Two Days With t.A.T.u.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times,

it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness,
it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity,
it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness,
it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair,

we had everything before us, we had nothing before us...

- Charles Dickens

Let me start this with two qualifiers. The first is that I am not, nor have I ever been, a fan of
t.A.T.u. Second; what I'm writing is both true, and meant to be taken very seriously. It's the
result of not only a promise I made to a very important person in my life, but also something I
was emotionally compelled to do after spending those few days with t.A.T.u.

Up until early March 2011, I was never aware that t.A.T.u., Lena Katina and Julia Volkova
existed in this world of ours. My taste in music is quite different from t.A.T.u.'s genre, and it's
quite certain that our paths would never have crossed were it not for a desperate plea from
the only person I have ever met that can wind me around her finger like a little piece of wire.
Shortly after she and I met, she went and had two small Japanese characters tattooed on her
hip that translate to Jim, my name. They're quite nice to look at, but have you ever had that
dream where you have to run, but can't? Her name is Janice, and in March she came into my
office very upset and on the verge of tears. The conversation that followed went exactly like
this:

Jan, sweetie, what's wrong? I asked.

Tattoo has split up. she replied.

There's a tattoo center at the mall, maybe they can re-ink it.

No, you moron. t.A.T.u. the group. t-A-T-u, not t-a-t-t-o-o. Why do I love you?

I don't know, but if you're going to start counting the ways, we'll be here all month.

Now I still didn't have a clue what Janice was talking about, so of course the next logical
question should have been, Group of what? However, my years with Janice has taught me
that that would have been exactly the wrong question. So instead, I took the cowards way out
and replied, Well, sweetie, I'm sure they had good reasons, and all of them will be very
happy. Big mistake.

Janice is one of the most brilliant people I have ever met, and I instinctively knew that my
statement wasn't going to get me out of whatever horror was coming my way. Janice gave me
The Look. It translates roughly to, I love you dearly, but you're a moron in Jan-speak. Her
next statement is one that I've heard a few times from her over the years. It's a statement that
sends chills up my spine in exactly the same way it would if zombies suddenly burst into the
office, or the mother-ship passed slowly over our city. Janice said simply, You have to do
something.

There it was then. I was beaten and knew better than to put up any resistance. For a moment
I saw the Borg queen standing in front of me telling me that resistance is futile just before
the Borg needles went in my neck and my left eye was replaced with a laser. Having
surrendered, I asked her simply, Alright. What is a t.A.T.u.?

If I knew then what was in store for me, I would have sold Janice to some Colombian drug
lord to work in the cocoa fields.

She proceeded to tell me that t.A.T.u. was a music group from Russia, the two singers were
Lena Katina and Julia Volkova, they had been together about ten years and recently
announced they were splitting up. Janice's explanation lasted about 30 minutes and the
phrase, Greatest songs ever written occurred no less than five times. I decided then that if I
was ever to see Janice wearing only my blue boxers again, that honesty would surely be the
best policy. Feigning great guilt and holding my head down, I admitted that I had never heard
of t.A.T.u., nor any of their music. Janice gave me a, How could you not have heard of
t.A.T.u.? look that made me feel like a five-year-old admitting to his mother that, Yes, I took
the cookie.

At that point, Janice smiled, got up, and left my office. During what turned out the be a very
brief absence, I actually convinced myself that I had managed to step off the tracks at the last
second and escaped the very large train coming my way. Oh foolish one.

When Janice returned five minutes later, she handed me two CDs. The first was obviously
Russian, or at least printed in Cyrillic, and showed two girls, one cute, one pretty, in police
photographs. My first question was if she listened to Russian music in the Russian language.
I know almost everything about Janice and would have been very shocked had she said yes.
But she said no; that it was their first album and was released in Russian. Alright, I thought, it
won't be a big seller outside of Russia. She explained that the second CD was the English
version and had been released about 18 months later; the cover showed two girls on a
motorcycle. Eighteen months later? That thought bothered me, but I wasn't quite sure why. It
was getting late in the afternoon and I asked Janice if she was ready to leave.

The conversation on the way out my office was fairly brief. She got really excited and said,
We can listen to these on the way home.

Oh, I was hoping we could, I said, trying to sound as enthusiastic as I could. I failed
miserably.

You know, I do hate you.

I know you do.

When we got into the SUV, Janice put the English version of t.A.T.u.'s album into the player.
The song that came up was titled, Not Gonna Get Us. Now, I'm a nice person and would
never do anything to make Janice feel bad, nor would I ever insult her by being critical of her
choice in music. However, for the next 4 minutes 30, I tried to do three things; keep smiling,
not drive the SUV into a bridge to stop the CD player and end my suffering, and to keep
telling Janice how cute she looked. The song was insanely repetitive, poorly written, poorly
composed using the wrong instruments, and sung in seriously broken English. I imagined for
moment that if America and Russia ever merged and formed a common language, that's what
it would sound like. At the end of the song and when my senses recovered, I asked Janice,
Who's not gonna get them?

I'll explain later. You liked it, didn't you?

Oh, you bet I did. Gonna? It sounds like some kind of Italian sausage is chasing them.

Because the traffic was a little slow, my suffering was not to end any time soon. The track that
came up next was a little musical masterpiece called, All The Things She Said. This was
even worse than the first track I had endured. The only thing my battered brain could think of
was just who in the world actually thought the lyrics and composition was something that
could be marketed. It obviously could, I was holding the CD case, but still not quite believing
that anyone would buy it. But then, something a little strange happened. A line in the song
played; Cause I'm feeling for her what she's feeling for me. It was to say the least, a very
haunting line. That one line would stay with me through everything that would follow.

I picked up both album cases and asked Janice, What's 'Taty'? She replied that it was the
Russian name for t.A.T.u. I really liked the name Taty. It was just one of those words that has
a very nice sound to it. It looked like t.A.T.u. was either an abbreviation or acronym for
something, so I asked her, What does t-A-T-u mean? Is it an abbreviation or acronym?
Janice turned towards me a little and with her giant, beautiful blue eyes fixed on me said, It's
more of an acronym. 'T-a' and 't-u' are the first and last words in a Russian sentence.

A Russian sentence? I asked. And standing on the precipice, I jumped. Does this Russian
sentence have an English translation?

I think Janice realized that she only had two moves she could make; tell me the translation, or
move her pawn and hope the question would go away. She choose the latter and answered,
Yes. Alright, one question left. She knew it was coming and for some reason, had turned a
little to look out the side window. There seemed to be a lot of thoughts that formed all at the
same time and I looked again at the CD cases, and then at Janice. I was going to ask the
question that I wasn't sure I wanted the answer to. Jan, sweetie, what's the English
translation? Rook takes pawn. Now, all this time I had thought Janice was just being playful,
like she so often is. I had no idea what was coming my way. Janice was still looking out the
side window and answered, Sh...ves...er.

What sweetie? I can't hear you.

Sh...ves...er, she answered again.

After we had driven for a few minutes, Janice turned back towards me and said, She loves
her. She went on, I'm sorry, my love. t.A.T.u. was always a little different and I didn't know if
that would bother you. I thought for a moment and said, I have plans for you later. You can
make it up to me then. She gave me one her really nice Jan-giggles and took my hand. I held
up the Russian album and asked her who was who on the cover. She replied that the top
pictures were Julia, and the bottom pictures were Lena. I asked her how old they were, and
she replied that they started singing in t.A.T.u. when they were about 15 years old, and the
Russian album was released about a year later.

I looked over at her again and asked, So, when the play on words and various translations
are finished, they actually named their group, 'She Loves Her'? Janice very silently nodded
her head and said, Oh, and it's not 'Julia'.

Who is it then? I asked.

Well, it is her But her name is actually 'Yulia', she replied. Is it getting dark out, or is my brain
shutting down? It's mid-afternoon; it's my brain.

Uh-lia? Where did 'Julia' come from? No, let me guess 'Julia' is some Russian acronym
that in English means, 'I like Lena's butt'.

I wasn't exactly sure how confused I was, but I knew it couldn't be measured. I barely knew
what city I was in. I looked over at Janice and said, So; one day, two fifteen-year-old girls,
hauling their book-bags to Lenin State Junior High School Number 8, decide they're going to
sing together. They sit down before class, and either Uh-lia or Lena reaches into their book-
bag, takes out a piece of paper and a pencil from the Lenin State Pencil Factory, and writes
out some Russian words that in English translate to, 'She Loves Her'. Then, they put the first
and last words together and decide to call themselves 't.A.T.u.' Oh, and at some point before
all of that, the girls met in their Russian History class, had a relationship, fell in love, and then
decided they needed to form a pop group to sing about that love. See cutie, I have been
paying attention.

Poor Janice was laughing so hard that I thought I'd be pulled over by the police for
transporting a crazy person without a permit. When she recovered enough to talk, she said,
Well, maybe not exactly. They had help.

Help? I asked, Help with what; forming a complete sentence, or being gay? I think Janice
knew that when she answered, it was going to push me over the screaming edge of madness.
She looked at me with eyes that said, I'm sorry and in her quiet voice said, They're not
Lesbians. I was going to ask another question, but the lights had finally gone out in my mind.
Janice took my hand again and said simply that there was more to the story. How terribly right
she was.

We arrived home a few minutes later and while I was still trying to get my bags together,
Janice was halfway to the house and telling me to hurry up so that we could watch t.A.T.u.
music videos while we ate dinner. God help me.

About an hour later we were sitting in our home office and Janice holds up a DVD and says
that what I'm about to see is the music video that started their careers, and just my favorite
t.A.T.u. music video ever. After hearing them in the SUV on the way home, I was a little
doubtful the term career ever applied. But hey, who am I to argue.

What I watched in the next 3 minutes 50 was the most confusing thing I had seen in a very
long time. At the end, I asked Janice when the video was made. She replied in early 2002, but
everything except Lena and Julia singing in English was from the original Russian video in
late 1999, or early 2000. So, they took the original 1999 video, re-shot the girls singing in
some type of psuedo-English, re-edited, and re-mastered. You have to love the Russians.
The girls are singing about having feelings for each other and acceptance? Well, even in the
late 1990s and early 2000s, that was no more of an issue than it is today. If you're so inclined,
you can go to any mall food court at lunch and watch school-girls lip-lock each other. That
needs a poorly made video and senseless lyrics? There was something I was very much
missing. By the end of that first video, I had reached the following conclusions:

1. The girls are not gay.

2. The song was not written by them; fifteen-year-old girls are not songwriters.
3. The composition is not theirs; fifteen-year-old girls are not composers.
4. The girls were not then, nor have they ever been, Catholic school girls.
5. The video production company had spent no more than 50 rubles buying their
equipment from eBay.

But there was something I noticed in that first video, other than it being completely senseless.
Julia had black hair and blue eyes. That combination is a very rare genetic trait. I was in that
odd state where you know you have questions, but don't know yet what they are.

That night I watched two very young girls who aren't gay, but pretending to be gay; banging
on a fence in the rain, standing on top of a driver-less truck going 50 mph, Julia making a
bomb and blowing up Lena, and Lena commanding a firing squad to shoot Julia. I thought
they were in love; why are they killing each other? Oh, could life possibly get any better for
me? While Janice was taking the DVD out, I was looking around our office wondering if there
was something sharp enough within reach that I could use to slit my wrists. Janice said she
was going to make a phone call and came back few minutes later, sat down, and started
talking.

Weren't those great? Don't you just love those two together? she asked.

Janice, I truly have no words to describe what I just watched, I replied.

You see why you have to do something? Something? The only something I wanted to do
was travel back in time and make sure those two never meet.

Oh, absolutely, I said, taking the coward's way out.

Now, when Janice uses the phrase; You have to do something, it's not a request, but rather
a plea for help and because of the bond she and I have, is not something to ever be ignored.
My only possible reply was, What would you like me to do?

That night, I learned what Janice wanted me to do.

Before I go into that, I'll explain a little about what I do. I'm the Director of Pre-production
Planning for a media production company. When a company that builds satellites wants to
sell some to a broadcaster, they don't go into the client boardroom, draw a picture of a
satellite on a piece paper, hold it up and ask if maybe they would like to buy some. Instead,
they call us and we produce a beautiful one hour video, complete with presenters and
wonderful background music, that convinces everyone in the boardroom that the thing only
standing between them and perpetual happiness, is buying five of them. We're not an ad
agency, nor have we ever created a music video. The record labels could never afford our
services.

Somewhere, buried deep in our organization chart is a small cost center belonging to me that
I amusingly refer to as Research. They do all the upfront work to ensure that we have location
information, permissions, licenses, presenter and extra releases, rights management,
background checks and everything else that no one wants to do or be caught doing. There
are four employees in the group and all of them have somewhat questionable, nebulous
backgrounds. In other words, there is not a single piece of computer generated information
about them that can ever be trusted.

One day, the Director of Human Resources came into my office and asked why his records
suddenly showed all four of my Research employees had received PhD's from Harvard.
That's just their way. However, they have turned out to be some of the most valuable people
we have. In the past, I've used them for a few personal research projects and they always
deliver about five times more than what I actually need. When Janice and I agreed to join the
company, part of that agreement was that she and I were occasionally permitted to use
corporate resources for personal reasons, as long as we reimbursed for time and materials.

The answer that Janice gave to my question, and the conversation that followed went
something like this:

Please, try and convince them to get back together, she said.

Maybe I could start with something simple. Perhaps fixing the world economy, or doing away
with the need for oil, I replied.

This is serious.

Jan, there are exactly two things I can do. First; I can have Research get their numbers. I can
call the girls and ask them to get back together. Second; I can have two really big guys from
the London affiliate go to Russia, kidnap the girls, and not release them until they agree to
sing together again. Both have an equal chance of success. You choose.

All I want you to do is find out why t.A.T.u. split up, and suggest a way to fix it. Please, just
write to them, she said.

Why don't you write them. You're one of their biggest fans. One of the ten, I thought silently.
Very, very silently.

That's why they wouldn't listen to me. I'm just a fan.

Well I'm not a fan, will never be a fan, and I don't particularly like them. Do you think that's
somehow going to endear me to them to the point where they'll listen to me?

That's exactly why they would listen to you. Please, write to them.
Now honestly, there are times when Janice's logic is something that completely escapes me.
It's some kind of strange Jan-brain thing that she has going on and I've seen it many times
before. One Friday afternoon, Janice disappeared upstairs for about an hour and when she
came back down, she had shiny green hair and was wearing a little white sundress. She was
just so cute and for some unknown reason, I still don't remember a lot about that weekend.

My only reply to her plea was, I will. I told her that I would start on it Monday morning, and
work until it was completed. I also asked her that if she could find any information at all on the
group, to please gather it up for me. She gave me an odd, knowing little smile and said she
would.

It wasn't until Sunday evening that I suddenly realized what Janice had asked of me. Both she
and I have been through business school, and what she had asked was the classic business
school problem: Why was American Widget forced to declare bankruptcy, and what steps
would you have taken to prevent it? Admittedly, I may have been paying more attention to
Janice's t-shirt than to what she was saying, and in hindsight that may been her plan all
along. That's just her way. However, a commitment is just that and I had no choice but to
deliver on my promise.

I stood at the window that evening, watching the sun slowly disappear behind the Rocky
Mountains. And for one of those long, reflective moments imagined a theater stage with the
players slowly taking their positions. It was very unnerving.

My hope that Monday morning that my week would be quiet and uneventful was very short-
lived. Since Janice and I work at the same corporation, we usually commute together but this
morning, Janice walked to her SUV instead of mine. I asked why she was driving in alone and
she replied that since I might be working late, she'd need a way home. Why would she think I
was working late?

I opened the truck door, and there sitting on the seat with a little note on top was the t.A.T.u.
CD we had listened to on the way home Friday. The note said, I thought you might like to
listen to this. You're cute. Nice try. I'd rather pull my eyes out with pliers than listen to it, but I
smiled, waved the CD, and thanked her as she pulled out. I knew without question that when I
got in the office, Janice was going to ask me how I liked the music so I reluctantly put the disc
into the player, and started into the office. I looked at the CD case and noticed that it was for
the Russian release, and knew this was t.A.T.u.'s first album. As the first track started playing,
I knew this was not the same CD we listened to Friday afternoon.

Where the English version on Friday was loud and senseless, this seemed softer and the
girl's singing in Russian was pleasant, almost to be point of being beautiful. During the
second track, the Russian version of All The Things She Said, I actually hit the track repeat
button to listen a second time, and then a third. In Russian, it was hauntingly beautiful. I was
very disturbed and wondered how many of the Russian albums were bought in the U.S.
simply because the music was so beautiful.

Walking into the office, I decided that the first two things I'd do is take care of the promise I
made to Janice, and then see if could get some ideas from her for her birthday coming up in
May. I was sure the promise would be the easiest. I thought I'd just look and see if there was
a Wikipedia entry for t.A.T.u., and was fairly certain it would say something like; One of the
girls married the other's boyfriend, there was a big girl-fight, and they split up. I'd simply write
each a letter saying, That was wrong, and please get back to together; promise delivered.

Honestly, Janice's upcoming birthday was taking more of my thoughts, but I managed to put
those aside as I sat down in my office and turned on the computers. One odd thing I did
notice there were no messages from our department assistant. There are always, without
fail, several Monday morning emergencies that I have to deal with. Some client who decides
they don't like how the presenter is explaining the benefits of their new plastic frying pan, or
some such nonsense. But there was nothing.

Walking over to get coffee, I thought how nice a quiet Monday would be and that maybe I'd go
over to the mall to see if I could get some ideas for Janice's birthday. I stopped by the
assistant's desk on the way back to my office to tell her I was leaving and if anything did come
up, to please call me. She then asked, in a somewhat off-handed way, how long Janice would
be getting the client issue sheets. I asked her if perhaps Janice had mentioned why she was
picking them up and she replied, No, she only said that you were going to be busy, and
needed some uninterrupted time.

I wanted to ask the assistant if she perhaps knew why I was going to be busy, but decided
that would sound like I had lost my mind, and instead walked back my office. Janice had
mentioned this morning as we were leaving the house that I might be late getting home. Busy
today, and late getting home? For a moment, I thought I heard that train whistle getting louder
and wondered if I was standing on the tracks, or next to them. I decided I was standing on
them.

As I walked up to my office, I saw Mark and Don, two of the Research staff, standing outside.
Each was holding a box, and Mark was trying to balance a long mailing tube on top of his.
They don't normally deliver the mail, so I asked if they were waiting for me. They said yes,
and asked where I wanted the boxes put down. I asked if they were sure those we for me,
since I knew I hadn't asked for any research materials. Just then, Janice came around the
corner and told them to just set the boxes down on my table. There were now four of us in my
office and I thought maybe I'd finally get some answers. Janice was standing off to the corner
near my desk, looking a little sheepish. My first question was to Don:

What is all this stuff? I asked.

It's the t.A.T.u. research you asked for. Jan called Friday before we left and said you needed
it this morning.

Alright, I thought, that was the Friday night phone call Janice had made. One question
answered.

What's in the tube? I asked.

t.A.T.u. posters, Don replied.

Posters? They were on posters?

Yeah, they're really hot.

What's hot?

The t.A.T.u. girls.

They're 16, I said.

I figured they were a little older now, but still. My brain felt like it was melting, and I really
wanted to throw my chair through the window to get some air.

Don went on;

"Yeah, but they're still hot. Mark brought in some of the albums, and a bunch of other people
brought in the rest. We have all the albums, some odd Russian releases, and all the music
videos."

"Let me understand this. I have guys, male man-type guys, that work for me and have t.A.T.u.
stuff?" I asked. I was starting to feel seriously creepy.

"Yeah, they're really hot," Don replied.

God help me.

I felt like all the air was being sucked out of the office and wondered if Janice would enter a
nunnery when I finally suffocated.

My questions, that I didn't really want the answers to, continued on:

"What's in the boxes?" I asked.

"It's all the other stuff we found. Tons of videos, photos, magazine copies, music files, audio
files, interview transcripts, statistics; just a lot of stuff. It's all in chronological order. There're
some movies too."

"Movies? t.A.T.u. was in the movies?" I asked, feeling the darkness beginning to close around
me.

"Yeah, they're really good."

"Oh, I bet they are."

I suddenly had a vision of the Academy Awards and the giant Oscar statue. It was crying.

I turned to Mark and asked, "You have t.A.T.u. albums?"

"Yes."

"And t.A.T.u. music videos?"

"Yes."

"And you work for me?"

"Yes."

"Don't be to sure about that. Both of you get out and if I see either one of you again today, I'll
fire you both for being perverts. And take the posters with you. Thank-you for this. I know you
put in a lot of work," I said.

I turned slowly around to Janice, who by this time was trying very hard to get under my desk
and hide and said, Sweetie, please stay.

Jan, let's talk for a few minutes. I have some questions.

You promised you'd help me. I just got you some of the things you'd need. You did ask for it.

Well, thank-you. I wouldn't have thought that any of this stuff existed. You knew that.

Of course.

What else do you know?

I know you like me.

And with that, and the smile she gave me, there was no longer any possibility of my finding, or
even wanting, a way out of whatever was headed my way. How do girls learn how to
completely disarm guys with nothing more than a few words and a smile? Is it something
passed down from their mothers; generation after generation? Perhaps some kind of secret,
never to be spoken of girl-training that starts at a very young age? Whatever it is, girls should
be required to get a federal license before they're allowed to use it.

So that's why you said I might be late tonight, and Dawn saying I was going to be busy, I
said.

Yes. I wanted to make sure you weren't disturbed. I think psychiatrists can also test for that.
I had a feeling I was going to need one very, very soon.

Thank-you for that. I'll have to get the overtime sheets and write a check to accounting. It
looks like they put in a lot of work getting this stuff. How long did it take them? I asked.

They worked all weekend. I picked up their timesheets this morning and paid for their time.
They recorded the click counts on the photo printers, and I paid for those too.

They worked over the weekend to get all stuff together? I asked, somewhat amazed.

Yes. They like you; we all do, she replied.

I think they like you more. You know that short khaki skirt you wore last Friday?

Yes. I wore it because you were taking me to that new restaurant. I know you like it.

Jan, you're always beautiful. But, your skirt seems to have had some strange effect on
others. Friday afternoon, I went into their area and one of them had hung up a cell-phone
picture of you walking down the aisle, wearing that skirt.

Janice was laughing and said, What did you do?

I told her that I took the picture down, told them that I was sure this would never be repeated,
and that I needed to hear four yeses before I left. I pulled open my desk drawer and handed
the picture to her. She looked at it for a minute, and then looked up at me with a rather
strange look. She said, Honey, what color shirt was I wearing last Friday? I replied, That
blue pullover that I like so much. Janice held up the picture and pointed to the shirt.

The girl in the picture was wearing a red shirt. Janice said, That's not me, honey. I think that's
Ashley in Accounting. Oops.

There was only one way out of this. Only a fool would say, Gee, she has a cute backside just
like you. So I just said, Oops, my mistake. I only noticed the skirt. Janice smiled, and then I
made the mistake of reaching for the picture. She laughed and said, Yeah, like that's going to
happen, folded the picture none to carefully, and put it in her pocket.

I laughed a little and asked her, "Jan, what would you like for your birthday?"

She answered, I know you want to get me something. But please, this year I'd like to get my
own present. It's very important to me.

It was actually somewhat of a relief. Last year I bought her the SUV. Janice isn't very tall,
maybe five foot three, and we had to have the dealership adjust the pedals so she wouldn't
have to sit to far forward to reach them. She loves the truck, but mostly the GPS navigator.
She says she's in love with the male GPS voice that gives directions. A month later, for my
birthday, she bought me the SUV that I drive. This year, I didn't have clue what to get her.
Plus, I'm always a little worried that I'll forget her birthday. It's not intentional, I just have a
terrible time with dates. The first year we were together, I forgot her birthday and felt terrible
about it. But I do have a wonderful solution. Several years ago I programmed my phone
calendar to alert me at 11:00 a.m. on her birthday and that way, if I have forgotten, I have
time to get her something and give it to her in the evening. I'm such a nice guy.

Alright. But I do get to say Happy Birthday, I said.

Oh, you will, she replied. That train is getting louder, isn't it?

I don't have room to unpack those boxes. I might see if the conference room is free.

I took care of that. I moved the ABIS team to AV2, so you can have AV1 for as long as you
want.
Does everyone know things I don't? I asked.

Yes. I'll help you carry the boxes down, she said.

And with that, we moved down to the AV1 room. It's a large design room with a table long
enough to spread out all the stuff I had, very large LCD wall-mounted screens, computers,
audio and video equipment, and two very long walls. We call them sticky-walls; you can put
paper against the wall and it sticks to it. It's very strange material.

Janice asked if I wanted her to help unpack the boxes and I said no, it would be better if I did
it. But for some reason, she said that she wanted to arrange some pictures that I would need
later. Need for what I didn't know, but I said alright. Janice opened one of the boxes and took
out a stack of pictures that had to be at least 12 inches high; there were hundreds of them.
Then she did something a little strange. She reached back into the box and came out with just
a file folder; it had maybe 50 or so pictures in it. How did she know that was down there? She
helped pack the boxes.

I took the top picture from her folder and looked at it. It was definitely Lena, but she was very
young, much younger than she was in that first t.A.T.u. video. She was standing on a raised
stage and singing with other children. I looked at the label on the back on the picture and it
just said, "Lena - Neposedi". What's a Neposedi? I gave the picture back to Janice, and she
walked down to the end of the first long wall and began sticking the pictures to it. When she
finished, there were maybe 25 pictures along it. I had starting unpacking the boxes and wasn't
really paying attention to what she was doing, but had noticed that she was on the second
long wall doing the same thing. When she finished, there were about the same number of
pictures along it.

Along the short wall, she put up maybe 10 pictures, and they all looked like pictures of Lena
and Julia performing together.

She closed the empty folder, came over to the table, and gave me a kiss. She said she was
leaving to do some shopping, and may or may not be back before lunch.

What are you going to get? I asked.

I have to get a new sundress, she replied.

What happened to the one you had?

It's ripped.

Ripped? How did it get ripped?

You'll remember, she answered, with a strange little knowing smile.

After Janice left, I turned on the computers, the audio and video equipment, and the large wall
screens. I walked over and sat down at the table, and looked in despair at the piles of stuff in
front of me. Where do I start?
 You think you know a story, but you only know how it ends.
To get to the heart of a story, you have to go back to the beginning.
- Tudors, Showtime

I would start where t.A.T.u. started. At the fence. In the rain.

So it was, that on Monday, March 14, 2011, at 9:00 a.m. Mountain Standard Time, I began
my Two Days With t.A.T.u.

The first part of Janice's request was; why did t.A.T.u. fail? Going into this, I have to look at
t.A.T.u. as a business. Businesses that cease operations do so primarily for two reasons; first,
they have either merged or been acquired by another business, or second; they have become
insolvent. Businesses that have revenue exceeding expenses do not wake up one day and
say, Wow! Business is great, let's close. Since I know they didn't merge with another group,
they most likely became insolvent and ceased operations, or something very close to that,
and the girls started down their separate roads. Now, I just have to show that it was logically
possible.

So the question is, why? I didn't have any intentions of trying to do a financial analysis on
t.A.T.u. business operations, there is no real accounting data available. But for this, all I really
needed were a few rough numbers and few educated insights. I've worked before with far
less.

But first, I needed to learn what t.A.T.u. was and how it started. I pulled the first folder off the
stack, the one labeled History. I'm not going to recount the entire history of t.A.T.u. since I'm
sure anyone that is an actual t.A.T.u. fan, all five of them, probably knows it already. I read
that Ivan Shapovalov started t.A.T.u. in 1999 as a musical project. For some reason, this was
a little disturbing. He formed the group, decided on the theme, and then went shopping for
two girls to sing. And as an added bonus, the girls would go through the motions of being gay.
I was starting to get a little angry. I wondered just who in their right mind would do this, and
where did he find Lena and Julia? I read next that both Lena and Julia were in a children's
music group called Neposedi. Children? The history sheets had both the videos and pictures
indexed to it, so I pulled the first CD and pictures, and saw what Neposedi was.

There were several videos, all from 1998 or so, and as I watched and listened to the kids
singing in Russian, suddenly there was Lena. She was very pretty and maybe 13 or 14 years
old. I thought that in the video, and even more so in the pictures, that she looked very Irish. I
thought that somewhere in her lineage, she must have Irish ancestors. Then another
Neposedi video played, and there was Julia. Very cute and very animated, kind of bouncing
around, and she too was maybe 13 or 14 years old with blonde hair and blue eyes. So, Mr.
Shapovalov held a casting call, signed the girls to the project, and created the t.A.T.u. name.
So, that's where the name came from. An adult male created a very questionable theme and
a very questionable name, for two very, very underage girls. I felt like I wanted to go out and
wash my hands.

I wondered where their parents were while all of this was going on. Did Lena and Julia come
home from school one day and each say, Mum, dad; some guy wants me pretend to be gay,
make-out with another girl, and film us while we sing? I was livid. From what I was reading,
Lena's parents were, or at least her father was, in the music business in some manner.
Lena's father couldn't actually think this was good idea. He had to know the talent that his
daughter had, so why would he condone her joining something like t.A.T.u.? I had a feeling
that I knew what happened with the parents; Ivan paid them off. I would bet anything I own
that he gave Lena's and Julia's parents checks for lots of rubles, and promised the girls the
same. So the stage was set, and the girls to took their positions behind the fence.

I gathered up the videos, pictures and history sheets for what came next, and wished that
Ivan would step into the room, just for moment. That's all the time it would take.

The albums 200 Po Vstrechnoy, and the English version, 200 km/h in the Wrong Lane, were
the first two that came out of Comrade Shapovalov's little project. The Russian album was
released in mid-2001, and the English album about 18 months later, in late 2002. There were
singles released prior to the albums, and the singles sold very well. Although accurate release
numbers were never available, estimates put the number of singles sold somewhere between
5 million and 10 million copies. When the albums were released, the estimates for the
Russian release put sales at slightly more than 1 million copies. But when the English version,
200 km/h in the Wrong Lane was released, Ivan's little project really paid off. That album had
sales of almost 4.5 million copies. But I didn't care what Ivan made, I was only concerned with
what the girls made. Sadly, I'm betting almost nothing.

Ivan had started a production company, Neformat and I think this is the company the girls
were signed to. I'm not sure they were signed directly to the Interscope record label, I think
Neformat was. All the royalty payments paid by Interscope from album sales weren't paid to
the girls, the payments were made to Neformat, and of course Neformat was controlled by
Ivan the Despicable. Nice setup, I thought. I have no absolute way of knowing, but I'm sure
the girls were paid either a very small percentage of sales or more likely, a set payment for
their work on the project.

That seemed to made sense because t.A.T.u. wasn't formed in the normal way a new group
is formed; one or more artists get together, pick some senseless name for the group, play a
few clubs, hire a manager, play a small venue, hire an agent, sign with a record label, and get
rich. That's way groups have formed since the earliest humans banged two rocks together
and thought it sounded good. Lena and Julia simply answered a casting call and were hired
into something that was already in place. Lena and Julia's parents were off somewhere
happily counting their rubles, Ivan was rich, and the girls were completely oblivious to what
was happening. I don't know if the girls were signed to Ivan and Neformat, or to Interscope, I
couldn't figure out who was to signed to who, but in the end, it made no difference.

In late 2002, when 200 km/h in the Wrong Lane was released and promptly sold 4 million
copies, Lena and Julia were what, 17 years old? In my experience, 17-year-olds are not
savvy business people. While I know they weren't paid a lot, they were paid enough to stay
with Ivan's project and move forward.

I'm not sure forward is the correct term. There was a lot of information that I had to sift
through, all of it basically meaningless, but in the end the girls sent Ivan packing sometime in
March 2004 and became directly signed to Universal after Ivan and Neformat folded. This
was both good and bad. The good was that the girls now had two things; the t.A.T.u. name,
and being signed directly with a label. The bad was that in May 2004, Julia announced she
was pregnant. Universal paid for the t.A.T.u. lifestyle for over a year before before Lyudi
Invalidy and Dangerous and Moving were released in October 2005. I'm sure when t.A.T.u.
became Universal property, they signed with a fairly standard contract.

The t.A.T.u. contract probably stated that they would get either a percentage (10 to 20
percent), or a flat amount (1 to 2 dollars) of every album sale. But, there's one small problem
in signing with a label; prior to royalty payments being made to an artist, everything
associated with the group is deducted first. All the expenses for travel, concerts, promo tours,
album production and packaging, distribution, band wages, studio time, music video
production, agents and managers, and of course a large percentage to the label itself. After
everything is deducted, then the artist or artists get the royalty check. That is, if there's
anything left over. The list of things paid for prior to a royalty payment is quite long and very
complex.

So here we are, late 2004, the girls had not done another album and had instead been jetting
on Aeroflot around looking cute. Cute is good, but as they say, It doesn't pay the bills. Oh,
they had done Eurovision in 2003, released some singles and done their interviews and
promos, but nothing that's going to keep the staff at Universal in vodka. I'm sure Universal
was starting to get a little nervous. t.A.T.u.'s last album had been released in 2002, it's now
2004, and girls have done nothing. Why not? Successful artists have an album release cycle
somewhere between 18 and 24 months. What was the release cycle for the t.A.T.u.? It was
time to pull out the folder labeled Discography; I needed to see what the girls had actually
done in 10 years. It also meant I had to listen to more of their music. Please let me in
mummy, I'm scared of the bombs. I looked at the discography sheets, pulled over a big stack
of albums, and started sorting through them.

What I finally wound up were six studio albums, but since they were Russian and English
versions of the same album, really only three; t.A.T.u. only released three albums in ten
years. I almost ended the project there. No wonder Lena and Julia walked away. They only
released 200 km/h in the Wrong Lane, Dangerous and Moving, Waste Management, and the
Russian versions of those. There was a lot of stuff in between; a Best of..., several Remixes,
something called Screaming For More, and a lot of mixed-track, country-specific releases.
Screaming For More sold about 1 million copies, but it wasn't an album; it was a compilation
of their music videos. Nothing else I saw really amounted to anything. It took t.A.T.u. three
years to release their second English album and five years more to release the third, and that
only as downloads. That was crazy.

At the end of 2005, the girls only had two studio albums left in their future. These are the
numbers I was able to find in the folder:

October, 2005
Lyudi Invalidy - This received an NFPI Platinum certification for 50,000 sold. It did not make it
to 100,000, the Gold certification, so it landed somewhere in between.

Dangerous and Moving - I had several statistics on this album, but they all averaged out to
about 1 million sold.

January 2010
Vesyolye Ulybki 200,000 sold

Waste Management - There were no statistics on this album, but since it was only available
as downloads in the U.S., not many.

Based on the numbers I saw, it looked bad for the girls; they were headed to either Aeroflot
as flight attendants, or the Zil factory installing gas tanks. We can forget the first two albums
in 2001 and 2002. The girls were very young, very naive, and Ivan wasn't. They weren't
represented by anyone that would put their best interests first. I really wanted to know who
signed the original 1999 contracts for Lena and Julia, or maybe I didn't.

I didn't have go any further. Even assuming that Lena and Julia received upwards of a million
dollars each in royalties for their first albums, they would have used it to pay for their very,
very expensive lifestyles for the next eight years. Of course there were concert tours, three of
them, but those are usually break-even at best if the venues aren't sold out. I could only find
two cities, with smaller venues, where t.A.T.u. played to a sold-out crowd. t.A.T.u. had sold
upwards of 10 million singles over the course of their careers. Unfortunately, singles are sold
at, or very near cost and are really nothing more than advertising for an upcoming album
release.

The only album release after 200 km/h in the Wrong Lane that really amounted to anything
was Dangerous and Moving, which sold about 1 million copies. Not nearly enough to continue
funding t.A.T.u., even with the revenue from the Screaming For More compilation thrown in.
I'm sure when t.A.T.u. legally broke their contract with Universal in 2006, Universal spent the
next two days partying and toasting their good fortune. The people who were sent to the
Gulag for signing t.A.T.u. in the first place, could finally come home.

From what I could see, t.A.T.u. was forced to form their own production company and label if
they wanted to continue on. The physical production of studio albums is the part that carries
the greatest expense, and the greatest financial risk. After the split with Universal there wasn't
another label, including the independents, that would sign t.A.T.u. So the girls formed a
production company, T.A. Music, which assumed all the financial risk and T.A. Music became
its own label. I don't really know who created T.A.Music, or whether the girls owned part of it.
This question too became meaningless; regardless of who owns it, the girls are paying for
t.A.T.u.

After the release of 200 km/h in the Wrong Lane in 2002, the slide downward was
unstoppable. In the late 2000s, concert appearances were being canceled due to low ticket
sales, Julia was working on another pregnancy third pregnancy, second child, and Lena
was said to be off studying psychology. At that point, t.A.T.u. was finished, and I think both
Lena and Julia knew it. So, they gathered up their remaining material, lyrics and compositions
and threw them all into their final album, Waste Management, released in January 2010. It
only sold a few hundred thousand copies, barely enough to cover production costs. It would
have had far larger sales, but it was only released as downloads in the U.S. The rights to
Waste Management were sold, and I was sure that sale gave Lena and Julia some money to
embark on their solo careers. There was a Waste Management Remix album released
shortly after, but it too amounted to nothing and was only available as downloads.

The only other thing the girls had done that may have amounted to anything financially was
their appearance in the 2008 Mosfilm movie, You and I, and the use of some of their music in
it. The film had a very small budget, about $12 million, and from what I could see, had not
been released to any major markets except Russia in early 2011. After watching parts of it
earlier, I understood two things; why it may never make it out of Russia, and why I had the
vision earlier of Oscar crying. However, I did love the the other two names associated with the
film; t.A.T.u. Come Back, and Finding t.A.T.u. For some reason, t.A.T.u. Come Back had a
very poignant and lonely emotional feeling to it. Personally, I would have used that for the film
title.

I'm sure when the girls decided to go their separate ways in late 2008 or early 2009, they had
money. I think they had lots of it, relatively speaking; but very few prospects for making more.
And that was the problem; they were now two ex-pop stars with very expensive lifestyles to
maintain. I don't think they'll ever have to stand on some Moscow street corner holding up
signs saying, Please Help. Will Sing For Food. But although they may have millions of
dollars sitting in their bank accounts; if they're spending hundreds of thousands of dollars a
year on their lifestyles and solo careers and not generating revenue, they better be planning
for the future or they really will be installing gas tanks at the Zil factory. That's actually a very
scary thought. Would you want to be anywhere near a machine with moving parts; built by the
t.A.T.u. girls? However, regardless of who is actually writing the checks, the girls are now
funding both their lifestyles, and their solo careers.

I believe that was one-half of the reason the girls decided to part company. The other half was
the creative differences between the girl's preferred genres. A lot of groups over the years
have ended because of creative differences. If that is the only reason for the breakup; if the
group had been financially successful up to that point, they will usually find a middle-ground to
resolve their creative differences, reform, and and move forward.

I had listened to almost every song, watched almost every music video and video clip, and
read more information than I could ever absorb. It was getting a little late and decided it was
time to head home. I called downstairs and had the IT department disable the card key entry
lock on the room, and locked it for the evening. I also left all the t.A.T.u. albums behind. I had
heard enough of t.A.T.u. to last me a lifetime, and thought how nice it would be to listen to
something that might sooth my rattled eardrums; like a group called Dead Can Dance.

I would have to spend tomorrow, Tuesday, discovering how the group failed. I knew the why;
no real revenue and perhaps some inevitable creative conflicts between the pop oriented
Lena, and the new sex-rock oriented Julia. What I didn't know was the how; what had caused
to sales to drop to zero? The S.S. t.A.T.u. had started to sink, and Lena and Julia had
abandoned ship and swam off in different directions. Now, I just had to figure out what caused
the ship to sink.

Janice and I had talked earlier that afternoon and she mentioned that she had picked up a
movie. A love story? I asked. Maybe not a regular one, she replied. I'm not sure what a
regular one is in the love-story cinema genre, but knew it would be nice to have Janice next
to me on the couch in her pajamas. After I arrived home, Janice and I had dinner and talked
for a little while, and then went into the office to watch her new movie. I'm pretty sure that I'm
the only guy, in any country, any place on the planet, that has watched the Disney movie,
Wall-E. It was cute and funny in places, but how can a cartoon love story make a girl cry? Oh
well, it was a wonderful evening.
Janice and I drove to the office separately again on Tuesday. She said there were a few
things she had to pick up on the way home after work. I had a nice drive into the office, and
had the chance to think about the activities I needed to finish, and how to complete my
commitment to Janice. I was sure Janice would be alright driving in by herself. After all, she
had her GPS and it would talk to her in that quiet male voice that seems to make her eyes go
all out of focus. Before we had left for work, she told me about the new sundress she had
found yesterday, and how much she thought I might like it. I told her that I'd really like to see it
this evening, and that I'd be happy to give her my honest opinion of it. She just smiled her
Jan-smile and said no, that it was for something special.

When I got to the office, I walked over to AV1 to finish my work with t.A.T.u. or so I hoped,
anyway. When I entered the room, there were the 25 pictures of Lena still stuck to the wall, all
smiling, and all telling me to get to work. My only task for the remainder of the day was to find
out where the iceberg that ripped a long gash in the S.S. t.A.T.u. came from.

I had come to the conclusion earlier that t.A.T.u. had not really lasted for 10 years, but
actually only 4. Their first major album, 200 Po Vstrechnoy was released in May 2001 and
their last, Dangerous and Moving was released in October 2005. After that, and through to the
very end, t.A.T.u. basically did nothing of any real importance. They could have been an
amazing force in music for decades, but ended before one.

I tried to logically organize my thoughts and decided that the first thing was to try and find out
exactly who t.A.T.u. was playing to. Who was buying their music, and why did they stop? The
slide downwards was dramatic, to say the least. I assigned their first album a 100 percent
value, on sales of 4.5 million copies; their second album came in at 22 percent, on sales of 1
million copies; their third album came in at 4.4 percent, on sales of 200,000 copies. That was
just an insane drop in sales. So, what happened? I had several sheets with demographic
information, and found the answers there.

When their first albums were released in 2001 and 2002, t.A.T.u.'s fan-base age demographic
stabilized at roughly the 14 to 20-year-old age range. There was some information that
showed a fairly large group in the 20 to 24-year-old age range, but these were primarily
people in the LGBT community and they would almost entirely disappear somewhere in 2003,
after a few confessions were made by the girls. What remained in 2003 was not a wide age
range, but certainly large enough to sustain impressive sales through the life-span of t.A.T.u. I
also needed to know how many fans t.A.T.u. had over the course of its existence.

Measuring the size of a group's fan-base is at best a very rough estimate, and is always
computed from album sales. Some fans buy every album a group releases, some don't buy
any, and others prefer only to hear a group live. Some people buy an album, listen to it once
and wind up using it as coaster on a table. The figure used by some is 0.8 fans per album
sold, or about 80 percent of total sales will be the number of fans a group has. So, if a group
sells 10,000 albums, they'll have about 8,000 screaming fans. Screaming fans that from a
business viewpoint, buy a group's albums. Music is after all, a business.

Using the same numbers I had used to compute the percentages told me this: the first album
showed about 3.6 million fans, on sales of 4.5 million copies; the second album showed
about 800,000 fans, on sales of 1 million copies; the third album showed about 160,000 fans,
on sales of 200,000 copies. Iceberg dead ahead, Captain. That's why t.A.T.u. ended; in the
end they were playing to no one. But, I still didn't know why. Where did all those people go?
That answer too was in front of me: the people didn't go anywhere, they simply grew up.

I had listened to almost all of t.A.T.u.'s albums on Monday, and thought then how similar all
their music seemed to be. So I put the albums, one by one, into the player and listened to a
few tracks again. There it was then. From the first track on their first album, to the last track
on their last album, their music never changed. Of course each song was lyrically and
compositionally different, and there some experimental pieces, but they were all the same.
There was only the slightest shift in their normal genre. Even the underlying message in all
their songs, and the themes in all their music videos was the same: We have to get away,
find some place we can snog, and maybe be accepted.

As people age, their taste in music becomes more refined. Often, the music genre they're
most comfortable with in their teen years shifts to a whole new genre in their 20s and
onwards. The answer was simple; people grew up, and t.A.T.u.'s music didn't follow them. By
the middle to late 2000s, their original fan-base had reached their 20s and were now aged 20
to 26 years old and older. There just wasn't anyone in that age range that cared about
t.A.T.u.'s teen-pop music any longer. And the 14 to 20-year-old people that now occupied
t.A.T.u.'s original age demographic were in the current segment of the teen-pop genre, a
place t.A.T.u. wasn't in; new female artists were now playing to that segment. Young people
just weren't interested in hearing or seeing two 25 year old, slightly aging pop stars being silly
on stage and trying to act like they're still 16 years old.

The grinding sound I was hearing was the iceberg, slicing into the S.S. t.A.T.u.'s side. I was
so angry, and I felt such a sadness. If you remove the senseless lyrics and bad compositions,
both Lena and Julia had absolutely beautiful singing voices. They had such wide tonal
ranges, they could have been professional vocalists anywhere in the world, in any setting.
They could have been the world's youngest professional opera singers if they had chosen to
go that route, and if some one that truly cared about them had steered them in a slightly
different direction long ago. But sadly, Ivan got to them first. I felt like going outside, sitting
down and crying. What a tremendous waste of a very rare talent times two.

I looked across the desk at all the pictures of Lena on the wall. From the earliest pictures of
her singing in Neposedi, to the very latest ones of her performing in her solo career, she
always carried herself as someone destined to be a professional vocalist. She seemed so
focused, with a powerful and forceful delivery; even with all the foolishness that would follow
later in t.A.T.u., Lena was a girl who knew how to sing. I couldn't help but think that
somewhere inside her, she must have felt a great sadness walking down the road that she
and Julia were traveling on.

While I was sitting there lost in thought, Janice came into the room carrying lunch for us. She
also had a CD I had given her on Monday, along with a picture that Research had given her.
The CD was one that didn't have a que sheet with it, just a label that said, Julia Eralash. I
had sent it back to have a que sheet attached so I would know what it was that I was
watching, and the significance of it. When I had read the label on Monday, I thought Eralash
might be some kind of eyeliner from the Moscow State Cosmetics Factory, and maybe Julia
had appeared in one their advertising spots. Janice said she'd put up the picture, and walked
down the wall to the start of the pictures for Julia. Janice had a strange little smile when she
came back and sat down with me to eat, and asked what was wrong.

I explained to her what I had found this morning, and the thoughts that had led me to the
conclusions I had reached. After, I could tell she was very sad too, and she kept looking up at
all the pictures of Lena. It was a somber lunch. We talked for few minutes about the upcoming
weekend and a visit to a museum that Janice wanted to see. On her way out of the room, I
said, I love you, Eva. I thought she was going to start crying. She turned around and gave
me one of those beautiful Jan-grins and said, I love you, too'. I may never understand girls.

So with that, I was done. I knew why they failed, and I knew how. But I still didn't understand
how such talent could fail when there is such a world-wide demand for it. Something
happened back in those early years that set them on the course they followed. I thought back
to the line from the lyrics for All The Things She Said; Cause I'm feeling for her what she's
feeling for me, and I put their first music video in the player and started it. For some reason, I
remembered a picture I had of Julia from Neposedi. I dug through the stack of pictures and
pulled out two.

I sat back in the chair and looked at both of them; the one from Neposedi, and one from the
music video I was now watching, but with the fence out of the frame. She looked exactly the
same except the hair! Julia had shoulder length blonde hair in Neposedi, but in the video
her hair was cut short and dyed black. It wasn't a genetic trait like I had thought before, they
had cut and dyed her hair! I absently wondered if I could fly to Moscow, beat the crap out of
Ivan and be home in time for dinner. Why would someone do that to Julia? She was certainly
cute with short black hair, but no more so than she was singing in Neposedi. So what was the
point?

I sat there watching their first music video, Ya Soshla S Uma, on the wall screen and the
girl's faces were slowly getting closer, and closer, and then Julia kissed Lena. There it was
was then. The girl's professional music careers had lasted exactly 78 seconds. Because at 79
seconds, they went from being young, professional female vocalists, to being nothing more
than two players on a stage. The next 10 years were driven forward solely from that one
moment. Every song they sang, every music video they produced carried with it that one
moment in time. I thought back to all the photo sessions they had done together; all the
romping on beds in their underwear, or being topless and hanging on to each others chests.
Just all that time-consuming, expensive nonsense. I picked out a couple of video clips from a
point in middle of their careers, in 2006. I watched some live performances in Kiev, Lithuania
and Saint Petersburg. They hadn't changed anything, and still sang the same songs. It was
sad to watch.

Ivan Shapovalov had not only used the girls for his own gain, he had destroyed any possibility
of them ever being recognized as professional artists while they were part of t.A.T.u. The girls
were quite literally, doomed from the start. And no one, ever, sat down with those girls and
said, We have to rethink this. Never. When the first singles of Ya Soshla S Uma and All
The Things She Said were released, they could have simply been honest and told the world
that The Kiss was done only because the song carried that particular theme. Period! And
then moved on to more serious, gender-neutral music. But someone thought it wise to carry
the gay persona forward and it colored their music, and their actions, for the next decade.

Did no one see the talent those two girls had?

Want to see that talent? Go find a copy of the video for Ya Soshla S Uma; watch Lena at
1:22 through 1:26, Julia at 1:49 through 1:59, and Lena at 2:00 through 2:10. There just isn't
anything to explain further about their talent.

Even in 2006, Lena was still attempting to be the consummate professional. When they
performed in Saint Petersburg, Lena wore red heels, a black dress, and looked wonderful.
She had a short 20 second solo on stage, and her performance reminded me of that young
girl singing in Neposedi. She had the same intense focus, bearing and delivery. Julia,
however, was starting to look bad. She had done something to her face, and I couldn't tell if
she had undergone dermal abrasion treatments, facial implants, Botox, or all three. She
looked like someone had stretched a piece of clear plastic film over her face.

In the later half of t.A.T.u.'s time, fans weren't going to concerts and tours to listen to the girls
sing, they were going to see what those two crazy Russian girls would do next. It was one
long party that lasted 10 years for t.A.T.u., and it only ended when when no one had the
money for another bottle of vodka. So, they turned off the lights and went home. It was close
to the time for me to do the same. I had all my answers, and it only remained to sit down and
write two letters, which I had decided to do over the weekend.

As I was gathering up all the stuff that Research had provided and putting it the boxes, I
wondered if there was ever a point, in those long ten years, that t.A.T.u. could have stopped
what was happening? Was there a time when the girls could have started over? You can
never go back, but you can start over; if you have the chance. Did they ever have the
chance? I knew that somewhere in that giant stack of CDs, I had seen the answer. I had
watched it yesterday afternoon. I started going through the CDs, found it near the bottom and
put it in the player. I have always believed that occasionally, very rarely, Fate looks down on a
person or persons and she says, I'm giving you a 'moment'; one that can change your life.
Use it wisely.

Fate gave that moment to t.A.T.u. and the girls in 2009. Actually, she gave them two
moments; the last better than the first. I remembered when I watched the two video clips
yesterday, that when they walked out onto the 2009 Eurovision stage for the opening, how
nice they looked. And when they performed two days later during the interval, they looked
even better. There could not have been a more perfect moment for t.A.T.u. to show the world
that they were, in fact, professional vocalists and a force in music not to be trifled with. They
had walked out onto both the opening and interval stages looking very much the young ladies
they had both grown into.

By some estimates, Eurovision 2009 was watched by almost 230 million people around the
world. Which meant, that when t.A.T.u. performed at the opening and interval, they performed
to a captive audience of 230 million people, all of them potential new t.A.T.u. fans. Some one,
out of all the people the girls had around them, should have sat down with them and said,
This is what we have to do. But no one did, again.

When they came on stage and performed at the opening, what did they do? They performed,
Ne Ver', Ne Boysia (Don't trust, don't fear). This is the same song they performed as
contestants at Eurovision 2003, when they finished third. Someone in the t.A.T.u. circle of
trusted advisers thought this was a good song to perform? Alright, Fate gave them two
chances, and they performed at the interval two days later. This time, Fate had truly given the
girls everything they could possibly need. Not only did the girls look wonderful, but they had
the entire Russian Red Army Choir as their back-singers.

The girls stood there smiling for a few seconds, brought their microphones up and sang, Not
Gonna Get Us. You're kidding, right? They had the whole world watching, and they sang
that? In those few minutes they could have told the world, We're t.A.T.u. We're Russian. And
this is what we really do for a living. On May 12, 2009, I'm sure Fate cried.

But I 'm also sure that Fate forgave the girls when she saw, that in reality, t.A.T.u. was saying
goodbye to the world. When they played the opening, they sang as they did in those very
early years, at the very height of what they were, and would ever be. I think it was their way
of asking the world, Please remember what we did and who we were. We were here before,
long ago, and we were very, very good. If you watch them perform, they sang to each other
as much as they sang to the world that day. When they played the interval, they sang what
had become their trademark song, Not Gonna Get Us. I think that song, more than any
other, epitomized t.A.T.u. and that long road they traveled down. They could not have picked
a more perfect way to say goodbye; singing in front of the Russian Red Army Choir.

When History opens her book and records the official date that t.A.T.u. ended; I hope she
uses May 12, 2009. It was a beautiful ending to a remarkable journey.

Sometime prior to May 2009, they saw the ending coming. Probably when the sales figures
for Dangerous and Moving topped out at one million and they saw the final worldwide
charting. It think they knew too that they could not overcome the problems with Waste
Management. The girls could not have been pleased with the quality of either the lyrics and
compositions planned for it, or their own studio performances.

In May 2009, the first news of t.A.T.u.'s end began being published, and Lena was planning to
travel to Los Angeles mid-year to begin her solo career. They honored their remaining
commitments, or most of them, through 2009 and 2010, but people knew t.A.T.u. was
finished. I think after Eurovision, the girls played in name only. And even though they
continued on long enough to finish their work on Waste Management; they were no longer
together. They were tired; tired of each other, and tired of t.A.T.u.

Their only real chance to recover was between the release of Dangerous and Moving, and
when the lyrics and compositions for Waste Management were being developed. Their
management and production people could have used that time to prepare lyrics and
compositions that the world might actually want to hear, that would have put t.A.T.u. directly in
the center of the current pop genre space. Alright, maybe the songwriters and composers
used by t.A.T.u. didn't really know what the world might want to hear. In that case; why are
they there, and what useful purpose do they serve?

The outside world didn't know much about the Soviet Union prior to World War II. It was a
fairly quiet, closed socialist society with an agricultural-based economy. But in the early
1940s, all that changed. The Soviet Union woke up one morning to the sound of gunfire and
said simply, Not in this lifetime. In the years that followed, the Soviet Union, now the
Russian Federation, became one of the most industrialized and powerful nations on the
planet. They've built one of the most technologically advanced workforces in existence, and
the Russian people enjoy the same freedoms that all people in democratic societies enjoy.

So, given what I just said RUSSIA DOES HAVE RADIOS, RIGHT?

I mean, t.A.T.u.'s worthless managers, producers, songwriters and composers can go down
to the Lenin State Radio Factory Number 4 and buy one? One that might actually receive
broadcasts from such far off and mysterious places as say, oh, maybe the United Kingdom?
Perhaps they could could turn it on and actually learn what people are listening to, and the
albums they're buying? Maybe find out where, in the very wide space of the pop music genre,
people are currently living?

I was so mad that I went outside and walked around the building a few times.

I knew exactly what the problem was. It started for t.A.T.u. at the end of 2003 and early 2004.
It's the number one problem that I see when I'm asked to resolve some issue or another at a
company. It's called Ineffective Leadership. t.A.T.u. had absolutely no direction, no goals,
and no leadership. That continued through 2004, and on to the very end. No one was
planning for their long-term success. t.A.T.u. was quite literally living one day at a time. The
girls were handed some absurd lyrics, had a studio microphone shoved in their faces and told
to sing.

It would have been so easy for someone to sit down and come to the conclusion that out of
those first albums in 2001 and 2002, people loved this track, and this track, and this track;
then make the decision, We have to do more like these. They would have had the lyrical and
compositional roadmaps right in front of them. If t.A.T.u. had effective leadership, that
leadership could have produced second albums that sold better than the first. Instead of
Dangerous and Moving only selling 1 million copies, they could have sold 10 million. In 2004,
the girls were about 20 years old and t.A.T.u. could have easily transitioned from being a
confused act, to being a young, vibrant professional female duo. But instead, I read sheet
after sheet that said; the girls are going here, they're not going here; they're releasing this,
they're not releasing this. If it wasn't so sad, it would have been amusing.

My work was finished. They failed because no one ever set them on the right path to success.
For reasons I didn't know, or even really care about, the people who the girls trusted most
had never, either from greed or ignorance, set them on the right path. It was as simple as
that. It didn't take t.A.T.u. 10 years to die, it took 10 years for the party to end. Oh, every now
and then, t.A.T.u. would wake up, get a few songs together and put them in an album, but
there was never any serious work between releases.

And now the girls are repeating the exact same mistakes they made in the last decade. The
girls have been pursuing their solo careers for two years now, since mid-2009. To date; Lena
has two songs, and Julia has two songs. You just don't need an advanced degree in
mathematics to figure this one out. The girls have produced wait for it one song per
year. Alright, now let's try something even harder. If each girl produces one track per year,
and the average album has ten tracks, how long will it take each girl to release their first
album? I had a vision of Lena and Julia, chewing on the ends of their pencils and counting on
their fingers. But I think you get my point. There's just nothing that anyone can do for them.

It doesn't matter how much money they have to sustain their solo careers, nor does it matter
how talented they are; either as soloists, or as a duo. The only thing that matters is just how
much they want to be professional artists. And from everything I saw, and everything I read;
they just don't want it. For 12 years, they've surrounded themselves with people whose only
responses are, Yes Julia, that's a great idea, or Yes Lena, that's a great idea. They seem
to be incapable of thinking for themselves. Why are so many other artists successful? They're
willing to work hard in their profession, and after listening to recommendations from their
advisers, they weight the options and decide for themselves what's in their best interests, and
in the best interests of their group.

Janice had come down a few minutes earlier and said it would be nice if we got some dinner
at a little place we like, a short walk from the office. I said that sounded great, and she said
she would be back when I had finished and would help me clean up the room. She would
know when I was finished, how? That's just Janice. Those thoughts were the first thing that
had made me smile all day.

I loaded all the remaining stuff back into the boxes, and was going to call Mark in Research to
come and pick them up. I walked over to the video console to make sure I hadn't left anything
behind, and noticed the CD that Janice had brought down after Research had put the missing
que sheet on it. It was the CD labeled, Julia Eralash and according to the que sheet, it
wasn't an advertising spot with Julia, but rather a Russian comedy program for children, with
Julia staring in some of the segments. I thought; well, why not play it. Maybe Russian children
acting goofy might be just what I need to cheer me up. At that point, I was sad enough to last
a lifetime.

The CD had two videos on it, and the first was labeled Mannequin. It was a storyline about a
young girl, Julia, working in a department store. Julia was maybe 13 or 14 years old in the
video, and her task that day was to dress a mannequin in boys clothing. During the course of
dressing it, it fell over and broke. Quick-witted Julia went and found some poor boy wandering
the aisles, grabbed him, took him over to spot where the mannequin was supposed to stand,
and dressed him as the mannequin. When she had finished, she stood back and looked at
her work with the most self-satisfied look I've ever seen. I stopped the player at that frame.

Julia was just so adorable. She had these intense, very mischievous blue eyes, and this
wonderfully cute, very sly kind of lopsided grin. She was just so cute. I played the rest of the
video, and then the second one. In the second video, called Help Me!, Julia was out to make
life miserable for some boy on a swing. So Julia grabbed some unsuspecting boy off the
street, put her arm through his and the two of them walked past the boy on the swing. And
just as they did, Julia planted a big, wet kiss on the cheek of the poor boy she had just
kidnapped. It was a very cute production, both videos were. It almost seemed like Julia just
didn't have to do all that much acting to show off her mischievous side. I thought then of Julia
standing at that fence in the rain; with black hair and a lost future.

Before I knew what I was doing, I slammed my hand down on the panel to eject the CD. I had
all these random video frames in my mind. It was like one of those old slide projectors with
the little square photographic slides that were projected one-by-one onto a white screen. They
weren't in any order, just picture after picture of Julia. I wondered if this is what it felt like to go
insane. I put the CD back into its case, and walked down to the short wall and started pulling
down the 10 or so pictures of Lena and Julia performing together. They were nice pictures,
and showed Lena and Julia holding hands and performing on stage at various venues.
I thought back to the videos I had watched on Monday that showed the girls performing. I
realized that in almost all of them, Julia had always reached for Lena's hand and when the
song ended, Julia would give Lena a hug. Of course, in a few of them they'd kiss; but that was
contrived and part of the act, but not the other. Julia would always reach for Lena's hand in
the same way a young girl would reach for the hand of her older sister, or hug her older sister
when she had helped her in some way.

I moved over to the long wall with the pictures of Lena running down it. All 25 or so pretty
faces of her had been staring down at me for the last two days. I walked down the wall and
looked at each one, starting with the earliest Neposedi pictures. As I walked down the wall
and looked at Lena over the years, there just wasn't anything that changed. Lena in Neposedi
looked exactly the same as Lena did practicing for a solo performance in California. Oh, she
had aged some over those years, perhaps gained few pounds; but it was the same Lena. It
was a little amazing to look at. At the end, she was still very pretty with the same friendly
eyes, the same red hair and freckles. It was like some alien race had beamed up Lena in
2000, went forward in time, and set her down in 2011. I put the last picture of Lena back into
the folder, and started to turn around to the last wall; the one containing all the pictures of
Julia.

I stopped turning half-way; when that Julia slide-show that had been running in my mind
suddenly started to coalesce and make sense. I didn't want to turn around. I hadn't looked at
that wall over the last two days, and I wasn't sure I wanted to now. For the last two days, I had
been sitting at the table with that wall behind me, and it was Janice who had put up the
pictures Monday morning, and the one today from Eralash.

In the 1940s, an author by the name of Fredric Brown wrote what is recognized as the world's
shortest science-fiction story. The title is Knock, and he wrote; The last man on earth sat in a
room. There was a knock on the door...

I was feeling what that man in the room would have felt; apprehension, mixed with more than
a little dread.

I took a deep breath, turned around and walked to the wall. The first picture on the end was
the one Janice had put up this morning; Julia in the Eralash program, looking up at the
mannequin. Why was that particular video frame printed, and who printed it? Janice did. I
stood looking at it, still thinking how adorable she looked, and oh what a troublemaker. The
picture next to it was one of Julia performing in Neposedi. When they had printed the video
frame, they had caught her in the middle of one of her animated bounces. It was a very cute
picture. The third picture down the wall was a video capture of Julia in their first music video,
Ya Soshla S Uma. Her dyed black hair was still very disturbing and unfortunately, was only
the first of many disturbing changes.

I walked down the long line of pictures, and looked at all the bizarre changes the Julia was
going through, or rather, was doing to herself. The constant new tattooing, whatever odd
facial work she was having done, some strange bolt-looking thing poking out of the side of her
nose, and the non-stop way her lips were ballooning out. When I reached the end, that cute
girl in the Eralash videos was completely gone. One picture showed a long, very large tattoo
running up the side of her leg. Who in there right mind would do that to a perfectly cute pair of
legs? For some reason, it seemed like Julia had some serious insecurities that no one had
helped her deal with. Why was I not surprised at that? Where was her boyfriend in all of this?
Probably had other priorities and couldn't be bothered. Alright, skip the worthless boyfriend.
How about friends? Where were they, and why didn't they help her? Probably had other
priorities and couldn't be bothered. Alright, skip the worthless friends.

That leaves Lena. Where was Lena while all of this was happening to Julia? Did Lena ever
once say, Yulia, what in the hell are you doing to yourself?. I would guess not. So, not only
was Julia very insecure, she was also very much alone, with absolutely no way of dealing with
those insecurities. I went back along the wall and took down the Eralash picture, and then
walked back up the wall. Walking up through those years, in every picture, Julia's once bright,
mischievous eyes were looking colder, and her grins and smiles were becoming forced. And
in the last pictures, all she had left was this cold, hard look and I knew inside, a hardened
heart. In the end, Julia had a look of sadness that I couldn't begin to describe. Whatever
spark had made her so special, so alive, was completely gone by the end of t.A.T.u.

In every endeavor, there is a price to pay. When the endeavor that was t.A.T.u. demanded its
payment, it took it all from Julia. They took an insecure 15-year-old girl who was afraid of
being alone, and they left her alone, for 10 years. I think the end result was no real surprise.

All Julia had in the end was this Goth, I-see-dead-people look, and lips that were about four
times their normal size. She was completely unrecognizable as that cute girl in the Eralash
picture. The last video I had watched of her on Monday was at a rehearsal, working on one of
her solo songs, and she sounded just terrible. So much for Julia Volkova. As I walked down
the wall, pulling down the last pictures, I felt so sad. When Lena and Julia walked together,
hand in hand, down that road at the end of the Ya Soshla S Uma video, Julia was starting
down a road that ended at that last picture.

I know that road; I've been down it myself. People that travel down it are ones that have been
forced by circumstance to live a lifetime of experiences, to accumulate a lifetime of emotions,
all in a few short years. Along that road, there are very few chances to turn around; some do,
most don't. I did, Julia didn't. There's really no way of knowing the paths that Lena and Julia
would have taken if they hadn't answered that casting call long ago.

I think Lena would have chosen something other than being a pop singer. She, I think, was
destined for something that would use her talents as a professional female vocalist, and I
think she would have been very successful in any musical endeavor she chose. And Julia? I
think she had a talent for acting. She was certainly a talented, young female actor in the
Eralash videos, and her acting was beautiful in all their music videos. I think given time,
someone would have recognized that. Had that happened, I think today she would be a
common sight on Russian television, or perhaps even in Russian cinema; she certainly had
both the talent, and the looks for it. There aren't enough cute girls in cinema. There are a lot
of pretty ones, but very few cute ones. There's a difference.

But none of that happened; others got to them first. I put the last pictures in the box, except
the one of Julia in Eralash that I was still holding. The room was clean, the boxes ready to go
back to Research, and in that moment, Janice came into the room. I don't think that I was
looking my normally happy self; I think I was looking quite bad actually, and Janice asked me
what was wrong. I replied, I was just thinking how different their lives might have been if they
hadn't become t.A.T.u. Janice took the CD and picture that I was holding and looked at the
picture. She was cute, wasn't she? she asked.

Yes. She was adorable, I replied.

Janice had brought the wheelie-cart with her, and offered to take the boxes back to Research.
I thanked her, asked her to make sure the people retrieved their property from the boxes, and
to have the the rest sent to the shredder. She and I were leaving for dinner in a few minutes,
and I had to collect my bags. She came into my office a few minutes later, and we walked
downstairs and out into the parking lot. We had walked a few hundred feet from the office,
when I realized that there was one thing in those boxes that should be saved; that it was to
important to me to leave behind. It was the CD with the Eralash videos of Julia, and I couldn't
bear the thought of it going through the shredder. I stopped walking, turned towards Janice
and said,

Jan, there's something I have to go back for. One of those CDs shouldn't be destroyed.

She smiled, reached into the right pocket of her khaki shorts, pulled out a CD in a clear case,
and handed it to me. It had a small white label on it that said simply, Julia Eralash. I
reached out and put my hand on her cheek and said, Thank you. I didn't ask how Janice
knew that I would want that CD, or why she had printed that particular Eralash picture that
she had put up the wall earlier in the day. Over the years we've been together, I've just come
to accept things like that from Janice. It's just her way. She's a deeply emotional person,
much more than I am, and perhaps when she saw that video frame, it affected her the same
way it did me. I took her hand and we walked off to dinner.

We talked a lot over dinner about t.A.T.u.; what I knew about them, what I might know about
them, and what I didn't know about them. But mostly we talked about Julia and every now and
then, Janice would wipe away a tear. I'm sure anyone looking at us from across the room
would have thought that I was saying something mean to Janice, and making her cry. I knew
at the end of dinner that Janice had wanted asked me what I thought about the girls getting
back together as t.A.T.u.; what their future might hold for them if they do, and what it might
hold for them if they don't. Very soon I was going to have to answer those questions, and I
didn't any idea what those answers would be.

We walked back to our trucks to drive home, and I was felling a little sad that Janice wouldn't
be driving with me. She had mentioned that she needed to stop at some girl-store to pick up
something she had ordered, and I said I'd see her at home. I usually know what she orders
since she always comes over to our desk at home, sits in my lap, and orders whatever she
needs on my computer. There was something going on, and I was destined to be the last to
know. A new sundress I couldn't see, and now some unknown girl-store order. Was that a
train whistle I was hearing? There were still a few things I needed to work out before I could
sit down and write the letters to Lena and Julia.

If Im driving in the evening, I usually try and listen to a small, very low-power radio station
that broadcasts from Cheyenne, Wyoming, and can only be heard in Denver during the late
evening and nighttime hours. It's a great station with a wide range of programming. A lot of
conspiracy theorists call the show, and the host plays a very eclectic mix of music. One night,
Janice and I were driving through Cheyenne and we stopped by the station to meet him and
we found out that he also owns the station. We had a fun visit, and Janice got her 15 minutes
of fame by explaining on-air to a caller why his computer could not possibly be plotting
against him. I tuned to the station and started off for home.

I had driven for 10 minutes or so, when a song came on that I had never heard before. It was
a male vocalist, but as he sang, I immediately thought of how beautiful that would sound if
Lena and Julia were singing it. I pulled off of the interstate, parked on the side and finished
listening to it. When it finished, I called the host and asked him what the song title was, who
the group is, where they're from, and when the song was released. We talked for a few
minutes, and he said he would send me all the information and even promised to play it again
for my drive home. True to his word, it played again about five minutes later. He followed that
with a second song; this one he introduced by saying the information on it would also be
waiting for me. The second song would have also been perfect for the girls. I could easy see
Lena and Julia alternating lines, or singing in chorus, and at the end, Julia reaching for Lena's
hand.

When I pulled up in our driveway, I thought I had all the answers I needed to finish my
commitment to Janice. I also wondered what it would take to build a low-power broadcast
station in our backyard. That was quickly followed by a vision of Janice climbing the antenna
to fix something, wearing my blue boxers and tennis shoes. I almost drove through the stupid
garage door. Such be my life. Janice walked out of the house and over to the SUV while I was
getting my bags together. She looked like she had been crying, or very close it, and I asked
her what was wrong. She said she wanted to talk for a few minutes, so we went into the
house and sat down together on our couch in the office.

Jan, tell me what's wrong, I asked.

Do you remember the three promises we made to each other? she asked.

Of course I do.

I want to change one.

Shortly after we met and knew we would always be together, Janice had asked me to promise
three things to her. They were; we never fly alone, we never sleep alone, and we never work
alone. At university, Janice had read a story shortly after September 9, 2001 that talked about
spouses and loved ones trying to reach each other in the World Trader Center towers, and in
the planes that had been hijacked. It affected her deeply. The first two promises were easy;
the third had made for some strange negotiations during the hiring processes. Both Janice
and I have always held very senior executive positions, so it seemed to work out alright.
We're in the very fortunate positions of not having to work if we choose not to, so it's very
easy to say, Take us both; or not at all. Your choice. When we graduated from our
respective business schools, we seemed to both be driven by a need to put some very
complex education to work.

You don't want to sleep with me anymore? I asked. I hoped that a little teasing might make
her smile. It didn't.

No, of course not. The one about not working alone, she replied.
Alright. Do you want us at different companies? I asked.

My love, try and keep up. Let's not work anymore. I just want to be here, with you, she said.

I couldn't tell what her look was when she said that. It was like someone lost in thought,
pondering some far off future.

Alright. Honestly, the last two days have been hard. We haven't driven to work together, and
I haven't seen much of you during the day. I'd like to be here with you, too. Let's do this;
tomorrow I'll meet with John and tell him we'll both be leaving. I'll let him have 30 days to fill
my position, and to decide if they want to fill yours or leave it vacant. But I will let him know
that he only has 30 days, and that we both leave on the same day.

For the first time since I arrived home, Janice was smiling and seemed her normal happy self.
Plus, I got one her remarkable hugs. After thinking about what I had just told Janice, I also felt
some strange sense of relief. It would be so nice to just be with her, every day. I was actually
sitting there wondering if there was some way of shortening our notices down to two weeks,
maybe one week; any way of leaving tomorrow? I smiled at the thought, looked at Janice and
in return, got one of those beautiful Jan-grins. Maybe a two week notice would do fine.

I told her about my drive home, the music I had listened to and the materials that I had sitting
in my email. I suggested that we get some snacks, and we'd look at what I had received.
Janice went to fix some snacks, and I sat down at the desk and started going through the
emails. He had sent a lot of material on both groups I had heard driving home. I sent the first
music video to the wall screen, and walked over to watch it. The video opened on a very
pretty girl; sitting up in bed. The composition was very nice, and she started singing,

You know my darling, I can't stand to sleep alone.

No sweetheart, in the dark, to call my own.

It was beautiful, and had a slightly haunting quality to it. Janice came in carrying a big plate
for us, and sat down to watch the video. I walked over, restarted the video and sat down with
her. Janice said, She has a very nice voice. Who is she?

I looked at the sheet I had received from Cheyenne and replied, Her name is Natasha Khan.
She plays as Bat for Lashes in the U.K. Janice asked, How old do you think she is? I
looked at the sheet and replied, She's 31. She has two albums out, working on a third, seven
singles and five videos. Janice and I just stared at each other for a few seconds, and then
she said, 31?

Yes.

Although other problems with my grand plan might be insurmountable; time perhaps, was not.
As I sat there with Janice, watching the lovely Ms. Khan steal small pieces of red plastic, I
imagined Janice and I standing on a street in Moscow, talking to Lena and Julia. I pointed to a
small group of people standing off to the side and told the girls, Those are your new
songwriters, and to another small group of people and said, Those are your new
composers, and then to a small rubbish fire and said, Your guitars are in there, and your
school-girl uniforms. Ivan is in there too. At which point, Lena and Julia walked over to the
fire and threw another piece of wood on it. It was an amusing thought.

Janice and I watched two other Bat for Lashes' videos; Daniel, and What's A Girl To Do.
Janice absolutely loved Daniel, I was more drawn to What's A Girl To Do. I liked the short
narrations that Khan was doing spaced throughout the song. It was a very nice technique.

A short time later, we took a small walk around our community, and stopped at a playground
a few blocks away. Janice likes the swings, so I sat sideways on the one next to her so we
could talk, and I could watch her swing. After a few minutes, Janice came to a stop, turned to
look at me and asked, Love, do you think they can perform together again? There it was
then.

I collected my thoughts for a few seconds and gave her the most honest answer I could. I
replied, Yes, I think they can. The question, my love, is will they? I went on, There is
another group I want to show you tonight. It was the first one I heard driving home tonight,
and the lyrics and composition in that song would be a perfect starting point for the girls.
That's where people are in the pop genre; it's what they want to hear. So yes, t.A.T.u. can
pick up where they left off, and move forward with new compositions. That's the easy part.
Now came the more difficult answer, Now for the harder question; will they? Jan, I really don't
know the answer to that one. I just don't know, sweetie. But I promise; I will suggest an easy
way for them move forward. That's really all I can do.

Janice gave me a small smile and thanked me. Then she asked, Why do you think Julia
looked so sad in those last pictures? I thought for a second and replied, I think Julia saw the
end of t.A.T.u. coming, maybe before Lena did. By that time, Julia was moving, or had already
moved, into that strange Goth, I-only-let-dead-people-kiss-me sex-rock genre, and she had
completely changed her appearance. I think that's what their creative differences were. I think
Julia was always very insecure about her talent, about her looks, and I think she was very
afraid of being alone. And in the end, she was alone; even Lena was gone. All Julia had left
was her very bizarre appearance, a couple of kids, and a worthless boyfriend. I think she saw
that coming and it scared her.

When I had finished my answer, I looked up at Janice and she had big tears in her eyes. She
suddenly reached across the space between us, put her arms around my neck, pulled me and
our swings together, and held on to me like she was about to fall off of a cliff. I put my arms
around her waist and didn't say anything to her; I didn't have to, I knew what she was thinking.
After a few minutes, she let me go. She looked a little pensive for a moment and asked, Do
you think Julia was ever in love? I looked at Janice, and then out to the people in the small
playground. Couples just being together, couples together with their children; all of them
looking very close and happy. I swept my arm across the playground and asked, Do you
mean like all of them? Janice replied, Yes, like us.

I looked up at Janice and answered her question, No, I don't think so. I think in the early
years she may have been hopeful once or twice, but I don't think anything really happened
with it. I think at some point she would wonder if he was there with her, or one of the t.A.T.u.
girls. Once a thought like that forms, there's no way of ever setting it aside; it only gets
bigger. Then I asked her, Do you know what Rita Hayworth answered when asked if she
was ever in love?
Janice gave me a sad little smile and replied, They go to bed with Gilda, they wake up with
me.

A wonderful statement on reality, I said, and went on with my answer. I don't think Julia
ever found someone that would be interested in her as just Julia. Who was she actually? Just
some Moscow school girl that traded her book-bag for a chance to act on a stage. She may
not have even graduated from high school, or whatever the Russian equivalent is. I never saw
anything that would lead me to believe she made any real attempt at college. So today, she's
a 26 year old single mother with two children, and whose only real experience in life is singing
and pretending she's gay. I think that would really limit the number and quality of people that
would be interested in her as a long-term partner.

Her one marriage didn't work out. I can make a pretty good guess what happened; nights
can get lonely when you're insecure and away from home. I wonder how many times over
those long years she heard the phrase, 'Thanks, I'll call you,' or how many times she woke up
in the morning and the first words she said were, 'Get out.' People build up defenses to being
hurt, and every time their heart is broken, one more wall goes up. After a time, no one can get
past those. You don't need love to have babies; you don't need it to live with someone.
Insecure people try to find security wherever, and with whomever they can; usually ending
with the same predictable result. So the short answer is no, I didn't think she ever found it.

Janice had that same sad little smile, got off the swing and said, Let's go home. She took
my hand; changed her mind, and wrapped both of her arms around mine. During the walk
home I asked her, Jan, my love, why do you care so much about t.A.T.u.?

She thought for a moment and replied, At university, the only thing I had were my studies. I
just kept to myself, and spent most of my evenings at the library. One night, someone had left
a t.A.T.u. CD in the carrel I liked to use. It was the album, 200 km/h in the Wrong Lane. I
carried a small player in my book-bag, so I listened to it. I thought their music was so
beautiful. They sang about finding each other, about being together, and about love. I didn't
like the Lesbian image, but their music touched some part of me so much. It wasn't until much
later that I found out they weren't really Lesbians. I was a tad relieved; I don't think mummy
and daddy would have approved. t.A.T.u. kept me company for those years, along with Jewel
and a few others. Maybe I thought of them as friends who never minded staying up late with
me. So when I found out they had ended, I wanted to do something for them, the same way
they had been there for me. Does that make any sense?

Yes, it does, I answered. I think everyone needs a friend like you.

We didn't look at the other group that night. After we got home, Janice went upstairs and
came down a few minutes later in her pajamas, and these really cute little gray boots that she
wears to keep her feet warm. She put a movie in the player, sat down, and just stared up at
the wall screen, completely lost in thought. I turned off the computer and the desk lamp, and
went over to sit with her. The only light in the room was the soft blue glow from the wall
screen displaying the logo from the DVD player. She slid over, and laid down with her head
on my leg. I sat there thinking for a long time that night, with Janice sleeping on my leg. I
pulled the quilt from the top of couch and covered her up with it. She never did push the
Play button on the remote.
I thought of the conversation we had earlier; whether or not t.A.T.u. can play again. Of course
they can; the question was could they. It wouldn't do any good if they just took up where they
left off; apologize to each other, rent a studio and press a new album since the first track on it
would be, All The Things She Said. And in that case, they might as well stay where they're
at and not even bother. There were two almost insurmountable problems; Lena's solo career,
and Julia's Goth sex-rock genre and the bizarre things that went with that.

Driving to work Wednesday morning, Janice and I talked about our resignations that we would
hand in. I had called the office before we left and made an appointment for both Janice and I
to see John, the company COO. I told Janice that I would prepare both resignations. She was
very quiet driving in to the office that morning. I knew she was still thinking about what we had
talked about last night in the park, and so was I. I was also thinking about the weekend, and
the letters I would write to Lena and Julia. When we had parked in our office lot, Janice turned
around in her seat to look at me and said, Don't write them.

Our resignations? I asked.

No, my sweet moron, Lena and Julia. Don't write to them.

I looked at her and suddenly realized that somewhere over the last two days, my commitment
to her had also become a commitment to myself.

Jan, this has become something I have to do; I can't leave it half-finished. Someday, you'll
hear a song by t.A.T.u. on the radio and you'll wish we had finished this. And while I hope I'll
never hear another one, I know that I would feel the same way; just before I pitch the radio
out the window. Janice smiled, I think for the first time that morning, and said You're right, I
would. Let's go take care of our resignations and start our next great adventure. Before we
started walking into the office, I turned to face her and asked, Jan, sweetie, are there any
other groups that you like and have ended? I should probably start preparing now if there
are. She just smiled and took my arm. I never did get an answer to that question.

At 10:00 a.m. that morning, Janice and I met with John and tendered our resignations. It was
sad; Janice and I both enjoyed working there. But quite simply, she and I had better things to
do with our time. I gave John a short list of internal candidates that I felt would do well if
promoted into my position. He said that he would not be filling Janice's position unless it was
Janice that was filling it. What am I, chopped liver? When we went back downstairs, I knew
we had both started counting down the days. It took about 10 minutes for the news to travel
through the office, and we spent the rest of Wednesday either explaining why we were
leaving, or saying goodbye.

Although the rest of the week passed quickly and very uneventfully; in my mind the hours
were counting down to the weekend. The time was quickly approaching when I would have to
sit down and write two letters, without having any idea what they would say. Saturday
morning, Janice and I went on our museum trip and got back home in the early afternoon.
Janice went into the garage to work on her old television set, and I sat down at my computer.
Several months ago, Janice had bought an old television set in one of the antique shops we
visit. She wants to watch her old movies on it. After an hour of sitting at my computer, the only
progress I had made was, Dear Lena,.
I took a break from my breathtaking progress, and went out to the garage to sit and watch
Janice pull strange looking parts out of her television set. She had a VCR connected to it and
the picture actually looked very nice. I told her that I was glad one of us was making progress,
and she asked me what was wrong. I told her that no matter what I might suggest to the girls,
there was nothing I could say that would cause them to even think about reforming. Janice
had her hands in the back of the television, turning some gizmo on the picture tube to
straighten the picture. I asked, Jan, how much voltage is inside that thing? She replied,
About 25,000 volts. I had a vision of scrapping something that resembled a burned piece of
bacon off the garage floor later. But she's very good at what she does, so I wasn't to worried.

After a few minutes, she looked up from inside the television and asked me how the picture
looked. I told her that it looked great, and asked her how she knew how to fix it. She told me
that she had taken a class in electronics at university as an elective, and had really enjoyed it.
She gave me a very satisfied looking smile and said, The trick wasn't fixing it, that was easy;
the trick seems to be getting it to stay working. Out of the mouths of babes, literally. I wiped
some dirt off of her cheek, gave her a kiss and went back to my computer. I had the answer.

Sitting down and thinking about it for a few minutes, I realized that t.A.T.u. will reform itself. It
has to; there are no other options available to the girls if they want to continue performing,
and eating. Basically; Lena and Julia, because of the nonsense with the original t.A.T.u.,
were 10 years late coming to market as professional female vocalists. There are very few
commodities, including performers, that can survive that kind of market entry delay. The girls,
now almost 27 years old, are trying to do what they should have been doing when they were
17 years old. I hate being a pessimist, but there is no possible way they can succeed.

There are far to many other female artists, younger and more talented, standing in front of
them. There is absolutely no name recognition for Lena Katina and Julia Volkova. Who in
the world actually knows who they are? That's why their personal websites, Facebook pages
and web storefronts all make glaring references to t.A.T.u. Without the t.A.T.u. name, they
would both be completely unknown female artists looking to make a solo career singing; at 27
years old. Good luck with that. However, reforming and using the t.A.T.u. name again would
give them enough of a push to get them over that name recognition hurdle. But using the
t.A.T.u. name carries with it its own set of risks. From the early 2000s onwards, the girls
weren't seen or recognized as serious artists; just those two crazy Russian girls acting on a
stage. If I was in charge, I would use t.A.T.u. for the reformation, and then slowly move to
using Taty worldwide. Taty is such a great name.

As solo artists, the girls face a very strange dichotomy with the t.A.T.u. name. Individually,
they can't survive with the name because of the negative connotations associated with it; and
they can't survive without it because of the issue with their name recognition. Together
though, the girls are t.A.T.u. and they will always be t.A.T.u.; they can not be successful trying
to be one-half of t.A.T.u. Their second-best destiny is to perform together; they lost their first-
best when they answered that casting call and kissed at the fence. They have no third-best.

And also, Lena and Julia performing together have two priceless assets; the t.A.T.u. name,
and the absolute synergy those two had when performing together. Ignoring the senseless
lyrics and bad compositions; they were beautiful together on stage, and their voices couldn't
be more perfect when singing in chorus. Putting aside the silly, contrived kissing; the way
Julia would reach for Lena's hand, the way that Julia would hug Lena at the end of a song or
performance, was just so beautiful.

It actually took a very short time to write the letters to Lena and Julia. I didn't suggest how
they might get back together; I knew the reality of what they were trying to do individually
would do that for me, and for them. What I did suggest was how they might move forward
once they had made the decision to reform, and how they can be successful in their next
decade together. The letters were kind, but blunt. Perhaps no one had ever talked to them
that way before. It was easy I didn't have to worry about being fired, or having my clothes
thrown out of the apartment for telling Julia that she looks terrible.

Julia, pay attention you were born cute. You were cute in Eralash and Neposedi, and you
were cute in t.A.T.u., up to the time you decided that you needed to look like something I can't
begin to describe. Trust me, in the age-old conflict between cute and pretty; cute will always
win. Cute lasts a lifetime; pretty does not. Stop the collagen and let your lips go back to
normal, lose the bolt in your nose, have the Victoria tattoo removed from your leg and leave
your hair alone. You had great hair in all your music videos, so just grab a picture showing
you in the junk yard with Lena for the Dangerous and Moving promos, take it to your hair
stylist, and then just leave it alone.

Oh, and Julia you need to do those things sooner rather than later. When Lena calls and
says, Yulia, let's talk; you need to be ready.

And ladies; in the next 10 years of t.A.T.u., please leave your clothes on.

It only took about two hours to write the letters and package up the albums, videos and lyrics
that I wanted to send to the girls. When I was finished, I asked Janice if she wanted to read
what I had written. She said no, that she didn't need to. She knew they were from the heart.
Looking at the FedEx box on my desk, I felt both a sense of relief, and a sense of hope. I
really wanted t.A.T.u. to succeed the next time around, and I thought maybe I had given them
a way to do that.

Looking at the box, I even thought of a good name for them, and their first album; Taty II,
She Loves Her Still. How's that for being witty?

I also thought that tonight, there are people in the Russian Federation that had better be
thanking whatever Gods they believe in, that I'm not in charge over there. For if I was, I would
surely have them hauled behind the Lubyanka and shot for what they did to Lena and Julia,
and the path they put them on when they positioned them behind that fence. I might even
have the perfect person in mind to command the firing squad.

Doubt me? Put me in charge for one hour; they'll only be one person smiling in the end. Or
maybe three.

A little earlier, Janice had come into our office and started looking through the DVDs to watch
a movie. I got up, walked over the stack of old VHS tapes that she has, and picked out
Casablanca. I looked at her and said, Let's watch this in the garage; she thought it was a
perfect idea. So that night we watched a very old movie, playing on a very old VCR, on a very
old television. The television wasn't even in a cabinet; I had helped Janice take it out to work
on earlier. It was just this big electronic chassis with all these ancient vacuum tubes giving off
a soft glow. It was a wonderful night.

I looked at that FedEx box a lot on Sunday and every time I did, I thought that perhaps
nothing would bring them back together. But I also knew that sisters argue all the time and
walk away from each other; but always come back. That's just what sisters do. But if they
can't find a way to reconcile their differences, then at the very least they gave the world their
beautiful voices and for some, perhaps a message in their words. For the rest; it was just
those two crazy Russian girls being silly on stage. But even with that, I think Lena and Julia
made the world smile a little. And in today's world, that's not a bad thing.

Realistically, I think Lena will sell a few thousand albums, play the club circuit and like so
many performers that have gone before her, fade into obscurity; a husband, perhaps a family,
and a lot of memories. And Julia? She too will fade into obscurity; a family certainly, another
husband maybe, and more memories than she wants. But I think her memories will come at
night; in those final lonely moments before sleep overtakes her, and mercifully quiets her
mind.

There is something in the pang of change

More than the heart can bear,
Unhappiness remembering happiness.
- Euripides

At some point in the not to distant future, they'll be no memory of t.A.T.u., Elena Katina and
Yulia Volkova, and what they accomplished in those brief years together. But people should
remember what they gave the world, and the futures they gave up to be The t.A.T.u. Girls.

But much more importantly; I think the world owes it to Julia to remember her as that adorable
girl with the mischievous eyes and cute grin, looking up at the mannequin in Eralash.

But it won't.

And it breaks my heart.

Jim & Janice

Littleton, Colorado, USA
2DaysWithTatu@JustSittingHere.com
 Two Days With t.A.T.u.

I walked a mile with Sorrow, and never a word said she;

But oh the things I learned from her, when Sorrow walked with me.
- Robert Browning Hamilton

August 9th, 2011

Update #1

For reasons that completely escape me, people have asked for an update on what I sent to
Lena and Julia. And stranger still, what became of Janice and I.

The only information I ever received was from FedEx, and it just said that the package had
been delivered to T.A. Music in Moscow. I never expected to hear from T.A. Music, or the girls.
However, a simple, Thank-you for this, from T.A. would have been nice. I think the letters,
albums and videos I sent to them were probably discarded as fan mail, unread. But in the slim
chance it was forwarded to Lena and Julia and read by them, I hope what I wrote made them
pause, if only for second, and think about the future and what I suggested. And if not, then at
least I was able help Janice, and I know she's grateful for what I did over those two days.

Sometimes I see the CD that I kept, sitting in my desk drawer; the one with the Eralash videos
of Julia. I'll watch them again someday, but maybe not right now.

Some people have written a few questions, which I'll try to answer. I'm not sure why anyone
would care what I think on some of the topics, but here goes:

Will you post a picture of Janice?

No. Her answer, not mine. Although there are quite a few pictures on the web of us together
at various social functions and charity events. If I can get Janice's OK on one of those, I'll post
a link.

Where and how did you two meet?

We met for the very first time in our office parking lot in Denver. It was Janice's first day there,
and neither of us had seen the other in the office yet. At lunch, we both started backing out of
parking spaces opposite each other, and met rear-ends first in the middle of the lane. From
that moment on, we've been together. What followed might be a story for another time. I'll
ponder it.

Are Jim and Janice your real names?

Yes.

Hold old are (you), (Janice)?

Janice turned 29 in May 2011. I turned 29 in June 2011.

Would you and Janice met with Lena and Julia to (talk about their futures), (help them),
(etc...)?
Can you fix (them), (t.A.T.u.)?
Can other people play as t.A.T.u.?

No, I can't fix them. They're people, not machines. However, I am still convinced that
someday soon, the girls will reform t.A.T.u. It won't be easy for them, but I think they will. And
when they do, I gave them some suggestions on how to move forward and be successful. Will
they listen? Of course not. But I have the satisfaction of knowing that I did more for them than
most of the other damn worthless people they tried to rely on over the years.

Sorry for the language.

No. I have no interest in talking to them. Other than doing that small task for Janice, I really
don't care what they do, how they do it, or if they're successful at it. They'll find their own way,
or not.

Well, that last statement may not be entirely true. I do care about what happens to them, and
would like very much to see them succeed; especially Julia. Honestly, I've never known
anyone that deserves it more.

Can other people play as t.A.T.u.?

I think you could purchase use rights to the t.A.T.u. name, if the girls didn't any future plans for
it. Why would you want to? Keep in mind that for the next 10 years or longer, people are going
to remember and associate t.A.T.u. with Lena and Julia from Moscow, Russia; not Rebecca
and Cindy from Moose Lips, Canada. The t.A.T.u. name would have no value for anyone
other than the girls.

Could two girls perform as t.A.T.u. did? Well, yes they could. But where would you start? At
the fence? It's already been done. Two girls on stage lip-locking each other? It's already been
done. You seen the problem. Even if you could make a start, every music critic will be ending
their critique of your new track or performance exactly the same way; ... and very reminiscent
of early t.A.T.u. Plus, here in the U.S., any adult that asked two underage girls to lip-lock
each other would promptly find themselves in one of our very nice and comfortable state
prisons for a terribly long time.

Could two girls be successful singing gender-neutral music with just enough of a slant to
make people wonder if they're gay or straight? Could they take each others hand, and hug on
stage? Yes, of course. But you would have to be so careful not to cross that line into t.A.T.u.
territory.

Honestly, I think the only country that could send out two girls like that would be Japan. How
cute would that be?

You mentioned Julia in TV or movies. (Was that serious?), (Can she still do it?)

Yes, I was serious. Except for watching Moscow Does Not Believe In Tears, I really have no
idea what Russian video and film genres are like. But I am sure that she would have been
wonderful in any of them. Even outside Russia, I think she would have done extremely well.
For example, if the Julia of 2005 had stayed that way, couldn't you see her as the Doctor's
next companion in the U.K. BBC series, Doctor Who? A Russian-accented Billie Piper or
Karen Gillan. Julia would have been beautiful in that.

Does Russia have science-fiction as one of their cinematic genres? How about Julia in a
space-suit, riding Soyuz to save the Mir space-station. Couldn't you just see that cute face of
2005 looking back at you through her space helmet? Or space-walking and she lifts the dark
filter on her helmet and there she is. Of course, there would always be the chance that Julia
would pull out a marker and write, ! on the side of Mir. But that's just Julia.

Maybe Julia could sing, Not Gonna Get Us, on her way into space.

Yes, I know Mir is long gone. Perhaps if Julia had been there to save it, it would still be in
orbit.

Or, Russia decides for their own national security, that they have to beat the Chinese to the
moon. But Russia can only send one cosmonaut along with their hurriedly-constructed lunar
weapons platform. Sadly, the trip to the moon can only be one-way. How sad, and how
beautiful would that be with Julia as that lone cosmonaut? Perhaps, as she sat alone in her
lunar lander waiting to die, she could pull a CD out of her bag; something to listen to in those
final hours. The CD? 200 Po Vstrechnoy. The world would see a young girl, willing to die for
her country, alone on the surface of the moon. The entire world would hear her play, 30
Minut, and the world would cry a little. And the last act? China would have a change of heart,
and use their pending lunar mission to try and rescue Julia.

And Lena? How about as the flight director in mission control at the Baikonur Cosmodrome. A
close friend of Julia's; perhaps a little more than that. It's something that would never be
revealed in the movie. Lena would be the one that stays with her friend, and her love, through
Julia's final days. Jeez, it's enough to make me cry.

Think it couldn't work? Have Mosfilm give me a call; I'll write the story for them. I could even
find a way of using Finding t.A.T.u. as the film title. In the end, Julia's CD would save her life.

But you know what? I think I'll write the story anyway. I have an even better title.

Mosfilm That's the deal. I choose the title, Yulia Volkova and Elena Katina are the leads, I
get a Mofilm coffee cup, in Russian; you get the story. Talk it over and call me.
Go back and watch all of t.A.T.u.'s music videos. But don't view the video as a whole, but
rather concentrate on what Julia is doing. And keep in mind that a music video is nothing
more than a three or four minute movie. Julia's acting in those videos is marvelous. Her facial
expressions, the way she carries herself, her gestures and movements, all of those are so
professional and just seem so natural. Her acting in Nas Ne Dagoniat (Not Gonna Get Us),
and Beliy Plaschik (White Robe), her facial expressions and movements in Prostie
Dvizheniya, and the one that will stay with me for the rest of my life; the look she had on her
face, standing next to the carrousel in 30 Minut, at 0:55 and 2:43.

I'm sure the director or script-reader yelled over to her, Yulia! Remember you're being blown-
up in a minute. Look somber and thoughtful, and that's what Julia did with it. There are A-
listed actresses that couldn't match that look if their life depended on it; I bet Julia did it in the
first take. Watch the way she walks, and watch her slow, deliberate movements and look of
concentration when she's building her bomb. She had such an amazing and natural talent for
acting. That was Julia's first, best destiny.

Can she do it now? Yes, with work; a lot of work. She would need a new manager, and she
would need a new agent. She would need people that she could trust to give her good advice,
even if that advice wasn't always pleasant to hear. But that's all she would need; the talent is
already there. She can do it. All she has to do is make the decision that she's going to be an
actor, and perhaps shed some excess baggage. Enough on that that. Then Julia, just get off
your butt and go do it.

I believe that all Julia ever needed for a successful acting career, any time in the last decade,
were people to help her; to point her in the right direction. Sometimes, I thought of Julia as a
compass needle that just slowly spins in circles, never able to find North. But she'll find her
way. I truly hope she does.

Did you watch (Anatomy of t.A.T.u.), (You and I)?

Yes, I watched both of them over those two days in March. Anatomy was senseless and
another example of how the girls wasted their time. You and I was almost as bad, but the
movie wasn't about t.A.T.u., per se. If I was the screenwriter, t.A.T.u. would have been
featured much more prominently in the movie. There would have been an entire t.A.T.u. back-
story taking place, and I would have used t.A.T.u. Come Back as the title.

Who knows, maybe in the next life.

Were there any t.A.T.u. songs that you liked?

Yes. The ones that were never written.

Seriously though, there were. I actually liked most of their early work in Russian. It still wasn't
anything I would have bought, but the songs were very pleasant to listen to; especially Ya
Soshla S Uma. I'm sure a lot of that had to do with the fact that I don't understand Russian,
and I could imagine they were singing about something completely different; how nice
Moscow looks in the winter, perhaps.
However, there was one that was beautiful in either language; 30 Minutes. I do love that
song, and put both versions of that, and Ya Soshla S Uma on one of the mix albums I listen
to.

If I had to pick one song that I felt showed the most promise for t.A.T.u. to be seen as
professional artists, and the one song that I liked the best, it would be 30 Minutes. Even
today, the composition they used for it seems timeless. It fits right in the middle of the current
pop genre. I wish they had done more like that. But who knows? Maybe they will, someday.

I so hope that doesn't make me a t.A.T.u. fan.

Have you seen (), heard ()? What did you think of it?

Yes, I've seen videos of Lena's performances at the Troubador in Los Angeles , and
1015 Folsom in San Francisco.
What did I think? The performances weren't anything special. I've been to both Troubador and
1015, and I think the problem with Lena's performances was nothing more than the acoustics
that both clubs have.

Yes, I've seen the video, Never Forget. (Lena)

What did I think? Absolutely tasteless. Portraying Julia as dead was the most moronic thing
I've seen in a very long time. There are rocks in Janice's gardens that have more common
sense. I'm not sure who told Lena that portraying Julia that way was a good idea, but given
the bad advice both Lena and Julia have followed over the last decade, I guess I'm not to
shocked. And of course, Lena's video is out just after the death of Amy Winehouse. I'm not
saying anyone could have foreseen that tragic event, but had they not been so morbid in the
video to start with, it wouldn't be an issue now. And as horrible as the thought is; if something
were to ever happen to Julia, regardless of the cause or circumstance, then both Lena and
that video would get a level of criticism never heard before. Lena's career would be over.
Someone should have thought that out a little better.

I had actually written quite a long response to this, but that will do.

Lena, do you pay the people around you for their creativity and experience, or is it just a
bunch of people hanging around until the L.A. clubs open at 5:00 p.m.?

I'm done. I've vented long enough.

In spite of the video; for the first time in a long time, Lena had wonderful, emotionally moving
lyrics that seemed to work very well. It was a very nice song.

Yes. I've heard Lost In This Dance. (Lena)

What did I think? Very nice. I believe it was in a niche genre called Cabaret. Listening to it
make me think of a small, smoke-filled Paris nightclub in the 1970s or so. Way before my
time, but that's the vision I had. Lena sang it in a very low, sultry voice. It was similar to some
of Ute Lemper's work. It was very well done.
Yes, I've heard 'Woman All The Way Down' (Julia)
What did I think? Not bad. I didn't like it as much as Rage, but the lyrics were very good for
that genre. In my experience, girls that are girls all have girl-parts that operate exactly the
same way. I'm not exactly sure why that needs a song. Is Julia clearing up some confusion on
that point?

Yes, I've heard 'Rage' (Julia)

What did I think? Great lyrics! Very nice composition. I loved the song. There is something
about Julia singing with that Russian accent that just makes the work she does in English so
beautiful. Lena of course has the same accent, but I think Julia's was always much more
pronounced, and it adds so much to her English songs. I wonder who she's singing to? I
would guess either Lena, or her ex-husband.

So, Julia seems to have two songs, both with good lyrics and nice compositions. Well done,
Julia! Now, write some lyrics and get a composition that lets you climb the register and hit the
highs like you used to, and I promise I'll buy your album.

Do you think t.A.T.u. will ever play again?

Honestly? I don't know. The more I thought about this, the more I thought it very unlikely.

People fell in love with t.A.T.u. for the way they were in the early 2000s, not what they
became later. With some relevant lyrics and new compositions in the current pop genre, I
think Lena could do her part. If you listen to Lena performing her 2010 and early 2011 solos,
she still sounds exactly like one-half of t.A.T.u. It's Julia that I don't think could make it work.
Her genre today is so different from what she had been doing in t.A.T.u. I had thought that
perhaps Lena could grab someone like Jen Ledger as her second, put Holly Hardy of the U.K.
on drums, add some bow instruments, get rid of those damn guitars and reform t.A.T.u.
without Julia. It was a foolish thought. Without Julia, there is no t.A.T.u.

One of the great things about failing at something is being able to look back and see what
went wrong; to learn from those mistakes, and then trying again. Of course, if you're checking
to see if you can fly by jumping off a cliff, what you learn from that may be of little value. I think
when the girls do decide to sit down and talk, they'll see what happened. Today, they have
experience and knowledge they didn't have eight years ago, and they have hindsight. They
can look back over their shared history, all the way back to the fence, and see where those
missteps took place, and learn how not to repeat them. They'll have the roadmap to success
right in front of them.

It's a very easy process. The hardest part will be one picking up the phone and calling the
other.

But I had thought too, over these months since March, that a reformed t.A.T.u. would never
have the spark, would never have the magic, that it once did. t.A.T.u. was never more than an
illusion; a small wisp of smoke that carried the girls along with it. Honestly, how successful
were they as performers? They sold upwards of 7 million albums, almost all of those in 2001
and 2002. Jewel has sold almost 30 million albums; Enya has sold almost 80 million albums;
Taylor Swift, in 5 years, has sold almost 20 million albums, and 35 million singles. Was t.A.T.u.
successful? Slightly. But I can't think of any group, in any genre, in any period, that has been
loved in quite the same way as t.A.T.u. was.

There were only two reasons for it; the girls were Russian, and they were crazy. When those
girls came blasting out of Russia, the entire world stopped and looked. Who outside of Russia
had ever heard a Russian pop music group before? I think people all over the world were a
little awestruck, and asked themselves the same question; Russia has pop music? Yes,
Russia does; it has t.A.T.u. They sang together beautifully, albeit with slightly crude lyrics; they
spoke with those wonderful, quirky accents; they acted like two ill-mannered, spoiled brats;
they appeared to be only marginally literate, and they were utterly insane. How could anyone,
of almost any age and country, not love them? I have no doubt that every time the girls left the
Russian Federation, Vladimir Putin gave serious consideration to having the FSB go out and
bring them back. And that was the illusion, the wonderful magic those girls had.

Today, even if they reform, that magic is gone forever. They've grown into those two beautiful,
poised young ladies who took the interval stage at Eurovision 2009. If they reform, they will be
nothing more than a once-popular Russian female singing duo trying to make another attempt
at success. The only thing that will ever make them successful, is if they can touch people
again with their music. That's all they have left. But they still have that amazingly beautiful
talent, and they still have that breathtaking synergy that made them so remarkable together.
With that, the girls are over half-way there already and with very little effort, can easily go the
rest of the way.

However, by the time Lena releases her first album, looks at the sales figures and charting,
and decides that going solo wasn't such a good idea after all; it will be far to late to reform
t.A.T.u. It could be another year before Lena releases her first album, and another six months
after that before the final sales and world-wide charting numbers are available. It could be late
2012 before Lena is ready and by then the girls would be almost 28 years old. It wouldn't be
remotely possible for t.A.T.u. to reform then. Well they could, but they're not going anywhere
with it. It could be almost two years before the reformed t.A.T.u. released their first album, and
the girls would be almost 30 years old. You see the problem. There's nothing wrong with 30-
years-old, it's just a little old to be the next pop music sensation. If they had ended
immediately after Dangerous and Moving, then they would have had time. But not now.

Plus, more than anything in this world, I hope that Julia gives up her Goth sex-rock career,
puts herself back together to some 2005-state, and at least tries to make a career acting.
She's been in one movie already, that should at least get her foot in the door at Mosfilm. With
a very good agent and manager, she could walk right in and start tomorrow.

I would much rather see Julia acting, than t.A.T.u. reforming.

Who was the second group you heard? You never said.

The group was Hurts, from the U.K. The song I heard driving home that night in March was
Sunday. The video that was waiting for me in my email was a live performance they had
done on the BBC's, The Graham Norton Show, in February 2011. It was a beautiful
performance and not a guitar in sight. There were six violists, two cellists and a drummer; all
female. The drummer was the remarkable Holly Hardy, and I believe the other eight musicians
are with the BBC National Orchestra in Wales.

Go watch it on YouTube. Just search for Hurts Graham Norton HD. When you watch it,
imagine for a moment Lena at the keyboard singing, Julia standing singing, and those
wonderful musicians playing behind them. That's where people are in the pop genre space,
and that's where the girls need to be.

Can you imagine what t.A.T.u.'s live performances of 30 Minutes would have been like if the
composition had been written for violins instead of guitars? The people who attended those
performances would still be crying today.

What did you write to (Lena), (Julia), (t.A.T.u.)?

Will you post the letters you wrote?

No. They were very personal.

Did you come away with anything from this?

You mean like the flu? I know what you mean.

Yes, I did. A great sadness for Lena and Julia; especially Julia. I think they gave up so much,
for so little.

I came away with a love for the names; Taty, Yulia, t.A.T.u. Come Back, and Finding
t.A.T.u.

Honestly, I came away with far to much to ever put into words. There has been very little in
my life that has affected me the way that t.A.T.u. did in March. When I sat down that Monday
morning, I thought that t.A.T.u. was just two girls singing, putting out a few albums, having
some big girl-fight behind Moscow State Apartment Block Number 6, and moving on
separately. Emotionally, it turned out to be so much more than that; all of it very difficult to put
into words. With just a few changes, they could have been so much more than they were.
That's what I kept realizing the more I looked into those 10 years. They were so close, so
many times, to breaking away from the act and becoming true, professional artists. And
when they did finally breakaway from it in the mid-2000s, it was much too late. They just
never had anyone there to help them. It just seemed to me that so many people had let them
down over the years.

But there was a reverse-side to that also. For example; when t.A.T.u. performed Not Gonna
Get Us at the 2003 MTV Music Awards, it was so well done and the girls performed so
brilliantly, that I could not honestly say that they were on the wrong path. That was one of the
few video clips that I watched and truly enjoyed. It was a remarkable piece of work. That, and
a few video clips I had watched of the girls performing 30 Minutes, in either Russian or
English, live at different venues. Those performances were so somber, and the mood of the
girls so serious; you could see the people attending were absolutely mesmerized by their
singing; and quite a few it brought to tears. There are very few artists that can bring out that
kind of emotion in people; Enya, Elaine Paige, Jewel, Lisa Gerrard, M83, and for those few
minutes, t.A.T.u. It was truly beautiful to hear.

What legacy did t.A.T.u. leave the world? 200 Po Vstrechnoy, and 200 km/h in the Wrong
Lane. There's a lot in those albums the girls can be very proud of. It's almost like they gave
the entire world a gift.

And too, I think I mourned the loss of that innocence that t.A.T.u. had when they started at
that fence. I mean seriously; what other female vocalists have ever worn knee pads when
they performed? They were just so crazy, so irreverent; they were such brats, but had this
incredible talent. That's why people loved them so much, and why they felt like they had lost a
very close friend when t.A.T.u. ended. It was almost like I was able to watch them grow up
through 10 years; in only 2 days. I heard the way their music changed through their albums,
and I watched the way they changed through all the videos I watched. It was a little surreal.
And when t.A.T.u. was finished with them, I saw how they re-entered the world through their
solo work.

Something happened to them between the release of 200 km/h in the Wrong Lane in 2002,
and Dangerous and Moving in 2005. To this day, I don't know what that something is; but
something changed. For some reason, in that period, the girls were left with absolutely no
direction in their careers, or their music. I could almost hear the conversation those two must
have had:

Lena, what do we do now?

I don't know, Yulka. I saw some lyrics in that bottom drawer, maybe we can use those for the
next album.

Yulka, do you have any money? I'm hungry.

No, Lena. I spent my last 10 rubles paying for that music video. Let's check the soda
machine, there might be some kopeks in the coin-return.

Yulka? We're screwed, aren't we?

Yes, Lena. We are.

Somewhere in that period, they started their downward slide. It was like they were walking
along, hand-in-hand, and just walked off the edge of a cliff. I would guess it happened mid to
late 2004, about one year before the second release. Maybe someday I'll find out what
happened. It wasn't Julia's pregnancy; female artists get pregnant all the time, and then
continue on after a short break. It wasn't Ivan and Neformat being sent to the Gulag; that was
cause for celebration. It was something else; something much more serious. Maybe Lena and
Julia should have ended then, sometime in 2004, and continued on as solo artists.

I think too that I came away not liking Lena very much. Lena was always the smarter one and
perhaps, wise beyond her years. In those tons of papers I had read in March was an interview
about the movie, You and I. I don't remember who was being interviewed, or even in what
context the question was asked, but the exchange went something like this:
Tell me your first impression of the girls.

Lena reads; Julia reads menus.

I don't know exactly how Julia wound up in t.A.T.u., but I imagined Lena and Ivan sitting in
some dark Moscow coffee shop talking about Ivan's little project:

Lenka, honey. We need a second girl. You can't very well kiss yourself.

You know Comrade, I have this girl in mind. She's cute and very impressionable; she'd be
perfect.

In those very early years, Lena had a responsibility to take care of her friend. Lena was older,
smarter, wiser, and she should have watched over her. But, like everyone else that had even
the slightest hint of responsibility, she failed miserably. I think Lena saw Julia as nothing more
than a stepping stone on her climb to something better. Lena saw what was happening to
Julia over those years, and it was Lena that was in the perfect position to keep Julia's feet on
the ground, and to try and stop what was happening to her.

I think Lena could see all the way down that road they were on; Julia couldn't see beyond the
next 30 minutes. I know, that was bad. I think when Lena did look down it, all she needed to
keep herself strong was to say to herself, I can get through this. I can get through this. But
Lena could have just as easily taken Julia's hand and said, We can get through this. We can
get through this. But she never did.

And even as I write this today, Lena is still using Julia; in a horrible and morbid way.

What did I come away with? I came away with Julia, or the lifetime memory of her. t.A.T.u.,
and the people that started her down that road so long ago, took away everything that she
was, everything that she wanted or tried to be, and everything that she could have been, and
left her nothing. When people look back over their lifetimes, they remember people they never
knew well, or perhaps even knew at all. People, although not really known, that left a lasting
impression; an impression that would last a lifetime. For me, Julia is one those people. I don't
know her, I've never met her, and I doubt that I ever will. We travel in very different social
circles. But those two days in March left an impression; one I'll carry with me always.

And in the future, if I raise a glass and toast to absent friends; Julia will be among those, and
I'll wish her well.

That's what I came away with.

Do you want anything for this?

This what? The story I wrote, or what I sent to Lena and Julia? No, of course not to either. I
occasionally write about one experience or another. Sometimes writing helps me organize my
thoughts, or helps me sort out my feelings about some topic. The topic in this case was
t.A.T.u.
No, that's not true I do want something. Actually, I want two things.

1. Someday, I want Lena and Julia to sign and send Janice their first album from the
reformed Taty II.
2. I want Julia to answer one question for me.

Will you write more about (t.A.T.u.), (the girls), (solo careers) way to many to list.

No. Never again. I think those two days in March were some of the saddest days in my life,
especially Tuesday afternoon.

That afternoon, when I held the photograph of Julia standing before the mannequin in
Eralash, and the CD with her Eralash videos, I had these big tears in my eyes; the kind you
know that if you blink, it will be over. That's when Janice came into the room late that Tuesday
afternoon, when I was ready to leave. When I saw her, I blinked; and it was over. That was
when she took the photograph of Julia and the CD I was holding. I think she felt that
somehow my sadness was her fault, and see started to actually cry. We made quite a sight in
that room for a time.

As strong as I am, I just couldn't stop the tears from leaking out. Julia was standing there in
the photograph, completely oblivious to what was coming her way. I just felt such a terrible
sadness that had been building up since that Monday, and I had no idea why. They were just
two silly girls from Russia that in reality, didn't add much to the world of music. They made no
real lasting contribution to anything, really. So why was I so sad?

I think because they did add a little to the world. They were cute, and funny; they were silly,
and outrageous. And that's what the world lost after 2003. In that year, they were at their
height; both as artists, and in their shared insanity. I was just so sad to see that lost. And I
was sad for Julia; for the price she paid for t.A.T.u., and the future she should have had. And
for those two crazy girls at the fence, in the rain, that the world will never see the likes of
again.

I never knew of t.A.T.u. before March. But after watching their magic for only a few days, I
know the world is a far lesser place without them in it, together.

There are so many things that could be written about t.A.T.u., Lena, Julia, and those years
beyond the fence. I'm sad that I don't have the ability to write about them in the way they
deserve to be remembered. Someone far wiser and articulate than I should record that period
and capture the girl's thoughts, feelings, and emotions over those years. I don't know how to
write those words, but I know they should be written.

I remember a line Jodie Foster spoke in the movie, Contact, when she looked out and saw an
unimaginably beautiful galaxy, and didn't have the words to describe it: They should have
sent a poet.

So although I'll never write about them again; I will never forget them, and those two days we
all lived together in March. I'll set my phone calendar to alert me once a year, and maybe
check the web to see what they're up to. I'll set the date for May 12 th; it seems quite fitting.
And maybe someday when I open my mail, I'll find a coffee cup from Mosfilm, in Russian, and
a note that says Thank-you, and I'll know that I need to go out and buy a movie. Or maybe
there will be a CD, signed by Lena and Julia, for Janice.

Far stranger things have happened in my life.

What happened to all the stuff you had? Will you (give it to me), (donate it to
fansite), (etc...)

All the items that were loaned were returned to their owners; most of those were my perverted
employees. The rest of the materials were downloads, copies, or photographs that should
never have seen the light of day; especially the movie, You and I. Except for one CD that I
kept, and one photograph that I let Research put up on their wall, everything else went to the
shredder.

Can (I), (we), (us) post this on our (forum), (website), (fansite), (etc...)?
Can (I), (we), (us) send this to (Lena), (Julia), (both)?

Of course. Have a good time. Please don't change or rewrite anything, and if you do send it to
the girls, please pass on my best wishes to them.

If you could tell (Julia), (Lena), (them), (.t.A.T.u.), (the girls) one thing, what would it be?

, .

Can I write and say hi to Janice?

Will Janice write to me?

No one wants to write to me?

She doesn't mind if you write to her. She uses the 2DaysWithTatu@gmail.com address for
anything related to this. I'm sure she would love to hear from you. I think she'll write back if
she gets a question she's able to answer, but that's entirely up to her. I don't read or comment
on her emails. However, knowing Janice, she won't trade emails with you if you're a guy and
she doesn't know you. That's just the way she is.

Please tell (me), (us) more about you and Janice.

What's happened with you two since March?
Are you two still together?
Etc..
Etc..

Why would anyone care about us? We're probably very boring people.
Janice and I left the company we were at when I looked into t.A.T.u., and wrote Lena and
Julia. One night in April, I was sitting at the desk in our home and Janice was watching a
movie. She never watches broadcast television. She told me a long time ago that she
watched television once when she was in high school and didn't like it. Since we've been
together, she's never watched the news, a series or a movie on television. The only thing
she's ever watched since we've been together are her old movies on the VHS and DVD
players. That night, she was watching Casablanca and I was sitting at my desk just watching
her occasionally wipe her tears away with the back of her hand as Humphrey Bogart was
saying goodbye for the last time to Ingrid Bergman.

The only light in the room came from a small desk lamp I had on, and the glow from the wall
screen. As I sat watching her, I thought once again how nice it would be to be married to her;
to have that sense of permanence. I guess honestly, I had wanted to ask her that every day
since we met, but was always quite the coward. I certainly knew how we felt about each other,
but was always terrified that she would say no. But that night, sitting at desk and watching her
in her pajamas in the glow of the screen, I thought again to our first meeting, and how we both
knew that we would always be together. Perhaps in the future, if she let me know in some
way how she felt about marriage, I would have the nerve to ask her. It seemed like a good
solution, even though my mind was still screaming, Coward!

The movie was ending and I was still sitting there watching Janice, thinking how cute she
always seemed to look, when she slowly turned around on the couch and looked at me with a
kind of a faraway look on her face. She looked at me for a few seconds and said, I want to
marry you. I had absolutely no words, for my brain had ceased to function. I remember sitting
at my desk without the slightest ability to speak, or even think. I felt as if I had just ridden the
space shuttle into orbit, sitting on the wing. I have absolutely no idea how long I sat at my
desk, just looking at her. I know at some point I replied, I want to marry you, too. I have for
long time.

How long?

Jan, I've wanted to marry you since the morning we met.

Me too. I didn't know what to do.

What do we do?

How about get married, moron. But I have three requests.

Anything. What do you need?

That we get married at my parent's house, that I pick the date, and you don't see me until the
morning of the wedding. I'll go my parent's the day before.

Alright.

Janice said she wanted to be married on May 7th, and that her parents would back to Aspen a
few days before that to open the house for the summer. Well, isn't that a happy coincidence.
We would get married in a very simple ceremony with just her parents there. She didn't want
a wedding gown, just for us to wear the clothes we normally wore. The vows would be a very
simple; I do, I do, kiss the bride. We went to the mall the next day to pick out Janice's ring. As
we walked into the mall, I stopped at the store directory map on the lighted board to find the
jewelry stores, but she took my arm and lead me to a jewelry store around the corner. She
knew that was there, how? As I looked at all the rows of lighted cases, I had no idea where to
even begin. How do you even find a ring in all that stuff? But Janice took my hand and lead
me over to one of cases and pointed down. Those, she said. What those? Those aren't
diamond wedding rings, I replied. She was pointing to two absolutely plain, very thin silver
rings. I thought maybe I understood.

Since we've been together, Janice has never worn any jewelry. She has no rings, no watches,
no earrings and no necklaces. She told me once when I asked her, that she never liked any of
that stuff. She doesn't have any of the usual girl-stuff that one would except her to have. She
only has two small tube things of makeup stuff that she never uses. That's all she has in the
girl-stuff category. She never wears nail polish (which is great because I hate it) and
somewhere, and I haven't found out where yet, she has some kind of spray paint for her hair.
She came downstairs one evening and her hair was green. She was the cutest thing I had
ever seen in my life. She's never had a purse or bag. She has a little plastic folding thing that
she carries her driver's license, a credit card and a few dollars in. She has a small cell phone
that she carries, but she's never turned it on.

I asked why those rings? She simply replied, They're the same. The clerk came over and I
asked her for the two rings. Janice held out her hand and the clerk put them both in it. Then
she closed her hand around the rings, and just stood that way for a few moments. When she
opened her hand, I half expected to see that they had somehow transmuted into gold, and I
smiled at the thought. Janice however turned and gave me a slightly stern look. How does
she do that? She handed them back to clerk, and asked if they could be sized while we
waited. About 10 minutes later, the clerk gave the rings back to Janice in little boxes. I paid for
the rings with just the money I had in my pocket. All the way home, Janice held the bag with
the rings close to her chest the same way a four year old holds a stuffed animal. It was
somehow very touching.

When we got home, Janice went upstairs and put the rings away. She left that Friday morning
and went to her parent's house. She had a very small bag with her and when she stood at the
door to say goodbye, she had tears in her eyes. I asked her if she was alright and she put her
hand on my cheek and said, Of course, and also reminded me that I could be such a moron
at times. We would be married at 10am the next morning. I think I sat at the desk all day, lost
in thought and thinking about Janice. It was just one random thought after another; how we
met, our years together, and some of the strange things she does that makes her Janice.

There have been times over the years when I would walk out into the backyard, and almost
expected to see a child's record player, with an antenna attached pointing skywards. She's
one of the finest media consultants in world, and she doesn't have an email address. She
doesn't even have a computer. She says she wants one, but says she hasn't found one yet
that talks to her. One day we were in Best Buy walking through the computer section and
every now and then she would stop, put her hand on top of one of the computers and stand
that way for a moment; she'd shake her head no, and we'd move on.
One day we were going back to the company we had just left for lunch, and to say goodbye to
some of the people we had worked with. We walked up the hallway to the the entrance door
that opens to the offices. All the doors there required a card key to unlock the door and as
Janice walked up to the door, she put her hand on the pad that reads the card keys. The door
lock clicked and unlocked. She just said, It's always been broken.

We had lunch that day with the owner of the corporation and his wife. They're a wonderful
couple in their 60s and from what they said, had been together about 40 years. The four of us
sat and talked for several hours, and he laughed when he mentioned that he had heard that I
had asked that Janice be brought on board as a consultant, as a condition of getting me.
Janice and I told them why that was important to us. I think over those hours, Janice and I told
them just about everything there is to tell about us. How we met, the companies we had
consulted at, our home and our lives together. Janice even showed his wife the small tattoo
she had gotten with my name in Japanese script. His wife asked us if we thought 64 years old
was to old to get a tattoo. Of course not.

He talked some about how much he wanted Janice and I to stay at the company, to the point
that it became a true name your own salaries offer. Janice and I politely declined, and told
him why. It was simply of case of time spent together being more important than working. He
and I talked some about the BBC, and the shows we liked to watch, and found out that we
had a few shows in common. At the end of our lunch, we thanked them both for their
kindness, and started to leave. As Janice and I approached the door, he asked, You two; who
are you, really? I recognized the question as one that was asked of a character in a show he
and I both liked. I thought it only fitting to give him the same answer the character had given. I
answered, very truthfully, The stuff of legend.

Janice doesn't have a watch, but she always knows exactly what time it is.

One day we were driving her SUV to the office and she was playing with the GPS navigator. I
could see was getting a little frustrated with it, and I asked her what was wrong. She said it
wasn't talking to her. It has a male voice that gives the directions, and Janice says she's in
love with him. However, today he wasn't talking to her. I said that it might be alright since we
were only three blocks from the office, and had driven this way several hundred times. She
wasn't amused. I looked at the display and suggested that maybe, if she touched the blinking
Mute button, they might once again become one. She gave me cynical look, pushed the
button and had this big grin when my competition said, Turn Left Now.

I looked out the side window and wondered why she was so infatuated with the GPS, and
then it came to me! The people on her planet don't have GPS and this would be strange,
magical technology to them. I smiled to myself, and turned back to look at Janice. She was
giving me the, I love you dearly, but you're a moron look. I half-expected her to say, Yes, we
do; just before I was beamed up to the alien ship in orbit to begin some very unpleasant
medical experiments.

I love her more than life itself, but she does do some strange things. It's just her way.

That's how I passed that Friday. Just random thoughts about Janice, and the time we've spent
together.
Saturday morning I drove to her parent's house in Aspen and arrived about 9am. The wedding
was about an hour away and I spent the time talking with parents and the priest. Her parents
told me stories of Janice growing up. I learned that once in third grade, she had organized a
labor action. All the eight year-olds were refusing to do any work until the staff opened the
windows. It was a nice spring day and the kids wanted the fresh air in the classroom. Janice
had convinced all of them to stop working until they were opened. They opened the windows.

I told them of Janice's love for the GPS voice and that I was a little worried they might run off
together. They thought that was pretty amusing, but her father gave me kind of strange look
that no one else saw. It was similar to Janice's, You're a moron look. I thought I'd find a way
to ask him about it later. The four of us walked out into back yard. The no arranged positions
so we just stood on lawn near the house and turned back towards it. At 10am, Janice walked
out. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life.

I had always thought of Janice as heart-breakingly cute, but today, she was just so beautiful.
She was wearing white tennis shoes, white socks, a beautiful white sundress and blue hair.
She had spray-painted her hair again. It looked wonderful. I looked at her parents and smiled.
They smiled back warmly, but with a look that said, Sorry. We tried to raise her right. I think
they did just fine. Janice walked up to me, took my hand and we turned toward the priest. She
had given me her ring before she left, and she had mine. We took the vows and as I slipped
the ring on her finger, I thought how nice it really looked on her. She put the ring on me and
we kissed. I think for much longer than is usually customary, but I don't know for sure. I
seemed not to be thinking clearly, again.

We walked back to the house to have some coffee and talk. Her parents talked about moving
back to Cardiff and retiring permanently there, and how they missed it and their desire to visit
all the European cities that they had always put off seeing. Janice's father got up and walked
to his desk and came back with an envelope, handed it to Janice and I, and sat back down. I
thought maybe he had given us a check as wedding gift, so I thanked both of them and
started to put the envelope in my pocket. Janice's father said that we might want to look at it
first. I looked at Janice and she gave me a little nod, so I opened the envelope and began
reading. It was the deed and title to their Aspen home, made out to Janice and I. They had
given us their home as a wedding gift. I looked at Janice and she was crying. I stood up,
shook her father's hand, thanked him and Janice's mother and promised to take care of both
their beautiful gift, and their beautiful daughter.

Janice had lived there, off and on, for her entire life so she stayed behind while her father and
I walked through the house. We weren't paying attention to the house, but rather having a few
moments to talk. I asked him if Janice had always had some ability, some way of looking at
the world that the rest of us don't. He said yes, that she had always done things that might
seem a little strange, but were harmless. They too had accepted that it was just her way. He
told me that Janice had always seemed to be searching for something, and hadn't stopped
until she found me. I told him that I had been the same way, and hadn't stopped until I had
found her.

And then he told me something strange. All through high school and six years of university,
Janice had never dated. She had never gone out to dinner with a boy, had never gone out to
see a movie, had never even talked to some love-stricken boy the phone. He told me that
they had become a little worried and asked her several times about it, but that she would
always reply in the same way and just say, He's not here yet. He told me that when she and
I met and started dating, they both breathed a sigh of relief and said to each other, He's here
now.

I knew for reasons I won't explain that she had never been in what I would call a serious
relationship, but I didn't know that about her. I had never asked about her past relationships
since I knew I would be asking questions that I didn't want the answers to. I thanked him for
talking to me, and we walked back downstairs.

Janice and I went out again to the backyard. We walked for few minutes and I told her that I
had never been in love before and never even knew what it was, until I met her. She turned to
me, put her hand on my cheek, and with tears in her eyes, told me that she had waited a long
time for me and that her whole life was just the journey to where we met. I looked down at her
and was going to tell her how terribly much I loved her when my phone started beeping. I
thought I had left it home, but I guess not. I took it out of my pocket and looked at the screen.

There on the screen was the calendar page that had triggered the alarm and it said, Janice's
Birthday. I had completely forgotten about that. I had talked to her about what she wanted for
her birthday and she had told me that she wanted to get her own gift this year, and that it was
something very important to her. She had also gone out at about the same time to buy a new
sundress, the one she was now wearing. I put away my phone, took her hand and said,
Happy Birthday, and asked if she had gotten the gift she wanted. She said it was the most
perfect birthday ever, and thanked me for letting her pick her own gift. I loved her so much, it
was almost painful.

I told her it might be a little difficult to get her a better gift next year. She looked at me with her
beautiful blue hair and blue eyes and said, You've already given me next year's gift, and it is
so much better.

Oh? What did I get you?

Pregnant.

I pulled her to me and kissed the top of her head, and asked if her parents knew. She said no,
that they were coming over next week after the house was packed and she wanted us to tell
them then. I said alright, and we went back in the house. Janice and I said goodbye to her
parents and since we both had a vehicle there, we reluctantly decided to drive them both
home. I knew she would be alright; she had her GPS soul-mate and I was sure he would keep
her busy. I found that thought disturbing, but funny.

That week, we decided that we would move into the home in Aspen as soon as it was ready,
and we put ours on the market. I asked Janice if she thought we should get rid of the SUVs,
and perhaps get a car. We had decided when we left the last company that we would not ever
be going back to work, so I thought having two big trucks might be a little foolish. I had bought
her SUV as a birthday gift last year, and she bought mine a month later. When I suggested we
get rid of the trucks, she had an absolute look of horror on her face. I was a little concerned
and asked what was wrong. She said we could not get rid of her truck. I asked her why, that it
was just a truck. She looked me, with the same look of horror and said, The GPS in it. I said,
Janice, the car will have GPS.
I knew better than to make fun of her, she really looked scared. I told her that we could keep
it, but I couldn't drive it because the pedals were to far forward. Janice isn't very tall, about 5
foot 3, and we had to have the dealership bring the pedals forward a little so she could reach
them. She said, No, the car GPS won't be the same. It won't talk to me. Then her eyes
brightened a little and she said, Maybe they can take it out. I asked, Out? What out? She
replied, The truck. Maybe they can take the GPS out of the truck. I told her that it might be
part of truck, or at least part of the console. But I promised her we would go to the dealership
on Monday and talk to them about it. If they couldn't take it out, we would keep her truck. She
kissed me, and thanked me for understanding. I have never understood her infatuation with
the GPS, and knew I never would.

On Monday, we drove her truck down to dealership and pulled into the service bay. This was
going to be difficult, to say the least. I asked for both the dealership and service managers
and when they arrived, I told them that Janice and I would like to speak to them privately for a
few minutes. When we were in an office and seated, I told them that we were here to
purchase a new car and would be trading in the SUV, but only if they could remove the GPS
safely from the truck. They looked at each other and then back to me asked why. I told them
that the why wasn't important, but maybe selling us a very expensive car today was. The
service manager told us that he thought the GPS was embedded in the console, and probably
couldn't be removed without damaging the truck.

I said, Look, if you safely remove the GPS and all its components, I will give you what's left of
the truck, and buy a car. I looked at Janice and she was looking at me with such love in her
eyes. and I smiled at her. The service manager left, came back in, said they would do it and
asked Janice for the keys. She said, No. I have to be there when you take it out. He said,
Ma'am, we can't allow customers in the service area. I said, She goes with it, or we go
home. Your choice. They let both Janice and I go with it. They pulled the truck into a service
stall, and two of their technicians came over to the truck. They seemed to know what they
were doing and while one started taking console apart, the other technician started taking
down the headliner to remove the GPS antenna.

They were both completely infatuated with Janice, and kept asking her if they could get
something for her; coffee, water, soda, chair, them? It was pretty funny. I told Janice that I was
going to leave for few minutes and look at what they had in the showroom. She said alright,
but please come back soon. I promised I would, and walked out of the service area. I looked
at a couple cars in the showroom and found one that looked perfect for us. I saw the
dealership manager looking me and I pointed to the car and shook my head. He walked down
and asked if he could ask me a question. I knew what was coming, but said yes, he could. He
asked me why the GPS from the truck was so important to me.

The manager seemed very sincere, so I told him. I explained that it was only important to me,
because it was important to Janice. That it was Janice that wanted the GPS out of truck, and
it was because she had some strange connection to it. I explained that I didn't know what the
connection was, but it was very important to her that it not be left behind, and that it be
removed safely. He thanked me for the explanation, and we both walked back to the service
area. He left to talk to the service manager, and I went back to Janice and saw that they had
the GPS unit out, and sitting on the seat. The display, the antenna, a small metal box, and lots
of wires. The inside of truck looked terrible; the headliner was down, the console was torn
apart, the stereo system had been cut out, and a lot of things under the steering wheel looked
seriously out of place.

The service manager walked over, asked if he could take the GPS for a few minutes, and
gave Janice his word that he would take care of the it. She told him he could, but looked a
little uneasy. I asked Janice if she would like to look at the car I had found, and we walked out
of the service area together. She loved the car and since it also had a GPS, I asked her if she
would use it. She said no, it was just a GPS and she probably wouldn't bother with it. I was
pretty sure the car breathed a sigh of relief knowing it's GPS won't be pulled out by the roots
someday. Of course, I shouldn't have thought that; Janice gave me "the look" as she climbed
into the back seat to look at the baby-seat attachments.

She spent a few minutes in the back seat, and then climbed out. She and I walked over and
told salesperson that we wanted the car, and that the dealership manager had the purchase
details. The transaction only took about 15 minutes. I signed over the truck title to the
dealership, and signed the purchase agreement on the car. I noticed that they had discounted
the car, and I thanked him for that. I wrote a check for the car and they drove it off to get it
ready for Janice and I to drive home. A few minutes later, the service manager walked through
the showroom carrying a small, open box with the two technicians that had removed in tow. I
heard the technicians arguing over which one of them would show it to her, and I smiled. The
three of them came into the office, and the manager handed the box to Janice. It only
weighed a few pounds and true to his word, they had taken good care of it.

The wires were neatly rolled up and had plastic clips to hold them in place. They had found a
small metal panel and the GPS display was clipped into it, and then I noticed something else.
There was a small battery in the corner and some of the wires were connected to it, and to a
small speaker. I asked the manager what the battery was for, and he reached down into the
box and turned on a small switch. The GPS display lit up and displayed the map that Janice
and I had followed driving to the dealership that morning. He pressed a button on the display
and when the next screen appeared, touched a button that said Test, and a second or so
later, the GPS spoke to Janice in her lover's voice and said, Test Complete. Ready. He
pushed another button, and the map reappeared. Janice had the biggest grin on her face, like
someone would if they had just won a lottery. The manager showed her how to get to the
Test button again, and then reached down and turned it off. He handed her the GPS
instruction manual, and the service people said goodbye to us.

Our new car pulled up and we thanked the sales people, and walked to the car. Janice carried
her box, and carried it on her lap as we drove away. She said she wanted to get something at
a small furniture store that we sometimes visit, and asked if we could stop. We pulled in to the
store, and I asked her if she wanted me to come with her and she said, No. It will only take a
minute. When she left, I sat in the car looking at the GPS she had left on her seat, and tried
to mentally compute how much it actually cost. I just smiled and gave up when the number of
zeroes at that end became larger than my brain could handle. She came out a few minutes
later, and a store employee was carrying a very nice, small table. I got out and opened the
trunk, thanked the employee, and we drove home.

When we arrived, I got the table out the trunk, and Janice carried the box into the house and
into our office. I followed her and when she had picked a place for table, she put her GPS on
it. She had a wonderful smile on her face and tears in eyes, and when she reached down and
put her hand on the display, I knew there would never be any cost, nor any effort, to high to
make her happy.

Her parents drove down at the end of the week, and we spent the morning visiting a train
museum that Janice had wanted to see. Every now and then, she would stop and put her
hand on one of the old train engines, leave it there for a moment, and then smile. When we
returned home, Janice and her mother made lunch in the kitchen, and talked about whatever
it is that girls and their mothers talk about when they're together in a kitchen. Probably more
secret girl-training to use against me someday. Her father and I went into the office to talk
about the Aspen home and he told me that their furnishings had been removed into cargo
containers, and the containers were on their way to Cardiff. He gave me a package with all
the miscellaneous things Janice and I would need to move in and then he looked around the
office and noticed Janice's GPS on the small table.

He gave me quite a questioning look, and we walked over to it. He asked what it was and I
told him it was the GPS from Janice's truck, and I told him the story behind it. I told him that I
would never understand her infatuation with it, but if she had some need to have it here, then
it was hers. And then I remembered the look he gave me on our wedding day when I told the
story of Janice and her GPS soul-mate. I asked if I had said something that perhaps had
offended him. He gave me a strange look and asked, She's never told you why she loves the
GPS?

No. I've asked her several times. She just says that it 'talks' to her.

Well, in a way it does.

Are you saying that thing does talk to her? I immediately recognized my level of confusion. I
had the exact same condition in March.

Jim, have you ever heard it give directions when you two were driving in her truck?

Many times. She had it on all the time. She'd turn it on if she was just putting the truck in the
garage.

But have you ever really listened to it?

I guess not. It's just some male voice giving GPS driving commands.

Jim; Janice doesn't love the GPS just because it has a male voice. She loves it because it
talks to her in your
voice. That GPS voice sounds exactly like you. That's why Janice is so attached to it; every
time it 'talks' to her, it's you. Margaret and I recognized the voice immediately, the first time we
rode in the truck with her.

And with that, I left her father, walked into the kitchen and gave Janice a small kiss. She
looked at me with those wonderful blue eyes, put her hand on my cheek, and smiled.

Her mother told us to come out to the patio for lunch and as the four of sat eating, Janice told
her parents that she was pregnant. The next few minutes watching Janice and her mother
were memorable; laughing, crying, something approaching hysteria, and a lot of hugging. Her
parents promised to return for the birth and after we talked for a little while longer, they left.
Late that evening, Janice was in her pajamas and watching her favorite movie. I was sitting
with her and when she wiped away her tears, she wiped them on my sleeve. I turned off the
wall screen just as Ingrid Bergman took off for whatever fate awaited her, and Janice laid
down with her head on my leg.

I had wondered over the last several days, that if the opportunity ever presented itself to find
out, did I want to know the baby's gender before the delivery. And as I sat there with Janice's
head on my leg and my hand on her head, I knew that I did. I moved my hand through her
hair, and lowered my head slightly to ask her if she also wanted to know, and she said in a
very low, sleepy voice, It's a girl. And with that, she fell asleep. As I sat there holding Janice,
I knew that we would pick the same name for her. It was no surprise.

And someday, in the far future, if our daughter asks us how we picked her name; I'll walk to
the desk, take out a CD in a clear case, and hand it to her. The one with the small white label
on it that says simply, Julia Eralash.

Janice told me once that she doesn't dream. But I think she does, a little. Every so often that
night, she would raise her arm very slightly and open her hand, leave it there for a moment,
smile, and lower her arm. Some rusting car engine was telling her its story, or she was telling
some errant machine to shape up and act right.

Janice and I often take long quiet walks together, very late at night. And while I walk with her
close to me, I sometimes marvel at the destiny that brought us together, and how thankful I
am that it did. And I wonder too where it will lead us, and perhaps, how we'll get there. But
then I realize, we need never worry about becoming lost along destiny's road.

For Janice has her GPS, and I know in my heart the directions it will give us; Second star to
the right, and straight on till morning.

Jim & Janice

Aspen, Colorado, USA
2DaysWithTatu@JustSittingHere.com