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6 tips for dealing with conict

Oct 6, 2016 / Chelsea Catlett

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Smart ways to handle your next heated situation, shared by Nadia

Lopez. She should know shes a school principal.
Nadia Lopez, founding principal of Mott Hall Bridges Academy, is no stranger to a
challenge. When she opened the school in Brownsville, Brooklyn one of the most
underserved and violent neighborhoods in New York City she did it with knowledge that
it would be no easy task. In challenging spaces, the greatest challenge is that we dont
know whats causing the challenge you cant see it correctly, so you cant ask the right
questions, says Lopez. Armed with a quiver of experience from her corporate and
education backgrounds (she previously worked at Verizon and as a teacher in Fort Greene,
Brooklyn), Lopez has faced innumerable obstacles with perseverance, grace and immutable

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passion. Here she shares some of her favorite ways to dial down conflict applicable in
situations far beyond the classroom.

1. Be vulnerable.
When faced with demanding circumstances, how do you restore morale and re-inspire
others to see your vision? Though it may seem counterintuitive, being open and honest with
your team during challenging times demonstrates a sense of trust that can develop into
mutual respect. Start with being very clear and transparent, shares Lopez. I actually
speak quite frankly to my team, as well as my scholars. Sharing where you are struggling
fosters an ecosystem of understanding and support, and does far more good than
pretending that you are The Fearless, Flawless Leader.

2. Be aware.

Stop and ask, Why isnt this working? At Mott Hall Bridges Academy, Lopez prioritizes
time for face-to-face conversation. I do check-ins, she explains. I create focus groups
sometimes where Ill gather with a group of teachers and ask them whats going on and
what can we do to boost morale of the team, and I do the same for the kids. Ill ask them
how does this feel? Then I hold myself accountable for how we need to make whatever
proper considerations in the building to move forward.

3. Center yourself.
A principal deals with challenges from all sides, from scholars, employees and
administrators. So when things escalate and they often do Lopez has various tools and
techniques she uses to help her to approach the situation with a level head. First, she tries
to center herself so she can be a calm and rational mediator. (Being calm is so important
that she tries to spend at least 15 minutes each day enjoying uninterrupted silence. Im a
human being and I can be reactionary, she acknowledges, so taking this moment before
conflict even comes up is crucial for an even-keeled response.) Shes also sure to run
situations past friends or family members. Their guidance tends to have your best
intentions at heart, she says. Plus, loved ones dont mind pointing out where you can
improve. Finally, she finds that writing things down can help to put things into perspective
and help her answer whether something is worth a fight or if its just time to move on.

4. Manage mediation.
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When playing the role of conciliator, Lopez lays out what she expects from those in the
disagreement (much like kindergarten rules: no yelling, wait to speak your turn, respect a
persons turn to explain their side), to create a safe space for honest communication. You
have to set up protocols and rules of engagement, says Lopez. If were here, its because
we were adult enough and mature enough to say that we want to be responsible in solving
the issue.

5. Listen deeply and actively.

In tense discussions, its important to acknowledge the feelings of each party involved and
use reflective language to show that theyve been heard. Oftentimes, long-felt, harbored
emotions originating from other sources can ignite miscommunications and set off a
firestorm between two people. Theres a lot of he-said, she-said, and people getting
caught up in their feelings, shares Lopez of the emotional interactions she witnesses
between her students, parents, even teachers. Her job is not to get embroiled. You need to
be compassionate and empathetic, she says.

6. Acknowledge, respect and thank. Repeat.

It doesnt take thousands of dollars to make others feel appreciated. A simple email, text or
brief handwritten (ideally, hand-delivered) note has the power to touch deeply and stave
away challenging occurrences. In one recent instance, Lopez asked herself to be honest
about whether her staff were feeling appreciated. Did they feel like she was there for them,
no matter what? So, she wrote them a quick note. It really just said Thank you. Thank you
for being present, remembers Lopez. Recognizing a persons dedication and skills pre-
emptively calms potentially troubled waters.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Chelsea Catlett is the site writer for TED.

conflict conflict resolution leadership management Nadia Lopez

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