Friday, 4 December 2009 - N 466 Paraguays First and

Only English Magazine

Guaran News
 CONTENTS COVER
TOMORROW Friday, Guaran Paraguays First and
Saturday, 5 December BCCs Christmas Dinner 4 December 2009 Only English Magazine
From the Editor 2 N 466 News
From the Publisher 2 From the Editor

3
I would love to know how this happened.
People in the News Coming Events
Church Notices 4 From the Publisher
Taking a break
The Humour Corner What with the thermometer going berserk (42C and it aint even
By Eduardo Teddy Abello 5 summer yet), rain pelting down when you least expect it and what is
worse, leastwise for old fogies like this scribe, the barometer went
Chiles Ambassador receives standing ovation at and dropped below the 1000 mbar. mark (something that is very rare
Strangers Club Luncheon 7 in these parts and which causes me to feel like a discarded wet rag).
And you want me to write a column. Not likely. Here are a couple of
MAIL BAG 8 stories to make up the space.
Guaran News Cover 9/10
Concerned Blonde
GUARANI News As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out
Founded in Asuncin 21 October 1982 of her car, runs up to his truck and knocks on the door. The trucker
Depsito Legal Ley N 9.289 lowers the window, and she says: Hi, my name is Heather and you
Publisher/Editor: Norman M. Langer are losing some of your load.
c/o The Conqueror Group
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck
OLeary 610 c/Gral. Diaz
Asuncin - Paraguay stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out
Our Cellular for International calls: +(595-991) 724-217 of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.
For local calls in Paraguay 0991-724-217 Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if theyve never spoken,
E-Mail: stranger@highway.com.py the blonde says brightly: Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing
ALTERNATIVE: guaraninews@click.com.py some of your load!
All rights reserved. No part of GUARANI NEWS may be reproduced without permission from the Publisher. Opinions Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down
expressed by named authors do not necessarily coincide with those of the Editor.
The Editor will review any submission; however no responsibility is assumed for materials submitted. If you wish to be
the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out
removed from our listing, send E-mail to stranger@highway.com.py with the title REMOVE and accept our apologies of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, and knocks on the
2 GUARANI News - Friday, 4 December 2009
truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says: Hi, my 1. Lawyers reproduce faster.
name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load! 2. The scientists dont get attached to the lawyers.
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next 3. A lawyer will do things a rat wouldnt even consider.
light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and
runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers Here is wishing one and all a most enjoyable weekend
it, he says Hi, my name is Kevin, its winter and Im driving the PEOPLE in the NEWS COMING EVENTS
SALT TRUCK! BIRTHDAYS
DECEMBER
Lawyers Are Replacing Rats O3 GARCIA REY, Angel
Have you heard theyre using lawyers instead of rats in laboratories 06 BERKEMEYER de ROBLES, Ins
these days? There are three reasons for this: 06 RAMIREZ, Dr. Lauro

P.O.B. 13061 - Py-1749 - Asuncin - Py

Hotel Westfalenhaus Tel. (00595 -21) 292-374 - Fax (00595 - 21) 291-241
Sgto. 1 M. Bentez 1577 - Asuncin E-Mail: Hotel@Westfalenhaus.com
3 GUARANI News - Friday, 4 December 2009 Web: www.westfalenhaus.com www.paraguay-travel.de
httpt://www.paraguay-restaurant.de
13 SOUTH, Joe Montenegro.
14 GOLDING MACHADO, Richard Members Gs. 60,000. Non-Members Gs. 90,000. (Soft drinks and
18 MARTIN, Antonio wines during the meal are included).
27 SISUL, Dr. Juan Carlos Cocktail time will run from 12.15pm to 1pm when a delicious gour-
27 FITZGIBBON, Maria mets three-course meal will be punctually served.
We are limited insofar as seating accommodation, so you are requested
BCCs CHRISTMAS DINNER to confirm by E-mail (preferably) stranger@highway.com.py or by
calling Mr Langer, Cellular: 0991-724.217. Confirmed attendees, not
th
TOMORROW - SATURDAY, 5 December mentioned above, include: HE Emanuel Jenni, Ambassador of Swit-
BCCs (British Community Council) CHRISTMAS DINNER zerland; Ivan Ivanissevich, Minister Argentine Embassy; John
The BCCs Christmas dinner is to be held on Saturday, December 5th Helmfelt, Telecomunications Consultant; Divina Ayala; Janine
at the Anglo premises on Juan de Salazar 391 c/San Jose at 8.30pm. Patterson; Hans-Atle Bothun; Alexander Neuendorff, Past Presi-
Dinner including all soft drinks and live music Gs. 50.000 till Thurs- dent; Guillermo Alonso, FIFA Representative; Berndt and Ammi
day 3rd. Call: John Helmfelt 0991-330.132 Peter Logan 0971- Jackloo; Guido Langer; Uwe Becker; Georg Siebert; Herbert and
215.273 Lorna Tervit (CAP) 225.525. Inge Weise.
Tickets bought day before or at the door cost Gs. 60.000 CHURCH NOTICES
There will be very good door prizes and a bar service with the tradi- ST. ANDREWS ANGLICAN CHURCH - Avda. Espaa 1357 (near
tionally low BCC prices. corner of General Santos).
For further information, contact the Diocesan Office Tel. 200-933.
LUNCHEONS
The Strangers Club Asuncion are pleased to announce that their lunch-
eon N 375 will be held on TUESDAY, 15th December 2009 at The
Conqueror Group Bldg. It is located at OLeary 610 at corner of Intend visiting Asuncin?
Gral. Diaz. There is ample parking in the building next door on Youll find all the comforts by staying at the
OLeary Heliport Bldg - or 100 metres up the road at Asuncin Cen-
tre.
CHACO HOTEL
The event will be presided by the Clubs Honorary Chairman HE Caballero corner Mcal. Estigarribia
Dido Florentin Bogado, whilst the Club Founder, Norman M. Tel. (595-021) 443.527 - 492.066
Langer will be acting as Master of Ceremonies. E-Mail: info@hotelchaco.com.py
The Guest Speaker on this occasion will be Mrs MARGARITA du
GUERNIER wholl be talking on her experiences whilst living in
4 GUARANI News - Friday, 4 December 2009
CATHOLIC MASS in ENGLISH him with a new Lexus every year and his wife with a new Toyota to
Held at the Missionary Oblates of Mary Immaculate (Misioneros take their children!
Oblatos de Maria Inmaculada). The congregation sighs in appreciation, and applauds.
The address is Quesada between Molas and MacArthur. Mass starts Sam Goldstein, a successful entrepreneur and investor, stands & says:
at 11:00 am on Sundays. If the Rabbi will stay on here, Ill personally double his salary, &
To check English Mass timetable call: 371-056 or 390-907. also establish a foundation to guarantee the college education of all
The priest is Father Ranulfo Veron, C.S.S.R his children!!
More sighs & loud applause.
The Humour Corner Sadie Goldfarb, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, If the
By Eduardo Teddy Abello Rabbi stays, I will give him sex!
Secret Drawer There is total silence.
A young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can The Rabbi, blushing, asks her: Mrs. Goldfarb, whatever possessed
have a dresser drawer of his own that she will never open. The bride you to say that?
agrees. After 30 years of marriage, she notices that his drawer has
been left open. She peeks inside and sees three golf balls and $1,000.
She confronts her husband and asks for an explanation. He explains:
Every time I was unfaithful to you, I put a golf ball in the drawer. Dr. Nuria Lezcano de Beekhof
She figures three times in 30 years isnt bad and asks: But what
about the $1,000?
Dentist
Dental Prosthesis - Implants - Gum infections
Oh, that... he replied: Whenever I got a dozen golf balls, I sold
them. Oral rehabilitation

More religious humourthis time its not children, but their grand- OHiggins corner Del Maestro
parents! Edif. Galenos - 3rd Floor (Villa Morra)
This is a story about a popular young Rabbi who, on Sabbath Eve,
announces to his congregation that he will not renew his contract. Call for appointment: 611.798 or 614.985
He explains that he must move on to a larger congregation that will Direct: 614.920
pay him more. E-Mail: wijbeek@tigo.com.py
There is a hush. No one wants him to leave.
Sol Epstein, who owns a couple of Toyota & Lexus dealerships in
the city stands up and proclaims: If the Rabbi stays, I will provide
5 GUARANI News - Friday, 4 December 2009
Sadies 90 year old husband Jacob is now trying to hide, holding hisShe wakes up from her operation and finds three roses carefully placed
forehead with the palm of his hand & shaking his head from side to beside her bed. Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor and
side while his wife replies: Well, I just asked my husband how we says: I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!
could help, and he said, F the Rabbi! Dont worry, he says: I didnt tell anybody. The first rose is from
me. I felt bad because you went through this all by yourself. The
Three Roses second one is from the nurse. She assisted me with the operation, and
A woman goes to her doctor and says she wants an operation because she had the operation done herself.
her outer labia are much too large. She asks the doctor to keep the Who is the third rose from? she asks.
operation a secret as shes embarrassed and doesnt want anyone to Oh, says the doctor: that rose is from the guy upstairs in the burn
find out. The doctor agrees. unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears!

6 GUARANI News - Friday, 4 December 2009

 Chiles Ambassador receives standing ovation
at Strangers Club Luncheon

The Strangers Club Asuncion held their luncheon N 374 on Fri-

day, 27th November 2009 at The Conqueror Group Bldg. which
was attended by 33 persons and chaired by FIFA Representative
Guillermo Alonso whilst the Club Founder, Norman M. Langer
acted as Master of Ceremonies.
Following Grace Mr Langer welcomed those present and introduced
first timer Miss Sofia Meire and then announced that on Tuesday,

(Photo N.M. Langer)

15th December the Club would be holding their 375th Luncheon in
which the Guest Speaker would be Mrs Margarita du Guernier who
has kindly acceded in presenting a series of anecdotes and experi-
ences she has had since taking up residence in Montenegro.
With the serving of dessert and coffee Mr Langer introduced the
Guest Speaker, HE Cristian
Maquieira, Ambassador of
Chile - photo right
Ambassador Maquieira (left) seen holding the trophy that was
After thanking Mr Langer
presented to him by The Conqueror Groups Chairman
for the invitation and ex-
Guillermo Alonso.
plaining that his subject
would not cover bilateral re- just prior to the Iraq War. It was a most vivid narrative that high-
lations between his country lighted many unknown facts regarding the position his country had
and Paraguay nor be a trav- as a Security Council Member during those tense and dramatic mo-
elogue sale on the wonders ments which culminated as the US declared war on Iraq, bypassing
of his country, Ambassador the UNs decision.
Maquieira gave a most fas- In finishing, two personal anecdotes that the Ambassador also ex-
cinating and in depth ac- perienced brought a loud and prolonged round of applause that was
count of his role as Chiles repeated when Mr Langer thanked him for presenting such a unique
Ambassador to the UN Se- true life event. Two more rounds of applause were heard as Mr Alonso,
curity Council meetings held on behalf of the Conqueror Group, presented the speaker with a re-
7 GUARANI News - Friday, 4 December 2009
membrance trophy and then as Mr Langer handed over an F. Molina
Campos painting from a 1934 Alpargatas Calendar.
Attendees, not mentioned above, included: HE Emanuel Jenni,
Ambassador of Switzerland; Monsignor Amoury Medina Blanco;
Public Accountant Juan Jos Bentez Rickmann, Chairman Para-
guayan Academy of Military History and Geography; Alexander
Neuendorff, Past Chairman; John Helmfelt, Honorary Treasurer;
Hans-Atle Bothun; Viggo and Elizabeth Friling; Architect
Guillermo Hellmers; Bengt Jackloo; Ammie Jackloo; Hctor Sosa
Gennaro, Honorary Secretary Paraguayan Academy of Military His-
tory and Geography; Judge Mara Antonia Gwynn; Oscar Birks,
Chairman InterExpress Travel; Guido Langer, Software consultant;
Uwe Becker; Herbert and Inge Weise; Margarita du Guernier;
Jos de Jess Bogarn, Chairman CAPECO; Eng. Erwin Vargas
Pea; Renaud Olgiati; Henry Bergern and his guest Guy de
Lombares; Rubn Falcn, former General Manager Central Bank;
Divina Ayala; Eng. Ludwig Basler; Tefilo Stegens and Nicole
Siebert.
Club Founder Norman M. Langer (Right) seen presenting the Guest
Speaker, HE Cristian Maquieira with a copy of an F. Molina Campos
MAIL BAG Alpargatas 1934 calendar painting. (Photo John Helmfelt)
Dear Norman:
One for your Blonde Joke Corner.
A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise money, she decided The blonde then pinned the note to the kids shirt and sent him home
to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. So she went to a play- to show his parents.
ground, grabbed a kid, and took him behind a tree. The next morning the blonde checked under the tree and surely
Ive kidnapped you! said the blonde and then proceeded to write a enough, a paper bag was sitting there. The blonde opened the bag
note saying, Ive kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put and found the $10,000 with a note that said, How could you do this
$10,000 in a paper bag and place it under to a fellow blonde?
the pecan tree next to the swings in the playground. Saludos,
Signed, A Blonde. Teddy
8 GUARANI News - Friday, 4 December 2009
 GUARANI NEWS PICTORIAL

(Photo N.M. Langer)

Taken during the Strangers Club 374th luncheon held on Fri- From L. to R.: Herbert Weise, Inge Weise; HE Emanuel Jenni,
day, 27th November at The Conqueror Group Bldg. Swiss Ambassador and Alexander Neuendorff.

Your Advertisement here Call:

for 1 YEAR (52 issues) : 200 Euros Norman M. Langer
0991-724-217
9 GUARANI News - Friday, 4 December 2009
 TOMORROW........Saturday, 5 December.....not to be missed

British Community Christmas Party, 2009

The BCC wishes you a very Merry Christmas and invites you
to the annual Christmas dinner to be held on Saturday the 5th.
of December at the ANGLO

Help
us celebrate
the
reason
for

the
Holiday
Season.

Please
join
us for

From L. to R.: Monsignor Amoury Medina Blanco;
Oscar Birks and Architect Guillermo Hellmers. Good Food, Good Wine,

but most of all, Good Friends

Join in the dancing!

Tickets: Gs. 50,000 including soft drinks.

Children
under
12:
Gs.
30,000

For ticket informationplease
contact:

David Baldock 0981-464.129
Lorna Tervit 0981-491.563
or Anglo 225.525

Peter Logan 0971-215.273
John Helmfelt 0991-330.132

Rubn Falcn (left) and Eng. Erwin Vargas Pea There will be door prizes, make sure you
(Photos N.M. Langer) collect
your
ticket
at
the
door.

10 GUARANI News - Friday, 4 December 2009