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2016 THE LOVE RESET by Carla Lynne Hall http://DatingRelating.
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Acknowledgements
CharLena and Hans Pearson-Fulcher, Marcia Wyche, Rebecca MC Butterfly Vaughns,
Ivy Anderson, Jonathan Holman, Jenine and Julia Holmes, Chrissy Michaels,
Jaison Greene, Carmen Kelly, Dorothy Bishop, Elitia Mattox, Rukiya Jamison,
Rebecca Vaughns, Katelyn Richards, Dave LHeureaux, Karen Hudson,
Ed & Greta Tristram, Melissa Spain, Andrew Hand, Michael and Denise Giangrosso,
Larry Klein, Larry Kaplan, Sheria Stallings-Johnson, Ariel Hyatt, Bob Baker,
Madlyn Sklar, Curtis Becraft Schmidt, Lynn Becraft, and The Schmidt Family,
The Goddesstock, Marley's Angels and Luna Fams, Anna Dagmar, John, and Eloise
Johnson, Jim Keyes, Eric Vetter, Gordon Balkcom, Regena "Mama Gena"
Thomashauer, Katarina Phang, Kimra Luna, Robin Cockrell, Lori Pinkerton,
Lesley Stevens, Joan Adams, Feminine Magnetism Facebook Group, The Love Reset
Virtual Book Club Facebook Group, Unity of New York, Tym Moss, Rev. Paul
Tenaglia, Rev. Shawn Moninger, Louis Olivieri, Britt Hall, Gha'il Rhodes Benjamin,
Annie P. Jones, my parents, Ella Mae Hall Woolfolk and Carl S. Hall, godmother, Ada
Pearl Barnes, aunt, Alison B. Smith, Geno Talerico, Rich Lamb, Jay Abraham,
Pat OConnell, Danny Noy, Tom Paul, Pajama Affiliates Facebook Group, Michele,
Imani and Makeda Andwele, Rabin Nixon, Anna Itty, Kaylyn Keane, Ron Dizon, Robin
Divine, aunt Althea Hall, Wendell Hall, Shirley Hall Miller, Brenda Hall Winfrey, MaryAnn
Sekely, Dale Carnegie, Dr. Joyce Brothers, Helen Gurley Brown, Self-Employment
Assistance Program (SEAP), New York State Department of Labor, and Oprah Winfrey.
The Love Reset by Carla Lynne Hall

Moxie Maven Publishing
New York, NY 10032
Copyright 2016 by Carla Lynne Hall

All rights reserved,
including the right of reproduction
in whole or in part in any form
2016 THE LOVE RESET by Carla Lynne Hall http://DatingRelating.com 2

Table of Contents
Acknowledgements ................................................................. 2
Stop Me If Youve Heard This One Before ................................. 4
GODDESS SECRETS OF LOVE ................................................. 13
YOU Are A GODDESS, and Dont You Ever Forget It! .................. 26
A MAN IS NOT A HAIRY WOMAN ............................................ 33
INTRODUCING THE LOVE RESET ........................................ 49
LOVE RESET TACTICS ........................................................... 72
Shake It Off - The Emergency Reset! ........................................ 80
THE LOVE RESET Starting NOW!........................................ 81
Create a LOVE RESET Vortex! ................................................. 83
A Word On Closure ................................................................ 88
Lean Back List of Activities ..................................................... 89
Glossary .............................................................................. 91
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) ......................................... 94
READING AND RESOURCE LIST.............................................. 99
READING AND RESOURCE LIST - Continued............................100
BIBLIOGRAPHY ...................................................................101
Review and Feedback Requests ..............................................104
Share THE LOVE RESET on Social Media! ................................105

Stop Me If Youve Heard This One Before
When the student is ready, the teacher appears. Proverb
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year, I thought we were

happy, and all of a sudden he wants his space
I met this great guy and right after we slept together the first time, he
disappeared
We just got back from the most romantic vacation, and now I can barely
get him on the phone
I have texted him 5 times already, and he wont text me back. But I can
see him posting on Facebook
He used to text me all the time, and now he only texts once a day (week,
etc)
Have you had a Moment of Truth when you admitted to yourself that
your love life just isnt working right now? Has your man disappointed you
one too many times? Has your mother or best friend been hinting (or flat
out telling you) that you could do better? Are you tired of everyone else
around you getting engaged and moving on with their life?
Fortunately, this book has answers for you. Some of them may make
immediate sense, while others may require some time to sink in.
Regardless, I wrote this book to offer some solutions. So if what youve
been doing isnt working, how about trying something else? It may be the
right time for your LOVE RESET!
You May Need A LOVE RESET if:
You havent heard from your guy in a while (two hours, two,
weeks, two months, etc.) and its driving you crazy
You believe that you have to hear from THIS man or else!
Hes the only man youre dating, and youre not exclusive (or
boyfriend/girlfriend)
Youre in a dating rut
Men are getting on your nerves
You just had a fight (or break-up) with your guy
You caught yourself pursuing a guy, and want to chill out
You dont feel grounded and centered
You hate being without a man in your life
Youre feeling jealous, and/or territorial
Youre annoyed that he hasnt texted you back, yet you know
hes on Facebook
Youve decided to do No Contact
Youre in an relationship where things seem uncertain,

Who Am I?
My name is Carla Lynne Hall. I have been a researcher of love, attraction,
seduction, and relationships for over 30 years.
I believe Im uniquely qualified to talk about the art and science of romantic
attraction because I have made it my mission to study and understand how
men and women are attracted to each other.
As of this writing, have interviewed and coached thousands of women

about relationships for over 10 years. Over my time in both the field
(helping women with their relationship issues) and in the laboratory
(studying the most recent and relevant psychology studies), I began to see
an underlying pattern in the man/woman mating dance. I started to
understand what works and what doesnt when it comes to male/female
relationship dynamics.
Most recently, I am a group moderator for Katarina Phangs Secret

Feminine Magnetism Group on Facebook, in which Ive been a member for
over 3 years. I joined after purchasing her book Hes Really That Into You,
Hes Just Not Ready. So yes, Im not just a moderator, Im a member, there
to improve my own relationships as well.
As a group moderator, I have a unique perspective about relationships after

witnessing all kinds of breakdowns and breakthroughs in this 2800+
member group over the years,

On a personal level, I have also enjoyed real-life romantic experience of my
own, having been married, divorced, and enjoyed my share of boyfriends,
live-in lovers, and all kinds of relationships in between. I come from a long
line of naturally seductive women with much experience attracting men
long into old age, and the only times that we are without a mate are when
have made the decision to be alone. Having said all of that, Im the first to
admit that Ive had my share of man troubles too, which also feeds my
desire to learn. So I guess you could call me a lay expert (pun intended).
We often learn through example, so Ive included real-life case studies of

women who have demonstrated the principles of attraction through their
breakthroughs (as well as their breakdowns). Their names have been
changed to respect their privacy, and I am grateful that they have allowed
me to share their stories. You may also see yourself in some of these
stories, and realize that we are all more alike than we are different. It is my
hope that their success stories will inspire your own.
Reflecting on my years of experience and study, Ive learned that while

each person is unique in their own desires, habits, and romantic styles,
certain patterns of human behavior exist. I saw things that women did that
drew men to them like bees to honey. And, most importantly, I saw things
that you (the woman) can do to shift your energy so that you are once
again in attraction mode.

Why I Had To Write A Book
I had originally started writing this book on January 2, 2015, but I got stuck
a couple of times over the course of the year. As one of the group
moderators of Katarina Phangs dating forum (Katarina is the author of Hes
Really Into You, Hes Just Not Ready), I wanted to make sure that my work
didnt infringe upon hers. Another time I got stalled when I first became a
dating blogger, and had to come out publically. And even after I started
blogging on my new blog at DatingRelating.com, I still wasnt sure of the
books direction. But during the month of December 2015, something
interesting happened.
In the Fall of 2015, I had blogged about Cuffing Season, the time of the
year when singles like to do a lot of indoor dating. You know, its cold
outside, and you just want to have an indoor boo to have unlimited Netflix
and Chill nights while its cold outside.
I had also blogged about the rules about hooking up with someone during
Cuffing Season, and not let the cuddle hormone Oxytocin blind them to a
possible farewell with your indoor boo once the weather starts to get warm
again (Break Up Season starts around St. Patricks Day).
I had also written briefly that Cuffing Season also included long-term
couples getting engaged at that time. I had even quoted CharLena Peason
Fulcher, author of New York City Budget Weddings: Elegant and

Affordable: Creating Your NYC Wedding for Less Than $15,000 saying that
most engagements happen during Cuffing Season, which is Thanksgiving
through Valentines Day. So I like to think that I knew that engagements
would be announced.
What I wasnt prepared for, though, was the effect of the engagement
announcements on the women on the other women in the group.
The group had hit some kind of critical mass this year, and engagements
were happening almost weekly. One woman even got engaged twice to two
different men. Something in the group had shifted, and success stories
were plentiful. At the same time, there were a lot of breakups happening.
And a lot of women who were in complicated relationships, sometimes
called situationships were feeling mighty triggered by the good news.
For Cuffing Season of 2015, Kats group saw 7 engagements in

November, and 9 engagements in December. This totaled a whopping 49
wedding proposals in one year in our group of 2800+ women.
At the time, I was actively focusing on my other blog, How to Write Blogs
for Money. I was leaning back from the dating group, but in observation
mode in case a situation needed my attention. But since the group
notifications were coming through at a hyperactive rate, I was aware of the
intense levels of emotion being expressed. I even remember thinking, I

wish these ladies could calm down a bit so I can come up with an idea for a
product! Ha!
Now that Katarinas group had my full attention again, I realized that there
was a distinct PATTERN at work one that Ive experienced and witnessed
hundreds of times! I just never had a name for it!!! In the women who found
committed relationships after being in the group, I discovered the method
to the madness, and named it The Love Reset. It felt like the missing
piece of the puzzle for my book. I was so stoked I immediately wrote TWO
guest articles on Kats Man Whisperer Blog.
While an engagement ring might not sound like much to some, for me,
each engagement ring symbolizes a womans TRANSFORMATION. As I
like to say, Only when youve seen the BEFORE, can you fully appreciate
the AFTER. Most women join the group because they are anxious about a
particular man. So a womans engagement means that the woman has
learned how to re-focus on her own well-being, which prepared her for the
relationship that she is seeking.
In other words, each transformed woman had a LOVE RESET.
From time to time, we all need a reset to find our groove again. Ive had a
healthy share of difficulties and challenges in my life, and Im proud to call
myself The Reset Queen. My eBook is about helping women reset
themselves, so they can have they want: a fulfilling romantic relationship.
This book owes a huge debt of gratitude to my colleague and mentor
Katarina Phang and her Feminine Magnetism coaching group of over 2900
from women all over the world. As I consider myself more of a Love
Researcher, than a love coach, I have benefitted from being a member
and moderator of this online group.
For one thing, it is totally fascinating to learn firsthand how women of

numerous nationalities and cultures behave in their relationships (again -
we are more alike than we are different)! I was invited to join this free (and
secret!) coaching group on Facebook after purchasing her fascinating
eBook, Hes That Into You, Hes Just Not Ready.
This group has been a wonderful real-life laboratory of women who have
made significant breakthroughs in their love lives, and I continue to learn
from them every day.
At the end of this book is a Reading and Resource List that you can check
out if you, like me, enjoy immersing yourself in the world of attraction and
relationships. Every book that I mention over the course of these pages is
listed in the back, with a convenient link to get more information about it. I
have studied each of these books no less than 10-20 times each, and they
have all fueled my thirst for knowledge. Most of these books have been
published in recent years, but if a book happens to be out of print, please
check your local library or Amazon.com to find an old copy.

When I was 11, I read my first self-help book, How to Win Friends and
Influence People by Dale Carnegie. And Ill be honest, the main reason I
even checked out that book from my junior high school library was because
I wanted to meet boys. I learned quickly that for just about every
relationship situation, someone has written a book about it. In other words,
the instruction manual that youve been seeking exists!
My book is all about how to be a feminine magnet. if youre ready for real
love, lets get started!

GODDESS SECRETS OF LOVE
Goddess Secret #1:
A Woman Is The SELECTOR, Not The Pursuer
Since the dawn of time, the females of the species have been the prize, to
be wooed, to be won.
In the years before the 1960s when the Equal Rights Movement in the
United States began, women dated multiple men platonically before
deciding on one who she would eventually marry. Back in those days, a
woman was often a virgin when she got married.
Since women now have many of the same rights as men, women now feel
empowered to pursue men, ask them out, and even propose to them.
Sexual freedom can bring many joys for women, along with laziness from
men.
In my experience, regardless of man-made laws, biology usually wins out.

When a woman forgets that she is the prize, and begins to pursue a man
for a romantic relationship, she places him on a pedestal. Putting a man on
a pedestal inevitably leads to the woman doing all of the work in a
relationship. And leads to the man pulling away, and asking for space,
yadda, yadda, yadda. Either way, the woman ends up unhappy.

To win at the game of love is to choose from the suitors who are
magnetized to YOU. Putting forth a lot of energy to get a guy is a waste of
your feminine power.
I dont care if you believe me or not. Try your own experiments pursuing a
man, and let me know how it works out.
Goddess Secret #2:
A Man Is NOT A HAIRY WOMAN
Men and women may both be human, but they are quite different in how
they see the world. Men do not fall in love the same way as women do, nor
do they react in the same ways once they become attracted to a mate.
For men, having sex does not automatically mean that you are in a
relationship, that he is monogamous, that he is your boyfriend, or even that
he wants to see you again. This doesnt mean that he cant become your
boyfriend later, only that sex doesnt make a man fall in love.
Women are sometimes frustrated when their guy does not respond to
romantic holidays, such as birthdays, Valentines Day and New Years Eve.
They are also frustrated when they feel that a man isnt paying attention to

every single thought and feeling that they want to share.
Many of these frustrations reflect some womens expectations that a man

who is in love will: suddenly become romantic, enjoy planning Valentines
Day dates, enjoy taking her shoe shopping, and listen attentively to every
story she has to tell.
Basically, some women expect men to behave like women. The thing to
remember is that a man is a man, and is made up of a different secret
sauce that women are made from. For some of your needs, a girlfriend
will be the better choice.
This truth is a good thing. As frustrating as men can be at times, they are
also awesome just as they are, and its this difference between men and
women that makes life interesting!
Goddess Secret #3:
Men LOVE The Thrill Of The Chase.
If you can accept that a man is not a woman, the next step is to understand
that a man likes to do the chasing when it comes to a relationship.
ACCEPT this fact, and give your man the hunt of his life!

What makes the chase so exciting for a man is that the woman in question
is not yet captured. She may be focused on her career, her volunteer
projects, the other guys she is dating, etc.
Whats most important is that she is NOT focused on him.
And THAT is what drives a man crazy.
When a man is interested in a woman who appears less interested in him,

he will do whatever he can to change her mind.
Even when a man is crazy about a woman, he never wants to win her that
easily. A man wants to feel like hes had to do some work in order to
appreciate his prize. When youre a woman with an active social or dating
life, a man learns that you will not always be available. This actually works
in your favor!
Its human nature to want what we cant have, and an interested man will
call, text, and create all kinds of attractive offers to a woman before he
finally gives up on her.
When a man is interested, he will be willing to ask you out again if you say
no. And when you think about it, do you really want to date someone who

isnt willing to put in some effort for your time? Arent you worth it?
So is there ever a time when you can finally relax and let yourself go?
While you cant expect to maintain the intensity of a first date twenty years
later, its important to keep yourself interesting and attractive. Looking good
does wonders for your mood and self-esteem, and your man will appreciate
that youre keeping yourself up. But never let him believe that he has
you100%. Maintain some mystery throughout your relationship.
As my grandmother always said: He chases her, until she catches him!
Goddess Secret #4:
A Woman Who Is Cool, Feminine And Mysterious

Gives Off A Goddess Glow Which Keeps A Man
Magnetized To Her
For thousands of years, women have attracted men using their mysterious,
feminine wiles. What does that mean, exactly?
First things first, it has nothing to do with looks. Of course, men are visual
creatures, but an attractive woman is one who has attractive energy. If a
woman looks like a model, but is bitchy, jealous and constantly in need of

her mans attention, he will not stay around.
A woman who is happy, attractive and confident gives off a Goddess

Glow which attracts men like bees to honey. The late Dr.Victor Baranco of
More University referred to a womans Goddess Glow as Turn On, which
was defined as a womans ability to arouse feelings of sexual and sensual
desire.
Interestingly enough, the late Dr. Baranco insisted that only women were
capable of Turn On. He believed that a woman could turn on a man, or
another woman, but men did not have this same capability.
A woman who is Turned On is highly attractive. She is able to motivate

men and women in this state of being. Turn on comes from a womans
enthusiasm for life and for pleasurable experiences, so women who
deliberately dive into pleasure have the power to create their own Goddess
Glow.
On the contrary, a woman who is needy and clingy gives off an invisible
repellant, similar to a skunk, which repels men. This needy vibe is what I
call Skunking. As long as a woman is complaining about her man not
doing X, Y, or Z, the longer it will take for the man to come around. I should
also add that skunking will eventually repel your female friends too, so keep
the wallowing to a minimum.

So if your man is off doing his thing, it doesnt mean that he doesnt care
about you, or that he wants to break up with you. He is just being a guy.
By the way, having a Goddess Glow doesnt prevent a man from pulling
away. It just means that youre still thriving while hes gone. Since your
Goddess Glow is generated from within, it does not need to be affected by
the presence of a man in your life.
So if you feel like your love life is stuck, or that your man isnt as attentive
as he has been, or that youve been a little too available, it may be a sign to
reset your Goddess Glow! Go turn yourself on!
Goddess Secret #5:
A Man Who Is Magnetized To A Woman

Will Keep Coming Back
A man who is magnetized to you is attracted to you, and will pursue you.
He is compelled to be with you.
If you are seeking to be married, or to start a family, select a man who is

magnetized to you. You cant turn a Bad Boy into a Husband.

A woman often doesnt understand how much power she has with a man,
and how her man responds to her behavior. We can easily point to a mans
behavior, but not pay attention to what we did right before that to inspire his
response.
Nagging, complaining, crying, bitching, tantrums, silent treatment, etc. are

behaviors that are seen as negative by men, especially when they happen
often.
Once a woman magnetizes a man, as long as she stays cool and

confident, the man will continue to return to her side until she shuts him
down. That happens when she is overly negative and no fun to be around.
You dont have to be super happy all the time, but when a man enjoys your
company, he can be surprisingly forgiving.
So while men love to go off and enjoy their adventures, they will happily
come back after theyve had a chance to miss you.
So let your man miss you.

Goddess Secret #6:
When You Feel Your Powers Of Attraction Slipping,

You Can RESET Your Goddess Glow!
If you are worried because you havent had a date, or heard from your guy
in a while (or he has asked for space!), this means that youre in need of a
LOVE RESET.
The fact that youre focused on your man situation means that youre not
focused enough on yourself.
When youre single, you do whatever you want without asking for opinions
or permission. Youre not concerned about a mans reactions, and this
independence and self-confidence is attractive and sexy to a man.
After bonding with a man, its natural to want to spend your free time with
him, and talk to him every day. After youve been together a while, its also
natural to get comfortable, and not always act or dress like youre going on
your first date.

But over time, its possible to get into a comfortable rut, so youll need to
shake things up with a LOVE RESET. This is how you turn YOURSELF on
(which will also pull him back into your orbit)!
Goddess Secret #7:
Feminine Mystery is a SUPERPOWER!
Can we talk a second about MYSTERY???
With all of the breakthroughs in technology, it is way too easy to stay in

constant contact with the guy youre attracted to.
You can call, text, fax, Skype, FaceTime, have a Google Hangout, etc, and
give moment-by-moment, play-by-play details of your every move, but
WHY????
Its important to have a life of your own that has nothing to do with a man.
To have a life that lights you up from within because its all about your Life
Purpose.
Leave spaces in your closeness so that a man can come to you. Giving a
man the chance to miss you, and wonder what youre up to raises your
value.

You dont need to tell every juicy secret about yourself. As my Polish
neighbor says, Only show a man half your ass!
Goddess Secret #7:
Dating is DANCE, not a RACE!
Success in any endeavor, not just love, NEVER happens in a straight line.
There will always be a Take three steps forward, take one step back kind
of movement, so its important to be patient during the process.
If you find yourself feeling needy and checking on your man when he pulls
away, you actually disrupt his intimacy cycle. When you allow him to have
time to himself, as soon as hes satisfied his need for independence, he will
happily bounce back to you just like a rubber band!
Throughout the course of your relationship, your man will pull away every
so often for himself. Depending on the man, and the nature of your
relationship, he could go missing anywhere from an hour to two months.
When you understand a mans need for freedom, you will be able to
anticipate these changes and act (or respond) accordingly, which is to let
him have his uninterrupted time.
As long as you remain magnetic and mysterious, a man will keep this
mating dance going until he decides to settle down (or you decide that you
want someone else).
Goddess Secret #8:
There is Power in Pleasure
In Freudian psychoanalysis,
"The Pleasure Principle" is the instinctual seeking of pleasure and avoiding

of pain in order to satisfy biological and psychological needs.
Frankly, that principle is boring, and not the real pleasure principle that I
want to talk about.
"Carla's Pleasure Principle" or

"Carla's Corollary to The Pleasure Principle"
The more pleasure in your life, the more pleasure you will get.
And the opposite is also true
The more crap you choose in your life, the more crap you will get.

Goddess Secret # 9:
There is Power in Sisterhood

Women are magical beings. We have the powers of CREATION in our
bodies. We have the power of BEAUTY. We are sexually ATTRACTIVE.
We have the gift of INTUITION. We also have the gift of EMOTIONS.
These are the gifts of being a woman.
When a group of like-minded women get together, that feminine power is

amplified. Theres nothing like it. Theres a certain estrogen-based,
emotional mojo thing that happens when women get together as a group
seeking to manifest change in their lives.
Notice that I wrote like-minded. The energy that gets amplified can be
positive or negative, so be sure to choose your traveling mates carefully.
Whether its a book club, prayer group, or mastermind meeting, women-

only groups have a way of making magic happen.

YOU Are A GODDESS, and
Dont You Ever Forget It!
When you forget what youre worth, you lose what you deserve. Carla Lynne Hall
A lot of writers sling around the word GODDESS without really explaining
what it is. Because of that, too many women find it hard to believe that they
could ever be a goddess. Or they believe that a GODDESS is somehow
always happy all unicorns and rainbows all the time.
Well let me take a moment to add my two cents on the subject.
Thousands of years ago, before Christianity and other patriarchal religions

came to be, prehistoric peoples were believed to worship a woman. Yes,
people used to worship a Great Goddess. The logic was that a woman
gave birth to children, and that a woman could also feed a child with the
milk that is naturally produced by her body. So to be a woman PERIOD -
was to be considered POWERFUL. How cool is that?
Some women may have forgotten their power, but I am here to remind you.
As a woman, we not only have the ability to give birth, but we have intuition
and natural spirituality. We can nurture and multi-task. Lets face it, we got
it going on!
So WHAT is a Goddess? EVERY woman is a GODDESS.

Regardless of your status, income, mood, weight, looks, etc, YOU are a
Goddess. To be born a woman is a special birthright. We have a power and
inner light that lasts throughout our lives. Some women work so hard to
prove that they can do what men do, while women were created to do what
men cant do.
Sure, I can now fight for my country, and work in construction, but I have
yet to see a man give birth or feed a child from his own breasts. Until that
happens naturally, women will continue to be magic and mystery just by
being in the room. So honor yourself and your natural gifts.
You already have everything you need to attract a man, or reach your
professional goals. You might just need a Reset to clear your mind, and get
you back on the right track. If you are ever in the place of feeling less
than, please remember that the feeling will eventually pass. Our darker
feelings will take as long as they take to process, but everything passes in
time.
A man is attracted to you for many reasons, many of which he may never
even tell you about, and he was willing to work to get you in the first place.
So you must always remember that your essence, your time and attention
is valuable, and you shouldnt give it away to a man who is, or has become,
lukewarm in his affections. So for the rest of your relationship, in order to
keep a man magnetized to you, you need to remember your worth and act
accordingly.

Many women are afraid of losing their guys interest. I get it. You love your
man, and want him to stay around. But men who are attracted to a woman
will do just about anything to get the woman they want. This is why we
hear of songs about men wanting to climb the highest mountain and swim
the deepest ocean in order to win a womans love.
Women often fear that if they turn down an offer from their man, or demand
his respect that they will lose his interest, and he will leave. This is not true.
In fact, the woman who knows her value is also the woman that a man
cant get enough of. A man will value a womans sense of worth and
respect her even more. Men really enjoy putting the work in, even if they
grumble about it. Men see a woman they have to work for as a woman with
a higher value than the woman who serves herself up on a platter for him.
We Teach Others How To Treat Us

In case you need a reminder, self-love means putting yourself first at all
times. This doesnt mean being a selfish bitch, just remembering your own
needs. As my godmother likes to say: Always remember others, but never
forget yourself.
This is always a good reminder to be as kind to yourself as you are to

others. As women are usually caretakers for the relationships and families,
its easy to put our own needs last. But by giving more to others than we
give to ourselves, only sets up the dynamic in which we find ourselves
over-doing and over-invested. This is when we feel that our needs are not
met. We feel taken for granted, and we are the ones who are resentful.

The truth is: We teach others how to treat us. We teach them in how we
treat ourselves, as well as how we allow ourselves to be treated. So its
better to take care of ourselves first before worrying about how someone
else will react. Just like the plane safety instructions always tell you to put
on your oxygen mask first before helping someone else with theirs!
The Mating Dance and The Animal Kingdom

Now while humans have evolved much since the dawn of time, the male
and female roles in the animal kingdom have never changed. With few
exceptions, it is the male who pursues the female.
In The Goddess Guide to Love: Timeless Secrets to Divine Romance,

Margie Lapajna writes:
A goddess never pursues an inattentive lover. She knows her role is

simply to attract, choose, and love. If you feel tempted to chase (i.e.
convince, coerce, or manipulate for attention) a particular person, he is not
the lover the universe intended for you. This is not to say that you cannot
entice a paramour with your wit and beauty,, bake him a seductively potent
apple pie, or entertain him sumptuously with delightful love letters. But if
your intuition (or a goddess friend) is waving a red flag telling you are in
pursuit, freeze.

Take a deep breath and a cosmic cue from nature consider the birds and
the beasts. It is a rare species on earth where the female resorts to any
effort to procure the mating rights of a male (except perhaps the black
widow and praying mantis, both of which consume their mates after
copulation). Oh, no. Even a female frog does not pursue the male frog. So
why would you?
Remember what you learned in grade school. The male of the species is
more colorful and physically attractive so that he enjoys an advantage in
securing the females attention. He must use valuable energy to defend his
territory against other potential loverboys, and then display himself, hoping
to be chosen. The females role is to observe these goings-on and choose
the male that she desires who exudes the greatest potential as protector
and provider (and, of course, before another female does so). Fini. She has
the power of wise and timely choice; he doesnt. He pursues ardently; she
does not expend her precious energy on trailing males. This is a divine law
of nature, so take heed.
By the way, the original concept of the "Alpha Male" comes from the animal
kingdom, in that there can only be ONE top male in a pack of wolves.
When a female is ready to mate, a male will attack other males in order to
be selected by the female. The more beta males will give up.

When you see human males in groups, they will often jockey for position,
and use various tactics to show that they are the "top dog" in a given
situation. You probably see this every day at work and play. And this
applies to dating, as a man magnetized to you will want to get rid of his
competition to be the Alpha Man in your life.
Now with HUMAN males, some men like to compete for the sake of being
top dog, even if they're not ready to claim a woman, so leaning back gives
you the opportunity to see who is all talk, but no action (all bark, but no
bite).
Remember, we humans are also in the animal kingdom, and we do well to

remember that in most animal species, a female does not pursue, but
selects from a FEW suitors.
The only females who pursue males are the ones like the black widow
spider who devours a mate's head after she mates with him.
Something to think about when you consider leaning forward to pursue a

man!
Walk Away Power

The key to keeping a man interested is to never allow him to believe that he
has you 100%. Your man needs to understand that you are not wrapped
around his finger. When a man believes that he has won you over
completely, and that youll always be around, is when he begins to take you
for granted.

When a woman is unpredictable in her affections, a man understands that
you require some work to keep you around and the man will put in the
effort to keep you attracted to him.
As the feminine selector, you must understand the concept of Walk Away
Power, which is basically having the power to walk away from any man or
situation that does not serve you. When a woman puts up with terrible
behavior from her man over and over, she teaches him that she will never
leave him, and that he can treat her any way that he wants.
This is the point when your man understands that he is the one with the
power, and he begins to test your limits. If you allow a mans bad behavior,
it will continue and increase until the time that one of you (most likely him)
leaves the relationship.
Because of this, its important that you remember your value, and be willing
to walk away when your boundaries have been crossed.

A MAN IS NOT A HAIRY WOMAN
People ask me What is the use of climbing Mount Everest?
Because it is there. George Mallory, Explorer
This chapter may be the most difficult one in the book. Not because the
information is difficult to understand, but that the information may be
difficult to ACCEPT.
But once you truly understand and accept what is REALLY happening with
a man, you can be a winner in the Man/Woman Game.
THE TRUTH: Men and women are fundamentally different. Period.
If you are truly interested in learning how to make your relationships work,
its important to understand the differences between the sexes.
One common sticking point in relationships is that women usually give what
they would want to receive, while men give what they want to receive.
For example, when a man is going through a hard time at work, a woman
may try to help by expressing concern and asking helpful questions.
We women are excellent at bonding, and we often believe that a good
cleansing conversation, followed by a good cry and a hug will cure just
about anything. I know it works for me!

The problem with that approach, however, is that men often find it
ANNOYING. Men dont solve problems by talking it out. Instead, a man
may want to blow off steam by playing sports, or taking some space to
clear his head.
The situation gets worse when a woman doesnt understand that a man
processes things differently. If she decides to check up on him when hes
taking his space, she may be disappointed if he doesnt seem happy to
hear from her (if he responds at all).
The reason she keeps checking up on him is because that kind attention
that makes her feel LOVED. But that kind of attention makes a man feel
MOTHERED.
NO MOTHERING ALLOWED
A man already has a mother, and does not need you to fill that role for him.
For the record, a mans mother is the only person who can get away with
telling him what to do, but he still doesnt like it when she does it either. So
dont go there.
If youre unsure, mothering tends to look like The 3 Cs: Correcting,

Controlling, Changing.

Anytime you find yourself trying to correct, control, or change a man, you
are MOTHERING. A man hates those behaviors, so dont do them.
Sometimes a woman comes up with a great idea for her man. It could be to
stop smoking, lose weight, get a raise, marry her (!), etc.
While all those ideas are great, Im sure, if the man wasnt already in the
mindset of doing any of those things, there is going to a problem.
A Man Loves His Freedom and Independence

While women tend to love regularly bonding with others, and being in
relationships, men tend to love going on their adventures. Participating in
these activities solo or with other guy friends is how a guy enjoys simply
being a guy.
When it comes to relationships, men like to take their time before deciding
to become exclusive with a woman. While youre waiting for a man to make
you HIS WOMAN, dont be surprised if your romantic journey includes
moments of his pulling away, or even blowing hot and cold with his
affections. This is how men process their feelings for you while at the same
time imagining themselves as the handsome and free-spirited charmer that
all women want.

When a guy disappears or pulls away, its often said that the man is going
into his mancave, which just means that hes doing his guy thing, whatever
that may be. He is simply taking space to recharge his batteries.
If you live together, a man will then have a physical MANCAVE space that
he visits to be alone.
So whether your mans MANCAVE is an actual room, or just a state of

mind, a man pulling away is a natural and normal occurrence.
Regardless of how awesome a woman you are, a man will still need time
on his own. There is no easy way for him to ask you for space, so if he
does, its good to give it to him without complaining or sulking.
Its even better is you can anticipate his needs and give him space before
he asks for it. This way, you give him the opportunity to miss YOU!
Whether its working, fishing, skiing, surfing, hunting, going to sports

events, etc, when a guy wants to go off to do his thing without you, LET
HIM.
While hes out enjoying his adventures, go out and enjoy YOURS!

A Mans #1 Need: RESPECT.
A man feels respected when you trust that his actions and opinions are
good the way they are without your input!
Im not saying that youre not smart, and that your opinions arent worth
much. What I am saying, though, is that a man NEEDS you to trust his
decisions. So if your man doesnt ask for your help, dont be surprised
when he resists your unsolicited advice.
Respecting a man means:
Allowing him to be who he is, without trying to change or control him
Allowing him to have his space, without complaint or interruption
Trusting his decisions, without your correction
Respecting a man means respecting that he will do the right thing at the
right time. Of course, his definition of the right time is guaranteed to be
way different from yours, so patience is usually required.
But since a man wont make real changes until he is ready, it is better to
see your man as he really is, not your future version of him, because he
may have no interest whatsoever in changing.
If you are having trouble with the idea that you cant change your man, you
will either have to learn to accept the man that you are with, or choose a
better mate for yourself the next go-round.
Men Really Are From Mars, and Women Really Are From Venus

Women are usually in touch with their emotions, and we often enjoy
bonding with others. When in a relationship with a man, we are usually the
caretaker of the relationship, as well as for our partner. For the most part,
that is our natural state.
Men, on the other hand, enjoy going off to enjoy their freedom, and having
their adventures. They prefer to deal with facts over emotion. They tend to
be less comfortable showing their emotions, and often will drag their feet
before settling down to an exclusive relationship with one woman.
Why is it this way? Now if I had the answer to that question, Id be polishing
my Nobel Peace Prize right now, but the fact is, the difference between
men and women is what makes life and love so darned delicious and
fascinating (not to mention frustrating)!
What A Man Does When Hes Away, Taking His Space:

Hanging with his guy friends
Working
Studying
Masturbating
Starting or growing his business
Traveling
Playing video games
Dating other women
Skiing
Fishing

Sitting around, doing nothing
Not thinking about you
Thinking about you
Hunting
Checking out online dating sites
Men Vs Women In Relationships

When a woman has 10 men, she will CHOOSE.
When a man has 10 women, he will PLAY. - Unknown
I know that some of you will not be happy when you see that I included
actions such as dating other women and masturbating. Youre asking
why does he need to do that when he has you? Well, back to the
differences between men and women, women enjoy bonding, and men
enjoy their freedom. Men like doing things without having to ask your
permission. You cant treat a man like a woman because he is just not built
that way. Its better to enjoy a man for the value that he is actually bringing
to you.
Until a man is exclusive with you, he has every right to date other women
or go skiing every weekend without telling you about it beforehand. You
may not like it, but until hes your boyfriend hes going to enjoy life as a
single man, and you need to make peace with that. Of course, this means
that youre single too, so act like it. Better still, learn to enjoy it!
Women often have certain hopes and expectations of what a man should
do based on what she enjoys doing. This can be dangerous to a
relationship because men often do not share those expectations, and dont
understand why they are important to us. Some of those expectations
include:
Wanting a relationship after having sex

Listening to every story that we want to share
Celebrating birthdays (ours or theirs)
Celebrating New Years Eve
Celebrating Valentines Day
Celebrating private anniversaries (first date, the day you met
and/or slept together)
Daily phone calls/texts
This doesnt mean that guys dont care about these moments, only that
they might not be as emotionally attached to them as you are. So if their
response is less than you hoped for, do your best to not blow things out of
proportion. Our girlfriends are fantastic for listening to us for hours,
celebrating job wins, and all special occasions.Its important not to abandon
your girlfriends when you have a special man in your life because they
keep you balanced, and theres nothing like the support of sisterhood!
Whenever you feel anxious about things, ask yourself, Will this make a
difference 10 years from now? Usually, it wont. If the relationship with
your man is good overall, then you will have the opportunity to teach him
what you need in the future. Let your guy be a guy, and enjoy the wisdom
of your women friends.

What A Woman Often Does (But Shouldnt Do)
While Her Man Is Taking His Space:
Wait for him to come around, doing nothing (but sulking)
Text and/or call him to ask him why
Cyberstalk him to see what hes doing online
Analyze old conversations, and old texts for clues
Ask multiple friends, and anyone else who will listen for advice
And the time passes so slooowly
A Mans Timeline vs. A Womans Timeline
Speaking of time, regardless of how cool and patient a woman can be, her
timetable for love and relationships is often quicker than a mans. For
example, after three months a woman might want to have The Talk with a
man to find out where the relationship is going. For some men, the three
month mark is when they get nervous because they realize that they he
might be in a relationship.
Similarly, a woman may get upset after not hearing from her man in 2 days.
To him, he is thinking of her, but hes just doing his thing. This is one of the
differences between the sexes that can be so frustrating.
The Rubber Band Effect/Mans Intimacy Cycle

In the book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus by Dr. John
Gray writes, When a man loves a woman, periodically he needs to pull
away before he can get closer.
It sounds counterintuitive, but like rubber bands, a man can only pull away
from you for so far before he springs back. But you have to let him.
In his analogy, Dr. Gray demonstrates that men normally go back and forth
between wanting to be intimate with a woman and to be independent as a
man.
When a mans need for intimacy has been met, he will often want to feel
independent again. Instead of getting angry or punishing him, let him go do
his thing. And he will bounce back in your direction.
If you decide to check up on a man to find out whats wrong, he will take
longer to bounce back in your direction. Let him have his space, and give
him the gift of missing you.
Women Are The Selectors. Men Are The Pursuers.

Waaaahhhh! I can already hear many of you complain when reading the
above statement. Theres a guy that you want, and he just wont respond
the way you want him to. Now this doesnt mean that the guy you want will
never respond to you. Its just that you must understand that that not all
men will respond the way you want them to, and for you to pursue a man,
or force the issue in any way will only backfire on you.
I know, this sounds so old-fashioned, like something your grandmother

would say, but theres a reason she said it. Men are hardwired to chase,
thats just the way it is. The sooner that you accept this part of the
man/woman game, the sooner you will be able to win.
Regardless of how liberated a man may be when it comes to women,

womens rights, equality in the workplace, etc, when it comes down to
choosing a woman, he wants to be in charge of the timeline. A man cannot
be rushed to do something that he does not what to do. If he is moving too
slow for you, you may need to keep your romantic options open.
A man wants a little bit of a chase before capturing you, he wants to

decide when the two of you are exclusive, and he definitely wants to be the
one to propose marriage. You can get mad all you want, but if youre
having any issues with a man because youre doing all of the work, and he
is not appreciating, thats your answer right there.
Since the dawn of time, men have been the hunter and gatherers. They
hunt and fish, and bring home the bacon. Men get a lot of validation from
being the provider, and protecting the ones they love. This has not changed
in the thousands of years since civilization began. Traditionally, the man is
the pursuer, the one who will initiate contact, pursue a woman, and work
hard to get a womans attention. This also means that the woman is the
selector, the one who chooses whether or not to accept a mans attention.
Women are the ones who get to select from a pool of multiple men who are

attracted to them.
Of course, women have liberated themselves and do a lot of these things

now too, but when a woman tries to help things along by pursuing or
chasing a man, she often ends up chasing a man away. A man wants to
feel that he is the one calling the shots, and a smart woman is the one who
lets a man believe that he is in control of the relationship, when in fact she
is doing (or not doing) certain things that keep her man attracted to her.
Much of what attracts a man to you will come from your feminine essence,
and will be a natural occurrence based on the various physical, emotional,
mental, and spiritual traits that they desire in a woman. But if a particular
guy is not magnetized to you, you cant make him become that way.
The Boyfriend Experience
Sarah went to a concert and ran into her old co-worker, Mark. They went
out for drinks afterward to catch up, and they had the best time, laughing
like old times. But the evening had an electrical quality to it. One thing led
to another, and Sarah ended up sleeping with Mark.
Sarah was surprised at how comfortable she felt with Mark. After they
made love, he held her and told her funny stories. The next morning he
made breakfast, and sent her sweet text, thanking her for a lovely evening.
Sarah was on Cloud 9. She felt that Mark had made her feel so loved, in a
way that she had been missing. She couldnt wait to see him again.
After a few days, Sarah didnt hear from Mark. She texted him, and he
didnt respond. Well, not for a few days anyway. When she reached out him
again, he told her how busy he was at work. The weeks turned into months,
and one day she saw his relationship status change on Facebook. There
was a picture of Mark with his new girlfriend who wasnt Sarah!
How could he do this to me? Sarah wanted to know. He gave me this
amazing night, and then discarded me like yesterdays trash. Men are
pigs!
Perhaps youve been in a similar situation, and youre wondering what

happened. Sarahs first mistake was initiating sex with Mark in the first
place. He wasnt truly magnetized to her in the beginning, otherwise he
would have made the first move. Mark never had to do anything to capture
Sarah. She was the one who offered herself to him, as well as a no strings
attached option. Mark didnt even have to buy her a drink or take her out to
dinner. Sarah took him off the hook from the very beginning, and Mark felt
safe giving her a lovely night that he didnt have to work for.
So even though Mark gave Sarah The Boyfriend Experience, he wasnt

interested in being in a romantic relationship with her beyond that night.
Furthermore, Sarah had no idea that the woman Mark ended up with was a
woman who he had been pursuing for two months already, and when that
woman finally responded to his advances, he wasnt about to let her go.

Sarah did the work of pursuing Mark, and now blames him for ruining their
friendship. Does that sound fair? Maybe not. But Sarah made the mistake
of assuming that a romantic night between friends would lead to a deeper
commitment.
Its like the old saying, You can lead a horse to water, but you cant make
him drink.
The man/woman mating dance is a dance of attraction, and Im here to

teach you the basic steps. Improvise at your own risk. Typically, a man is
attracted to a woman and he begins to pursue her. A woman has the option
to reject him immediately, or if she is interested, she will give him the
opportunity to pursue her. Shes often hesitant at first, especially if she has
other men pursuing her. When a man is attracted to a woman, he will
increase his advances in order to get her attention and win her over. He
may romance her in order to win her affections, and if the woman is
interested, the man may be successful enough to take her to bed,
capturing the woman.

Beware The Switcheroo!
It is sometimes at this point that The Switcheroo happens. The woman

has responded to a man, and is now feeling validated by the mans interest.
She begins to want more of her mans approval, and puts in more effort into
the relationship, such as cooking for him, wearing sexier clothes, becoming
interested in his hobbies, etc.
Most importantly, the woman also takes herself out of the dating scene and
no longer entertains the attention of other men. The man is no longer
pursuing the woman because he has won her over, and the woman feels
compelled to keep him interested. Think about your own situation and
remember the times where you may have found yourself seeking your
mans approval.
This is where something changes in your feminine role of selector changes,

which is why I call it The Switcheroo. Originally, it was your man who
pursued and chased you, and did whatever in his power to make you select
him. Your desire for his validation then became more important, and you
valued the idea of being in a relationship with him more than selecting the
best possible man for you. While a man will enjoy the fruits of all of his
labor, at some point your desire to please him all of the time becomes less
attractive, and you lose your role of selector.

If you are seeking a long-term relationship with this man, he needs to
continue being the pursuer, and you need to make sure that he is putting
forth effort for you. This is the man/woman dance that you will need to
continue for the rest of your lives together. While this may sound like work,
its important to understand that a man needs to work for you. When things
come too easy to a man, or you begin to let yourself go, is when you lose
your feminine role of power in this relationship.
Never allow a man to assume that you are 100% his. Do not jump at his
every request, nor run to respond to his every text or phone call. You are a
grown woman with a life of your own, whether or not you have a man in
your life.
Remember: Feminine Mystery is a SUPERPOWER!
When you are in the grip of anxiety, its easy to forget that he, at one
time, was chasing YOU.

INTRODUCING THE LOVE RESET
Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick, and pull yourself together.
Elizabeth Taylor
The purpose of this book is help you create a LOVE RESET, a shift in your
energy and demeanor, which will shake things up. This shake up is
created by your intention to return to your natural goddess state: SECURE
in the knowledge that you are an attractive woman with a life of your own
who can live happily in her own skin, with or without a man.
Wait! Some of you might be thinking, Thats not true. I need him! I cant
live without him! Not being with him makes me feel awful! These are totally
natural feelings, but they are not the truth of who you are. You lived just
fine before you met him, and if your relationship were to end today, youd
feel sad and miss him, but you would eventually regain your strength and
sense of self.
But Im not here to help you feel good about breaking up with a man, and
moving on. The job of this book is to help you reset your sense of self and
feminine power so that you find yourself attracting all kinds of new men in
your life including the one that you think you have to have.
As much as we women will resist, having multiple suitors in your life does
bring a special sparkle to your world. Most men are competitive, and they
like to work for what they get. When you start dating a new man who thinks
youre amazing, you start to think to yourself,

Yeah You know, I AM kinda amazing. Why am I pining over this other
guy who hasnt even realized my awesomeness???
And THAT is the question that can change your life.
A good part of THE LOVE RESET is creating a life of your own that you
can be proud of, with or without a man. While I do emphasize having a life
without a man, the reason is because having a life of your own that doesnt
revolve around a man makes you highly attractive. You soon find yourself
in demand because you are Hard to Get, and Easy to Lose. Having a life
of your own design grounds and centers you.
Get out and circulate. Enjoy activities you love, that require your attention..
If the guy that youve been seeing hasnt been putting forth much effort in
your direction lately, try an experiment and stop filling in the gap for him. If
you are the one doing all of the pursuing, how do you know if a man isnt
just lazy? If you give him space, he may step up.
The by-product of THE LOVE RESET is that as you reset yourself, your
energetic shift will also reset the current man in your life. He will respond by
coming closer, or moving away from you. THAT will be your answer.
Ive also seen it happen often when one of the new guys turns out to be the
BIG LOVE of a womans life. But she had to be open to change for that to
happen. The ONLY way for that kind of transformation to happen, is if the
woman has a LOVE RESET.
A LOVE RESET is simply a conscious decision to make better choices.
Without a LOVE RESET, you may be acting and reacting on automatic

pilot, pushing for commitment, marriage, etc with a man who is not
interested or available. You may also be wondering why you keep
repeating the same mistakes. To RESET yourself is to choose to be
conscious about your choices, and to make better ones.
And for that, Ive created a 7-step RESET plan that will help you to center
yourself and re-establish your feminine role of selector.
The best way to do this is to get back your original sparkle, which every
woman received at birth. Every woman is unique, and her sparkle is made
up of her beauty, personality, sense of humor, special talents, etc. If you
are in the grip of anxiety over a man, and/or worrying about what hes
doing when you are not around, its likely that your sparkle is dimmed.
The idea behind THE LOVE RESET is that you will be resetting yourself
to be the man magnet that you already are (but may have forgotten).
The Love Reset The How Tos
Step One: STOP!
First Law of Holes: If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
While the various steps in THE LOVE RESET can be done in any order,
based on your needs at the time, the first step, STOP, is the most
important.
STOP is the stage where you gain your bearings, and admit that something
isnt working. If we have been overinvesting in a romantic relationship, this
may also be the most difficult step.
Sometimes we are unconscious about the important things in our lives, and
when we are triggered, we are suddenly brought into current reality. There
is a Moment of Truth that occurs, and we are suddenly painfully aware
that we don't have what we thought we had. Or that we don't have what we
want. Either way, it sucks.
After a Moment of Truth, your self esteem can take a beating You may
get anxious, and begin to do things to get a mans attention, or win him
back. This happens when a woman forgets her power.
This is often the time when we will try to escape to find some kind of
pleasure, or numb what we feel. However, this is actually a better time to
STOP: and notice what is really happening in this current moment:
#1: Be still. Allow yourself to feel what you feel.
#2: Pay attention to what you are feeling, and identify the emotion to
yourself.

#3: Ask yourself, Can I let this go for now?
#4 Listen within yourself for the answer, and acknowledge it.
#5: Do a physical activity (walk, dance, exercise, etc).
Sometimes the feeling will pass.

Sometimes youll have to do this exercise more than once.
Sometimes youll feel like holding on to that feeling.
I can't predict what you will feel, but I will say that identifying your emotions
are always better than running from them.
And identifying your emotions make you less likely to unconsciously react
to them.
Step Two: Love Yourself Up (aka Self-Pleasuring 101)!
Much of the neediness and anxiety you feel when pining over a man stems
from the fact that you are seeking something from him that you are not
giving to yourself. This is often a hard concept to accept.
But remember that when you first attracted a man, you were busy doing
your thing, living your single woman life. You radiated self-confidence,

which created your natural and unique sparkle, better known as your
Goddess Glow.
When you are tapped into your Goddess Glow, you are owning and
embracing your fabulousness. You are loving yourself, and enjoying being
in your own skin. When you are enjoying this feeling, men cant help but be
attracted to you, likes bees to honey.
If you are in a state of worrying about a man, and/or when he will call or get
back to you, your sparkle is likely to be missing. Furthermore, your anxious
energy also acts as an invisible repellant to your guy, as well as other guys.
To get your sparkle back, you have to refocus your attention from him, and
back to YOU.
Here are some easy tips to get started:
Pamper Yourself. You might be feeling a little unloved right now, so why
not baby yourself a bit? Personally, Im a big fan of bubble baths, and when
I really want to love myself up, Ill add candles, a favorite book, and a glass
of wine. When Im in the dumps, Ive been known to take a bubble bath
every night until I feel better.
Get Beautiful! How about a makeover? Visiting a beauty salon or makeup

counter to get a new look is what I call Fluffing. By keeping your look
fresh (or getting a new look altogether) helps you to feel beautiful. You
dont need a drastic change, but a new hair color or hairstyle can
rejuvenate your look and how you feel about yourself.

Go Shopping! Of course, you can also participate in a little retail therapy
and buy yourself some luxurious bath products, lingerie, new clothes,
books, music, office supplies, or whatever else makes your heart sing.
My only cautions about retail therapy are a) anything you purchase should
be for yourself, and not your man, and b) if you are already struggling with
spending or debt, do not let your anxiety turn a bad situation to worse. If
your man likes to blow hot and cold often, shopping to make yourself feel
better will become an expensive solution
Bodywork. Getting a massage or taking a spa day can also help you feel
rejuvenated. Having a professional body worker massage away the knots
and tension in your body can also help you feel like a new person.
H20.Whenever possible, get yourself near water. Studies have shown that
negative ions, generated by moving water rivers, waterfalls, crashing
waves, even showers and fountains, improves moods, reduces anger and
stress. Going to the beach is good, even when the weather is colder.
Depending on where you live, visiting a lake or river can do wonders for
your mood.
Enjoy Nature. If the weather is nice, take walks and soak in the Vitamin D
that sunlight provides. If you are one of the [percentage] of people who
suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), investing in a light therapy
lamp could be a good investment in your mental wellness. Taking a hike
and being in the great outdoors can also lift your spirits.
Friends/Family. Speaking of mental wellness, this is also a good time to

spend with supportive friends and family members. If you have been
focusing a lot on your man, your other loved ones might be missing you,
and will enjoy your company. Dont use this time to simply vent about what
your man is up to. Instead choose to be fully present with them, and listen
to what theyre up to.
Exercise. Some people might not consider this pampering (I dont,

honestly), but exercise is definitely one of the best things that you can do
for yourself at any time, but most definitely when youre feeling down. Get
yourself to the gym and work out your frustrations. Youve probably heard
by now how exercise creates natural endorphin hormones that you give
you a natural high. Even if you dont feel like going, you will be feel better
once youve completed your gym time.
Im not a gym rat, but I love to dance, which is so much more fun to me
than lifting weights. Dance classes such as Zumba and 5 Rhythms are
focused on the fun aspect of dance, so you can get a high energy/low
impact workout without having to deal with stomach crunches. But if you
love stomach crunches, dont let me stop you!
A Rose for a Rose. Buying yourself flowers is another sweet gesture to do

for yourself. Whether you keep them at home or at your office, flowers are
lovely to look at, and often smell wonderful.
Be a VIP. And speaking of lovely gestures to do for yourself, treat yourself

to a Goddess Night. You can take yourself out on a date to a nice
restaurant. Have a delicious meal and beverage, and allow yourself to be
waited on. At home, you can pretend that someone special is coming over
to your home and, of course this special person is YOU and clean up
your place, put new sheets on the bed, buy flowers, and make yourself a
delicious dinner. If you really want to get fancy, end your night with some
lube and a vibrator and play your own banjo.
Write It Out. Try writing yourself a love letter. Take some time to describe
all of the wonderful things about yourself to yourself. Admire your lovely
features as well as your fantastic qualities. Mail it to yourself, and make
your own day!
Its good to have a few tricks up your sleeve when you need a quick boost.
For me, my favorite goddess tips are music, laughter, sex, and naps, in no
particular order. Regardless of what else is going on in my life, I can always
rejuvenate myself if I can work in at least 3 of 4 of those necessities!
Remember, anything that you expect a man to do for you is something that
you can also do for yourself. And why not? Youre worth it!
Step Three: Mirror Him
The Power of Attention

Putting attention on something is to actively monitor a situation in your
life. Note that I didnt say worry about it. This just means keeping a cool
watchful eye on the matters in your life.
Giving something your attention sounds simple enough, until you realize
how many things we think about, say, and do each day. When we are on
auto-pilot we make mistakes.
When the stuff hits the fan, we may ask aloud, What was I thinking when I
did THAT? Well, you probably werent thinking.
When it comes to dating, always pay attention to the amount of effort that a
man puts into you. Actions always beat out words.
Most importantly, pay attention to see if your man is moving closer in your
direction, or moving farther away.
If a man is not reaching out for you, do not reach out for him either. This
means do not call or text him, and do not contact him on social media.
If he is still around, but acting a bit aloof, you mirror him by IGNORING his
funky attitude, or finding somewhere else to be until he is in a better mood.
This is not the time to baby or cuddle him. You do not need to be grumpy
too, or lecture him about his moodiness. Leave him alone to sort himself
out, and he will return in a better mood.
Mirroring your man is not like playing Monkey See, Monkey Do or Simon
Says. Mirroring is about your noticing how much effort hes putting forth on
your behalf, and matching that.
The main thing about mirroring a man is PAYING ATTENTION to the effort
that your man is making, and to match his level of commitment. When you
have taken a minute to stop and observe a mans actions, you get a clear
idea of how much time, effort, and energy he is investing into you and your
relationship. If you realize that you are giving him more effort than he is
giving you, let that be your clue to put your attention elsewhere.
If you live in the same city as your guy, and only see him every two weeks,
he may not be ready to discuss being exclusive.
If your guy wasnt interested in celebrating your birthday, when his birthday
rolls around, dont buy him a gift to inspire him or make him feel guilty.
And definitely dont go out of your way to plan a surprise party for him!
If hes seeing other women, you see other men.
The main idea is that you maintain the same level of commitment as your
guy. If his personal timeline for commitment seems to take longer than
yours (which is very likely), you will need to adjust your hopes and
expectations so you do not come across as impatient and/or needy.
Which leads to what DO you do in the meantime?

Step Four: Lean Back
Men dont respond to words. They respond to No Contact
Sherry Argov, Author of Why Men Love Bitches
Leaning back is one of my favorite feminine tools in my romantic toolbox.

Not to be confused with the strategy of playing hard to get (pretending to
be unavailable when youre really dying to be with him). Leaning back is not
a strategy, but a way of life.
When you are overly eager to be with a man, and find yourself calling,
texting, and Facebooking him, youre really just trying to remind the guy
that you exist. Remember that you are the prize, and when you both know
that, he will not need to be reminded.
Leaning back is about being self-confident in your power as an attractive

woman, and allowing men to come to you. Chasing and stalking a man are
not only masculine behaviors - they are also unattractive. Its better for a
man to wonder where you are, than for him to wonder when you will leave.
When you are leaning forward, you are focused on the effort that you are
putting into him. When you are leaning back, you are observing how much
effort he is putting into you.
As Dr. Toni Grant writes in Being a Woman, A man falls in love in the
spaces, when he is away from a woman. We women fall in love with a
man the more time we spend with him, and can bond with him. But we do
ourselves the biggest favor when we dont assume that men are the same
way. Letting a man miss you can be the biggest gift that you can give him.
So let him miss you.
To lean back is to be at peace with whatever is happening in your life

NOW, even if youre not getting your way.
You may have heard about the No Contact strategy from the book Why
Men Love Bitches by Sherry Argov, or other books. No Contact (also
known as NC) means just what it says: You dont contact the guy. At. All.
In Why Men Love Bitches, No Contact simply means not reaching out to
your guy when hes not reaching out to you. When you are not always in a
mans face, telling him what youre up to, he gets a chance to miss you and
wonder about you himself.
Some relationship books suggest No Contact for 30 days (or longer!) as a

way to make your Ex-Boyfriend miss you, and reach out to you after a
break-up. Other books recommend it as a permanent way to heal yourself.
The difference between Leaning Back and No Contact is that when youre
leaning back with a guy, you still communicate with him, but youre not
making him the center of your world. Leaning Back is a way of life in which
you put yourself on a pedestal and you stay there. As you lean back you

are truly able to notice whether or not a man is making any effort to be with
you. No Contact means no contacting him until you decide hes worthy. If
ever.
The main thing about either method you choose is that you are not the one
in the relationship doing all the pursuing. Lean back, and allow a man to
come to you.
And if he doesnt step forward to pursue you, well, thats your answer.
When a woman is in the grip of anxiety or negativity, her anxiety often

seeps into everything and everyone around her, and can last days at a
time. I call this Skunking, because this anxiety acts like an invisible
repellent. No matter how beautiful a woman can look on the outside, her
neediness is unattractive, and on an energetic level, it keeps the man in
question away for what seems like forever. Even if youre not calling or
texting him, but complaining to everyone who will listen, a man seems to
pick up on this, and takes longer to come back around.
So if your man is pulling away from you, or asking for space, LET HIM GO.
He is NOT The Last Man On Earth, I promise you.

It bears repeating that the rest of the steps can vary in order, but STOP is
the most important, as that is when you are actually paying close attention
to what is happening (or not happening) in your life.
Step Five: Get Busy
One of the best ways to reset yourself is to occupy your time with fun
activities. Even if youre missing your guy and your heart isnt into it 100%,
keeping busy is one of the best ways to refocus on yourself.
Once I started to understand the male intimacy cycle, I now purposefully

plan for a man to want his space after the first time we are intimate, return
from a romantic weekend or vacation, etc. And even if a man isnt ready to
pull away immediately, having other plans shows him that you have a life
that doesnt revolve around him. It gives him another opportunity to miss
you, which is always a good thing.
In the glossary is a mega idea list of Leaning Back Activities. Not that you
couldnt come up with these on your own, but Ive noticed that when a
woman is in the grip, she can sometimes forget (or come up with lots of
reasons why she cant stay busy). If you find yourself wondering what do
with yourself, Ive compiled a list of Lean Back List of Activities which will
appear in the final publication of THE LOVE RESET.
Create a Desire List

An important part of getting busy is that you take some time to refocus on
your own desires. Sometimes we get so caught up in relationship goals and
work obligations that we actually disconnect from our own desires.
In order to reclaim your true desires, make a Desire List of the things that
you want. From a simple cup of coffee to an extravagant 5-Star vacation in
Bali, give yourself permission to want what you want. Its good for you!
If you are doing The Love Reset in a group, share your desires with each
other, and let your lists inspire new desires.
Keep your Desire List where you can see it everyday, and continue adding
to it as your desires change and get fulfilled!
Step Six: Date Others
If you havent been dating, or if your current relationship is not exclusive,

its time to start a Dating Rotation. In other words, you are going to see
other men. When you have more than one man in your life, you are less
likely to focus on one (especially one who isnt focused on you).
It is not necessary to fall in love or sleep with new guys. It sometimes

happens that you meet a new guy who ends up sweeping you off of your
feet, but the purpose of dating is for you to enjoy the attention of other men,
and remind yourself that you are an attractive woman with options.
With the popularity of online dating, it is easier than ever to meet new men
who can fill your schedule and offer new possibilities for romance. If you
have been overly focused on your guy, you might be missing an
opportunity to meet a new man who may be better suited for you.

If you havent been dating for a while, spending time with platonic male
friends will also boost your confidence. Social groups like Meetup.com
enable you to spend time with people of both sexes in a friendly no-
pressure environment participating in activities that youll enjoy.
If you are from a culture where dating more than one man isnt allowed,
then volunteer your time into projects that are meaningful to you. See the
Leaning Back List of Activities in the back of this book for ideas.
Step Seven: Look Inward
While you are in RESET mode, it is often a good idea to look in the
mirror to turn your attention to your beliefs and patterns around
relationships. If you notice that you often/always attract men who are
addicts, bad boys, or are repeatedly not there for you, it is time to
consider that you have the power to be a part of the solution.
Inner Work = Outer Results

Doing Inner Work means taking a hard and honest look at childhood
issues, self beliefs, and past relationships, etc. ANYTHING that is possibly
affecting your current situation.
I agree with Greek philosopher Socrates that "the unexamined life is not
worth living". We often do things because of unconscious beliefs that are
influencing us, so we must take the time to discover where those issues
came from in order to release them.
Our issues usually start in childhood, so it's good to see connections
between your romantic relationship patterns, and your parental/main
caregiver relationships.
My mom was an alcoholic, and often emotionally unavailable to me. While I

know not to mess with alcoholics, if Im not paying attention, I might find a
sober, yet emotionally unavailable man highly attractive - like SOULMATE
attractive, haha!
Another thing about children of alcoholics/addicts is that we can be needy
and codependent. We can make excuses for bad behavior because we
grew up doing it, and it feels totally normal.
If we don't stop and pay attention, we will continue to be attracted to men

who aren't good for us.
When I identify the particular issues that are affecting my relationships, I'll
look up books and YouTube videos that go deep into the topic. I'll also
journal to keep track of my thoughts and "Aha! Moments".
We are like onions, always peeling back the layers to learn what's going on
inside of us. Its challenging work that never ends, but it is necessary.
If you believe that your man is Emotionally Unavailable, there is a very

strong chance that you are also emotionally unavailable. The people in our
lives are our mirrors, and they can often reflect our own issues back to us.
Everyone has a childhood history that affects their adult relationship

choices. You may have grown up in an alcoholic family. You may have
suffered mental, emotional, or physical abuse from someone close to you.
One or both of your parents may have been absent growing up, which
created abandonment issues. Whatever your history is, this does not mean
that you will never be loved. What it does mean, though, is that you may
want to take a good look at your childhood and past relationships in order
to understand how those experiences may be influencing your current
romantic choices.
Know Thyself
While youre taking a LOVE RESET timeout, its also a good time to take a
self-inventory of past relationships and patterns. Is this the first time that
youve found yourself pining for a man?
Your attraction to certain impossible people (Bad boys, workaholics, drug

addicts, emotionally unavailable men, alcoholics, abusive, etc) is not an
accident. By being aware of how your history plays an unconscious part in
your present, you will be able to break free, and make better choices for
yourself.
Some therapists recommend going home to visit and connect with your
Family of Origin, if possible. Revisiting those childhood wounds,
sometimes called returning to the scene of the crime can often be
enlightening. If your family history was particularly traumatic, working with a
professional therapist can assist in uncovering and healing old wounds.

You can do this Inner Work by journaling, reading books, seeing a
therapist, joining a 12 Step group, and talking to understanding friends or
family members. By being aware of the beliefs and behaviors that do not
serve you, you begin the process of eliminating them from your life. These
changes will open you up for the real love you desire.
Some women doing a Reset like taking a Mancation, in other words,

take a vacation from dating men. Your Mancation could last a week, or
maybe a month or two. This is another great way of refocusing on yourself
and regaining your sparkle. During a Mancation you can just enjoy your
friends, family, and hobbies. Its also a good time to enjoy your solo time. If
you hate to be alone, its a good time to learn how to enjoy your own
company. Sometimes women want a man in their life any man because
they are afraid of being alone. But when you learn the joys of solo time,
youre less likely to settle for less.
Release and Forgive

Holding a grudge is like drinking poison,
hoping that it will kill the other person.
A large part of The Love Reset is letting go of old hurts in order to make
room for new love. The old hurts and disagreements that you carry around
only serve to block your blessings. In order to be truly open and receptive,
you will need to release the situations and people that frustrate you.

When I find myself in the grip, angry at someone or a situation, and feel
that I am blocking my own blessings, I turn to one of my favorite Release
Affirmations by metaphysical teacher, Catherine Ponder in Open Your Mind
To Receive::
I accept _______ as he/she is. I release him/her to be where s/he wants to

be, doing whatever s/he wants to do with whomever s/he wants to do it.
I am willing to see this situation differently. I am willing to remember who I

am.
This affirmation also works to loosen your grip on husbands, bosses,

business partners, etc.
When I am ready to spit bullets about a situation, I will repeat this

affirmation once in the morning, and once again at night every day until I
feel like myself again.
Forgiveness doesnt mean that the person who hurt you was innocent, only
that you are no longer allowing that hurt to influence your actions.
Forgive and be free.

Resetting Yourself
By the way, you wont always need to do all of these steps all of the time.
The better you become at resetting yourself, the less youll need a LOVE
RESET in the first place. Some days, you might notice that youre in the
grip, and go straight to STOP! And catch yourself. By not reacting in the
moment, you can avoid creating a bigger mess that you have to clean up
later. The Reset is made up of emotional management tools that can return
your sparkle with a minimum of drama.
Plan Ahead
The better you know your triggers, moods, and habits, the quicker you will
be able to reset back to your Goddess Glow. When you see trouble coming
around the corner, you can remove yourself from certain situations and
people before things get stressful. And when you find yourself in a stressful
position, start planning that champagne bubble bath, girls night out, or
weekend solo getaway.
A BIG part of self-care is knowing which pleasures feed your soul the most,
and starting them as soon as possible. Even when you know that calling
your favorite aunt or going shoe shopping ALWAYS cheers you up, its still
easy to resist doing a Reset when were enjoying wallowing in a bad mood.
Its still up to you to do the work, so get to it!
Now that you understand a mans intimacy cycle, its a good idea to think
about what youll do with yourself after a romantic vacation, or even after
the first time you make love with your man. After a major romantic event
with your guy, you will likely be feeling oh-so-close, and you wont want the
feeling to ever end. On the other hand, your guy may be switching mental
gears, to get back into work mode, or hang out with his guys. This is totally
normal, and to be expected, so make a plan to happily occupy your time,
and hell return to your side before you even know it!

LOVE RESET TACTICS
In order to get out of a romantic rut, try one or more of these Love Reset
tactics and get back to your Goddess Glow!
Reset Anchor
Surround yourself with positive messages that inspire you. Alternatively,

you can give yourself reminders to do the right thing.
When Olga was going through a Love Reset, she wrote motivational quotes
on Post-it notes, and stuck them everywhere! Her computer monitor at
work, on her refrigerator, and next to her phone.
When I was going through a hard time over a guy, I also used Post-it notes,
except mine said things like "Don't you DARE call him!" and "Do YOU,
Girlfriend! You are worth so much more!"
On the electronic side of things, you can also put those messages on your
computer or cell phone home page,
Pamela went to Zazzle.com and created her own customized mug that
says "Calm Down and Reset Yourself", so she is reminded each morning
when she drinks her tea.
If you have a problem with drunk dialing and texting (and you know who
you are!), get a smartphone app that will prevent you from yourself.
Out of Sight, Out of Mind

Nothing adds salt to a broken heart like seeing reminders of happier times
when you're home by yourself. Instead of romanticizing those memories,
get them out of your sight.
Even if there is a smidgen of a chance that things will work out with you
and your guy, the quickest way to get a jump start on your healing, is to
remove all reminders of him and your relationship from your sight.
Take all photos, gifts, and other keepsakes and put them in a box. Write
down his contact info from your phone's address book, and also place it
into the box.
Next, delete all of his contact info from your electronic address books, and
tape up the box. If you're having a hard time, give the box to a trusted
friend to hold for a while.
Whenever I do this, I'm always surprised at how much lighter I feel when
I'm not surrounded by memories of a relationship that didn't work out.
The last time I did this, I placed the items in a duffel bag, and put it in the
closet. No more self-inflicted torture from old vacation photos and love
letters hanging around. I even forgot it was there!
Notice that I said nothing about throwing the momentos way. That is a
decision that you will have to make for yourself. This solution is just for
now. Maybe 25 years from now, you may use those letters to school your
granddaughter on the mysteries of love.
But right now, why were still working on those mysteries ourselves, those
mementos are best kept out of plain sight.
Do YOU!
As women, we are often caretakers who nurture everyone else. This often
leads to defending ourselves in situations in which we feel taken for
granted:
"He should know that that was important to me!"
If I was a guy, I would know to...."

When you feel that your wants and needs are not respected, that is not
simply a sign that you are being taken for granted.
Feeling like you're being taken for granted is also a sign that you are over-
invested in the relationship, and that you need to do and care less about
the situation at hand.
How do you do that?
Easy. Just do YOU.
In other words, start a new practice of prioritizing your wants in any given
situation.
Before you say that this sounds selfish, I suspect that you are probably not
being selfish enough. Don't worry, we can practice!
Susie made dinner for her husband Tim every night, and she'd wait for him
to come home before she'd eat. The thing is, Tim works crazy hours, and
many times comes home after 9 p.m. Susie silently resented Tim for
making her wait to eat, and there was usually an argument. Tim insisted
that she should eat without him, but Suzie insisted that having dinner
together every night was more important.
I told Suzy to stop waiting for Tim when she knew that he wasn't going to
make it in time for dinner. I reminded her that she has the choice to eat her
dinner when she was hungry, she could spend time with friends, or see a
movie.
She reluctantly tried it, and was surprised at the results.
Susie started making other plans for dinner, so Tim had the choice I'm
eating leftovers alone or getting dinner for himself.
After a few weeks of solo dinners, Tim responded by making an effort to

come home earlier to spend dinner with his wife. He even arranged to have
one early weeknight so he and Susie could have "Date Night". On the
nights that Tim works late, Susie goes to dinner with girlfriends, or enjoys a
solo candlelit bubble bath.
Susie is no longer feeling resentful, and Tim has a greater appreciation for
his wife's time. Everybody wins!

Pet Project
One of the best things you will ever do in this life is to discover your
purpose.
I'll give you a clue, though.
Your life's purpose has NOTHING to do with having a husband, or starting

a family.
While being a wife and mother will fulfill much of your life's work, it is your
LIFE's PURPOSE that is reflected in your interactions with your loved ones,
The PURPOSE being expressed deals with improving the world, and the
people in it. Your purpose is also expressed by leaving a person better than
you found them.
Men come and go. Husbands die and leave. Children grow up, and lead
lives of their own. Because of this, your life's purpose always starts and
ends with you.
I say all of that to say this: While you are looking for love, it's important to
remain well rounded, and not man- focused.
You do this by having a pet project of your own that has nothing to do with
any of the men that you are dating.
It can be spending time with your family, volunteering for your favorite
cause, having a career that you love, etc.
While this sounds like "leaning back", it is. The difference though, is that I
am talking about an interest that can last your entire lifetime, and even
define you.
For me, I started blogging about dating and relationships. I signed up for a
course through Pajama Affiliates to learn how to create a lifestyle blog that
actually makes money. My blogging morphed into writing a book, and now
here we are.
Learning about blogging, and writing my my book became a haven for me

to return to anytime I needed to shift gears . I could always find something
to do that would consume my time while I worked out my own romantic
anxieties. My blog became my place to go where I can lose hours of time,
and I can also make money from it.
So whenever I'm feeling anxious, I turn to my projects until the feeling

passes. Before I know it, I'm feeling better, and no one knows how ready I
was to cuss them out. Win/win!

The trick is to remember the all feelings will pass. But when you are
actively in the grip, distract yourself!
Care Less
Did you know that you have the power to knock the guy youre currently
pining over off that pedestal? Did you know that you can shut off that
anxiety that feels like a freight train?
How do you THAT?
You make the DECISION to care LESS about the man and/or the
situation, and care MORE about you.
Ask yourself: Am I the only one who cares about this? Is this really
important? Does this really have to be done my way? Most importantly, ask
yourself: Am I the only one putting forth effort into this?
Whenever you feel the need to control a situation involving another able-
bodied adult, its time to let go.
Sometimes we get an idea that something has to happen a particular way,

or that a particular outcome needs to happen, and that we are somehow
responsible for making it happen. Whenever I find myself getting upset over
how a situation needs to be different, I hear my friend Charlottes voice in
my head: Care less, care less, care less. And of yeah, care LESS!

Shake It Off - The Emergency Reset!
Another reason why I believe in the importance of THE LOVE RESET is
because, frankly, pining over a man who isnt pining over you is one of the
biggest time wasters EVER. Do you ever think about what else we could be
doing with that time and energy? Shopping? Creating a masterpiece?
Curing cancer? Solving world peace?
While being in pain over a lover is not to be minimized, it doesnt have to be

maximized either. Most of us have us have to go to work and/or school,
raise kids, and take care of business. Wallowing and crying over a man is
simply a luxury that we cannot always afford. Sometimes, you just need to
do something so you can refocus on the task at hand and be productive.
Here are some tips for when you need an Emergency Reset:
Dance Break
Phone Call
Read something positive
Gym
Pillow fight
The thing that all of these actions have in common is that they are what are
called a pattern interrupt, in which you force yourself to do something out
of the routine, especially when you feel like youre spinning your wheels.
The more physical the action, the better. The point is to shake yourself up!

THE LOVE RESET Starting NOW!
To recap, the basic components of THE LOVE RESET are:
1. STOP!
As soon as you realize that something isnt right in your
relationship, shift into observation mode. Pay attention to what is
happening (or not happening). Do NOTHING.
2. Love Yourself Up
Indulge in self-care and self-celebration. Be kind to yourself, enjoy

beauty treatments and good food.
3. Mirror Him
As you are observing the amount of effort that your man is putting
into you and your relationship, match his level of investment. Do
not get ahead of him.
4. Lean Back
Chill out, and dont chase him. Stay in observation mode.

5. Get Busy
Find other things to do. Get out of the house. Get a life!
6. Date Others
Meet other eligible men, and allow them to take you out.
7. Look Inward
Take a deep dive within yourself and identify self-defeating beliefs
and patterns that sabotaged past and present relationships.
8. Repeat As Necessary
Depending on where you are in your LOVE RESET, you may have
to repeat steps a few times until your Goddess Glow returns. But
keep at it!

Create a LOVE RESET Vortex!
The magic of THE LOVE RESET came together for me when I realized that
the woman does not simply have a LOVE RESET transformation by
herself. The Reset takes place within the community of other women who
are also walking the same path.
Most of the members of Katarina Phangs group have the intention of being
in a committed relationship, so we were all affected when engagements
and weddings were announced, as well as the break ups. Many women
were triggered by all of the intense highs and lows that were going on in the
group December, 2015, but I do feel like it brought a lot of women up
against their realities. And, frankly, this is good.
By participating in Katarina's group, you set an unspoken intention that you

wanted to be in a committed relationship. Learning Katarina's methods in
this way created a vortex of energy of women who wanted to get it right in
their romantic relationships. And time and time again, they did! The
engagements and weddings are fantastic, believe me, but the numerous
women whose lives were changed when they focused on themselves was
the real magic That's when I realized that these women had undergone a
LOVE RESET, and Brava to each and every one of them.

I also remembered my days in Regena Mama Gena Thomashauers
Mama Gena's School of the Womanly Arts. Back in the day, Mama Gena
taught 6 week classes in her parlor, and there was an online group to go
with it.
Within that community, I also noticed witnessed transformations in that 6

week period. Women lost weight, got promotions, new cars, exotic
vacations, not to mention dates with hot guys. Solo and as a group, we
would go out in public, just like the goddesses we are, and would slay men
on sight. One night we were even able to get a driver of a Con Edison truck
to drive us across town, from one club to another. It was a fantastic time in
my life!
Even though these events sound wild, I understand now that a Mastermind
Vortex was at work. If you have read Napoleon Hill's Think and Grow Rich,
and even if you haven't, you may have heard of the Mastermind principle.
The idea behind the Mastermind principle is that the combination of two or
more brains create a force of power.
A few years ago I participated in an Artists Way Mastermind group with a

comedienne/actress, a rapper, and another vocalist. We got together
weekly to study The Artists Way by Julia Cameron, and break through our
creative blocks. A year after we completed our Artists Way book, one
woman in our group had performed her first one woman show at the
legendary Caroline's in New York City. Another woman got a tour to sing
jazz in China, another friend released her first CD, and I released my
second CD, but it was my first CD with a producer and actual budget.
Although each of us was talented and self directed, banding together in

support enabled us to strengthen our intentions, and we were then able to
soar higher than we would have on our own!
The mastermind group is one in which groups of people come together with
a shared intention , and their combined energies and thoughts create a
vortex of energy which adds power to the individual and helps her to
manifest her desires sooner then she might on her own.
In case you were wondering, yes, this IS the Law of Attraction at work. As
you share your intentions for a loving partnership with others in your group,
you actually multiply the energy that is applied to your desires. By creating
or joining a LOVE RESET Book Club, you automatically create an energy
vortex. And as individual book club members do their own inner work,
and share their lessons with each other, everyone else in the group
benefits.
So Id love for THE LOVE RESET to be read by groups of women who

want to reset their love lives. If you would like to create your own LOVE
RESET vortex, choose your most positive friends, and do THE LOVE
RESET as a group. Read the chapters week to week, and share your
answers with each other. A year from now, I promise that you will love life
will be in a better place.
If you are serious about using that Love Reset Vortex energy, I highly
recommend that you tell your friends about THE LOVE RESET, and invite
them to join my LOVE RESET Virtual Book Club on Facebook, so we can
gain power and strength from each other. You dont have to do this alone!
When dealing with the other members in your Love Reset Vortex, always
remember to be compassionate. When a woman is dealing with unfinished
business in her love life, it may take her longer to get it. When that
happens, please do your best to remember that you were once in her
shoes.
None of us walked out of our mother's womb. We had to be yanked out of

cozy security by others. Then we took endless false starts which landed us
on our behinds before we finally learned to walk on our own.
Creating a LOVE RESET in your life is no different. Even after you make
the intention of finding real love, go easy on yourself when you have some
false starts that land you on your behind.

Feel free to join THE LOVE RESET VORTEX that we're creating right now
in the Love Reset Brainstorm Group on Facebook. The more of you sharing
your intention for a real committed mutual relationship means the more of
you will get it.

A Word On Closure
Id like to end this book with my thoughts on closure.
Closure means that you are now clear about a person or situation, that you received the
life lesson you needed to learn, and that you have CLOSED the door on it. You are
complete.
Closure comes from within. You do not need a discussion with anyone to gain closure.
Endings are hard, I know, but with each goodbye you make room for a new hello. And if
you get the lesson, that new hello will make the old goodbye fade from view.
As I like to say, "Only when you seen the BEFORE can you fully appreciate the
AFTER!" - so let your transformation shine!
Feel free to re-read THE LOVE RESET whenever you need a boost, and to remember
your GODDESSNESS always!
I'd love to hear from you. Please let me know the progress of your LOVE RESET via
email at carla@datingrelating.com
Love,
Carla Lynne Hall

Author, The Love Reset, DatingRelating.com
February 2, 2016
Lean Back List of Activities
Creative
Artsy: Painting, drawing, sketching

Handicrafts: Knitting, crocheting, quilting, embroidery, weaving
Music: Songwriting, song circles, seeing live music
Dance: Ballet, jazz, tap, hip-hop, Zumba, 5 Rhythms
Performing: Music or comedy open mics, Start/join a band
Cooking: Baking, making sushi, Asian stir-fry
Home improvement: Decorate, organize or renovate your space
Community theater: Acting, stage building, wardrobe designing
Acting, voice, or singing lessons
Visit museums or art galleries
Athletic
Going to gym/exercise classes

Swimming
Hiking
Runners group
Rock climbing
Coed sports team
Office softball team
Attend sports events

Intellectual
Book club
Writers group
Volunteer for charitable or political organization
Chess club
Seminars/workshops
Toastmasters (public speaking)
Travel (solo or with a friend)
Go (or return to) college
Start a business; Get your real estate license
Learn a new language
Reading
Spiritual
Join/attend a church, temple, synagogue, or other spiritual

center
12 Step program or support group
Yoga, Pilates
Meditation
Join a choir

Glossary
Dating Rotation (or Rotation) The male admirers who enjoy your
company, and enjoy taking you out.
Fluffing Participating in self-care and other beauty treatments that lift

your spirits and remind you of your fabulousness. This includes massages,
manicure/pedicure, beauty salon visits, etc.
Goddess Glow Your default state as a woman, when you are happy and
loving yourself. This has nothing to do with looks. When you are glowing,
you are at your most attractive. Also referred to as Turn On, by Dr. Victor
Baranco, who defined it as a womans ability to arouse feelings of sexual
and sensual desire.
Houdini (or Pulling a Houdini) - Harry Houdini was an American

magician in the early 1900s who was famous for his ability to escape jails,
handcuffs, chains, ropes, and straitjackets. So men who suddenly
disappear from a relationship are said to have Pulled a Houdini or a
Disappearing Act.
In the grip When you are anxious about a situation, and hyper-focused
on the outcome
Inner Work- Taking a deep dive within yourself to explore your own self-
defeating beliefs, behavior, and patterns. Once you understand your own
motivations, your relationship patterns make more sense.

Intimacy Cycle A persons desire and tolerance for intimacy and
independence. This cycle changes constantly, and differs widely between
men and women.
Last Man on Earth Syndrome When a woman is pining over a man,

as if he is the ONLY man who could make her happy.
Mancation Taking a short break (a week to a month) from dating to focus

on other interests, or yourself!
Play your own banjo Self-pleasuring, aka masturbation. Taking care of

your own sexual needs by yourself.
Polarity Sexual tension between a man and a woman. The differences

between the sexes create an electricity charge. To maintain this sexy edge
in a relationship, allow your man to be a man. Being overly available and
helpful might land you in The Friend Zone,
The Love Reset (Resetting Yourself) Reprogramming and preparing

yourself for a fulfilling love relationship.
Rubber Band Effect The process that most men have of pulling away
after intense romantic experiences and then returning later (after
frustrating his woman). Its natural and normal, sorry.
Skunking Expressing neediness or insecurity, excessive complaining is

boring and unattractive. While it tends to make your friends avoid you, that
negativity also repels people energetically- even if theyre not in the same

room. Your negativity becomes like an invisible skunk, sending people in
the opposite direction from you.
Sparkle A womans enthusiasm for life and new experiences. Your

sparkle is your unique essence. When you are in your glory, you
SPARKLE!
The Switcheroo The Switcheroo is the point in a relationship in which a

woman who was originally pursued forgets that she is the selector in a
relationship. Subsequently she prioritizes a mans validation over deciding
if hes the best choice. When The Switcheroo happens, the man gets
bored, and invests less effort in the relationship.
Walk Away Power The power to walk away from a relationship when
love is no longer being served. The more that you love yourself, the less
you will settle for less than you deserve in a love relationship. When you
realize that things arent working, and probably never will, WALK AWAY.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Asking the right questions takes as much skill
as giving the right answers. Robert Half
Q: How long does it take for The Reset to bring him back?
A: Every man and every situation is different, so its impossible to predict.

Resetting yourself is a counterintuitive process. When you get to the point
in The Reset when you are no longer anxious about him, and are feeling
like your usual self again is usually around the time youll hear from him.
Annoying, but whatever.
Q: I haven't heard from him. Can I text him?
A: Dont you dare! He knows your number. He knows that you exist. If he
wants to get in touch, he will. Until then, lean back and stay busy.
Q: He disappeared three weeks ago and we planned on going to a

concert next week. Can I call him?
A: Nope! Actions speak louder than words. If you havent heard from him,
dont assume that the plans are still on. Make other plans. If you hear from
him at the last minute, let him know that you made other plans. You are not
sitting around waiting for him. You have a life.

Q: It's my birthday, and he said he'd take me out. Can I call him?
A: If you havent heard from him in a while, his actions (and inactions) are
telling you that he is not as invested as you are. Expecting him to show up
and do the right thing after leaving you hanging for a couple of weeks is not
a realistic perspective. Make plans with other friends (or dates), and live it
up without him.
Q: It's his birthday, and I got him a gift, but I havent seen him in 3
weeks. Can I give it to him?
A: He hasnt bothered to check in with you in three weeks, so why do you

want to reward his absence? Return the gift, give it to someone else,
and/or spend the money on yourself.
Q: How long do I have to lean back before my guy comes back?
A: If you noticed, this is a variation of the first question. If you didnt want to
do the whole RESET process, and only leaned back, your results will still
be great.
HOWEVER, leaning back is NOT a magical cure-all. You will attract many
men over the course of your lifetime, but not every man will be as
magnetized to you as you want them to be. Leaning back will not make a
cheater become faithful unless he wants to be.

So to answer your question, while it cant be predicted when a man will
return, he usually does when youre no longer thinking about him.
Q: How do I deal with seeing him on social media?
A: Lean back on the social media interaction with your guy, especially when
hes pulling away. This is not the time to Like his pics even if he Liked
yours first.
Depending on your situation, you may not want to be friends with your guy
on social media. Cyberstalking is tempting and anxiety-producing. Many
women choose to unfriend and block the guys they date. If this seems
extreme, Facebook enables you to mute the feeds of your friends so you
dont have to see pics of other women he might be seeing.
Q: Okay, so if I see a guy that I like, how do I get his attention without
pursuing him??
A: Its about attracting a man without doing the work of pursuing and
initiating. In our great-grandmothers day, a woman would drop a
handkerchief near a man she fancied to see if hed pick it up.
These days, you can smile, say hello, offer a compliment. Giving him your
card, asking him out, and so on, is moving into pursuit territory, which you
do not want. If a man does not take that bait, he might not be as interested
as you hope. Let him go, and another interested guy will eventually show
up.
If your relationship comes about because you did the work of pursuing the
man, you can expect to continue doing the bulk of the work during the
course of your relationship.
Q: Ive been doing No Contact for about a couple of weeks now, and I
feel like I love him less. Whats up with that?
A: While the upside of taking your own space and not contacting him will
boost your self-esteem, it sometimes happens that you love yourself more
and love him less! This happens because youve loved yourself up to the
point that you have realized your worth, and no longer accept treatment
that is less than you deserve. And good for you!
Q: I hear all the time to want it less and you'll get what you want, but I
understand the law of attraction to mean know what you want and
believe you'll get it - ask, believe, receive. How do we combine and
integrate what seems to be two conflicting ideologies?
A: In my mind, I see it as two sides of the same coin. You will always start
with the "ask", knowing what you want, in this case, it's a relationship.
To "believe" is the part we may have the hardest time with: believing that
we are lovable, believing that we are enough, believing that I don't need to
send 12 texts for him to remember that I exist, etc smile emoticon
THIS is where the "Inner Work" comes in. All the work we do to refocus on

ourselves, and identify our self-limiting belief is what raises our vibration.
We can't believe that we are lovable before we take that journey within to
see what's really going on inside us.
After we get clear on Yes, I want real love, and Yes, I am willing to walk
away from any relationship that does not serve me, THEN the "receive"
part happens quickly.
This is a powerful transformation, and I've seen this happen many times in
womens groups. So I am a believer!

READING AND RESOURCE LIST
The only important thing in a book is the meaning that it has for you.
W. Somerset Maugham
Some of My Favorite Books:
Argov, Sherry, Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl A

Womans Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship
Braswell, Leslie, Ignore the Guy, Get the Guy: The Art of No Contact
Carnegie, Dale, How to Win Friends and Influence People
Gray, Dr. John, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
Thomashauer, Regena, Mama Genas School of the Womanly Arts: Using

the Power of Pleasure to Have Your Way with the World
Thomashauer, Regena, Mama Genas Owners and Operators Guide to

Men
Vanzant, Iyanla, In the Meantime: Finding Yourself and the Love You Want
Watters, Daytona, How to Escape the Friend Zone: Learn the Secrets to
Turning a Friendship into a Romantic Relationship
The Wing Girls, How to Get Out of the Friend Zone: Turn your
FRIENDSHIP into a RELATIONSHIP

READING AND RESOURCE LIST - Continued
Digital Products from Katarina Phang, The Man
Whisperer
eBook
Hes Really That Into You, Hes Just Not Ready: The Ultimate Guide to
Dating Emotionally Unavailable Men of Guys Who Want to Take It Slow
Digital Audios
The Journey Inward Program
How To be High Value And Easy To Lose and How It Can Inspire Men To
Step Up
Leaning Back and Cultivating Feminine Mystique
Four Components of Melting His Heart
[*Please note that these are affiliate links. This means that I may receive a commission for
products purchased through this link. I only promote products because I have purchased them,
and have found them useful. If you are interested in learning about affiliate marketing, please
visit Pajama Affiliates.]

BIBLIOGRAPHY
Argov, Sherry, Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl A
Womans Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship
Barbach, Lonnie and David L. Geisinger, Going the Distance: Finding and
Keeping Lifelong Love
Braswell, Leslie, Ignore the Guy, Get the Guy: The Art of No Contact
Brown, Jill Conner, The Sweet Potato Queens Book of Love: A Fallen
Southern Belles Look at Love, Life, Men, Marriage, and Being Prepared
Brown, Helen Gurley: Having It All: The Ultimate Womans Guide to Love,
Success, Sex, Money Even If Youre Starting with Nothing
Cabot, Ph. D, Tracy, How to Keep a Man in Love with You Forever
Carnegie, Dale, How to Win Friends and Influence People
Collins, Jason, Seduce Your Ex: The Ultimate Ex Recovery System
Daily, Lisa, Stop Getting Dumped: All You Need to Know to Make Men Fall
Madly in Love with You and Marry The One in 3 Years or Less
Grant, Dr. Toni, Being a Woman: Fulfilling Your Femininity and Finding
Love
Gray, Dr. John, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
Greene, Robert, The 48 Laws of Power
Greene, Robert, The Art of Seduction

Lapanja, Margie, The Goddess Guide to Love: Timeless Secrets to Divine
Romance
Levine, M.D., Amir and Rachel S. F. Heller, M.A, Attached: The New
Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find And Keep -
Love
McKnight, Thomas W. and Robert H. Phillips, Love Tactics: How to Win the
One You Want
McKnight, Thomas W. and Robert H. Phillips, More Love Tactics: Effective

Techniques for Winning Over or Getting Back the One You Want
Moore, Myreah and Jodie Gould, Date Like a Man: What Men Know About
Dating and Are Afraid Youll Find Out
Nakamoto, Steve, Men Are Like Fish: What Every Woman Needs to Know
About Catching a Man
Phang, Katarina, Hes Really That Into You, Hes Just Not Ready: The
Ultimate Guide to Dating Emotionally Unavailable Men of Guys Who Want
to Take It Slow
Phang, Katarina, The Journey Inward Program
Prioleau, Betsy, Seductress: Women Who Ravished the World and Their
Lost Art of Love
Sark, Succulent Wild Women
Summers, Mirabelle, Addict him to You: How to Get the Love of the Man
That You WantAnd Keep It Forever

Tanner, Mimi, The Reverse Ultimatum: A Step-by-Step Plan to Make Him
Realize YOURE the ONE He Wants to Marry
Taylor, Sandra Anne, Secrets of Attraction: The Universal Laws of Love,

Sex and Romance
Thomashauer, Regena, Mama Genas School of the Womanly Arts: Using

the Power of Pleasure to Have Your Way with the World
Thomashauer, Regena, Mama Genas Owners and Operators Guide to

Men
Vanzant, Iyanla, In the Meantime: Finding Yourself and the Love You Want
Watters, Daytona, How to Escape the Friend Zone: Learn the Secrets to
Turning a Friendship into a Romantic Relationship
Weil, Dr. Bonnie Eaker, Make Up, Dont Break Up: Finding and Keeping
Love for Singles and Couples
The Wing Girls, How to Get Out of the Friend Zone: Turn your
FRIENDSHIP into a RELATIONSHIP

Review and Feedback Requests
Im seeking Early Bird reviews, and I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to get
your feedback on this Sneak Peek of THE LOVE RESET.
If you are in THE LOVE RESET Virtual Book Club on Facebook, feel free to
post comments there, or send me an email at DatingRelating@gmail.com

Share THE LOVE RESET on Social Media!
Enjoy your LOVE RESET!!!

xoxo Carla
DatingRelating.com

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2016 THE LOVE RESET by Carla Lynne Hall http://DatingRelating.

The Love Reset by Carla Lynne Hall

Copyright 2016 by Carla Lynne Hall

2016 THE LOVE RESET by Carla Lynne Hall http://DatingRelating.com 2

Stop Me If Youve Heard This One Before ................................. 4

GODDESS SECRETS OF LOVE ................................................. 13

A MAN IS NOT A HAIRY WOMAN ............................................ 33

INTRODUCING THE LOVE RESET ........................................ 49

LOVE RESET TACTICS ........................................................... 72

Shake It Off - The Emergency Reset! ........................................ 80

THE LOVE RESET Starting NOW!........................................ 81

Create a LOVE RESET Vortex! ................................................. 83

A Word On Closure ................................................................ 88

Lean Back List of Activities ..................................................... 89

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) ......................................... 94

READING AND RESOURCE LIST.............................................. 99

READING AND RESOURCE LIST - Continued............................100

Review and Feedback Requests ..............................................104

Share THE LOVE RESET on Social Media! ................................105

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year, I thought we were

You May Need A LOVE RESET if:

Youre in an relationship where things seem uncertain,

2016 THE LOVE RESET by Carla Lynne Hall http://DatingRelating.com 5

As of this writing, have interviewed and coached thousands of women

Most recently, I am a group moderator for Katarina Phangs Secret

As a group moderator, I have a unique perspective about relationships after

2016 THE LOVE RESET by Carla Lynne Hall http://DatingRelating.com 6

We often learn through example, so Ive included real-life case studies of

Reflecting on my years of experience and study, Ive learned that while

2016 THE LOVE RESET by Carla Lynne Hall http://DatingRelating.com 7

2016 THE LOVE RESET by Carla Lynne Hall http://DatingRelating.com 8

For Cuffing Season of 2015, Kats group saw 7 engagements in

2016 THE LOVE RESET by Carla Lynne Hall http://DatingRelating.com 9

In other words, each transformed woman had a LOVE RESET.

For one thing, it is totally fascinating to learn firsthand how women of

2016 THE LOVE RESET by Carla Lynne Hall http://DatingRelating.com 11

2016 THE LOVE RESET by Carla Lynne Hall http://DatingRelating.com 12

In my experience, regardless of man-made laws, biology usually wins out.

2016 THE LOVE RESET by Carla Lynne Hall http://DatingRelating.com 13

Goddess Secret #2:

A Man Is NOT A HAIRY WOMAN

2016 THE LOVE RESET by Carla Lynne Hall http://DatingRelating.com 14

Many of these frustrations reflect some womens expectations that a man

Goddess Secret #3:

Men LOVE The Thrill Of The Chase.

2016 THE LOVE RESET by Carla Lynne Hall http://DatingRelating.com 15

Whats most important is that she is NOT focused on him.

And THAT is what drives a man crazy.

When a man is interested in a woman who appears less interested in him,

2016 THE LOVE RESET by Carla Lynne Hall http://DatingRelating.com 16

As my grandmother always said: He chases her, until she catches him!

Goddess Secret #4:

A Woman Who Is Cool, Feminine And Mysterious

2016 THE LOVE RESET by Carla Lynne Hall http://DatingRelating.com 17

A woman who is happy, attractive and confident gives off a Goddess

A woman who is Turned On is highly attractive. She is able to motivate

2016 THE LOVE RESET by Carla Lynne Hall http://DatingRelating.com 18

Goddess Secret #5:

A Man Who Is Magnetized To A Woman

If you are seeking to be married, or to start a family, select a man who is

2016 THE LOVE RESET by Carla Lynne Hall http://DatingRelating.com 19

Nagging, complaining, crying, bitching, tantrums, silent treatment, etc. are

Once a woman magnetizes a man, as long as she stays cool and