How To Stop Passive Aggressive People From Sucking Out Your Energy

8/28/2017 How to Stop Passive Aggressive People from Sucking out Your Energy
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Published: August 25, 2017
How to Stop Passive Aggressive People from Sucking

out Your Energy
People who tend to continually avoid con icts are more likely to be passive aggressive. It is a way of them
maskingtheir hostility and anger. It is still anger projecting though and the unwanted and seemingly
unwarranted behavior can be confusing to the recipient. On the surface the person mayseem nice enough, but
their intentions, attitude or behavior is being fueled by hostility.
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Most of us encounter passive aggressive people on a weekly, if not, daily basis. It can make you feel like you
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are on an emotional roller coaster when dealing with a passive aggressive person. They dont overtly act angry
or upset with you, but their passive ways projectthat anger to you whether it is through their eye rolls, not
returning your calls, walking out of the room when you enter, or another form of covert hostility. If you are the
recipient of passive aggressive behaviors, you know all too well how frustrating, energy sucking, and angering
it can be to deal with such a person and their behaviors.
The passive aggressive person can continually get other people to do things for them by manipulative
behaviors. Their passive aggressive behaviors are just that, emotional manipulation to get their way without
having to own up to their true feelings or intentions.
1
An article on Barking up the Wrong Tree explains the manipulative ways of a passive aggressive person:
They never ask for what they want. They whine or charm or sulk until you offer. But they didnt ask, so they dont
owe you anything. Hey, you offered. And they claim to be the kindest personin the world. Would never hurt a y.
But they attack others always with plausible deniability.
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Its nevertheir fault. Theyre not a bad person. In fact,at least according to them, theyre always the victim.
Passive aggressive behaviors also come when a person is not able to say no. They want to please others,
they may have a fear of rejection, or they simply dont want to be a disappointment so they continually say
yes when they are internally saying no. Their behavior then re ects their hostility toward the situation by
negative and unwanted behaviors.
Spotting out a Passive Aggressive Person
Whatever the reason behind passive aggressive behaviors there are ways to deal with them once you
understand this is what is happening. Passive aggressivebehaviors come in many forms including the
following:
Sarcasm
Procrastination
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Subtle sabatoge
Pretending not to understand
Avoidance
Lateness
Flakiness
Purposefully not includingothers
Backhanded compliments
Not being a team player
Lack of cooperation
Eye rolling
Sulking or withdrawing
The Energy Vampire
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The problem with being the recipient of passive aggressive behaviors is that it is confusing and draining
emotionally. The words that the person is saying contradict their behavior in one way or another. Their
unwillingness to address the underlying problem is why they are using passive aggressive behaviors.
That co-worker who says they will help you with your important project that is due to the boss in two days yet
they are avoiding your phone calls and texts may be passive aggressive. They said they would help you, yet
you cant reach them and you are coming down to the deadline and were counting on their help. They said yes,
so it is frustrating and confusing that they are not reachable. They may have said yes because they didnt want
to disappoint you. They didnt want to not be a play player. Their words said yes to help,yet their behavior is
telling you the real truth. They had no intention of helping, or they thought that they may be able to help, but
deep down they really did not want to help you, but it was easier to say yes in that moment.
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Your energy is getting sucked by trying to reach out to this person. At the same time you are analyzing why
they are not answering your calls. For example, you may be wondering if they have a family emergency, or an
issue with you personally, or if they forgot about the project. You waste all sorts of mental energy and time
trying to gure out(/?ref=header-logo)

what is really going on with this person and why they are not contacting you. They then

come back with a aky response to not returning your calls and you realize they were avoiding you because
they really didnt want to help you. They said yes when they really meant no.
It can be extremely frustrating, time consuming, and angering when dealing with passive aggressive people. In
the end you feel like the energy is being sucked out of you because of this person. However, there are ways to
deal with this type of person in your life.
Protect Yourself from Energy Vampires
There isnt a one size ts all solution for dealing with a passive aggressive person. It depends on many things
including whether you have to actually deal with the person on a regular basis (such as a work environment)
or whether you can or want to limit your time around this individual.
Below are some ways to deal with a passive aggressive person.
1. Recognize the Behavior and Discuss the Real Problem
Passive aggressive people are acting this way because there is an underlying issue. They have underlying
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hostility and anger that they are projecting through passive aggressive behaviors.
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That co-worker who always says yes but really means no is perhaps afraid of losing their job, so they say
yes even when they havea full plate and more than they can already handle. They may be feeling anger
toward themselves for saying yes, anger at their co-workers for not realizing they are already overworked, or
anger towardtheir boss for not appreciating how much they already do on the job. This anger then causes
them to ake on co-workers when doing a team project, they may show up late for meetings, or they may fail
to follow through on projects that they are supposed to complete by speci c deadlines.
If a passive aggressive person is continually acting this way and you cant avoid them because you either work
with them or they live with you, then you need to address the problem.
When approaching the individual, there are several keys to making the conversation productive and not make
it back re on you by making the person even more angry. Here are some tips:
Stay calm and collected during the conversation.
Approach the conversation trying to put yourself in their shoes and let them know you are there to understand
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them and help them.
Be kind.
If the person thinks you are out to get them or are blaming them, they will not participate openly and honestly
in the conversation.
Try to get them to acknowledge a deeper problem is the cause of these passive aggressive behaviors.
Do it in a manner that you create a bridge of understanding and care so they feel comfortable looking at their
behaviors introspectively. This is the time to get to the core of the issue, as it is the only way to uncover what is
driving their passive aggressive behaviors. You cant eliminate their behaviors, without eliminating the problem,
or helping them work toward a solution.
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Be compassionate.
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Be understanding. Recognize that passive aggressive behaviors are this persons coping skills for a real
problem that they didnt want to address, which is why the behaviors arise in the rst place. Know that you are
being the bigger person by helping them through this, but it is for the betterment of your relationship.
Avoid a judgmental tone.
If you act judgmental, this will make the person become defensive and possibly become even more angry at
you.
Let them voice their issues and listen.
Many times a person is passive aggressive because they dont think anyone will listen to their problem, or they
believe that they arent being understood. Be an attentive listener and re ect back what they are saying so
they know you are listening and comprehending what they are voicing.
2. Set Boundaries and Be Speci c
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Once you have uncovered the real problem, through discussing it with the individual, you can set up
boundaries. Setting boundaries is your way of communicating what you will or will not tolerate in the
relationship moving forward.
For example, if it is a co-worker and they have been feeling over-worked, which is why they have been angry
and thus acting passive aggressively, then set boundaries. Let them know the lateness is not acceptable, nor
aking on group projects. They have to follow through or not say yes to everything. They may need to
reassess their workload priorities. Whatever they need to readjust in their life to make things better for them at
work is up to them.
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It is up to you to set the boundaries. Communicate speci cally what you will no longer tolerate in the
relationship. In the workplace example, it can be expressed that you will no longer accept the lateness, not
following through with group work, or not responding to your messages.
3. Refuse to Play(/?ref=header-logo)
the Tit or Tat Game
Dont get into tit for tat because you will eventually become the loser too. Playing this game only builds more
hostility and anger on both sides. Be the bigger person or nd ways to simply not engage in this behavior.
You have two options. The rst is to discuss the root problem (go back to #1). The second option is that if this
person is not essential in your life and their behavior outweighs the bene ts of spending time with this person,
you may want to consider limiting your time around this person(see #5).
Whatever you do, resist getting into a playing the passive aggressive game with this person. For some
relationships and especially families, it happens for years on end. The tensions will only continue to rise as the
behaviors continue. The only solution is to work at healing the relationship, then setting boundaries around the
passive aggressive behavior, or simply not be around the person.
4. Recognize That It Is Not You, Its Them
There are different kinds of people in this world. Aggressive people will do what they want at all costs to get
what they want. Assertive people will work to get what they need and want, but they also know when to say
no and when to ask for help. Passive aggressive people are another category of people who manipulate other
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people emotionally. They mask their true feelings by covertly projecting their anger, hostility, or other negative
emotion through other behaviors, such as those mentioned earlier in the article (i.e. withdrawing, aking, eye
rolling, sarcasm, subtle sabotage).
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It is not your fault they are unable to verbalize their real problems and issues. In order for them to stop their
passive aggressive ways, they will need to nd a way to express their emotions and issues verbally rather than
through negative behaviors. Some people never gure this out and others choose not to ever even try to
change.
It leaves you in the position of deciding whether you want to continue a relationship with this person.
Eventually, you will see you have no other options except distance, if they elect to not change and you have
discussed this subject with them.
5. Distance Yourself
This is exactly what you think it means. Limit your time and interation with a passive aggressive person if you
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dont want to deal with their personality and manipulative ways.
If their passive aggressive ways are beyond the worth of that person in your life, you may want to consider
moving on with life and no longer interacting with this person. Sometimes this is easy if it is simply an
acquaintance. If it is a close friend or family member, you better be prepared to explain why you want some
distance. If its a co-worker and you feel you dont have another option, then refer back to tips #1 and #2.
Recognize that you do have choices and options. Perhaps it is a boss and you dont see any possibility of this
person changing, then for your own emotional and mental health, you may want to consider different
employment in the future.
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A passive aggressive person does not easily change, so keep this in mind when you realize you are dealing
with a passive aggressive personality.
Decide to Do SomethingAnything Is Better Than Nothing
However you decide to best deal with the passive aggressive person in your life, any decision is better than just
letting things exist the way that they currently exist.
A passive aggressive person will not magically decide to change their ways. More often than not, their
behaviors make relationships have great turmoil over time. It is best to deal with the issue of their behavior
head on or simply decide to no longer have a relationship with that person. Either way is better than letting
things fester, as time will only prove things to get worse.
2
Psychology Today stated the following about this topic:
In the long run, passive-aggressive behavior can be even more destructive to relationships than aggression.Over
time,relationships with a person who is passive-aggressive will become confusing, discouraging, and dysfunctional.
Dont let a passive(/?ref=header-logo)

aggressive person take you on an emotional roller coaster in life. Deal with the problem,

which is them, or they will continue to take you on this ride until you confront their behavior head on.
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How to Spot a Liar within Seconds

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Published: August 23, 2017
How to Spot a Liar within Seconds

Lying is pretty high up on the list of negative traits. No one likes to nd out theyve been deceived, yet its
something nearly all of us do on a regular basis.
According to James Patterson, author of The Day America Told the Truth, among two thousand Americans,91
percent lied regularly both at home and at work.
Surprised? Possibly not. Most people arent out to deceive us for sel sh gain. With loved ones, youre more
likely to be lied to in order to save your feelings from being hurt and were usually none the wiser.
But what if you really want to know when youre being lied to? Can you really tell if you read the signs well
enough?
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Giveaway of a Liar
So how can you spot someone whos lying? Words are hard to decipher when it comes to lying. What someone
says can be rehearsed and controlled especially if a person is particularly good at it.
When it comes to spotting clues, actions really do speak louder than words because its all in a persons
gestures. Unlike words, these tend to be uncontrollable and automatic so to know the truth, you have to focus
on the body language.
The Crucial Body Language That Exposes a Liar
What exactly are the typical gestures people give away when spinning a lie?
These are the most common signs to look out for.
They smile less when lying
Research has found that people tend to smile less when theyre lying and especially in men. In his research,
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Paul Ekman felt this re ects the idea that people associate lying with smiling and so enter into a double bluff
by reducing the smile factor. If someone does smile while lying, it tends to be less genuine meaning they smile
more quickly and hold it for longer.
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They scratch their neck as they feel nervous
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Image credit (http://www.bodylanguagesuccess.com/2013/11/)
Another giveaway is when someone scratches the side of their neck just below the earlobe. This usually tends
be done in a speci c way namely with the index nger of their dominant hand.
This is a typical signal of insecurity, doubt and uncertainty which is running through the mind of someone who
isnt telling the whole truth.
They tend to touch their faces a lot
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Image credit (https://gfycat.com/gifs/search/Scratch%20neck)
Bringing a hand to the face is probably one of the most common signs of deception. This could be covering
their eyes or putting their hands on their forehead or cheek and most likely stems from childhood
characteristics. Children often cover their mouths, cover their ears, or cover their eyes in order to stop talking,
stop listening or stop seeing. These are always exaggerated but as we get older these gestures become
quicker and less obvious yet still used subconsciously.
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It doesnt always indicate blatant lying, however. It could just mean that the person is holding back information
which for some can be seen as equally deceitful.
They cover their mouths uconsciously
Image credit (http://maizatulfaranaz.blogspot.hk/2011/02/introduction-body-language-in-everyday.html)
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Covering the mouth, in particular, is a subconscious re ex that can literally mean someone is trying to suppress
the deceitful words that are coming out of their mouth. It could manifest as a literal hand over the mouth or
even a nger placed over the lips in a ssshh gesture. This is likely to come from parents who may have made
this gesture to indicate a desire to keep quiet but in adulthood, it could indicate an attempt for someone to tell
themselves to withhold feelings or words.
They touch their noses while talking
Image credit (http://sciencetriviavirgo.blogspot.hk/2015/05/psychology-trivia-touching-nose-is.html)
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How To Stop Passive Aggressive People From Sucking Out Your Energy

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8/28/2017 How to Stop Passive Aggressive People from Sucking out Your Energy

Published: August 25, 2017

How to Stop Passive Aggressive People from Sucking

Spotting out a Passive Aggressive Person

Pretending not to understand

Purposefully not includingothers

Not being a team player

The Energy Vampire

trying to gure out(/?ref=header-logo)

Protect Yourself from Energy Vampires

Below are some ways to deal with a passive aggressive person.

1. Recognize the Behavior and Discuss the Real Problem

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How to Be Assertive Without Being Too Aggressive

Stay calm and collected during the conversation.

Avoid a judgmental tone.

Let them voice their issues and listen.

2. Set Boundaries and Be Speci c

4. Recognize That It Is Not You, Its Them

Decide to Do SomethingAnything Is Better Than Nothing

Dont let a passive(/?ref=header-logo)

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LEARN MORE ABOUT PSYCHOLOGY (HTTP://WWW.LIFEHACK.ORG/PSYCHOLOGY)

Many Couples Just Give up Too Early and Too Easily

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Scroll down for the next article

Published: August 23, 2017

How to Spot a Liar within Seconds

The Biggest (/?ref=header-logo)

The Crucial Body Language That Exposes a Liar

These are the most common signs to look out for.

They smile less when lying

They scratch their neck as they feel nervous

Image credit (http://www.bodylanguagesuccess.com/2013/11/)

They tend to touch their faces a lot

They cover their mouths uconsciously

Image credit (http://maizatulfaranaz.blogspot.hk/2011/02/introduction-body-language-in-everyday.html)

They touch their noses while talking

Image credit (http://sciencetriviavirgo.blogspot.hk/2015/05/psychology-trivia-touching-nose-is.html)

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