Diplomacy

Special

learn how
to be diplomatic
like a native speaker
 03 Focus
Diplomacy series OWAD Business English Trainer | Oktober 2014

50
Shades of
Diplomacy
Chester Karras once described the perfect
diplomat as "Someone who can tell you to go
to hell in such a way that you look forward to
the trip." Why is it necessary to be diplomatic,
and when and how do we use language in or-
der to leave the right impression?

Delivering bad news, responding to com-

plaints, giving instructions,... are situations
where a wrong choice of words can easily lead
to ill-feelings and damaged relationships.

The many shades of diplomacy depend on
many factors: existing relationship, intention,
urgency, emotions, age group, power position,
personality, gender, culture, social context,
and whether one is writing or speaking.
Following 1. Apologizing, the next issues of OBET will
cover diplomacy for 2. Clarifying, 3. Disagreeing, 4.
Interrupting, 5. Refusing, 6. Instructing, 7. Complain-
ing, 8. Warning, 9. Asking for Help, 10. Sympathizing.

Straight translations can be dangerous. "Kom- Ich wnsche Ihnen viel Erfolg und
men Sie hier, bitte" feels fine in German, vor allem Spa!
whereas the English "You come here please"
could be rather offensive. "Would you mind Ihr
coming over here for just a moment" is fine, Paul Smith
whereby the addition of "if it's not too much
trouble, please!" is sliding towards sarcasm.

To sensitize you to shades of English diplo-

macy, we are presenting polite expressions in
matrix-form for 10 difficult situations. Study
the examples and get a feeling for language in
2-dimensional space. A good, general strategy
is to match the formality and sophistication
level of your partner, except where he's being
nasty, in which case,... better stay nice.
 04 Diplomacy series OWAD Business English Trainer | February 2017

The top 10 most challenging situations

Episode I/X: Apologizing

To kick off our series the top 10 most challenging sit-
uations for non-native professional speakers, today we
are featuring Apologizing.
The + plus or - minus signs do not indicate good or bad
expressions, they simply indicate magnitude.
The horizontal axis Sophistication is a function of
vocabulary frequency and shows how nuanced or
rhetorically complex the expression is.
The vertical axis Formality is a function of power
distance. It progresses from idiomatic or colloquial,
to more formal respectful expressions. Although the
modern style is write as you speak, many people still
write with more formality than they speak.
Ultimately, our choice of wording will depend on our in-
tention, the situation and the style of our counterpart.

HIGH (+) I very much regret any inconvenience you may have suffered

You have my personal guarantee that this will never recur

I sincerely regret what has happened

Please accept my apologies for what has happened

I deeply regret what has happened

Will you please forgive my indiscretion

Formality

I cannot express how sorry I am

LOW (-) Sophistication HIGH (+)

 04 Diplomacy series
The top 10 most challenging situations
Situation 2: Clarifying
To kick off our series the top 10 most challenging sit-
uations for non-native professional speakers, today we
are featuring Clarifying.
The + plus or - minus signs do not indicate good or bad
expressions, they simply indicate magnitude.
The horizontal axis Sophistication is a function of
vocabulary frequency and shows how nuanced or
rhetorically complex the expression is.
HIGH (+)
Formality
LOW (-) Sophistication
OWAD Business English Trainer | March 2017
The vertical axis Formality is a function of power
distance. It progresses from idiomatic or colloquial,
to more formal respectful expressions. Although the
modern style is write as you speak, many people still
write with more formality than they speak.
Ultimately, our choice of wording will depend on our in-
tention, the situation and the style of our counterpart.
HIGH (+)
 07 Diplomacy series
The top 10 most challenging situations
Situation 3: Disagreeing
As part of our on-going series the top 10 most chal-
lenging situations for non-native professional speak-
ers, today we are featuring Disagreeing.
The + plus or - minus signs do not indicate good or bad
expressions, they simply indicate magnitude.
The horizontal axis Sophistication is a function of
vocabulary frequency and shows how nuanced or
rhetorically complex the expression is.
HIGH (+)
Formality
LOW (-)
OWAD Business English Trainer | April 2017
The vertical axis Formality is a function of power
distance. It progresses from idiomatic or colloquial,
to more formal respectful expressions. Although the
modern style is write as you speak, many people still
write with more formality than they speak.
Ultimately, our choice of wording will depend on our in-
tention, the situation and the style of our counterpart.
Sophistication HIGH (+)
 06 Diplomacy Series
The Top 10 Most Challenging Situations
Situation 4: Interrupting
As part of our on-going series the top 10 most chal-
lenging situations for non-native professional speak-
ers, today we are featuring Interrupting.
The + plus or - minus signs do not indicate good or bad
expressions, they simply indicate magnitude.
The horizontal axis Sophistication is a function of
vocabulary frequency and shows how nuanced or
rhetorically complex the expression is.
HIGH (+)
Formality
LOW (-) Sophistication
OWAD Business English Trainer | May 2017
The vertical axis Formality is a function of power
distance. It progresses from idiomatic or colloquial,
to more formal respectful expressions. Although the
modern style is write as you speak, many people still
write with more formality than they speak.
Ultimately, our choice of wording will depend on our in-
tention, the situation and the style of our counterpart.
HIGH (+)
 04 Diplomacy Series
The Top 10 Most Challenging Situations
Situation 5: Refusing
As part of our on-going series the top 10 most chal-
lenging situations for non-native professional speak-
ers, today we are featuring Refusing.
The + plus or - minus signs do not indicate good or bad
expressions, they simply indicate magnitude.
The horizontal axis Sophistication is a function of
vocabulary frequency and shows how nuanced or
rhetorically complex the expression is.
HIGH (+)
Formality
LOW (-) Sophistication
OWAD Business English Trainer | June 2017
The vertical axis Formality is a function of power
distance. It progresses from idiomatic or colloquial,
to more formal respectful expressions. Although the
modern style is write as you speak, many people still
write with more formality than they speak.
Ultimately, our choice of wording will depend on our in-
tention, the situation and the style of our counterpart.
HIGH (+)
13 Small Talk Professional OWAD Business English Trainer | May 2017

Don't Mention
The War! Brexit / /

_
Political minefields in the office:
Donald Trump and Brexit

_
 14 Small Talk Professional
We used to say Don't Mention The
War. Now, when dealing with Brit-
ish and US colleagues and business
partners, we have to ask ourselves
how to handle topics that are on
lots of people's minds: Donald
Trump and Brexit.
Thanks to 24-hour news coverage
and instant access to happenings
around the world, these issues
seep into our private conversa-
tions every day. Although they
have major implications for our
businesses and jobs, such topics
are nonetheless delicate and high-
ly-political. You have your opinion
and your business partners and
colleagues have theirs. There's a
50/50 chance your views will clash.
Seldom have we lived and worked
in such an emotional political envi-
ronment. But we all have our jobs
to do and many of us work at inter-
national companies. The question
is how to get through this minefield
without disrupting personal and
business relationships and without
impacting work activities.
Toxic mixtures
An old adage says "Don't have
your money where your honey is."
Although this expression is mean-
while a bit hackneyed, the message
remains valid: don't mix romance
and work. That's easier said than
done. We're only human after all.
The same goes for politics and
business. Generally speaking, such
topics should be avoided. Bringing
them up can create uncomfortable
situations. We all rely on personal
relationships at work to perform
our jobs, so why throw a wrench
into them?
Political minefields can also be bad
for business. An extreme, but still
illustrative example is the infamous
Monty Python sketch titled "Don't
Mention The War", in which British
pub owner John Cleese insists on
making references to the war while
serving a group of outraged Ger-
man guests.
The art of diplomacy
Still, we can't live in a bubble and
expect to be successful at work.
Consider for a moment the not so
uncommon practice of hanging out
in a hotel bar with business part-
ners and customers or at an airport
bar with colleagues. These days
there's a good chance the televi-
sion monitors will be showing Don-
ald Trump on CNN one moment
and a roundtable Brexit discussion
on BBC the next. It's difficult to es-
cape these touchy subjects in our
modern world.
The question is, how do we handle
these inevitable situations when
they arise? Telling someone that
you prefer not to discuss a certain
topic, without conveying your opin-
ion, is an art in and of itself. Not
offending someone who directly
broaches the subject with you and
shares their view - uninvited - can
also be problematic. To help you
navigate these shallow waters, fol-
lowing are a few sample dialogues
that you can adapt to our own
needs and the situation at hand.
OWAD Business English Trainer | May 2017
Political minefields in the
office
There are several ways to respond
in a professional manner when po-
litical topics arise in the office:
Avoid & deflect: If you really don't
want to discuss a particular topic,
you can deftly avoid or deflect the
subject. People will get the sense
that you might be uncomfortable
with the topic without you coming
right out and admitting it.
Empathise & express: By first tell-
ing someone you understand how
they feel, you put them at ease, not
on the defensive. Express your own
opinion, but soften it by couching
it in general terms (people in Ger-
many believe...we generally think
that...the consensus in other parts
of Europe is that...what I've read is
that...).
Express & qualify: Here you can
state an opinion upfront, but then
"pad it" a bit to soften the landing.
Vocabulary Trainer
to seep into einsickern
delicate heikel
to clash mit etw. kollidieren,
with sth. aneinander geraten
to throw a einen Strich durch die
wrench into sth. Rechnung machen
inevitable unausweichlich,
vorprogrammiert
to broach sth. etw. ansprechen
deftly geschickt
to couch sth. etw. formulieren
 15 Small Talk Professional OWAD Business English Trainer | May 2017

Situation 1
Customers from the UK visit your offices in Germany. During a meeting break, they engage in a discussion of
Brexit and try to get you involved.

"...What do you think

Thomas?"
UK co-worker

Avoid & deflect Avoid & deflect

I really don't know enough to have formed I think that's an internal issue for the
an opinion yet... people of the UK to decide...

Empathise & express Empathise & express

I understand why you feel strongly about I get what you're saying, but from what
voting yes, but many people in Germany I've read...
believe...

Express & qualify Express & qualify

Although I think the Brexit will have I don't believe the Brexit will be as bad as
serious consequences for all of Europe, I'm some people think, but then again I'm not
hopeful a compromise solution can be found... a UK citizen...
 16 Small Talk Professional OWAD Business English Trainer | May 2017

Situation 2
You travel to your German company's offices in the US. At dinner with some of your American colleagues, they
probe your opinion on Donald Trump.

Trump is finally going

to change things in
Washington. What do
Germans think about
all of this Thomas?
US colleague

What not to say...

Avoid & deflect
I think most Germans are tak-
ing a wait and see attitude...
Empathise & express
Germans understand to a
certain extent why some people
like Trump, but what we don't
quite comprehend is...
How could you possibly
vote that way?
If the UK wants to
leave Europe, that's fine
with me.
Trump is a danger to
the world.
How could American
voters be so stupid?
Avoid & deflect
It's been an interesting de-
velopment to observe. I guess
we will see what happens...
Empathise & express
We get your point about the
desire for change, but with the
current situation we think...

The Brits will get what

Express & qualify
There is concern about some of
his foreign policies, but things
probably won't be as bad as the
media makes them out to be...
they deserve.
If you ask me, the
apocalypse is upon us.
Brexit? I'm tired of
hearing about it.
Express & qualify
We don't share his views on
the environment as you know,
but the truth is, you can't
always agree on everything...
 03 Special Feature
Men Beware, Women Take Care!
Cross-gender communication challenges at the workplace
The following story was related to
me by a client many years ago (names
have been changed):
"How would you like your coffee?"
asked Rachael, the senior VP's per-
sonal assistant. Her question was
directed to a group of German
managers just before a meeting at
their Boston headquarters. "I'll take
it black, hot, and sweet. Just like you!"
answered Hermann with a wink. The
resulting silence was described by
Hermann's boss as "deafening". After
what seemed like an eternity, the
American VP came to the rescue with
"I'll put that down to a translation
mistake and ignore the wink! Now
let's move quickly on to the agenda."
The discomfort lasted much longer
than the one hour meeting!
Nowadays, and more than ever be-
fore, men need to be ultra-careful
about what to say to female col-
leagues. Stanley Bing's hilarious novel
"You look nice today" describes how a
man's entire career unravels after an
innocent compliment to his neurotic
assistant.
Notwithstanding, there are impor-
tant reasons why gender issues and
OWAD Business English Trainer | May 2017
even sex should be an important dis-
cussion topic with colleagues at work,
and even with clients.
Humour is serious
Many large companies have explicit
guidelines regarding appropriate
behaviour and language. Men in
particular would do well to follow
these. British Petroleum's code of
conduct for instance, explicitly for-
bids telling jokes of a racial, ethnic,
religious, disability, age or sexual
nature, not only within the compa-
ny, but with customers, contractors,
suppliers, joint venture partners and
other third parties. Besides a highly
responsive HR department, BP runs a
24-hour hotline and has a dedicated
ombudsman to engage with compli-
ance disputes.
Women take care
But whatever corporate guidelines
say, many females are still confronted
with clumsy comments and unwelcome
advances.
The clever put-down, while providing
emotional satisfaction, isn't going to
neutralize the office Romeo or please
a customer or business partner:
He: "Theres something wrong with my
eyes. I cant take them off you."
She: "Im having a problem with mine,
too. I cant see you getting anywhere
with me."
He: "Are you Jamaican? Because Ja-
maican me crazy!"
She: "No, Im Finnish. Finish with this
conversation!"
He: "I just Googled 'sexy' and a picture
of you came up."
She: "Youll get the same result if you
search for not interested."
 04 Special Feature
Another option is simply to ignore
the male advance, but this may be
misinterpreted as shy interest and
leave the woman vulnerable to further
advances.
The best strategy is to start soft and
subtle, after all, why use a hammer
when a feather will do the trick quite
nicely?
The art of the soft "no"
> "Mr Jones, I'll accept that compli-
ment in the professional spirit I'm sure
it was intended"
> "Oh dear, Mr Hopkins, I'm wonder-
ing how a native speaker would phrase
an elegant refusal to that charming
request"
> "Really, Mr Watson! I'm sure you
didn't mean what I think I heard you
just say"
> "Thanks Ronnie, but you'll under-
stand that my significant other would
be less than happy if I were to accept
that kind of invitation"
The important thing about making a
refusal is not to wait for one's coun-
terpart to answer, but to change the
subject quickly with a statement fol-
lowed by an open question:
> "By the way, I understand you were
in Frankfurt some years ago. Has the
city changed much in the meantime?"
> "On a different note, you might
be interested in our current music
festival. Which genre would be your
particular favourite?"
> "Regarding the meeting, we're
really excited about the new campaign.
How do you suggest we kick-off?"
OWAD Business English Trainer | May 2017
When all else fails, or even afterwards,
talking openly about gender issues is
always healthy. Just beware of what
you read. Popular psychology books
like "Men are from Mars, Women are
from Venus" or "Why Women Talk
and Men Don't Listen" have done a
lot to emphasise how differently the
sexes think and behave, but many of
their conclusions are based on shaky
assumptions and insufficient evidence.
The "fact" that the average woman
speaks 20,000 words per day and
men only 7,000 went viral in 2006.
Never substantiated, this urban myth
strengthened the belief that women
are not only the more talkative sex, but
three times more. In the same spirit,
we now have toilet-signage where the
entire ladies door is painted with the
same word hundreds of times: "blah,
blah, blah, blah," the gents has just
the single "blah"! BP would definitely
not approve.
If you're interested in learning more
about what people think about gender,
check out OWAD's current online sur-
vey "Should Little Girls Wear Pink?" at
gender.owad-survey.com
Paul Smith
Vocabulary Trainer
discomfort Unannehmlichkeit,
Unbehagen
to unravel zerstren, auer
Kontrolle geraten
put-down Demtigung
vulnerable gefhrdet
shaky zweifelhaft
insufficient unzureichend
13 Language Situations OWAD Business English Trainer | March 2017

Language Situations
by Ken Taylor, Senior Partner, Paul Smith Associates

So deuten Sie
verborgene Signale
_
Listening between the lines

_
 14 Language Situations
We will never agree to what you
are proposing is a clear statement
of position. But if you add the
words in its present form, you im-
mediately indicate a potential will-
ingness to negotiate.
Giving and understanding these
kinds of signals are all part of the
skill of negotiating. But reading
between the lines in this way can
be a problem for a second lan-
guage speaker. If your negotiating
partner says to you in English We
would find it extremely difficult to
meet that deadline, what does he
mean exactly?
It's basically a question of listening
between the lines. That means lis-
tening for words that make definite
statements more tentative and
listening for statements that only
rule out one of the possible alter-
natives. Extremely difficult is not
the same as impossible. And may-
be that deadline could be negoti-
ated too.
Here are some examples:
We never negotiate on
price!
While this sounds very definite, the
hidden signal is that they would
happily discuss delivery, quality
and quantities.
These are our standard
contract terms.
The implication is that there are
also non-standard terms available.
We could not produce
those quantities in that
time frame.
But they are prepared to negotiate
either the quantities or the times.
Our price for that
quantity is $40,000.
Different quantity, different price!
These are extremely
reasonable conditions
we propose.
This is their preferred position, but
its negotiable.
Here are five more sentences with
hidden signals. What is the possi-
bility for negotiation? The answers
are at the end of the article.
a) It is not our normal practice to
pay within 30 days.
b) We never give discounts of more
than 5 per cent.
c) We are not prepared to discuss
this now.
d) Our production line is not set up
to deal with these requirements.
e) I am not empowered to negoti-
ate these levels of discount.
Hidden signals of
a third kind
There are also hidden signals of
another kind. Some cultures prefer
to make difficulties and differences
of opinion less obvious than they
really are. They do this for reasons
of politeness and to imply that all
problems can be solved. We have
a bit of a problem with this. This
can mean that the problem is a con-
siderable one.
Here are some other examples:
Theres a short delay in produc-
tion.
Check the exact timing.
OWAD Business English Trainer | March 2017
I have some doubts about the
project.
How many are some?
There seems to be a slight mis-
understanding.
This is often used as a serious
warning of difficulties.
We just need a little more time.
Try to get your business partners
to specify how much more time
they need.
Qualifying difficulties is part of
what many cultures need to keep
the business relationship harmoni-
ous. Although it's usually not a de-
liberate attempt to hide the truth,
be aware that soft words can some-
times hide deep disagreement.
Answers:
a) So whos normal? Its negotiable.
b) Never say never! And 1 per cent
- 5 per cent are negotiable anyway.
c) But we are prepared to discuss
it later.
d) So lets negotiate the alterna-
tive requirements or the costs of
re-setting the production line.
e) Take me to your boss!
Vocabulary Trainer
tentative vorsichtig, vorlufig
implication Andeutung
discount Rabatt
empowered ermchtigt
considerable erheblich, deutlich
deliberate absichtlich, bewusst
Impressum
OWAD Business English Trainer
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