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Running head: NARRATIVE REFLECTION

Narrative Reflection

Ryan Crisp

M.Ed. Higher Education ePortfolio

Loyola University Chicago

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Narrative Reflection: M.Ed. Higher Education

One of my first memories of my involvement in this program was when I received the

email saying I had been accepted to begin my studies in the fall semester of 2015. I had recently

moved to Chicago to start a new life chapter after having lived in Kansas City and worked in the

art museum education world for nearly a decade. It was a pivotal moment in my life, and I was

filled with excitement for the new educational chapter that was stretched out before me. At that

moment, I was imagining the experience as a strictly academic experience, and had no idea that

it would result in a newfound sense of social justice and of my place in this world, or the myriad

new friendships and professional connections I would make along the way. It has truly been a

transformational experience, and I will always be grateful to have had this opportunity.

Regarding the course content that resonated strongest for me, one of the most difficult

challenges I faced was in relating theory to professional practice. As a result of this struggle,

when I reflect on my experience I am most proud of the growth I achieved in this area and the

countless ways I was able to think outside the box regarding theory and critically analyze the

literature. This personal growth was most pronounced over the course of the Fall 2016 semester

when I took Leadership in Higher Education, taught by Karen Coleman. Her style of teaching

was to consistently bring her own lived experiences to the table and relate them to theory. For

every abstract theory we analyzed, she would then relate that theory, or elements of that theory,

to a specific situation that was demonstrative of higher education leadership. I continued to

evolve my understanding with theory during the Spring 2017 semester when I took Student

Development in Higher Education with Darren Pierre. Darren helped me to break free of the

more linear tendencies of my mind and discover new ways to extract various facets of theory to

improve and understand my practice.

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Additionally, I would be remiss to not mention the positive trajectory that the

Multiculturalism in Higher Education class provided for me. It was the first class I took in this

program and was my first memory of entering a classroom again since I completed my

undergraduate degree in May, 2004. Prior to the start of that class, I thought this program would

be focused on administration, history, and the overall structure of higher education institutions.

While these components have been integral to the experience, the multiculturalism class

emphasized out of the gate that this program would, first and foremost, focus on social justice

and the role that all student affairs professionals can play in co-creating a better world for new

generations of learners from all socioeconomic backgrounds, all racial identities, and all sexual

and gender identities. It was an eye-opening experience, and one that caused a great deal of

reflection at a time when such a process was greatly needed in order to prepare me for the

journey that lay ahead. I will always be grateful for the experience I had in that class, and I will

always appreciate that personal vulnerability was encouraged and celebrated.

This vulnerability would prove to be essential in the coming semesters. For example,

when I began the Leadership class, I didnt view myself as a leader. The narrative that I had told

myself about my limitations all of my life did not depict me as a leader. In my own mind, I was

a constant follower. However, I gradually learned through the course content, the literature, and

through Karen Colemans teaching style, that we all have the ability to be leaders in our own

ways. This was demonstrated in the pieces I created for the class. For example, at the start of

the semester we were asked to create a movie that showcased what leadership meant to us. Due

to the fact that I enjoy creating multimedia presentations and combining various media, and the

fact that I truly couldnt articulate my definition of leadership at that time, I threw together a

video with music and images and quotes. It looked slick, but didnt communicate my vision of
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leadership. At the end of the semester, we were asked to put together a presentation of our

leadership philosophies, and by that point I was fully able to articulate my leadership values and

relate them to the theories we had studied.

More broadly, I have become a more socially conscious individual as a result of this

program. I didnt realize until this program how little I knew about people that were not like me.

Ive been so focused on my own experience of the world as a cisgender white gay male that I

didnt realize how firmly my blinders were in place. This program has torn the blinders from my

eyes and humbled me beyond words. I feel privileged to have experienced the program as a part

of a diverse cohort that is representative of many racial, gender, and sexual identities. I also

grudgingly and glacially realized how much I can learn from individuals so much younger than

myself. I was intimidated when I began this program due to the fact that I was about 15 years

older than everyone else, and I had a chip on my shoulder for a long time as a result. When I

finally was able to put aside my insecurities and forget about our age differences, I realized how

much we can all learn from each other when we bring our honest, authentic, and whole selves to

the table.

I have worked full time for Loyola University Chicago for the duration of my time in this

program. I didnt realize prior to starting it that the Higher Education M.Ed. inherently has a

focus on student affairs work. This was a blessing for me due to the fact that my current position

is focused primarily on faculty and administrative staff, and I eventually would like to transition

to a position focused on student advocacy. It was tremendously helpful to come to class and

learn more about student affairs work not only through the coursework but also by hearing the

experiences of the budding student affairs professionals in the room.

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During the Fall 2017 semester I had the privilege to undertake an internship with the

Chicago Center Program at Loyola University Chicago. This experience provided me with

another layer of understanding about the university, as the Chicago Center serves as the hub for

all international students visiting Loyola from around the world. Having worked with the director

of the program, Jason Obin, on course evaluation processes in the past as a part of my full time

job, it was a perfect option to balance this work with my other role at the university, and

provided me with direct experience in another realm of the higher education world. Having had

the extraordinary experience of studying at the John Felice Rome Center in the summer of 2017

and experiencing life as an international student in Italy, it was cathartic and rewarding to work

with students who are having similar experiences studying in Chicago.

In my process of reflecting on this program and everything I am taking away from it, all

roads lead back to social justice. For most of the time that I was in this program, I was operating

under the assumption that Hillary Rodham Clinton would be our next president. My entire

worldview was shaken in 2016 when this did not come to pass, and I will forever be heartbroken

about it. Appropriately, this was also the semester in which I studied leadership and assessment.

As a result, I am reflecting not only on the social justice priorities of higher education

professionals, but also on the social justice initiatives I can undertake as a private citizen.

Looking ahead to the future, I see a lot of dark days ahead. I hope that things will improve, but I

fear that they will get worse before they get better. Therefore, it is imperative that individuals in

our line of work lead by example, and live the social justice values that we all hold rather than

just talking about them. I have always believed in the power of pragmatism, and now is a time

for us to face the reality of the challenges ahead, and lean in to overcoming them together.
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As Hillary Clinton stated in her presidential concession speech in November 2016,

Please never stop believing that fighting for whats right is worth it. We need you to keep up

these fights now and for the rest of your lives. One of the ways I coped with the grief I felt

following the election was to buy a print of this quote. I hung it on my hallway wall so I see it

every day when I walk out the door and go to work.

So, lets get to work.