From Cromulent to Craptacular: The Top 12 Simpsons Created Words

With The Simpsons set to leave their mark on the world of cinema after almost two decades of
waiting, we at CRACKED thought it would be a good time to look at the impression Homer and
co. have left on the English language. The Simpsons' writers have loaded our linguistic
consciousness with hundreds of useful and often hilarious words and phrases. They might not get
a lot of recognition from major dictionaries, English professors, but that doesn't mean they're not
everywhere.
And so, with apologies to banjologist, debigulator, disembowelingest, embiggen, kwyjibo,
sacrilicious, Jeebus, Scotchtoberfest, shutterbuggery, tromboner and yoink (all honorable
mentions in their own right), we present the 12 most memorable words The Simpsons ever
created.

#12. to·mac·co (noun)

Simpsons Origins: Homer's plutonium-fueled crossbreed of
tomato and tobacco ("E-I-E-I-(Annoyed Grunt)", Nov. 9,
1999) just barely beats out our second favorite clever butchery
of tomato, coined when Homer's editor ("Guess Who's Coming
to Criticize Dinner?", Oct. 24, 1999) put a damper on the fat
man's stint as a food critic, complaining, "You keep using
words like pasghetti and momatoes."
Real World Applications: Tomacco would probably be known
only to Simpsons mavens if it hadn't been for Rob Bauer, who
created a real tomacco plant in 2003—ensuring that tomacco
would survive in the footnotes of botany, and that The
Simpsons now had a valid claim to the nerdiest and most
dedicated fan base in television history. (Eat it, Trekkers!)
While we have no intention of eating Bauer's version (the taste
of which can be described as "zesty poison with just a hint of
death") we sincerely hope that this trend of life-imitating-
Simpsons continues, at least until someone comes out with
Homer's fictional beer-candy hybrid, Skittle Bräu.
#11. crap·tac·u·lar (adj.)
Simpsons Origins: When Bart dissed Homer's Christmas
decorations as craptacular ("Miracle on Evergreen
Terrace," Dec. 21, 1997), the overused adjective crappy
gained a cooler, more expressive synonym.
Real World Applications: This episode was the greatest
thing to happen to crap enthusiasts since the word crap.
Adding -tacular on the end of one of our favorite words
opened doors we didn't even know were in the house, and
helped save the otherwise tame and boring crap from
early retirement from the lexicon. With Bart's help, a
word that was considered by most to be completely
overused was given a sparkling Renaissance and a
substantially extended life expectancy.
#10. ex·or·cism tongs (noun)
Simpsons Origins: In "Brother's Little Helper" (Oct. 3,
1999), Homer eats a mix of taffy and Focusyn (a Ritalin
spoof) that puts our beer-swilling hero in a mildly
hallucinogenic state that inspires this conversation among
the hyper-holy Flanders males:
Todd: Does Mr. Simpson have a demon, daddy?
Ned: Looks like it. Run and get daddy's exorcism tongs.
Rod and Todd: Yay!
We like to imagine Ned keeps this handy demon-
extracting utensil in the same drawer as the
excommunication juicer and beatification whisk.
Real World Application: We'd be lying if we said we
didn't go out to every Christian-themed general store in
the country hoping to acquire our very own set of
exorcism tongs the day this episode aired. We'd also be
lying if we said, on a somewhat related note, that we
weren't currently banned from every Christian-themed
general store in the country.
#9. poin·dex·trose (noun)
Simpsons Origins: "I have isolated the chemical
which is emitted by every geek, dork, and four-
eyes. I call it poindextrose." Lisa said it, and then
everything that everyone had come to know about
bully-nerd relations was turned upside-fucking-
down. To come to this conclusion, in the episode
"Bye Bye Nerdie," (March 11, 2001) Lisa had to
put some nimrods through a workout that
included the following conversation:
Lisa: Come on, people! Move it! I want to see
some sweat!
Martin: I'm not mastering another stair until you
explain the purpose of this monstrous
experiment.
Lisa: I believe the key to bully-nerd antagonism lies in your drippings.
Martin: Then I shall drip like a pot roast.
Lisa: Excellent. Now don't mind the squeegee.
Real World Applications: Not surprisingly, it's best used to describe the sweat of a Poindexter,
which is an especially useful term if you or anyone you know plays disc golf. Poindexter itself is
a TV word for a geek or nerd the came from the Felix the Cat character Poindexter, who was the
nephew of Felix's enemy, The Professor. To recap, Felix the Cat's arch nemesis was a teacher
and the writers' most lasting contribution was coining a hurtful nickname for nerds.
And if you thought this brief etymological aside was interesting, then we hate to tell you this, but
you're one of the very nerds for whom this little Simpsons nugget can be attributed. Sorry,
Poindexter.
#8. spank·o·log·i·cal (adj.)
Simpsons Origins: If you ever wondered why Ned
Flanders is such a repressed son of a diddly ding
dong, "Hurricane Neddy" (Dec. 29, 1996)
answered that nagging question for you: As a
tyke, Ned was even more of a Hell-spawn than
Bart, and he only learned to behave himself after
participating in The University of Minnesota
Spankological Protocol, which consisted of eight
months of 'round-the-clock, university-sanctioned
buttock-flaying attention, what some critics today
might call "abuse" or "child molestation."
Real World Applications: We think spanking
enthusiasts of both the parental and romantic
camps are missing out by not adopting this word. Adding the suffix -ologist to any profession or
-ological to any practice immediately confers legitimacy or, alternately, a hilarious level of self-
seriousness to any pursuit. Just ask the inebriologists at your local bar. Surely there's room for at
least one American Spankological Society in the world?
#7. ranch dress·ing hose (noun; slang)
Simpsons Origins: This full-body IV allows
condiment connoisseurs such as Homer to really be
themselves, at least in the privacy of their own
depraved fantasies. In "Skinner's Sense of Snow"
(Dec. 17, 2000) a fume-inhaling Homer has a lady-
filled hallucination that includes these words:
"Enough! I grow weary of your sexually suggestive
dancing. Bring me my ranch dressing hose."
Real World Applications: While in the past this was
strictly reserved for ironic use by fat college students
after one too many bong rips, given the increasing
popularity of the Homeric physique and diet on the American populace, this invention might not
be as far from reality as we'd like to think. Also, while the odds against it are astronomical, if
you're lucky enough to casually ask for a ranch dressing hose at a restaurant and find a waiter
quickly running off to fetch one for you, you are guaranteed to end up with something fantastic:
You'll either get a garden hose full of ranch dressing, or, due to an amazing phonic
misunderstanding, a group of (at least three) hos, all covered in ranch dressing. And when you
find out what that restaurant is, you email me immediately.
#6. cheese-eat·ing sur·ren·der mon·key (noun; slang)
Simpsons Origins: Groundskeeper Willie coined this expression in "Round Springfield" (April
30, 1995). However, the origins of the phrase can't be separated from its appropriation by
conservative writer Jonah Goldberg, who helped spread this slur for the French by using it in
many of his National Review columns. Alas, Jonah Goldberg isn't funny—at least not
intentionally—so we're giving this one to Willie and the Simpsons writers.
Real World Applications: For much of recorded history, we've had plenty of reasons to hate the
French but tragically few insults to hurl at them. Then The Simpsons rode up on a white, Duff-
fueled stallion and, as they so often do, made our lives substantially better, creating a wonderful
insult that continues to spawn countless useful and appropriate variations. Using cheese-eating
surrender monkey as a template, and getting creative, you've suddenly got wine-swilling
surrender monkeys, frog-chomping capitulation apes, or white flag-waving baguette baboons
(try it at home!).
For extra fun, change a few more words around and the same basic template can be applied to
other countries. Isn't that right, Canada? Or should we say Molson-Chugging Hockey Vaginas?

#5. com·mand·er cuck·oo ba·na·nas (proper noun)

Simpsons Origins: Even before Homer gave him this nickname in "The Father, The Son, and The
Holy Guest Star," (May 15, 2005), George W. Bush has been a nickname magnet. He's the
Nicknamer-in-Chief who came up with Turd Blossom (Karl Rove), Pootie-Poot (Vladimir
Putin), Landslide (Tony Blair), Congressman Kickass (John E. Sweeney) and the pairing of
Little Stretch and Super Stretch for two lanky White House beat reporters. He's also been the
Nicknamee-in-Vhief, and Commander Cuckoo-Bananas is one of many that have been a little
less flattering than Dubya or The Decider.
Real World Applications: Despite all of the hard work that no doubt went into crafting President
Bush's many, many nicknames over the past few years (Chimpy McBunnypants, Drinky
McCokeSpoon, Smirky McFlightsuit, President Short Bus, Drunk Texas Prairie Monkey,
Bushitler, Jesus W. Bush, Spurious George, Flubya, Fundraiser-in-Vhief or Darth Dubyous),
none can match Commander Cuckoo-Bananas in its delicate simplicity and intentional lack of
subtlety. Vintage Simpsons.
#4. crom·u·lent (adj.)
Simpsons Origins: In "Lisa the Iconoclast" (Feb. 18, 1996), two of the most well-known
Simpsons-centric words were introduced, when legendary Jebediah Springfield is quoted as
saying, "A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man," and another teacher reassures Mrs.
Krabappel that embiggen is a "perfectly cromulent word."
Real World Applications: Like cleave—which means both "to bring together" and "to
separate"—cromulent is its own opposite, meaning both respectable and not respectable at all. If
you have a hard time remembering this definition, think about cleavage; how two breasts are
separate, yet as one. In fact, go ahead and think about cleavage right now. As a matter of fact,
think about cleavage as a solution to any problem. Then, fail Calculus.
#3. ass·butt (noun; vulgar)
Simpsons Origins: In "Lisa's Date with Density" (Nov. 5, 2000), Nelson and Lisa share a crush,
which puts a chink in the little thug's bully cred. He's confronted by his peers:
Dolph: You're broadcasting geek rays all over the entire valley.
Nelson: 'Fraid not! I'm still wicked bad.
Jimbo: Oh, yeah? Then prove it, assbutt.
Real World Applications: We know how it is—you're writing out Christmas cards and you need
something special that brilliantly sums up how you feel about all of your friends and relatives.
And let's face it: Asshole, asshat, buttmunch and butt burglar just don't carry the same shock
value that they used to. The wordsmiths over at Simpsons headquarters step in, and now you
have 200 "Dear Assbutt" cards, ready for delivery. Be sure to thank Groening and company for
saving Christmas, once again.

#2. meh (interjection)

Simpsons Origins: The first Simpsons use was in "Lisa's Wedding" (March 19, 1995):
Bart: Oh, these Renaissance fairs are so boring.
Marge: Oh, really? Did you see the loom? I took loom in high school.'
(Marge then weaves the message "Hi Bart, I am weaving on a loom")
Bart: Meh.
Real World Applications: If you're on the Internet much, (as you undoubtedly are, right this
goddamn second), the success of meh isn't a newsflash. It's such a perfect expression of
adolescent blahness that most people who use it don't even realize that it originated with our
favorite yellow family. That's how effective and appropriate meh is; we assume it is our body's
natural reaction to being unimpressed. You eat when you're hungry, you pee when you need to
pee and you say meh when you're bored. And The Simpsons made that happen. Impressive,
right?

#1. learn·ing juice (noun; slang)

Simpsons Origins: When Homer said, "Expand my brain, learning juice!" ("See Homer run,"
Nov. 20, 2005) alcoholics everywhere gained a new rallying cry.
Real World Applications: While learning juice may be the perfect way to describe beer,
Simpsons-loving lushes already had plenty of boozy one-liners to choose from, including, "To
alcohol, the cause of—and solution to—all of life's problems," "I'm a people person... who
drinks" and "Alright, brain, you don't like me and I don't like you. But let's just do this, and I can
get back to killing you with beer."
We will not rest until learning juice is nationally recognized as the new official name of beer.
After that, we shall continue not resting until learning juice is
a) constantly stocked and available in every supermarket, hospital and car wash;
b) required drinking in every school;
c) part of a balanced breakfast;
d) a welcomed replacement for water in water fountains; and
e) totally free.
Once all of those demands are met, then we'll rest. We'll rest so goddamn hard that we won't
remember all of the learning juice-related yelling, beating and sexing from the previous night.