The Great Emu War

In Which Some Emus Beat the Whole Australian Army

(Alternatively Titled:
The Great Emu War
Where A Bunch of Large, Flightless Birds Outsmarted the Entire
Australian Population)
By Brooklyn Quallen
Edited by Sreeta Basu
Can you imagine a real life situation in which an actual army waged a war against a

bunch of flightless birds and lost? It happened. It was glorious. It was the Great Emu War.

The Great Emu War lasted from November 2, 1932 to December 10, 1932. It was caused

by the arrival of as many as 20,000 emus who mercilessly came and ate farmers crops. Sir

George Pearce, the Minister of Defense, deployed the Royal Australian Artillery to deal with the

emus, instead of diplomatically asking the emus to stop. With this act, the Great Emu War had

officially started.

The first of many unsuccessful attempts by the Australians to dispatch the emus came

on November 2, 1932. Only about a dozen birds were killed because the Australians began to

shoot while the emus were completely out of range. On November 4, Major G.P.W. Meredith

established an ambush near a dam. When around 1,000 emus got into range, the gunners
opened fire. Only twelve birds were killed, as the gun jammed . The emus got their revenge for

November 2 that day. They all but delivered themselves on a silver platter to the army, and

they still won. There were many more disastrous attempts leading up to November 8. One was

Meredith attempting to mount guns on a truck to chase the emus. The truck couldnt move fast

enough, so the emus outsmarted the army yet again. The number of birds killed is uncertain. A

report from the Base Commander indicated that 300 emus had been killed, even though 2,500

rounds of ammunition were fired. No Australians died. On November 8, the guns were

withdrawn, as the emus appeared to have won due to their guerilla tactics: splitting into small

units so that the machine gun usage would be uneconomic.

The second attempt happened after the military had withdrawn from their initial attacks

on the emu population. The emus continued to attack crops. James Mitchell, the Premier of

Western Australia, supported renewed military assistance to deal with them. By November 12,

the Minister of Defense approved even more military efforts. He said that the soldiers were

necessary to combat the incredibly serious agricultural threat of the large emu population. On

November 13, the military attacked once more and only about 40 emus were killed. The third

day, November 15, was even less successful, if you can imagine that. By December 2, the guns

were accounting for 100 emus per week. When Meredith did the math, however, it appeared

that it took 10 bullets to bring down one emu, which was pretty pathetic. The army was

recalled on December 10.

 The emu victory was clear. They had managed to outwit the Australian army over the

course of only 45 days. Using their extraordinarily superior intellect, they evaded the

Australians attempt to stop their pillaging of crops by successfully eating their way through

farmers crops. The farmers called for more war on the poor, flightless emus, but the

government had enough of being embarrassed by the mighty emus. The lesson to be learned

from the shortest war in world history is to NEVER underestimate the emu. They always win.

Always.