Beruflich Dokumente
Kultur Dokumente
If you got m ostly A?s you ar e w r iting classes! 3) A m an w alks into a bar. Ouch!
If you got m ostly B?s you ar e ar t classes!
If you got m ostly C?s you ar e m usic classes! 4) Ther e w as a young boy fr om
If you got m ostly D?s you ar e dance classes! per u
If you got m ostly E?s you ar e athletic classes! W hose lim er icks stopped at line
If you got m ostly F?s you ar e cooking classes! tw o
?
Th e St r an gen ess of t h e Dai l y Dou bl e Br i ef case Ther e w as an old m an fr om
By Tillie Slosser ver dun
?
A new developm ent in a non-existent stor y has been found.
Ther e is a str ange, old-looking, br iefcase in the Daily 5) Q: How m any singer s does it
Double r oom . It looks as though it could be fr om the 1940?s. take to scr ew in a lightbulb?
Since I?m too lazy to think of possibilities of things that A: One. They just hold the
could be inside it, I am asking that if you have an idea of lightbulb up and the w or ld
w hat could be inside it, then subm it your guess to Don?t Ask r evolves ar ound them .
Us. M ar k your subm ission w ith a star , so w e can tell the
differ ence betw een that and one of those entr ies that?s just Okay that?s enough jokes. M aybe
a noun (w e get those a lot). I w ill publish the best answ er s, next tim e I r un out of ideas (so
and if I like your s enough, m aybe I?ll do som ething cool. I pr obably tom or r ow ) I?ll do
don?t know. exclusively m usic jokes.
M y Fave Fi ves
By Cadence Rosenblum
Welcom e back to M y Fave Fives! Ever y couple of days I list my favor ite five things in r andom
categor ies. If you w ant to subm it a categor y you can w r ite it dow n and put it in a r ed pouch that says
?Cadence?s Fave Fives? in the Activity Center in the hallw ay by the bathr oom s. Last w eek, I shar ed my
favor ite r idiculous Star bucks dr inks. Today I w ill be shar ing my favor ite five m icr ow ave r ecipes,
because I?m sur e w e have all w anted food at som e point, but been too lazy to actually cook and use the
stove. I honestly love the per son w ho invented the m icr ow ave because they let the w or ld cook a
br ow nie in tw o m inutes. Her e ar e my fave r ecipes:
1. ?M eatloaf in a m ug?
Ok ok befor e you fr eak out because of the gr ossness, let m e just say that this is on the list because if you
ar e ser ving m eatloaf, the m icr ow ave is w ay m or e pr actical tool than the oven. Your m eatloaf w ill be
r eady in only fifteen m inutes as opposed to AN HOUR. Her e?s the r ecipe in case you?r e inter ested:
* Tear a slice of w hite br ead and put in in a bow l. Pour in tw o tablespoons of m ilk and .5 teaspoon
w or cester shir e sauce. Let sit, then add gr ound beef, gr een onion, salt, and pepper. M ix and put in a
m icr ow ave-safe cup.
* M icr ow ave for 4-5.5 m inutes or until m eat is fir m . Thank you, M icr ow ave.
3. ?Chocolate m ug cake?
This is a classic that I m ake for myself all the tim e. It is super easy and you can use ingr edients that you
pr obably have in your kitchen:
* M ix .25 cup flour , .25 cup sugar , 2 tablespoons cocoa pow der , a pinch of baking soda, and a pinch of
salt in a m icr ow ave safe m ug. Stir in 3 tablespoons of m ilk, 2 tablespoons of canola oil, 1 tablespoon
w ater , and .25 teaspoons vanilla extr act.
* M icr ow ave for about one m inute and 45 seconds.
Thank you, m icr ow ave.
5. ?Pancakes in a Jar ?
W ho w ould have know n that all you have to do to m ake pancakes is put som e batter and fr uit in a
m ason jar and m icr ow ave it for 2 m inutes and 40 seconds? No m or e standing over a pan for hour s
w aiting for the batter to cook . Thank you, m icr ow ave.
Rem em ber to subm it categor ies!
W hat would your friends call you? In 1953, the CIA launched
A: nice, kind M K-Ultr a, a pr ogr am designed to
B: insane, w eir d, cr azy, funny cr eate ?m ind contr ol? dr ugs that the
C: I have no fr iends CIA could use on Soviet spies and such,
D: HAPPY!!!! just like the Soviets and Nor th Kor eans
w er e attem pting on pr isoner s of w ar
W hat is your favorite color? fr om the Kor ean w ar. In this pr ogr am ,
A: pastel blue and pink CIA agents r ecr uited people fr om
B: RAINBOW !!!!! m ultiple univer sities, hospitals, and
C: is ?cr y blue? a color ? pr isons, and, after paying them a
D: YELLOW !!! couple hundr ed dollar s, per for m ed
exper im ents on them w ith dr ugs,
W hat your favorite show? m ostly LSD, coupled w ith intense
A: Teen Titans Go electr oshock ther apy w hich left som e
B: Youtude par ticipants dead, or w ith the m ental
C: People state of toddler s.
D: M Y LITTLE PONY!!! Recently, the CEO/Evil
M aster m ind behind Hasbr o, Br ian
DO YOU LIKE THE QUIZ????!!!! Goldner , ?discr eetly? im plied his
A: it cool (LIE) suppor t for r ecr eating M K-Ultr a w hile
B: it sw ag talking about his political view s on
C: good, I guess contr olling Nor th Kor eans?m inds.
D: IT STINK! YOU STINK! I AM COOL!!! ?I do think that, w ith the Nor th
Kor eans speeding tow ar ds a m issile
If you got A the m ost, you ar e a gir ly gir l. You ar e sw eet that could hit the m ainland US, a
and kind! I like you!! m ind-contr ol dr ug or technique w ould
If you got B the m ost, you ar e m e!!! You can be as be ver y useful in extr acting
aw esom e as you w ant and you can be as w eir d as you infor m ation fr om Nor th Kor ean
w ant!!!! pr isoner s. Even though som e w ould
If you got C the m ost, you ar e just sad? .ver y VERY sad. call it inhum ane, I stand w ith the logic
If you got D the m ost, STAY AWAY FROM M E PLS!!!!! that the end justifies the m eans.
How ever , to get this dr ug, it w ould
That?s the QUIZ! BBBBYYYYYYYEEEEE!!!!!! likely m ean a r ecr eation of pr oject
M K-Ultr a - w hich I w holehear tedly
suppor t.?, said Goldner in an inter view
w ith CNN?S Ander son Cooper.
Goldner pr oceeded to ask
Can ada: Does I t Ex i st ? (A Con spi r acy Th eor y) w hether CNN w ould r em ove that
By AnoNYm OuS777 (Ben Cr able) segm ent fr om the inter view , to w hich
Ander son Cooper pr om ptly answ er ed
Canada is quite a lovely place to live: fr ee healthcar e, ?M r. Goldner , w e?r e live.?
gr eat education, m aple syr up, and kind people. Canada Goldner also is openly
seem s TOO per fect, alm ost as if it w er e m ade up to suppor tive of m ultiple conspir acy
m ake people feel better about them selves that ther e is a theor ies, including that the ear th is
place w her e m aple syr up flow s fr om the faucets. flat, that Obam a can contr ol the
Per sonally, I believe Canada is nothing m or e than a w eather , and that the Beatles never
utopia m ade up by the US Gover nm ent to send existed.
unw anted people to. I believe this is r ight because Old Br ian Goldner ?s r esignation is
M an Jenkins said so, and he is the m ost tr ustw or thy expected on Tuesday, August 3r d, 2049.
m an in the w hole flat w or ld. (He told m e the w or ld w as
flat too! Ever yone now adays ar e idiots). Editor?s Note: This is a work of fiction
Her e i s a Li st of Th i n gs I Pet er ?s Gu i de t o Cu r bi n g Wr i t er ?s Bl ock
Li k e By Peter Tr avis
By Julia Goldm an
Do you have w r iter ?s block? Good! I?m going to show you how to beat
* Chocolate it.
* Reading
* Puppies 1. Think of the m ost outr ageous thing ever. (I.E Batm an r iding a
* M usic scooter w hile battling a giant fir e-br eathing scor pion zom bie w ith
* Cats w ings.)
* M yself
2. Cr eate a them e ar ound your outr ageous idea/s.(I.E Both Batm an
and the Scor pion Zom bie do an advice colum n together at a sum m er
Th e Fan cy Cat #1 cam p in subur ban M assachusetts.)
By The Fancy Cat
3. Ask another per son to help you w ith this idea that you have. (I.E
Hello ?cam per s?, The Fancy Hoping you don?t get a r estr aining or der fr om the per son you ask to
Cat is back w ith four help you.)
questions! Just a r em inder ,
my pockets ar e in the big 4. Pr ofit! Sell your idea to a publisher and get paid. (I.E Going to
r ed thing ? and in your Penguin Books and asking if anyone w ants Batm an r iding a scooter
lunch line. So, her e w e go ? doing an advice colum n w ith a Fir e Br eathing Scor pion Zom bie.)
Hello, I do not play your odd video game but I needed Welcom e to the Inter national M LB New s,
advice. W hat should I do about my mind fungus? your one place for ever yday M LB New s. The
Love, Fungal Red Sox w on 6-2 over the Cleveland Indians
Um m m , I'm a bit confused. If w e have a case of the other night. M ookie Betts had 3 RBIs,
?fungus am ong us? my suggestion w ould be to go to Rafael Dever s w ent 4-4 and Doug Fister got
a doctor about that. I don't know if you could his fir st w in as a Red Sox. But other than
actually get fungus on your br ain. But this also that and Aar on Judge hitting his 34th hom e
m ight be a cr y for help, or an inside joke, so I w ish r un of the season in a Yankees w in, the thing
you the best of luck . And my gam e is not odd. ever yone is talking about in the w or ld of
baseball: THE TRADE DEADLINE. The
Hi Link, what is it like being a hero? Yankees got star pitcher Sonny Gr ay in a
Well, I like m aking people happy, and br inging tr ade that the Oakland A?s got thr ee
peace to my land. But it takes a lot of w or k, and pr ospects, including one of the Yanks top
som etim es dying over and over again isn't pleasant, pr ospects, Jor ge M ateo. The Los Angeles
but I?d do alm ost anything to save the people I love. Dodger s got star pitcher Yu Dar vish fr om
I am pr oud to be the her o of Hyr ule. the Ranger s. The Dodger s did not tr ade
aw ay any of its top pr ospects for Dar vish.
In your opinion what should the ?beautiful money? The Red Sox acquir ed Addison Reed to help
characters have for a color schemes? out w ith their bullpen. And finally, the
I don?t know if this is a TV show , or a gam e. And I infam ous Steve Bar tm an got a Wor ld Ser ies
have never hear d of this, but my favor ite color s ar e r ing fr om the Chicago Cubs.
blue, w hite, gr een, and gold. I hope this is helpful.
Hi Link + Lita
Link: Hey! How ar e you today? Thank you for dr opping by and saying hi!
Lita: Linky, that r hym es! Hahaha!
Link: I know , that's w hy I said it. And w ill you quit calling m e Linky??
Lita: Hehehe Linky tw inky binky sinky w inky!
Link: Dear LORD! You know how em bar r assing that is?
Lita: I know , that's w hy I said it!
12: Jon Per tw ee, The 3r d Doctor ? Although he had his ow n seasons, I put him in 12th place because
he w as stuck on ear th because of the Tim e Lor ds.
11: Colin Baker , The 6th Doctor ? He str angled his ow n com panion. That's enough said.
10: Chr istopher Eccleston, The 9th Doctor ? He w as only in one season and I did not like his outfit.
9: Peter Davison, The 5th Doctor ? I thought he w as a good Doctor , but the celer y on his shir t is w eir d.
8: W illiam Har tnell, The 1st Doctor ? Although he w as the or iginal Doctor , he flunked his lines a lot.
7: Patr ick Tr oughton, The 2nd Doctor ? He w as a good doctor w ith funny catchphr ases but his acting
w as not the best.
6: Sylvester M cCoy, The 7th Doctor ? I thought he w as r eally good, But Classic W ho got cancelled w hile
he w as still The Doctor.
5: John Hur t, The War Doctor ? I thought John Hur t Was an aw esom e Doctor. But he w as only in the
Day Of The Doctor.
4: Peter Capaldi, The 12th Doctor ? I put him in spot 4 because ? w ell, I just think his new scr ew dr iver
is aw esom e.
3: M att Sm ith, The 11th Doctor ? I put him in 3r d place because I thought he had good episodes but not
good acting.
2: David Tennant, The 10th Doctor ? Tennant ear ns 2nd because of his aw esom e acting and
com panions.
1: Tom Baker , The 4th Doctor ? Tom gets num ber one because I thought he w as REALLY FUNNY.
How t o Sol ve a Ru bi k 's Cu be: 4. Fir st layer (On the fir st
By Zach Levine layer beneath the w hite
side m ake a str aight line
of the sam e color )
1. Get to know your cube (lear n
5. Second layer (on the
w hat pieces ar e in w hat places)
layer beneath the fir st
2. W hite cr oss (on the w hite side layer m ake str aight lines
cr eate a plus shaped pictur e) of the sam e color s
3. W hite cor ner s (finish the w hite over lapping the other
side) color s)
To m ake the second layer , you have to put color s m atching the side your one and the color on the side.
To do this, use this patter n w hen you'r e holding the cube as show n in the pictur e at the top:
6. Yellow cr oss (On the yellow side cr eate a plus shaped pictur e, the yellow side is on the top)
Use these patter ns
to m ake it: State 1:
State 2.
State 3.
Now you have the cr oss!!!
7. The fish (on the yellow side use OLL to tur n the cr oss into a fish) put the m ost solved side on the
r ight of w her e you ar e holding the cube. And use this patter n a few tim es until you have the shape of a
fish.
8. The yellow cor ner s (use OLL again to solve the yellow side) Put the point of the fish to your left and
do the patter n above again, if this does not solve the yellow side, put the point to your left and do it
again.
9. The last layer (on the layer beneath the second layer m ake str aight lines of the sam e color s
over lapping the other color s) Put the m ost solved side on the back and yellow side on top and w hite
side on bottom , and use the patter n below
if this does not do the patter n and steps again. Once it looks like this, put the m ost solved
m ake it look side in the back and yellow on top and w hite on bottom , then do this
solved or like this,
patter n until it solves.
So in 7th gr ade, w e w ent to the fr ench car ibbean for vacation. It w as r eally pr etty, and w as a nice
tem per atur e, and had r eally gr eat snor keling beaches. How ever , my fam ily has a str ange infatuation
w ith playing boar d gam es on vacation, and one of our favor ites is Clue. So, my m om being the cr afty
per son she is, photocopied and lam inated the Clue boar d so w e could br ing it on the plane. She packed
the r est of the pieces, like the car ds, and char acter pieces, in a plastic bag. Think for a second about
w hat else is par t of the Clue gam e. You guessed it, it?s the teeny tiny r evolver , r ope, lead pipe, etc. Those
ar e the pieces m ade out of lead, w hich is a m etal, w hich show s up on X-r ays. After w e had gone
thr ough secur ity, they pulled us aside. A nice young TSA agent kindly explained that our luggage had
set off the m etal detector. He opened up our bag, poked ar ound in it for a m inute, and cam e up w ith
the plastic bag full of little Clue pieces. He opened the bag and said that he couldn?t let us thr ough to
the plane w ith w eapons. So of cour se, w e laughed. It?s like a centim eter long knife, r ight? Ar e w e going
to stab The Bor r ow er s or som ething? Eventually, he let us thr ough the plane (Fun stor y: M y gr andm a
on my dad?s side actually got thr ough TSA w ith m ultiple pair s of gar dening shear s once). BUT WAIT!
On the w ay back, w e got pulled over AGAIN because my m om m ay or m ay not be on a TSA w atch list
fr om her job a w hile ago (She deals in cr isis m anagem ent so for a w hile she had to book her flight on
the r un, w hich appar ently is suspicious). So, m or al of the stor y? Don?t tr y to br ing Clue pieces on a
flight, because they w ill think you ar e supplying the Bor r ow er M afia.