WE HAVE PROBLEMS TOO A TEENS BOOK

LEHLOHONOLO MOFOKENG
Lehlohonolo Mofokeng We Have Problems Too - A Teens Book

Page 1
Lehlohonolo Mofokeng We Have Problems Too - A Teens Book

Contents
Acknowledgments.Page 4

Introduction....Page 5

Chapter One....Page 6-7

1. Nice To Meet You

2. Get To Know Me

Chapter Two....Page 8 - 11

1. Being Too Comfortable

2. Memories Are Forever
3. Fix Your Relationship
4. Compromise For Each Other

Chapter Three Page 12- 16

1. Fights & Arguments

2. Insecurities
3. Fighting Temptations
4. No Trouble Is Trouble At Some Point
5. Im Sorry

Chapter Four..Page 17- 20

Chapter FivePage 21

Biography.Page 22

Glossary.Page 23

Please contact me @ lehlohonolokateko@gmail.com with a continuation of your own story

or any reviews on this book, Id love to read them.

Find me on Facebook @ Lehlohonolo Pablo Mofokeng and please follow me on Instagram

@thelifeofpablo_sa. You can also tell your story there as well and leave your reviews of the
book, Thank You

Page 2
Lehlohonolo Mofokeng We Have Problems Too - A Teens Book

Page 3
Lehlohonolo Mofokeng We Have Problems Too - A Teens Book

Acknowledgments
As the author of this book I found inspiration and views from different
people. Some may not know this but through simple conversation I got a
whole new way of viewing things. To you all, I say thank you very much.

I would also like to acknowledge and express my gratitude to the

following people for their magnificent support and contributions
to the creation of my book book:

Tshepo Mofokeng, My biggest source of inspiration. Thank you for letting me

pick you brain and learn more. You always know what to say and when to say
it but most of all, Thank you for your encouragement and believing in me to
see this whole book through.

My amazing mother. Florie Mofokeng, Your words always leave me in need

of more. Thank you for your contribution

Tebogo Mofokeng, You may not realise but you gave me inspiration to start
this book. Thank you very much

Kananelo Mphuthi, Young king with a beautiful brain. It is through our

conversations I learn more and more each day. For that I thank you.

Karabo Khumalo, Sechaba Mabaso, Sechabeng Mabaso, Itumeleng Manana, ,

Langutelani Mabunda, Thabiso Mlangeni, Karabo Mabuza, Lucky Mahese,
Poppy Nchoe and basically everyone whos words touch my heart and mind. I
may not have mentioned everyone but I am truly grateful to you all for your
contribution.

Page 4
Lehlohonolo Mofokeng We Have Problems Too - A Teens Book

INTRODUCTION
Lets get one thing straight, this isnt a book thatll fix all your
relationship problems but in my opinion, I can say itll help you see
where you need to be in your relationship. This is no book like
other, I wrote this for teenagers who struggle with relationship
problems in hopes that somehow the advice Im about to dish up,
youll find true insight and work on your relationship.

With each chapter comes different topics that are aimed at either
providing solutions for some problems or preventing them from
happening. I hope that this will help you.

Now a relationship is defined as A state of connectedness

between people but its more than that! There are different
factors that contribute to the term Relationship like Emotional,
Physical, Spiritual and Mental connection. Now with all 4
connections in check, This creates a healthy and working
relationship. Before engaging in any kind of romantic relationship,
These factors must be taken into consideration for the partner of
your choice must meet these criterial needs in order to be in a
relationship with one. Relationshipsrequire a lot of work with
both partners willing to put in the work to work it out. With that
being said, Chapter One begins on that note.

Page 5
Lehlohonolo Mofokeng We Have Problems Too - A Teens Book

Chapter One Boy Meets Girl

1. Nice To Meet You

You know sometimes I usually ask myself, What happened to going out and
meeting people? Seems like were all a bit antisocial at times. Even finding a
partner isnt as simple as it was back then, at least thats what I think
because I wasnt even born back then.

Most people always say one thing; Im waiting for The One to come. Like
what or who is this one they speak of. I personally dont believe in the idea of
someone from nowhere showing up to be whatever it is you want them to be
but I do believe in being The One rather than waiting for one. What if the
one never comes, This is exactly why people die alone with 23 cats as a
substitute for companionship.

Look you know what you want in a person to be the suitable match for you
right, The looks, Intelligence, Faison sense even the height. It has been said
that after all, You are what you attract. Problem is, we spend too much time
looking for love and we forget all about being found by love. Meaning we too
focused on looking to be with someone and we dont see that special
someone were supposed to be with. We teenagers call this (say it with me
now) The Friendzone!!!

We need to interact with all kinds of people to know where you fall
specifically, Meeting someone doesnt mean youre going to die with them
but its the experience that matters the most to better yourself because after
all, You do deserve the best.

Page 6
Lehlohonolo Mofokeng We Have Problems Too - A Teens Book

2. Get To Know Me
This is one of my favourite parts building up to a relationship. Like we do at
school, We get to learn more about your partner. Both good and bad aspects
in a person and trust me, You will find them. Not everything about a person
will tickle your fancy but thats why we compromise for the good of the
relationship.

Most people find compromise to be a very challenging thing. I dont blame

you, We all have different perspectives when it comes to certain issues but
how we handle those issues is what matters most. I mean wouldnt you want
to see him happy because youre finally watching WWE (which by the way is
amazing) rather than Real Housewives of some place youve never been to?
Sacrifice for each other, Its a clear indication of true selfless love. Both big
and small matters.

As much as we all are different in a unique way, It is our differences that

complete us as a whole. But then again, Isnt weird how opposites attract but
we search for someone we can easily connect to based on the standers we
set?

Page 7
Lehlohonolo Mofokeng We Have Problems Too - A Teens Book

Chapter Two - Make it work

1. Being Too Comfortable

Relationships are a hustle, meaning it isnt easy to marinate a working
relationship. This requires a lot of time and patience, Oh and being a
romantic really helps score points remember that. First step to making it
work is love, Not just any kind of love but your own kind of love. The kind
that makes you smile for no reason, The kind of love that makes you replace
song lyrics with his or her name even though the song isnt about them, The
kind that makes you have sleepless nights thinking about that special
someone, The kind that makes you scream at 3 A.M in the morning on a
Thursday because lets face it, nothing exciting ever happens on a Thursday.

We each share a unique bond that allows us to connect with each other on
the same level, This creates what is called force of attraction. With attraction
come drawn interest, You have the urge to know more about a person you
find interesting. Now the chase begins and I really dont understand why
woman want to be so difficult when we chase them. Think about it, I like you
and you like me so cant we skip the part where I have to run around behind
you when youre next to me? But really though, this is important because
you start to pay attention to everything she does. You know her favourite
colour, how she ties her hair up, the necklace shes had since 5th grade and
why she has a funny loud laugh that she tries to hold back. The little things
matter the most.

Now problem is, Once she gives you her heart, the chase is over. Funny how
we put in so much effort into finding & impressing a woman but once all that
is done, we see no reason to be spontaneous anymore. You stop noticing
her new hairstyle, The dress she bought on Thursday because she finally
found something to do on that day and most of all, You forget her. This is
what we call being too comfortable in a relationship. One thing people
always forget is that being comfortable with your partner isnt entirely bad,
but once you become too comfortable to a point where you think youre

Page 8
Lehlohonolo Mofokeng We Have Problems Too - A Teens Book

irreplaceable, thats where you need to draw boundaries in your

relationship.

Dont get me wrong, Relationships are a fickle which means they are always
changing for the duration of the relationship. That means feelings arent as
weak or as strong as they use to be. You start to see things differently both
good and bad. The good part is, you fall more and more in love with your
partner for they are now a part of your daily life. I becomes we and Me
becomes Us. The bad part is feelings start to fade away. Memories fade,
You talk less and never make time for each other as much as you did before
which creates a division. In a nutshell, Things are awkward or tense.

Usually, The urge to give up on the relationship starts to grow. Suddenly you
start seeing signs of being single. You now have more reasons to end a
relationship than stay and work it out. You start having second thoughts
about your partner weather you made the right choice or not. At this point
you dont have an answer to a simple question which is Are you in a
relationship? meaning you lose your sense of belonging in your own
relationship. Sad isnt it?

2. Memories Are Forever

One of the most important things in relationships is the memories it creates.
You remember how you met, How you were scared to ask her out, How he
saved you from an awkward encounter and most importantly, How they
made you feel. These are the foundations of your relationship. It was once
said that Not everyone will remember you but they will always remember
how you made them feel. Every Good morning text to the Get well soon
text and of course, I Love You.

Memories give a person a sense of pleasure as they reminisce on them.

Making memories is a strong form of bonding with your partner. You learn
more and more about them and it becomes easier for both of you to open up
to each other.

Remember this, Not every memory made will be all peaches and roses with
candy clouds and soda raindrops. There are some dark days, road bumps and
occasionally blueticks on whatsapp. We all know how annoying a bluetick is.

Page 9
Lehlohonolo Mofokeng We Have Problems Too - A Teens Book

Isnt it weird how were so afraid of these bad days where else we should be
looking forward to those days? I often pray for a rainy day because I know
rain makes things grow. Like a tree depending on water for its nutrition,
Every argument creates a platform for us to be honest with each other. Even
though things get ugly but see beauty within it.

Memories should be common. Meaning they represent the union of you both
from past events to future plans together. They are created by you both.
Cherishing those moments is a component to making the relationship work.
How? You may ask, Well think of it this way. You take a picture of you both
together, It isnt just a random picture but it is a reminder of how happy you
are, The reason why youre with him/ her in the first place. All that helps us
pull through when things go bad. Funny how we dont take the very same
picture when were on a cloudy day, Because it brings back unpleasant
memories where we feel bad or upset. See how we give our past memories
so much power to determine the future of a relationship both good and bad.
Youre angry at her because she cheated on you but you remember how she
supported when no one was there for you then you end up forgiving. Youre
hurt because he slept with your cousin and you remember the inappropriate
words he usually throws at you from time to time, you end up leaving him.
You may not realise this but these choices me make to determine the nature
of your relationship are influence by memories you shared together.

3. Fix Your Relationship

Now pay attention! Fixing your relationship isnt going to be easy but it can
be done despite how most men never know what they do wrong and no
women in their right minds would care to tell them whats bugging them.
Take this as renovating a house, Tiles are removed, furniture gets torn out,
Old paint is scraped off the walls. Sure it looks horrible and all but then again,
New fresh coat of paint is painted, New furniture and tiles. In a nutshell, Its
going to get bad before it gets good.

From those days of not talking to each other or arguments, emerges a

stronger bond. You miss each other, hugs get tighter, Kisses are longer and
conversations are everlasting. Baby Im sorry, I miss you Lets not fight
ever again yeah right. Appreciate every argument you go through, it can

Page
10
Lehlohonolo Mofokeng We Have Problems Too - A Teens Book

either make or break a relationship. The bond you share with your partner is
what makes it all worthwhile in the end and it gets stronger.

4. Compromise For Each Other

As I said in Chapter One, You wont love everything about who you meet but
this is the importance of compromise. Sometimes we do things for each
other not because we want to but because it makes you happy. Most men
would rather stay home and watch ESPN or Super Sport than go out shopping
and most women would rather pamper themselves rather than go to the bar
with your friends to watch sports. We do all this for the good of the
relationship. This helps with bringing both closer because you spend time
with each other, Time is what really matters the most.

Page
11
Lehlohonolo Mofokeng We Have Problems Too - A Teens Book

Chapter Three Trouble in paradise

1. Fights & Arguments

Ah yes. Now we cover one of the most dreadful components of any
relationship, Old or young. At some point in any relationship there comes a
part where you will fight and argue. In can be short term or long term over
small issues or big issues. This phase in a relationship can make or break it
but one thing for sure, it tests the endurance of both partners and the
commitment level of which youre both in. Why do couples fight? you ask,
well why dont they fight?! Were human after all, we do mistakes, hurt
unintentionally and misunderstand at times but all that is part of living. Its
not everyday will we agree on everything together and that leads to some
complications then misunderstandings which eventually ends up being an
argument.

Sometimes these arguments arent entirely a bad thing for they actually
bring about a stronger bond in a relationship. Funny how during or after
some arguments with your partner you feel the need to cry, cuddle, kiss and
make up. In these cases, you do all that with your partner whom youre
probably giving the silent treatment.

Heres something else to bear in mind, Fights can be created intentionally.

Let me explain, In order for one to feel a sense of belonging, start a vibe of
some sort. Basically, to keep things between both partners interesting. One
partner will make a big fuss over something meaningless all in favour of
seeing if the other still cares and loves as much as they hope. Ironic isnt it?!

Some of the best ways to prevent these fights or arguments is to avoid them
by not intentionally starting them and whatever happens, Dont be there
reason your partner uses the broken heart emoji. You may think it sounds
stupid but through experience youll understand why I wrote this.

Page
12
Lehlohonolo Mofokeng We Have Problems Too - A Teens Book

2. Insecurities
Honestly speaking, Insecurities are very stressful because it can take its toll
on you both. No one needs to stress about thinking whether they are trusted
or not by their partners all the time. Insecurity in a relationship has nothing
to do with the relationship itself Who is that girl youre walking with?
Why is this guy calling you everyday? How come you spend more time
there than with me, whats going on there? My Lord when will this stop?
Is probably what youll be asking yourself all the time. Being insecure is to be
expected in a relationship because one can do, say or imply something that
doesnt sit well with their partner over a long period

Insecurity comes from the inability to trust that someone loves you enough
and that alone is often not about the person youre with but your inability to
trust that you are worthy of love as a whole and often the idea that you are
not deserving of love. The feeling of not being deserving of love is from a bad
history, for example, you grew up in a family where you always felt that you
were not loved or the usual (we can all relate to this one) youve been in
enough bad relationships that have convinced you youre not in love. From
those experiences you dont trust the fact that you are worthy of being love
and deserving of being loved. Now what that means for a relationship is that
your insecurity needs to be worked on and I would suggest you not do it
while in a relationship because it may create complications.

As much as women get insecure, MEN GET INSECURE AS WELL! I dont

understand why society has this idea that a man never gets insecure because
they are man in generalBull. Were all human being capable of human
emotions and feelings as well as actionsThis includes being insecure. Let me
clear it up, Insecurities are usually associated with females but less likely
with men. This is why society created this idea of men not being incapable of
feeling insecure or jealous where in truth men do get insecure. Thing with
men is, were very good at hiding our emotions because we simply dont
want to feel emotional and all those womanly feelings, Its that plain and
simple.

Page
13
Lehlohonolo Mofokeng We Have Problems Too - A Teens Book

3. Fighting Temptations
Ok let me clarify, Im not referring to that classic movie starring Beyonc.
These are legit temptations. It is guaranteed that in any relationship both will
be faced with temptation from outside the relationship and fighting them is
based on ones perspective, basically easy or hard. Temptation comes in
many forms which at some point we can take very lightly.

Take for example, A friend youve known for a while. Like any relationship
starts of as both partners being friends and from there on a bond is formed.
You share common interests, laugh together and hang out a lot, Feelings
begin to develop for each other. A move is made to initiate a potential
relationship (usually men do this while most women wait for us to make
The Move) and there after it changes title from friendship to relationship.

Now being in a relationship the same thing can happen all over again with
someone else. Usually this is caused by people not knowing your relationship
status and that really screws things over (Trust me, It does) come to think of
it, I was once dumped for being Too friendly with women. When this
happens, youre faced with two options being you cheat and risk terminating
your relationship (Trash) or out of respect and love for your partner you cut
it.

Look in all honesty these no reason good enough to cheat. You either do it or
you dont, Simple as that but we look for reasons to justify ourselves for
playing with feelings. Personally I think its best to end things on the terms
you both started on, Good terms. These no need to hate each other after a
break up and wish for bad things to come and fuck up ones new relationship.
I believe that as much as we were friends before we dated we can still go
back to that and it helps with revaluating your own past relationship and see
how you can do things better in the new one.

One more thing, Cheating is a choice not a mistake.

Page
14
Lehlohonolo Mofokeng We Have Problems Too - A Teens Book

4. No trouble is a trouble at some point

We all dream of that perfect relationship where we dont argue at all,
Understand each other and just live happily ever after yes? Well that takes a
lot of hard work that doesnt come easy at all. Being in a happy relationship
doesnt all of that but what it really means is you both been through hell and
back still standing together.

I love it when we argue

I love it when we both cry
I love it when you hate me at some point
Why, Because we learn to build ourselves to be stronger emotionally and
mentally. It is through rainy days we both express how we really feel deep
down inside good or bad.

Theres no way you can have a long term relationship without anything
getting in the way of your relationship at all (I did the math, its legit). Im not
talking about silly little meaningless arguments NO, Im talking about real
shit here. Without these problems we dont get to grow closer together and
step into a whole new level of being together.

Like I said in the first heading, Some of the best ways to prevent these fights
or arguments is to avoid them by not intentionally starting them Dont
intentionally start an argument because of your own reasons avoid that but
whenever it happens appreciate it and make sure you both pull through it
TOGETHER!!!

Page
15
Lehlohonolo Mofokeng We Have Problems Too - A Teens Book

5. I'm sorry

Honestly, It wont kill you to say sorry. It sucks being the one to say that
because youre the one who fucked up but apologising really goes a long way
especially when you really need to hear it. Its not just saying it but acting it.

Remember this, You cant always be sorry because one day it wont be
enough. You cant fuck shit up over and over again then expect everything to
be A-Okay just because you apologised. Action speaks louder than words
right, Now act on that.

One last thing, Try not to fuck up please.

Page
16
Lehlohonolo Mofokeng We Have Problems Too - A Teens Book

Chapter Four True To Self (My Own Story)

Honestly speaking, I have never been one to be the best kind of person to
be with. Loving a person has become an art I learned to master and yet I
cant open to being loved. Waking up everyday with the mind set to give
out the kind of love Ive longed for is a dream I made a reality.

When I was younger I fell in love. Not some crush youd have on a girl
but the kind of love I saw everlasting. The kind of love I wanted for the
rest of my life. I knew from the day I said out loud I AM IN LOVE WITH
THIS WOMAN that I wanted a future with her. I wanted to wake up next
to her every morning and have her being the mother of my kids. Problem
is, I wasnt ready for that kind of commitment. I knew if I went out with
her Id never be the man she seeks, The man she deserved.

As crazy as this will sound, I had a plan. In order to be with her I had to
work on me. Now here comes the crazy part, In order to work on myself I
had to do it at the expense of others. Let me clarify, I decided to learn
different types of relationships like and at the end of it all Id be ready.
Before you ask yourself what types are there, only you can determine
that. Now how does all this add up? I became a fuckboy!

Having different girls as test objects to understand better the concept of

love. I had to lie, cheat and hurt others to avoid being hurt by the one
person I loved dearly. Crazy!!! But it worked after all. I dated different
girls with no regards of how itll affect any of them, I used the
meaningless I Love you just to make them smile for my own benefit and
things were working out for me because I was learning more and more
about how the word Love can change everything within a wink of an
eye. I learned how girls became when they are in love. How a girl would
sacrifice everything just to make me happy all the time. To keep it short, I
saw a womans heart wholeheartedly.

Things started changing. I was getting in too deep with this phase of my
life (Fuckboy Phase) that I saw myself drift away. This Phase became my
identity in the eyes of many, I became so confucked. The idea of being
with a girl for the right reasons started fading quickly. I now saw woman

Page
17
Lehlohonolo Mofokeng We Have Problems Too - A Teens Book

as objects of sexual desired instead of pure hearted creations. It was all

about Ohhh damn look at that ass, I gadda tap that Snap! Lemme
squeeze those two twins on your chest.

Everything was all aces until one day I got caught cheating. I thought to
myself these things happen and shell be ok and all that but then
something happened that would redirect my life forever. One of my
girlfriends looked at me in the eyes with a low voice tone and said to me
I hope youre as happy as you made me feel, Im sorry I couldnt be the
one to make you feel that way. One tear came down her cheek as she
left

Page
18
Lehlohonolo Mofokeng We Have Problems Too - A Teens Book

Thats when I had an epiphany. Like how come I can make someone just as
happy as she was and not be happy myself? Why destroy something that
could have been my happily ever after (Yes, We too as men want that) then I
realised something, I wasnt ready.

Till this day Im very grateful for that day because that was the day I grew
and finally understood what it means to say I Love You to someone. I knew
what love can do to a person in all aspect. With that being said I had to learn
to put my own meaning to love. Let me explain, We all have different ways of
loving someone and some in common with one another. I had to be
something new and different but in order to learn I had to experience love.

I had good lessons about love. I got to witness love growing me to be a better
man, Have sleepless night on the DM with bae, Long ass phone calls.
Basically, Being all about one person. Like a horror movie, I got to witness
the ugly shit love can come with. With both experiences I finally found my
own meaning to love and I made it a reality which has been working out for
me.

One night my brother told me Every girl deserves to be treated the way you
treat a girl. Problem is, You treat EVERY girl the way you treat a girl meaning
I wanted to make every girl that came into my life feel special and all that. I
wasnt living up to the meaning of love I actually learned.

It wasnt easy at all but then again love is never easy. I had to change my
ways if I was to grow and mature. I noticed something along the way, I was
actually afraid of being loved because I got to see how love can actually fuck
with people and make them do crazy shit. I didnt wanna be depressed,
Lonely and sad because Im single (BTW: Bing single is ok).

Another thing, People usually get into relationships because of the wrong
reasons. YOURE AFRAID OF BEING ALONE!!! I usually tell people that the
only way to be happy is to be happy on your own. Work on yourself and be
ok being alone. Then and only then will you really be in a relationship for the
right reasons. These are basic foundations of a strong relationship. On a point

Page
19
Lehlohonolo Mofokeng We Have Problems Too - A Teens Book

of happiness, dont depend on someone to make you happy. YOU DONT

NEED THAT SHIT!!! Snap I went of topic now.

Long story short I got my heart broken many times and I broke a lot of hearts
as well but through all that I got to keep learning and growing. I am very
proud of the person I have become and I am yet to be even more impressed
of what I will become in future. Till this day Im still finding new ways to
show heart and act on it when I say I Love You. These are not things one
should play around with and take lightly for once you reach this point you
can never look back. Rather have a beautiful story to look back on as you
build your future to look forward to than play around and stay where you are
your whole life.

Page
20
Lehlohonolo Mofokeng We Have Problems Too - A Teens Book

Chapter Five True To Self (Your Own Story)

I got to tell you my own story, Now write your own

Page
21
Lehlohonolo Mofokeng We Have Problems Too - A Teens Book

Page
22
Lehlohonolo Mofokeng We Have Problems Too - A Teens Book

Biography
This would be a very cool biography if I told you
how I overcame all odds in life to become
someone new and on top of the world right?
Well Im not that guy!!
My name is Lehlohonolo Mofokeng. I was born
and raised in Mohlakeng (RANDFONTAIN,
JOHANNESBURG Gauteng). I started writing this
book in 2016 late December and finished it 2017
(3rd August). Growing up in my teen years I
experienced a lot about relationships and how
people behave in them. Through my own
experience I started writing this book to simply
tell my story in hopes to help teens because we
know, We Have Problems Too.

Please contact me @ lehlohonolokateko@gmail.com with a continuation of your own story

or any reviews on this book, Id love to read them.

Find me on Facebook @ Lehlohonolo Pablo Mofokeng and please follow me on Instagram

@thelifeofpablo_sa. You can also tell your story there as well and leave your reviews of the
book, Thank You

Page
23
Lehlohonolo Mofokeng We Have Problems Too - A Teens Book

Glossary

Bae Girlfriend

Bluetick - Leaving a texts message read and unanswered

BTW - By The Way

Confucked - A state of mind where one is Confused and Fucked up

Cut It - Stop stupid shit

DM - texting

Fuckboy - A boy who lies, cheats and hurts different girls at the same time

Fuckgirl - A girl who lies, cheats and hurts different boys at the same time

Gadda - Got to

Lemme - Let me

Trash - You're just trash, Simple.

Page
24