ThegraphbelowshowsCO2emissionsfordifferentformsoftransportintheEuropeanUnion.

Thepie
chartshowsthepercentageofEuropeanUnionfundsbeingspentondifferentformsoftransport.

400

350

300

250

Series1
200
Column1
150
Column2
100

50

0
passenger buses coaches maritimes rail air
cars

Sales

roads
railways
publictransport
intermodel
inlandwaterway
ports

ThegraphillustratesacomparisonamongbetweenCO2emissionofdifferenttypesoftransportsystems
inEuropeanunion.
According to the bar chart, air transport produces 360 grams CO2 per passenger kilometre which is
considerably the largest amount of CO2 emissions and , followed by car passenger cars with a
dramaticallydecreaseto125gramsCO2perpassengerskilometre.Thecoachesappearwith40grams
CO2perpassengerkilometre.ThelowestproportionofCO2emissionwasallocatedtocoacherwith40
gramswhichisonly10gramslessthanbothmaritimeandrail.

The pie chart also demonstrates the proportion of European Union funds for variety various types of
transportsystem.Apparently,itcanbeclearlyseenthatEuropeanUnionhasspentthelargestamount
of funds on roads and it is followed by 31 percent on railways which is more than twice as much on
publictransport.

Overall,thelowestproportionisallocatedtoairportandinlandandintermodelwiththesamerate(only
onepercentoreachone).

TA:7CC:6LR:6GRA:6>>>Overall:6

You could have a better coverage of the data presented with a better grouping of the information.
Also,youneedbetterstructuresforthistask.

Therearemanydifferenttypesofmusicintheworldtoday.Whydoweneedmusic?Isthetraditional
musicofacountrymoreimportantthantheinternationalmusicthatisheardeverywherenowadays?

Over the last half century, the importance of art in nowadays today's lives has increased beyond our
expectations.Musicamongalltypesofarthasplayedthemainroleinhumanbeingslifeanditsimpact
isanundeniablefact.

Meanwhile,themostimportantissuewhichshouldbeconsideredisthatwhichtypeofmusicwouldbe Comment [Afarinesh1]: Youcannotreferback

totheintroductioninyourbodyparagraphs.
bettertolistenmoreintermsofthevarietyamongvarioustypesofcontemporarymusic.

Overall,therearetwodifferentviewsaboutthisissue,somenationalartistsarestronglyinagreement
that traditional music is generally a symbol of one culture and it would be more valuable if parents
encouragetheirchildrentolearntraditionalmusicinstrumentinsteadoftheclassicalones.Ithasoften
beensaidthatifanationpaysattentionmoretotheirtraditionalart,theirculturewouldbeabletolive
longer.

However, some other artists are disagree with the opinion expressed, ; they pointing out that there
shouldbenobinderiesboundariesinartandpeopleshouldbefreetomaketheirownchoiceandthere
isnoobligatoryobligationforanationtolimitthemselvesjustbyonespecifictypeofmusic.
Inconclusion,withoutsuggestingthatinternationalmusicisnecessarilybetter,butIthinkbynomeans Comment [Afarinesh2]: Ithinkyoumightas
wellchangethisclich.
pointless, in any way, to try to keep alive our traditional music. We should not ignore the modern
musicwhichcanpositivelycontributetothekeepingalivethesurvivaloftraditionalculture.

Onepartofthetopicisnotcovered"WHYWENEED.".Also,youhavetobemorecarefulwithyour
minormistakesingrammarandvocabulary

TR:5CC:6LR:6GRA:6>>>Overall:5+

OverallonbothTasks:5.5

CorrectedandCommentedby:HamedMohammadHosseini