Phonetic Phoolishness by H. L.
Vogelsang
If you pronounced HEAD, DEAD, and BEAD
you’ll hear the last word rhymes with DEED
And in this poem you will find
many items of this kind.
For instance:
DEAR and FEAR and HEAR but BEAR
GEAR and TEAR but “WEAR and TEAR”
YEAST and LEAST and PLEASED but PLEASANT
Beast and BREAST and PLEASED but PEASANT
MEAT and PEAT but SWEAT and GREAT
The last word rhymes with FREIGHT and WEIGHT.
Quite different again is HEIGHT.
Which sounds like BITE, INDICT and LIGHT.
The nest line should be read with care:
The PRAYING PRAYER SAYS his PRAYER.
BEAN and LEAN and MEAN but MEANT,
Note “G” in GET, in GEM and GENT
VICE but CREVICE – ADVICE – DEVICE,
LICE but MALICE – POLICE – CONCISE.
We say DREAMT but also DREAMED,
The latter rhyming with ESTEEMED.
CREW and BLEW and NEW but SEW,
COW and ROW but SOW and ROW.
MEASLES does not sound like MEASURE
The same applies to TREASON and TREASURE.
BRAID and MAID and LAID but SAID,
TREAT but THREAT and THREAD and TREAD.
A prison is often called JAIL,
Which word is also written as GAOL.
Now note the difference with GOAL,
Which rhymes with FOAL, and DOLE and ROLL.
First say DANGER then ANGER,
Mind the latter rhymes with CLANGOR.
COUNT but COUNTRY, SOUTHERN but SOUTH;
DISGUISE but BRUISE, YOUTH but MOUTH.
AUNT is not like VAUNT and TAUNT,
BROOK but BROOCH and BROOD but BLOOD;
HOOD but MOOD and FOOD but FLOOD;
MINT but PINT and CORK but WORK;
DULL and GULL and HULL but FULL.
OUR but FLOUR but TOUR and POUR.
We say BONE and LONE but GONE.
Pronounce your choice like DON or DAWN,
TONE and STONE and THRONE but DONE;
PHONE and HONE and SCONE but NONE.
Now, reader, always bear in mind
The difference between WIND and WIND,
The latter rhymes with RIND and KIND.
Can you pronounce without mistakes—
MacLEOD: RACHEL: PANT: RABIES: SLANT:
ACHE: VAN: PETAL: WAN: PENAL: WANT:
GRAND and GRANT?
I don’t blame you if you can’t!
A Jingle of Words

Don’t you love the common words

In usage all the time;
Words that paint a masterpiece
Words that beat a rhyme,
Words that sing a melody,
Words that leap and run;
Words that sway a multitude,
Or stir the heart of one?
Don’t you love the lively words
Flicker, leap and flash;
Tumble, stumble, pitch and toss,
Dive, and dart and dash
Scramble, pirouette, and prance;
Hurtle, hurdle, fling;
Waddle, toddle, trot, and dance;
Soar and snatch and swing?
Don’t you love the noisy words
Clotter, pop, and bang;
Scrape and creak and snarl and snort
Crash and clash and clang;
Crackle, cackle, yowl and yap;
Snicker, snare, and sneeze;
Screech and bellow, slash and howl;
Whistle, whine and wheeze?
Turquoise, matrix, jade and jet;
Hazel, honeydew?
Don’t you love descriptive words –
Lantern – jawed and prim;
Swarthy, slick, effeminate
Sloppy, slimy, slim;
Chubby, cute, and greedy – eyes,
Portly, pale and lean;
Mangy, messy, lank and low;
Furtive and serene?
Yes, with just the common words
In usage everywhere,
You can capture incidents,
Beautiful and rare,
In words you have a weapon
More mighty than a gun;
You can sway the multitude
Or stir the heart of one.

Don’t you love the colorful –

Amber, rose and gold;
Orchid, orange, and cerise;
Crimson, emerald;
Purple, plum and lavender;
Peach and Prussian blue;
English is Tough Stuff
2
Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it’s written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.
Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.
Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation’s OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.
Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.
Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate; Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Dull, bull, and George ate late. Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific, Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Science, conscience, scientific. Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Liberty, library, heave and heaven, Seven is right, but so is even,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven. Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
We say hallowed, but allowed, Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
People, leopard, towed but vowed. Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.
Mark the differences, moreover, Pronunciation – think of Psyche!
Between mover, cover, clover; Is a paling stout and spikey?
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise, Won’t it make you lose your wits,
Chalice, but police and lice; Writing groats and saying grits?
Camel, constable, unstable, It’s a dark abyss or tunnel:
Principle, disciple, label. Strewn with stones, stowed, solace and gunwale,
Petal, panel, and canal, Islington and Isle of Wight,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal. Housewife, verdict and indict.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair, Finally, which rhymes with enough –
Senator, spectator, mayor. Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Tour, but our and succor, four. Hiccough has the sound of cup
Gas, alas, and Arkansas. My advice is to give up!!!
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria. --- Author Unknown
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.
Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Phonetic Phoolishness (An Excerpt)

3
If you pronounce head, dead, and bead,
You’ll hear the last word rhymes with deed
And in this poem you will find
Many items one of a kind.
For instance:
Dear and fear and hear but bear
Gear and tear but “wear and tear”
Yeast and least and pleased but pleasant,
Beast and breast and please but pleasant,
Many and peat but seat and great
(The last word rhymes with freight and weight).
Quite different again is height,
Which sounds like bike, indict, and light.
The next line should be read with care:
The praying prayer says his prayer.
Bean and lean and mean but meant;
Not “g” in get, in gem and gent.
Vice but crevice, advice, device,
Lice but malaise, police, concise,
We say dreamt but also dreamed
(The latter rhyming with esteemed),
Grew and row but sow and row
Measles does not sound like measure;
Braid and maid and laid but said,
Treat but threat and thread but tread.
A prison is often called a jail.
Which word is also written: Gaol
Try fowl and then ghoul and lastly soul,
We say freak and streak but steak
Leak and freak and speak but break
Meadow has the sound of “ed.”
Note: Lead and lead, read and read,
Wear but weary, heard but beard,
Dread but dreary, earned but feared,
Bait and gait and strait but plaid.
Leave out the “g” in gnaw and gnat.
Sward but sword and word by Lord,
Load and toad and road but broad,
Cereal does not sound like seal,
Real not like zeal and heal.
Now have a shot at evil – devil,
Reveal and revel; “on the level,”
Desert and desert, some and home.
Tomb and womb; bomb but comb,
Life, alive, live but live,
Gauze but gauge; believe but sieve.

Now note the difference with gaol,

Which rhymes with foal and dole and roll.
Owl and jowl are not like bowl;
********

Should is different from shoulder; Enough but hiccough; plough but through –
The same applied to could and boulder. All seven different, you know!
Bound but wound and rush but push. Then try: schism – schedule – scheme.
Lumber – plumber; rush but bush Preamble differs from ream.
Herring – erring; cloth but both, Meander from mean,
Eve but ewe and froth – betroth. And cleanse is not pronounced like clean.
No “t” is heard in fasten – chasten, Mayor but major; down but own,
Master – plaster; tester and waster, Friend but fiend, and crown but grown,
Brocade but decade bow and bow, Previous – precious; daughter – draught
Hose but lose, canoe but woe. Leaf but deal and font but won’t.
Can you pronounce without mistake? D’ye know anything so crafty?
Macleod – quay – Rachel – ache As these puzzles I bet you don’t,
Petal – penal – want – pant – slant Golf but wolf; chance but change,
Van – rabble – grand and grant? Raffle – stiff, it does sound strange!
I don’t blame you if you can’t! Toe – foe – doe and how but shoe.
Worm but form and doll, but toll, Bug, dub, hug, but huge and Hugh.
Horse but worse and lost but post, There are many more BUT these will do!
Cost and frost but most and ghost,
Calm but valve and ball but pal,
Tall, but tally; gall but gal,
Star and bar and par but war.
I wonder if you want some more?
If so try realm – created – treated
Leicester – heifer – height – receipted
Heinous – feign – weird – veil – conceited
Sheik – sleigh – sleight – skein – sweated – seated
Debated – ate – senate; Can you bear it?
Minute differs from minute
(The latter rhymes with cute and mute).
But – cut – but – gut – hut but put
Quite and conduct; suite but suit,
Lout, pout, gout and rout but route
(Make it rhyme with shoot and fruit).