Unwelcome Sign

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Why do Israelis feel comfortable in New York? Los Angeles is more climate-friendly. But New York is a brash of
fresh air.

Vocabulary.com explained: Brash sounds like what it means: harsh, loud, and maybe a little rude. Theres
nothing warm and fuzzy about brash. New Yorkers are sometimes thought of as the poster children for brash
behavior: they can be bold and brazen. Pushy even. You might find brashness offensive, or maybe you think its
refreshingly direct.

I find it refreshing. Computer geeks will remember WYSIWYG what you see is what you get. New Yorkers and
Israelis make up for a lack of courtesy with a lack of phoniness; (with apologies to the Bard) a lot of pride but no
pomp, and circumstance of inglorious peace.

New York is the land of What part of No didnt you understand? And my favorite bumper sticker: Dont tell me
what kind of day to have.

Of course, in many ways, New York and Israel are polar opposites. New York is the capital of Alienation. The home
of homelessness. In New York, you avoid pain by taking pains to mind your own business.

Conversely, in Israel, anywhere you go, youre home. And everyone is family. And we all know how we talk to family,
right? With family were always less careful. Thats the reason most often given for Israelis lack of courtesy. Prickly-
pear family friction.

Lets call it unceremonious. Oxford English Dictionary (OED) defined it: characterized by a lack of ceremony or
formality. I like their citation with the adverb unceremoniously. OED quoted Samuel Johnsons 1755 Dictionary of
the English Language definition for familiarly: Unceremoniously; with freedom like that of long acquaintance. An
1839 edition of Johnsons Dictionary took it further: relating to the family; affable, not formal, easy in conversation,
as in the family; unceremonious, free, as of one family or among persons long acquainted.

That reminds me of the story (which may even be true) of something the Satmar Rebbe, zya, told his faithful gabbai
(personal assistant) Reb Yossel Ashkenazi, zl: You cant be a real Chassid (follower) of mine. First, youre my
gabbai, so you see all my faults. Second, youre a Yerushalmi. And Yerushalmis dont kowtow to anybody. Third,
youre family, and no man is a hero to his family.

(False dichotomy alert) The world is divided between people who hate the expression no problem and people who
have no problem with it.

I always thought that responding to thank you with the brusque no problem was a New York thing. But it seems

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to be universal from no worries to de nada to nisht doh fahr vos.

William Safire revealed Russian collusion with the phrase:

The expression of approval now sweeping the world is no problem, which is also used to mean Youre welcome. In
the Soviet Union, the term is rendered nyet problemy. But Safire also found Russian resistance to the Americanism.
There was growing popularity of another word with the same meaning: normalno, more like normal procedure
which has the cynical, ironic ring of truth in Pravda or news in Izvestia.

A Russian immigrant taught me about the realpolitik of reciprocity: Spasibo v stakan nye nalyosh You cant pour
a thank you into a glass.

In a Word Routes column on Visual Thesaurus, Ben Zimmer looked at no problem and found it to be one of the
hottest items in pet peeve shops. Its not so much about the two words no problem but about how social roles are
negotiated in the public ritual known as the service encounter.

Zimmer quoted lexicographer Erin McKean, whose Boston Globe column The Un-welcome set off an avalanche of
comments. McKean observed If you say no problem, youre talking about yourself. If you say youre welcome,
the focus is still on the favoree, where it evidently belongs.

The widespread annoyance over no problem comes from a perception that it implies youre not welcome at all. The
good-deed-doer was just generous enough to bother, even though you really dont deserve it.

How can I ever thank you enough?

Well, you cant!

Greg Opelka wrote in The Wall St. Journal: Theres an implicit, albeit unintentional, condescension in the No
problem comeback. As if to say Youre interrupting my busy life, but Ill make a little time for you because Im just
that magnanimous. Youre welcome, on the other hand, is the picture of sunny benevolence. More than a mere
affirmation (You are well come!), its an invitation.

But, as Jan Freeman wrote on Throw Grammar From the Train, if you construe no problem as dismissive,
inadequate, brusque soon you think someone is insufficiently appreciative of your gratitude. I dont think no
problem is usually rude, but recasting it as an insult? Definitely rude.

So curb your doggedness. And dont walk your pet peeve without a leash.

You got a problem with that?

Please send smiles, sticks and stones to language@hamodia.com.

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