongi was probably the only person youd meet that was so good at being bad, you
couldnt tell whether he was raging or reaching. Jimin knows, because Jimin knows Min Yoongi,
and he would say he was a little bit of both. Yoongi doesnt even try to pretend Jimin was wrong.

It was the same case for Yoongi, but tweaked a little differently because while his childhood was
reds and blues and greens too, all he saw was red, red, and red and it isnt until he meets Jimin
when he realizes red could be a good thing, and if feelings were colors, Park Jimin would be red
from head to toe.

His mother often told him that he was born into the world smiling, but she doesnt tell him that he
was also born with his eyes closed and his little feet kicking, so when Yoongi looked at him and
told him he wanted forever that night, he thinks thats the time his eyes are wide open, his feet at
rest knowing theyve run far enough and have already reached home.

Yoongi felt like that. Words didnt come by easy for him, true, because emotion didnt either, but
that was why he had music and that was why hed always liked it more than talking. Jimin could
feel him with his hands around his waist, swaying softly to an old record in their shabby old
house, and hes telling him hes right where he wants to be. Yoongi had always said more words
when he was silent.

His apologies come in the form of hands around Jimins shoulders, his gratefulness comes
packaged in sweet, puckered lips and his I love yous came in the form of his blood and sweat
and tears. Jimin understood that Yoongi only felt like he was capable of love if he was capable of
giving everything he had for it. Thats how he learned, and so thats how he practiced. Jimin never
snapped when he didnt come home when he said he would, or when he knew Yoongi was at the
studio.

But things get harder after diagnosis. The first thought in his head wasnt his demise, it was the
bills to pay. He drops out of law school. Above all, though, it was Yoongi and he had tried so
hard not to cry about Japan, and he tried so hard to tell Yoongi when he came back home to him,
but with all the sacrifices hes made, Jimin isnt capable of doing anything but hiding the truth.

He thinks hes doing him a favor. He thinks that, if God was going to rip the future away from
Park Jimin, Min Yoongi didnt deserve to have his pulled away too. He didnt think anything
would be all that different, but when his body begins to betray him, his life began to consist of so
many different things.

It was trying to keep his plants alive, it was trying to take care of everything he knew he still had,
it was cutting off people like Taehyung who hes lived with for so many years in fear of change, It
was losing strength every hour, it was crying in bathroom stalls and whenever he was alone
because he doesnt want to be alone, but he had to be.

And the worst part is he feels like hes doing Yoongi a favor until theyre both locked in a hospital
bathroom and for the first time in a long time, Yoongi is crying in-front of him, and he was angry,
but it all translated to the truth; Min Yoongi didnt want to be alone either.

Jimin is also telling the truth when he says he doesnt want to be treated, even though he knows
Yoongi wants him to live a hundred years and if he could, he would, but it just wasnt worth
being what his father was. He admits to himself that he is a coward, yes, and he did want to
survive, but he didnt want to hurt ten times more in the process. He understands thats its a
period of pain before a lifetime of normality, but Jimins body is weak, and frail, and it cant take
it, and he knows it. He wished it could, but even then hed still feel like he would be doing Min
Yoongi a great injustice. Even though its what he wants, Jimin knows its near impossible for
Yoongi to take, too, and so he makes his choices and waits, knowing one day, Yoongi will realize
Jimin loved him regardless of everything hes done.

And in the snow that morning, with Yoongi holding him like it was the last time, both of them
shivering in the cold, emotions bare and naked and genuine, Jimin sees it.

Forgiveness .

--

Jimin leaves in the early stages of spring.

Yoongi isnt even home then, and the image of Jimin dying surrounded by nobody keeps him up
for a couple of nights. He dreams of Jimin reaching for him, telling him he loves him and kisses
him. Waking up is a pain in the ass, and after all the anger, Yoongi feels the sheets beside him just
to make sure Jimin really is gone.

And just because the sheets are empty a hundred percent of the time doesnt mean Yoongi will
stop checking.

Theres a time gap between the ceremony and the present that lasts a week but feels like forever,
and so hes surprised when he has to get up when theres a doorbell at the door.

Hi, Taehyung looks awkwardly at Yoongis state, and the latter doesnt even try to
apologize.Theres a man of the same height standing beside him that Yoongis never seen before,
but hes holding a shopping bag and an awkward smile.

This is Jungkook, uh, Taehyung gestures to him. Hes my boyfriend, and we just wanted to
see how you were doing.

When Yoongi nods and turns around, they invite themselves in and Taehyung doesnt say
anything because he knows Yoongis heard it before, but he pets the dog and looks around the
place.

I dont quite know what youre feeling, He starts off, taking his coat off and laying it on the
couch. But Jimin was my best friend too, and Im sure hed want me to check if you were okay.
He loved you a lot.

Yoongi knows, but its still nice to hear. Thanks, He says, and means it as he sat down on the
couch, leaving space for the two.

You know, he never stopped talking about you in high school, Taehyung laughs softly in
reminisce. He never thought he had a chance. You were so different.

Yeah, Yoongi looked down, cracking a small smile of his own. He always said so.

Theres nothing else to say, but theres nothing that needs to be said. They both just sit in silence,
until Jungkook, who had been looking around the room awkwardly, begins to speak.

Uh, Im sure wherever he is--

Taehyung looks like he wants to slap him for starting off so cliche, but Yoongi surprisingly
doesnt feel the anger. He, instead, looks at him and smiles.

Hes home.

Jungkooks eyebrows raise. Huh?

Wherever he is, I mean, Yoongi explains. Hes home.

Taehyung looks relieved, and they talk a little more about what Yoongi plans to do with the place.
He tells them he was keeping the house, and then getting his life to go on after a month, because
he knows thats what Jimin would have wanted. Taehyung then asks to see the backyard, and
Yoongis a little wary because he hasnt looked at the backyard in so long, but he agrees anyway.

The spring air is ticklish under Yoongis nose, and its not too warm or too hot. Jimins flowerbed,
although unkempt, rose to praise the sky above them and they still looked great, even when
Yoongi had forgotten to water them in so long. He wonders how, but not too hard. He didnt
 understand flowers, that was Jimins thing. But he did know that whatever Jimin had done, it had
made the backyard a little brighter.

The tree, is what Taehyung first says, smiling. Yoongi is confused until he looks out with him
and sees it had grown another many inches from when he saw it last, and he smiles. Its
actually Damn, its actually growing.

I didnt even notice its been so long, Yoongi laughs, and walks near it. The leaves were still
limited, but what mattered was that it was growing, and it might have been as tall as Yoongis
knee. Jimin was right. When he planted it, it was the size of my thumb. I thought it would
never

Yeah, well, Taehyung gives him a pleasant shrug. I guess thats just how life is.

A wind blows past, and the tree quivers, but it doesnt fall. It stands in its glory, thin and bare but
making it, living well, and Yoongi feels it.

Forgiveness .

Chapter End Notes

happy almost-anniversary to my parents. thanks to my mom for birthing me, and to

my dad for staying even when she got sick. they've been through tons and i hope they
stay together for a hundred years, hehe.

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