Title : 10 January

Word Count : 1523 words

JANUARY 10, 2014

The wind blew gently. It was a refreshing morning. I saw the dry leaves scattered around. It was

such a beautiful morning. I felt grateful to be able to enjoy this peaceful morning. I smiled. No

one knew the secrets kept in the dictionary of my life over the past three years. The journey and

the test that have taught me the meaning of life.

"Dear .. let's have your breakfast," Mother called me from the living room. I wiped away my

tears as I walked into the house. I smiled as I hugged my mother. Mother was the one sacrificed

so much to take care of me day and night. Mother was the only one who patiently accompanied

me every time I admitted to the hospital since I was diagnosed with cancer.

Suddenly my shoulder was patted from behind. "Daddy, lets have our breakfast together," Dad

drew up a chair and sat next to my brother and mother. I saw my father's body had shrinken a

little bit. I would never forget my fathers sacrifices. Driving hundreds of kilometers every day

just wanted to accompany me in the hospital after him returning to work. Thank God for

allowing me to have such a wonderful family.

After breakfast, I helped my mother clean up the table and the dishes. "Do not forget your

medicine dear". I shook my head. Mother had reminded me for three times. . I went through a

treatment that cause me to forget about things easily. Only families understood my situation.
In January 2014. I underwent the first week of orientation week for form 1 students. I was a

little bit nervous because it was the first time I went into a middle school and it was also the first

time I stayed at the hostel. Everything went smoothly until the third day of school , I felt the

shortness of breath. I was not able to stand. During the weekend, mom and dad came to visit me.

I was surprised by my own situation. I was allowed to go home.

Dad then took me to the hospital. "2703, number 7 my queue number was called. Somehow my

heart was pounding very fast. I was taken for an X-ray. Mother and I kept on praying that

nothing serious would happen. "Qisthina Hazel Hilmi", my name was called. I was weird when

the doctors look at the x-ray viewing screen and he said there was a small thing at my right lung.

Doctors still did not know what was it. The doctors only supplied me with painkillers, I was then

taken home in a weak state.

The second week of January 2014. My body was getting weaker. My chest was very painful and

I had difficulties in breathing. Once again I was referred to the emergency unit of a private

hospital. CT scans was conducted on me. My family members waited for the actual result the the

doctor.

January 10, 2014. It was the date that I might not be able to forget for the rest of my life. The

doctor told me that I was diagnosed with a level-3 non-Hodgkin's lymphoma (ALL High Risk)

or blood cancer. My mother collapsed when she heard that shocking news. Oh Allah ... Do I still

have the opportunity to continue living? Why was I chosen ??? Why and why ???
Starting from that second there were no more smiles and joyness in my life. Only tears and pain.

Can I ? Finally the doctor had to make 2 punches on my right lung as it was filled with liquid. I

had to bare with the pain that I could not describe. After a week the tube on my lungs was

removed. I was sent to the General Hospital for further treatment. I finally placed in

cardiothoracic ward. The next day I was taken to the operating room at 7am mixed feeling was

developed inside of me same as the pain in my lungs. It is was frightening to see a variety of

surgical instruments and all the doctors who were ready to perform the operation on my lungs.

The voice sounded faint doctor. Both my eyes slowly closed down. Now I was in another world.

The area was so peace and quiet and I could feel no more pain.

At about 2 pm. I was taken out of the operation theater. My name was called repeatedly. When I

woke up I felt very ill. There were so many tubes all over my body. Only then I noticed that once

again my lung was punched for another hole. I was not able to move. My lungs felt very painful.

The surgical wound which was almost 20 cm on the back of my body throbbed. Oh Allah,

please help me.

On January 21 2014,at about 9.00 pm I was moved to the child oncology ward. There I was

surrounded by friends who were in the same boat. My breathing was getting worse. My nails

and lips turned blue because of the lack of oxygen. Sharp at 1 on the morning, I wasrushed to the

ICU. My body was tangled with wires and various machines were operated around me. "Mom ..

Dad forgive me" Finally I laid unconscious for nearly a week. That moment the doctor took

some samples of my spinal and marrow to be sent to the laboratory. My breathing was squeezed
by swollen glands between the lungs and heart. Doctors tried to save me who was in a critical

condition.At that moment, cancer cell that was suddenly become aggressive had made me getting

worse.

I had countless of sufferings . Only the prayers of my mother,my father, teachers, friends and

also my acquaintances that would never break. I prayed that there is a miracle. Thank you all.At

1.30am after a week I was unconscious , I suddenly awakened from my dream. My throat

hurted. I slowly opened up my eyes . It was quiet and silent.There were only the existing

machines and patients who were unconscious around me. Oh God, where am I ??? I tried to

pull all tubes and the ventilators of my body but I was powerless. Apparently I had been given a

life support machine.It was so hard for me to get help. I ended up crying. And I thanked the

nurse who was aware of my situation and I was told that I had passed the critical moment.

My new life began I had to stay in the oncology ward together with my other colleagues who

were in the same boat. Today I went through an agonizing day.I started on the ALL High Risk

Protocol for chemotherapy which is the same treatment for leukimia . The chemotherapy

treatment was suffering. The pain and the effect of the poisons continued to change me

physically. I suffered from depression and extreme sadness. One by one of my friend left me

behind.
Sometimes felt tired because of all the treatment that were debilitating and painful. Along the

treatment, a total of eleven times the water was taken from my spine. On the third time onwards

anesthesia,there was no sedation given to me during the process. My fingers, and my body was

trembling after each chemotherapy treatment.My long and shiny hair were getting loss drop and

bald including my eyebrows and my eyelid as aside effect of chemo. My nails hands and feet

nails ached and lose. My bones felt brittle. My emotions were constantly changed. The toxic

from the chemotherapy treatment was always heat makes me grow weak that I could not walk.

Sometimes I was rushed to the hospital due to lack of blood.

Day after day, it was scary. After almost three years I underwent chemotherapy treatment and

many other treatments. There were chemotherapy, took a bone marrow specimens, biopsy, blood

transfusion, CT scans, venogram, radiotherapy, PET scans and some surgical that needed me to

go through. I had to swallow a lot of pills every day.

After chemotherapy without stopping, I went through brain radiotherapy treatment. Each time

after the process was completed, I would vomit and I was unable to get up. My eyes were blurry

and I became forgetful. Along the process, many cells were destroyed, my memory has led to

fade.

After the radioteraphy, I had a PET scans treatment. On that day, I was quarantined in a special

room at the Department of Nuclear, General Hospital. My body was injected with a radioactive
substance. After the process finished, I had to be quarantined from all the people around me for a

week.

Finally my treatment now has come to an end. But, I still need to get follow-up treatment every

month. Mom and dad, thank you for not stopping your pray for me.

I had to be strong. I want to throw away all the bad memories. Hopefully that I can fight for a life

and get through this treatment. Al Fatihah to all my friends who are in the same boat with me but

did not manage to survive. From Allah we came and to Him we shall return.