Seminar 8

NLP: Transactional analysis and the drama triangle

1. Comment on transactional analysis. Give its general characteristics, define
the terms ego-state, transactions and lifescript. Comment on types of ego-states and
transactions.
2. Comment on the Drama Triangle. Specify roles and their strategies.
3. Analyze the dialogues below employing the inventory discussed in the
lectures on interpersonal communication (NLP, TA, Drama Triangle). Comment on
verbal and non-verbal means used by the characters to pursue their goals in each
interaction:
(a) He was always mad at me if he thought I had drunk more than I could take.
Celebrating, are you? he said, tapping an impatient biro.
I suddenly realized that I was carrying a bag containing a magnum of champagne and
something else. I looked inside. The something else was a shiny gold ear set on a base of glass and
chrome. My award. The shows award. I placed both the bottle and the award on the table, careful
to avoid Pats homework.
Congratulations, he said, softening a little. The show won. You won. But then he
scowled again when he saw me fumbling with the foil on the bottle. Just a nightcap, I thought.
No show tomorrow? he said. I thought you had a show tomorrow.
Ill be all right.
And I thought recovering from hangovers became harder as you get older.
I had removed the foil and now I was easing off the wire. So they say.
They must be getting really hard for you then, he said. Now youre forty.
I stopped and looked at him. He had this infuriating smirk on his face. But Im not forty,
am I? I said. Im only thirty-nine and three-quarters.
He got up from the table. Youre almost forty, he said and exhaled the endlessly
exasperated sigh that only a teenager can make. He went off to the kitchen and I put the champagne
unopened on the table. It was true. We were on air tomorrow. Opening a bottle at midnight was
probably not the best idea I ever had.
Pat came back with a pint glass of water and gave it to me.
Dehydration, I said, trying to worm my way back into his good books. My bodys
dehydrated.
And your brain, he said dryly, and he began collecting his books. I saw that he had been
waiting up for me. Then he thought of something. Someone called. He wanted you. An old man.
He didnt leave a message.
Thats strange, I said. We dont know any old people, do we?
Apart from you, you mean?
I chugged down some water and followed him as he went around turning off lights, and
checking locked doors. [Parsons, T. Men from Boys]
(b) Japans over, she said. The economy is worse than here.
Nowhere is worse than here, I said. Ah, Gina. You could have called.
Yes, I could have called. I could have phoned home and had to be polite to your second
wife.
Shes not my second wife, I said. Shes my wife.
My first wife wasnt listening.
Or I could have phoned your PA at work and asked her if you had a window for me next
week. I could have done all of that but I didnt, did I? And why should I? She leaned forward and
smiled. Because hes my child just as much as hes your child.
I stared at her, wondering if there ever came a point where that was simply no longer true.
 And I wondered if we had reached that point years ago.
Whats with the keep-fit routine? I said, changing the subject. She was in terrific shape.
Its not a routine. She flexed her arms self-consciously. I just want to look after myself as
I get older.
I smiled. I cant see you on the yoga mat.
She didnt smile back. I had a scare a couple of years back. A health scare. That was
something you missed.
Sorry.
Please dont apologise.
Jesus Christ why cant you just let me say Im sorry?
And why cant you just drop dead?
We stared at our drinks. [Parsons, T. Men from Boys]
(c) Dont take your coat off, Cyd said.
() I peered over her shoulder. The boiler was as silent as a corpse. In the panel at the
bottom, there was a digital display with three red letters.
What does err mean? I asked.
She didnt look at me. There was a pause. It means error, Harry, she said, making my name
sound like a euphemism for big fat stupid fucking idiot.
She switched off her torch and turned round, still not looking at me. She ran her hand
through her hair and sighed.
Ill get someone in the morning, I said. Dig out Yellow Pages. Go on Google. Get it
sorted. ()
I followed Cyd into the kitchen. I craved cheese on toast, but I knew this probably wasnt
the perfect moment to feed my face.
Cant we get someone now? she said. Im worried about the girls, she said. Theyve had
to go to bed with their socks on.
Ill try, I said, and she nodded, somewhat unimpressed.
I know its late, she said. But I dont care how much I have to pay.
Our eyes met for just a second before she looked away. I felt a shiver of resentment. Or
perhaps it was just the cold. ()
But I had seen the look in Cyds eyes and it stabbed me with shame. It said, Could you
please remind me one more time? Whats the point of you, Harry? What exactly are you for? .
[Parsons, T. Men from boys]

4. Read the following dialogue and get ready to identify the following
components of the interaction:
the situation discussed by the characters;
psychological roles performed by the characters (think whether there is a role-
switching);
strategies and means chosen by the characters in order to achieve their goals
(pay attention both to verbal, non-verbal means as well as a general strategies of the
interaction as designed by the speakers).
Think whether there is manipulation on the part of any of the characters and
point out linguistic means that help you to identify it.
Claire, he said again, a bit more urgently, is something wrong?
Yes, James, I said sweetly. Something is wrong.
What is it? he asked watching me warily.
I had a very interesting conversation with George today, I said idly.
Did you? asked James, trying to appear unflustered. But a spasm of something fear
maybe? or could it be annoyance? passed over his face.
Hmmm, I said inspecting my fingernails, Yes, I did actually.
 There was a pause. James stood watching me, the way a mouse watches a cat.
Yes, I continued in a very casual tone, and he gave me a very different version of events
concerning you and me.
Oh, said James and swallowed heavily.
Apparently youve always loved me, I said. And apparently the only problem youve had
with me was that you were afraid that Id leave you.
James was silent and sullen.
Is that right, James? I asked sharply.
You wouldnt want to take any notice of George, he said, recovering his aplomb
somewhat.
I know that, James, I replied smoothly, so thats why I rang Judy. And, guess what, she
told me exactly the same thing.
More silence.
James, I sighed. Its about time you started to tell me whats going on.
I have, he muttered.
No, you havent, I corrected him loudly. You had an affair with another woman, you left
me the day I gave birth to your child, then you decided that you wanted me back. But, instead of
telling me that, you had to manufacture a whole pack of lies, and malign me and call me selfish and
childish and inconsiderate and stupid. (Voice going up several decibels here.) And instead of
apologizing for the lousy way you treated me, you made out that it was all my fault. (Voice
continuing to rise.) And you decided that youd browbeat me into being something other than what
I am. Some meek little woman who wouldnt answer you back. And wouldnt overshadow you.
And wouldnt make you feel insecure!
It wasnt like that, he protested feebly.
It was exactly like that, I shouted. I just cant believe that I was fool enough to believe
your ridiculous story!
Claire, youve got to listen to me, he said, sounding bad-tempered and irritated.
Oh, no, I do not, I corrected him angrily. Why do I have to listen to you? Are you going to
try and tell me a whole lot more lies? Well, are you? I shouted when he didnt answer.
I sat and looked at him, willing him to speak, willing him to make everything all right.
Convince me, I begged silently. I want to be wrong. Tell me Im wrong. Please explain it
to me. Ill even settle for an apology. Just an apology will do.
He slowly sat down on the couch with his face in his hands. And, even though I was
expecting some kind of reaction, it still gave me a little jump to realize that he was crying.
then he looked up at me and I couldnt believe the expression on his face. He looked so
angry! Thats just typical of you, he shouted.
What? I asked faintly.
Youre so bloody selfish, he yelled, all traces of the tearful man magically vanished.
Why? I asked baffled.
Everything was fine! he shouted, Everything was all sorted out and we were going to start
again and you were going to try and be mature and a bit more considerate. But you just couldnt let
it lie, could you?
But what was I supposed to do? I asked meekly. George tells me one thing and you tell
me something completely different. Georges story is a lot more believable than yours. Especially
when Judy confirmed it. (..)
Well, of course youd believe George and Judy, he said nastily. Of course you want to
believe nice things about yourself. You just couldnt take the truth from me, could you?
James, I said, struggling to stay calm, I just want to get to the bottom of things. I just want
to know why you told George that you really loved me and that you were afraid that youd lose me,
and why you told me that you could barely tolerate me. It just doesnt add up!
I told you the truth, he said sulkily.
So what was it you told George? I asked.
George got it wrong, he said shortly.
And did Judy get it wrong also? I asked coldly.
 I suppose, he said offhandedly.
And Aisling and Brian and Matthew got it wrong too?
They must have, he said carelessly.
Look, James, I said earnestly, be reasonable. They cant all be wrong, can they?
They can, he said abruptly, they are.
James, please, youre a logical man, I said, starting to feel desperate. Cant you see that
someone isnt telling the truth? And didnt you think that sooner or later the different stories would
get back to me? Dont you know that my friends and I discuss everything?
He said nothing. He sat on the couch with his arms folded and looked at me defiantly.
Right! Id try again. No matter what happened I would stay calm. I would try not to kill him.
I would try not to be angry. I would try not to hurt him, the way that I wanted to. I would swallow
my pride one more time. I would make it clear that I would forgive him for the affair.
Especially when, at the same time, I was trying to stand my ground and not be completely
bullied by him.
I was trying to bear in mind that there was a fine line between being understanding and
being a doormat, between standing up for oneself and being a crazed axe-woman.
James, I said, miraculously managing to sound calm, we really have to try and sort this
out. If I ask you questions, will you just answer me yes or no?
What kind of questions? he asked, suspiciously.
Well, like did you lie to me when you told me that it was my fault that you left me?
You mean that you want to sit here and interrogate me? he said, outraged. You must be
joking! Who the hell do you think you are? Youre trying to make me out to be some kind of
criminal!
James, I said. I was on the verge of tears of frustration, Im not! Really, Im not. Im just
trying to get you to talk to me, to tell me what you really feel, whats really going on. I want you to
be honest with me. Otherwise we wont have a future.
I see, he said nastily, so you want me to say something like, Youre a wonderful person
Claire and I dont know why I had an affair because youre so great. Is that what you want to
hear?
Yes, I thought.
No I said wearily, Its just
You want me to take all the blame, is that it? he said, raising his voice. You want me to be
the bad guy, the man you and all your friends love to hate, is that it? After all Ive done for you?
Is that what you want?! he ended on a shout, his face close to mine.
But you are the bad guy, I said, bewildered. You were the one who had the affair, not me.
Oh Jesus! he shouted, really shouted, this time. Youll never stop harping on about that,
will you? Trying to make me feel guilty about it. Well, I dont feel guilty, right? Ive been so good
to you always. Everyone knows that I am not the bad person here. You are! [Keyes, Marian.
Watermelon]