12 Essential Communication Skills That Aren't Taught in Schools at All

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12 Essential Communication Skills That

Aren't Taught in Schools at All
Ive never let my schooling interfere with my education. Mark Twain
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Were taught the basics of communication early in the classroom. To be able to

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read, write, and speak effectively, we had to learn vocabulary, grammar, spelling,
handwriting, and pronunciation. They were, however, focused on the rudimentary
goal of imparting or exchanging information.
Communication goes much further than the academics of the written or spoken
word. The purpose of communication is to build and grow connections with others
at an emotional level. This is where classroom learning stops short and life learning
kicks in. For many people, this transition can be rather jarring.
The earlier you master communication skills, the better for you and those around
you. Here is the cheat-sheet to the 12 essential communication skills your school
missed:
Showing empathy
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Theodore Roosevelt said, People dont care how much you know until they know
how much you care. Empathy makes us human. We stop being a twitter handle, a
job title, or a faceless stranger when we can relate to the emotions of someone
else. You connect with others much better when you show empathy in your
communication.
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How-to:

Be present with the person and feel what he feels. When someone opens up with
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his problems, see it from his point of view. Suspend your own judgment of whats
right or wrong. Listen to his emotions. Reect back his vulnerability by sharing
yours. Ask questions to go deeper into his world. Give encouragement. Offer to
help if possible. Show the kindness and compassion you would hope to receive
from someone else when in a similar situation.
Resolving con ict
This is the bomb disposal equivalent of communication skills. Left unchecked,

conict can leave relationships constantly tumultuous. Avoiding conict altogether
isnt a solution either, as youll often be simmering with restrained frustration and
resentment. Conict often happens as a result of poor communication. To resolve
such conict, youd need better communication skills.
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How-to:
Respond, but never react. When you react to a conict situation, you allow
emotions to lead your words and actions. Responding to the situation means you
keep emotions in check and focus on the problem, not the person. Let the other
party know your intention to work out a mutually acceptable solution. Very often,
the gesture of extending an olive branch is more important than actually coming to
a solution, as it shows the person how much you value the relationship. Clearly and
calmly communicate what you want from the situation and listen to the other
partys views. Understand what counts as a win winning the argument or
winning the other person over. The two are very different.
Asking great questions

To be a better communicator, dont try to be the person with all the right answers.
Instead, be the one who asks all the right questions. When you ask great
questions, you show that youre eager to engage and open to exploring more into
the topic. They encourage the other party to share more of his opinions, stimulate
discussion, and even create new ideas. He wont forget you in a hurry.

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How-to:
Ask questions that could lead to interesting answers. To do that, keep your
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questions open-ended, that is, they cannot be answered with a simple yes or
no. Let your questions come from a place of genuine curiosity. Consider how
others can benet from the answers. When you practice good listening skills,
thoughtful questions will suggest themselves to you.
Negotiating effectively
Many people nd negotiation one of the hardest communication skills to learn.

They must be nice people. This one of the few communication skills that is mostly
used to maximize self-interest. While theres no avoiding it in life and work, to enter
into a negotiation without negotiation skills is to go into a gunght without a gun.
How-to:
Be assertive. Have options. Seek a win-win outcome. Recognize that if the other
party wishes to negotiate, you have something they need. Be assertive in asking
for what you want, aiming as high as you think is realistic for them. Listen to what
they are saying (and not saying). Gather clues to how much they need what you
have. Always have ready options should the negotiation fails the other party
can always sense your condence or desperation. Show them how youre looking

for a win-win outcome by satisfying their basic interests too. If the deal goes
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through, its wiser to leave a bit of money on the table to enjoy a mutually
benecial relationship in the long run.
Proactive listening
This is the most underrated skill that can instantly make you a better
communicator. Ever notice that when someone is a good talker, theres something
disingenuous or untrustworthy about him? But when a person is a good listener,
we see her as someone who is patient, trusted, and generous.
When a person speaks, he believes he has something of value to share and wants
to be heard. If he is not listened to, his self-esteem takes a hit. By listening to him
intently, you immediately build a bond by validating his importance as a person or
professional.
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How-to:
Listen to the other party like shes the most important person in the world at
that moment. Be fully engaged and present with her. Block off all judgment of
what she says or what that says about her. Keep your mind from thinking of what
youre going to say. Listen to not just her words, but also her emotions. The tone of
voice, pace of speech, and shift in energy can tell you much more about her. This
makes it easier for you to respond in the most appropriate way.
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Using body language
You should know that almost 97% of all communication is non-verbal. Its not
about what you say, but the overall experience people take away from their
encounter with you. The message you send out without even saying a word is the
impression others have of you. As humans, we are conditioned to observe people
and make snap decisions if a person is a friend, foe, or lover.
How-to:
Work on the three basics of good body language: the smile, eye contact, and the
handshake. Smile at someone from the heart when you meet them. Look the
person in the eye when you speak to them, or when they speak to you. Combine
smiling and eye contact with a good, rm handshake. Always keep your body
relaxed and posture condent. Observe the body language of others to gather
important information. Is he engaged? Impatient? Defensive? You can tailor your
response for a the outcome you want.
Perfecting the elevator pitch
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In an attention-decit world, it is imperative to be concise yet memorable in our

communication. The elevator pitch is a very short presentation of yourself or
your proposal to someone who has no more than 30 seconds. Whether youre
presenting a business idea or at a speed dating session, this is one communication
skill that will set you apart from the pack. Want to know more? Read on. (See how
this paragraph is a demonstration of an elevator pitch?)
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How-to:
Distill what your proposition in one sentence. Its not always easy, but put in the
work to come up with something simple and memorable. For example, Apple in a
sentence could be Technology thats beautiful and intuitive. Lord Of The Rings is
Loyal friends help hobbit become the unlikely hero to save Middle-Earth. Give the
person a reason to care. Show him how your proposal can benet him in a way
nothing else can. Then end with a clear call-to-action this is what you want him
to do after your pitch. Remember, be condent. You have a good proposal and you
know it. When youre condent, they will know it too.
Inspiring others with an idea

An idea is one of the most powerful and contagious elements of any

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communication. Having an idea with someone can create a common bond built on
the power of shared imagination.
How-to:
Share a unique thought that can energize others, and hold it lightly. Everyone
has ideas, but the ones worth sharing are those that are refreshing and inspiring.
When you have one of these gems, dont make the mistake of keeping it too close
to your chest. Share it with others, be open suggestions to improve or interpret it.
Asking for input to reshape the idea together builds a trust that can go a long way.
Acknowledging others
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Acknowledging someone is the act of letting the person know something great
about him or her. It is different from complimenting or attering. The difference lies
in the intent. Youre not trying to benet from the gesture, but to sincerely shine a
spotlight on others. They will feel the difference.
How-to:
Look for the good in someone, and tell her how great it is. When we compliment
someone, we can be indirectly attering ourselves. When you say, I really like your
report, is it about her report, or is it about you and your approval of her report? Try
saying, Nice report, you have some great insights Now its all about her, not you.
You can also acknowledge something in a person that few people would even
notice, like how an assistants handouts are always perfectly stapled because she
takes pride in being meticulous. The best communication lies in its subtlety.
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Con dent public speaking
Public speaking is one of the biggest all-time fears people have. Yet with its ability
to inuence and inspire many individuals at once, its one of the most powerful
forms of communication. Think of the best orators in history Winston Churchill,
Martin Luther King, or Steve Jobs they communicate simply and persuasively,
making us feel better off after listening to them. Be it a work presentation or a
charity drive, you will be put in situations where you have to speak to a group.
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How-to:
Think of the one person in the audience who needs to hear your message. As
with most communication skills and strategies, focus on the recipient of your
message. Believe you have something important to share, and someone in the
crowd will benet from it. Dont aim to be perfect in your delivery, aim to be
passionate about your message. When youre speaking from a place of
authenticity and vulnerability, people will listen to you and root for you. Keep
practicing.
Projecting leadership
The best leaders are masters of the craft of communication. How do you think they
become leaders? We only follow those we trust. It helps that they are competent as
well. Guess what, being a strong communicator does wonders on both counts.
How-to:

Aim to be a leader who serves his followers. Leaders have a separate manual for
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communication. This would include speaking clearly and condently, acting with
authenticity, listening to feedback, and many other skills. Underpinning these is a
genuine intent to put his followers rst, serving their interests above his own.
Communication rooted in servant leadership not only makes a leader more
empathetic, it makes followers more loyal. This deepens their relationship beyond
one thats based on rank and seniority.
Building authenticity and trust

While there are many best practices in communication, here is one rule above all:
be true to yourself. People will only trust you if they feel youre a real person who
stands for something worthwhile. Without trust, there can be no quality
communication and connection.
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How-to:
Keep it real. Never try to be someone youre not. Dont fake it if you havent made
it, work on getting better until it becomes you. Youll earn peoples respect that
way. Be honest with your shortcomings, share inspiring personal experiences, hold
yourself accountable to your words, and speak with conviction. Communicating
with others will come naturally to you.

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People Judge Your Intelligence Based on the Tone of Your Voice and How Fast You Speak

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PSYCHOLOGY (HTTP://WWW.LIFEHACK.ORG/PSYCHOLOGY)
People Judge Your Intelligence Based

on the Tone of Your Voice and How Fast
You Speak
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Do you want people to think you are intelligent? Has someone ever told you Youre
much smarter than you look.?
No doubt it can sting to be perceived as less intelligent, particularly when you

never had a chance to showcase your intellect in the rst place! And while this
might be a social inconvenience, it can be a huge setback when it comes to your
career.
If you walk into a job interview and the rst impression the interviewer has of you
is not very intelligent, what are the chances of you getting that job? Enough said.
Its Your Voice That Matters Most
But what determines whether or not someone perceives you as intelligent at rst
glance? If you ask a person off the street, they would likely highlight looks and
conversational skills as the main factors. But science shows otherwise.
1
In a study published in the Journal of Psychological Science, MBA students from

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