Dowry an Evil, Crime or

Tradition?
Dowry is one extreme; due to which we observe every day
stories; where old man depletes all his resources that shall
help him live comfortable last days of his life, in favor of his
beloved young daughter.
DISMAL Performance of Public Sector Enterprises
Saturday, October 01, 2011

Tradition of making payments at time of wedding is older than any written records. Although in
some societies and cultures, there exist rules related to Bride Price. Bride Price is contrasted with
dowry; it is amount of money paid to bride or her family at time of marriage. Where dowry is
money or assets that bride brings with her. Another arrangement termed as dower has several
alterations in different cultures; but popularly it is amount of money paid from husband's property
or by state in case female is widowed.

Anciently, dowry has been considered as more respectable arrangement than bride price. It differs
in cultures, but both traditions bride price and dowry may exist in some. Reason dowry was
considered more respectful was that; bride price used to be calculated as slave girl's market
price. Or as compensation of total labor hours that she could contribute to her parent family.

Whereas dowry was considered to be a gift given by wealthy family of women; but with time it
escalated such that higher the amount of dowry, more respectable wedding arrangement would be
considered. It could also be considered that it is to snub barbaric nature of male by providing even
more food to his barbarism. It is commonly believed that higher amount of dowry may ensure that
husband or his family will not ill treat the bride. In social war of keeping high esteem, standard
expectations of dowry have increased many folds.

In Pakistani society; except few areas in North, ancient tradition of dowry is practiced and it is well
known to majority of educated class. That it is aged tradition; that may have more implications
than benefits. But there exists very few to have courage to challenge this tradition. I am trying to
point few most common window dressed arguments that fall in favor of dowry.
- Young men cannot afford to settle with their new family
- To have peaceful life for bride, it is important to buy her house
- Everyone does this, and our daughter shall have more dowry than anyone else did
- It presents how much we love our daughter
- It compensates, less share that females get in parent's property inheritance
- Socially desire act cannot be stopped; what will other say about it?

If all above arguments are right, then how come few societies have practiced bride price instead
of dowry?

It may be considered as simple principle of supply & demand of both genders. Where exists more
men; and less wealthy women; societies may practice bride price. Here men shall pay price as
gift/ compensation to bride's family to get married. Whereas societies having more women and
less wealthy men; to make lucky match. Dowry is practiced. But we cannot control gender balance
in society; how can we judge what is better for society? Dowry or Dower?

Where is the balance?

Majority of the poor class families still think in this cruel way that "If I don't kill her today;
tomorrow she will kill me financially or someone else will burn her for the sake of dowry," this is
the reason; why millions of women are put to death; even today, especially in Indian society.

Dowry is one extreme; due to which we observe every day stories; where old man depletes all his
resources that shall help him live comfortable last days of his life, in favor of his beloved young
daughter.
We very happily consider gift to bride (Haq Mehar) as
optional or extra; where dowry is accepted as mandatory
practice. For Mehar applies no financial formulas, no inflation
adjusters. But for all our routine life we do.
This is why time is back; when daughter is born; and her father start calculating heavy financially
burden that lies over his shoulders. It is not only with lower socio-economic class. Our educated
class too is not educated. Our religion advocates, birth of female child as blessing. And fathers will
be rewarded heavens for bringing up female child without discrimination. But we consider them as
obligation and punishment from God.

Muslim fathers shall not be burdened with dowry, instead young men shall give women their
obligatory gift (Haq Mehar) ; happily as presentation of their promised love. Nikah is considered to
be simple ceremony, with few close invites and witnesses. And party thrown by groom (Waleema)
is grand feast in celebration of wedding. Though, increased amount of financial burden over groom
(dower /gift to bride) can cost several problems for societies too. This is why it is recommended in
Islamic Religion The best of the marriages is one which is least burdensome in the financial sense
to the families of the bride and the groom"

Alas! Such nice principles we have forgotten in place of outdated traditions that we have borrowed
from societies we have lived with. I am ashamed to state that; in depth of our heart, today
daughters are considered as burden & curse.

We very happily consider gift to bride (Haq Mehar) as optional or extra; where dowry is accepted
as mandatory practice. For Mehar applies no financial formulas, no inflation adjusters. But for all
our routine life we do. Please think, where we are leading our society? Today again evil of dowry
compels us to feel happy to have son, and sorrow to have daughter. Allah's appreciated practice of
Nikah is becoming challenging task for families; due to which arise many unacceptable problems
that is polluting our society.

For Feedback:
ayeshakashif2@gmail.com
Prof Ayesha Kashif