My Cross to Bear

Read James 4

"We all have our crosses to bear," he said sadly as he shook my hand.
"What?!" I thought, walking away. This was the same pastor that said many times to "speak blessings, not cursings."
"So, why was he speaking out such a curse?" I wondered.
Pastor's response was in reference to my telling him that we were praying for him, his wife, and his family. His wife and
his married daughter had been diagnosed with chemical imbalances. Their disorders were evidenced by depression,
paranoia, and obsessive compulsive behavior, and were a great burden to them and their families.
I remember thinking that I didn't want to claim such a dreadful curse ... a cross to bear. Yet, as Christians we all have
some crosses to bear. For instance, Jesus told us that the world would hate us.
If ye were of the world, the world would love his own, but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of
the world, therefore the world hateth you. John 15:19
And, John told us in I John 3:13, "Marvel not, my brethren, if the world hate you." That is one cross we as Christians will
all bear ... some more than others (like in China). Paul had a persecution cross to bear, but he also spoke of a "thorn in
his flesh."
And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given me a thorn in the
flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. For this thing I besought the Lord
thrice, that it might depart from me. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee; for my strength is made perfect in
weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I
take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am
weak, then am I strong. II Corinthians 12:7-10
As I look back on my life, it is evident that I had born some of my own crosses or thorns. Some crosses, though, were
carried because I picked them up. Some were there because I allowed them. And, others were given to me by God. One
of my crosses or thorns seemed to be carried since grade school. It is the cross of having one or more tormenters. I pray
it is a cross that I will someday be able to lay down at His feet, but also realize that some of its weight was added by Him.
Of course, I should allow Christ to carry all the weight.
Some of my first memories of this cross go back to fifth grade. We were each asked to do something of talent before
the class. So, a friend and I decided to sing "Country Roads" together while she player her guitar. This was also during a
time a "gang" had formed under the leadership of 6th grader Amber Pennock. I knew little about this gang, but was soon
to find out.... Amber was told about our little duet, and it was decided that I would be that year's "victim." A couple of days
later, I found myself surrounded by this gang of about 50 sixth and fifth graders. I looked in horror for a teacher, but only
saw them walk away, behind the school. The group was too large for them to handle, so they ignored it. Things got worse
day by day ... beatings, lunches trashed, and even my best friend Robin stayed away from me. I was hated, despised, and
alone ... too afraid to tell even my parents. By the end of the school year, the school authorities knew that something must
be done, so 5th graders going into 6th grade were shipped to many different schools the following year ... splitting up the
problem. It worked. And, I was also sent to a different school, but with a much different view of myself ... now very shy,
and self-conscious. God, though, was gracious, and sent a guardian angel during my long bus rides to and from that
school and middle school, by the name of Marty Cook. He was not a Christian, but a high schooler that took an interest in
me, and made sure I was safe. In middle school, the "enemy" became Michelle Ellis. She despised me, and would do
anything to torment me. By high school, my father got a job in Florida, far from the Michigan madness. So, I purposed in
my heart not to worry about what people thought of me, but live for God. Yet, there in our new church was a girl named
Diane Stone, who would do anything to cause grief in my life. It seemed her whole reason for going to church or youth
group ... to torment me. But, I had purposed to live for God, and not worry about what others thought. For the most part, I
just ignored it ... which angered her. So, she thought up something that she knew I couldn't ignore. She seduced and
kissed my boyfriend of three years, then immediately ran and told me so. Though I hardly said a word to her, she knew
she had got me ... and finally left me alone after that. Breaking up was hard to do, though, so, lost, I ran to The Agape
Players by the end of that year. I figured a Christian ministry would not have such people to torment me. Yet, even in that
ministry there were a couple. One even confronted me once and told me that my fiancé was hers ... and that she would
win him and have him. By this time, God had taught me to stand firm, knowing that He was in control. So, I said little to
her, and didn't worry too much about it. Praise God, I "won" that time ... that fiancé (actually, my only fiancé) married me,
and will be married to me for 19 years next week.
Phew! Battle won! I thought that cross was finally laid down. But, recently (nearly 20 years later), God laid a similar
cross on me at my workplace. There are very few Christians there, and none that I work with. The people I work with
directly knew before I came that I was a "pastor's wife," and determined to "ruin" me, as they have said. Though, I'd
learned to be a quiet witness rather than in their face, they were still determined to torment me. And, have often. Perhaps
God had taken the previous years to prepare me for such a time as this. I do know that Jesus said:
"
Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me,
for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."
Matthew 11:28-30
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have
overcome the world. John 16:33
We all have crosses to bear, but we have been blessed by Jesus' promise ... we will find rest in Him. He loves us, and
will fight our battles and carry our crosses for us, if we leave them to Him.
Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God,
that He may exalt you in due time,
casting all your care upon Him,
for He cares for you.
Be sober, be vigilant;
because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion,
seeking whom he may devour.
Resist him, steadfast in the faith,
knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world.
But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus,
after you have suffered a while,
perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.
I Peter 5:6-10

~Michelle Pearson, 21 Aug 2003