I try to let it go for her. "Scared and a little angry.

"

"Why?"

It is understandable that people hate that question,

because I really hate that question. I catalogue my
feelings, trying to hold on to whatever place I'm talking
from. It feels foreign and yet a little refreshing. "Well,
I'm scared because I want to tell you how I feel, but
I'm always afraid you will yell at me." I suddenly feel
the itch for a cigarette, and I stamp down the feeling.
"Richard did a lot of yelling and I have forgotten what
it feels like to talk to someone you love without
screaming at them."

She nods, but I know she is missing the most painful

part of my admonishment. "Like right now," I point
between us. "This feels normal, but I don't know what
normal is." Quinn frowns deep lines of comprehension
and gets up. I'm a little afraid as she comes toward
me and then resumes her position right in front of me.
Her knees brush against mine and the proximity
steals some of my comfort. I try to press on, my voice
fading to a strained whisper. "I don't think I ever knew
what normal was, so you will have to bear with me."

She slides her hands over my jeaned legs and takes

my hands. Hers are cold and clammy, and I brush my
fingers over them, trying to warm them. "Well, I'm not
going to yell, so tell me."
Quinn makes it seem so easy as she stares at me,
her hazel eyes probing softly, still lit with a shimmer of
emotion. It makes me want to say so many things, but
the paramount becomes my desire to address my fear
of losing her. "I love you, but I'm afraid that because
we started in such a bad way, with me cheating on my
husband, that you will never really trust me."

She doesn't even hesitate as her hands squeeze

mine. "I trust you implicitly."

It makes me balk a little at the instant confidence in

her voice. I'm torn between believing her and
swearing she is lying to me. "Do you really?"

"Yes, because I know that you weren't happy in your

marriage and I will work every day to make you happy
so you never want to leave."

Her words do something in my chest that I haven't felt

my whole life. I try to find something to say to express
this, but I can only come up with a paltry, "that's
sweet."

"It's true." Quinn adds quickly, as if those words will

suddenly make me capable of actual communication.
"And I know your tells for when you start to drift away,
so we can talk before anything dire happens." She
gives me another meaningful squeeze.

It's all such a nice idea, but I realize it hinges on me

actually talking, which makes it hard. Especially now
with her beautiful eyes smiling at me with something
close to peace. "Okay, that sounds good." But I know
that I when my actual thoughts come up, and I grab at
them, I'm poking at her soft underbelly. "And you?
How do I know you won't pull away?"

The mixed emotion rush that creases her brow and

clouds her eyes let's me know that I hurt her. I'm close
enough that the intimacy of that honest look hurts me
too. She has, after all carried a torch for me for some
time, so I really shouldn't have to question her
commitment. "Because I'm a talker and that's why we
are talking. Because I know when I'm shutting down
and I was earlier, but I feel better now."

Her words shock me and I feel my face screw up into

an angry and wounded expression. "God, that really
hurts to hear that." I pull my hands away from hers. "I
am trying to give you so much and you're telling me
that in the worst part you are pulling away." I stand up
quickly, because any place is better than next to her
as she says things that crush the fundamental fabric
of my only support.

I move over to the sliding back door, and stare

through the darkness. I need a nicotine fix so I can
think. Normally, I don't have these urges, but the
prickle of need becomes overwhelming as she slides
up beside me. I grab at the first thing I think of.
"Jesus, that makes me feel like an asshole for loving
you."

I didn't know it would be that though, and I can see

the effect it has as the muscles in her jaw bunch like
she's been slapped in the face. "Please don't say
that." Her usual strong tone is dwarfed by the ragged
breath she lets go. "I just meant that I felt guilty for not
being able to protect you."

I glance at her as she pushes straw colored strands

behind her ear and focuses her eyes at the world
beyond the glass doors. "It was that pain plus the fact
that you lie to my face by omission that I felt like I was
shutting down."

"I need a cigarette."

She looks over at me dazed by my response. "I didn't

know you smoke."

I shrug. "I don't, not really, but I really want one now."
I arch my eyebrows daring her to stop me. When she
doesn't move or blink or breathe I turn to my purse
and dig into it with rough hands. My back is to her, so
I know she can't see the grimace and my struggle for
composure. Lie by omission… fuck. I bite back on the
wail of anguish that builds up in the back of my throat.

"Why did you blurt that out?" Quinn asks softly as I

don't look at her and go straight for the back door.
I press it open, struggling for air. She flips on a light,
illuminating a small brick patio area. Idly I realize we
have talked for so long that the sun has leaked out of
the sky. I flip open the pack as I stare out at the
darkness beyond the patio. I hear her close the door
and I turn to her, lighter in hand.

"I blurted it out because you telling me that I lie by

omission is the worst things you could ever say to
me." I flick the lighter and spark it to life in my hands.
Her eyes trail the flame and fix on the cigarette in my
mouth as I puff on it and then blow a plume of smoke.

"Why is that?" And for a second I'm not sure if she is

asking why I smoke, or why it is the worst thing she
could say to me.

I assume it is the lying part. "Because I never want to

lie to you and it refutes what you said about trusting
me implicitly."

She nods and then walks over to the side of the

house. It gives me a moment to collect myself. It has
been a long time for me to admit that something hurts
before it produces the killing blow. I don't know how I
will face her when she comes back. I don't know how
to reconcile the pain of my emotions and the
knowledge that she is aware that it hurts.

She flips on an exterior light and behind me, the yard

sparks to life. I turn to the pooling of light, noting that
she has a long oval pool. I stare at the water as she
returns with a flower pot. She sets it down on the
table near me and I appreciate the gesture. However I
can't voice that, I just ash inside and turn to stare at
her. "You know, you can't trust someone that lies to
you."

She crosses her arms as she regards me. "No I guess

you can't. But I'll try, if you try."

I nod slowly letting the silence stretch out between us.

"I didn't know you had a pool." I say pointing stupidly
at it.

"Oh, yeah." She looks at it, and it successfully breaks

her focus on my face. "Was that another deflection
tactic?" She smirks turning back.

"Yes."

"I'm getting better at this."

I want to tell her so many things, but instead I suck on

the filter of my cigarette and blow smoke in the sky. I
watch the swirls as they linger around us. Everything
in my life feels like a haze, except one thing. I look
over at her. I want her to be happy, more than
anything in the whole world.

"You know Quinn, I just want to make you happy." My

words, spoken from the unabashed honestly of my
heart bring her head around. She smiles softly and
ducks her head a little. "I don't really care what I have
to do, but I just want to do what you need me to do."

"It isn't about what I need as much as it is about you

reclaiming what you have lost." She sighs moving
toward me. I put out the cigarette in the flower pot and
turn to her as she bumps her shoulder against mine
affectionately. "I know that when you get to that place,
amazing things are going to happen for you and us."

I lean into her, finding that talking about things that

matter isn't nearly as scary with someone who loves
me. "Like what?"

"Like you'll sing again and fill that void in your heart."
She tilts her head against mine and I laugh a little at
her words, wishing that were the case.

"Doubtful, but thank you."

"Actually, it isn't at all. You will be who you wanted to

be babe." She slides in behind me and I lean into her
as she wraps her arms around me. We slide together
so well. That singular thought rumbles around inside
me and makes the butterflies in my abdomen bounce
around. Her chin comes down to rest lightly on my
shoulder and her lips close to my ear rake chills down
my side. "I believe in you."

I try to not let the words hammer quite so hard in the

expanse of my heart, but they do with a fury that
almost winds me. Her faith and her love make me feel
wildly sure of myself, but I cover it in a joke to ease
the thundering of my heart. "I believe in unicorns, but
that doesn't make them real."

She smiles again the shell of my ear and I close my

eyes. "Well, you'll see when you get there."

We fall into a comfortable silence that stretches as I

listen to the sounds of the night. The gentle lap of the
water, the cars and a dog in the distance barking in
short snaps. I hear a cricket or two somewhere in the
yard. It's peaceful and I acknowledge being in her
arms makes me feel safe even though we have
exposed something. I know we have passed beyond
a boarder that I haven't moved past before.

And even though I'm vulnerable, I know she isn't

going to hurt me. Her arms tighten and I sigh
involuntarily.

"So what now?" I don't even recognize my voice as

I'm lulled peacefully into warmth that is all for me. And
I let myself feel it, without fear and guilt. It fills me.

"In the grand scheme? We love eachother and make

it work, because I do love you." Quinn's words fade
out a little as a kiss tickles my temple and I smile.

"And I love you Quinn. I'm going to try hard to

remember who I was." I pull a little out of her arms so
I can face her and hold her gaze with mine. I need her
to believe it because I know if we want to have a
chance, she needs to know I'm serious.

Her blonde head bobs in a nod as she smiles slightly.

"I'll help."

This time I'm the one beaming from ear to ear. "You
already have." Her happiness matches mine. "And in
the short term, what do you want to do?"

"We put your things away and we wrap up the deal

with your work."

"I don't want to put the things away right now."

She eyes me with skepticism. "Well, what do you

want to do?"

I think about it as I look back in a sweep across the

yard. "Embrace my impulsive need for attention?"

"Oh yeah, how so?" She gets a devious glint in her

eye and I realize the power I have over her as she
bites her lip, hanging onto my words.

And though I would love to be a pervert I feel an

overwhelming need to do something else. Something
I have always wanted to do. I bolt out of her arms and
race toward the pool. I don't bother with my jeans or
shirt, but I grapple for my tennis shoes and throw
them off right before I hit the edge and plunge
headfirst into the water.

It's insane! And as the air stalls in my lungs from the

frigid water. I come up to the surface into the Doppler
effect of Quinn's scream as she hurls toward me. All I
see is a flash of light hair before her mass displaces
water and it submerges my head in a wave.

She comes up a moment later with a yell on her lips

and I spit water from her deluge. "Damn it's cold!" I
slide over to the edge, gripping the cool cement to
keep from being dragged down by my jeans.

I grin at her as she shifts around, treading water –

showing off. The water and light cast interesting
shadows over her face. I never thought straining
panted breathes could look so artful and amazing. It
does admittedly make me a little horny watching her
breath hard and drip water down her smooth features.
"If you're cold then stare at my see-through shirt and
let the thoughts warm you."

Quinn dips her eyes for a moment to the front of me

under the water line, the cold water and white shirt
playing interesting tricks on my body. She sinks a little
in the water as she forgets to kick a few times. Finally
she grabs the edge and breathily laughs. "You are
terrible."
I smile. My legs dangle and float a little as I relax in
the coolness. It feels good to just be and exist, without
threat or pang of concern. It feels so right. I open my
eyes and realize I didn't even know they had slid
closed, a testament to my new found place in the
world.

I turn to my beautiful girlfriend and trace the side of

her face. Girlfriend… the word tastes good and I roll it
around, reveling in it. She turns away from me a little
and I spy a thick design inked on her back. Her other
tattoo presents itself through the white of her t-shirt. It
imprints on my mind, so familiar to me that I instantly
remember the smell of synagogue and the warmth of
knowing I was less alone in the world.

It's a Chai, the Jewish symbol for life. The rush of love
I feel is indescribable because really, why would she
get that if not for me? It's for the little silver necklace
that I wore senior year of high school and still have to
this day. And I can't believe it is printed on her body,
punctuated agains the smooth skin over her back. I
can't beleive I had her naked in bed and never saw it.

She turns back to me and gives me a lazy smile.

"What is it?"

I don't even know what to say, so I pull the first thing

that comes to mind. "Remember when I asked you
about the lake or the ocean and you said you liked
lakes better?"
She laughs a little, switching hands so she can
continue to hold herself up at the edge. "Yeah, you
coming around to see things my way?"

I let the lapping of the water lull me as I move a little

closer and thread my legs around hers. "No, but I
think I like pools for certain things."

She raises an eyebrow, her eyes almost aquamarine

in the pool lighting. "Oh yeah? What things?" Quinn
gives me a rakish grin.

"Come here and I'll show you, baby." And she is more
than happy to oblige.

Where the Heart Is

By: Stephanie Kusiak

A/N Hi everyone. So… about this chapter. This is a

special request for a friend at Tumblr. I figured why
not get all the smut out of my system. It isn't integral
to the story, but if you feel like enjoying this then
please do. The conclusion is coming up next, so
maybe one last hurrah is good for the soul. Enjoy.

The light shines between the ripples making the pool

water shimmer in the wake of our bodies connecting. I
just about moan out my appreciation, so swept up and
swept away by the feelings thrumming through me.
Quinn drops her lips on mine and the gentle motion
feels like a hammer against my senses. The chlorine
burns my nose as I wolf down breaths, unable to get
enough air as she steals it with hot kisses. The water
splashes as I grapple for her, twining my legs around
her hips and my hands around her neck. She holds us
against the edge, the press of her body warming my
chilled skin.

"You feel so good." I mumble against her lips, raking

my nails through her wet hair. My motions fall still and
I kiss her softly, full of promises. I feel her respond
against me, her mouth opening to me, and I claim her.
As strange as it is, I think her saliva tastes good and I
explore her mouth for the sole purpose of tasting
more.

Quinn pulls away after a moment and her eyes,

darkened by desire, reflect the light below us. She just
stares at me, and I smile in the pleasant roll of her
eyes over me. It's comfortable and pulls at the need I
have; the need to feel her and be sexy for her, to
make her want me desperately. It makes my body
hum as her gaze drifts lower between us. I can almost
feel her thoughts ghosting over my hard nipples, stark
against the translucence of my shirt. "I want you."

Quinn's voice is barely above a whisper. I shiver at

the tone, the passionate need that drips from every
letter in the short sentence. Her words work up a
frenzy inside me. "I'm right here, baby." I move toward
her. Encaged in our position, I press my head
between her arms and her neck, teasing against her
ear. "And I want you to make me come." A moan
tears from her mouth and my body responds
clenching tightly, wishing I could feel her inside me.

I'm already primed and I pull her squarely against the

heat between my legs. It rocks her from her trance
and Quinn presses tighter, grinding her hips into me
with intent. I stifle a moan into the space between us,
but all my senses focus on her hip bone as it hits the
seam of my pants and shoots throbbing pulses into
me. I try to arch against her body, but the wall stops
me, pinning me between the crush of her motions and
the cold tile. The contrast creates a tempest in the
middle of my abdomen and I struggle to feel more of
her.

I tangle her lips with mine instead, forcing my tongue

inside her mouth. The engine within me, overfires and
revs, shooting sparks through my arms and hands. I
need to feel her so badly and this little tease is driving
me crazy. "Touch me." I gasp breaking the kiss and
pulling back. Her thigh moves, thumping a bolt up
between my legs and reminding me how bad I want
her inside me. "Quinn, oh fuck." She's grinding into
me again, making me insatiably aroused.

She has a cool dominating expression, tinged with a

little surprise as the curse drops from my mouth.
"What? This isn't touching you?" She does it again,
kissing my neck and licking the drops with a skilled
tongue. This time I call out my enjoyment, echoing my
cry around the pool, like I'm skipping stones across
the surface. I shudder broken breaths against the
uncoiling of heat from her lips that race down to meet
with the sparks her hips are creating.

"With your hands." I groan.

"My hands are kinda busy." She indicates her grip on

the edge and I growl a little in frustration at the hands
above my head. "Unless you wanna drown… which
obviously you do." Her lips find mine, tasting like the
pool water. She pants out small breaths between the
electric slides of her mouth on mine.

I fix her with a sultry smile thinking about how madly I

want her and I would give anything to drown in her.
"Let's go inside." I wipe the water droplets off her face
and pin her with a final kiss before slipping toward the
shallow end. She follows in my wake and I look back
as I hit the shallower water, gaining my footing. She
has a predatory look to her as she moves forward in
slow motion, stepping higher in the water level. Her
shirt clings to her, torturously to my eyes, and I can't
believe this goddess is mine. She looks like Venus
rising from the ocean. The image winds me before we
seal our lips together again. I backpedal as she wraps
me up and surges forward, knocking me off balance.
The cold water embraces me and I keep our mouths
together as it washes over skin that had warmed,
prickling me with icy needles.

I trust her implicitly as I meld to her, wrapping in her

meager warmth and let her walk us toward the stairs.
Her hands press hard on my hips, as she holds me
against her in the water, igniting my fire higher. She's
squeezing my ass and I can feel her nails on the
exposed skin above my pants. "Oh yes." I whisper
against her lips as she lifts me a little, depositing me
on the stairs in a wave of water.

"Let's not go inside yet," she teases against my neck

as she pulls in for another kiss. My hands map out the
curves of her shoulder blades and I try to climb into
her mouth, try to express how much I want her. She
hovers over me kneeing my legs apart. I pull her
tighter, her heat all but gone as our cold bodies meet.
Her motions quicken, under my mouth's message, her
hands now free to roam. I cling to her and hold her
firmly against me as she moans in my mouth.

Her hands make a line for the waist of my jeans and

she breaks the kiss, panting. "God, I need you.
Fucking wet clothes." She grins at me and tugs on the
clasps of my pants. I lean back against the lip of the
pool, giving her room as she fights against the wet
material. It chaffs as she pulls on my jeans and they
come down a fraction. She claws at them and I gasp
as her nails rake roughly on my hips, pulling down my
panties as well.
She looks horrified as she rubs against the flesh.
"Sorry."

I'm not, and I moan my approval as the tingle seems

to reach between my legs and make me wetter. I feel
a little crazy at the mind blowing energy that grips me.
I help her with the jeans, working them down,
practically ripping them off.

She's on me after that, her warm mouth kissing along

my side, creating little hurricanes as the temperature
contrasts against my freezing skin. Quinn's lithe body
splays my legs apart, pressing coldly against my
center, making me almost painfully aware of every
throb. I dip my head back as she presses upward on
my sopping shirt, moving it out of the way of her
mouth's path. "Mmmm… that feels so good, Quinn."

"You feel good." I quiver under the touches, drawing

my legs around her hips as she works higher,
pressing the thin silk of my bra out of the way, her
mouth on my nipple immediately after. The jolt shoots
through me, her mouth feverishly hot. I fall back
further, rolling my eyes closed under the motions.

And I just soak in the feel of her, the touch of her

mouth, her hands caressing in trails on my legs, the
almost gentle nip of her teeth. I can't get enough and I
grunt my displeasure as she removes her mouth,
switching breasts far too slowly in my opinion. Her
hips grind into me again and I press back, sighing
heavily. I realize the sensuality, the dominance but
mostly the comfort I feel with her. I open my eyes to
trace her face as it presses to my breast. I'm so happy
she's mine. "What did I do to deserve you?" I wonder
softly, curling my hand in her hair as she works over
me. I follow the soft roll of her pink tongue over the
dark skin of my nipple and hiss out a breath at her
beautiful mouth.

Her motions slow as she kisses higher, teeth and

tongue running over my clavicle. She stretches over
me to place kisses on the bounding pulse I can feel
dizzying me. "You're just you, babe." Quinn fixes her
hands on the insides of my legs, dipping her fingers
close to where I need her. I'm vibrating, the muscles
in my calves bunching with every pass. Her open
mouth kisses burn my skin as her fingers angle
closer.

"Yes, please, yes." I'm goading her, begging her. I

feel the cold from her hands as it hovers near the heat
between my legs. She edges in closer with her
fingers, caressing just outside my wetness, lightly
tracing in an idle pattern.

"Moan for me." She commands in my ear.

Primal fire lights me and if I ever had a reservation

about anything, its out the window fast enough to
make my head spin. I'm grabbing at her, moaning into
her mouth, straining to touch as much of her as I can.
I'm aware that we are outside, but I could care less- if
the neighbors look, then it's their own damn fault.

She's teasing me like a puppet on string. I'm moving

under her hands, her feathery touches forcing my
body to arch into her for more contact. It is torturous
and sublime. Quinn's moves make waves of need
crash through me. Everything manifests in torn
animalistic cries that I don't even register as they echo
around the pool.

And then she glides through the wetness between my

folds, making my hips buck against her with intent. It
pops light behind my clamped eyes and I lave my
tongue against hers, drawing her toward me. "Yes." I
punctuate between my mouth's motions. "Yes, fucking
God please, yes." It makes no sense, the words that
are tumbling between her kisses.

She touches me firmer, so damn close to everything

that I almost scream into her mouth as her tongue
works past my lips and her fingers do it again.
"Yeah?" She teases, pressing against my opening.

I catch her eyes, and twine my hands in her hair.

"Yes." She circles once and then enters me, making
my whole body light up like a flare. I pull her into me
crushing my lips to hers, quivering as she anchors her
hand, those long fingers hitting everything perfectly.
She pulls out and moans as she enters again with
three fingers, filling me. I don't know how she just
knows what to do, and I really don't care as she
begins stroking, building a blaze inside me.

"You feel so good." She whispers shakily again, soft

cries resonating from her lips in time with her motions.
I cling to her lightly, my arms heavy with desire while
her motions feel like they're pulling me inside out. I'm
at the gentle mercy of her and I love it.

Quinn peppers kisses along my neck and jaw, grazing

my earlobe before filling my reality with her warm
dripping words. "You're so wet, and warm. You know
that?" I nod weakly as she speeds up, building
pressure as I climb higher. My tolerance threshold
peaks and I shiver at the brink.

"Keep going." I urge her. "Don't stop, please." I kiss

every part of her that I can reach. Dropping my jaw, I
grab hold of the infinitely vast urge inside me and
tighten on her fingers. Quinn slams her palm into my
clit and I scream her name as I tense one final time.

Involuntarily I pull her closer and the shift of her body

splashes ice water up between us, dousing my
exposed center and washing away my orgasm into
the liquid around us. The cold spikes a sharp twinge
of pain up my body. "Shit, fucking freezing!" I rocket
off the step, breaking us apart, and it almost hurts too
much to register anything else.

"Well, that was crappy timing." Quinn looks

displeased as she chews her lips but it's gone a
moment later as she smiles up at me good-naturedly.
"How close were you?"

"You don't want to know." I laugh, sliding to my feet a

little ungainly.

She shifts around making arcing circles with her arms

in the water. "Can we go inside and continue?" She
sounds afraid that I'll say no.

I smile and roll my eyes as I ascend the steps

backward. "Already ahead of you; you coming baby?"

"I was getting close to coming, yeah." She jokes,

splashing behind me. I strip off my shirt and bra as I
hit the patio, dropping them on the small table beside
my makeshift ashtray and open the glass door easily.
"Rachel wait."

She pries herself free of her soaked clothing, baring

herself to my hungry eyes. She is so beautiful, with
the lean cut of her form and the impossible depth of
her smile and eyes. I must look smug because my
head pounds the steady mantra that she is mine. She
drops each article of clothing on the bricks. "You liking
this?" She winks at me.

"No, I hate it with a passion." My eyes follow the

bounce of her breasts as she slides up beside me.
There is a light twinge of red blush rising on her
shoulders and I trace it lightly with my fingers.

"Good." She pecks a kiss and slides in before me.

"Just stand right here, I'll get a towel. I don't want you
to slip baby."

I snicker. "You must think I'm a total clutz." I close the

glass door with a snap sealing us inside as I give her
a droll look. "I am a dancer you know."

"Those legs tell me every time." She agrees tickling

my ear with a kiss before she is off.

I don't think I have ever seen anything cuter than five

and a half feet of blonde nakedness bounding through
the family room toward the back bathroom. I follow
her racing form in the semi-light with my eyes until
she disappears. It only takes a moment for her to
return with towels.

I breathe deep the warm cotton and use it to chaff my

skin dry, eliciting chills to rake me. "Thirsty?" Quinn
enunciates and I nod as I wrap the towel around me.
The cotton burs against my sensitive skin and I find
myself almost grumbling on the fact that my orgasm
was literally… right…. there. And now a drink is
interrupting my slowly receding passion. A sigh
escapes my chest.

I stare over the low counter as the light from the

refrigerator draws over Quinn, washing her in the dark
kitchen. I can't wait until I know this place well enough
to maneuver in the dark. I smile silently to myself,
wondering where that thought came from. It probably
has everything to do with my desire to spend every
moment near Quinn. She approaches me with a
Gatorade in her hand, breaking the seal as she offers
me the first gulp. "Rachel?"

I take it, grateful for the rinsing sweetness, and pass it

back to her. She swallows and closes the bottle. "You
know," Quinn chews over her words as I watch her. "I
have been thinking a lot about our conversations over
the internet." She leans over the counter. "Things we
talked about and the candor that we talked about
them in."

I'm intrigued as I notice an even starker coloring of

red on her skin. "Which parts?" My eyes drop to the
line her cleavage is forming as she rests on the
counter.

"The sexy parts, like when you told me, you know…"
she pauses, laughing a little. Her teeth find her lip and
pinch it with such adorable tenderness, I melt. It is
such a contrast from the fireball outside I almost can't
believe it's the same person.

"When I told you what?" I notice the dark blush

cruising up her neck and it makes me blush too for no
other reason than I can't imagine what it was I said
that makes her so embarrassed.
"About the strap on." She rolls her eyes up at me, and
I blush for real, uncomfortably warm suddenly in my
towel. Her words rebound around inside my mind and
I visibly shiver.

"Oh?" I feel something churn inside me as she

measures me, thinking, contemplating. I realize she
isn't trying to come up with words; she's trying to
decide if she wants it. My legs vibrate as the muscles
start to liquefy under the possibility that we might do
that tonight.

"Well, I trust you." She fiddles with the Gatorade bottle

swirling her fingers around it suggestively, "I meant it
when I said it, and I want you to have that. Have that
part of me because maybe it will show you how much
I trust you."

The way she says it makes me feel uncomfortable.

Almost like she feels she has to in order to prove
something. I frown a little. "I already know that." I feel
myself at a loss as I try to touch on the feelings I
have. "I don't need you to put yourself in that
compromising a position for me to prove your trust."
And I want to beat myself in the face for saying that
because I'm torn between wanting it and needing it.
There is not a single part of me that doesn't.

She circles the counter slowly and I falter a little as

she comes close, her eyes steady and hands
reaching out. Quinn pulls on my towel a little, freeing
the flip in front and bringing it down around me. I
shiver a little as her eyes roam over me. "I want to
feel that," she glances up, "You." She draws closer,
pressing a kiss to my shoulder that makes me forget
my concerns. "I want to know what it feels like to have
you pumping in and out of me."

The heat of her breath makes goosebumps paint the

right side of my body as it spirals down around my
shoulder. She comes closer, her own towel rubbing
alluringly against my skin. I mew a sound as she
kisses my neck, dragging at some primal need I can
hardly contain. "I need to compromise myself a little
bit." Again she's at it with her lips, making my eyes
blur. "I want you to do what you have thought about
so that we can share that."

As if her words aren't enough, her tongue traces a

slow line up my neck, making my body quiver. "Oh
Jesus…" I whisper as I clamp my hands down on her
arms to hold myself steady. I can't even think. "Do you
have one?"

She laughs and I can feel the smile against my skin.

"Doesn't every good lesbian?"

"I don't know... do th…" I whisper as she catches my

ear and chokes the sound in my throat as I try to
breathe and speak at the same time. I fight for the
words. "Do they?"
She shrugs. "I happen to, but you probably don't want
to hear about who I bought it for and how I never used
it with them."

"You're right, I don't," I agree, turning to silence her

lips with my own. And as she returns the kiss I realize
that we both need this. It's a proverbial throwing down
of a gauntlet. A rite of passage. I couldn't want
anything more.

So when her hands wrap around me, I tug at her

towel, dropping it unceremoniously to the floor. The
flutter of the cotton against the tile might as well be an
actual gauntlet because Quinn begins a slow pull,
coaxing me toward the bedroom. Our bedroom, I
acknowledge boldly, and it fills me with excitement.

By the time we are halfway down the hall, I'm pushing

her back slow, careful steps in the dark. I love her. I
want to make her mine in every way. As my
excitement builds I realize she's offering me
something very powerful. Something she hasn't ever
done. A first for her. I feel the thrumming of my heart
as I make the connection and it softens the hard edge
of desire I feel spike me.

"I can't wait to feel you. I need you, want you, oh my

God Quinn you destroy me, you're so beautiful." I find
myself saying as I weave my mouth over her skin,
kissing, nipping and sucking at her throat and jaw. I
find her lips in the mix, and lick them, prying her
mouth open expertly. Her hand presses the bedroom
door open and we fall through it in a scramble of heat
and skin.

"Oh Rachel." And it becomes my single goal to make

her scream my name. Drive her to a place I could
never find or touch. "Baby, you are just..." She
wrenches a moan out of her throat as I bite her neck. I
don't know where these dominating urges are coming
from, to mark her, to own her. It is like something that
shifted in the shadows is unchained.

"I am." I press toward the edge of the bed, purring

against her ear and eyeing the satisfying chills that
coat her body. "You like that?" I tease nipping on her
earlobe and then grazing my teeth down her neck.

"Yes…" She pants hard, struggling for breath. "It's in

the bottom drawer."

I smile boldly and then fake confusion. "What is?"

She shivers under my motions as I bait her to say it.

"The strap on."

"And what are we supposed to do with that?" I play,

feeling like I'm invincible. My hands find her breasts
and cup them, thumbs working slowly over hardened
nipples.
Her pants turn to soft gasps and the sound makes me
drip with want. "Get it and I'll show you."

I laugh. "You get it and I'll show you first." I challenge

playfully.

Her hands find my back and she kisses me deeply,

her tongue darting into my mouth. She pulls back and
catches my lower lip in her teeth, biting softly. The
shockwave radiates straight to my clit. "Okay, I'll get
it." I correct.

My hands are in the drawer and I don't remember

anything about getting there. I'm just there, staring at
her cheerleading bag from high school. I laugh. "Is
this where you always carried your sex toys?"

"Ha." She fakes amusement. "Very funny."

I pull open the zipper and though the bag holds

several things I would love to inspect further, I find the
harness almost immediately, and pull it free. The
pliant material is firm yet soft under my fingers and
reality sets in, freezing my humor. I stand as the lights
dim, leaving me a little breathless and a lot nervous
as Quinn looks at me over her shoulder. Beside her,
candles flicker a little and the romantic motion makes
my stomach flutter.

"Hi." Is all I really have the power to say as I'm caught

between the grown up idea of what we are doing and
feeling like a child with their hand caught in the cookie
jar.

"Hey, sweetheart."

I swallow as I trace the smooth lines of her back as it

shifts and she turns toward me, lightly sitting on the
bed. "Come here." She curls a finger, beckoning me. I
just stare at her, a blonde panther as she slides
across the width of the bed toward me. I can't get
enough air and I feel like I'm drowning. I know no one
else could ever do this to me, break me open and
unhinge me without stealing every little bit of me left.
And yet, Quinn does it with a look and a smile as her
hand takes mine, but it fills me instead of robbing me
of everything.

I join her, kneeling on the bed. "So…"

"No time to get bashful." She chides, taking the

harness from me. I feel myself blushing furiously. It's
silly really, because it isn't the first time we have had
sex, but I sigh as she fiddles with the straps. This is
something I have wanted for a while and I feel the
pressure to make it as good as my fantasies.

She beckons me closer, practically in her lap and I

stare down at her as I feel her hands thread around
me. She nudges my legs apart and I anchor on her
shoulders. The silence makes me nervous, so I fill it.
"You know, it isn't that I'm bashful. I just want it to be
good." I focus on the swirling painting hanging on the
wall. "I need…" my words are cut off as she slips the
harness up between my legs and something firm hits
my clit. "Oh, umm… ahhh… wow." I look down
between us.

"Yeah." She smiles up at me as her hands hold

everything in place. "I have a feeling you are gonna
like this."

I nod emphatically as she returns to the motions. "So,

you're not embarrassed, you're worried about
performance?"

I shrug because it almost seems silly. "Yeah, that is

one way to put it I guess." I watch her thread tight the
clasp on my hip and then pull the synch tight with her
teeth. I breathe heavier at the sight. She does the
same to the other side, allowing that sensual pull of
the strap between her teeth.

"You do know that you know more about this than I

do, right?" She laughs. "Just draw on what you know,
and I'll let you know if it works."

It seems natural and simple, so I let go of my doubt.

"Are you ready?" My voice is darker than I have ever
heard it. I clear my throat but I can't lose the
smokiness in it. "I mean… I don't know what I mean."
I laugh. "That wasn't very sexy."
"It's okay. No, I think I need something first." I feel her
tug me forward by the strap on and it's surreal as she
manipulates me into her lap with it, pulling forcefully. It
is a tribute to her ability to string together straps and
ties.

"You know, if that was real, you wouldn't be getting

laid." I indicate the smooth shaft her hand is wrapped
around.

"You know, if it were real you wouldn't be either." I

laugh as she pulls me down for a kiss. The woman
has a point. She works her lips toward my ear as my
hands caress over her. "I want your mouth on me."

I pull back, looking far too happy for my own good. I

can't swallow the stupid grin that her words make me
feel. "Oh really?"

"Yeah?"

"Like where, your elbow?"

"You just might not get laid for the hell of it." She
taunts gently letting go of the toy and kissing me
soundly. I take that as my cue to descend. I bow away
from her as she lays back. I drag my tongue down
between her breasts, grazing my lips over the rosy
nipples. They harden almost instantly and I nudge
them with my lips, feeling her chest shudder. I graze
them with my hot breath as I exhale and trace down
further.

"I'm sorry baby. I promise to make it up to you." I like

playing with her. She laughs lightly as I inspect her
navel with my lips. I feel her tug at something, and the
flash of a controller in her hand and a cord connecting
it to me stops my motions. I arch my eyebrow at it and
then at her. "What's that?" But I forget my question as
I smell that familiar scent of her. I give her a look and
she smiles as I skip down to rest between her thighs.

Quinn sighs as I wedge her thighs wider, opening her

to me. My eyes graze over her and I move in, swirling
my breath between her legs. I visibly watch all the
muscles clench. "Wow." I whisper and trace my finger
between her folds, over her clit and down to circle her
opening. She clenches again, this time a soft cry
escapes her. I draw my index finger through the slide
of wetness before me, catching it on my fingers. From
this close I watch the swirl of light against the
lubrication coating my fingertip. I rub it between the
pads of my fingers, feeling the silkiness. I sigh.

"What is it?" She sounds alarmed. I feel her body coil

with tension.

"Nothing, just enjoying the view." I whisper peeking

my head up to catch her gaze and smile. I realize I'm
taking her comfort for granted, and it's the last thing I
want to do. "I'm sorry." I kiss the inside of her thigh. I
return my eyes to hers and hold her with a smile as I
dip my finger back. After a moment of circling, her
hazel orbs drift closed. "Mmm" I moan a little as I dip
my finger into her and then thrust inside her quickly
and then pull free.

"Oh yes! No, no, no, come back."

I trace my finger around her opening. "What do you

want, baby?" I feel the pull of her muscles as she
clenches for me.

She groans in frustration. "I want you, it, anything…

inside me." She lifts her head and pins me. "Seriously,
before I go fucking crazy."

I smile, ducking a little closer. "How about I start

here?"

I moan as I roll my mouth up the length of her

wetness, feeling it coat my tongue. She tastes sweet
and tangy and I slip my head to the side, changing the
angle as I do it again. "Oh Rachel." I glance at her
face as she arches out of view. I can't stop my smile
and I breathe deep her scent and circle my tongue
around her clit. "Oh, oh God baby." I kiss it, teasing
her. She staggers her breath above me.

I like it. I like the way she tastes, how wet she gets. I
love the sounds she makes because it's me doing it to
her. My mouth, my teeth, my lips. In effect I kiss
again, smacking my lips. "Rachel, Jesus, I love your
mouth."

"Is that good?" I ask, already knowing the answer as I

suck on the nerve bundle, popping it between my lips.

She doesn't form words, just a moan that resonates

so loudly I almost feel embarrassed. I trace my hands
down her thighs and up the side of her hips. I hum my
appreciation of her muscles pulled tight, solid under
my fingertips. She bucks against my lips as the sound
vibrates her.

"Should I keep going or should I move up there?"

Suddenly, the harness vibrates, the small snub point

buried in the harness thrumming against my clit so
hard I almost shoot out of the bed. "Holy shit." I
grapple for it with my hand, putting distance between
its vibrations and my body.

Quinn doesn't move, she just peeks an eye open at

me, a bubble of laughter on her lips. "You should
make a decision."

"This isn't nice." I focus hard on the bed sheets as the

vibrations pound through my hand into me, driving me
to quiver for her. Slowly it recedes and I focus on her.
"Interesting trick."

"I spare no expense with my magic." She arches an

eyebrow at me and glances down between her legs. "I
believe you were making a decision." She grins as I
drop my jaw in surprise.

"You're lucky you're hot, otherwise I would take your

toys and go home." I slide back between her legs and
lean on her thigh. My hand glides up the expanse of
her abdomen.

"You are home." She whispers just loud enough for

me to hear it, but have to stop to process it. I smile
softly.

"I want to come up." I say absently, more to myself

than her, and my eyes drift to catch hers. "I think I'm
ready."

"I am too." Quinn gives me a soulful look. "Come kiss

me."

I crawl up her body, measuring her in the candlelight,

taking my time to drag my breasts across her. She
quivers at the contact and I smile a little. As I near
her, there is a look in her face that I can't place. "What
is it?"

Her smile falters a little. "I'm nervous I won't be as

sexy as your fantasies."

I laugh making her roll her eyes. She opens her

mouth to speak, but I hush whatever words she wants
to say with a searing kiss. "I love you."
It trickles out of my mouth ringing true and breaking a
dam in my chest. I think she sees it, because it is
impossible to contain the sliding home of something
inside my heart. I feel more like myself than I have
ever felt. "I love you Rachel."

I settle down atop her, parting her thighs with my hips.

Her skin is so warm and flushed, I caress along her
sides, elbowing the bed with my right arm. I work my
left across her right breast thumbing her nipple as I
kiss her, my tongue languidly strokes hers.

I experimentally rock my hips against hers, very

aware of the toy pressing against the length of her.
Her beautiful lips conjure a sigh against my mouth as
her hips press into me. I shudder. "Do you like this?"

Her hands come up and hold me to her, "Yes, but I

want to feel you inside me."

Her nipples harden against my chest as I slide back a

little. It is so new, heady and amazing; I find I'm
imprinting on everything. Her feel, her sounds, her
image, everything is emblazoned in my memory
permanently. I aim the strap on, watching her face as
she melts into a sensual smile. "Right there." She
confirms as her hips lift a little.

I shift the length of my body up over her, moaning

involuntarily at the contact. From out of nowhere she
strokes the dial on the controller and starts a slow
gentle vibration through me. I bite my lip until it hurts.
"That isn't going to give me much time."

"I'm not going to take much time." She pulls me

closer, caving her body to get me eye to eye with her.
"Just go slow." She asks quietly. Her legs curve
around my hips and I place feathery kisses on her
lips.

"I will I promise."

She pulls me tighter and I stretch my legs, flexing

them, pressing forward. I feel the tension, holding the
toy at bay and Quinn closes her eyes, arching back
into the bed. The pressure sends thick warbling
vibrations through me, threatening to make me
orgasm as I watch her face. "I, oh god, oh god Quinn."
I don't know if I can hold on. Then all at once the
resistance gives way.

She whimpers and hisses through her teeth arching

her chest into me. I moan out Quinn's name and
encircle her with a hand under her back; struggling to
be tight enough and close enough to her. I feel the toy
and by extension myself sink into her, the pull of her
legs making the motion more her than me.

Her mouth falls open in a long guttural moan that

signals to stop and I do. I move my hips in a small
circle, teasing the tight wetness around the strap on.
Quinn moans throatily and squirms under me, her
thighs spasming around my hips. "Does it hurt?" I ask
easing back a little and then pressing forward again.

"No." She bites her lips and then wrenches a cry from
her lips as I move again, her head tossing to the side.
"Oh Rachel, my God, go please, go."

I kiss her neck following her hurried commands, her

hands twisting tightly in my hair. I begin a slow
sensual grinding motion inside her, one that would
make me scream if anyone that had ever done it. She
pulls me up to her lips and laves her tongue against
mine and I meet her in a slurry of panted breaths.

It is exhilarating, knowing that I'm here in this moment

with her. Having waited so long for this, I can barely
hold out as my abdomen tightens. I feel the pull of my
climax circle me again and I drop my head to her
neck, listening as soft cries resonate in her throat.
She holds me to her, soft hands cradling my head and
chest as I move, dipping a little faster each time.
"Yes." She tightens her grip as I lift up, pressing my
forehead to hers.

I grind down into her, feeling her wetness on my

thighs, crashing my lips down onto hers to swallow
her moan. I pull back, her muscles grabbing for the
vanishing thickness. I press in again, feeling less
resistance. I pick up the pace, her eyes open and
dazed and her hands sputtering to hold onto me
weakly. Her voice warbles, "Yes, Rachel… yes…
don't… stop…. Please… baby…." Broken hurried
words between thrusts drill into me.

She keens up into me, meeting my motions and I

save her from her illiteracy with open mouth kisses,
licking the roof of her mouth as she arches further and
further back. "Are you close?" I edge as I start to lose
focus, both our motions turning sloppy and
uncontrolled – desperate.

"Yes," She lets go of me, cementing her hands

around the base of the headboard. She rattles it, the
wood creaking as her legs pull me into her.

I'm right at the edge for the second time tonight and
this time, I'm not able to stop it. I lean over her and
steal her cries from the source, as I echo everything
back at her. "I'm gonna come Quinn." I cry out,
dropping down and fisting my hand in her drying hair.

She moulds herself around me and plasters her

mouth to mine. Her eyes focus with determination.
"Come for me." Her voice is devoid of haze and the
look she gives me, pins me with, does it.

I shatter into long full body vibrations that make

everything ache and burn. I can't move, or think, and
above me I hear Quinn tumble after me, her whole
body tight. I grope for the controller beside us blindly,
and find it right before I crawl out of my skin to escape
the stimulation. I finally am able to come to a rest,
breathless and sputtering, my arms burning and
aching.

I jerk a little, bobbling in the bed as I go to move.

When Quinn mews softly I remember we are still
intimately attached. "I'm sorry baby." I whisper,
caressing her shoulders and hip. I pull out slowly and
once I'm free I'm scrambling to get myself free of the
strap on so that I can fit all my skin against her.

She doesn't move, and I watch her as I loosen it and

am able to slip it down my hips. "Quinn…" I slide
against her, pulling her close to me.

After a moment she opens her light eyes, tracing my

face. "That was amazing."

"Yes it was."

She smiles a little, burrowing her face into my neck.

"How do you feel?"

I mull over it, not really sure how I feel. The whisper of
the emotion pops into my mind as I feel her kiss touch
my throat. "Complete."

I hear a satisfied laugh drift up to me as she pulls me

closer. "Me too."