Just because I feel like writing about the smile that my face showed when I read

your mail. After all life is not that bad, and I gain extra points saying that precisely
in this moment. Lucky me, youre one of my reasons to smile, you and your odd
idea that sbdy can miss me, although I thought that was impossible, you and the
hot weather, which is so lovely and sexy. Wanna talk to you, baby. Maybe
tomorrow night. There is certainly a mystery. And its that you still havent realize I
am not good for you. I am just too crazy, I am just too complicated. But if you
wanna risk, I wont say anything. Only remember youre taking all the
responsibilities. I only need ice cream now. And a cigarette. And good music. And
now it seems I am asking for too much. Just one more thing. I wanna call a special
person that I want to be in my life again. Just hoping that could be possible.

15-6152-3886

Hola negra, pasaron muchas cosas en mi vida en este tiempo en el

que no hablamos (y siguen pasando), y supongo que tu vida
tampoco habr estado demasiado tranki, no?
Nada nena, vos sabes que podes contar conmigo, y si no soy parte
de tu historia en estos momentos por algo ser, este mail no es un
reproche, ni implica que tengas que llamarme, ni escribirme otro
mail, ni nada por el estilo. Simplemente pasa que alguien me dijo
que hiciera lo que sintiera, (manejan mi mente a su gusto,
malditos manipuladores) y lo que siento es que vos sos una pieza
que falta en mi rompecabezas, la persona con la que me gustara
compartir tantas cosas. Tena que decirte todo esto, de alguna
fucking forma, podra haberte puteado, pero no habra sido muy
corts de mi parte. Y lo mejor es dejar que todo fluya, no?
Ya va a llegar el momento. Las grandes amistades no se terminan
as como as, y yo te consideraba (te considero, te considerar, yo
que s, me cansa conjugar verbos) una gran amiga. Y no te creas
que vas a desaparecer tan fcil. Pero tambin es verdad que todo
sucede por algo, y no me preguntes qu es, si el destino, dios, la
casualidad, o bob marley; sabes que no creo en nada, (lo que en
cierta forma me da una licencia para creer en lo que me convenga
en cada momento.) En lo que si creo en que cada uno es, sobre
todas las cosas, libre. Libre de ser quien quiera ser, libre de sentir
lo que quiera sentir, de pensar lo que quiera pensar, de buscar
eternamente la felicidad, (aunque el camino parezca conducir al
precipicio), de arrepentirse (mmm, solo si sirve para aprender),
contradecirse, pedir perdn (o no), volver, parar, barajar de nuevo.
Y no exagero si digo que muchas de esas cosas me las enseaste
vos. As que quizs al final este termine siendo un mail de
agradecimiento. Los mails son raros, unos los escribe, los manda, y
despus se da cuenta (y hasta se lamenta) de todas las boludeces
que puso. En mi opinin es parte de su magia. Eso de que no haya
borradores. Aunque debo confesar que este mail si tiene borrador.
En realidad el tema es que debera estar haciendo un trabajo, y la
idea de ponerme a escribir incoherencias me pareci mucho ms
seductora.
Crase o no hace un rato me desenchufaron la compu, y perd la
mitad de esta carta. Parece que alguna fuerza no quiere que te
escriba. Que bueno, porque de eso se trata todo, de vencer las
resistencias (no las psicoanalticas, por favor) para hacerse mas
fuerte. Despus de un tiempo las espinas no duelen tanto, o ser
que hoy estoy optimista porque hace calor?
Una cosa si te prometo, y es que vas a saber de m, por lo menos
para tomar algn martini dentro de un par de dcadas en alguna
bar de solos y solas, o solas y solas, o solos y solos, o lo que
mierda sea. Y no me digas que la imagen suena pattica, porque
esa era su intencin en un primer momento.
Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery (cuanta razn tena el
pobre bob, ser por eso que muri joven?)
I hope you like jamming too! (no se que es jamming, pero suena
tentador, no?)
Y por ah todo esto tenga que ver con que estuve leyendo algo de
Mrs. Dalloway (Mrs. Dalloway said she would buy the flowers
herself, te suena? Musing among vegetables I prefer men to
cauliflowers. I agree, I dont like cauliflowers) y me acord de Las
Horas, y de tantas otras cosas.

Good friends we have for good friends we lost along the way (that
was bob again, I have nothing to do with this. In fact I think the
whole letter is his fault) no woman no cry everything is gonna be
alright (as amazing as it may sound, sometimes I actually believe
it)

Dont like goodbyes, never did, just wanna tell you that sometimes
things may seem black to some people, when they are really dark
grey. It all depends on the observer. Or on the liver, once I read
that whether life is good or not, it all depends on the liver. And
always remember that the question is always far more important
than the answer. (Who am I telling this to!)
If you have reached this point in this chain of stupidities, you
deserve a prize. So far so good, lets say this is the end. Or maybe
just another beginning. Who knows?

It just makes me feel scared, you seem just too into something that
I dont know if some day will start. Bust its feels really nice to
know you are there. With all your phrases, and your expressions,
and your kindness. Wanna love you baby, I know I will. Just give me
some time. My head will always be a mess, but, as I told you
before, if you wanna be a part of it, the door is open. And you are
gonna get a very important place, I promise, because you certainly
are a very special person. Its all a matter of time, I know it is.
Another e-mail, a small fight, who says you cant get mad at me? But apparently
you arent mad at me, you are just hurt, which sounds much more deep and
inspires me a bunch of feelings I wont tell you about (now). But at the same time
it is so lovely You, and all your emotions. You, and that song, in the end, which
I hope wasnt for me, although I know it was. Everything seems wonderful, only
remember one fact: youll never put a label on my wrist.

Anque nada era lo que pareca en esa calle desierta y te conoc un da

que vi una pelcula muy mala y casi desde ese da has estado en mi
cabeza de una forma u otra no se si eso se considera un privilegio ya
que hay demasiadas cosas en mi cabeza y no es que seas una ms de
esas cosas, porque de muchas formas me preocupas aunque tambin
me traes cierta alegra, rara, conflictuada, pero eso solo se debe a mi
propia neurosis, con la que no tenes nada que ver, a menos que quieras.

People like any other thing in this life can be classified into two
categories: interesting and boring. All the other categories we use,
like good or bad, nice or ugly, legal or illegal, are mere unimportant
details.

Well, well, well, it seems that you have reached your objective.
Wanna see you babe, although I still dont know if thats real or if
its just a product of my loneliness. All the same, I wanna see you.
No compromises, no bonds (though dont even dare to see another
person) Wanna talk to you, and tonight it may be impossible. Or
not. Maybe if I work hard I can peep a bit later. Thanx. Just thanx.
For being there. For being you. For bringing back my hope.
You and your anxiety. And I, I dont know whether to be happy or
not. Whether to regret having talked to you or not. Dont wanna
say I dont know, Ive said that so many times, that it has no
meaning now. Well, in fact it never had. Now I wanna say Im
happy, I wanna say you have become a very important part of my
life. And nobody will take that away from you.
Wanna say: love you honey, but I promise Ill try to deal with my
own anxiety the best I can. Although I dont know if that is a
promise I am allowed to make.

I want a chance. I know Ive got sth I never had, and I dont know
who deserves the credit for that. But now I want sth different. Sth I
know in the bottom of my heart I really deserve. Or maybe not, but
all the same I want it with all my strength, my heart, my soul, my
mind. Please, I know Im not entitled in this precise moment to ask
for anything. And all the other times Ive asked for this you have
been there for me, but all the same I think you could give me a
little help this time. Ive been there so many times I know I never
was one of your most devoted daughters, and I cant promise I will
be from now. You know my soul, if you exist. And I dont consider
that an offence, its just that my soul has its doubts, and I cant do
anything about it. Please. Just please. Only please, give me back
my confidence, give me this gift, Others are much worse, I know.
And others are better. At the end it all depends on your mind
stability. And Im getting some. Please, dont forget your lost sheep
because she, in spite of every doubt she has, really needs you, and
I believe thats all that matters after all. If one were to be perfect to
pray or to ask for sth one really needs, youd have very few
requests per day, which I think is not the case. Please. I dont
believe in promises. But I promise Ill do sth good if you help me
this time. Dont know if I deserve it, just know I really, really and
deeply wanted. Most of the times thats not enough, just hope this
time is. And, if you have some extra time, just give me some hope
and faith (the t.v. programme wont do, Im sorry)
Please. Please. Please. Please, please, please. Please, please,
please.
No t.v. or sweets for a week. I mean it. And more if you want.

Would you like to be a bit more kind to me?

Id really appreciate that from the bottom of my heart. Thank you
very much.

01/10/05
THAT ISNT KINDNESS!!! THAT IS ONLY PART OF YOUR FUCKING
INSECURITES!

Tratando de poner la cabeza en piloto automtico.

No more hope, no more faith, no more god, no more nothing. I
certainly believe this is the end.

11/10/05

About how growing up really hurts (and this is not part of a soap for
teens). Leaving things back but at the same time I have the romantic
idea that soon I will stop being a moth, to become a beautiful butterfly.
But its time, I should really begin to believe in myself

16/10/05
He llegado a la extraa conclusin de que negar no es ms que una intrincada
forma de afirmar, incluso ms potente que la afirmacin misma. As, aquel que se
llama a si mismo escptico, y repite ms de cinco veces por da que no cree en
Dios, tan solo busca encontrarse con algn buen cristiano, que, armado con algo
ms que su profunda fe, le pueda dar pruebas fehacientes de la existencia de Dios.
Y an cuando no consiguiese hallar aquella alma bondadosa, el mero hecho de
repetir el nombre de aquel en l que no cree, lo acerca un poco ms a comprobar
su existencia, lo ayuda a no sentirse tan solo. Si no, cul sera el propsito de
insistir tanto en que uno descree de algo? O acaso ve uno gente por la calle
diciendo todo el tiempo: Yo no creo en los unicornios. Para mi los duendes son
un invento del gobierno para tener en jaque a los campesinos u otras
afirmaciones por el estilo?
25/10/05
Y ya que me preguntas te dir que se lo que es tener catorce aos y estar
muerto... a mi me vens a hablar de vivencias? Es realmente gracioso que alguna
gente crea que todos los dems son descartables. Quizs en su intrincado (o no
tanto) pensamiento crean que las personas se compran, se usan y luego se tiran,
igual que los pauelos descartables. Pues yo no. Todos tenemos algo que pueda
ser valorado. Y poder ver las cosas buenas de los dems es un don maravilloso. Se
que nunca me prest a ser uno ms de tus satlites. Y si lo hice juro que no fue
mi intencin. Nunca me sent cmoda en el papel de aduladora. Esa palabra
suena tan horrible... tan falsa, tan falta de sentido. Y es que yo creo que eso es
lo importante, el sentido de las cosas. Puede que tener gente que te endulce el
odo tape las inseguridades, lo que es seguro es que no las elimina.
Todo sucede por algo, y en esta oportunidad creo que debo agradecerte. Sacaste
un gran grillete que tena amarrado a mi tobillo hace varios aos. Haba muchas
cosas que no saba como decirte, y me ayud que las dijeras vos primero. De
todas formas tambin siento un gran agradecimiento por tantas cosas lindas que
pasaron, y creo que a la larga es mejor que quede solo eso, los recuerdos
agradables. Realmente me hubiese gustado que de tu boca saliera alguna
palabra, algn consejo (aunque no creo en ellos), algo que llevarme de todo
esto, algo para repensar. Lstima que no creo que sea posible. Me abstengo de
expresar cuales podran ser las razones, aunque tengo alguna que otra teora.
Ja, es cierto que la gente cambia. Yo cambi mucho (y de verdad creo que es un
halago que vos no puedas ver ese cambio). Y vos tambin cambiaste mucho, y
muchas veces... sin embargo pienso que no soy capaz de percibir algunos de esos
cambios tuyos mirando un poquito ms all de la superficie. Espero que conozcas
mucha gente con la que baste una sonrisa para olvidar el desprecio. Que bueno
que yo ya no formo parte de ese grupo. Y es que si realmente (como dice tu
psicloga) a vos te importa lo que le pasa a los dems, nunca me d cuenta. Te
libero de la insalubre tarea de buscar razones en tu cabeza (aunque no estoy tan
segura de que alguna vez lo hayas intentado). Me cans de escuchar balbuceos
incoherentes, creo que me merezco otra cosa, alguien que pueda al menos
coordinar dos palabras para acabar con tanto tiempo de amistad. Espero que seas
feliz, no se si eso existe, y no se que es lo que vos entends por felicidad (nunca
me lo pudiste explicar), pero sea lo que sea te lo deseo de todo corazn. Y que
te encuentres con gente que te ayude a crecer, que te diga las cosas como son. A
fin de cuentas es lo nico que vale la pena. Y no le tengas tanto miedo a los
cambios, ten en cuenta que la esencia de las personas nunca cambia, no
importa cuantas batallas hayan ganado y cuantas perdido. Crecer es sumar, no
restar, pero s es cierto que a veces para avanzar hay que dejar cosas atrs.
A mi s me gustan los mails, sobre todo para cerrar etapas. Y no es que no me
banque la devolucin (te dije que cuando quieras podiamos tomar un caf), sino
que por este medio me siento muy libre de decir todas las estupideces que se me
ocurran (cosa que a otros le pasa verbalmente). Puede que este mail suene cursi,
o quiz que se parezca a un libro de autoayuda barato, pero es lo que me pasa.
No se si alguna vez pudiste ver quien era yo realmente. Tal vez no me mostr lo
suficiente, pero por lo que me dijiste la ltima vez que hablamos creo que nunca
me conociste demasiado. La gente no tiene porque tener vidas idnticas para ser
amigos, basta con compartir valores o algn ideal, y me parece que ah estuvo la
falla. Disculpame si no soy buena con esto de la honestidad brutal, pero hago lo
que puedo. Y en serio necesitaba hacer este cierre, como vos estabas en todo tu
derecho (como las veces que dijiste no tener ganas de hablar) de no haber
llegado a esta parte del mail. Seguramente me habrn quedado cosas sin decir,
pero creo que con lo que dije alcanza, era lo que necesitaba que supieras.
Bye, see you in another life, another world, another time. Im happy now, cause
I really believe Ive gained a lot of freedom. Thanks a lot! (and happy Christmas
and happy new year, in case we dont see each other)

Hand in my pocket (porque se me cantaron las ganas, y porque dice muchas

cosas que siento y que creo que son verdad)

"Hand In My Pocket"

I'm broke but I'm happy

I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
 I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five
I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah
I care but I'm restless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby

What it all comes down to

Is that everything's gonna be quite alright
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette
And what it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign
I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm hard but I'm friendly baby
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chickenshit
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby

And what it all boils down to

Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing the piano
And what it all comes down to my friends
Is that everything's just fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxi cab

4/1/06 (mentira, ya es 5/1)

And what it all comes down to my friends is that everything's just fine fine
fine ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????? I dont
buy it.

I dont know if I can say that, in fact Im sure I cant. But, what can I do? Accept
the people who are now near me as my knew friends? That is certainly hard to
do, not to say impossible. My soul is just too different, and there are too many
things I feel they wouldnt understand, although maybe thats just another of
my prejudices Who knows? Sometimes I feel that nothing changes in my life,
but when I read the goodbyes I have written, the people I have left in the way
(or that have left me), I really believe that is not so true. I believe I shall start
with my declaration for the day (and I say for the day because everything
might completely change tomorrow)
Goodbye Noe, you have been one of the most important people in my life for so
long, with you I have discovered a lot of new things, I actually think I owe you
much of what Im today, but you have decided to take me out of your life, and
theres nothing I can do about it. In one sense I think its much better this way,
I just cant keep on laughing while I see youre destroying your life and wasting
your talent. And besides Freud says there is nothing I can do about it. But at
the same time it hurts so much and I really miss you. You are one of the few
people that have told me some true things in my face This kind of bonds can
never be really broken, some day, in another life maybe, well have those
martinis together.
Lis I know tomorrow Im gonna see you, so I should leave your part in stand
by but I just cant. let this opportunity to tell you what I feel go away. You
never read what I wrote, but I sincerely hope that my eagerness not to be alone
again wont prevent me from telling you everything I have in my mind. I know
you are not the best person to be with me now, but I also know Im very weak
and if we are ok tomorrow (which I hope not) I will go to your birthday party,
but just in order to get drunk, cause I really need it ( I wont set a scene, that I
promise to myself) you dont deserve my friendship, of that Im sure. And Im
so tired of talking
The anger I have in my soul I dont know where it comes from. Or maybe the
resistance is so strong because I dont wanna know. There are some things I
cant forgive, although I know that is not the word Im looking for. Everything
you have lived makes you the person you are know more sympathetic, more
understanding, wise, mature and aware of the mistakes you dont want to
repeat. but at the same time it all hurts. My damn father, my damn friends,
my mother (I was not going to include her here, thats a good sign) there are
so many things I wanna tell to my father I dont even know if I care about him
and that hurts a lot. Its so hard, because I know I could repeat everything in
your face, spitting all the hatred and the bitterness, but that wouldnt make any
difference on you, your fucking attitude towards me wont change at all, and
that hurts, it makes me want to stab you to see if the fucking expression on
your face changes once and forever, but that wouldnt do either because then
the guilt wouldnt let me sleep ( even though I cant sleep now) and now the
sleep paralysis. And all the hatred I feel towards you. Because I hate you, you
know? You have made my life miserable lots of times, and the rest of the times
you didnt exist. I hate you for not being there, for not teaching me how to
receive love and care, for being such a jerk when I was just asking for a bit of
attention, for making me feel I was (and I am) nothing for you, for being less
than a piece of furniture in my life, for not talking, for not listening, for not
caring the least, for not being even the ten per cent of a man you see, you
are only a big NO in my life, maybe its time for you to just disappear. Its true
that Im still waiting for any stupid word coming out of your mouth to prove to
me that Im wrong, a reason to erase all this, just a fucking reason to be able
to forgive you. Or at least just a reaction to show that the blood in your veins
isnt dried. Which I really doubt. You are such a poor person, the only thing you
can do is to threaten me. And I would like to spit in your face so hard. But I
dont fucking know who you are, I only know that for you Im less valuable than
a fucking truck. But you will never listen to this. And punching you till you ask
for mercy is not an option, I dont believe it will be good for my mental health. I
HATE YOU, havent i told you this already? well, there are some things that we
are allowed to repeat as many times we want. if there is no limit for the I love
you, why should there be one for the I hate you? Its fucking ridiculous.
Religion says hating is not good for anyone. But I dont believe much now,
remember?
2006 new year, new life? I certainly wish, from the bottom of my heart, but
four days have come and passed and nothing has really changed (except for
the fact that Im now hanging out with other people , who are not actually new,
and thats not the kind of change I was hoping for I know , one has to work
out the changes one wants just give me time and youll see)
HOLIDAYS! It seems its all about risking. And wasnt this year about risking? If I
find a encouraging project, Im there. And my tattoo if you look at me for two
seconds, I will print on my skin the mark of everything I know I dont want to
repeat (and thats definite)
2006 today is January 5th yet nice day to make promises? No, please, I
have made too many of them in my life and none had any value. At least I think
I could try saying some things I would like to change, or improve.. no more
food, for instance, or at least the least as possible. And no more t.v. Can I
watch only one our per day? Please, please, please? Ok, but it has to be a really
good hour. NO! Everwood doesnt count as a good hour, although I must admit
it is a good show. Mmmm, who is gonna buy that of the vindicating father? Not
me at least. But we have to bear in mind that I have an absent father. Which is
an strange (and indirect) way of saying that I dont have any father at all. And
here the affirming by negating doesnt count.
Green is hope, doesnt it? And there has to be a reason why I chose it. I think I
know what that reason is (or who). Installing a new you is all an
improvement although I dont know well, lets just be positive about the
whole topic. (I think my computer is now threatening me she says she wont
bear me crying for this same person in a month time and how about in three
weeks? she says I will be electrocuted if I dont bring good news soon. Well, I
promise Ill do my best. Yes, this promise has value, I swear. And I never swear
in vain well, hardly ever. What do you want? I cant call him tonight. And I
want toinclude him in my messenger now. What are you, crazy? Ok, ok, I will
solve this a.s.a.p. ) Going back to the hope thing, you know I never mention
names (and if you didnt know, now you do) but becoming you in my life has
its credit well, in some cases it didnt, but, as we said, new year, new life,
lets leave the past behind. Its quite hard for me to begin with this, maybe
because I know theres no way back once I start. Theres a great chance youll
leave a mark in my life, or even worse, in my heart. The thing is I dont wanna
be suffering this camp while seeing you chasing some stupid underage girl,
although I think that will be inevitable, and in a way necessary for me to write
all those stupidities I like writing, preferably in English for the rest to ask, or at
least to be intrigued who am I kidding that only happens in my mind. But in
a strange, funny, unusual (or very usual), amazing and complicated way (its
me after all, isnt it) I believe I care about you. And I swear I fought against that
feeling (well, not so much), but it beat me. And now I want to beat you. I think
youre special, I just need a bit of attention and somebody caring about me
8but not anybody). Could that be you? Only time will say the game has
started, but you have to talk to me in order to play. What if you dont play? Oh,
no, babe, you dont have a choice in this game. I have decided youre gonna
play. My first move? I really need a mic. Do you have one? Pay attention to
me!!! Wanna see you. Dont you know that my wishes are orders? I know that
you can change my life, but that is putting expectations on someone, and that
is wrong dont make me suffer, please, not you, not again. We can play
together, itll be fun, of that Im sure. Just give me an opportunity.

10/01/06
GRGRGRGRGRGRGRGRGGRRGRGRG
I DONY KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH
MYSELF,
JUST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH
MYSELF
ABOUT OPPORTUNITIES THAT WERE WASTED, YOUR COLDNESS ON THE
PHONE, AND A NEW BEING IN MY LIFE (ALTHOUGH NOBODY KNOWS IF IT
WILL LAST). AND THE ANGER TOWARDS MYSELF BECAUSE OF THE
THINGS I DIDNT DO, FOR THE ONES I DID AND FOR THE ONES THAT I AM
NOT SURE OF DOING (AND ALSO FOR SCREWING EVERYTHING UP,
SPECIALLY THE EFFORT I MADE YESTERDAY) YOU SEE, I NEED SOME
MESHKALINA TOO (EVEN MORE THAN YOU DO)
MISS YOU BABE. NOT THE PERSON I TALKED TO TODAY, I MISS YOU,
THE ONE WHO HUGGED ME AND WANTED TO KISS ME, AND WANTED TO
SLEEP OVER IN MY BEDROOM AND DOESNT CARE A DAMN ABOUT
ANYTHING. COULD YOU BRING HIM BACK, PLEASE? TELL HIM I NEED
HIM.

1/2/06
Sobre sueos que se esparcen, y se expanden, y se alejan justo cuando uno
crea poder tocarlos con la punta de los dedos. Siguen habiendo muchas cosas
que nunca voy a poder entender. A la gente, por ejemplo. Al destino. A ese dios
que todava no se si existe (aunque no debera decirlo muy fuerte. O debera
gritarlo, quien sabe?) porque en el mundo hay gente maravillosa por la que vale
la pena recorrer los caminos de la soledad y la tristeza. Y porque el camino en
si es una meta, no importa si al final hay un paredn con un cartel que diga fin
del camino. Vivir la vida a tope, cuanta razn tiene Maricruz. Solo que a veces
es difcil entender que significa esa frase. Vivir las emociones a pleno. Estallar
de risa contagiada por un amigo. Extraar a esa gente que te marca para
siempre, aunque uno no se lo diga. Desear volver pero no hacerlo mucho (por las
putas decepciones, viste?) llorar a mares solo para sentirse ms vivo que nunca
luego. Y aprender, siempre se aprende algo, de eso no te quepa duda. Yo estoy
aprendiendo a sentir para afuera. Que es eso? En unos meses te lo digo. Es
difcil reconocer los cambios en el medio del proceso. Y duele, mucho duele.
Pero de todos modos prefiero estar viva. No option, nunca la hubo, solo una
pendeja pelotuda aburrida de ver novelas. Life is out there, yes it is. Y hay
millones de formas de vivirla, todas vlidas mientras evite hacerme mierda
gratis. Estoy aprendiendo a quererme. Cuesta, y ah es donde jode no tener a
nadie que me quiera a m, a m y a nadie ms que a m. Pero ya va a llegar. Pronto
va a llegar. Viajar te cambia la cabeza, pero lo mejor es cambiar la cabeza para
disfrutar las cosas a full, sin prejuicios ni dolores de cabeza. Por sobre todas
las cosas prometo seguir pelendola, y esta es una de las pocas promesas que
se que voy a cumplir.

Domingo (es lo nico que me acuerdo)

Who could account for the hole in my soul and for the pain in my stomach?
Who the hell are you to remain in my mind, as a mystery, as an unattainable
wish? It is certainly not love what my heart feels, but, what is it? Loneliness?
Or maybe you are just a fucking excuse to allow myself to feel blue. I need
some people, some real people around me. Where are they? I dont know. Have
I pushed them away?
Buenos Aires, fucking Buenos Aires. Por qu no nac en Praga, Bruselas, Paris o
Barcelona?
Estoy cansada de esta vida de mierda. Aunque quizs eso lo diga hoy porque
estoy en mi casa, hace mucho calor, no tengo pileta, y faltan demasiadas cosas
en mi vida. Y no funciona eso de aprender a quererme.
Que aprend de mi vieja? A ser manipuladora. Aunque no lo uso todo el tiempo
como ella. (en algn punto me tena que diferenciar, no?) a no poder alegrarme
de los logros ajenos, a sentir que siempre me falta algo, a ser insegura, a
justificarme, a sentirme mal para no enfrentar la puta realidad, a echarle la
culpa a los dems,

nia solitaria @ 2006-03-05 00:04 said:

que es lo que duele cuando duele tanto pero no duele en ningun lugar?
con que remedio se cura la melancola una tarde de domingo?
no quiero q se acabe el verano. no quiero ser una ms en tu vida. (ni una menos). no quiero
otra desilusin.
quiero alguien que me cuente un cuento antes de dormir. ni siquiera tiene q ser cierto, basta con
que termine bien.
la vida tiene libro de quejas?

Ya vas a ver como van sanando

Poco a poco tus heridas
Ya vas a ver como va
La misma vida a decantar la sal que sobra del mar

Let There Be Love

Who kicked a hole in the sky so the heavens would cry over me?
Who stole the soul from the sun in a world come undone at the seams?
Let there be love
Let there be love
I hope the weather is calm as you sail up your heavenly stream
Suspended clear in the sky are the words that we sing in our dreams
Let there be love
Let there be love
Let there be love
Let there be love

Come on baby blue

Shake up your tired eyes
The world is waiting for you
May all your dreaming fill the empty sky

But if it makes you happy

Keep on clapping
Just remember I'll be by your side
And if you only go, it's gonna pass you by

Who kicked a hole in the sky so the heavens would cry over me?
Who stole the soul from the sun in a world come undone at the seams?
Let there be love
Let there be love
Let there be love
Let there be love

Let There Be Love.......

Let There Be Love............

Original Of The Species

Baby slow down
The end is not as fun as the start
Please stay a child somewhere in your heart

I'll give you everything you want

Except the thing you want
You are the first one of your kind

And you feel like no one before

You steal right under my door
And I kneel 'cos I want you some more
I want the lot of what you got
And I want nothing you're not

Everywhere you go you shout it

You don't have to be shy about it

Some things you shouldn't get too good at

Like smiling, crying and celebrity
Some people got way too much confidence baby

I'll give you everything you want

Except the thing you want
You are the first one of your kind
 And you feel like no one before
You steal right under my door
And I kneel 'cos I want you some more
I want the lot of what you got
And I want nothing you're not

Everywhere you go you shout it

You don't have to be shy about it, no

And you'll never be alone

Come on now, show your soul
You've been keeping your love under control

Everywhere you go you shout it

You don't have to be shy about it, no
Everywhere you go you shout it
Oh my my

And you feel like no one before

You steal right under my door
I kneel 'cos I want you some more
I want you some more
I want you some more

Oh no, oh no
Oh no, oh no

4/3/06

I can already hear what people would say. Yeah, maybe they wont pay so
much attention to us. But what one of a hell couple we would make. Its
been more than a day, so I believe Im entitled to miss you, although Ive
been doing it since I kissed you goodbye yesterday. You got something
special, you now? We all do, and each one should have a special person to
notice it.
Im tired, and I have a lot to do tomorrow. I hope I will see you. And youll
give me a hug. But who would take me out of the hole Ill be in if you
dont say hello to me?
I dont want to be one more in your life baby. Though I wouldnt stand
being one less either.
I only need a tinny tiny piece of help. Would that be so much?

nia solitaria @ 2006-03-08 21:08 said:

esa cancin merece que deje unas palabras. O acaso hay algo ms cierto que eso de que nunca
sabemos que nos deparara el destino? o que cada palabra que yo digo puede ser distorsionada
de una y mil formas por tus oidos?
y tambien es cierto que puede que todo siga igual. aunque creo que eso se debe a nuestra
incapacidad para reconocer los sutiles matices de la luz del sol cuando se filtra por las hojas de
los arboles. tengo sueo pero tengo miedo de dormirme y no soar algo que me saque del
hastio por lo menos por un rato.
quiero vivir el sueo de los dioses,
la aspiracin al infinito,
la extravagancia de saberme mortal y no hace nada al respecto

10/03/06
No podan faltar los Fab Four en mi primer posteo (primer posteo, suena tierno,
no?)
Vencer al tiempo, hacerse eternos, tiene su mrito, no?

Nunca pens que llegara el da en que tuviera mi propio flog. No es la gran cosa,
ya se, pero siempre cre que mi vagancia y mi aversin a los flogs iban a ser ms
fuertes.
Pero aqu estoy, soy yo, o tal vez otra (somos tantos...) Quedan las sombras, los
recuerdos, las presunciones...
Lo que no fue y lo que pudo haber sido (que a veces es lo mismo y a veces no)
Las soledades compartidas tienen su encanto, no sabemos que nos deparar el
destino, pero al menos podemos comparar incertidumbres.

Ser verdad eso de que all you need is love? Y si es as, dnde se compra?
No creo en demasiadas cosas. Si en el Let it be. Para que forzar las cosas si al
final todo fluye.
El tiempo dir (que frase, no?) Y el tiempo dice tantas cosas...

Sofisticacin baby. Join my club if you want. But if you don't like me, well, goodbye.
I don't need to explain myself, my cyclothymic personality will speak for itself.
I got really tired of carrying a mask for so long (although this fact of writing in
another language may be another) What can I do, analysing myself is one of my
hobbies.

Igual creo q que esta frase me resume bastante bien...

I DONY KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF,

JUST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF

Prometo la prxima escribir sobre sueos que se esparcen, y se expanden, y se

alejan justo cuando uno crea poder tocarlos con la punta de los dedos. Aunque a
nadie le importe, cosa que a mi me importa menos todava.

Bueno, escriban lo que quieran, no firmen de compromiso y sean autnticos. Vale

postear cualquier cosa que sea interesante. En realidad creo que vale todo. Como
en el amor. Y en la guerra.
Si usted ha llegado hasta aqu, lo felicito, tiene mucho ms poder de concentracin
que yo.

14/03/06
La razn cuesta menos que la locura, solo hay que salir a la calle y hacer todo lo que hace el
resto.
Con el tiempo ya nos sale automticamente, y hasta parece que siempre estuvimos as de
cuerdos.

15/03/06

Hoy me despierto y decido si quiero ser un angel o un

demonio, aunque lo ms probable es que termine siendo esa
mezcla indefinida, adoptando la mscara ms amena para
sobrellevar el resto del da, la sonrisita tibia, la
reconciliaciones con el entorno, las palabras amables, por
favor, perdn, gracias...
Quin dijo que hay que pedir perdn?

Yo creo que hay que arrepentirse solo de lo que uno no hace

convencido.

Y aprender a convivir con los errores.

Quien pudiera ser como Alicia para traspasar el espejo cada

vez que la realidad parece estar trazada por el lpiz de aquel
angel malvado (o tan solo aburrido de su existencia
mediocre). Y nadie se anima a preguntar por qu. Y todos nos
callamos la boca y seguimos fingiendo, buscando estpidas
razones para nuestro padecer.
Yo quiero un espejo para inventarme un cielo nuevo cada vez
que me levante y est nublado. Yo quiero un conejo que me
recuerde cada da que es mi no cumpleaos. Yo quiero que me
guardes en tu bolsillo cuando los problemas sean muy
grandes y me persigan para aplastarme. Yo quiero vivir en un
pas donde todo sea diferente con solo pestaear.
Ser mucho pedir?
FELIZ CUMPLEAOS
PRINCESA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ponele media pila que no todos lo das se cumplen veinti....

cuantos eran?
Bueno, no importa. Ismael dice que el hecho de estar vivo
siempre exige algo.
Y muchas veces es sangre, aunque nos cansemos de las
transfusiones. Yo no tengo mucha, pero si quers te doy un
poco. Algunos dicen que tengo sangre fra, cosa que espero no
sea cierta... aunque por otro lado estara bueno...

Al final todo cierra... empec hablando de cambiar la piel...

Me habr llegado el momento de metamorfosearme?

16/03/06

Champagne Supernova

How many special people change

How many lives are living strange
Where were you when we were getting high?
Slowly walking down the hall
Faster than a cannon ball
Where were you while we were getting high?

Some day you will find me

Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova in the sky
Some day you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova
A champagne supernova in the sky

Wake up the dawn and ask her why

A dreamer dreams she never dies
Wipe that tear away now from your eye
Slowly walking down the hall
Faster than a cannon ball
Where were you when we were getting high?

Some day you will find me

Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova in the sky
 Some day you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova
A champagne supernova in the sky

Cos people believe that theyre

Gonna get away for the summer
But you and I, we live and die
The worlds still spinning round
We dont know why
Why, why, why, why

How many special people change

How many lives are living strange
Where were you when we were getting high?
Slowly walking down the hall
Faster than a cannon ball
Where were you while we were getting high?

Some day you will find me

Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova in the sky
Some day you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova
A champagne supernova in the sky

Cos people believe that theyre

Gonna get away for the summer
But you and I, we live and die
The worlds still spinning round
We dont know why
Why, why, why, why

How many special people change

How many lives are living strange
Where were you when we were getting high?
We were getting high
We were getting high
We were getting high
We were getting high

Hoy llueve, hoy duele? La panza me duele. Pero esa es otra historia. O
tal vez sea parte de la misma.

No lo se. Leer sobre ilusiones que tena hasta hace unos pocos das si
duele. Pensar que parece que lo que quiero nunca es para m. Sentir que
hay una especie de complotacin csmica contra mi persona, siempre
lista a impedir que logre cualquier tipo de sueo que pueda tener (eso
se llama paranoia, no?) No se, a veces pienso que lo que deseo no es
taaaaan ambicioso. A lo mejor lo que me falta (como deca alguien q
conozco) es arriesgarme. Quizs no sea tan imposible como pienso. O
quizs termine con mi linda naricita rota del golpe que me d contra la
pared. Y bueno, son los gajes del oficio. qu oficio? Ese de ser
inconformista. El de rompe pelotas. Aunque yo solo me hago la vida
imposible a mi misma.
Y hay planes, y proyectos, y ganas de quedarme en la cama mirando
televisin. Pero bue...