Guide to stealing an election

THE only poll that counts, supposedly, is election day. But for the
sophisticated vote-rigger that is terrible advice. Election day is too
late. If you go around beating up your opponents voters, stuffing ballot
boxes and making up results, someone somewhere is bound to complain. All
those foreign busybodies will take you to task. It enrages the crowd and
it dents your reputation.

It is also unnecessary. If you set about rigging the vote well in advance
(see article), you can have an election that looks all right on the
outside but guarantees the result you want. And nobody will be able to
object. The secret is to obey the ruleshaving first written them
yourself.

It all starts with television, where most voters (especially the poorer
and less-educated) get most of their news. Dont clamp down completelyit
makes you look weak. Tolerate small, ill-funded opposition outlets (not
least so that you have an idea yourself of what is going on). But make
sure that you or your allies control all the main television channels.
Television news should trumpet your successes, portraying you as
statesmanlike, and perhaps also enjoying manly sports and cuddly charity
work.

This makes you the dominant brand in voters minds. Your propaganda
machine should also highlight the oppositions foreign links, making them
look disloyal and alien. It should play up splits and divisions and any
personal foibles (your own vices, meanwhile, must remain state secrets).

This makes the next stages easier. Gerrymandering is an excellent tactic.

In a parliamentary election, corral your opponents votes into places
where they pile up uselessly, while making sure that yours are spread
across plenty of marginal constituencies. If in doubt, look at how it is
done in America. Then sort out the electoral registers: you need tough
registration requirements for the voters who dislike you. You can count
on votes from prisoners, army conscripts and others, so make sure they
are registered en masse.

The laws governing political parties are in your hands too: make them
burdensome. That will sap the oppositions energiesand if they make a
single slip-up, you can always have their candidates struck from the
ballot. Your own party will control a mighty bureaucratic machine and
will meet the requirements easily. A sophisticated twist on this is to
create your own tame opposition parties, in several flavours. They will
distract attention from your real rivals.

You will have to allow some foreigners into your country on polling day.
So make it easy for the right ones (your ideological soul mates and those
from other autocratic countries). Nosy nit-pickers from the West can come
too, but only at the last moment, so they have little time to get
organised. Discredit local election-monitoring outfits as foreign-funded
and partisan. Trumpet your fans verdict at home: it will offset the
complaints from those foreigners who, your television channel can argue,
are secretly bent on doing your country down.

Stuff and nonsense

Do not waste much time campaigning. Anything beyond the odd triumphant
rally makes you seem like a mere politician. Instead say you are too busy
minding the affairs of stateand make sure you are shown on television
doing so.

On polling day hand out free food and booze in poor areas. In places that
will not vote for you, have the polling stations open late and close
early. If necessary, they can run out of ballot papers. Long queues are a
deterrent to busy people.

As insurance, you need to be able to fiddle the results. A computerised

system which is apparently secure but actually accessible is ideal. If
ballot-boxes are used, make sure they can be stored overnight in a
discreet location where, if all else fails, you can add and subtract
votes as necessary. If you get caught, say provocateurs are trying to
discredit you.

None of this helps you run the country when you win. But who said
politics was easy?