Beruflich Dokumente
Kultur Dokumente
Effective communication must include listening skills. You can see that this is
true in any meeting where everyone is talking and no one is listening. Are these
types of meetings effective? Is anyone attempting to understand another
persons view point? According to Sonya Hamlin (2006), the author of "How to
Talk So People Listen," the world is composed of various personality types, all of
which affect how a person will listen. Another aspect that affects how someone
listens is age. A person's generation will impact how the individual accesses their
news, tackles work or perceives time. For example, Baby Boomers, those born
during the middle part of the 20th Century, may be more likely to read a paper to
receive their news. On the other hand, Generation Xers, those born between 1961
and 1981, may tune into their favorite cable news network; and those labeled
Generation Y, those born after Generation X, may receive a constant stream of
information via their mobile phones. We must be aware that factors such as our
age may affect our listening skills.
This concept was expanded upon by Stephen R. Covey (2004), author of "The 7
Habits of Highly Effective People." Covey believes that when people listen, they
have four natural responses which are based on their history and perspective.
The first response is to evaluate whether they will agree or disagree; the second
is to probe in the effort to capture information; the third is to advise or give
council; and the fourth is to interpret or explain the original message. Since we
usually see the conversation from only our perspective, these autobiographical
responses limit our ability to understand the other persons opinion.
Still, active listening is becoming more difficult in this multitasking world where
we are simultaneously engaged in many conversations over various mediums.
According to a study conducted by the University of Kansas, 74% of 500
individuals reported that they multitask using text based communication while
also engaged in a face-to-face conversation (Baron, 2008). Furthermore, a 2005
Hewlett Packard study demonstrated that almost 90% of office workers believe
their coworkers are rude when engaging in text messaging while also engaging in
a face-to-face conversation (Baron, 2008). But, the Hewlett Packard study found
that 33% of those surveyed believe that such multitasking techniques are an
efficient use of time. It appears that the frequency of multitasking is increasing,
and that there is no clear standard regarding how or when individuals in business
should multitask. This is why it is important for a leader to ensure that his/her
message, whether conveyed face-to-face or through text based mediums, is
persuasive enough to grab the attention of the leaders audience.
Security professionals sometimes use fear to correct poor behavior. This can be
seen in the numerous references to the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001,
or the information breaches at TJ Maxx or Heartland. However, according to
Cialdini, Goldstein and Martin (2008), fear will stimulate the listener to take action;
but if the listener is not told how to reduce the risk, the listener will eventually
block out the message. Therefore, we must be sure not only to highlight the issue
but also to communicate to our audience attainable steps to reduce the risk.
Though fear can be an effective motivator, it cannot and should not be our only
persuasive technique. Cialdini, Goldstein and Martin (2008) state that reciprocity
can also be used as a motivator. According to the principle of reciprocity, social
obligation is created when the recipient of an unsolicited favor or a service feels
indebted to the presenter and will then be more likely to render additional support
at a later time. Leaders occasionally come across situations that require
remediation which could make someone look, rightly or wrongly, deficient in their
responsibilities. I have found that if I can ethically remediate an issue without
sounding the alarm throughout the whole organization, I can make a new
friendship that will pay dividends in the future.
Both fear and reciprocity can be effective tools to persuade others to listen to our
message, but sometimes it is worth offering our services without any strings
attached. Cialdini, Goldstein and Martin (2008) referenced research showing that
hotel guests were 45% more likely to participate in an effort to conserve water by
reusing hotel towels if the guests were told that a donation would be made to a
water conservation project in the guest's name. The guest was told the donation
was made since the hotel was piloting a project to reuse towels in an effort to
conserve water. The donation would be made whether or not the guest decided to
agree to reuse their hotel towels; this was in contrast to an incentive based
approach in which a donation would be made only if the guests agreed to reuse
their towels. In my own experience, I have found that it is sometimes worth the
gamble to assume that a colleague will make the correct decision. If need be, I
can always follow up with a quick audit. If the colleague chooses the correct
course of action, I can then bestow some praise. If not, I can attempt to use some
fear as a motivator.
There is still another tool that is valuable in the process of persuasion. In the
middle of this high-tech world, social scientist Randy Garner documented a very
low-tech method to persuade others into action (Cialdini, 2008). Garners
inexpensive but effective tool is the sticky note (a.k.a. Post-it Note). In his
research, there was a 75% rate of completion on a survey when a hard-copy of a
survey was accompanied by a handwritten sticky note that personally asked for
assistance. The rate dropped to a 48% completion rate when the survey was
accompanied by a cover letter containing a handwritten note, and further fell to
36% when the survey was only accompanied by a cover letter. The research
revealed that the recipients were more willing to respond when they felt that the
request was personal, but it was unclear why the sticky note worked so well.
During the course of my work day, I often fight the tendency to address a
situation using only email and have begun to incorporate Randy Garners
technique. I recently started to take the extra initiative to either precede or follow
up an important communication with a hard copy of the message accompanied
by a personalized sticky note. I will drop off this message in-person or deliver it
through inter-office mail. This form of communication has an additional benefit
where I find myself in a personal conversation regarding not only the topic at
hand but other important issues. According to Randy Garner, "an ounce of
personalized extra effort is worth a pound of persuasion" (Cialdini, 2008, p. 52).
Based on this research, it seems worthwhile to accompany a risk assessment,
survey or an audit report with a personalized sticky note when requesting another
professional's input or approval.
A sticky note may help to personalize a written communication, but what other
communication techniques are at our disposal? I once had a manager who
labeled those whose participation was required in most security related
endeavors as the SWAT (Security Weapons and Tactics) team. By placing this
label on these individuals, he fostered participation. This philosophy is reinforced
by researchers Alice Tybout and Richard Yalch who documented that labeling
impacts participation (Cialdini, 2008). Their research showed that if voters are
labeled as above average citizens they are 15% more likely to vote during an
election as opposed to those who were not labeled. Leaders must ensure the
proper use of labels when communicating.
When the use of sticky notes, flattery or praise will not work, we can also try a
technique used by Benjamin Franklin. Benjamin Franklin stated, "He that has
once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom
you yourself has obliged" (Cialdini, 2008, p. 84). Franklin once won over an
adversary by requesting to borrow a rare book that was in the gentleman's
possession. Once the man performed this small act, the seeds of a future
friendship were planted. Similarly, I often use a request for education as an olive
branch to an adversary. If my adversary is willing to train me on some task or
technology that is his/her specialty, I am more likely to win him/her over as an
ally.
This practice was exemplified by James Watson, who co-discovered the double-
helix structure of DNA. Watson believed that asking for help could lead to greater
productivity. In1953, James Watson and Francis Crick discovered the double-
helix structure of DNA (Cialdini, 2008). Watson stated that the most intelligent
person working on the DNA project was Rosalind Franklin, but that she was so
intelligent she never asked for help and thus never engaged in inspirational
conversation that would lead to a revelation such as the discovery of the double-
helix. Furthermore, researcher Patrick Laughlin argues that the individual could
never match the collective power of the many (Cialdini, 2008). As security leaders
well trained in many security domains, we must never feel we are above others,
even when we are the experts in a field. Laughlin points out that we must rely on
the full participation of others to accomplish our goals and protect our
organization's data and systems.
Inspiration does not only come from supportive colleagues. Sometimes
revelations come from those we feel we are working against, including a
professional adversary. How do we handle the interactions with our adversaries?
When appropriate, we must allow professional adversaries, those working on the
side of good, to attempt to persuade us in the effort to ensure that we are not
heading in the wrong direction. The art of persuasion and debate is a valuable
part of the communication process. This point is supported by social
psychologist Charles Nemeth who discovered that one dissenter whose
arguments are valid and principled can effectively alter the opinions of others
(Cialdini, 2008). Therefore, it is a valuable exercise to ask ourselves, when
confronted by a dissenter, how do we handle the situation? Do we see dissenters
as just a roadblock in our path, or do we actively engage with them to see if they
offer something that can enforce or refine our mission?
It is even worthwhile to dissent against our own opinions. Arguing against our
self-interest can help to highlight potential weaknesses and flaws in our position
before they are exposed by others. Social psychologist Kip Williams discovered
that jurors found a lawyer more trustworthy when he pointed out weaknesses in
his case before the opposing lawyer did (Cialdini, 2008). Such tactics can be seen
in commercials by Progressive Insurance, who state that they will provide you
with another insurer's quote even if the competitor has a better price, or in the
Avis advertisement that states "We're #2, but we try harder." This self
assessment process can also put you in a better position to persuade your
listener during future discussions.
When it comes to happiness and success in life, emotional intelligence (EQ) matters just as much
as intellectual ability (IQ). Emotional intelligence helps you build stronger relationships, succeed
at work, and achieve your career and personal goals. Learn more about why emotional
intelligence is so important and how you can boost your own EQ by mastering a few key skills.
Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to identify, use, understand, and manage emotions in
positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome
challenges, and defuse conflict. Emotional intelligence impacts many different aspects of your
daily life, such as the way you behave and the way you interact with others.
If you have high emotional intelligence you are able to recognize your own emotional state and
the emotional states of others, and engage with people in a way that draws them to you. You can
use this understanding of emotions to relate better to other people, form healthier relationships,
achieve greater success at work, and lead a more fulfilling life.
Self-awareness You recognize your own emotions and how they affect your thoughts
and behavior, know your strengths and weaknesses, and have self-confidence.
Self-management Youre able to control impulsive feelings and behaviors, manage
your emotions in healthy ways, take initiative, follow through on commitments, and
adapt to changing circumstances.
Social awareness You can understand the emotions, needs, and concerns of other
people, pick up on emotional cues, feel comfortable socially, and recognize the power
dynamics in a group or organization.
Relationship management You know how to develop and maintain good
relationships, communicate clearly, inspire and influence others, work well in a team,
and manage conflict.
As we know, its not the smartest people that are the most successful or the most fulfilled in life.
You probably know people who are academically brilliant and yet are socially inept and
unsuccessful at work or in their personal relationships. Intellectual intelligence (IQ) isnt enough
on its own to be successful in life. Yes, your IQ can help you get into college, but its your EQ
that will help you manage the stress and emotions when facing your final exams.
Your performance at work. Emotional intelligence can help you navigate the social
complexities of the workplace, lead and motivate others, and excel in your career. In
fact, when it comes to gauging job candidates, many companies now view emotional
intelligence as being as important as technical ability and require EQ testing before
hiring.
Your physical health. If youre unable to manage your stress levels, it can lead to serious
health problems. Uncontrolled stress can raise blood pressure, suppress the immune
system, increase the risk of heart attack and stroke, contribute to infertility, and speed
up the aging process. The first step to improving emotional intelligence is to learn how
to relieve stress.
Your mental health. Uncontrolled stress can also impact your mental health, making
you vulnerable to anxiety and depression. If you are unable to understand and manage
your emotions, youll also be open to mood swings, while an inability to form strong
relationships can leave you feeling lonely and isolated.
Your relationships. By understanding your emotions and how to control them, youre
better able to express how you feel and understand how others are feeling. This allows
you to communicate more effectively and forge stronger relationships, both at work and
in your personal life.
All information to the brain comes through our senses, and when this information is
overwhelmingly stressful or emotional, instinct will take over and our ability to act will be
limited to the flight, fight, or freeze response. Therefore, to have access to the wide range of
choices and the ability to make good decisions, we need to be able to bring our emotions into
balance at will.
Memory is also strongly linked to emotion. By learning to stay connected to the emotional part
of your brain, as well as the rational, youll not only expand your range of choices when it comes
to responding to a new event, but youll also factor emotional memory into your decision-
making process. This will help prevent you from continually repeating earlier mistakes.
Emotional intelligence (EQ) is built by reducing stress, remaining focused, and staying
connected to yourself and others. You can do this by learning key skills. The first two skills are
essential for controlling and managing overwhelming stress and the last three skills greatly
improve communication. Each skill builds on the lessons learned in practicing the earlier skills
and include:
The key skills of emotional intelligence can be learned by anyone, at any time. There is a
difference, however, between learning about emotional intelligence and applying that knowledge
to your life. Just because you know you should do something doesnt mean you willespecially
when you become overwhelmed by stress, which can hijack your best intentions.
In order to permanently change behavior in ways that stand up under pressure, you need to learn
how to overcome stress in the moment, and in your relationships, by remaining emotionally
aware. This means that you cant simply read about emotional intelligence in order to master it.
You have to experience and practice the skills in your everyday life.
High levels of stress can overwhelm the mind and body, getting in the way of your ability to
accurately read a situation, hear what someone else is saying, be aware of your own feelings
and needs, and communicate clearly.
Being able to quickly calm yourself down and relieve stress helps you stay balanced, focused,
and in controlno matter what challenges you face or how stressful a situation becomes.
Develop your stress-busting skills by working through the following three steps:
Realize when youre stressed The first step to reducing stress is recognizing what
stress feels like. How does your body feel when youre stressed? Are your muscles or
stomach tight or sore? Are your hands clenched? Is your breath shallow? Being aware of
your physical response to stress will help regulate tension when it occurs.
Identify your stress response Everyone reacts differently to stress. If you tend to
become angry or agitated under stress, you will respond best to stress-relieving
activities that quiet you down. If you tend to become depressed or withdrawn, you will
respond best to stress-relieving activities that are stimulating. If you tend to freeze
speeding up in some ways while slowing down in othersyou need stress-relieving
activities that provide both comfort and stimulation.
Discover the stress-busting techniques that work for you The best way to reduce
stress quickly is by engaging one or more of your senses: sight, sound, smell, taste, and
touch. Each person responds differently to sensory input, so you need to find things that
are soothing and/or energizing to you. For example, if youre a visual person you can
relieve stress by surrounding yourself with uplifting images. If you respond more to
sound, you may find a wind chime, a favorite piece of music, or the sound of a water
fountain helps to quickly reduce your stress levels.
Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 2: Beat relationship stress with emotional awareness
Do you experience feelings that flow, encountering one emotion after another as your
experiences change from moment to moment?
Are your emotions accompanied by physical sensations that you experience in places
like your stomach or chest?
Do you experience discrete feelings and emotions, such as anger, sadness, fear, joy,
each of which is evident in subtle facial expressions?
Can you experience intense feelings that are strong enough to capture both your
attention and that of others?
Do you pay attention to your emotions? Do they factor into your decision making?
If any of these experiences are unfamiliar, your emotions may be turned down or turned off. In
order to be emotionally healthy and emotionally intelligent, you must reconnect to your core
emotions, accept them, and become comfortable with them.
Emotional awareness can be learned at any time of life. If you havent learned how to manage
stress, its important to do so first. When you can manage stress, youll feel more comfortable
reconnecting to strong or unpleasant emotions and changing the way you experience and respond
to your feelings.
You can develop your emotional awareness by learning the mindfulness meditation in
Helpguides free Emotional Intelligence Toolkit that helps you to get in touch with difficult
emotions and manage uncomfortable feelings.
Being a good communicator requires more than just verbal skills and the ability to manage stress.
Often,what you say is less important than how you say it, or the other nonverbal signals you send
outthe gestures you make, the way you sit, how fast or how loud you talk, how close you
stand, or how much eye contact you make. In order to hold the attention of others and build
connection and trust, you need to be aware of, and in control of, this body language. You also
need to be able to accurately read and respond to the nonverbal cues that other people send you.
These messages dont stop when someone stops speaking. Even when youre silent, youre still
communicating nonverbally. Think about what you are transmitting as well, and if what you say
matches what you feel. If you insist, Im fine," while clenching your teeth and looking away,
your body is clearly signaling the opposite. Your nonverbal messages can produce a sense of
interest, trust, excitement, and desire for connectionor they can generate fear, confusion,
distrust, and disinterest.
Successful nonverbal communication depends on your ability to manage stress, recognize your
own emotions, and understand the signals youre sending and receiving. When communicating:
Focus on the other person. If you are planning what youre going to say next,
daydreaming, or thinking about something else, you are almost certain to miss
nonverbal cues and other subtleties in the conversation.
Make eye contact. Eye contact can communicate interest, maintain the flow of a
conversation, and help gauge the other persons response.
Pay attention to nonverbal cues youre sending and receiving, such as facial expression,
tone of voice, posture and gestures, touch, and the timing and pace of the conversation.
Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 4: Use humor and play to deal with challenges
Humor, laughter, and play are natural antidotes to lifes difficulties; they lighten your burdens
and help you keep things in perspective. A good hearty laugh reduces stress, elevates mood, and
brings your nervous system back into balance.
Take hardships in stride. By allowing you to view your frustrations and disappointments
from new perspectives, laughter and play enable you to survive annoyances, hard times,
and setbacks.
Smooth over differences. Using gentle humor often helps you say things that might be
otherwise difficult to express without creating a flap.
Simultaneously relax and energize yourself. Playful communication relieves fatigue and
relaxes your body, which allows you to recharge and accomplish more.
Become more creative. When you loosen up, you free yourself of rigid ways of thinking
and being, allowing you to get creative and see things in new ways.
Its never too late to develop and embrace your playful, humorous side.
Try setting aside regular, quality playtime. The more you joke, play, and laughthe
easier it becomes.
Find enjoyable activities that loosen you up and help you embrace your playful nature.
Practice by playing with animals, babies, young children, and outgoing people who
appreciate playful banter.
Conflict and disagreements are inevitable in relationships. Two people cant possibly have the
same needs, opinions, and expectations at all times. However, that neednt be a bad thing.
Resolving conflict in healthy, constructive ways can strengthen trust between people. When
conflict isnt perceived as threatening or punishing, it fosters freedom, creativity, and safety in
relationships.
The ability to manage conflicts in a positive, trust-building way is supported by the previous four
skills. Once you know how to manage stress, stay emotionally present and aware, communicate
nonverbally, and use humor and play, youll be better equipped to handle emotionally charged
situations and catch and defuse many issues before they escalate.
Stay focused in the present. When you are not holding on to old hurts and resentments,
you can recognize the reality of a current situation and view it as a new opportunity for
resolving old feelings about conflicts.
Choose your arguments. Arguments take time and energy, especially if you want to
resolve them in a positive way. Consider what is worth arguing about and what is not.
Forgive. Other peoples hurtful behavior is in the past. To resolve conflict, you need to
give up the urge to punish or seek revenge.
End conflicts that can't be resolved. It takes two people to keep an argument going. You
can choose to disengage from a conflict, even if you still disagree.
Is stress or worry interfering with your ability to gain emotional intelligence? FEELING LOVED
can help.LEARN MORE
Improving Emotional Health: Strategies and Tips for Good Mental Health
Effective Communication: Improving Communication Skills in Business and
Relationships
Relationship Help: Advice for Building Relationships that are Healthy, Happy and
Satisfying
Anger Management: Tips and Techniques for Getting Anger Under Control
EQ skills
Stress Relief in the Moment: Using Your Senses to Quickly Change Your Response to
Stress
Nonverbal Communication: Improving Your Nonverbal Skills and Reading Body
Language
Conflict Resolution Skills: Building the Skills That Can Turn Conflicts into Opportunities
Managing Conflicts with Humor: Using Laughter to Strengthen Your Relationships and
Resolve Disagreements
Harvard professor Howard Gardner has identified eight different types of intelligences
that each individual has the capacity to possess. The idea of multiple intelligences is
important because it allows for educators to identify differing strengths and weaknesses
in students and also contradicts the idea that intelligence can be measured through IQ.
In researching about genius, we found that Howard Gardner's theory of Multiple
Intelligences provides a great alternative to the popular measurable IQ method.
"Multiple intelligences is a psychological theory about the mind. It's a critique of the
notion that there's a single intelligence which we're born with, which can't be changed,
and which psychologists can measure. It's based on a lot of scientific research in fields
ranging from psychology to anthropology to biology. It's not based upon based on test
correlations, which most other intelligence theories are based on. The claim is that there
are at least eight different human intelligences. Most intelligence tests look at language
or logic or both - those are just two of the intelligences. The other six are musical,
spatial, bodily/kinesthetic, interpersonal, intrapersonal, and naturalist. I make two
claims. The first claim is that all human beings have all of these intelligences. It's part of
our species definition. The second claim is that, both because of our genetics and our
environment, no two people have exactly the same profile of intelligences, not even
identical twins, because their experiences are different