THE BEST OF

THE

JULY 2017
Th e Best of t h e Dai l y Dou bl e
Vol u m e 48A, Ju l y 2017

Wr iter s: Editor s:
Walker ?Woctor ? Adam s Walker ?Inhum an? Ander son VII
Rachel ?Lit? Alper t-W isnia Adr ianna ?Bad Egg? Br ow n
Kier a ?Shakir a? Akus Ben ?Bee Boy? Boyd
Raluca ?Squir r el Victim ? Ar nautu Jake ?The Snake? Goldber g
Gr iffin ?Young Gr iff ? Atw ood RJ ?Locked Out of Foster Hall? M or r ison
Hazel ?Rainbow ? Bar zilay Laur en ?Por k? Pollock
Anthony ?Riff Pickle? Bor r elli M addie ?That Gir l? Vanech
Ram sey ?Gir affe? Br eslau M ichael ?Wum bo? Watson
Lily ?Uber A? Br inkm an
Car oline ?Hufflepuff ? Cole Cover Ar t:
Casey ?M ookie? Cor cor an Nina Kahn
Benjam in ?Thr eat Level M idnight? Dennison Photojour nalism Class
Fr eya ?Fr ey Fr ey? Deyo
Stephen ?Fitzie? Fitzpatr ick
Special Thanks:
Ben ?Nico D?Angelo? Fogler
Aar on Gelb
Geffr ey ?Sneezy? Fr iedm an
Roxanne Aur ism a
Roxanne ?M r s. M ojo? Glassenber g
Desi
Gr ace ?Lt. Kaffee? Gor don
Pr intsm ith Needham
M ia ?Bat Victim ? Gor don
Eli ?The Bidoof ? Gr assi
Jacob ?Genius? Gr assi
Nina ?The Legend? Kahn
Calvin ?Tank Engine? Kocher
Gabe ?Kang? Levine
Ottavia ?Tav? Lodovico
M ar ia ?Lasagna? M oisuc
Ciar an ?Slugger ? M ur phy
Hannah ?Kodos? Nam ini
Leila ?Cinnam on Buns? New m an
Piper ?Kitty Cat? New m an
Ar iel ?H8er ? Reinstein
Sydney ?Paw pr int? Robinow
Kaia ?Kool Gir l? Robinson
Oscar ?ALL CAPS? Wallenstein
Colin ?W ings? Walsh

Photojour nalists:
Stella ?Stellar ? Cahill
Chr istopher ?Gags? Gagliar di
Kate ?Gr eta? Ger w ig
Hannah ?Banana? Ir eland
Zoe ?Scotty? Labadie
Isabella ?The Kid? Lazar o-Ger e
Nathan ?M addie?s Br other ? Vanech
Colin ?W ings? Walsh

Cam p New s!
W h at ar e t h e Rock s
Pl an n i n g?
By Kier a | Edited by Fr eya
Hello cam per s. You
m ight of hear d that the
r ocks ar e planning to attack
us. I know that because I
hear the r ocks. You m ight
say, ?W hy is she hear ing the
r ocks w hisper to each
other ?? I know it sounds
cr azy, but it?s tr ue! Take
cover now because they ar e
planning to attack any day
now. Ever yone r em em ber
the r ocks ar e planning
som ething. Tr y and listen to
them and pr otect your self. I
w ill w r ite another ar ticle to
tell you w hat they ar e
planning.
Fir st, befor e I finish
the ar ticle, you?r e pr obably
like ?they didn't tell us w hy
they ar e attacking us.? You
know how w e alw ays step
on the r ocks?faces? Yeah,
it?s pr obably that. And w hat
the r ocks hate m ost is that
they get painted and
decor ated ? they hate that.
But if w e do w ant w ar ,
w hich is ver y violent, then
you can continue as alw ays,
but w e don?t know if they'r e
going to take people one by
one. So be car eful, but have
a good day. Bye!
(This ar ticle is totally fake)
Fi r st Day of Cam p M u si n gs
By The M ost Wonder ful and Ter r ifying Roxanne V.
Glassenber g
Hello hum an beans (and Walker )! It?s gr eat to be back . I
m ean, I can?t be the only one w ho?s been com posing long
and involved D-Dubs ar ticles in my head since
Septem ber...but then again, I?m w eir d. So I thought I
w ould star t the year off w ith som e r eally gr eat and
absolutely one hundr ed per cent accur ate and aw esom e
advice for new and old cam per s alike! So her e goes.
1. Getting Lost ? So you got lost! It happens to ever yone. I?m afr aid
of the M iddle Building, to be fr ank . And if you ar e not car r ying this
ar ticle in your pocket close to your hear t (and w ho w ouldn?t?), you
m ay as w ell r ead it now. If you ar e lost, you can, of cour se, assum e
another identity, be it an alter ego of your ow n cr eation or the
identity of another cam per , and go to your class. ?W hat do you m ean
ther e?s no ButtButt M cFar t-Head in your class?? you m ight say.
Another idea: com e up w ith your ow n class! You can be counselor ,
cam per , CIT, and executioner ! And if a staff m em ber com es along, all
?W hy Ar en't you in class?, just say, ?Oh, I am in class! This is
Rem edial Car pet Soiling! Next, I have Advanced Tur tle Flipping in
the Under Rever se M iddle-of-the Road building.? Or , thir dly, if you?r e
lost, just r un about and shr iek! That alw ays w or ks for m e?
2. Lunch Time ? Ah, lunch. How gr eat is lunch? The gr eatest.
Ther efor e, ther e?s alw ays a super long line. So, her e's a str ategy or
tw o for m aking the m ost of your tim e w aiting. You could alw ays
star t up a lively gam e of Rip Out Your Spleen! W ith your
line-neighbor s. Or , tr y for m ing your ow n lunch! Gr een, clean, and
easy. I r ecom m end m ushr oom , lettuce, cher r y tom atoes and
kohlr abi. In the am ount of tim e befor e you get your chicken, you can
gr ow som e tasty veggies in your backpack or even your fr iend?s ear !
Don?t w aste your tim e in the lunch line; hobbies like m acr am e and
cake decor ating ar e fun the shar e. Bake a cake, bait the tr ap, the
tr ap you w ove fr om your yar n! M ake use of your tim e, okay?
3. M aking Friends ? Cam p. A com m unity of gr eat people (and
Walker ) w ho ar e just w eir d, w eir d fr iends w aiting to be m ade. ?But
Roxanne,? you ask, ?How do I m ake fr iends, anyw ays?? And I get
w hat you?r e saying. Ther e?s a lot of pr essur e to m ake fr iends at
sum m er cam p. After all, these ar e supposed to be bonds for life!
Luckily, Uncle Roxanne is her e to give you som e fr iendly pointer s on
m aking fr iendships that w ill last. Obviously, I am incr edibly socially
adept and not at all aw kw ar d at all! I r ecom m end sm iling! Sit dow n
in your class. Sm ile at ever yone! Bar e your teeth and show the other
cam per s your pow er. They r ecognize you as the alpha dog and back
dow n. I don?t r ecom m end, how ever , br iber y. Cake is good, fr iends
ar e better , don?t buy your fr iend w ith cake. M y final
r ecom m endation is this: tur n to the cam per near est to you. W hisper
in their ear : ?You look like you have a nice, juicy spleen.? Pow.
Fr iends for ever.
And so, w ith best w ishes, I send you on your w ay. Have a gr eat
sum m er.
Th e Dai l y Dou bl e i s i n dan ger , an d so
ar e you
By Nico Di An-gello (not a m istake)
Cam per s, I w r ite this ar ticle w ith
gr ow ing fear. The Daily Double is being
used? .BY THE ILLUM INATI! Deep
w ithin the ar ticles cam per s w r ite, ther e
ar e coded m essages to the spies her e at
CRCAP telling them w hat to do next.
The com puter s ar e specifically m ade to
contr ol the cam per s m inds, and then
give them ideas. I w as once par t of this,
but I w as able to br eak fr ee fr om the
com puter ?s gr asp. I see the plot now ,
and I know w ho these spies ar e. AVOID
THEM AT ALL COSTS ONCE YOU HAVE
READ THIS. TRUST NO ONE.
People not to tr ust:
1. David Baler helps Sar ah D'Angelo
contr ol cam per s?m inds w ith her
fr iendship br acelets
2. All the Advice Colum nists: they ar e
also using the advice they give to
im plant ideas that w ill eventually cause
the illum inati to dom inate the galaxy
3. Om ar uses food to poison cam per s
and m ake them so r elaxed they can?t
fight back against the illum inati w hen
the tim e com es to go to w ar
4. Aar on uses the cow bell to infect
cam per s w ith deadly diseases like
m alar ia, scar let fever , and, if you'r e
lucky, ser ious aches and pains that
m ake it r eally har d to w alk . I w as
actually hit by the disease. Luckily, I
pulled thr ough.
5. TINA: their guitar act causes cam per s
to think so har d about it that they
becom e entr anced by it)
6. Amy uses M ojo to hypnotize cam per s
w ith his cuteness
7. Kelsey does the sam e thing w ith
Olive
These people w ill likely r ead this ar ticle
soon and see it. Rem em ber , if they ask
you about it, just change the subject
and w alk aw ay. This is a m atter of life
and death. As of now , this cam p
becom es a w ar zone. Pr epar e for
dr am a only seen befor e in Jur assic
Par k . Sadly, I w ill not be her e to tell you
w ho the new spies ar e next session, but
I?m sur e you can sur vive. Good luck!
Th e Su gar Scan dal
By Sydney (Donut) Robinow & Julia W
Om ar , sw eet, innocent Om ar ? .or so it seem s. In
Exper im ental Baking (per iod 1) w e have a botched
baker y boon. He has fr ozen our br ow nies, sabotaged our
sw eets, stolen the sugar , and fiddled w ith the flour ! W hat
w ill he do next? We advise cam per s to act w ith caution
ar ound the food fiasco. Take your stash, take your sw eets,
and hide your honey, or else you w ill be in a sticky
situation. Suspicious char acter s, like Walker , should be
avoided. Om ar can also be char ged w ith locking the
cabinets and for cing us to have access to only a select
am ount of ingr edients. We bake in the har shest
conditions! We hope this helps w ith your sugar y safety.
Stay safe cam per s.
CAM PERS W HO LI KE EVI L-DEM ON SLANG TALK BE
AWARE!
You Gosh dar n cam per s ar e no talk in sang no m or e
Or else I w ill M ake sum m a m elt your ice cr eam
?Cause I ain?t gonna be toler atin?that stuff no
m or e
If M e catches you talkin?anda m ock?n in slang talk
you gonna tur n into a couch potater for r ealziez
Just get zonked alr eads, and just r em ebah ya unca
is gonna m ake ya stop yah slang talk
Sop just sighn yah john hancock her e _______or
you?ll be tur ned into a scr ew ed up piece o?cake
Singed, Da M ayah and da Wakea
I n t er v i ew w i t h Dav i d Bal er
Inter view ed by Fr eya and Kier a
Q: W hat?s your full name?
A: David Hair y Baler
Q: How old are you?
A: 20
Q: Do you like working here?
A: Yes! I enjoy it!
Q: W hat?s your favorite part of camp?
A: The cam per s?cr azy ar t w or k (And Chipw iches!)
Q: W hat do you want to change about camp?
A: Cam p all year , not just in sum m er
Q: W hat do you like about the chipwiches?
A: I like the textur e and they r em ind m e of my childhood
 APPETITE FOR
Dest r u ct i on Ti m et abl e Fi r st Per i od Ju n e
27t h
By Nico Di Angelo And Sam m i J.

It w as a cold sum m er day w hen Sam m i and

Nico w ent outside to r ecor d the destr uction
that had fatefully seeped its w ay to CRCAP.
They w er e so astounded they just had to
w r ite out a tim etable of the follow ing events.
9:18 Cr ane utter ly destr oyed the patio and
over hang
9:19 Clouds gr ow dar k over head as the
r em aining r ubble is br oken
9:20 All r ubble is thr ow n out of the w ay and
collected in a lar ge pile
9:21 M an hesitates ar ound tr ash can then
picks it up and m oves it out of the w ay,
show ing a bit of m er cy
9:23 The cr ane pulls the patio floor up and
thr ow s it
9:25 We notice the constr uction inside the
building as m en pull it apar t and w alk
thr ough the now br oken hallw ays
9:27 Constr uction w or ker s take a shor t br eak
to talk about w ater
9:28 M an r ips off the hallw ay w all w ith his
bar e hands
9:30 We get a better angle and r ealize the
cr eative star ts building w indow s have been
r ipped out
9:32 We r etur n inside to type this up
9:50 We r etur n outside to see that cr ane has
stopped and m en in the hallw ay ar e
str uggling to r em ove beam w ith bar e hands
and in the sam e m inute they step back to
adm ir e their w or k
9:52 No change in cr eative star ts building
w hatsoever
9:53 The m en myster iously disappear w hile
w e have a chat w ith Roxanne w ho just
happened to be str olling by
This concludes the fir st per iod's tim e table
and r eveals that Roxanne has a secr et alliance w ith the w or ker s w ho ar e secr etly spies for
Hillar y Clinton. The r eason they ar e spying is because the Daily Double unofficially endor sed
Hillar y last year.
DESTRUCTION

Photojour nalism Class:

Stella Cahill
Chr istopher Gagliar di
Kate Ger w ig
Hannah Ir eland
Zoe Labadie
Isabella Lazar o-Ger e
Nathan Vanech
Colin Walsh
 Am er i ca?s Heal t h Car e Si t u at i on Ex pl ai n ed
By Kaia Robinson

As m any of you m ay have hear d, Pr esident Donald

Wor ld New s!
W h at an Eu r opean Th i n k s Abou t
Am er i ca
By M ar ia
I am fr om Rom ania (that is in Eur ope,
if you don?t know that) and since I
cam e her e I m ade a conclusion: Your
countr y is w eir d. Ther e ar e som e
things that seem just im possible to
under stand for m e (and for som e of the cam per s that i asked) and som e that ar e just aw esom e.
So, I w ill list som e things that I think ar e the coolest or w eir dest.
Tr um p along w ith the G.O.P. have just pr oposed a new plan
for healthcar e. As w e ar e cur r ently living under Obam acar e,
or the Affor dable Healthcar e Act, I?ll explain that fir st.
Obam acar e r aises taxes for the r ich in or der to fund
healthcar e for people over 65 (M edicar e), and for people
w ho ear n less than about $16,000 per year (m edicaid).
Under Obam acar e, the num ber of Am er icans w ho don?t
have health insur ance has decr eased by appr oxim ately 20
m illion since ar ound 2010. Over the next 10 year s, the
num ber of uninsur ed Am er icans is pr edicted to stay about
the sam e, at 27 m illion, if Obam acar e stays in place. The
G.O.P/ Tr um pcar e plans to stage a m ajor tax cut (that w ill
exclusively benefit the r ich) and finance this tax cut w ith
m oney dir ectly com ing out of the M edicaid budget.
Tr um pcar e w on?t help low -incom e Am er icans pay for
healthcar e cover age. Under Tr um pcar e, the num ber of
uninsur ed Am er icans is pr edicted to r ise by appr oxim ately
30 m illion over the next 10 year s.
Sour ces: New Yor k M agazine, Obam aCar e Facts, Tr um pCar e

1. This is the m ost im por tant one: the Im per ial System (I just found out that this is w hat inches, pounds,
feet etc ar e called). Like, w hy?? The r est of the w or ld uses m eter s, celsius, kilogr am s, but not Am er ica
and it ticks m e off that I can?t say for exam ple how long I need som ething to be BECAUSE YOU DON?T
KNOW M ETERS OR CENTIM ETERS. I can?t say my height (w hich I r ecently found out that is 5?6?), my
w eight (now I know that i have 123 pounds and 55 kilos), the tem per atur e outside. Too har d for m e.

2. Water fountains ever yw her e you go ar e the coolest things, I m ean w e have them too, but her e ar e so
m any and I love that.

3. I have no idea w hat a slushie is so I w ill have som eone to explain because appar ently ther e is a 7/11
day about it and ever yone talked about it and I had no idea.

4. W hy is ever yone so obsessed w ith Ham ilton?? I listened to the songs, they ar e cool, but ever ybody
loves it and I am a bit confused w hen they talk about it.

5. You guys have the best ice cr eam (after Italy) w ith so m any w eir d flavor s. So, like 2 days befor e ice
cr eam social I tasted for the fir st tim e cookie dough ice cr eam and I love it, but my favor ite is Dippin?
Dots chocolate chip cookie dough, that thing is so so so good.
* also the ice cr eam tr ucks that ar e cool and w e don?t have*

6. Your anim als ar e aggr essive, like your squir r els ar e little dem ons that eat souls and destr oy things,
our squir r els ar e soft and cute and love w hen you feed them or som e even let you pet them .

7. I?ve lear ned in BIG (the spor t class for the ones that don?t know ) som e ver y cool gam es like: captur e
the flag, dodgeball, m anhunt, w allball and kickball (kickball is my favor ite). These ar e ver y fun gam es
to play if you have fr iends that like to go outside (or that even leave the house som etim es).

These ar e one of som e things that I like or don?t get in Am er ica, also if you w ant to explain m e w hat?s
Ham ilton I w ill listen ever y single tim e (3 people tr ied to explain it to m e and I still don?t get it).
Spor t s Gu ys Pt .2
By The Spor ts Guys

Today?s focus is the AL Centr al. The Cleveland Indians lead by half a gam e in this division (No
sur pr ise), but the r eal sur pr ise is the M innesota Tw ins w ith a 39 - 36 r ecor d. If you?r e follow ing and
this is your fir st season w atching the w hole M LB, this is shocking because the Tw ins finished 59 - 103
last year , only 38 losses shor t of the m ost losses in a season (set in 1899 by the Cleveland Spider s, an
ancestor of the Indians). The centr al is only separ ated by 7 gam es, w hich could also play a factor. On to
the next team , the Royals ar e in thir d place r ight now w ith 37-38 r ecor d. This is a little below .500, but
they ar e only 2.5 gam es back fr om fir st place. They?r e not close to the Wor ld Ser ies caliber , but they
have som e talent. In 4th place ar e the Detr oit Tiger s. This is a huge sur pr ise also, as the Tiger s w ill
often contend for the Centr al. It w ill likely be a deciding factor in this packed division. And, in 5th
Place, the Chicago W hite Sox com ing into action on June 28 w ith a 33 - 43 r ecor d. They w ill likely not
contend, like the Tiger s, but ther e is hope for the futur e w ith Yoan M oncada, M ichael Kopech, and Luis
Alexander Basabe in their far m system , all com ing fr om the Chr is Sale tr ade fr om the Red Sox. Along
w ith these nam es, the W hite Sox ar e being pushed to sign a big nam e fr ee agent by sever al Chicago
sour ces. Ther e is little hope for the next couple year s, but the W hite sox could contend in year s to
com e.
Also, please r em em ber to subm it your spor ts questions to our advice colum n in our Red Pocket
in the hallw ay that leads to the Activity Center locker r oom s. We?d r eally appr eciate it.

UPDATES:
* The Tam pa Bay Rays have lost their playoff spot after the M innesota Tw ins w on a few gam es against
the Cleveland Indians.
* The Red Sox also have gained a 1 gam e lead over the Yankees as of June 28! This is gr eat new s,
especially since w e w on 9-2. This m eans that the Red Sox ar e star ting to gain m om entum and be m or e
consistent, w hich hopefully can lead to a deep r un in October.
* The Flor ida Gator s baseball team w on the 2017 College baseball Wor ld Ser ies. Congr ats!
* Yasiel Puig?s 1 gam e suspension for a gestur e has now been r escinded to a donation to char ity.
* The Nationals stole a team r ecor d 7 bases in a 6 - 1 w in over the Cubs last night. This r esulted in the
Cubs r eleasing M iguel M onter o after the gam e due to the com m ents he m ade about the star ter in that
gam e, Jake Ar r ieta.
* Tim Tebow , a M ets far m hand and for m er NFL Quar ter back, has been pr om oted to the St. Lucie M ets.
He also has alr eady hom er ed.
* John Far r ell m issed Tuesday?s gam e w hile ser ving a 1 gam e suspension for his ejection ar guing a
balk, called on Fer nando Abad, on Satur day Night.
M LB TRADE RUM ORS
* The Br aves ar e inter ested in m aking a tr ade for both Chr is Ar cher and Jose Quintana
* Sur pr ise! Justin Ver lander m ay hit the tr ade m ar ket w ithin 2 w eeks!
* Ger r it Cole has dr aw n inter est fr om the Astr os and the Yankees
* The Astr os ar e also inter ested in Jose Quintana and Sonny Gr ay.
RED SOX TRADE RUM ORS
* The Red Sox have been linked to Johnny Cueto and Sonny Gr ay in r ecent r epor ts.
* The Sox have also been looking at 3B M ike M oustakas
* Both the Red Sox and the Yankees have been looking into M ar lins 3B M ar tin Pr ado
* The Red Sox have been scouting 3B Todd Fr azier , also.

THIS ISSUE?S QUESTIONS

Q: W hat do the Red Sox need to be a cham pionship team ?
A: Fir st, they w ould need a consistent thir d basem an. That?s a m ain pr ior ity. They w ould also have to
pick up at least one m id-r ange star ting pitcher.
Q: W ill the Red Sox tr ade for a 3B at the deadline?
A: It is ver y likely that they w ill attem pt a tr ade if not pull one off, as they ar e looking into M ike
M oustakas, Todd Fr azier , and M ar tin Pr ado.
Thanks for the questions in this issue!
Sh ou l d CNN be on t h e ?good n ew s sou r ces? at CRCAP? Th e Squ i r r el At t ack
By Stephen Fitzpatr ick and Calvin Kocher By Raluca

One of the biggest pr oblem s in Am er ican politics is new s Do you like squir r els? I
sour ces and their r eliability. One of the m or e pr om inent sour ces used to say ?Yes? to this question,
in today's new s is CNN. The com pany has been in hot w ater but som ething changed my
r ecently. W hether it is about w r iting about stor ies and leads that m ind!
they know w ill go now her e, blackm ailing (unconfir m ed), or One m or ning I w as on my
using questionable sour ces to jum p to conclusions. A big phone w hen I hear d it! The
question w e have been asking our selves is if CNN should r em ain scr atching! I fr eaked out at fir st
on the ?good new s sour ces? poster in CRCAP. and I alm ost dr opped my phone,
W hile they have been said to r elease valid new s (m ost of but then the noise stopped. The
the tim e), they also have r eleased untr ue facts that can silence w as m aking m e feel
som etim es even contr adict their pr evious view s. Should this be extr em ely tense, but after a few
acceptable? After all, w e all m ake m istakes and jum p to m inutes I w as on my phone
conclusions, but shouldn?t a big com pany like CNN be able to fact again. Then I hear d som ething
check? Should CNN be held accountable for their actions? We again! The br eaking glass! The
have to note that in som e of the exam ples, CNN isn?t cr eating noise w as sur ely fr om
false facts, it?s that they ar e leaving cer tain aspects out of their dow nstair s, I had no doubt. I
new s or em phasizing other par ts. decided to w ait. M aybe this w as
CNN has the r ight to fr eedom of pr ess, but do they have all my im agination! But I w as
the r ight to deceive view er s? I do not think that CNN should be w r ong. So m any w eir d sounds
on the ?good new s sour ces? at CRCAP as the facts that cam per s w er e com ing fr om dow nstair s
m ight get m ay be tw isted or even com pletely false. and the scr atching at my w indow
star ted again! I couldn?t take it
anym or e. I had to know w hat
Un t i t l ed Docu m en t
w as happening.
So, slow ly, I appr oached
This is an untitled docum ent. (Duh.) Don?t even bother to
the w indow and I saw a big hair y
r ead it. It is a w aste of your tim e.But, if you ar e r eading this
m onster w ith teeth as shar p as
ar ticle, I am ver y pr oud of you for not listening to my com m ents
knives. She looked at m e and I
about how you should not r ead this ar ticle. (See? This ar ticle is
felt extr em ely scar ed, but she
a w aste of your tim e! I haven?t even gotten to the point yet! How
jum ped aw ay. I r ealized w hat
do you even know if ther e is a point?!?!)
w as happening! Our house w as
At this point in my ar ticle (that is a w aste of your tim e,
under attack . And the enemy
that you should not bother to r ead, and that I haven?t even got
w as the squir r el ar my (and by
to the point in yet) I do not know w hat to w r ite about. I could
ar my I m ean tw o or thr ee
w r ite about alpacas, I could w r ite about m e not know ing w hat
squir r els). I car efully opened my
to w r ite about (w hich is w hat I am doing r ight now ), or I could
door. Dow nstair s w as quiet.
even keep telling you not to r ead this ar ticle, but nothing seem s
Br ave, but scar ed, I decided I had
r ight.
to check if the squir r el w as still
I have an idea!!!! I w ill w r ite about w hy it feels like I
in the house. W hen I got in the
should not w r ite about alpacas, m e not know ing w hat to w r ite
living r oom I could see the m ess
about, or m e telling you not to r ead this ar ticle!!!!!!
the squir r el m ade. The kitchen
* #1 I w ill not w r ite about alpacas because they w ill cause the
w as devastated too. Then I saw
alpacalypse!!!!!!
how she could get in and out. She
* #2 I w ill not w r ite about m e not know ing w hat to w r ite about
chew ed her w ay thr ough one of
because now I do!!!!!
the w indow scr eens. I felt
* #3 I w ill not keep telling you not to r ead this ar ticle because 1.
r elieved that she left, but I w ill
You should, because it is a good ar ticle. And 2. I said it enough
never for get this squir r el
ear lier in the ar ticle.
am bush!
Well folks, that concludes my ar ticle that you should not have
I w ould like to add the
bother ed to r ead, is a w aste of your tim e, and that I just r ecently
fact that this stor y is absolutely
got to the point in!!!! Gotta go!! The alpacalypse is star ting!!!!!!!
tr ue and it happened a few days
ago. So the m or al of my stor y is...
Sincer ely,
squir r els ar e not cute!
Oscar Wallenstein

Fu n Fact s, How -To,
an d Gr ab Bag
Don ?t Dw el l On Th i n gs
Ar iel Reinstein
W hether it be som ething you?ve lost a
m onth ago or som eone w ho w on?t talk to
you, it isn?t healthy to dw ell on the sm all
things. You need to find m ethods to let go.
Easier said than done, though. Som etim es it
just seem s im possible not to think about it.
You m ight get a feeling in the pit of your
stom ach ever y tim e you think about it. It?s
r eally har d to do, and you pr obably w on?t
for get about w hatever is stuck on your m ind,
but ther e ar e w ays to lighten the bur den.
Count your blessings ? think of all of
the w onder ful things that you still have, like
som ething or som eone that has been by your
side for a w hile. It could also som ething new
that you just got, a new video gam e or the
star t of a good fr iendship. It could be
anything and ever ything that you
appr eciate.
Distr act your m ind? find a hobby.
Read a book . Exer cise. Do som ething that
w ill distr act you. If you do it long enough,
it?ll tur n into a habit. Don?t use a device too
m uch, though. You?ll star t to feel too
dependent on it.
Hang out w ith fr iends? w hen you?r e
w ith good fr iends, you can usually for get
w hatever w as ?stuck to the r oof of your
m ind.?W hen you?r e alone and undistr acted,
it?s easy to think about som ething bugging
you for too long.
Again, these ar en?t foolpr oof m ethods
and dw elling on things is hum an natur e, but
it doesn?t have to be as bad as it is.
How t o Fi sh
By Leila N.
Hello cam per s! Today I am going to teach you how
to fish. So fishing is so easy because all the fish ar e
so dum b. Now to fish you need:
- A fishing pole
- A line
- Bait
- A hook
- Cheese (it is gr eat bait)
- And cake (this is for you.)
- Also soda (also for you)
Now you know w hat m ater ials to have in or der to
fish, and now I w ill tell you how to get your things
set up. Fir st, you put the thingy thr ough the thingy
then you clip the thing thr ough the thing and then
you? . So basically I do not know how to get things
set up so now I w ill tell you how to fish. So fir st
you need to cast, so you pr ess a button and then
you pull your pole back and then you br ing it
for w ar d and let go of the button. Then you pr ess
another button and fish w ill com e and bite your
w or m . Just be car eful not to pr ess the other
button, or shar ks w ill com e and eat you alive. You
ar e pr obably w onder ing w hy ther e is a button for
shar ks to com e, w ell that is a question that I can
not answ er. Hey, I did not m ake fishing r ods! So
then, w hen the fish bites it, you r eel it in and the
fish?s hear t w ill explode and you w ill get the hook
out and then thr ow it back in and it?s hear t w ill
un-explode. So that's all about how to fish folks!
Now , good day docs!
HOW TO BE AS LOUD AS YOU CAN!
By Oscar Wallenstein
#1 HAVE A DRUM SET.
#2 HAVE A ROOM W ITH GOOD ACOUSTICS
(PREFERABLY A LIBRARY)
#3 HAVE A SPEAKER THAT CONNECTS TO YOUR
IPOD, IPHONE, IPAD, ETC.
#4 HAVE A SUPER LOUD PLAYLIST
#5 EARPLUGS!
#6 LIBRARIAN REPELLANT
#7 TURN ON THE PLAYLIST W ITH THE SPEAKER
ON TOP VOLUM E, PUT IN YOUR EARPLUGS, PLAY
THE DRUM S, REPEL THE LIBRARIAN, AND
SCREAM !!!!
ENJOY!
BY OSCAR WALLENSTEIN
(PS. THIS ARTICLE WAS GOING TO HAVE HUGE
TEXT BUT SADLY W HEN IT IS PRINTED IT IS THE
SAM E SIZE AS ALL THE OTHERS).
M y Favor i t e An i m al s Ou r M i n ds Tr i ck Us Ever yday
By Ram sey Br eslau by Jacob Gr assi

Gir affe W hen you look at a

- Length: 14-18
- Scientific nam e: Gir affa cam elopar dalis
- Discover ed: 1772
- W hy they ar e my favor ite anim al: I like gir affes
because I think they ar e funny, and they ar e ver y
cute.
Cats
- Length: The aver age cat is about 1 foot tall
- Scientific nam e: Felis catus
- Discover ed: -14,700
- W hy they ar e my favor ite anim al: Cats ar e ver y cute,
and they ar e fun to play w ith, and they ar e r eally
good pets. I have tw o cats nam ed Weasley and Sadie.
Dogs
- Length: 2.5- 42 inches
- Scientific nam e: Canis lupus fam iliar is
- Discover ed: -14,700
- W hy they ar e my favor ite anim al: Dogs ar e ver y
cute, ver y playful and they m ake good pets. I have a
dog nam ed Ladybug.
Guinea Pigs
- Length: 7.9-9.8 (adult)
- Scientific nam e: Cavia por cellus
- Discover ed: 2000 BC
- W hy they ar e my favor ite anim al: Guinea Pigs ar e
cute, silly, and ver y playful, and m ake good pets. I
have tw o Guinea Pigs, Joy and Sunny.
Elephant
- Length: The Asian elephant is 18-21 feet.
- Scientific nam e: Loxodonta
- Discover ed: 327 BC
- W hy they ar e my favor ite anim al: Elephants ar e
r eally cute anim als, and ar e funny to w atch.
Tor toise
- Length: 2.4- 3.1
- Scientific nam e: Testudinidae
- Discover ed: m or e than 164,000,000 year s ago
- W hy they ar e my favor ite anim al: I like tor toises
because they ar e they have pr etty shells and they ar e
cool anim als.
Fish
- Length: Var ies by species
- Scientific nam e: Var ies by species
- Discover ed: Unknow n
- W hy they ar e my favor ite anim al: I like fish because
it?s fun to w atch them sw im , and they ar e r eally
pr etty anim als.
com puter or TV scr een, specifically
one w ith color on it, you?r e not
r eally looking at m any differ ent
color s. You?r e actually looking at
tiny dots of thr ee color s; r ed, gr een,
and blue. Since these dots ar e so
sm all, and so close together , our
br ain sim ply blends them and
thinks it?s looking at a w hole new
color. For black, the the lights ar e
sim ply tur ned off. For w hite, all of
the the lights ar e on. It?s not just
color either. Your TV doesn?t
actually show you m oving im ages.
It just show s you a lot of still
im ages in r apid succession. Your
br ain, once again, w ill just blend
them together and think it?s
looking at m ovem ent.
It?s not just our TVs that ar e
deceiving us either. Ther e ar e
entir e fields of study that focus on
the the ar t of deception. Stage
m agicians pr actice sleight of hand,
or the the act of distr acting people
so it?s easy to tr ick them into seeing
im possible things. And adver tiser s
know all about how to m anipulate
people into buying pr oducts; their
tr ick is to descr ibe the the kind of
per son w ho buys their pr oduct in
their ads, and not the the actual
pr oduct. That w ay, people w ho
w ant to be like the the people in an
adver tisem ent w ill pr oject those
qualities onto the the pr oduct itself,
m aking them m or e likely to buy it.
Our br ains don?t r ead as
car efully as you m ight think either.
Read this ar ticle again, but look out
for the the w or d ?the?. It?s r epeated
ever y tim e it com es up, but you
pr obably just r ead it once. That?s
because your br ain is just so used
to seeing it once, and you?r e not
actually paying that close attention
to the the w or ds you?r e looking at.
(Did I get you again w ith the ?the?
in that last sentence?) M y point is,
your br ain isn?t per fect, so please,
pay attention.
Cat s vs. Dogs I n t er v i ew
By Oscar , Leila, and Piper
Hello am azing people (and Walker ) today w e
ar e going to a Cats vs. Dogs inter view. Piper
talking: I know m ost of you like dogs better
than cats, but if you actually like cats better
than dogs, don?t choose dogs just because
your fr iend does!
Her e is Piper ?s list of r easons w hy you should
vote for cats!!!
1.Ever yone likes dogs better than cats and
poor cats ar e left out! W hy don?t you just give
them a chance?
2. Cats ar e fun to play w ith! I should know
because my cat jum ps off the r oof! Tr ue fact!
3. Cats ar e ster eotyped for being evil and
m ean cr eatur es but they'r e actually kind and
gentle!
4. Cats love to cuddle but ever yone thinks cats
ar e going to bite or scr atch them ! By the w ay,
that's not going to happen folks!
5. Dogs have big, w et, slobber y kisses, but cats
have gentle kisses w ith their tongue or nose!
Or eyes!
Oscar : BIG SLOBBERY KISSES CAN BE
GOOD!!!!!
Piper : This is my ar ticle, not your s!
Leila: Big slobber y kisses ar e also bad.
6. Cats ar e gr eat pets if you just give them a
chance.
Oscar : Dogs can be good pets too!
Piper : Yes they can, but ever ybody dr ools over
dogs, causing cats to live in the shadow s.
7. Cats can be sassy if you like that!
Oscar : Ser iously?
Piper : Yeah, ser iously!
8. If you like cats WAY better than dogs her e is
a fun r hym e! Cats r ule dogs dr ool!
9. Kittens, in M Y opinion, ar e WAY cuter than
puppies? Okay I have to adm it puppies ar e
pr etty dar n cute? but still please vote for
cats.
Leila: I agr ee w ith piper.
10. Cats ar e r eally fun to cuddle w ith on r ainy
days. Her e?s a funny stor y: One day, I w ent to
the cat br eeder to check out cats and ther e
w er e these tw o cats that had a door
separ ating them and they hated each other
and they w er e m aking all of these r eally
funny noises.
11. Cats ar e kind enough to br ing you hom e
pr esents because they love you even though
the pr esents ar en't that good. Dogs w on?t even
shar e a ball!!!
HOW TO REDUCE BOREDOM
By Gr iffin Atw ood
This is an ar ticle about how to r educe
bor edom .
Ingr edients:
- Backyar d
- Outdoor outlet
- TV, Ipod/Iphone 1s/1 2s/2 3s/3 4s/4 5s/5
6s/6 7s/7 8
- A m om to tell you to play outside
Steps:
1. Wait for your m om to tell you to go outside
2. Slip your scr een into your pocket
3. Go to your outdoor outlet and enjoy!
Hopefully this w ill r educe your bor edom !
Oscar ?s list of r easons w hy you should vote for
dogs:
1. Puppies ar e w ay cuter than kittens!
Leila: Puppies ar e cute, but so ar e kittens. I
think that puppies and kittens ar e tied for
cuteness.
2. Dogs can play gam es, but cats don?t!
Piper : Cats play gam es!
Oscar : W hen w as the last tim e you saw a cat
catching a fr isbee in it?s m outh?
Piper : W hen w as the last tim e you saw a dog
clim bing a fence to catch a m ouse hm m ? ?
3. Dogs like people m or e than cats do.
Piper : Well excuse m e, but do you have a
br ain?
Oscar : You ar e the br ainless per son!
4. M or e people ar e aller gic to cats than dogs.
Piper : Ar e not!
Oscar : I?m aller gic to cats!
Leila: So w hat!? It does not m ean that you have
to not like them or be m ean to them !!!!!!!!!!!
5. Dogs ar e faster than cats!
Piper : No they?r e not.
Leila: Cheetahs ar e faster than any kind of dog.
Also, have you seen my cat r un w hen she is
scar ed?!
Oscar : I m eant dom estic dogs and cats and,
anyw ays, that?s all folks!
P.S. Ther e w ill be a voting pocket in the athletic
center so you can vote cats vs dogs.
P.S.S. Piper encour ages you to like cats but,
Oscar encour ages you to like dogs.
Leila: I encour age you to like cats a little bit
m or e than dogs, but still like dogs.
?Fact s? Abou t t h e US Pr esi den t s i n Or der
By Roxanne Glassenber g
- Geor ge Washington w asn?t toothless, he had
double r ow s of teeth w hich he shar pened to
deadly points.
- John Adam s w as actually an intr icately designed
puppet contr olled by Geor ge Washington.
- Thom as Jeffer son?s favor ite food w as spleen
pudding and kidney beans.
- Jam es M adison w as our nation?s shor test
pr esident at thr ee and one half inches on his
tippy toes.
- Jam es M onr oe w as an accom plished bass
guitar ist, and had his ow n band, ?M onr oe and the
Oar sm en.?
- John Quincy Adam s w as, to date, our only
half-puppet com m ander -in-chief.
- Inter estingly enough, Andr ew Jackson never left
office and is still technically pr esident. They haul
his cor pse out ever y few w eeks for cabinets
m eetings and a m anicur e.
- M ar tin Van Bur en w as the dr um m er for Jam es
M onr oe?s band. He m ade m utton chops the
hottest hair style of the m id-to-late eighteen
thir ties.
- W illiam Henr y Har r ison w as tucked into bed
and r ead a stor y ever y night.
- John Tyler w ent thr ough an em o phase in the
eighteen teens.
- Jam es K. Polk had a habit of going up behind
people, poking them , and yelling, ?You just got
Poked!? and then r unning off, giggling.
- Zachar y Taylor w as the com eback tour m anager
for ?M onr oe and the Oar sm en.?
- M illar d Fillm or e w ent by M illie Ann, and w as
the only pr esident ever to give his inaugur al
addr ess in dr ag.
- Jam es Buchanan star ted the USA?s ver y fir st
polyester m useum . It closed after thr ee year s.
- Fr anklin Pier ce?s idol w as Hogw ar ts Pr ofessor
Sever us Snape.
- Abe Lincoln w as all of the follow ing: a hair less
cat, Nor w egian, a fem ale, a Nazi, a suppor ter of
slaver y, and the pr esident of the confeder acy.
- Fun fact: the fir st CRCAP dir ector w as
seventeenth pr esident Andr ew Johnson
- Ulysses S. Gr ant?s r eal nam e w as Walker
Ander son VII! * Gasps*
- Ruther for d B. Hayes w as m ade out of r ubber.
Tr ue stor y.
- Jam es A. Gar field?s thir d cousin w as Gar field the
cat.
- Chester A. Ar thur had the W hite House?s finest
and fir st m old gar den. It w as under neath an ar m
chair in the Red Room .
- Gr over Cleveland w as distantly r elated to Gr over
fr om Sesam e Str eet.
- Benjam in Har r ison designed elabor ate
labyr inths and tr ied to have one installed
beneath the r ose gar den. Ther e?s a r um or that it?s
still ther e.
- W illiam M cKinley w as an over sized cabbage.
- Teddy Roosevelt had tw o heads- one on the fr ont
and one on the back . The second one w as
W illiam How ar d Taft. Or Voldem or ts?! Idk .
- W illiam How ar d Taft gr ew out of the back of
Teddy Roosevelt?s head. Also, he w as Voldem or t.
- Our fir st unicor n pr esident? Woodr ow W ilson!
- War r en Har ding had a belly button pier cing.
- Calvin Coolidge w as the ver y fir st judge for the
Past-Pr esident?s Chopped Challenge. Benjam in
Har r ison w on w ith a sim ple kale salad w ith
w alnuts and a r aspber r y vinaigr ette.
- Her ber t Hoover w as him self a vacuum cleaner.
- Fr anklin Roosevelt w as into death m etal.
(continued from previous page)
- Har r y S. Tr um an w as polydactyl. (He had like
tw elve toes).
- Dw ight Eisenhow er ?s r ole m odel w as Cr uella
DeVille.
- JFK had a tattoo of a r ever se m er m aid (head of
fish, body of a w om an) tattooed on his back .
- Lyndon Johnson's toupee w as m ade out of Dw ight
eisenhow er.
- Richar d Nixon w as, in past lives, a m uppet, a
tr uck dr iver , and a piece of aspar agus.
- Ger ald For d w as one-four th sedan.
- Jim my Car ter w as the fir st pr esident to r ock
m er m aid hair.
- As an actor , Ronald Reagan star r ed in m any
sum m er shor ts videos.
- Geor ge Bush w as a topiar y.
- Bill Clinton?s favor ite food w as Lucky Char m s in a
bow l of tom ato soup.
- Geor ge H. W. Bush?s w ool is w oven into sw eater s
for the tr oops.
- Bar ack Obam a has an exoskeleton cover ed in
hum an skin and m ade out of m elon r inds.
- Donald Tr um p is a peach w ith som e odd m old
spouting on it...oh w ait, that?s tr ue!
Pol k a Dot s or St r i pes
By Fr eya | Edited by Kier a
Hello cam per s. Today w e w ill decide either
polka dots or str ipes. So I w ill list four r easons
w hy you should like polka dots or str ipes! I
honestly like polka dots though!!!!
Str ipes
1. They ar e str aight lines
2. They can be any size
3. They can be any color
4. Str ipes look nice
Polka Dots
1. Polka dots ar e cool
2. They ar e per fectly cir cular
3. They can be differ ent color s
4. They com e in all differ ent sizes
I r on i c Ti m es t o Say t h e Ter m ?Li t ?
By Rachel Alper t-W isnia
Her e?s a list of the best tim es to say ?Yo, that?s
lit!?:
1. W hen standing next to a bur ning building
2. After flicking a light sw itch on
3. After pow er ing on a com puter
4. After star ting a cam pfir e
5. W hen w atching the Olym pics and the tor ch
is br ought in
6. After catching a m ar shm allow on fir e
7. After lighting a m atch
8. After lighting the Shabbat candles
(#onlyjew sw illr em em ber )
9. W hen a bir thday cake is br ought into a
r oom
10. W hen w atching fir ew or ks
11. W hen holding a spar kler
12. W hen your phone tur ns on after being
dead for 5 m inutes
13. W hen som eone in a car tur ns on their left
tur n signal
14. W hen som eone is executed in an electr ic
chair
15. After seeing a lightning str ike
16. W hen you do that exper im ent in
elem entar y school w ith a light bulb, som e
w ir e, and a batter y
17. W hen tur ning on a lam p
18. W hen sticking a for k in an outlet (do not
tr y this at hom e)
19. W hen the eye doctor shines that thing in
your eye
20. W hen ten m illion fir eflies fill the open air
as you just stand and star e
 8-Year -Olds

By t h e
Ph ot oj ou r n al i sm
Cl ass

I n t er v i ew w i t h Lu ca:

W hat is your favorite TV show? Han n ah i n t er v i ew s Nassar

-I don?t have one.
Favorite TV show?
W hat is the coolest thing you have PBS kids
ever done?
-Par asailing and sw im m ing w ith Favorite camp class?
dolphins. Gam e On

W hat is your favorite area at camp? W hat?s your coolest camp experience?
- I don?t r eally know. Looking for natur e.

Do you have a favorite lunch or Do you go to lunch bunches?

dessert?
- I br ing lunch, but my favor ite
lunch to br ing is M ac and Cheese.
And I like to have the popsicles
they give out.
I w ent to one. It w as w ith Nellie
Have you been in the noontime show? W hat did you
do?
I have been in the noontim e show and I w as
playing the dr um s.

Have you ever been in the noontime
show, if not, do you want to be?
-No and no.
How do feel about the end of camp?
-I w ill pr obably feel tir ed.
W hat is your favorite festival
offering?
-Playing w ith Olive. But it?s a secr et
festival offer ing.
Do you have any summer plans?
-Going to Cape Cod.
Do you want to be in the noontime show more?
Yes it w as fun
W hat?s your favorite festival period offering?
M onster s eat m onster m eat.
Do you go to both sessions? If not what will you do
with the free time?
Only this session then I'm going to Jam aica
Have you found any new talents?
I lear ned how to play Wallball
Have you been to Festival Day before?
No. I am excited.
vs. 15-Year -Olds
I n t er v i ew w i t h Ju l i a:
Do you have a coolest camp
experience?
-Being in the noontim e show
w ith the Acapella gr oup.
Do you have a favorite place at
camp?
-Under the Tent!
I n t er v i ew w i t h Ceci l l a:
Do you have a favorite place
at camp?
-Textiles Suite.
How long have you been at
camp?
-This is my eighth year.
Do you have a favorite meal
at camp?
-I can?t choose!
I n t er v i ew w i t h W i l l :
W hat is the coolest thing
you?ve ever done?
-Pr obably going to Afr ica.
W here is your favorite area
at camp?
-Tent Stage
Have you ever been in the
Noontime Show, if not, do
you want to be?
-M or e tim es than I can
count, also I w ould like to
be in it again.
W hat is your favorite kind of
art?
-Clay.
How do you feel about the
end of camp?
-I?ve been her e for a good, 5
year s. And I have been r eally
happy, but I w on?t go back .
So this m akes m e sad.
Have you found new talents
at camp?
-Sew ing and singing.
Do you have a favorite dessert at
camp?
-Chipw iches!
Have you taken one same class
every year?
-CRCAP Runw ay 7 tim es!
Do you have an embarrassing
moment from camp?
-Once I w as at M aking Collages
[festival offer ing] and I thr ew
up.
How do you feel about the end of
camp?
-Extr em ely sad.
W hat is your favorite Festival
offering so far?
-M addie evicting people.
Do you have a most
embarrassing moment from
camp?
-W hen I cut my ar m and it w as
bleeding ever yw her e!
Do you have any other summer
plans?
-Just cam p.

Ar t icles Abou t Food
Ci n n am on Bu n s
By #aw esom e/anonym ous (AKA
Leila)
LEILA: Cinnam on buns, oh
cinnam on buns! Cinnam on
buns! I got one yester day. Then
this m or ning my m om told m e a
tr agic stor y, that last night
w hen I w as in bed? * sniff* ? my
par ents w er e w atching TV, then
my m om looked? * sob* ? acr oss
the couch? * sneeze* ? and my
dad w as? . Piper , you tell the
stor y ?
PIPER: So her dad? (in the
backgr ound: * w ailllllllllllllllll* )
LEILA: HE ATE HALF OF M Y
CINNAM ON BUN!!!!!
PIPER: Hey, I thought I w as
telling this stor y!
LEILA: Well, I w as the one that
star ted telling this stor y!
LEILA AND PIPER:
Rr r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r ? .
NARRATOR: Okay, I w ill not tell
you w hat happens next.
PIPER AND LEILA: Nar r ator ?
NARRATOR: Uh oh. I better go.
Al l Abou t On i on s
By Anthony B.
The Wor ld's lar gest onion w eighed about 18 pounds! Peter
Glazebr ook, ow ner of this onion, w on 2,560 dollar s just for one
onion. This onion w as bigger than the m an?s head and he
sm ashed the r ecor ds for this!
Onion Tr ivia!
Q. W hat should you eat to get rid of onion breath?
A. Par sley
Q. How many pounds of fresh and storage type onions does the
average American eat per year?
A. 20 lbs.
Recipes:
Onion Salsa Salad:
You W ill Need...
1 Cup Diced Onions
1 sm all can diced pim ento
1 cup gr een onion
1 cup chopped jalapeno (optional)
8 oz black eye peas
1 cup bell pepper s, diced
1 oz chopped gar lic
1 cup Italian dr essing
Salt and pepper for taste
Then, com bine all of the item s together. M ake sur e to let it
m ar inate over night for gr eat flavor. It m akes a gr eat side for
chips!
Seeded Onion Biscuits
You W ill Need?
1 cup chopped onion
1-1/2 cups w hole w heat flour
1 teaspoon baking pow der
3/4 teaspoon salt
3 tablespoons chilled butter , sliced thinly
1/2 cup (appr oxim ately) m ilk (nonfat)
1 tablespoon sesam e or sunflow er seeds or 1-1/2 teaspoons
poppy or car aw ay seeds.
Set aside 1/2 cup onions for topping.
Com bine flour , baking pow der , salt and butter in m ixing bow l.
Beat until the m ixtur e has a fine, cr um bly textur e. Lightly beat
in cup onions and enough m ilk (1/2-cup, m or e or less) to
m ake a soft dough. Do not over beat or the biscuits w ill
becom e tough.
Tur n dough onto lightly flour ed boar d and gently pat into
7-inch squar e. Cut into 9 equal squar es. Spr inkle w ith
r em aining 1/2 cup chopped onion and choice of seeds.
Tr ansfer to baking sheet. Bake at 450 degr ees for 20 m inutes
or until done. M akes 9 biscuits.
* Recipe #2 and Tr ivia fr om The National Onion Association.
* Recipe #1 fr om M Didea.com .
National Onion Day is on Januar y 16th.
Am er i can Food
By M ar ia M oisuc
Since I cam e to Am er ica I tr ied a lot of new
foods that include cool ice cr eam flavor s
and a lot of things m ade fr om m eat. I w ill
m ake a list w ith food r eview s:
1. The best thing in the w or ld, I don?t know
how I lived w ithout it my w hole life:
Chocolate chip cookie dough ice cr eam .
That thing is aw esom e, just aw esom e (the
best ones I ate fr om Dippin?Dots, and Ben
and Jer r y?s). I like the chunks of cookie
dough that you find in the ice cr eam .
2. Bur ger s. Beef bur ger s, por k bur ger s even
chicken bur ger s, I?ve tr ied them all, but my
favor ite is the beef one, fir st tim e i w as like:
?oh w ow this is a w ar m beef sandw ich?, but
the taste of the m eat w as aw esom e, I?d eat
them alm ost ever yday.
3. Hot Dogs. I had my fir st hotdog at the
cam p r ecently and it w as OK, not my
favor ite, but ok .
4. Pizza. Your pizza is differ ent than in the
r est of the w or ld, I m ean your pizzas
alm ost all taste the sam e, hom e and in
other par ts of Eur ope, it depends on the
r estaur ant, the chef, the w eather , the day of
the w eek and the year that you ar e r ecently
in. I m ean, you can go at the sam e place
today and eat pizza and you r etur n next
w eek and the pizza has differ ent taste like
w hy? Also, your pizza is r eally good and I
w as in Italy and ate pizza and lasagna all
day.
5. Popsicle. I know , you?ll say ?M ar ia how is
possible that you have never had a popsicle
befor e cam p!? Well, I didn?t, but now that I
know how it tastes, I think it is ver y good
(my favor ite is the banana one: ver y good).
6. Am er ican chicken nuggets?? Yeah, I had
chicken nuggets befor e, w ho didn?t?
Ever ybody likes chicken nuggets, but
am er ican ones taste a bit differ ent than our
nuggets. Though, both of them ar e good.
If you have any of these and you ar e
w illing to shar e, I w ill happily gain m or e
w eight and r uin my six pack star t.
How t o Bak e a Cak e! ! !
By Piper New m an
Hello, cam per s; today I?m going to tell you how to bake
a cake! You w ill need the follow ing item s:
. Eggs !!!
. M ilk !!!
. butter !!!
. cocoa pow der / vanilla !!!
. w her e?s the sugar par t alr eady?
. flour !!!
. Sugar !!!
. speaker , SONGS ( for you) !!!
. coke (Also for you) !!!
Now that you have your m ater ials, let?s star t baking!
Put the cake in the oven for 25 m inutes. By the w ay it's
not my fault if I got the tem per atur e w r ong and your
cake bur ns. Weeeellll it kind of is my fault, but never
m ind that. Hehe. Okay now get the cake out of the
oven! Ssssss. OOOOW W W W W ! Ohhh sor r y, Bob! Did I
m ention to put on cooking gloves befor e you take it
out of the oven? Next, put ON THE fr osting. And yes,
you can eat a little bit of it, just don?t let your m om see
or else you?ll be eating cold dinner for the r est of your
days. Then, I don?t know about you, but I like spr inkles
on my cake! Now you have your cake. Do m e a favor
after all our har d w or k, don?t let your sister have any!
5 Food Hack s
Lily Br inkm an
1) If you ever feel like cooking but think you don't
have the r ight ingr edients, go to the w ebsite
w w w.super cook .com and it fill in the ingr edients you
have at hom e and it w ill give you incr edible r ecipes to
follow. You can also nar r ow it dow n to the cuisine you
w ant to eat and the key ingr edient you w ant to use.
2) Fr eeze gum my bear s w ith spr ite in a popsicle m old
and let it fr eeze over night. In the m or ning you w ill
have a delicious and sw eet desser t.
2) Blow up w ater balloons w ith air and dip them in
m elted chocolate or a m elted candy of your choice. Put
them on par chm ent paper and let them cool dow n in
the fr idge for a few hour s. Fill them up w ith fr uit of
ice cr eam .
4) If you need to cut up cher r y tom atoes or gr apes in
half take 2 plates and put the cher r y tom atoes or
gr apes in betw een. Use a knife to go in betw een the 2
plates and voila.
5) M ake pancake ar t by putting plain pancake batter
into condim ent bottles. Dye it w ith food dye and dr aw
w hat you desir e on the skillet. M ake sur e you butter
the pan so you do not r uin your ar t w hen flipping the
pancake.
 Ar e YOU Bor i n g? Rai n bow M u st ach e
By Kaia Robinson Adv i ce #5

1. W hat is your favor ite clothing Hi Cam per s! I have

ar ticle? gotten a lot of
A. A cozy sw eatshir t fr om Br andy questions so her e w e
M elville ar e!
B. A Patr iots jer sey
C. Som e cat socks Q. Could a
D. Cr ocs watermelon grow a
mustache?
2. W hat do you do after cam p? A. As long as it is
Qu izzes A. Binge w atch Gossip Gir l and r ainbow , sur e!
Gr ey?s Anatomy
& Advice Colu m n s B. Play video gam es Q. I know who you
C. Eat are!
Ar e you a Dog? Or a Cat ? Or a
D. Look at m em es A. um m m m m ...he he
M on k ey?
he? Hi?
By Ottavia Lodovico
3. W ho is your favor ite YouTube
Channel? Q. How do I be
W hat is your favorite thing to do? awesome!!!!?
A. BuzzFeed
A: Sleep A. YOU GROW A
B. RiceGum
B: Play RAINBOW
C. Liza Koshy
C: RUN!!! M USTACHE!!!!!!!!!
D. Sar ah Baska
PEOPLE SHOULD
W hat do you like to eat? KNOW THIS
4. W hat?s your favor ite br and?
A: M ushy stuff STUFF!!!!
A. Br andy M elville (hm u for
B: Har d food
m odelling contr acts)
C: Bananas Q. W ho are you?
B. Supr em e
C. Any br and that has to do w ith (even though I know)
W hat shoes do you wear? A. YOU GUYS ARE
unicor ns
A: Flats CREEPY STALKERS!
D. Cr ocs
B: Flip flops
C: Sneaker s Q. W hat is your
5. W hat do you do dur ing Festival
Per iod? favorite color?
W hat phone case do you have? A. I don?t have one. I
A. Chill on my phone
A: A pink one am too busy
B. Play Wall Ball
B: A blue one obsessing over
C. Play at the playgr ound
C: A yellow one r ainbow m ustaches!
D. Do the m ost r andom festival
offer ing
W hat facial expression do you Q. Do you agree with
have mostly? my sentence?
If you got?
A: A gr um py sleepy face ?M ustache?
M ostly A?s - You ar e the basic kind of
B: A happy sm ile A. YOU SHOULD ADD
bor ing. You?r e into w hatever ?s hot,
C: A sm ir k on your face RAINBOW TO THE
and could pr obably talk som eone to
sleep about Ugg boots and BEGINNING!!!
If you got m ostly A?s you?r e a
Star bucks.
Cat! Q. Do you have a
M ostly B?s - You ar e a bor ing br o. No
You?r e calm , but som etim es in a secret obsession?
one w ants to hear about your
bad m ood for no r eason. A. shhhhhh I have a
Bathing Ape hoodie.
If you got m ostly B?s you?r e a secr et obsession w ith
M ostly C?s - You ar en?t exactly
dog! You?r e kind and ver y r ainbow poop em ojis
bor ing, but you?r e so full of ener gy,
talkative. w ith cr ow ns!
you can w ear people out at the snap
If you got m ostly C?s you?r e a
of a finger.
m onkey! You?r e hyper , and kind, Thanks for the
M ostly D?s - Congr ats! You ar en?t
and a little naughty. questions!
bor ing! People love to be ar ound
Thanks for taking my quiz!
you!
W h i ch Gor don Gi r l Ar e You ?
By The Gor don Gir ls

Let?s begin with the most important question.

Do you like John Cougar M ellencamp?
A. Yes, he is the m eaning of Am er ica!
B. I r eally hate him .
C. I don?t r eally like him that m uch?
D. W ho?s that?

Next question. W ho is your favorite actor?

A. Jack Nicholson. Duh!
B. Benedict Cum ber batch, long live the
Cum ber Collective!
C. M ichael Shannon, I saw him in a play
once.
D. Pauly Shor e, w hat a com edy genius!

Now, W hat?s your favorite TV Show? Cats or Dogs?

A. Cr im inal M inds A. Cats, obviously
B. Glee B. Both
C. The Unbr eakable Kim my Schm idt C. Cats to ow n, dogs to play w ith
D. Golf D. Daw gs, like my br os

W ho?s your favorite musical artist? W hat is your favorite number?

A. Chance The Rapper A. 8
B. Panic! At the Disco B. 13
C. Elvis Costello C. 7
D. Jim my Buffett D. None of these

W hat is your favorite color? W hat?s your style?

A. Gold A. Retr o
B. Red B. M y style sucks.
C. Pur ple C. Nantucket Nectar s
D. Gr een D. Jim my Buffett shir ts

Here is a very important question: W hat is Lastly, where do you see yourself in 10 years?
your favorite movie? A. Wor ld r enow ned scr eenw r iter
A. The Shining B. Gr aduating College
B. Spir ited Aw ay C. Beloved, eccentr ic Daily Double editor
C. The Gr and Budapest Hotel D. An executive of a com pany
D. Jur y Duty/The Room , I sur e love Tom my
W iseau. If you got m ostly A?s, you ar e Gr ace. You enjoy the old
side of cultur e, have a dr y sense of hum or , and you
M oving on, what is your favorite food? appr eciate the sm all things in life.
A. Ice Cr eam If you got m ostly B?s, you ar e M ia. You have a big
B. Skittles per sonality, and you love to laugh. You love to act,
C. Sam osas too!
D. Chicken If you got m ostly C?s, you got ever yone?s favor ite
Gor don Gir l, Walker ! You ar e tr uly an enigm a. The
W hat do you do in your free time? Daily Double is pr actically your life and no one can
A. I w r ite A LOT top your funny stor ies.
B. I r ead quite a bit If you got m ostly D?s, you?r e Zac. You love to br o out
C. W hat fr ee tim e? w ith your lads. You enjoy chicken, Jim my Buffett,
D. I br o out. Y?know , just hang out w ith the and Gam e Of Thr ones.
lads If you got a m ix, then you?r e Bennie, the fam ily
cavalier. He?s cool, I guess.
HATE COLUM N #3 M Y FI RST PERSONALI TY QUI Z
By Ar iel Reinstein By Jacob Gr assi

How dy. The last one w as just so m uch fun, I just had I?ve noticed ther e ar e a lot of
to m ake another. per sonality quizzes in the Daily
Double. Like, a lot a lot of them . And
1. Spoiled milk I figur ed that at som e point, in or der
Once, I w as playing the Beanboozled jelly bean gam e to stay r elevant as a Daily Double
and got the spoiled m ilk jelly bean. I think that that content cr eator , I w ould have to join
w as the day I died inside. I hate cur dled m ilk . The in on the tr end. So her e is my fir st
w ay it looks, the w ay it sm ells, the w ay it tastes. per sonality quiz. I hope you like it.
Ther e?s alr eady so m uch w r ong w ith how m uch * ahem *
m or e accustom ed w e ar e to cow m ilk than actual
hum an br east m ilk, but w hen the anim al bypr oduct W hat is your name?
that w e consum e r ots, that?s beyond disgusting. A. Sir Lancelot of Cam elot.
B. Sir Robin of Cam elot.
2. Fidget Spinners C. Sir Galahad of Cam elot.
I knew it w ould com e to this. You guys ar e m aking D. Ar thur , King of the Br itians.
r anting w ay too easy. I m ean, c?m on. I w ould like
fidget spinner s if they did the task they w er e set out W hat is your quest?
to do. Aid childr en w ith attention deficit disor der. It A. To seek the Holy Gr ail.
tur ns out that the spinner s ar e actually a distr action, B. To seek the Holy Gr ail.
and so the vir us spr ead. It?s inter esting how little C. I seek the Gr ail.
effor t it takes to enter tain hum ans now adays. D.To seek the Holy Gr ail.

3.. W hy are you existent? How did this column come [You may answer just one of the
to be? :) following three questions.]
Did you subm it to the w r ong colum n? Because I
don?t nor m ally answ er questions. I w as just bor ed W hat is your favorite color?
and thought it w ould be cool to m ake a colum n that A. Blue
w asn?t for bad advice. Ther e ar e w ay too m any of C. Blue! No! Yellow !
those. I m ean, how m any advice colum ns does one
place need? It?s alm ost an excuse not to w r ite a W hat is the capital of Assyria?
detailed ar ticle. Ther e only needs to be one, m aybe B. I don?t know that!
tw o.
W hat is the airspeed velocity of an
4. Happiness haha lol hehe :) unladen swallow?
Stop laughing. You ar en?t that funny. Happiness isn?t D. W hat do you m ean? An Afr ican
a bad thing if you save it for the r ight tim es. Don?t or Eur opean sw allow ?
expect people to be happy w hen you ar e, either. Just
because you?ve found som ething to sm ile about If you answ er ed m ostly?
doesn?t m ean I have. A?s, you ar e safe to cr oss the Br idge
of Death.
5. Cats [Did two people submit this or did somebody B?s, you ar e cast into the Gor ge of
submit this twice?] Eter nal Per il.
Befor e I star t, I just w ant to tell the per son w ho C?s, you ar e cast into the Gor ge of
subm itted this that I know w ho you ar e. I knew that Eter nal Per il.
you w er e going to use my colum n against m e, but D?s, you ar e safe to cr oss the Br idge
w hat you do not r ealize is that it?s my colum n, and I of Death, and the Br idgekeeper is
m ake the r ules. Sur e, cats ar e m alicious hellbeasts cast into the Gor ge of Eter nal Per il.
cover ed in fur , but they ar e ador able, r espectable So that w as my fir st per sonality
cr eatur es. quiz. I hope you liked it.

Listen, subm it because I w ill get to all of them

(unless I lose one). These ar e fun. They br ing m e joy
and br ing you som ething to think about.
SOM E M ORE QUESTI ONS Wou l d Don al d Tr u m p Li k e W h at ?s You r
By Calvin Kocher & Stephen Fitzpatr ick You ? Tal en t ?
By Gr ace Gor don By Fr eya Deyo
How do I make friends? (edited by Kier a)
Fir st, you need to find a viable per son to Let?s begin with a simple
be a fr iend. Look for som eone w ho looks question: Do you like winning? Hello cam per s! This
w eak and feeble and can be easily taken A. Yes quiz w ill tell you
advantage of on a physical plane. Once B. No, w inning is ter r ible w hat your talent is!
this per son is selected, w hat you need to
do to m ake the per son your fr iend is to Now, another question: If you W hat do your friends
establish dom inance. Follow in the were to give someone something, think of you?
footsteps of our gr eat ancestor s, the what would it be? A. Happy,
cavem en. Next, take over their cave by A. A sm all loan of a m illion Enter taining, Funny
for ce. I suggest blood cur dling scr eam s dollar s, ther e is no question. B. Helpful, Cr eative,
and beating clubs on the gr ound. Once B. A w elcom ing space for that Nice
they fear you, you have to take per son to expr ess their liber al C. Fun, Com plicating,
ever ything they have. Then, you kidnap view s, duh! Loyal
them . Now this is the tr icky par t. After 3
m onths of your ?fr iend? being In your free time, you: W hat do you do for
kidnapped, you?ll w ant to let them go. If A. Golf, w r ite on Tw itter , and fun?
you did these steps cor r ectly, the per son m ake the Dem ocr atic m em ber s A. Act out your
you kidnapped w ill be so gr ateful that of gover nm ent?s lives a living favor ite par t of your
they w er e r eleased that they w ill be your Hell. favor ite m ovie
new fr iend. B. Accept ever yone for w ho they B. Dr aw
ar e, of cour se. C. Tur n on the r adio
How can you mend a broken heart? and sing along
The best w ay to m end a br oken hear t is On to a more pressing matter: Is
at the sour ce, the hear t. You w ill need to America Great? W hat do you do at
sur gically r em ove this or gan. Now , you?ll A. Absolutely not, in fact w e parties?
w ant to m ove the hear t into a fr eezer for need to br ing back said A. Put on a play w ith
stor age w hile you pr epar e the oper ating Gr eatness. your fr iends
r oom . You w ill need a couple of plastic B. I w ould say so. B. Decor ate the
knives fr om the cafeter ia, along w ith a house you?r e at
lot of napkins (a lot of napkins). W ith Do you like walls? C. Sing
technology advancing ever yday, w e ar e A. W hy yes, I especially enjoy
lucky to be able to physically m end this them if they fit the cr iter ia of W hat is your favorite
br oken hear t. Step one, cut into the left tr em endous and huge. color?
atr ium . Look ar ound and find a the B. No, I do not like w alls, unless A. Yellow
br oken par t of the hear t. (If it isn?t in the they ar e holding up my house. B. Blue
left atr ium , check the r ight atr ium ). Next, C. Br ow n- Black
you?ll w ant to inject r elative anesthesia Lastly, how do you express
into the par t you w ill be fixing. Use one emotion? W hat type of music
of the plastic knives to cut that par t of the A. By passing executive or der s to do you like?
hear t out and use sutur es to attach a r od unleash covfefe on all liber als. A. Classic
to the hear t. Now , w ait until the hear t B. Yes, and I often stop to pet B. Relaxing m usic
looks r eady to go into debr idem ent. puppies on the str eet. C. Any type of m usic!
Debr ide the tissues of the hear t and put it
back into the fr eezer (or r efr iger ator ). If you got m ostly A?s : You could If you got m ostly?
Place the hear t back into your body. Be be Donald?s Golfing Buddy for A?s, you?r e an
car eful that you don?t put your hear t the r est of your life! actr ess!
inside your lung. Once your hear t is back If you got m ostly B?s : Donald B?s, you?r e an ar tist!
in, you w ill be in a com a for 12 m onths Tr um p w ill pass m any executive C?s, you?r e a
and pr obably w ake up to a zom bie or der s in or der to r uin your life, m usician!
apocalypse. But hey! At least your hear t sor r y about that. I guess you just
w on?t be br oken. ar en?t m aking Am er ica gr eat
enough for him .
W h i ch Doct or Ar e You ? Q: W hat is would you do in Q: W hat?s your favorite color?
(as of 2017) your free time? A. Yellow
By Doctor W ho A. Venusian Aikido B. Red
B. Playing the Spoons C. Gold
Q: W hat is your favorite C. Doing hypnosis w ith my D. Indigo
food? r ing E. Black
A. Lim es D. Pr edicting the futur e F. Gr een
B. Any thing but a pear. E. Stepping thr ough a G. Any color that a bow tie
C. M eh spinning fan com es w ith
D. N/A F. Playing Cr icket H. Rainbow
E. Tea G. Playing Football I. Chalky Blonde
F. Celer y (Soccer ) J. Dar k Color s
G. Fish Finger s and H. Reading poetr y K. Br ow n
Custar d I. Being scottish L. No M or e Color s
H. Anything but Car r ot J. Yo-Yo tr icks M . Woodish color s
Juice! K. Tasting things.
I. I don?t know L. Stoping Daleks Q: W hat is your favorite thing
J. Jelly Babies M . Playing the r ecor der to do?
K. Bananas N: M ake a key appear in A. Ride Bessy
L. I like a lot of foods my hand B. Dangle off of the side of a
M: ? building
N: Next year Q: W hat do you say a lot? C. Be in my Tar dis
A. Did I ever tell you about D. Tr y not to join the tim e
Q: How old are you? the tim e... w ar
A. 748 Year s Old B. Nothing again. E. Be on platfor m one.
B. 953 Year s Old C. Hm m n. Hm m n. Hm m n. F. Tr y to m ake the David
C. 236 Year s Old D W ho am I? tennant not m ar r y my
D. M aybe 1412 Year s Old E. FANTASTIC daughter
E. M aybe 902 Year s Old F. Br avehear t G. M eet myself
F. 813 Year s Old G. GERONIM O!!! H. Be in my TARDIS falling
G. 2100 Year s Old H. Got Nothing thr ough space
H. of 900 Year s Old I. Shut up. Shuttity shut I. Listen to r ock and r oll
I. 2000-and-som ething up. J. Fall off of a giant r adio
Year s Old J. Car e for a Jelly Baby tow er
J. 760 Year s Old K. Allons-y! K. Tr y to m ar r y Peter
K. 906 Year s Old L. No M or e Davison's daughter
L. 900 Year s Old M . W hen I say r un? L. Gallifr ey
M . 450 Year s Old N: I don't Know M . Wor k w ith UNIT
N: Old N: I don't Know
Q: W hat do you like to
Q: W hich name do you like wear? Q: W ho is your favorite actor?
the most? A. Ruffles A. Jon Per tw ee
A. Jo B. Question m ar ks. B. Sylvester M cCoy
B. Ace C. A m onical C. W illiam Har tnell
C. Susan D. Victor ian outfit D. Paul M cGann
D. Gr ace E. Lether E. Chr istopher Eccleston
E. Rose F. Celer y F. Peter Davison
F. Vislor G. Bow ties (bow ties ar e G. M att Sm ith
G. Amy cool) H. Colin Baker
H. M elanie H. Rainbow I. Peter Capaldi
I. Clar a I. Black and Red J. Tom Baker
J. Sar a J. A scar f K. David Tennant
K. K-9 K. Sand shoes L. John Hur t
L. N/A L. Weapons belt M . Patr ick Tr oughton
M . Jam ie M . A kilt N: Jodie W hittaker
N: I don't Know Yet N: a Hoody
Q: W hat is your favorite Q: W hat is your favorite If you chose m ostly A,, you?r e the
shape? material? 3r d Doctor , You'r e car ing and
A. Box A. Leather stuck on ear th.
B. Cir cle B. Silk
C. Squar e C. Glass If you chose m ostly B, you?r e the
D. Tr iangle D. Wood 7th Doctor , You'r e a Dar k per son
E. Cube E. Wool and car r y an um br ella ar ound.
F. Octagon F. Cer am ic
G. Pentagon G. Com posite m ater ial If you chose m ostly C, you?r e the
H. Star H. M etal 1st Doctor , You'r e gr um py and you
I. Diam ond I. M etam ater ial just stole a tim e m achine
J. Hear t J. Sem iconductor
K. Nonagon K. Polym er If you chose m ostly D, you?r e the
L. Decagon L. Br ick 8th Doctor , Your , Well W ho ar e
M . Oval M . Sand-Lim e br ick you.
N: I don't know N: I Don't Know
If you chose m ostly E, you?r e the
Q: W hat Is your favorite Q: How Clever are you? 9th Doctor , you'r e a tough guy.
animal? A: Ver y
A. Cat B: Ver y If you chose m ostly F, you?r e the
B. Dolphin C: Ver y 5th Doctor , You'r e sm ar t and love
C. Dino D: Ver y cr icket .
E. Pig E: Ver y
F. Cow F: Ver y If you chose m ostly G, you?r e the
G. Cheetah G: Ver y 11th Doctor , You Cool because you
H. Dog H: Ver y like bow ties, Bow ties ar e cool.
I. Cougar I: Ver y
J. Panda J: Ver y If you chose m ostly H, you?r e the
K. Fr og K: Ver y 6th Doctor , You'r e a color ful
L. Fish L: Ver y per son but som e tim e a jer k .
M . Reor der M : Ver y
N: I don't Know N: Ver y If you chose m ostly I, you?r e the
12th Doctor you got new kidneys.
Q: W hat is your favorite T.V
show? If you chose m ostly J, you?r e the
A. M oder n Fam ily 4th Doctor. You'r e Weir d and Have
B. Sponge Bob a scar f.
C. The Sim psons
D. Fam ily Guy If you chose m ostly K, you?r e the
E. House of Car ds 10th Doctor , your funny and
F. Tor chw ood Sm ar t and Aw esom e.
G. Sher lock
H. Teletubbies If you chose m ostly L, you?r e the
I. Veep War Doctor , you ar e a soldier and
J. Br itain's Got Talent w hat you do you do w ith out
K. Dog T.V. choice.
L. Gam e of Thr ones
M . Doctor W ho If you chose m ostly M , you?r e the
N: I don't Know 2nd Doctor , You'r e a clever clow n
and have a r ecor der.

If you chose m ostly N: you?r e the

13th Doctor , Your M yster ious and
like to w ear a hoodie.
AN I NCREDI BLY DI FFI CULT OFFI CE QUI Z 8. W hat is the last word of M ichael's
By Ben Dennison ?Goodbye Poem? for Pam?
A. Pam
This quiz is m eant to challenge you. I had to look B. Love
up the answ er s for som e of these, so they ar e in C. Sea
fact ver y, ver y har d. If you get at least 10 of the 14 D. Seagulls
cor r ect, you ar e a tr ue fan. Ther e ar en't any m ajor
spoiler s, but to get a 100%, you w ill need to have 9. W hat is the name of Creed?s Band?
seen ever y episode. If you get them all cor r ect, you A. He doesn?t have one
ar e better at gr ow ing beets than Dw ight is. B. The Gr assr oots
C. The M otor heads
1. W hat is M ichael?s middle name? D. Br occoli Raab and the C-Shar ps
A. Scar n
B. It?s unknow n 10. W here does Stanley retire to?
C. J. A. Kansas
D. Gar y B. Scr anton
C. The Car ibbean
2. How many wine glasses do Jan and M ichael have D. Flor ida
in Season 4?
A. 20 11. W hat happens to Toby in Costa Rica
B. 4 AND on which day does it happen?
C. 6 A. He falls off of a tr uck and cr acks his
D. 4 pelvis on the 9th day
B. He falls off of a Zipline and br eaks his
3. W ho said, ?you can buy new stuff but you can?t neck on the 3r d day
buy a new party? ? C. He falls off of a boat and his hand gets
A. Pam caught in the r udder on the 4th day
B. Jim D. He falls off of a Zipline and br eaks his
C. Jan neck on the 12th day
D. M ichael
12. W hat is Ryan?s Baby allergic to?
4. W hat is M ichael?s book called? A. Peanut Butter
A. ?Thr eat level: M idnight? B. Bananas
B. ?Som ehow I M anage? C. Apples
C. ?Hints Fr om the Desk of David Wallace? D. Str aw ber r ies
D. ?Running for Rabies?
13. How much does does Pam weigh?
5. W hat aisle is there a ?clean up? on? A. 226 lbs
A. 6 B. 137 lbs
B. 203 C. 126 lbs
C. 5 D. 144 lbs
D. 14
14. W hat is the name of the employee who
6. How many Nigerian princesses does M ichael was mentioned in the ?Suggestion Box??
support? A. Tim
A. 19 B. Tom
B. About 50 C. Tam my
C. About 20 D. Tam
D. All of them
ANSW ERS: 1.D, 2.B, 3.A, 4.C, 5.C, 6.C, 7.D,
7. How many times does M ichael say ?no? when he 8.B, 9.D, 10.B, 11.D, 12.C, 13.B, 14. B
finds out Toby is back?
A. 1
B. 17
C. 6
D. 23

Ar t s an d En t er t ain m en t
M y Opi n i on on t h e Gr eat Sn eak of Har r y
Pot t er : M ar i et t a Edgecom be
By Car oline Cole
Hello ever ybody! Yester day I w as
thr illed to see my Hufflepuff quiz be in pr int.
A step closer to the dr eam ! Thanks ever yone!
Today, in the spir it of Har r y Potter , I thought
I w ould w r ite about a char acter I have been
longing to defend, M ar ietta Edgecom be, or
the gr eat sneak .
In case any of you don?t r em em ber
M ar ietta, she w as a close fr iend of Cho Chang
w ho Cho for ced to be in Dum bledor e?s Ar my.
M ar ietta ended up blabbing to Um br idge,
w hich r esulted in her r eceiving scar s all over
her face that said ?Sneak?. To us, she seem s
like a pr etty fickle per son. Or at least
som eone to m ake fun of. But I don?t blam e
her at all for w hat she did.
To begin w ith, M ar ietta didn?t even w ant
to join Dum bledor e?s Ar my. She w as w or r ied
that if she w as found out, her m other , w ho
w or ked at the M inistr y in a high position,
w ould get in tr ouble. Do you blam e M ar ietta
for this? Her m other m ay be the only sour ce
of incom e for the Edgecom be fam ily, and
M r s. Edgecom be losing her job could land
the fam ily in ser ious financial tr ouble. Also,
M ar ietta m ade it ver y clear that she didn?t
w ant to be in Dum bledor e?s Ar my, it w as like
being disloyal to her m om . And honestly, if
you had to choose betw een a club you never
w anted to be in and your fam ily, w hat w ould
you choose? I w ould choose my fam ily.
Well, ther e you have it. That is w hy I
don?t blam e M ar ietta Edgecom be for doing
w hat she did, despite my love for the DA. I
m ay not have convinced all of you, but I
convinced myself. Have a fantastic day!
I n t er est i n g Boar d Gam es
By Raluca
I?ve been playing lots of boar d gam es lately and I
thought this w ould be a r eally good them e to talk
about. This list is only based on my pr efer ences. If
you don?t agr ee, then oh w ell, too bad? So let?s star t:
1. Apples to Apples: This is pr obably one of my
favor ite car d gam es. All the player s get five r ed
car ds w ith r eally differ ent things w r itten on them .
For exam ple, you can get a car d that says M ar tha
Stew ar t or vam pir es or eating an apple. Then,
som ebody places a gr een car d on the table. The
gr een car ds have adjectives w r itten on them . The
point of the gam e is to m atch one of your r ed car ds
to the gr een car d that is placed in the m iddle of the
table and cr eate the funniest com bination. The
sillier , the better ! You w in if you have the m ost
gr een car ds at the end of the gam e!
2. Clue: This gam e is m or e fun w hen ther e ar e m or e
player s. It is a classic ?m ur der ing? gam e that w ill
m ake you feel like Sher lock Holm es for the next 15
m inutes. Six char acter s ar e on a vacation in a
m ansion and all of a sudden the ow ner of the
m ansion is killed. The point of the gam e is to find
out the m ur der er , his w eapon and the r oom w her e
he did it. At the beginning of the gam e the player s
choose thr ee car ds w ithout looking at them , the
car ds being the final answ er. Thr oughout the gam e,
you have to m ove your ?char acter ? fr om r oom to
r oom and m ake a guess (like: I think this char acter
did it, w ith this w eapon, in this r oom ). Each tim e
you m ake a guess, the player on your left m ust show
you one of the car ds w ith the things you m entioned.
The last guess is the m ost im por tant: if you get it
r ight, you w in BUT if you get it w r ong, you ar e
elim inated.
3. Battleship: This is a r eally challenging gam e that
w ill incr ease your str ategy skills and your
intelligence as w ell. Also, I should add the fact that
this gam e is based on a lot of luck too. At the
beginning of the gam e you have to place your ships
as w ell as you can so that the ?enemy? w ill not find
them . After that, you w ill star t guessing w her e the
other player ?s ships ar e. W henever you hit one you
w ill m ar k that spot w ith r ed and w hen you m iss you
w ill m ar k that spot w ith w hite. Sam e for your ow n
ships. The fir st one to destr oy the other ?s ships w ins!
I feel like now adays, nobody appr eciates boar d
gam es that m uch, but I r eally think you should give
them a chance. They can be a lot of fun.
Book s! W h o?s t h e St r on gest ?
By Hazel Bar zilay By Eli Gr assi

Alr ight, I know that w hen I talk about books in
the sum m er people ar e all like ?Reading in the
sum m er ?? or ?No w ay. No school, no books!? But
the tr uth is that r eading is gr eat to do in the
sum m er ! And no, I am not tr ying to sound like a
teacher ! Ther e ar e so m any books out ther e that
you can pr obably find at least one that you like!
Her e is a list of som e of my r ecom m endations!
The W itch of Blackbird Pond by Elizabeth Geor ge
Spear e ? Fr om the m om ent sixteen-year -old Kit
Tyler steps on the shor es of Connecticut in 1687,
ever ything in her life changed. She w as for ced
to leave her hom elands of Bar bados to join
fam ily she had never m et. Kit str uggles w ith
lear ning the w ay of her new life. She is about to
lose hope w hen ? she m eets Hannah Tupper.
This is a good book for people w ho like
Histor ical Fiction and books w her e people have
to go thr ough a lot of change!
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by J.K.
Row ling ? Har r y Potter is an or dinar y boy, or at
least he thinks he is. Har r y lives w ith his aunt,
uncle, and cousin Dudley because his par ents
died in a car cr ash. He lives in a tiny cabinet
under the stair s full of dust and spider s. They do
not celebr ate Har r y?s bir thday or give him
pr esents and that is that. Until they find out that
Har r y ? is a w izar d. You w ould like this book if
you like Fantasy and books about w izar dr y!
Note: This book is in a ser ies of seven books.
Hi, I'm Eli, and I'm her e to tr y and find w hat the
m ost pow er ful Pokem on is accor ding the their
Pokedex entr ies, not their in-gam e abilities. The
fir st Pokem on I looked at w as Yveltal. The
r eason I thought of him w as because w hen he
dies, it's stated that he dr ains the life of
ever ything to tur n into a cocoon and live once
again. I decided to r ule him out because this
m eans that he could lose a fight and die, or else
this ability w ouldn't exist, and if it w as a 1v1, he
w ouldn't have enough life ener gy to m ake his
cocoon. The next Pokem on I looked at w as
M agcar go. It is stated that he r adiates about
18000 degr ees fahr enheit, or enough heat to kill
you just by getting close to him . I decided to r ule
him out because som e Pokem on, like Gr oudon
and other fir e types, m ight be able to sur vive the
im m ense heat. The next pokem on I looked at is
Ar ceus. He is stated to be the god of all
Pokem on, w ho cr eated the ear th and other
r ealm s. I r uled him out because in the anim e, he
is show n to be beaten by som e lightning
Pokem on and m olten silver. You m ight be saying
this doesn't count if you've seen the m ovie
because he w as m issing his plates that m ake
him im m une to lightning, dr agon, ear th, w ater ,
and gr ass, but these ar e obviously item s that can
be r em oved, so they don't count as par t of the
Pokem on. Sor r y, no item s! So then I found the
last Pokem on I w as going to test, and he w as a
w inner , Bidoof. Ther e need not be any m or e
explaining.

The War That Saved M y Life by Kim ber ly Br ubaker Br adley ? Ten-year -old Ada has never left her one
r oom apar tm ent. Her m other is too em bar r assed of Ada?s tw isted foot to let her outside. So w hen Ada?s
little br other Jam ie gets shipped out of London to seek shelter fr om the w ar , Ada is r eady to sneak and
join him . A new adventur e begins for Ada and Jam ie as they escape the w ar. This is a good book for
people w ho like Histor ical Fiction, Sad books, and adventur e!
Note: Ther e is a sequel to this book com ing out in October called ?The War I Finally Won?

The Running Dream by Wendelin Van Dr aanen ? W hen Jessica loses a leg in a car accident she loses all
hope of becom ing a pr ofessional r unner. Her spir its r ise w hen she r ealizes she can get a pr osthetic leg,
but does not stay like that w hen she figur es out that w ill only help her w alk and not r un. W ill Jessica
ever r un again? This is a good book for people w ho like Realistic Fiction!

Roller Girl by Victor ia Jam ieson ? For her w hole life Astr id has done ever ything w ith her fr iend,
Nicole, until now. But w hen Astr id signs up for the Junior Roller Der by Cam p, Nicole does not join w ith
her. Instead she goes to ballet cam p w ith Astr id?s Ar ch Nem esis, Rachel. As Astr id?s fir st m ini bout r olls
ar ound she needs to face her fear and be a r oller gir l. This is a good book for people w ho enjoy Gr aphic
Novels and Realistic Fiction! Note: This book is a gr aphic novel.

Thank for r eading (get it?) my ar ticle and r em em ber to r ead!

Spook y Favor i t es
By Nina Kahn

Hey, pals! This w eek?s Super Fr iday them e over at the Daily
Double is the unexplained and the super natur al, so I?m
gonna shar e som e of my favor ite spooky or super natur al
show s/m ovies/etc. Enjoy!

1. Lor e: I found this podcast one fateful night in 2015, and

even 2 year s later I still love it. If you love things like ghosts,
cr yptids, or Buzzfeed Unsolved, this is the podcast for you.
The show ?s cr eator , Aar on M ahnke, sits dow n and just talks
about cr eepy cases, both gr ounded in r eality and the
unknow n. M y favor ite episodes ar e They M ade a Tonic, A
Devil on the Roof, Steam & Gas, The Other s, Over the Top,
and On the Far m .

2. The Br ight Sessions: Another super natur al podcast her e,

but not in the hor r or genr e like Lor e. As I?m w r iting this, I?ll
adm it, I?m a little behind on the episodes. This stor y follow s
a ther apist and her appointm ents w ith her patients, but
ther e?s a tw ist: all of her patients have a super pow er. As the
stor y pr ogr esses, the patients?lives begin to connect
together. That?s about as m uch as I can say w ithout spoiler s,
but go listen to it!

3. Pan?s Labyr inth: W hat. A. M OVIE. This is a tr ue

exper ience. If you don?t like hor r or m ovies, but still like a
bit of scar iness, this is the r ight one to go to. It?s
undoubtedly fr ightening at tim es, but not anything like Saw
or The Exor cist. Pan?s Labyr inth is the stor y of a young gir l
nam ed Ofelia w ho, w ith her m other , m oves in w ith a w ar
captain w ho is her new stepfather. How ever , ther e seem to
be som e spooky for ces at w or k . Featur ing gor geous special
effects, am azing acting, and a m oving stor yline, this m ovie
is a m ust-see. It?s one of my all-tim e favor ites.

4. Str anger Things: I?ve talked about this show too m uch, but that?s not gonna stop m e fr om
r ecom m ending it again. Just w atch it. It?s so good.

5. The Booth at the End: Let m e pr eface this by saying I have no idea w her e you can w atch this show
anym or e. I w atched it on Hulu but I believe it?s been r em oved, so...sor r y. Anyw ay, this show is SO
GOOD. It follow s a bunch of people com ing to a str ange m an w ho sits in a booth at a dinner. Each
per son desir es som ething, and the m an tells them w hat they have to do to achieve their goal. The tasks
r ange fr om little things to com m itting m assive cr im es. Over tim e, w e see the char acter s?stor ies
inter tw ine, som etim es r esulting w ell, som etim es ver y badly. It?s a r eally gr eat, under r ated show.

6. Ghost Quar tet: This song cycle/m usical w r itten by Gr eat Com et com poser Dave M alloy tells the stor y
of four souls acr oss four differ ent tim elines, and how one of the souls uses the tim elines to exact
r evenge against those w ho have w r onged her. You definitely need to listen to it a few tim es to gr asp the
plot, but it?s w or th it. Not only is it extr em ely confusing, it?s br illiant. The m usic is classic Dave M alloy
w eir dness, the lyr ics ar e poetic, and of cour se, the show featur es som e inhum an scr eeching thanks to
Gelsey Bell. Ghost Quar tet is just the coolest.
Th e Pr et t y Li t t l e Li ar s: An I n -Dept h Di scu ssi on
* SPOI LER ALERT*
By lily br inkm An and w Alker Ander son
LB: I have been w aiting for Walker to w atch the PLL
finale so w e could finally w r ite an ar ticle about it
and? the tim e has com e for m e and Walker to w r ite
this ar ticle. We w ill be cover ing w hat w e liked and
disliked about the finale, How pr edictable som e
par ts w er e, and m uch m or e.
WA: Fir st of all, congr ats to you, Lily, for your
excellent pr edictions about A.D. You called it! I am
thr illed to talk w ith you about PLL, a ver y stupid
show that I never theless loved. So, about this final
episode: it felt w eir d, par ticular ly since the
em phasis w as so heavily on som e char acter s over
other s. The thing that m ade m e happiest w as seeing
M ona on top, keeping the other lesser villains in her
hip Par isian dollhouse. I have alw ays found her the
m ost com plex, fun, w ell-acted, inter esting char acter ,
even m or e so than the so-called ?leads? of the show ,
so I loved that w e ended on a m om ent r em inding us
that she is and alw ays w ill be the boss. I also liked
the A.D. r eveal, since Spencer is the best liar
(contr over sial statem ent?) and it gave her lots to do.
Ther e w er e som e bad choices by the w r iter s,
though, par ticular ly m aking Ezr a and Ar ia?s
w edding so im por tant, since their r elationship is
deeply distur bing and it?s str ange that the show
w ants us to r oot for them . I also have to thr ow som e
shade at Tr oian Bellisar io?s ?Br itish? accent, w hich
sounded like som eone auditioning to play a
chim ney sw eep in M ar y Poppins w hile suffer ing
fr om a m ild-to-m oder ate concussion. W hat w er e
your favor ite and least favor ite par ts of the finale?
LB: One of my favor ite par ts w as the m ask dilem m a.
Fir st w hen A.D.?s helper w as r evealed w e thought it
w as A.D. It could have m ade sense that M elissa w as
A.D. so I w asn?t exactly m ad. Then ?M elissa?w ent
into the w oods and took off her m ask . M ona w as
A.D. I w as quite m ad about this because M ona w as
the or iginal A. Skip to the next scene and M ona is on
a phone call w ith A.D. and all I can think is that
hm m I could still be r ight about the tw in theor y. The
r ehear sal dinner happens for Ezr ia?s w edding.
Spencer gets kidnapped and Alex takes her place.
Now my favor ite scene com es. Alex is at the hor se
far m taking car e of the hor se that loves Spencer.
Toby com es to the far m to visit Spencer. The hor se
does not r ecognize Alex and Toby picks up on this.
He know s that spencer and her hor se ar e ver y close
so he star ts to think som ething is up w ith fake
Spencer (Alex). Som ething that I liked a lot w as the
scene w hen Addison at the sleepover is m issing. I
like this scene a lot because it gives potential for a
spinoff to be m ade. One scene that I r eally didn?t
like w as the scene at Ezr ia?s r ehear sal dinner w hich
had Em ily talking to Addison?s fr iends. Em ily m ade
this com pletely aw kw ar d for them because they
w er e just doing their job by w or king at the
r ehear sal dinner. Walker , w hat did you think of
A.D.?s char acter ?
WA: I though A.D. w as a pr etty good char acter. I w as
m or e satisfied by that r eveal than I w ould have
been if it w as like, Lucas or som ething stupid like
that. Agr eed that Addison and her fr iends w as a
dum b addition that w e did not need. I don?t need to
feel like Rosew ood?s dr am a, hijinks, and w oefully
incom petent policing w ill continue on into a futur e
gener ation. Her e?s my question ? w her e w as my
favor ite char acter , the psychic (?) old lady w ho
som etim es show s up to give spooky pr ophecies?
They had tim e for Addison and not psychic old lady?
Oh, and my favor ite m om ent m ight have been the
?w ine m om s? r eunion, calling back to one of my
all-tim e favor ite episodes w hen they got stuck in a
basem ent. W hich char acter s do you think they
should have br ought back, but didn?t?
LB: I do agr ee that the tim e consum ed w ith Addison
in this episode could have been used to m ake the
plot m or e inter esting instead of focusing on stuff to
close the full cir cle. One char acter that I w ish had
been br ought back in the PLL season finale is Jason.
I w ould w ant him in the finale because I w anted
him to help Alison w ith the tw ins Lily (!!!) and
Gr ace. He is a nice br other and he hasn?t r eally been
a par t of Alison?s life. He is a gr eat char acter but one
thing that I definitely w ouldn?t w ant to happen is
that Ar ia cheats on Ezr a like she has done in the
past w ith Jason. I still r eally w ant to know w hether
Alex m ade Toby and Yvonne?s car cr ash to kill
Yvonne and have Toby to her self. W hat myster ies do
you think should have been answ er ed in the finale?
WA: Agr eed! Jason w as a good char acter and it w as
w eir d that he never cam e back to get r esolved. M ost
myster ies w er e solved satisfactor ily, though the
biggest myster ies of all (W hy ther e ar e no
sane/r esponsible adults in all of Rosew ood? W hy do
the liar s alw ays agr ee to m eetings in the m iddle of
the night at abandoned doll factor ies, haunted pet
cem eter ies, condem ned Victor ian schoolhouses,
etc.?) m ay have no answ er. It's not about the
jour ney ? it's about the destinAtion. Okay: final
thoughts. Sum up how you feel about PLL in one
sentence.
LB: w Alker , I don?t think that?s possible but her e it
goes. PLL is the m ost addicting show ther e is so I am
sad that it is ended but I am happy because I w as
r ight w ith my theor y and the ending w as ver y
inter esting. ? r un on sentence. Hopefully a spinoff
w ill be m ade but until then: Bon Voyage Pr etty Little
Liar s. I?ll m iss you Ashley, Tr oian, Lucy, Shay, and
Alison.
WA: And M ona!!!! Especially M ona. Thanks for
discussing this silly show w ith m e. I guess w e need
to get into "River dale" now to fill our tim e...
W hy Bi doof I s Th e Tr u e God W HAT TO WATCH ON NETFLI X
By Eli Gr assi By Colin Walsh

Gr eetings. M y nam e is Eli, and I'm her e w ith I'll be m aking r ecom m endations for show s I
Geffr ey to tell you w hy Bidoof is the tr ue god. think should be w atched. I?ll go thr ough
If you don't know , bidoof is a gen 4 Pokem on that car toons and T.V. for all ages.
has the pow er to bend tim e and space, and alter
r eality. Bidoof chooses to appear as a w eak beaver AGES 8-10: Phineas and Fer b, Star War s: The
Pokem on (people r idiculously believe this), so Clone War s, and Johnny Test.
people don't notice him as he shapes the w or ld.
Due to his im m ense pow er , Bidoof had to split AGES 11-13: This age gr oup could star t to
him self up into thousands of the w eak beaver s w atch adult show s and dr am as w hile still
because they needed to be w eak, and he w as not. loving car toons. I suggest Gr ey's Anatomy,
Now , som e people believe the Lam m a God, Ar ceus Haw aii Five-O, Br ain Gam es, Fam ily Guy,
is the tr ue one, but this is only half tr ue. As Bidoof Am er ican Dad, and The Cleveland Show.
is thousands of w eak beaver s, it uses Ar ceus as a
fr ont to use his pow er even though Ar ceus is still ALL AGES: M oana, The Water boy, Hotel
only a fr action of Bidoof. This is pr oven by how Tr ansylvania 2, The Benchw ar m er s, Zootopia,
both of their shiny for m s ar e gold, a god-like color. Tr olls, M inions, Alice and Wonder land
If you have no life, you w ill spend hour s tr ying to Thr ough the Looking Glass, For r est Gum p,
br eed the per fect IV golden Bidoof. Even then, you The Secr et Life of Pets, Kubo and the Tw o
still only have a tiny fr action epic pow er of the Str ings, Kung Fu Panda 3, Finding Dor y, The
Bidoof God. The only w ay to ever get the full Nightm ar e Befor e Chr istm as, Nova Science
pow er Bidoof is to fill all of your boxes w ith shiny, Now , How the Gr inch Stole Chr istm as (2000),
per fect IV Bidoof, then have all of the elem ental and The Flash.
plates in your bag. After that, you have to catch
Ar ceus and get the DNA splicer s. W ith all of that
done, fuse the Bidoofs and Ar ceus to get a shiny
Ar cidoof (m ust be shiny). Reset your gam e (I
suggest you tr ade Ar cidoof to another gam e or you
do it again) and r epeat the pr ocess 5 m or e tim es,
so you have 6 Ar cidoofs. Put them all in your
par ty, fuse them together , and you have the
m agnificent Bidoof God. You have absolutely no
life if you actually do this. Although, if it?s done,
it?s w or th the tr ue shiny Bidoof God. And you can
destr oy the univer se, and have that ver y satisfying
feeling inside.

Have You Ever Wan t ed t o Lear n Gu i t ar ? I f Yes,

Ch eck Ou t M y You t u be Ch an n el !
By Riff Pickle (Anthony B.)

I just star ted my ow n Youtube channel and so far I

have 23 subscr iber s! If you subscr ibe, I m ay star t
my giveaw ay soon of keypos, guitar picks, and
m or e! Riff Pickle, my channel, has 4 videos that
can help you lear n songs under 5 m inutes! If I
star t the giveaw ay, it w ill last about a m onth and I
w ill r andom ly pick the w inner. Also, tell your
fr iends to check it out and tell m e how you like it
by liking my videos. M ake sur e to subscr ibe! Just
type in Riff Pickle in the sear ch bar. I have have 4
videos, 23 subscr iber s, and it w ill com e up fir st.
Thanks!
W hy Food Fi gh t i s t h e w or st m ov i e ever A Begi n n er s Gu i de t o Over w at ch
r el eased By Colin Walsh
By Ben Dennison
I'm her e to tell you about the gam e called
Though ther e ar e a lot of bad m ovies, som e ar e Over w atch. It?s ver y fun and I hope after
even hor r ible, they all pale in com par ison to the you hear this you?ll consider playing it. This
disaster that is Food Fight. Food Fight is a 2012 gam e is a team gam e and I?m going to tell
anim ated film about food m ascots that com e to you about w hat you need to do to w in
life inside the stor e, but they ar e in an alter nate Over w atch. I w ill go into depth about each
dim ension, not the stor e. This m ovie had a class and their pr os and cons.
budget of $65 m illion. It gr ossed about $70,000. It
w as r eleased in 2012, but has som e of the w or st Class 1 Attack: Attack her os ar e the m ain
anim ation that I have ever seen. It never looks killer s of the team . They hold the fr ont lines
pr oper ly r ender ed and any br and that didn?t w ith all their m ight and fight.
allow their m ascots to be used in the m ovie all Class 2 Defense: Defense her oes hold the
w er e r eplaced w ith obvious r ip offs that w er e attacker s and their ultim ate abilities to stop
cr uel m ocker y of the or iginal pr oduct. It has a the attacker s fr om taking the point. They
stor y w ith a paper thin plot that can be figur ed ar e also good for stopping them fr om a long
out in about 10 m inutes. It is the m ost cliche and r ange.
car dboar d cut out plot out ther e. The m ain Class 3 Tank Her oes: The Tank Her oes help
char acter ?s gir lfr iend r uns off to go get som ething the team w ith shields. Tank Her oes hold the
and * gasp* gets kidnapped (this doesn?t count as payload (or the fr ont lines) w ith attack
a spoiler because it's ten m inutes into the m ovie). her oes and they defend w ith the Defense
After that, if you've seen a m ovie even slightly Her oes.
like this than you know w hat happens. Really. It Class 4 (the best class, in my opinion) the
is that sam e dam sel in distr ess plot. Ther e ar e no Suppor t Her oes: The Suppor t Her oes heal
changes. And the obvious bad guy is the bad guy. people and keep the team fr om falling
All of the char acter m odels look aw ful, and have apar t. Ther e ar e 4 healer s and 1 Defense /
w eir d and spastic m ovem ents at r andom points. Attack Her o that?s been put into the suppor t
Also, this m ovie has som e ter r ifying im ager y. The class.
bad guys ar e all so hor r ifying that they ar e har d
to look at. Dur ing a scene w her e the m ain To conclude, in or der to succeed, each team
char acter , Dex Dogtective, is in the super m ar ket, needs 3 attacker s, 1 defender , 1 tank her o, 2
he is chased by the ugliest, m ost hor r ible looking healer s or 4 attacker s and 1 healer. It?s up to
hum an ever to be put to scr een. As if hor r ible you to figur e it out. I hope to see you
anim ation and a car dboar d cut out stor y ar en?t playing Over w atch soon!
enough, ther e ar e tw o m or e things that m ake
Food Fight the w or st m ovie ever put to scr een.
The fir st is the acting in this m ovie. Even though
Char lie Sheen is the m ain char acter in this
m ovie, it is still aw ful acting. Ther e is so little
em otion that it is im possible to get into it. Even
though som e of the char acter s ar e loud and seem
invested, it just feels like it w as only a sm all par t
of their effor t. The char acter s ar en't inter esting
so it is r eally difficult to get engaged w hile
w atching this m ovie. The final thing is the
w r iting. I don?t w ant to give anything aw ay, but
the w r iting in this m ovie is...unique. It just has to
be exper ienced to fully gr asp how hor r ible it is.
Over all, I give this m ovie a 0.6/10. It is bad and
possibly the w or st m ovie ever , but I w ould
r ecom m end that you get som e fr iends and tr y
your best to suffer thr ough it. You can?t. I know
you can?t. Give it a tr y if you w ant, but you just
can?t. That's how bad it is.
W h oLock M y Favor i t e Book s
By M ia Gor don and Walker Adam s By Ram sey Br eslau

EDITOR?S NOTE: THIS IS A CROSSOVER BETW EEN These ar e som e of my favor ite books:
DOCTOR W HO AND SHERLOCK
Number the Stars by Lois Low r y ? This
Sher lock; John, it?s tim e the myster ious blue box has book takes place in Poland in 1943, w hich
appear ed. w as dur ing Wor ld War II. The m ain
John: W-w ait, w hat blue box? char acter s in this book ar e Annem ar ie
Sher lock: Look, John. Johansen and her best fr iend, Ellen Rosen.
John: W hat the heck!? That w as not her e ten m inutes Annem ar ie helps Ellen r un fr om Ger m an
ago! soldier s. This is a r eally good book!
Sher lock: Well, it is now. Shall I investigate?
John: I dunno, Sher lock? Seem s kinda sketchy ya Otherwise Known as Sheila the Great by
know ?
Judy Blum e ? This book is about 10 year
Sher lock: The gam e is on.
old Sheila Tubm an, w ho spends her
John: (Rolls his eyes)
sum m er in Tar r ytow n, New Yor k . She and
Sher lock: In w e go!
her fam ily stay at the Eggr an fam ily?s
John: W hat is this place!?
house w hile the Eggr an?s ar e aw ay. Sheila?s
The Doctor : W ho ar e you? Wait, ar e you John?
dad is fr iends w ith M r. Eggr an. Sheila goes
Sher lock: W ho w ould w ant to m eet John?
to a sum m er cam p, takes sw im lessons,
John: Hey!
and gets into som e tr ouble! This book is so
The Doctor : Shut up Sher lock, I am talking about
funny and it?s a super good book .
John now !
Sher lock: (Rolls his eyes)
John: This place is fantastic! The Great Brain by John Fitzger ald ? This
The Doctor : Want to see how it w or ks? stor y is about John Fitzger ald (the author )
Sher lock: Ahem , you still haven?t told us w hat this is. gr ow ing up w ith his older br other , Tom ,
John: Has anyone noticed the inside is bigger than w ho is ?The Gr eat Br ain?. The r eason
the outside? ever ybody calls him that is because he
The Doctor : It?s the TARDIS, that stands for Tim e And sw indles ever ybody. It takes place in the
Relative Dim entions In Space 1800s. This is a r eally gr eat book and I
Sher lock: Ohhhhhh definitely r ecom m end it.
John: B- but it?s bigger on the inside than the-
The Doctor : Yah, so shall w e be going? Because of W inn-Dixie by Kate DiCam illo ?
Sher lock: W hat does this lever do? This book is about Opal Buloni w ho has
The Doctor : Don't tha? r ecently m oved to a differ ent tow n w ith
Sher lock: (pulls the lever ) her dad. She goes to a W inn-Dixie super
TARDIS: VEREEEP VEREEP VEREEP m ar ket w her e she m eets a dog and nam es
John: SHERLOCK, W HAT DID YOU DO!!!??? him W inn-Dixie. This book is r eally good
The Doctor : You tur ned it on. We'r e m oving and I r ecom m end it.
Sher lock: Oops
John: Let's just go outside. (Opens the door )
The Doctor : NOOO
John: (Gets sucked into the tim e vor tex)
Sher lock: W ill he be alr ight?
The Doctor : I'm sor r y! I'm so sor r y.
Sher lock: (shr ugs) M eh, w ho needs a best fr iend
anyw ay?
The Doctor : So w her e ar e w e?
Sher lock: Let?s take a look outside
The Doctor : NOOO
(Sher lock gets sucked into the tim e vor tex)
THE END for now ?
Com ing soon: The Adventur e of John in the tim e
vor tex
Th e Har r y Pot t er Book s Accor di n g To
Ot h er Ch ar act er s
By Car oline Cole and Julia .W
The Harry Potter Books According To
Vernon Dursley:
- Ver non Dur sley and The Tim e
Har r y Becam e so Abnor m al That I
Went M ad
- Ver non Dur sley and The Ruined
Business Deal
- Ver non Dur sley and The Tim e M y
Sister Was Blow n Up
- Ver non Dur sley and The Tim e M y
Son Got a long tongue.
- Ver non Dur sley and The Tim e M y
Nephew Watched The New s
Extensively
- Ver non Dur sley and The Rude Visit
- Ver non Dur sley and The Tim e We
Finally Got Rid of Har r y,
Yaaaaaaaay!!!
According To Dudley Dursley:
- Dudley Dur sley and the Year of the
Snake Attack and the Pig?s tail.
- Dudley Dur sley and the Angr y
Father
- Dudley Dur sley and the Blow n-Up
Aunt
- Dudley Dur sley and the long
tongue
- Dudley Dur sley and the Law n
Com petition
- Dudley Dur sley and the Cr eepy
Guy
- Dudley Dur sley and the Year he
Realized that Har r y is Not a Waste
of Space
According To Hannah Abbott:
- Hannah Abbott and the Childish
Pigtails
- Hannah Abbott and the Gossip in
the Libr ar y
- Hannah Abbott and the Year
Hufflepuff Lost the Quidditch Cup
- Hannah Abbott and Hufflepuff
Pr ide (and the Year Neville Went
w ith Ginny to the Yule Ball)
- Hannah Abbott and the Pr efect in
Dum bledor e?s Ar my
- Hannah Abbott and Loss Beyond
Wor ds
- Hannah Abbott and the Year her
Cr ush on Neville Deepened
The Harry Potter Books According To Filius Flitwick:
- Filius Flitw ick and the Year He Needed to Stand on
Books to Reach his Desk
- Filius Flitw ick and the Petr ified People
- Filius Flitw ick and the Fr og Choir
- Filius Flitw ick and the Tim e he w as Called a Cr azy
Elf by the Weir d Sister s
- Fillius Flitw ick and the Rude Dolor es Um br idge
- Filius Flitw ick and the Dancing Cupcakes (r ead
about it on Potter m or e)
- Filius Flitw ick and the Tim e I Dueled w ith a Tall
Guy
According To Quirinus Quirrell (RIP)
- Quir r ell and the Year I Hosted Voldem or t in my
Tur ban (And Died)
- Quir r ell and the Year I am Still Dead
- Quir r ell and the Year I Continue to be Dead (Julia,
Car oline this is getting old)
According To (M oaning) M yrtle Warren
- M yr tle and the Inter r upted Toilet Peace
- M yr tle and the Annoying Book
- M yr tle and the Year I w as Scar ed that Sir ius Black
Would Com e Thr ough the Toilet Pipes and Gr ab M e
(but i?m not confessing!)
- M yr tle and the Spec of Polyjuice Potion
- M yr tle and the Ver y Pink Wom an That Used M y
Toilet
- M yr tle and the Pr etty Aver age Year
- M yr tle and the Year my Toilet Got Blow n Up
(w aaaaaaaaaa!!!)
According To Cho Chang:
- Cho Chang and the New est Ravenclaw
- Cho Chang and the Only Gir l on the Ravenclaw
Quidditch Team
- Cho Chang and Losing a Gam e to Har r y Potter
- Cho Chang and Cedr ic Diggor y (and a ver y jealous
jealous Har r y.)
- Cho Chang and The Sneak Best Fr iend, New
Rom ance, and the M istletoe Kiss.
- Cho Chang and the Br eak-Up
- Cho Chang and the Battle in Ravenclaw tow er.
According To Percy Weasley:
- Per cy Weasley and the Year I Was a Pr efect
- Per cy Weasley and the Year I Bossed People
Ar ound a Lot
- Per cy Weasley and the Year I Was Head Boy!
- Per cy Weasley and the Year I Got a Job At The
M inistr y
- Per cy Weasley and the Year I Was a
M inistr y-Loving Jer k
- Per cy Weasley and the Year I Disow ned M y Par ents
- Per cy Weasley and the Year I Realized M y
Stupidity.

Fict ion
Pl ay Dou gh ?s Ev i l , Her e?s W hy: Par t 1
By Hannah and kind of Gabe
A long tim e ago, little Tim my w ent to the
stor e. He bought som e Play Dough. He
played w ith it, but som ething w as
w r ong. The Play Dough w as r ed. As he
w as r olling it ar ound, som ething
popped out. It w as a fur coat! Tim my
scr eam ed w ith fear.
As this pr oblem w as br ought to the
gover nm ent's attention, it w as
discover ed that m illions of kids ar ound
the w or ld have been finding ar ticles of
clothing in their Play Dough.
As this becam e a m or e
w idespr ead and inter national pr oblem
the gover nm ent had to deter m ine their
next cour se of action. The gover nm ent
m ade a special bear w ith one cam er a on
each eye.
They gave it to the Play Dough
com pany to see if they cooked clothes
into their play dough.
Later that night, a gover nm ent
agent w as w atching the teddy bear
footage w hen he saw a w ool suit being
kicked into the play dough m ixer by a
m echanical boot.
Upon fur ther study, scientists
lear ned that the m achine had som ehow
gained ar tificial intelligence and
decided to elim inate all clothes.
Was it an accident that the play
dough m achine is tr ying to destr oy the
innocent clothing? Or , did the play
dough m achine m aker s w ant to destr oy
ever yone's clothes? Ar e they aliens?
Find out next tim e on Play Dough?s Evil,
Her e?s W hy.
* Editor ?s note: This is a w or k of fiction.
Sh ou l d dogs ow n cadi l l acs? Her e's w h at Tom Cr u i se
t h i n k s abou t t h e si t u at i on .
By Hannah and Gabe
Hello Tom . I am her e fr om the Cadillacs For Dogs
Foundation to discuss your opinion on if dogs should
ow n Cadillacs.
Q: Do you have a dog? If so, w hat is it?s nam e?
A: Yes, in fact I do. It?s nam e is Spinee.
Q: Does your dog ow n a it?s ow n m ini Cadillac?
A: * GASP* How did you know ?
Q: Have you ever m et Nick W ilde?
A: Yeah, actually. We?ve been good fr iends since w e m et
in fox school.
Q: W hat is your estim ate on how m any dogs in the
w or ld have their ow n Cadillac?
A: I w ould say a couple hundr ed m illion people have
bought their dogs Cadillacs. For all the people w ho
haven't bought their dogs Cadillacs, buy them now and
suppor t your local Cadillacs For Dogs Foundation.
Q: Do you know anyone else w ho has a Cadillac for
their dog?
A: Sur e I do. It is a belief in Scientology that dogs m ust
ow n Cadillacs.
Next w e inter view ed Spinee to its position on dogs
ow ning Cadillacs.
Q: W hat is your political standpoint on dogs ow ning
Cadillacs?
A: Woof.
Q: Do you have anything to say about your r ecent
sur ger y?
A: Wooooooooooooooof.
Q: W hat?s up?
A: I am a r ooster illusion...
Th e Al pacal ypse Dest r u ct i on Fi l e
By Gr iffin Atw ood
Read this at your ow n r isk . You have been
w ar ned
Nico Di Angelo has said that the alpacalypse is
star ting. HE?S RIGHT! For pr oof, LOOK UP
ALPACALYPSE M EM ES. The alpacalypse star ted w hen
the ice cr eam shar pening guy w ould not let the alpacas
get shar pened ice cr eam , so M ar ia and Alpaca Num ber
1 star ted the alpacalypse! They ar e going to steal ever y
shar pened ice cr eam they can find and kill ever y
hum ane sour ce they can!!!!! As I said befor e,
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! NICO AND I (I still
have to pass the test) ARE PART OF THE ALPACA
ARM Y!!!!!!!!!!
P.S. this w as supposed to be r eally big and have a r eally
cool font but unfor tunately I m ay not use the font
Th e How l i n g Hor r or
By Casey Cor cor an and Ciar an M ur phy
Par t 1: Jim my
The how ling w as the w or st par t. The
dar kness I could bear , but the how ling w as m uch
w or se. It sounded like a thousand voices
scr eam ing for help. It w as only w olves, of cour se.
Let m e r ephr ase that. It w as w olves, of cour se. Not
?only?. Wolves could r ip you apar t in a second.
John tr udged behind m e. We had been fr iends
since w hen w e w er e babies, even though w e w er e
pr actically opposites of each other. John w as shy, I
w as outgoing. I alw ays w ent w ith my gut, w hile
John had to take a lot of tim e to think things over.
In this situation, I w as pr actically r unning, w hile
he w as bar ely w alking. The r ain pelted dow n on
us, m aking us shiver. It concealed w ho w as in the
w oods even m or e? . or w hat w as in the w oods.
John and I or iginally cam e to the w oods to
investigate som e scr eam ing. John thought it w as
only w olves, but I knew and dr agged him along
w ith m e, liter ally. Snap! A shar p sound snapped
m e out of my daze. M y eyes dar ted to the left and
the r ight looking for the sour ce of the noise. I
looked at John. He w as hunched dow n, tr ying to
avoid fr eezing. Looks like he needed som e
m edical help. That w asn?t good. I hear d another
snap. Then I looked ar ound? and John w as gone
and not just like he r an aw ay. Ther e w er e no
footpr ints show ing w her e he w ent. He had just?
disappear ed. M or e how ling engulfed my ear s.
Then, suddenly, a thought occur r ed to m e. M aybe
the how ling w as w hat took Jim my. I didn?t know
how , or w hy, or any of the r easoning behind it, but
I couldn?t think of any other r eason w hy he had
just disappear ed. M y gut w as telling m e to go
tow ar ds the how ling, so that?s w hat I did. I
r eached into my pocket and sear ched for my
phone, but it w asn?t ther e. I m ust have dr opped it,
and that w as even m or e tr oublesom e.
The how ling got louder as I appr oached the
sour ce. I desper ately hoped it w asn?t scr eam ing,
but it star ted sounding m or e and m or e like it.
Finally, the scr eam ing/how ling gr ew so loud that I
couldn?t bear it. Ther e w as a clear ing just ahead of
m e. It w as no bigger than a sm all house, but the
clear ing w as filled w ith r ocks and tr ees. Ther e w as
a lar ge cir cle of r ocks in the m iddle. I thought I
hear d som ething behind m e, so I tur ned ar ound.
Costly m istake? I w as knocked out befor e I could
do or even think anything else.
I w oke up tied to the som e r ocks that w er e
in the clear ing that I had just appr oached. The
gr ound w as dam p below m e, and the r ain had
seeped into my clothes, m aking m e a tir ed, w et,
and scar ed per son. That com bination w as never
good under any cir cum stance. Then, I r ealized my
r aincoat w as m issing, too. I could have sw or n I
had it on. M yster ious. Not to m ention that I had
m any questions I w anted to know the answ er s to.
No, actually, I needed the answ er s to for my
sur vival. I w as w or r ied about John, too. He w as
alw ays the shy one, and he had never been one for
r esear ching about sur vival, especially if he w as
scar ed. Then again, not m any people go to the
libr ar y and pick a book titled ?How to Escape a
M yster ious and Scar y Death that Happens in the
Woods and Your Fr iend Disappear s.? A per son
cam e into view ahead of m e. Fir st, they w er e ver y
faint, but as they got closer to m e, I r ealized they
w er e about 6?7? w ith a huge build. They m ust
have been at least 250 pounds and w ith enough
m uscle to take dow n a bear. Then a thought
occur r ed to m e: John w as ar ound 250 pounds and
alm ost 6?7?. Could he have knocked m e out as an
elabor ate joke? Befor e I could ponder this any
fur ther , the figur e hit m e on the head once m or e. I
could pr actically feel my br ain slosh ar ound in my
head, and the thr obbing that ensued alm ost m ade
m e w ant to give up, but the dar kness got to m e
quickly. W hen I w oke up, I saw John standing
above m e. He looked annoyed and a little scar ed. I
saw him star e at som ething in the tr ee, but I w as
too dizzy to follow his gaze. John helped m e up,
and w e ventur ed back to our house. John told m e
he had my r aincoat and phone, but I w as too tir ed
to ask about the r est of the myster ious events. I
put in my passcode to my phone, and John found
out that w e w er e w alking distance fr om the edge
of the for est, w hich r elieved m e. John kept looking
back and up at the tr ees. I didn?t know w hy, and
w as a little tr oubled by it. W hen w e got hom e,
John took a show er , and I collapsed on the couch.
W hat a day. I still had a sw ir l of questions in my
m ind: ?W hy did John just disappear ???W ho
kidnapped m e? W hy???W hy did the kidnapper
look exactly like John???W hy w er e?- M y thoughts
w er e inter r upted by a figur e in a tr ee outside. It
w as a? w er ew olf? M y eyes seem ed to betr ay m e,
but I looked at it for over a m inute, blinking and
r ubbing my eyes. Could it be tr ue? Then his head
dar ted tow ar ds m e. I hid behind the couch, laid
dow n, and r olled into the kitchen. I yelled to John,
?Get dow n!? w e both m et in the kitchen, w ith my
hands alr eady sw eating. ?W hy w as that m an
tr ying to kidnap m e?? ?Was that a w er ew olf??
?Was it tr ying to kill us?? The questions seem ed to
flow natur ally out of my m outh, my lips r apidly
m oving. Then w e hear d a knock on the door.
Par t 2: John
Jim my w as w alking in the w oods w ith m e
on a ter r ible night. The w ind w as fier ce, and the
r ain pelted dow n, but none of this w ould bother
som eone like m e. I hear d a w olf, but i didn?t
car e. I think Jim my did, but I couldn?t be sur e.
We w alked together , although it w as his idea to
even go outside on this night in the fir st place
anyw ay. I had been hunched over , tr ying not to
die of hypother m ia w hen I looked up and Jim my
w asn?t ther e. I r ever sed dir ection then and
ther e. I knew that if he w as going to get lost like
that, I shouldn?t have to help him find his w ay
again. I didn?t w ant to get lost. I hear d that
scr eam ing again. I felt that it w as com ing fr om a
differ ent w ay, but I didn?t w ant to investigate.
M aybe Jim my w as going ther e. I began to tr am p
back the sam e w ay I had com e, m aking sur e that
I could still see the tr acks in the m ud. I began to
look m or e ahead than dow n, and befor e I knew
it, I w as lost. I cur sed under my br eath as I
star ted to tr am p ar ound the ar ea, looking for
tr acks in the m ud. Wow. I m ust have been
w alking off cour se for longer than I had
expected, and I w as still deep in the w oods w ith
no w ay to locate myself. I suddenly r em em ber ed
that Jim my had the location device: his cell
phone. I had left m ine hom e, know ing that the
r ain w ould r uin it. Stupid Jim my. He w as
pr obably alr eady hom e now , w ar m ing up next
to the fir e. Leave it to him to ditch his br other in
the w oods w ith no w ay to com m unicate w ith
anyone. I began to get that feeling. The one that
som eone had done som ething w r ong. It w as
pr obably Jim my. He?s yet to get to college, and
he?s still r eally stupid even after 12 year s of
education. He could get 12 m or e and be no
sm ar ter. I?ll just star t w alking ar ound and tr y to
find the tr acks. Instead of finding the tr acks, I
found Jim my?s Phone, sitting on a fallen br anch.
Heh. How stupid is he? I picked up the phone
and found the Google m aps app, and star ted to
find my w ay back to the house, I found his
r aincoat. Was this som e kind of tr ick? I had to
be. He w ouldn?t leave his phone and his r aincoat
in the w oods by accident. Then i noticed the
paw pr ints. Snow kicked up by r unning feet. He
had gone this w ay, and he m ight have been
chased. Was he okay? I didn?t car e. He could be
sur r ounded by w olves for all I knew. I star ted
w alking tow ar d the edge of the for est, or so I
thought. I found Jim my and my tr acks, but they
w er e in the w r ong dir ection. They w er e going
the sam e w ay I w as going. I tur ned ar ound and
star ted to follow them the other dir ection. I
couldn?t see a thing now , and I w as getting r eally
ticked at Jim my. W hy did he have to star t this
anyw ay. I could have said no, and I w ould still be
hom e. But I had been stupid enough to go along
w ith my stupid little br other , and I had payed a
m iser able pr ice. I looked up and saw a light,
fair ly close. I w ent tow ar d it by instinct, but I
paid again instead of finding a house, I found my
br other , laid out on a r ock . He w as unconscious.
I knew that he w ould pull a stunt like that.
?Jim my, stop pulling gags and help m e get
hom e.? I w hisper - scolded. He didn?t r espond. It
w as then I saw a m an, the sam e build as m e, but
he w asn?t m e. I flattened befor e he could see m e.
I hear d Jim my say ?John?? He w as aw ake! I said
back ?Jim my!? I saw the m an jum p into a tr ee
just as Jim my tur ned ar ound to see m e. I helped
him up, and told him I had his phone and
r aincoat, and that w e?d be okay. I tur ned on his
phone and he put in the passcode. I tur ned on
Google M aps, and w e star ted to w alk hom e. I
w as w or r ied about if that guy w as going to com e
back, so I w as looking all ar ound just to m ake
sur e. W hen w e got hom e, I w ent to w ar m up and
take a show er , but I hear d Jim my scr eam . I cam e
r unning out of the bathr oom , only half dr essed,
and I saw a figur e (about 6?7 250) disappear
beneath the fence. I did my best to com for t
Jim my, then w ent and took my show er. W hen I
got out of the show er , I w ent to get a snack w hen
I hear d a knock at the door. Jim my scr eam ed
and r olled in, told m e to lie dow n, w hich I did,
and star ted asking questions and com m enting in
a fast and panicked m anner. ?W hy w as that m an
tr ying to kidnap m e?? ?Was that a w er ew olf??
?Was it tr ying to kill us?? Then w e hear d a knock
on the door.
TO BE CONTINUED? BUT W HO KNOWS W HEN
Hasta 2018
W h o i s Spooder M an ? W h at ar e Hi s
Con n ect i on s? I s He a Sh e?
By Nico Di Angelo (AKA Ben Fogler )

Spooder M an. The her o of N.Y.C. The king of the

US. The m ost am azing cr eation in the univer se.
But w ho is he under that der py m ask? Does he
w or k for the illum inati? Is the per son w e'r e
talking about r eally a w om an? All these
questions ar e answ er ed in this ar ticle. Spooder
m an never takes off his der py m ask . Ther efor e
w e can?t be sur e of w ho he is. But using evidence
fr om his popular m em es, w e know he cr ies
m uch m or e than the aver age hum an being. We
also know that he is a spooder -hum an hybr id
because ?Jokar ? (That is the w ay it?s spelled in
the Spooder M an univer se) thr eatens to use
spooder r epellent on him . And Spooder M an
does not know how to spell w hen he w r ites his
fabulous m em e com ics. All signs point
toooo...M ichael ?Wum bo? Watson! This r aises a
lot of questions. We all know Wum bo is
connected to Har r y M cIntyr e. So Har r y is the
Scar let Spooder ! BUM -BUM -BUM M M M ! Wum bo
is also an illum inati agent, so Spooder M an
w or ks for the illum inati! Double
BUM -BUM -BUM M M M M M ! And w e clear ly know
Wum bo is a m an, so Spooder M an is a m an as
w ell. Wum bo is the Spooder M an! This is a
br eakthr ough for the ages! All of histor y w ill
r em em ber this day as the day the economy w as
fixed, global w ar m ing stopped, and ever y
disease w as suddenly vanquished.
HOOOOOOOORAYYY!

Th e Al pacal ypse Dest r u ct i on Fi l e

By Gr iffin Atw ood

Read this at your own risk. You have been warned

Nico Di Angelo has said that the

alpacalypse is star ting. HE?S RIGHT! For pr oof,
LOOK UP ALPACALYPSE M EM ES. The
alpacalypse star ted w hen the ice cr eam
shar pening guy w ould not let the alpacas get
shar pened ice cr eam , so M ar ia and Alpaca
Num ber 1 star ted the alpacalypse! They ar e
going to steal ever y shar pened ice cr eam they
can find and kill ever y hum ane sour ce they
can!!!!! As I said befor e,
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! NICO AND I (I
still have to pass the test) ARE PART OF THE
ALPACA ARM Y!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. this w as supposed to be r eally big and have a

r eally cool font but unfor tunately I m ay not use
the font
A Ref l ect i on on M y Fr esh m an Year of Hi gh Sch ool
By Nina Kahn

I just finished my fr eshm an year of high school, and it

w as...fine, I guess.
Wa lker a nd the
POSITIVES:
* M y school does a lot of plays and m usicals ever y year ,
r est of the
including a com pilation of shor t plays w ith a cast com pr ised Da ily Double
of only fr eshm en. Better yet, you don?t have to audition! Last
fall, I par ticipated in said play, and it w as the m ost fun I?d editor ia l sta ff
had in a long tim e! Ther e w as no com petitiveness betw een would like to
cast m em ber s because ever yone had m ultiple gr eat r oles. We
all got to be pr etty close in the 2 m onth tha nk Nina for
r ehear sal/per for m ance pr ocess and even though w e don?t
see each other m uch, w e still have that bond.
ma ny yea r s of
* On the sam e theatr e-y note, my fr iend and I got to design beautiful,
the set for one of the plays! Our technical theatr e class w as
assigned to com e up w ith a bunch of designs, and our s w as funny,
picked, w hich w as kind of the coolest thing ever. Of cour se,
ther e w er e som e slight changes to it, but seeing a set w e
thought-pr ovoking
cr eated be used in a show w as aw esom e. a r ticles. You
* It isn?t as scar y as books and TV m ake it seem . In my
school, no one r eally car es about w hat outfit you w ear or a r e one of our
anything, ever yone just m inds their ow n business. I had
som e r eally gr eat teacher s and for the m ost par t, my
a ll-time best
classm ates w er e fine. Da ily
* You have so m uch m or e fr eedom in high school than in
m iddle school. Betw een picking your classes, getting to leave Double-r s!
cam pus (if you?r e an upper classm an) dur ing lunch, and
getting to par ticipate in m or e cool activities, it?s so m uch
m or e r elaxed and you get to m eet such a w ider r ange of
people.
* M y Spanish class w as am azing. It?s been my best subject ever since I star ted lear ning it in 6th gr ade,
and this year w as no differ ent. M y classm ates w er e gr eat, my teacher w as super nice, and it w as just
all-ar ound a gr eat tim e.
* I r ecently got cast in a play for next fall! Rehear sals don?t star t till August but I?m still super excited.

NEGATIVES:
* ESSAYS. M y English teacher w as a nightm ar e and assigned so m any essays over the year. It got kind
of r idiculous.
* I pr ocr astinate. A lot. That didn?t exactly w or k out in my favor.
* High schooler s ar e annoying. That?s a given.
* Dur ing the spr ing, my teacher s assigned a ton of hom ew or k and it w as super str essful. Not a good
tim e.
* Even though my school puts on r eally good plays and m usicals, they cast the sam e people as leads in
ever y show , w hich gets pr etty annoying, especially if they ar en?t fit for the r ole. For instance, ther e w as
a guy w ho played the dad in Bat Boy and w as am azing, but w hen he w as cast as Angel in RENT, he
r eally lacked the per sonality, a vital par t of playing that char acter. Speaking of w hich, the pr oduction
of RENT w asn?t gr eat, so that w as disappointing.
* This isn?t r eally a negative, m or e of a r egr et. I?m a ver y intr over ted per son m ost of the tim e and I
didn?t m ake a lot of new fr iends this year. That?s kind of a bum m er , but I still have my cr ew fr om
m iddle school and hope to be m or e social sophom or e year.
* Physics w as gener ally just a pain in the neck .
* Waking up ear ly (ar ound 6:30) w as annoying. A lot of people had to w ake up even ear lier because
they lived far ther aw ay. I w as just super tir ed all year.
35 Reason s W hy CRCAP i s t h e Best Cam p Ever
By Rachel Alper t-W isnia

1. Ever y class allow s you to expr ess your self in cr eative, ar tistic w ays.
2. You don?t have to do anything you don?t w ant to do!
3. Lunch is the BOM B!
4. Som e of the festival offer ings ar e just plain cr azy, like, ?Run Ar ound Cam p Like
Super M ar io?
5. You can go ar ound cam p scr eam ing and no one w ill question it.
6. Ther e?s a jam -packed new spaper ever y single day? you?r e r eading it r ight now !
7. The kids at Cr eative Star ts ar e the cutest childr en you w ill ever see.
8. Ther e?s a Noontim e Show ever yday, w her e you get to exper ience ever yone?s talent!
9. All of the counselor s ar e soooo suppor tive.
10. You?r e 100% accepted no m atter w ho you ar e, even if you?r e a w or m -lion hybr id.
11. CIT day!
12. Ever yone w ill under stand if you?r e just in a bad m ood one day.
13. The guest ar tists ar e CRAZY talented!
14. M ost of the counselor s ar e past cam per s, w hich m eans that you can em bar r ass
them w ith old cam p videos!
15. Sally, the voice of CRCAP, gets us pum ped for lunch ever y m or ning!
16. The Ice Cr eam Social is so fun and lets you m eet lots of new people!
17. The Pr oduction is alw ays so w ell done and enjoyable.
18. Exper im ental baking and cooking lets you eat br ow nies at 10 in the m or ning!
19. The assor tm ent of fr ozen tr eats is ver y yum my!
20. The counselor s ar e m atur e, yet ver y childish.
21. At the end of the session, w e get the Best of the Daily Double and Cr eative Wr iting
M agazine, w hich featur es ever yone?s best w or k!
22. Isabella?s is the best!-Lim e r ickies, pancakes, fr ies, and m or e!
23. The counselor s ar e just plain w eir d. (I?m talking to you, Walker )
24. CRCAP goes thr ough m any tr ends? Pokem on Go, Fidget Spinner s, etc.
25. Lunch bunches allow you to m eet new people w ith com m on inter ests!
26. Alm ost ever yone w ho com es one year com es back the next year ? ever yone loves
cam p!
27. M any cam per s ar e updated on new s sur r ounding all topics, w hich m akes for
gr eat conver sation!
28. Any conver sation star ter s ar e gr eat, including, ?Do you enjoy the taste of hum an
liver ??
29. All inter ests ar e acknow ledged, including handbell r inging!
30. Festival Day is a gr eat day for cam per s to show case the pr ojects they?ve w or ked
on all session!
31. Double-session cam per s get tw ice the am ount of fun!
32. People of all r aces, ethnicities, gender s, and sexualities ar e accepted at cam p. GO
DIVERSITY!
33. The hum or her e is a ver y unique, sar castic, and w eir d sense of hum or.
34. You can also do spor ts, but let?s be honest, som e of us ar e com plete ner ds w ith no
athletic capabilities.
35. And lastly, CRCAP is an exper ience that w ill cr eate long lasting fr iendships and
am azing m em or ies, and w her e ever y day is jam packed w ith laughter and fun!