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ONE
MynameisMila,andthisismyjourney.
TherearesomanyplaceswhereIcouldbeginthestory.IcouldstartinthetownwhereIgrewup,inKryvicy,onthebanksoftheServacRiver,inthedistrictofMiadziel.Icouldbegin
whenIwaseightyearsold,onthedaymymotherdied,orwhenIwastwelve,andmyfatherfellbeneaththewheelsoftheneighborstruck.ButIthinkIshouldbeginmystoryhere,inthe
Mexicandesert,sofarfrommyhomeinBelarus.ThisiswhereIlostmyinnocence.Thisiswheremydreamsdied.
ItisaNovemberdaywithoutclouds,andlargeblackbirdssoarinaskythatisbluerthanIhaveeverseen.Iamsittinginawhitevandrivenbytwomenwhodonotknowmyreal
name,nordotheyseemtocare.TheyjustlaughandcallmeRedSonja,thenametheyhaveusedsincetheysawmestepofftheplaneinMexicoCity.Anjasaysitsbecauseofmyhair. Red
SonjaisthenameofamoviewhichIhaveneverseen,butAnjahasseenit.Shewhisperstomethatitsaboutabeautifulwarriorwomanwhocutsdownherenemieswithasword.NowI
thinkthemenaremockingmewiththisnamebecauseIamnotbeautifulIamnotawarrior.Iamonlyseventeen,andIamscaredbecauseIdonotknowwhathappensnext.
Weareholdinghands,Anjaandme,asthevancarriesus,andfiveothergirls,throughabarrenlandofdesertandscrubbrush.TheMexicanPackageTouriswhatthewomanin
Minskpromisedus,butweknewwhatitreallymeant:anescape.Achance.YoutakeaplanetoMexicoCity,shetoldus,andtherewillbepeopletomeetyouattheairport,tohelpyou
acrossthebordertoanewlife.Whatgoodisyourlifehere?shetoldus.Therearenogoodjobsforgirls,noapartments,nodecentmen.Youhavenoparentstosupportyou.Andyou,
MilayouspeakEnglishsowell,shetoldme.InAmerica,youwillfitin,justlikethat.Shesnappedherfingers.Bebrave!Takeachance.Theemployerswillpayyourway,sowhatare
youbothwaitingfor?
Notforthis,Ithink,asendlessdesertrollspastourwindows.AsAnjahuddlescloseagainstme,allthegirlsonthevanarequiet.Weareallbeginningtowonderthesamething.What
haveIdone?
Allmorning,wehavebeendriving.Thetwomeninthefrontsaynothingtous,butthemanonthepassengersidekeepsturningtogiveuslooks.HiseyesalwaysseekoutAnja,andI
donotlikethewayhestaresather.Shedoesntnoticeitbecausesheisdozingagainstmyshoulder.Themouse,wealwayscalledherinschool,becausesheissoshy.Oneglancefroma
boywillmakeherblush.Wearethesameage,butwhenIlookatAnjassleepingface,Iseeachild.AndIthink:Ishouldnothavelethercomewithme.Ishouldhavetoldhertostayin
Kryvicy.
Atlastourvanleavesthehighwayandbumpsontoadirtroad.Theothergirlsstirawakeandstareoutthewindowsatbrownhills,wherebouldersliescatteredlikeoldbones.Inmy
hometown,thefirstsnowhasalreadyfallen,buthere,inthiswinterlessland,thereisonlydustandblueskyandparchedshrubs.Werolltoastop,andthetwomenlookbackatus.
ThedriversaysinRussian:Itstimetogetoutandwalk.Itstheonlywayacrosstheborder.
Theyslideopenthedoorandweclimboutonebyone,sevengirls,blinkingandstretchingafterthelongride.Despitethebrilliantsunshine,itischillyhere,farcoolerthanIexpected.
Anjaslipsherhandintomine,andsheisshivering.
Thisway,thedriverorders,andheleadsusoffthedirtroad,ontoatrailthattakesusupintothehills.Weclimbpastbouldersandthornybushesthatclawatourlegs.Anjawears
opentoedshoesandshehastopauseoften,toshakeoutthesharpstones.Weareallthirsty,butthemenallowustostoponlyoncetodrinkwater.Thenwekeepmoving,scramblingup
thegravellypathlikeungainlygoats.Wereachthecrestandstartslidingdownward,towardaclumpoftrees.Onlywhenwereachthebottomdoweseethereisadryriverbed.Scattered
onthebankarethediscardsofthosewhohavecrossedbeforeus:plasticwaterbottlesandasoileddiaperandanoldshoe,thevinylcrackedfromthesunlight.Aremnantofbluetarp
fluttersfromabranch.Thiswayhavesomanydreamerscome,andwearesevenmore,followingintheirfootstepstoAmerica.Suddenlymyfearsevaporate,becausehere,inthisdebris,is
theevidenceweareclose.
Themenwaveusforward,andwestartclimbinguptheoppositebank.
Anjatugsonmyhand.Mila,Icantwalkanymore,shewhispers.
Youhaveto.
Butmyfootisbleeding.
Ilookdownatherbruisedtoes,atthebloodoozingfromtenderskin,andIcallouttothemen:Myfriendhascutherfoot!
Thedriversays,Idontcare.Keepwalking.
Wecantgoon.Sheneedsabandage.
Eitheryoukeepwalkingorwelljustleaveyoutwobehind.
Atleastgivehertimetochangehershoes!
Themanturns.Inthatinstant,hehastransformed.ThelookonhisfacemakesAnjashrinkbackward.Theothergirlsstandfrozenandwideeyed,likescaredsheephuddlingtogether
ashestalkstowardme.

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The blow is so swift I do not see it coming. All at once, I am on my knees, and for a few seconds, everything is dark. Anjas screams seem far away. Then I register the pain, the
throbbinginmyjaw.Itasteblood.Iseeitdripinbrightspattersontheriverstones.
Getup.Comeon,getup!Wevewastedenoughtime.
Istaggertomyfeet.Anjaisstaringatmewithstrickeneyes.Mila,justbegood!shewhispers.Wehavetodowhattheytellus!Myfeetdonthurtanymore,really.Icanwalk.
Yougetthepicturenow?themansaystome.Heturnsandglaresattheothergirls.Youseewhathappensifyoupissmeoff?Ifyoutalkback?Nowwalk!
Suddenlythegirlsarescramblingacrosstheriverbed.Anjagrabsmyhandandpullsmealong.Iamtoodazedtoresist,soIstumbleafterher,swallowingblood,scarcelyseeingthe
trailaheadofme.
Itisonlyashortdistancefarther.Weclimbuptheoppositebank,windourwaythroughastandoftrees,andsuddenlywearestandingonadirtroad.
Twovansareparkedthere,waitingforus.
Standinaline,ourdriversays.Comeon,hurryup.Theywanttotakealookatyou.
Thoughbefuddledbythiscommand,weformaline,seventiredgirlswithachingfeetanddustyclothes.
FourmenclimboutofthevansandtheygreetourdriverinEnglish.TheyareAmericans.Aheavysetmanwalksslowlyuptherow,eyeingus.Hewearsabaseballcapandhelookslike
asunburnedfarmerinspectinghiscows.Hestopsinfrontofmeandfrownsatmyface.Whathappenedtothisone?
Oh,shetalkedback,saysourdriver.Itsjustabruise.
Shestooscrawny,anyway.Whodwanther?
DoesheknowIcanunderstandEnglish?Doesheevencare?Imaybescrawny,Ithink,butyouhaveapigface.
Hisgazehasalreadymovedon,totheothergirls.Okay,hesays,andhebreaksoutinagrin.Letsseewhattheyvegot.
Ourdriverlooksatus.Takeoffyourclothes,heordersinRussian.
Westarebackinshock.Untilthismoment,IhaveheldontoawispofhopethatthewomaninMinsktoldusthetruth,thatshehasarrangedjobsforusinAmerica.ThatAnjawill
babysitthreelittlegirls,thatIwillselldressesinaweddingshop.Evenafterthedrivertookourpassports,evenaswedstumbledalongthattrail,Ihadthought:Itcanstillturnoutallright.
Itcanstillbetrue.
Noneofusmoves.Westilldontbelievewhathehasaskedustodo.
Doyouhearme?ourdriversays.Doyouallwanttolooklikeher?Hepointstomyswollenface,whichstillthrobsfromtheblow.Doit.
Oneofthegirlsshakesherheadandbeginstocry.Thisenrageshim.Hisslapmakesherheadwhiparoundandshestaggerssideways.Hehaulsherupbythearm,grabsherblouse,
andripsitopen.Screaming,shetriestopushhimaway.Thesecondblowsendshersprawling.Forgoodmeasure,hewalksoverandgivesheraviciouskickintheribs.
Now,hesays,turningtolookattherestofus.Whowantstobenext?
Oneofthegirlsquicklyfumblesatthebuttonsofherblouse.Nowweareallcomplying,peelingoffshirts,unzippingskirtsandpants.EvenAnja,shylittleAnja,isobedientlypullingoff
hertop.
Everything,ourdriverorders.Takeitalloff.Whyareyoubitchessoslow?Youlllearntobequickaboutit,soonenough.Hemovestoagirlwhostandswithherarmscrossedover
herbreasts.Shehasnotremovedherunderwear.Hegrabsthewaistbandandsheflinchesashetearsitaway.
ThefourAmericansbegintocircleuslikewolves,theirgazesrovingacrossourbodies.AnjaisshakingsohardIcanhearherteethchatter.
Illgivethisoneatestdrive.Oneofthegirlsuttersasobassheisdraggedfromtheline.Themandoesnotevenbothertohidetheassault.Heshovesthegirlsfaceagainstoneof
thevans,unzipshispants,andthrustshimselfintoher.Sheshrieks.
Theothermenmoveinandmaketheirchoices.SuddenlyAnjaiswrenchedawayfromme.Itrytoholdontoher,butthedrivertwistsmyhandfromhers.
Noonewantsyou,hesays.Heshovesmeintothevanandlocksmeinside.
Throughthewindow,Iseeitall,hearitall.Themenslaughter,thegirlsstruggles,theircries.IcannotbeartowatchneithercanIturnaway.
Mila!Anjascreams.Mila,helpme!
Ipoundonthelockeddoor,desperatetoreachher.Themanhasshovedhertothegroundandforcedapartherthighs.Shelieswithherwristspinnedtothedirt,hereyesclosedtight
againstthepain.Iamscreaming,too,myfistsbatteringthewindow,butIcannotbreakthrough.
Whenthemanfinisheswithher,heisstreakedwithherblood.Hezipsuphispantsanddeclaresloudly:Nice.Verynice.
IstareatAnja.AtfirstIthinkthatshemustbedead,becauseshedoesnotmove.Themandoesntevenglancebackather,butreachesintoabackpackforawaterbottle.Hetakesa
longdrink.HedoesnotseeAnjacomebacktolife.
Suddenlysherisestoherfeet.Shebeginstorun.
Asshefleesintothedesert,Ipressmyhandsagainstthewindow.Hurry,Anja!Go.Go!
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Hey!oneofthemenyells.Thatonesrunning.
Anjaisstillfleeing.Sheisbarefoot,naked,andsharprocksaresurelycuttingintoherfeet.Buttheopendesertliesahead,andshedoesnotfalter.
Dontlookback.Keeprunning!Keep
Thegunshotfreezesmyblood.
Anjapitchesforwardandsprawlstotheground.Butsheisnotyetconquered.Shestrugglesbacktoherfeet,staggersafewstepslikeadrunkenwoman,thenfallstoherknees.Sheis
crawlingnow,everyinchafight,atriumph.Shereachesout,asthoughtograbahelpinghandthatnoneofuscansee.
Asecondgunshotringsout.
Thistime,whenAnjafalls,shedoesnotriseagain.
Thevandrivertuckstheguninhisbeltandlooksatthegirls.Theyareallcrying,huggingthemselvesastheystareacrossthedeserttowardAnjasbody.
Thatsawaste,saysthemanwhorapedher.
Toomuchtroubletorunthemdown,thedriversays.Youstillhavesixtochoosefrom.
Theyhavetriedoutthemerchandisenowthemenbegintobarter.Whentheyhavefinished,theydivideusuplikelivestock.Threegirlsineachvan.Idonothearhowmuchtheypay
forusIonlyknowthatIamthebargain,theonethrowninaspartofanotherdeal.
Aswedriveaway,IlookbacktowardAnjasbody.Theyhavenotbotheredtoburyhersheliesexposedtothesunandwind,andalreadyhungrybirdsarecirclinginthesky.Inafew
weeks,therewillbenothingleftofher.Shewillvanish,justasIamabouttovanish,intoalandwherenooneknowsmyname.IntoAmerica.
Weturnontoahighway.Iseeasign:US94.

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