Eurovision2014 PDF

Semi Final 1 Semi Final 2 The Big Six Stats/Stories
Eurovision 2014
Hello, Copenhagen! This is Popbitch calling!
Here we have your all-in-one guide to the songs, the statistics and the
stories of this years contest.
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Song Profiles ..................... 4-40
In this section, youll find all of the essential information on
every song in the competition from the first semi-final to the
swaggering Big Six plus all of the important trivia on the
performers.
Statistics ...................... 41-51

You want data? We got data. Our deep, theoretical analysis
into the last 15 years of Eurovision has thrown up a bunch of
colourful infographics, charts and diagrams that will make you a
Eurovision expert within minutes.
Stories ......................... 52-60

The Best Of The Rest: Five fine songs that didnt make the final
Singing In The Reign: 15 fascinating years of Eurovision history
Molly Good Show: We meet the UKs most hopeful entry in years.
Bloggers Choice ................ 61-63

We asked some of the best-informed bloggers for their opinions
on this years underdogs. This is what they had to say.
Contents
All 37 entries in alphabetical order.
Click the country to be taken straight to their profile.
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Albania .........9 SF1 Lithuania ........26 SF2

Armenia .........4 SF1 Malta ............20 SF2
Austria .........25 SF2 Moldova ..........14 SF1
Azerbaijan ......11 SF1 Montenegro .......18 SF1
Belarus .........29 SF2 Norway ...........22 SF2
Belguim .........13 SF1 Poland ...........24 SF2
Denmark .........35 GF Portugal .........16 SF1
Estonia .........6 SF1 Romania ..........34 SF2
F.Y.R.Macedonia..30 SF2 Russia ...........10 SF1
Finland .........27 SF2 San Marino .......15 SF1
France ..........36 GF Slovenia .........33 SF2
Georgia .........23 SF2 Spain ............39 GF
Germany .........37 GF Sweden ...........7 SF1
Greece ..........32 SF2 Switzerland ......31 SF2
Hungary .........19 SF1 The Netherlands ..17 SF1
Iceland .........8 SF1 Ukraine ..........12 SF1
Ireland .........28 SF2 United Kingdom ...40 GF
Israel ..........21 SF2
Semi Final 1 - 6th May
Italy ...........38 GF Semi Final 2 - 8th May
Latvia ...........5 SF1 Grand Final - 10th May
Armenia
Its not uncommon for a country to pick their entrants from their national
version of X Factor or The Voice. Armenia have done it, but they havent
picked a contestant. Theyve picked the host. Theyre sending the Armenian
Dermot OLeary. And whats weirder still? Hes the hot favourite.
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Artist Aram MP3
Song Not Alone
Language English
Key C minor (Not ideal: minor is good, but C loses more often than it wins)
Key Change No (Good: key changes are death)
Songwriters Two (Good: one composer / one lyricist)
Writer/Performer Yes (Good: it always helps to have the writer perform)
Sounds Like Something youd find on a DJ Shadow mixtape
Other Notes Arams real surname isnt MP3; its Sargsyan. He got his start as
a stand up comedian doing humorous covers of popular songs -
which is where he earned the stage name.
The dubstep production sound made its first appearance last year,
with six entrants using some wubs and dubs. None of it did very
well though. And this year - while the studio version video is racking
up unheard of numbers for a Eurovision track on YouTube, like a lot
of club-inspired productions, the live version on stage hasnt been
well received. Aram was odds-on favourite before he did his first
appearance, but now hes out to 2-1.
Latvia
German-born Jran Steinhauer and his merry band of Latvian buskers sing
this years cutesy folk number. Filled with weird references to unicorns,
Indiana Jones and the lost city of Atlantis, Cake To Bake is ridiculous,
twee and about as catchy as they come.
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Artist Aarzemnieki
Song Cake To Bake
Language English/Latvian
Key F# major (Pretty bad: F# is often a losing key; major is a disaster)

Key Change No (Good: although one semitone up is actually a better key)
Songwriters Two (OK: its usually better to have two songwriters per song)
Writer/Performer Yes (Good)
Sounds Like An over-friendly exchange student, let loose with a guitar at

a party.
Other Notes The bands name means Foreigners in Latvian. Lead singer Jran
moved to Latvia when he fell in love with Brainstorms Eurovision
performance in 2000. The band had a surprise hit with a song
about the demise of Latvias national currency (the lats), and
their silly-lyrics busking is growing a big fanbase in Copenhagen.
One to enjoy.
Estonia
In her homeland, Tanja has made her name in musical theatre, television and
pop music, having played leads in numerous musicals, appearing on primetime
shows and releasing six albums of her own material. In Eurovision, she is
making her name as That one thats a bit like Lady Gaga.
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Artist Tanja
Song Amazing
Language English
Key C minor (OK: popular key this year; not traditionally a winner though)
Key Change No (Good: but shifting up a tone would put it in the sweet spot)
Songwriters Two (Ideal: exactly what you want)
Writer/Performer Yes (Good: most winners write their own songs; juries seem to like it)
Sounds Like Lady Gaga
Other Notes Tanja is Russian-Estonian, born in Kaliningrad. It often helps to have

an act born in a different country to the one theyre representing -
but this year the Russian connection might not be so useful... nor
the Lady Gaga comparison. If you like upbeat stompers, you might
like this. If you dont like the sound of cats wailing, you might not.
Sweden
Sanna Nielsen will have the Fiona Bruce-fancying, Radio 2-listening dad
demographic all sewn up before she sings her first note but as for the
rest of us? Its a pleasant enough Euro-ballad that wouldnt look too
uncomfortable in the top 10.
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Artist Sanna Nielsen
Song Undo
Language English
Key Eb minor (Good: Eb is within the winning range, minor is good too)
Key Change Yes (Mixed: E minor is a winning key, but key changes are cheap)
Songwriters Three (They all have pretty solid credentials too - see below)
Writer/Performer No (Sannas only real stumbling block...)
Sounds Like Celine Dion, moving into radio-friendly ballads
Other Notes Sanna is the youngest person ever to have a Swedish language
number one, aged 11. Undos songwriters include Fredrik Kempe
(who also wrote Eurovision runner-up Popular) and David Kreuger
(who worked on Boyzones Where We Belong and Britneys ...One
More Time album). The juries will love this one, but you might fall
asleep while its on.
Iceland
Beards, bright colours and bouncing about basically sums up the Pollapnk
experience. Its an odd and slightly schizophrenic number that flits between
punk, pop and disco and its exactly the sort of thing we love Eurovision
for.
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Artist Pollapnk
Song No Prejudices
Language English
Key D minor (D minor is a great key; but it isnt very solidly in Dm)
Key Change Yes (Bad: and, worse, it sort of slips from key to key throughout)
Songwriters Two (Good: both wrote music and lyrics)
Sounds Like Verses sound like the Hives; the chorus sounds like Sweet
Home Alabama and they also break into the most balls-out
disco weve seen in the competition since Stefan Raabs Wadde
Hadde Dudde Da in 2000.
Other Notes Pollapnk are popular among children, kind of like a punk rock
Wiggles. They originally sang this in Icelandic for the national heats,
but have rewritten it in English for the competition so everyone
can know its about a boy being bullied for having a stammer.
They have a backing singer who looks like Frankie Boyle freshly
discharged from Guantnamo.
Albania
Straddling the worlds of pop and classical - like Nigel Kennedy, Vanessa
Mae and Myleene Klass before her - Hersi Matmuja is performing one of
the most peculiar songs of the contest. One that has undergone quite the
transformation since we first heard it.
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Artist Hersi
Song One Nights Anger
Language English
Key F (Moves between F major and F minor; an unusual technique)

Key Change Yes (Bad)
Songwriters Two (Good: one lyricist; one composer)
Writer/Performer No (Not great)
Sounds Like A Seal B-side, sung by Shakira
Other Notes The original version of this song was very different. Written in
Albanian and performed by an orchestra that was dozens strong,
it started with rough electric guitar, before blending into something
far grander and stirring than the oddly folksy number it has since
morphed into. Now, its a good spot for a toilet/tea/beer getting
break.
Russia
D-Wing, rejoice! Junior Eurovision is all grown up!
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Artist Tolmachevy Sisters
Song Shine
Language English
Key E minor (Good: E has never lost in the 21st Century; minor is good)
Key Change Yes (Bad: up two semitones to the death-knell of F#)
Songwriters Five (Not great: two composers; three lyricists)
Writer/Performer No (Bad)
Sounds Like Almost every Eurovision song youve ever imagined
Other Notes Its more about how badly they are booed than how good the song
is. Lyrics are back-of-a-fag-packet Google Translate; the song even
less memorable. The Tolmachevy twins have impressive Eurovision
credentials though. At the age of nine, they won the Junior
Eurovision Song Contest 2006 in Bucharest with their song Spring
Jazz; and they were also part of the opening act in the second
semi-final in Moscow.
Azerbaijan
Having already achieved their goal of hosting the Eurovision, youd think
that Azerbaijan would be tempted to phone it in this year, but not a bit of
it. In fact, given that their bitter rivals, Armenia, are this years early
favourites to win, the pressure is back on them to put on a good show.
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Artist Dilara Kazimova
Song Start A Fire
Language English
Key B minor (Mixed: minor is good, but B is in the losing range)

Key Change No (Good: theres nowhere to move that would help either)
Songwriters Three (Mixed: too many, but theyre Swedish and previous winners)
Writer/Performer No (Bad: often the undoing of ballads, this)
Sounds Like The kind of song that appears on CD2 of a Disney album.
Something from one of the straight to video sequels, but is
actually a solid bit of balladry.
Other Notes Like most countries, Azerbaijan had televised heats in order to
chose their entry. One week, Dilara chose to perform Shirley
Basseys History Repeating. It was gobsmackingly weird.
The song was written by Swedes - including Stefan rn (who wrote

Azerbaijans winning entry, Running Scared). It uses a diminished
chord, which is unusual for Eurovision, and it also features
Azerbaijans national instrument, the balaban. Try and forget the
awful staging; its a very pretty song and Dilara is one of Bakus
few animal rights campaigners.
Ukraine
The good people of Ukraine arent letting a little geopolitical trouble
worry them. And theyre not trading on pity either. Theyve put in a proper
stomper that, despite a little too much whistling, is probably their best
chance in ten years at lifting the trophy again.
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Artist Maria Yaremchuk
Song Tick-Tock
Language English
Key F# minor (Good: minor is strong, F# is just inside the winning bracket)
Key Change No (Great: any higher and shed have been in the losing range)
Songwriters Two (Good: one composer-lyricist; one lyricist)
Sounds Like Maroon 5. But good Maroon 5.
Other Notes The lyrics to this song have had a little tweak since this first earned
its place in the competition (presumably the work of the newly-
added second songwriter). Wisely, theyve changed the first line
which was We belong to each other / Like a sister to a brother. It
just gave the whole thing a slightly unpleasant, incesty feel.
Will this get the sympathy vote? The bookies obviously think so, as
her odds have slashed in this last week despite the huge hamster
wheel on stage. And that Maria is a supporter of the pro-Russian
party in Ukraine.
Belgium
The Sunday after the Eurovision final is Mothers Day in Belgium (and 13
other participating countries). Hopefully, Axel Hirsouxs ode to loving his
mother is a cynical attempt to grab votes, and not a genuine love letter.
Otherwise hes going to be turning things hellishly icky...
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Artist Axel Hirsoux
Song Mother
Language English
Key E minor (Good: a very solid key to perform in)

Key Change No (Good: you dont want to move from a key like that)
Songwriters Two (Good: ideal, in fact)
Writer/Performer No (Bad: hopefully this is enough to jinx his underhand tactics)
Sounds Like Russell Watson
Other Notes Axel is well known to Belgium TV fans, having appeared in (and
failing to win) both Star Academy and The Voice before signing
up for Eurosong 2014. The writers of Mother have written entries
for Spain and Andorra in the past (none of which did any real
business).
Moldova
Strong, imposing women are quite the fixture on this years line-up and they
dont come much stronger or more imposing than Cristina Scarlat with her
deep, booming voice and her swirly dubstep stylings.
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Artist Cristina Scarlat
Song Wild Soul
Language English
Key D minor (Good: a key responsible for the most winners in recent years)
Key Change Yes (Bad: one semitone, to Eb minor)
Songwriters Two (Good: and with lyrics by her 23 year old niece, which is cute)
Sounds Like Early Muse, covered by latter day Muse
Other Notes Utterly bonkers cyborg styling; shouty song, great voice. Run for
the hills!
San Marino
Its probably because San Marino has a population of about sixteen people,
but this is Valentine Monettas third time at the Eurovision making her
the first person to represent a country in three consecutive years since the
Sixties. And this time with a song not about Facebook.
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Artist Valentina Monetta
Song Maybe (Forse)
Language English
Key G minor (Good: G has spawned some winners; minor is good)

Key Change No (Good: going any higher than G# would get you in trouble)
Sounds Like Something your mum likes on Radio 2
Other Notes Bankrolled by German veteran songwriter, Ralf Seigel - rumoured to

sub the tiny country 20k euro each time. If she wins, shell probably
plan on staging Eurovision 2015 in her house. (Clue: she wont
win).
Portugal
Portugal have only qualified three times since semi-finals were introduced
in 2004. Probably because of their bloody-minded determination to sing in
Portuguese, thereby alienating most of Europe. So are they finally going to
blend in with everyone else? Hell, no. This is as Portuguese as it gets.
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Artist Suzy
Song Quera Ser Tua
Language Portuguese
Key Tricky (Could be E Major, C#minor or A Major - all are bad)

Key Change Yes (Bad: one semitone)
Songwriters One (Bad: you need more than that)
Sounds Like The Lambada
Other Notes If youre particularly into cruise ship entertainers, or feeling

nostalgic for a holiday on the Algarve back in the 1970s, then
maybe this is the one for you. Bad, but it can probably still expect
12 points from Spain.
PAEDO POP ALERT: Suzy had her first hit as part of the childrens
band Onda Choc, with a single that sounds like a Portuguese teen
version of Here Comes The Hotstepper.
The Netherlands
An oddly serious entry from The Netherlands this year and an oddly
American one too. Its not bad, it just... well, its just not Eurovision.
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Artist The Common Linnets
Song Calm After The Storm
Language English
Key Ab Major (Pretty bad: Ab is skirting near losing keys, major is terrible)
Key Change No (Good: especially so close to the losing range)
Songwriters Five (Bad: miles too many)
Sounds Like Rilo Kiley covering Every Breath You Take
Other Notes After being announced as The Netherlands choice for Eurovision,
Ilse and Walyon went to Nashville to prepare themselves for the
competition. Yeah. Because the Tennessee sound is one that always
kills with Europop fans.
The lyrical allusion to storms is good. Weirdly, turbulent weather

has historically been good to reference in your lyrics.
Montenegro
Christopher Maloney? Is that you?
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Artist Sergej etkovi
Song Moj Svijet
Language Montenegrin
Key Eb Major (Bad: Eb isnt great, but major is a big problem)

Key Change Yes (Bad: one tone up to F Major another dreadful key)
Songwriters Two (Good: one composer; one lyricist)
Other Notes Montenegro have put in some superb but cruelly overlooked
efforts in the last two years. In 2012, they sent the Montenegrin
equivalent of Ian Dury - the magnificently named Rambo Amadeus.
Euro Neuro was an under appreciated gem. But that was nothing
on 2013s entry. Who See gave us the intergalactic dubstep track,
Igranka. It was gloriously weird, but because of the pathetically
boring juries it never made it out of the semi final.
Sadly this isnt in the same league. Another bog-break beckons

(unless you like rollerskaters on stage). This also contains a strange
Eurovision rarity - a change in time signature. It moves from 4/4
into 6/8.
Hungary
Last years Eurovision was all about the wubs and dubs. This year there is
a bit of a 90s tinge to it. Andrs Kllay-Saundars is leading the charge
with a drum-and-bass track about, wait for it.... child abuse. Boooyakah!
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Artist Andrs Kllay-Saunders
Song Running
Language English
Key Bb minor (Mixed: Bb has won and lost, but its minor which is good)
Key Change No (Good)
Songwriters Two (Good)
Sounds Like Baby D
Other Notes Andrs was born in New York. He visited Hungary for the first time
in 2011, entered the Megasztar contest and came fourth. So he
moved to Hungary and had three top tens. His father is Fernando
Saunders - Lou Reeds sideman, who also worked with Jan Hammer,
Jeff Beck, Pat Benatar and Heart. His mother is a Hungarian
model Katalin Kllay. Hes definitely worth a look, a big favourite in
Popbitch HQ. Come on! Vote Hungary!
Malta
Mumford and Cunts.
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Artist Firelight
Song Coming Home
Language English
Key Db Major (Bad: Db is bad, major is bad; combined, its truly awful)
Key Change No (Good-ish: a semitone shift would put them in D though)
Songwriters One (Bad: Not enough)
Sounds Like Mumford and Sons - with Claire from Steps on guest vocals
Other Notes The singer Richard Edward Micallef goes by the stage name Richie
Edwards. This is his seventh try as a Malta Song contestant. Richies
dad is a famous Maltese singer and two of his brothers are also
in the band. Malta have a good track-record in Eurovision, belying
their size and status; and unless you hate Mumfords, you might like
this.
Israel
Mei Finegold came third in Israels equivalent of Pop Idol. Which sort of
makes her the Darius Danesh of Israel.
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Artist Mei Finegold
Song Same Heart
Language English/Hebrew
Key B minor (Mixed: B is the tonal wilderness; minor is solid though)

Key Change Yes (Bad: two semitones, to C#m, which isnt enough to save it)
Songwriters One (Not great)
Writer/Performer No (Bad: if she got herself a writing credit, it would really help)
Sounds Like A drag Pink impersonator
Other Notes Eurovision fans have been flocking to big this one up, but its hard
to see it winning over Europe. Another poor placing could see the
current rumours that this is Israels last appearance come true.
Shouty pop, competently performed but the English to Hebrew
switch half way through jars a little.
Norway
Looking like a less grizzly and gnarled Lemmy, Norways Carl Espen is the
contests gentle giant singing a song that will sound slightly familiar
to anyone who watched The Bridge.
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Artist Carl Espen
Song Silent Storm
Language English
Key F# minor (Good: F# is a bit iffy, but minor is good)

Key Change No (Good: going higher from here could cause problems)
Songwriters One (Not great)
Writer/Performer No (Bad: his cousin wrote it, but that wont fool the juries)
Sounds Like The theme tune to The Bridge. (Coincidence that the trophy
travels from Mlmo to Copenhagen this year the two cities
featured in that series? Hmmm...)
Other Notes Storms are excellent to reference in lyrics references to thunder

and rain and lightning have historically done well in the competition
but a silent storm? Carl is a 31 year old carpenter, who grew up
on an island in the sea off Bergen. He served in the army in Kosovo,
and was doorman in rock club. Eurovisions huge stage can be a
hard place for a rank amateur, but if Carl can hold his nerve (and
hes got the might of Sony Music behind him) this is a very pretty
ballad.
Georgia
Noodly, folksy, ethno-jazz certainly has its place. Usually its on a
Saturday afternoon at a festival while waiting for a band that you actually
like to come on. But now The Shin and Mariko think that Eurovision could
benefit from some yodelling and compound time signatures. Yeah. Of course.
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Artist The Shin and Mariko
Song Three Minutes To Earth
Language English
Key E Major (Bad: major keys are the concrete boots of E)

Key Change No (But there are a few momentary stretches out of key)
Sounds Like Government subsidised art music
Other Notes For the first minute, the drummer is the lead vocalist. Which
probably tells you everything you need to know about their chances
of winning.
Poland
Polands answer to Pink and Bubba Sparxxx combine forces to tell us why
Slavic girls are the worlds greatest. The answer? Because they make nice
dairy products and are genetically manipulative. Apparently...
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Artist Donatan & Cleo
Song My Sowianie (We Are Slavic)
Language English/Polish
Key A minor (Not ideal: A has produced a lot of losers, but minor is good)
Key Change No (Good: especially given how close it is to the crap keys)
Sounds Like Touches of Gwen Stefanis Hollaback Girl
Other Notes The lyrics are all about Slavic prowess and excellence, but it doesnt
do well to be too territorial at Eurovision especially when youre
relying on the votes of others. Donatan has been criticised for
preaching pan-Slavism in the past as well as paganism, satanism,
recommending the Red Army, and promoting communism. Luckily
for Poland he seems to be off-stage, leaving it to a cleavage-heavy
all-girl performance. One for the dads, but put your fingers in your
ears first.
Austria
Accused by the Russians of turning the competition into a hotbed of
sodomy, this years lighters-in-the-air anthem is sung by a smouldering
raven-haired beauty with a rather full beard.
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Artist Conchita Wurst
Song Rise Like A Phoenix
Language English
Key D minor (Perfect)

Key Change No (Sounds like theres one; its actually a slight tweak in melody)
Songwriters Four (A few too many, especially as all wrote lyrics and music)
Writer/Performer No (Bad: If Conchita had only chucked in a line or two...)
Sounds Like A classic Bond theme
Other Notes Having irked Russia, Belarus and Ukraine sufficiently for them to
to call for Conchita to be banned from their national broadcasts,
we cant help but feel the East for all of their decent songs and
other interesting contributions are slightly missing the point of
Eurovision. Besides, 2014 is not the year the competition became a
hotbed of sodomy. Not even close. So when you hosted it in 2005,
Ukraine, and you in 2009, Russia, you should know that sodomites
were gaying up your capital cities like crazy. Were sorry to have
to break that to you guys but, honestly, were a little surprised you
didnt notice. Its also worth saying this bearded Kim Kardashian-a-
like would be a worthy winner.
Lithuania
Vilija Matainait originally envisioned this as a reggae song, which
would have been an unbridled catastrophe. However, with the help of a co-
writer, she has crafted an electro-pop version which has become a quiet
favourite of ours; one were really hoping doesnt get overlooked.
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Artist Vilija Matainait
Song Attention
Language English
Key C# minor (Mixed: C# isnt great, but minor is a solid choice)

Key Change No (Good not to use one, but it would nudge it up to a good key)
Sounds Like Like a lead single from one of Girls Alouds solo albums
Other Notes Has one of the most unlistenable starts to a song. Someone
shouting Attention! at you repeatedly must go down better in
Vilnius than in most cities. But stick with it, theres something of the
Nicola Roberts Beat Of My Drum about the chorus.
Finland
Ten years ago Softengine would have been on the cutting edge of the
contest. Instead, in 2014, their haircut indie makes them sound a little
bit stuck in the past. Which is really no mean feat in a competition where
one of the favourites to win sounds like a Baby D tribute act...
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Artist Softengine
Song Something Better
Language English
Key G Major (Not great: G isnt so bad, but major key is a real problem)
Sounds Like The RoMo revival of 1997
Other Notes Their name translates directly from Finnish as Software Engineer.
This is proper synth-rock indie, the kind the Scandis do better than
us these days, performed by a cute teenage band recently signed
by Sony. Add in a sing-a-long stadium chorus and its a breath of
fresh rock air for the contest.
Ireland
Kasey Smith was part of Louis Walshs stalled project Wonderland (or, as
they now appear to be styled, the BT Music Award nominated girlband,
Wonderland). Now solo, she has teamed up with Can-Linn to bring Ireland
the glory that so narrowly escaped Jedward.
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Artist Can-Linn (feat. Kasey Smith)
Song Heartbeat
Language English
Key A minor (Mixed: A skirts with disaster, but it is at least a minor key)
Key Change No (Good: especially in this area of the scale)
Songwriters Four (Bad: Too many)
Writer/Performer Possibly (Kasey didnt write it and its not clear whos in Can-Linn)
Sounds Like Like a lead single from one of Girls Alouds solo albums
Other Notes Like The Common Linnets, Kasey Smith has spent some time in
Nashville maturing her sound. Between being in a girl band and
entering the Eurovision.
This song doesnt resolve. Its a trick that is on the rise at

Eurovision, and this is one of the more obvious examples of a song
which ends abruptly on what would traditionally be the penultimate
chord. Its the musical equivalent of a mic drop. Or the series final
of The Sopranos.
Its also pretty awful, with easily the worst rehearsal performances.
Top contender to be this years Jemini.
Belarus
Name-checking Patrick Swayze, Jennifer Grey and Google Maps, Eastern
Europes answer to Robin Thicke has a charming little ditty about getting
all caught up in a womans sweet cheesecake.
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Artist Teo
Song Cheesecake
Language English
Key C# minor (Not great: C# is problematic, but the minor is important)

Sounds Like Robin Thicke
Other Notes When we initially commented upon the likeness between Teo and
Robin Thicke, Teo was very quick to correct us. This is what he said:
I might wear a black suit and a white shirt, but Im Teo and not
Robin Thicke. Im the one being objectified in the song and video
for Cheesecake, and the lyrics make clear that I dont like it. The
meaning behind Cheesecake is simple but a positive song: Im
tired of my ex-girlfriend calling me her sweet cheesecake - we all
want to be treated with respect.
Anyway, he looks more like Dappy when hes got his sunglasses on.
Come on Europe, vote Teo into the final. Its charming and silly.
F.Y.R. Macedonia
Usually, F.Y.R. Macdeonia likes to indulge in a bit of point swapping with
Croatia, Turkey and Bosnia & Herzegovina three countries all absent from
this years party. So it seems poor Tijana will be the one who ends up
loitering in the kitchen, checking her Twitter and eating all the nibbles.
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Artist Tijana
Song To The Sky
Language English
Key A Major (Bad: could hardly be worse actually the killer key)
Key Change No (Good: but its really no saving grace stays stuck in A Major)
Songwriters Three (Bad: threes the bad number)
Sounds Like Another Pink soundalike
Other Notes Composer Darko Dimitrov also wrote FYR Macedonias highest
scoring Eurovision entry to date - 2006s Ninananja. That song was
performed by Elena Risteska who, relatedly, wrote the lyrics for this
years entry. One of those tracks you wont remember 30 seconds
after its finished.
Switzerland
Its a big year for whistling this year. But where Ukraine have some
background whistles very high in the mix, Sebalter has them front and
centre merrily chirruping along with the melody. If you can bear it,
youre stronger than us.
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Artist Sebalter
Song Hunter Of Stars
Language English
Key E minor (Good: strong key; minor, as ever, is great)

Songwriters One (Bad: two heads are better than one)
Sounds Like Roger Whittaker guesting on a Dexys Midnight Runners track
Other Notes Sebastiano Pa-Lessi - 29. Started in a band called The Stalkers,
who specialised in covers by Uriah Heep and Deep Purple. And
yet this couldnt be further from Purple. Hand-claps, a fiddle and
whistling. This is the what Satan would choose to play to welcome
sinners into hell.
Greece
Without their usual bumchums Cyprus in this years contest, Greece are
going to have to do something pretty special to make up the 12 point
shortfall that will incur. The plan? Get the Greek Rizzle Kicks to perform
a summery pop smash on a massive trampoline. It might just do the trick...
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Artist Freaky Fortune (feat. Riskykidd)
Song Rise Up
Language English
Key C minor (Good-ish: The key of C seems to be fighting fit this year)
Songwriters Three (Mixed: but its unclear how much input RiskyKidd has had)
Sounds Like Sam and the Womp; Yolanda Be Cool
Other Notes Freaky Fortune are a Greek pop duo who won Perez Hiltons cover
version competition with Katy Perrys Part of Me.
RiskyKidd is actually called Shane. He has a German father, a

Jamaican mother, was born in London and moved to Greece as a
kid. On a tactical level, its helpful to have a geographically diverse
background to maximise votes. But Greece will do well enough out
of a) their Balkan neighbours, b) the growing post-recession Greek
diaspora, and c) because this is loads of fun.
Slovenia
For all of her weird, kooky Kate Bush promotional photography, Tinkara is
actually quite a standard presence and performer. Except for the fact that
she dresses like a giant Quality Street and can play the flute, theres not
really a massive amount to say about this one.
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Artist Tinkara Kova
Song Round And Round
Language English/Slovene
Key C minor (Good-ish: another C, though this is not the finest example)
Songwriters Four (Bad: one composer; three lyrics)
Sounds Like A Slovenian Corrs
Other Notes The bridge to this song sounds practically identical to Lithuanias
entry, Attention. Were either of these two in any danger of
topping the table with their entries this could have sparked off
some plagiarism scandal. But as this is unlikely to make it to the
final and Lithuania will probably languish in the bottom third of
Saturdays table its not really worth getting too fussed about.
Romania
Its a second outing for Paula Seling and Ovi whose Muse-sounding entry
in 2010, Playing With Fire, scored them a bronze. Theyre bringing back
their neon piano and taking a shot at the top.
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Artist Paula Seling and Ovi
Song Miracle
Language English
Key A Major (Bad: really pretty terrible, truthfully)

Key Change Yes (Quite a flamboyant one; a lot of work for one semitone)
Songwriters Three (One from Norway; always helpful to bring in outsiders)
Sounds Like Swedish House Mafia
Other Notes The song might not stand too much statistical scrutiny, but Paula
and Ovi are very visual performers. They put on a striking show,
which counts for a massive amount (just ask Jonathan King...)
except this time they seem to be using Liberaces bog-seat as a
keyboard.
Youre going to love this one - but perhaps not in the way Romania
are hoping... Theres a massively extravagant key-change near the
end which could go badly wrong for Paula, too.
Denmark
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Artist Basim
Song Clich Love Song
Language English
Key Eb Major (Pretty bad: Eb has no winners, major is bad)

Key Change No (Good: but the way he sings clich sounds like key change)
Sounds Like Bruno Mars
Other Notes Anis Basim Moujahid is of Moroccan descent. Ordinarily its helpful
to have someone from another country to perform your entry, but
as Morocco arent competing this year its not necessarily going to
add any votes to their total. Without mentioning that this is the one
which might make you want to stick a fork into your eyeball.
France
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Artist TWIN TWIN
Song Moustache
Language French
Key Bb minor (Mixed: Bb not ideal; minor is good)

Sounds Like LMFAO
Other Notes Lorent and Francois are actually twins. Started out as guerilla film
makers, before joining up with beatboxer Patrick. Signed to Warner
France. Have been accused of lifting big chunks from Belgian star
Stromaes hit Papaoutai. Its Eurovisions most hipster act since
Sebastien Teller. Loveable, but perhaps doesnt take itself seriously
enough to get the jury vote.
Germany
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Artist Elaiza
Song Is It Right?
Language English
Key G minor (Good)

Songwriters Three (Bad: three has lost more than it has won)
Sounds Like A Bavarian Adele
Other Notes Beat many of Germanys biggest stars in their national final. Got
there after winning their ticket via a wildcard contest, beating 2,239
other punter-submitted songs. And yet its instantly forgettable
- and possibly quite irritating. Another one with a weird time-
signature.
Italy
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Artist Emma
Song La Mia Citt
Language Italian
Key A minor (Mixed: minor is good, A is a key for losers)

Songwriters One (Not great: usually good to have two)
Sounds Like Republica
Other Notes Emma is a multiple platinum seller in Italy, winning a series of

Popstars and the prestigious San Remo festival. A creditable
performance but 90s influenced pop-rock sung in Italian might be a
little too niche for this event. Possibly a little too niche for Bar Italia
even.
Spain
If you recognise Spains entrant Ruth Lorenzo from X Factor, its because
youve seen her before. She was Ruth Lorenzo from X Factor. Rather than
plunder their own reality shows for an act, they plundered the UKs. Canny
move, but it remains to be seen if it will actually motivate Brits to vote.
////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Artist Ruth Lorenzo
Song Dancing In The Rain
Language English
Key C Major (Bad: C is dreadful, major is dreadful)

Songwriters Three (Bad: One too many)
Sounds Like Ruth Lorenzo from X Factor
Other Notes Bitterly divided Spain when this song won, dropping the national
language in favour of English. Sounds a bit Andrew Lloyd Webber
but its not as bad as that sounds. (But still not great.)
United Kingdom
Finally, after years of sending sweet-but-dusty legends who used the
contest to resuscitate their careers, the BBC has seen sense. Theyre
sending some new blood. The blood of Molly Smitten-Downes.
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Artist Molly
Song Children Of The Universe
Language English
Key Eb minor (Good: strong bit of key choosing, Molly. Keep it up...)
Key Change No (Good: exactly what we want)
Songwriters Two (Good: traditionally the winning amount)
Writer/Performer Yes (Good: perform well and the juries will love you too)
Sounds Like Florence And The Machine
Other Notes Was discovered via the BBC Introducing strand. Was a member
of dance act Stunt, whose vocals on Sashs Raindrops (Encore En
Fois) scored a number 9 hit in 2008. Also recorded with Darren
Styles and Basshunter. Its the UKs best entry in years. Without that
dreadful Wolfie Smith Power to the People refrain, we could even
get behind it.
The Key To Success

There is a common misconception amongst the casual viewer that Eurovision
songs are cheery, upbeat numbers. A brief look at the past winners show
that the patterns dont quite support that theory. Major keys lose seven
times out of ten; minor keys will win the same amount.
Change In Tactics
Most people would consider the key change to be a quintessential Eurovision
tool, but the data doesnt really back that up. In recent years, acts have
elected not to use them; winners certainly dont. The one thing we can see
is that the bigger the key change, the worse your chances of winning are.
How To Use Tongue

Once upon a time, every country was forced by official Eurovision rules to
sing in their mother tongue. Since 1999 though, entrants have been free to
perform using whichever language they so choose. So which has been the most
successful?
Word Play
English is largely a second language to most entrants, which results in
fairly safe and somewhat obvious lyrics. But there are some critical
clangers that the Eurolyricist will want to be aware of, plus a few golden
words to drop in.
The Need For Speed

Each country has a maximum of three minutes in which to impress the
audience - so theres not a great deal of time for an act to drag their
heels. This is how the songs tempo (the speed of the beat) affects their
chances.
The Write Stuff

Eurovision rules state that you are allowed up to five songwriters per entry
- a mix of composers and lyricists. Does it help to have a full committee
working on your song? Or do too many cooks spoil the broth?
Luck Of The Draw

Its not all to do with the technical skill of your songwriting. Sadly, one
of the most crucial elements of succeeding at the Eurovision Song Contest
is your placing on the night. Too early on, people forget who you were. Get
on later, you hit the sweet spot where people are drinking and still have
some stamina. Leave it too long though and the viewers are too saturated to
care.
Winning Combination
Up to six people can take to the stage per entry - either as singers,
dancers, musicians, or a combination of all three. So, given that you have
the option to include a half dozen performers, how does a winner use it
best?
A Bunch Of Losers
Its not just the case that you can use the six-stage-performers rule to
your advantage. Choose to get your stagemates doing the wrong thing and
it can cost you dearly. This is the sort of thing that losers get up to on
stage.
A Geotrophy Lesson
Everyone has their theories on who votes for who and which countries
are favourable to certain others. Others suggest that shared or similar
cultures can count for a great deal. Can geography tell us anything about
where the trophy will end up next?
Points Of Order
No-one ever votes for us whinge the UK Eurovision critics. Everybody
hates us, I dont know why we bother! And yet a quick look at the voting
patterns to see who each country gives the lions share of their points to
tells quite a different story. The country with the most loyal benefactors?
The UK...
Best Of The Rest

Though the UK has stopped staging national heats, the Song For Europe
strand of programming is still big in the rest of the continent. Most of it
is only of interest to the most dedicated of Eurovision fans, but there are
the occasional gems that are deserving of a much wider audience. Here are
some of 2014s.
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Ace Wilder - Busy Doin Nothing
A number of songs in this years competition take a while to get
started. Hot favourite Armenia takes a good minute before we hit
the drop. Hungary takes as long until the beat kicks in. This track
by Ace Wilder suffers from the same thing. The verses are, frankly,
a little dull but the Dont wanna work, work, work! chorus could
have been huge in the clubs.
Imagine Cher Lloyd, if Cher Lloyd wasnt making such absolute shit.
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Sonny - Feeling The You
Last year, Sonny would have looked hopelessly out of place. This
year, with the strange 90s throwback sounds, Sonny would have
slotted in pretty nicely. He looks like a ski instructor who has been
left in charge of the groups apres ski entertainment.
His speciality? Cheap Danish Prince karaoke. Especially the bit

where he sings I feel for you in almost exactly the same way that
Chaka Khan does in the Prince song I Feel for You.
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Dr Alban - Around The World

Dr Alban is still a well respected force in leisure centre dance
music. Jessica Folcker garnered international acclaim for her vocals
on a Bomfunk MCs track. Together, the two of them would be
unstoppable, right? Erm, well. No. Not quite.
You dont need to know the first thing about singing to know that
this is one of the most out of tune live performances since Jeminis
Cry Baby.
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MadCraft - Shining Bright
Every year needs its band who think theyre a cool street punk
band, but who actually sound more like Busted. You cant knock
MadCraft for trying though. They threw the kitchen sink at this,
BMXers and all, but were sadly bested by a band whod just signed
to Sony.
What was Finland thinking?
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Sasha - My Lesbian Girl
Long-time Eurovision aficionados will remember Sasha. Every year
he enters a song for Moldovas consideration and every year he gets
just that little more bizarre.
Previous attempted entries from the dark lord of Moldovan goth

pop have included I Love The Girls Of 13 Years Old and Do You Like
My Sexy Lips? Were glad he hasnt given up though as regional
Eurovision would be a duller place without him.
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Singing In The Reign

History was made when Eurovision last hit Copenhagen, in 2001, as it was
the first time that a country from the wrong side of the Berlin Wall took
the prize. 13 years later, Eurovision is heading back to Denmark with
Europe, and the contest, looking very different.
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These last 15 years have seen some fascinating developments
take place in the world of Eurovision. Among the newly created
states of the east the contest became the epicentre of an
intense scrambling for position and an outpouring of national
pride. And now, huge drama is playing out across the continent
as two of the major players are virtually at war, many of the
keenest participants have stopped even bothering to compete
and others have had their reputations tainted by corruption.
Meanwhile, the British media remains resolutely fixated by

a 1970s view of the contest as just a camp piece of light
entertainment, so all we seem to hear is mildly xenophobic
whinging about how cheating Johnny Foreigner is nixing
our chances of winning. In focusing on that, were missing
everything interesting thats going on.
So as 37 nations prepare to take to the stage, we feel its time

to properly review the 21st Century Eurovision.
Back From The Brink too many opportunities for these fledgling
governments to shine a light on their newly
In the 1990s, Eurovision was dying. A largely formed, or newly liberated, states. Its not
ignored, dull-as-ditchwater show for your true to say everyone in the east jumped in.
granny, contested by disinterested national Some nations simply didnt need Eurovision.
broadcasters who were desperate to avoid The Czech Republic had Prague, Vaclav Havel
hosting the damn thing. While much of and the European Championships football
Europe was spending its Saturday nights in runners-up of 1996. Why would they bother
warehouses, pilled up to the eyeballs and with a pop contest?
dancing to four-to-the-floor house tunes,
every Eurovision entry was forced to play And Hungary? They had hundreds of years
with an orchestra and conductor. Everyone of empire, tradition and culture to offer.
had to sing in their national language, after Hungary didnt really bother to take part,
which a hand-picked jury of elderly experts until Victor Orban took over again in 2010
from each nation would decide which worthy and made everyone wonder if Hungarians
tune should win. It was usually Ireland. were in fact uncultured racists after all. Its
no coincidence that since then theyve sent
This primetime TV show had been held serious contenders, not least for 2014.
hostage by nationalist elements in the Poland is a political powerhouse so their
European Broadcasting Union who drafted contribution has been less than minimal. Even
up regulations that would almost bring the their entry this year is about how great it is to
show to its knees. But then the EBU chose to be Slavic.
put the contest into the hands of some clever
Scandinavians people who genuinely cared Russia, on the other hand, cared. For
about the show and four things happened them, Eurovision was another opportunity
to turn this laughing stock into the worlds to hammer home their continued cultural
biggest non-sporting TV event. domination of the region. But this is one area
where Russia hasnt had it all its own way.
First: they did away with the orchestra and Many countries quickly identified Eurovision
conductor. as the place in which their small, new, poor
Second: they changed the language rule. country could compete on a level playing
Where once only UK and Ireland could sing field with the big, historic, rich countries of
in a language most people could understand, Europe. Politics and sport were dominated by
now everyone could. the same old players, but a European-wide
Third: a televote was introduced. People TV show? Well, that gave everyone a chance
could text in their votes, just like on Pop to show off.
Idol, quickening the move towards more
commercial pop sounds. Eurovision now comes with a bigger global
Finally: we saw the new countries of Eastern live audience than the Oscars (whatever the
Europe rushing to join in, eager to be part of Academy Awards PR department try and
the continents wider cultural traditions. claim). Winning therefore became a holy
grail, as this would mean the following years
Why was Eurovision so important for New show would be broadcast from the winners
Europe? country. It also gives the lie to that hoary old
myth that non-one wants to host Eurovision
With the re-drawing of the map there werent because of the bill. Its a license to print
tourist money.
A New Century with pro-western sentiment, celebrations

carried on into the small hours lead by
The seismic change to hit Eurovision actually Ruslana, their winning entry, herself a
started in Stockholm in 2000. Denmark vociferous pro-democracy campaigner and
may have won that year, but the next three then-MP, and generally surrounded by both of
on the scoreboard were Russia, Latvia and the Klitchkos and the President himself.
Estonia. The new lines of the contest had
been drawn it was every new state for The whole of Kiev came to a standstill for two
itself. And Russia, second with billionaire weeks. Kreschytyk Boulevard hosted a party
oligarchs daughter, Alsou, were absolutely every night, where the youth of Kiev loudly
certain that this was a fight they would win, shouted their European aims, and kicked off
just like every other one in their region until their Russian shackles. Russia retreated to
the collapse of communism. That they didnt lick its wounds. Belarus poured millions and
has been described by more than one of millions into their entries, to try and show
their neighbours as a contributing factor to Europe that Lukashenkos dictatorship was
their aggression every since. working... but they flopped year after year.
So, Eurovision 2001. Perhaps it was no real But by now all eyes were instead on the
surprise that one of the more advanced, post-war Balkan nations. Serbia won the
Scandi-leaning Baltic nations won over battle to be the first to host the contest in
Europes hearts. And this made history for this region, in 2007. A few years on, with
two reasons. Not just being the first post- war a more distant memory and tourism and
communist entry to win, but the first (and, to EU membership spreading ever further to
date, only) black artist, Dave Benton, to win. the south-east, only little Montenegro and
So Estonia, a tiny country of just over one Macedonia have even bothered to enter the
million people took the prize. A country that contest in 2014. For the Balkans, Eurovision
had barely existed as a Republic before its as a cultural necessity is already over.
1991 liberation, this win gave their Russian
oppressors a massive poke in the eye.
Tallinn rejoiced, and showed the west that

the new Europeans could host an event
to rival anyones the following year. This
time, Estonias equally vibrant neighbours
Latvia won. Knocked back twice, Russia now
threw everything they could at the contest,
entering first red-hot global pop stars Tatu,
and then their biggest male singer, Dima
Bilan. Neither managed to win.
Instead it was Ukraine who became the

next eastern winners, in 2005. And not just
any-old Ukraine, but anti-Russian Orange
Revolution Ukraine. A few weeks after Viktor
Yushchenkos election, Kiev hosted its biggest
ever street parties. The capital was euphoric
Mother Russias Pride dared vote for their enemy at Eurovision to

explain to the government why they had
Russia finally got its win in 2008 in Belgrade. been unpatriotic. Add to this the growing
This time theyd really thrown the kitchen allegations that theyd been trying to buy
sink at it. You could call it winning by default. up votes, allegations that, when you look
Dima Bilan (again), with a Timbaland song, at voting patterns over the last years dont
accompanied by a famous violinist with a actually look very far-fetched, and you can
Stradivarius, and an appearance on stage see how seriously the Azeris took winning
by Olympic gold medal ice skater, Evgeny Eurovision. And how seriously they adhered
Pluschenko. Newly crowned president to other European norms such as democracy
Dmitry Medvedev rushed to congratulate the and fair play.
new national hero, but no-one else really
cared. Putin never forgave Ukraine for this This proxy war came to an end in 2010
indignation. And on this logic, we fear for when the petrodollars of Azerbaijan took the
Estonias territorial integrity too. crown. But did Eurovision help heal these old
wounds? Absolutely not, Armenia declined to
After Russia got its win, and the contest appear in Baku. They blamed their withdrawal
started to revert back to some normality, on the border shooting of an Armenian
youd think there was no more political soldier. Only to have to admit he was killed
drama left to play for. But there was one by another Armenia soldier, not anyone from
more big battle to be fought, right out on the Azerbaijan. Still, those petrodollars brought
edges of Europe. Armenia vs Azerbaijan. Two about Eurovision spending on a scale that had
countries who are, technically, still at war never been seen. Baku was transformed. A
with each other. whole region of the startlingly impressive city
was razed, and neighbourhoods displaced. To
With the fall of the Soviet Union in 1991, create a white elephant to rival Beijings Birds
internecine squabbles broke out all over the Nest Hall. Since May 2012 the Crystal Hall has
area. Some small; some serious. Stalins sat unused and unloved.
policy of messing up ethnic groups has had
a long-lasting effect. Armenia went to war But Azerbaijan found that not all publicity
with its neighbour over a disputed territory, is good publicity. Europes attention was
Nagorno-Karabakh. By the time a ceasefire drawn more to its human rights abuses
was brokered in 1994 more than 30,000 than its tourist potential a situation even
people had been killed and more than a the highly paid strong arm tactics of Freud
million displaced. Communications, acting on behalf of the
ruling Alievs couldnt halt. Its something
As you can imagine, beating the other side that has not gone unnoticed by the less
at Eurovision became an obsession for both progressive regimes of the region and, by
countries. In the late part of the last decade bringing themselves to the fore by winning,
Eurovision watchers became almost inured rumours of corruption and cheating are
to the millions spent on their campaigns continuing to dog the nation.
by both Armenia and Azerbaijan. Neither
side seemed to mind the bad publicity they So, with all the major local battles won
incurred over numerous incidents where and lost across the region, where now for
one countrys campaign belittled the other. Eurovision? Well, it finds itself at a bit of a
Azerbaijan summoned its citizens who crossroads. Viewing figures across the
continent are sky high. The semi-detached

UK even gets 9 million watching. More
than watch X Factor and Strictly. And in the
smaller nations, upwards of 90% of country
sit down to watch the Saturday show. Even
the much-derided music has made a huge
commercial impact. Since iTunes enabled
instant downloads Eurovision has created hit
after hit. Loreens 2012 winner Euphoria was
a Europe wide chart smash. As this years
entry for UK, Molly Smitten-Downs, told us,
even if only 1% of people watching take any
notice of you... thats a million people!
And yet in some way, the Eurovision

era is over. The political significance has
been superseded by real politics. With
EU membership won, or on the cards, TV
publicity is less important. You can sense
that Armenia and Belarus are still desperate
to win, but the game they are playing is just
catch up. The stakes are pretty low. Ukraine
and Russia may be playing on the same
stage this week but beyond the television
studio and bureaucratic platitudes of peace,
conflict comes ever closer.
For once Russia dont appear to have

spent any time on their contest entry. Then
again, when youve got actual countries to
invade, dance routines for the right boyband
probably dont feel like much of a priority.
Vladimir Putin might have lost the Eurovision
battle to his neighbour but hes likely to have
better luck in the real war. Maybe this will go
back to being a simple song contest again?
We hope not.
Molly Good Show

When Molly Smitten-Downes was declared our entrant for this years
Eurovision, the announcement was met with a resounding Who...? Yet this
previously-unknown singer-songwriter has presented us with one of the best
chances weve had in at least a decade. So we wanted to get to know her.
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Its been a long while since the BBC has taken
a punt on an up-and-coming singer-songwriter.
How did that all come about?
They approached BBC Introducing who had been putting
forward people they thought were alright, and I was one of
them. So obviously that was really flattering. I think theyd
been approaching other people, because they said to me
Would you be interested in hearing other peoples songs?
If I hadnt written the song, I wouldnt be doing it. I wasnt
interested in doing it as a singer. Im doing it very much
because its a songwriting competition.
Weve sent a lot of people who havent written

their own material, but our research shows
that the songs that do best are the ones
performed by their writers.
You know, I think thats true in general. I know theres a
lot of massive pop stars who are doing really well singing
other peoples songs but I happen to really believe in singer-
songwriters. And I feel like too much emphasis is sometimes
put on the showbiz side of it, and not enough on the lyrical
content. If you look at some of the greatest songwriters of our
time, theyre not always the best vocalists but they a quality
and because theyre singing about something they mean I
I just think that carries weight. Its something sort of stuff but the last few years I havent
I value. So even outside the competition Id really been engaged with it at all, if Im
like to think thats got an element of truth. honest. And I had such reservations about
being a part of it I guess in a sort of snobby
Our research showed us something way, really. I hate to admit it but I was kind
else. Your song sounds and do of thinking that it didnt have much credibility.
correct us if this is wrong as Then, when they were interested in me as
if its in Eb minor. a songwriter, I realised that it was up to me
God, Ive not worked it out but that sounds what I chose to submit and I just had to
very likely. make sure that I would submit a song I was
really happy with. Who knows if anyone else
We found that D minor is the is going to like it.
most successful key. Yours is
incredibly close to that. Was In a sense youve been quite
that a deliberate choice? unlucky, because this is quite
Oh, wow. You really are getting nerdy. I a strong year. Last year, youd
feel like I should have written out my score have walked it, but theres some
before this interview. real quality in there this year.
To be honest, people keep asking me what
So, not deliberate then? Im going to do if I dont win and Im not
No. really thinking about it because it feels like a
personal achievement. All those people will
Have you been listening to many hear my song and even if only one percent
of the other songs? of the audience like it, thats still a million
Yeah. At first I wasnt. People were saying people.
Dont listen to the other entries. Itll just
distract you. But then it felt a little bit rude, Whats happening when you get
because I was meeting all of these people back? Do you have any plans for
and having to tell them that I hadnt actually the summer?
heard their songs, and it made me look like Well, Ive just signed an album deal which
a twat. So I had a listen. Theres some really is a dream come true so weve been
good songs. Im really impressed with the recording with an orchestra for that which
calibre of music thats in the competition. has been amazing. In the summer Ill have
single two, and single three after the summer,
Any particular favourites? so its probably going to be non-stop from
Norway, Silent Storm is a really good one, I now.
think. Armenia is obviously a favourite and
its wicked. Spain, Ruth Lorenzo, shes got And this might sound like a silly
a wicked voice. That French entry is really question, but are you looking
good fun. forward to it all?
Yeah. Im really happy at the minute. I bet
Was Eurovision something youd that sounds smug. But I really am.
watched much before?
Yes and no. I mean, its a bit of a tradition
in the UK, isnt it? When I was younger I
remember watching it Gina G and all that
Bloggers Choice
Though the UK has stopped staging national heats, the Song For Europe
strand of programming is still big in the rest of the continent. Most of it
is only of interest to the most dedicated of Eurovision fans, but there are
the occasional gems that are deserving of a much wider audience. Here are
some of 2014s.
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Oliver Rau, Aufrechtgehn - LATVIA
Cake to Bake is a cute and lightweight, yet philosophical singalong
ditty about overcoming the fear of asking for help. In a year filled to
the brim with dark, melancholic ballads, the songs heartwarmingly
innocent jolliness and church convention quality might just do the
trick.
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Ewan Spence, ESC Insight - ESTONIA
Amazing has something that every song needs - a horribly
annoying hook in the lyrics that your brain refuses to let you forget,
even if you hate it. Its memorable, it will stir memories at the
reprise, and in a contest full of rippling torsos and eye candy for the
clichd Eurovision fan, Tanja is something for the Dads.
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Nick Deller, OnEurope - UKRAINE
Im generally looking for three things in a winner: an above
average song with not much competition in its genre, an arresting
stage presentation that you cant take your eyes off for a second,
and this is a dirty little secret known only to the entire world a
country that Europe is feeling somewhat well-disposed towards.
Ticking all my boxes for 2014 is Ukraine, innocuously tucked in
behind a set of market leaders that are predominantly slow and a
bit grim. Expect rock-solid Top 5 at minimum!
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Andy Mikheev, ESCKaz - MOLDOVA
A lot of people underestimated Zlata Ognevich last year, and she
finished in a strong third place. Cristina has the same or even better
vocal capabilities and she is working really hard on getting her act
together as well. So this is one of the contenders for top places in
Copenhagen.
Schlager Boys, Schlagerblog - PORTUGAL

It sounds like a Steps B-side, it has camp dancers banging giant
drums and a bloke with his top off gyrating his bongos next to Suzy.
She looks fab, uses a wind machine, and has fab schlager wind-
machine hair. Most importantly the song has a key change. In the
right place. Its going to stand out a mile considering all the dull and
earnest ballads surrounding it this year, and romp home to victory!
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Phil Colclough, OnEurope - MALTA
Although more lemongrass than bluegrass, it has slightly fragrant
notes of rockabilly country mixed with a half-decent old-fashioned
Eurovision builder. The Juries who will see this song as modern
chart fodder that should get their juices flowing, while real punters
will like it because it just sounds nice. Mix the two together and you
have a pungent cocktail that will knock your socks off and rocket up
the scoreboard.
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William Lee Adams, WiWiBloggs - ISRAEL
In a sea of aspiring pop stars, Israels Mei Finegold is one of
the few artists. Her song Same Heart channels anger but isnt
angry. In Meis deft hands we see how frustration can lead to
empowerment, and how the victim can become the victor. Its a
fierce breakup song that screams, emancipated female. Shalom,
and work it!
////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Garrett Mullhall, Eurovision Ireland
- AUSTRIA
For once the Wurst song at Eurovision is a compliment! A sassy
Bassey belter of a Bond song is set to Rise Like a Phoenix and
resurrect the fortunes of Austria at this years contest. A voice Dion
would kill for these days, a figure every Kardashian would pay for,
a dress collection Posh Spice would certainly give a zigga zig ahhhh
for and a 5oclock shadow that Pitt and Clooney could only wish
they had! The voice, the talent, the dress and the beard - Conchita
Wurst and Austria are the full package this year at Eurovision.
Emma Backfish, ESCxtra - FINLAND

Finlands Softengine are a young band who have sent, quite
possibly, the most pop radio friendly song to Eurovision this year.
Something Better might be able to rise above those being touted
to win and live up to its title on the 10th of May, due to its catchy
sound and the bands fresh look.
////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Hacksaw, Eurovision Apocalypse -
GREECE
In years where theres no obvious favourite, the contest is usually
won by a sweet old timer or a dumb fun pop song. And as theres
no delightful old duffer in sight, theres nothing dumber and funner
than this one. The juries will hate it, but the punter love might just
drag it through.
////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Gavin Lambert, ESC Tips - UK
We expected Vera Lynn, or some other relic to be dusted down
and wheeled out of the BBCs broom cupboard. In Molly Smitten-
Downes, the UK has a current and relevant artist that should
appeal to Eurovisions main voting demographic. This is the UKs
best chance of winning for over a decade and Eurovisions 60th
anniversary has London calling!
////////////////////////////////////////////////////

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Semi Final 1 Semi Final 2 The Big Six Stats/Stories

Statistics ...................... 41-51

Stories ......................... 52-60

Bloggers Choice ................ 61-63

Albania .........9 SF1 Lithuania ........26 SF2

Sounds Like Something youd find on a DJ Shadow mixtape

Key F# major (Pretty bad: F# is often a losing key; major is a disaster)

Sounds Like An over-friendly exchange student, let loose with a guitar at

Sounds Like Lady Gaga

Other Notes Tanja is Russian-Estonian, born in Kaliningrad. It often helps to have

Sounds Like Celine Dion, moving into radio-friendly ballads

Key F (Moves between F major and F minor; an unusual technique)

Sounds Like A Seal B-side, sung by Shakira

Sounds Like Almost every Eurovision song youve ever imagined

Key B minor (Mixed: minor is good, but B is in the losing range)

The song was written by Swedes - including Stefan rn (who wrote

Sounds Like Maroon 5. But good Maroon 5.

Key E minor (Good: a very solid key to perform in)

Sounds Like Russell Watson

Sounds Like Early Muse, covered by latter day Muse

Key G minor (Good: G has spawned some winners; minor is good)

Sounds Like Something your mum likes on Radio 2

Other Notes Bankrolled by German veteran songwriter, Ralf Seigel - rumoured to

Key Tricky (Could be E Major, C#minor or A Major - all are bad)

Sounds Like The Lambada

Other Notes If youre particularly into cruise ship entertainers, or feeling

Sounds Like Rilo Kiley covering Every Breath You Take

The lyrical allusion to storms is good. Weirdly, turbulent weather

Key Eb Major (Bad: Eb isnt great, but major is a big problem)

Sadly this isnt in the same league. Another bog-break beckons

Sounds Like Baby D

Key B minor (Mixed: B is the tonal wilderness; minor is solid though)

Sounds Like A drag Pink impersonator

Key F# minor (Good: F# is a bit iffy, but minor is good)

Other Notes Storms are excellent to reference in lyrics references to thunder

Key E Major (Bad: major keys are the concrete boots of E)

Sounds Like Government subsidised art music

Sounds Like Touches of Gwen Stefanis Hollaback Girl

Key D minor (Perfect)

Sounds Like A classic Bond theme

Key C# minor (Mixed: C# isnt great, but minor is a solid choice)

Sounds Like The RoMo revival of 1997

This song doesnt resolve. Its a trick that is on the rise at

Key C# minor (Not great: C# is problematic, but the minor is important)

Sounds Like Robin Thicke

Sounds Like Another Pink soundalike

Key E minor (Good: strong key; minor, as ever, is great)

Sounds Like Roger Whittaker guesting on a Dexys Midnight Runners track

Sounds Like Sam and the Womp; Yolanda Be Cool

RiskyKidd is actually called Shane. He has a German father, a

Sounds Like A Slovenian Corrs

Key A Major (Bad: really pretty terrible, truthfully)

Sounds Like Swedish House Mafia

Key Eb Major (Pretty bad: Eb has no winners, major is bad)

Sounds Like Bruno Mars

Key Bb minor (Mixed: Bb not ideal; minor is good)

Sounds Like LMFAO

Key G minor (Good)

Sounds Like A Bavarian Adele

Key A minor (Mixed: minor is good, A is a key for losers)

Sounds Like Republica

Other Notes Emma is a multiple platinum seller in Italy, winning a series of

Key C Major (Bad: C is dreadful, major is dreadful)