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Summer 1998 - Issue 6
Yogassage and Tribal Tantra
in New Mexico
Grant and Sequoia will be co-creating two innovations
at the Light Touch retreat at Jemez Springs, September
19-24 this year. Sequoia will be introducing this years
participants to a new idea he is calling Yogassage,
which combines simple yoga stretches with sensuous oil
massage. This is a wonderful way to enjoy yoga more,
Sequoia explains. It deepens the learning of the poses
because its easier to stay in the stretch longer, and the
massage strokes teach the muscles how to release. It
makes yoga much more fun! Sequoia has recently be-
gun teaching Yogassage in Vancouver to rave reviews.
Grant is enthusiastic about introducing Tribal Tantra to
the group, which will build upon and expand the kind of
spiritually-focussed, nurturing touch the retreats are fa-
mous for.
He writes,
I led a tribal tantra evening ritual at the recent
Billy Club Gathering, which was very powerful:
Thirty-six guys being erotic together in such a
sweet way! From the reactions I got, this is im-
portant work. Im really excited to try it with our
Light Touch brothers and think we will bring so
1 Summer 1998
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much to it.
It occurred to me that tantra, as presented in the
articles Ive read, emphasizes its sexual component.
As this has evolved for me, it is simply a step up
(Continued on page 3)
(second draft - your suggestions are welcome)
MEN is dedicated to promoting mens healing (becoming whole)
in body/heart/soul by supporting men in openly caring for ourselves
and one another.
In this culture, men too often relate out of fear or lust. Many men are conditioned
to fear one another as competitors or authority figures. Some just use people they
are attracted to as sex objects. There is little cultural support for men to really
care for each other.
All men can benefit from the love and support of other men. Touch is the lan-
guage of the heart . . . the way we most directly feel connection and caring. Ho-
mophobia, and fear of intimacy with other men, wounds men of every
sexual orientation. Sex is not essential for loving, nurturing contact.
MEN encourages men to explore and experience what it means
to share real intimacy with other men. We welcome men of all sexual
preferences who wish to move beyond the fears that deprive us of our brothers
love. Dialogue through this Quarterly. Meet in our various events. Become in-
volved in this expanding community of caring men.
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Calendar of Events
International
Light Touch Retreats: please see full-page insert
Local Events
Dallas - contact Jerry @ 214-522-8567
Phoenix - Wildfire @ 602-253-3018
San Francisco - [Bay Area] - Grant @ 510-530-4187
Seattle - Stephen @ 206-328-4397
Vancouver -
Weekly Yoga and Healing Touch Classes for men:
Vancouver, Coal Harbour; Mondays, 6:00 to 7:30
PM. Contact Sequoia @ 983-4802.
Santa Fe -
Sequoia has been invited to be a guest co-facilitator
of a Men's Yoga and Massage Weekend, Sept. 25-
27 at Michael Hopp's Community Yoga Center.
The event is open to gay/bi/straight men. Further
info: Don @ 505-954-4058.
California -
3rd Annual Contemplative Retreat for People Liv-
ing with HIV/AIDS, September 5-7, 1998, Green
Gulch Farm Zen Center, Muir Beach, CA.
Contact Pitaka: (408) 345-1987.
List your mens event here for a mere $10 (for
about 25 words). Were also happy to do ex-
changes of listings with other mens publications.

Copyright 1998
MEN Growing Healthier
120-1587 W. 4th Avenue
Vancouver, BC,
Canada V6J 1M4
Quarterly

Sequoia Thom Lundy Confabulator

Robert Hunter Reg-
istrar/Host
Spirit Drum
with Lyle Povah
Vancouver, BC
Permission To Copy: Traditional West African, Caribbean,
You may copy this publication and
(in its entirety only) for FREE distribution. South American rhythms and songs.
Any other use is protected by copyright. Workshops and weekly classes for beginner, intermediate and
advanced players. b Explore the potential of the drum to bring
Printed in Canada on recycled paper. about positive internal change. b No previous musical experience
required. b Some drums and all percussion instruments provided.

Call Lyle for more info: (604)

2 Summer 1998
Yogassage and Tribal Tantra
(Continued from page 1)
from the nurturing Light Touch sessions, but still
very much on that wavelength: very far from
(western) sexual activity.
Tantra originated in India and has been pursued
for over 2,000 years. Embracing the mystery of our
existence, practitioners of tantra developed rituals
to experience the unity of body, mind and soul
through yoga, meditation, art, and erotic contact.
The path to enlightenment was through accepting
all that is, including sexual energy, free from judg-
ment and shame. Erotic practices became acts of
worship. We will use tantra as a model for creating
a group ritual which is sex-positive, body-affirming,
and heart-centered. We will be naked together; we
will touch our own and each others bodies to raise
and honor our erotic connection. This group will
not offer what we in the west consider sexual re-
lease, since tantra encourages the containment of
erotic energy as a vehicle for spiritual insight. Our
goal will be to raise our erotic enjoyment to its
highest power and then use it as a spiritual rocket
fuel!
The BIG idea is to explore the concept of making
erotic energy sacred. The evening will involve
guided, intentional, erotic touch with a variety of
The BIG idea is to explore the concept of mak-
ing erotic energy sacred, with emphasis on
heart space, breaking through judgment barriers
which often prevent us from touching and being
touched by other men.
partners, accompanied by music. Although erotic
energy will be explicitly encouraged, the emphasis
will be on heart space: breaking through judgment
barriers which often prevent us from touching and
being touched by a variety of men. The distinction
between erotic connection and sexual activity/
patterns will be made clear. By ritualizing the proc-
ess, including conscious breathing and chanting,
we will enter into what is for most of us uncharted
territory: permission to express erotic energy in a
group setting which isn't sexual. (Here we are go-
ing against conditioning and taboos.)
The exciting prospect for me is that our Light
Touch experience puts us squarely into ritual space,
so it would seem to be a natural progression. I have
recorded a variety of tantric chants by Tibetan
3 Summer 1998
monks and combined them with other appro-
priate music to help set the mood.
I will facilitate a series of partner exchanges,
focusing on raising erotic energy and moving
it through the chakras.
The evenings experiences can create
bonding between men on a profound level,
along with a feeling of deep exhilaration.
Men will have the option of touching only
their own genitals, with their partners assist-
ing in focusing their energy shifts to other
chakras, or touching and being touched by
their partners freely. (Of course everyone
also has the option of not participating at all,
as some men do even with our regular mas-
sage sessions).
The session ends with a meditation to ground
the energy, and a circle to process the feel-
ings which surfaced during the ritual.
In my experience, sharing erotic energy with
our brothers in this way, within the context of
ritual space, creates bonding on a profound
level, with the men feeling exhilarated.
One fellow who follows the tantric path was
initially put off that I would call our circle
tantra. He felt it was insulting, since the
discipline is so extensive and (for him) re-
quires years of preparation, and also that it
should be an intimate exercise between two
people, or alone. Later, he cried in heart cir-
cle at his outrage, and then wonder, as man
after man stood up to express deep apprecia-
tion for what we had created. He ended by
saying that perhaps he hadn't been open to
miracles.
The thought of doing this at a Zen center,
with our preparatory sessions of yoga, tai
chi, chanting and meditation, plus simple
vegetarian meals prepared by Buddhist prac-
titioners has me very excited. The context for
magnifying our intention is very powerful.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q. Just how "intimate" (i.e. sexual) do things get?
A. One of our main intentions is to make the distinction be-
tween intimacy and sexuality more clear. It is a source of con-
fusion for many men, gay, straight, and everywhere along
that continuum. First, we promote intimacy with ourselves
through conscious breathing, stretching/moving, meditation,
and journaling: all of which are ways to turn within and get
to know ourselves better. Then we offer opportunities to
speak from the heart, revealing our more vulnerable selves.
And finally we offer guided touch rituals, which are primarily
nurturing in quality. Some of these also focus on feeling the
connection between the erotic and the sacred, between the
genitals/heart/spirit. However, our intention is never sexual
in the sense of stimulation toward ejaculation. Participants
consistently report this to be a profoundly healing experience:
caring touch from other men that honours all of who we are.
LINGUA FRANCA COMMUNICATIONS
Web page design, Internet connections,
computer hardware and software
Get Connected!
Call Dale@602.0139,
visit our site-www.linguafranca.bc.ca,
Q. Where does all the money go?
A. The retreat fees pay for meals, lodging, advertising
(including design, printing and postage for MITQ not cov-
ered by ads and subscriptions), phone calls, supplies, tuition
for our Registrar/Host and our MITQ/Web Designer, and
transportation. Whatever is left over is apportioned among
the facilitators.
For our most recent retreat, Easter on Bowen, the income and
expenses were as follows (amounts are in Canadian Dollars;
multiply by 0.67 to get an approximate U.S. Dollar equiva-
lent):
Income .................................$8758
Expenses
Bowen Lodge........ $7299
MITQ ....................... 677
Phones...................... 153
Supplies.................... 237
Postage, ferry..............27
Total Expenses ................8393
Net Profit
(to Kenyth and Sequoia) ........ 365
We are endeavoring to keep our costs down so we can keep
our fees affordable for as many man as possible. Our heart-
felt thanks to men who are able to pay higher on the sliding
scale and/or make donations to the Doug Fraser Memorial
Robert Hunter
C.M.T. (California)

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(Text or your own photo-ready display) (604) 874-2632

4 Summer 1998
What's in a label? Oppression!
(an editorial)
Once upon a time, and a very good time it was, people loved
each other freely, regardless of their gender: men and
women, women and women, men and men. They often used
affectionate touch to express their caring. Those who felt es-
pecially close would share sexual energy as an expression of
the heart. It was understood that the genitals are an outer
manifestation of the inner heart energy, so sexual arousal was
a joyous sign of deep caring and connection.
Then some religious leaders realized they could gain enor-
mous power over people by convincing them their sexual ex-
pression was shameful and sinful (unless it was used to make
babies). By cutting people off from their natural, heartfelt,
erotic impulses, and requiring them to come for forgiveness
of their sins, they gained incredible control of people's
minds and bodies (and wallets!). So only man-woman erotic
contact was deemed acceptable. Same-gender eroticism and
even simple, physical affection became highly controversial,
secretive, and were labeled sick, perverted, queer.
In the 19th century, a German physician coined the very
clinical term homosexual for those men and women who
still, in spite of the enormous social stigma, express same-
gender love erotically. As this terminology gained popularity
in the medical profession, people felt forced to adopt a
sexual orientation label either
the normal heterosexual or the
abnormal homosexual. Note that the
emphasis here is on sexual expres-
sion; yet the effect was to make even
overt affection highly suspect. So men
in particular have been forced by this
religious/medical labeling to become
much less intimate and affectionate
with each other, shutting down our
natural loving impulses.
People had to fit into one of two boxes: normal or
perverted. Those who still wished to express same-gender
affection or eroticism were forced into a shadowy, under-
ground world, which reinforced the feeling of being shameful
and dirty. Thus, furtive sexual encounters too often replaced
open-hearted man-to-man affection and erotic loving.
In the last thirty years, enormous progress has been made to-
ward bringing same-gender love and eroticism out of the
shadows of shame. Gay liberation has been very successful in
asserting that we are as good as they are. But there still is
one large problem: most of us still accept unquestioningly
that there is an us and a them. Most people still feel
forced to make a choice of lifestyles gay or straight. (A
few brave renegades adopt the label bi, and thus risk being
outcast from either community.) Many men who choose the
label gay or queer have felt a need to migrate to large
urban areas for mutual social support, and for protection from
violence and discrimination. These ghettos have been very
useful in helping us find each other and find our common
voice and strength. Yet now, in the late 90s, as many non-gay
men are exploring and questioning and opening up, the
ghetto
mentality is getting in the way of our connecting on a heart
level with the very men we thought we should fear.
I believe our fundamental assumption about affection and
eroticism needs to change, to reclaim the innocence of Once
upon a time . . . I believe its really all us. Deep down in-
side we are all vulnerable creatures yearning to love and be
loved, to be accepted, to be touched and pleasured, to know
one another deeply, including erotically, regardless of gender.
Those of us who knew at an early age that we loved men have
been deeply wounded by the social stigma, and still carry
those wounds. Being bullied and beaten-up and called sissy
and faggot when I was a boy still makes me feel guarded
when I am in a group of men I assume to be straight. At my
inner-boy level, I fear for my safety. It's hard to let down my
guard, to open up and let them know who I really am. This
is my own heterophobia.
So I can understand, when I learn that some of you who have
been coming to Light Touch retreats for years may be feeling
uneasy that the invitation to retreats is now going out to men
of diverse sexual orientations - to them.
Happily, as an adult, I have had many experiences with non-
gay men who are openly affectionate, loving, and even some-
times erotic. I now know there are many men who, while pri-
marily sexual with women, are open to, and even yearn for,
close loving contact with men as well. Way back in 1973, at
the tender age of 29, as I was just beginning to come out as
gay, I heard about a men's group forming at the Berkeley
Men's Center, near where I lived. I knew I needed to pro-
claim my true, queer self in a mixed group of men. It turned
out I was the only gay man among the ten of us. We met
weekly for nearly three years, and I felt totally accepted, re-
spected, and loved by those men, which gave me a huge boost
in self-esteem. When they learned that I was getting very in-
volved with massage, they asked me to teach them about
touch. One Saturday, we all got naked together, and for an
entire day I led them in full-body oil massage. They loved it,
and so did I. Twenty-five years later, I am still very close
with one of those men, who feels like a brother; I am an
uncle with his two teen-age kids. In addition, I have other
straight men friends who freely share hugs, kisses (even out
in public!), and sometimes erotic massage.
I know there are many men out there who do not fit the
heterophobic stereotype of the uptight bigot/bully: men who
yearn to explore more loving ways to be with other men. It is
these men who will respond to our invitation. Of course, they
may be shy or guarded at first. But think of the healing
(individual, social, and political) that is possible as we wel-
come more men into our loving brotherhood!
I realize not all men who come to retreats are interested in
expressing their brotherly love erotically. Yet others of us
yearn for more holistic ways to express our sexuality with
each other, and do not wish to be held back by less erotically
open participants. So in the future I intend to offer different
retreats with more or less erotic content, which will be clearly
described in the promotional material, so men can have a
clear choice. I hope in this way that the retreats can
5 Summer 1998
Light Touch Down Under King Islands, from which they say good-bye to New Zea-
by Stephen Silha land, and then move on to the land of ancestors. Racists
warned us about fierce and drunken Maoris, but we en-
The loving fingers of Light Touch reach beyond the obvious countered only big-hearted generosity. We slid down
meridians. I just returned from a trip that began, in a way, on sand dunes and ate raw tua-tuas (a kind of clam). The
Orcas Island in November of 1995. At that Light Touch re- directness and life-gusto of the Maori culture continues
treat, I was amazed at how beautifully, how differently, I con- to captivate.
nected with each man there. Those connections surprisingly
West Coast: Glaciers, mountains, beaches, lakes, blow-
opened heart doors to some parts of myself I didn't know were
holes, waterfalls, jade boulders! This is Mother Earth's
there (something about mirroring a larger truth).
nipplegorgeous to rub, to explore, to drink in. And
Several months later, I got a call from Douglas Moore, one of crawling all over, friendly and inquisitive people. Fresh,
the men with whom I'd shared the intimacy of dining, tubbing, flavorful foodWhitebait, oysters, lamb, spring peas
stretching, and touching. He asked if I wanted to join him a and asparagusfrequently stacked high on the plate (to
year hence in a trip down under, to visit New Zealand and echo the rugged, saucy landscapes?).
Australia. I've traveled widely but not there. I was eager to
It was the sort of vacation one dreams about. As a thank
learn more. Douglas explained that he had enough frequent
you, I gave Douglas a long massage. Now the trip lives
flyer points for two people to fly
with me partly as dream, and partly as deep connection
down under, but they expired at
with green land and open people. I may say mate, or
the end of 1997, and would I be
Good on you! I may tell Maori legends. I'm changed
interested in joining him.
in ways that I'm still discovering as I meditate on jade
What seemed too good to be boulders and soft arms.
true, felt true. We checked each
other out, questioning motives Stephen Silha is a freelance writer and communications
and desires. We spent some eve- consultant from Vashon Island, Washington. He has
nings dining together and at- been correspondent for The Christian Science Monitor
tending Seattle Men's Chorus and The Minneapolis Star. Since high school, he has
concerts, and it seemed clear given and received massage as an antidote to writer's
that we could travel well to- block.
gether, without expectations of
15810 Shanahan Road S. W.
romance. (No small feat, since
even close friends can have difficulty with travel!) We agreed
that we would also spend time apart on our trip.
The long journey began last fall with Sequoia picking me up at
the Vancouver airport. At his home, we exchanged massage
and stories for a couple hours. I realized how importantand
Let it all go!
difficultis the work of creating spaces where men can let love Energetic bodywork in a safe, suppor-
flow through them. Massage is an important step in that crea-
tion. I realized how much my Light Touch experiences over the
tive, and professional environment us-
years moved me away from long-held body denial and hatred. ing essential oil (aroma-therapy) and a
In learning to love my body, I could accept others' love. There variety of massage techniques to pro-
was mutual joy and gratitude in honoring, and being honored mote a healthy well-being.
by, Sequoia.
Douglas flew down from his island home in northern British
Columbia, and we were off. What follows are excerpts from my
"Light Touch" journal: Call Braden at
Never spend time with people who don't respect you.
Maori proverb (604) 926-
926-0068
Doubtless Bay / Cape Rienga: Here the Pacific Ocean and the
Tasman Sea come together, weaving waves of mystery. A
friend, a massage therapist, told me his life changed when he
or
met a man up here years ago who introduced him to massage.
Maoris believe their souls go, when their bodies die, to a par- (604) 813-
813-5936
ticular tree here: into the branches, down through trunk and
roots to a cave. At high tide, they're swept out to the Three

6 Summer 1998