WRITING IMPROVEMENT EXERCISE 4.

1: Delete the incorrect sentence and replace with

a correct sentence OR put the correct sentence immediately below the incorrect sentence.

Using Familiar/Short Words (pages 67-68)

Instructions: Revise these sentences for easy communication to any audience.
1. We must endeavor to correct this problem by expediting delivery.
We will correct this problem by speeding up delivery
2. It is imperative that consumers be unrestrained in determining their preferences.
It is important that consumers are free to make their own choices.
3. Mr. Sanchez terminated Kevins employment as a consequence of his ineffectual
performance.
Mr. Sanchez fired Kevin because of bad performance.

Selecting Concrete Words (pages 68-69)

Instructions: Revise these sentences using concrete words. You can make up any details
needed!

4. We have found that young men are best for this work.
We have found that men, no comma between the ages 18-35, no comma are best for
construction work.
5. If we dont receive the goods soon, we will cancel.
XIf we dont receive the shoes soon before February 25 (soon is unclear; it needed
replaced with a specific date), we will cancel the order.
6. Some years ago, she made good money.
Three years ago, she made $90,000 a year.

Use Active Voice (pages 69-71)

Instructions: Convert these passive voice sentences to active voice.

7. It is believed by the typical employee that his or her benefits are considered to be
unnecessary by management.
The typical employee believes management considers his or her benefits are unnecessary.
8. The Marketing Association was represented by Ann Buskirk.
Ann Buskirk represented the Marketing Association.
9. These reports are prepared by the salespeople every Friday.
Every Friday, the salespeople prepared the reports.

Avoiding Camouflaged Verbs (page 72)

Instructions: Rewrite these sentences eliminating awkward construction.

10. It was my duty to make a determination of the damages.

I determine the damages.
11. Harold made a recommendation that we fire Mr. Schultz.
Harold recommended Mr. Schultz be fired.
12. We will ask him to bring about a change in his work routine.
We will ask him to change his work routine.
Selecting Precise Words (pages 72-73)
Instructions: Delete the incorrect word leaving the correct word in the sentence.

13. The merchandise is (preowned).

14. Her job performance was (superior).

Using Proper Idioms (page 73)

Instructions: These sentences use faculty idioms. Make any changes you think are necessary.

15. The purchasing officer has gone in search for a substitute product.
The purchasing officer is searching for a substitute product.
16. This strike was different than the one in 2000.
This strike was different from the one in 2000.
17. This letter is equally as bad.
This letter is equally bad.

Avoid Discriminatory Language (pages 73-76)

Instructions: Change these sentences to avoid discriminatory language.

18. Any congressman who ignores this rule will have his salary reduced.
Any member of congress who ignores this will have his or her salary (missing word)
reduced.
19. A good policeman plans his daily activities.
A good police officer plans his or her daily activities.
20. The committee consisted of a businessman, a male nurse, and a lady lawyer.
The committee consisted of a businessperson, a nurse, and a lawyer.