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- [PETE] All right. How's it going, YouTube? I'm Pete, and I'm standing outside.

Ruth's Alternative
Caring, Southern California's finest and friendliest marijuana dispensary. Come on inside 'cause
if we sell this stuff outside, we go to prison.

- [RUTH] I'm Ruth Whitefeather Feldman. Cannabis lawyer, cannabis activist, and just before I
opened the door, cannabis user. I've devoted my entire life to spreading the gospel of
marijuana, the miraculous plant that has the power to heal the sick, calm the afflicted, and
usher in a golden age of people not being such dicks all the time.

- [PETE] Okay, then I'll just walk right in.

- [RUTH] Oh, no, not so fast, new patient. First of all, in accordance with state law, you must
check in with our friendly security guard, Carter.

- [CARTER] Hello. May I see your ID and medical recommendation? Thank you.

- [RUTH] Don't worry, that's just a Taser gun. You've never had to use that thing, right, Carter?

- [CARTER] Had to? No. You are good.

- [RUTH] Follow me. Here at Ruth's, our greatest resource... aside from having a shitload of
weed... is our staff of highly-trained, compassionate budtenders. You've already met Pete, our
in-house grower, and three-time winner of the San Bernardino Cannabis Cup.

- [PETE] It was an honor just to be nominated. [CHUCKLES]

- [RUTH] I'm also pleased to work alongside Jenny.

- [JENNY] Hey, I'm your toking Asian.

- [RUTH] Olivia

- [OLIVIA] Hi. Wait, let me try that again. Hi.

- [RUTH] Nailed it. And Travis, my son.

- [TRAVIS] And partner. On behalf of all of us, I look forward to helping you meet and exceed your
marijuana goals. And that's a promise. [CHUCKLES]

- [RUTH] Travis here recently came onboard after a trip to the dark side.

- [TRAVIS] I got an MBA.


- [RUTH] So, if you're serious about healing... or just thinking about being serious about healing...
come on down to my place, Ruth's Alternative Caring. 'Cause when it comes to cannabis...

- [ALL] There is no alternative.

- [RUTH] So, now what?

- [TRAVIS] Now we have an online presence.

- [PETE] Hey, we already got our first comment.

- [TRAVIS] I'll do the honors. "Why is her son black?"

- [CLIENT] Hi. Hi. I don't know how this works. I haven't bought marijuana since 1991, right before
a Spin Doctors concert. Actually... my friend Denise bought the pot. Denise Palmeri, nice girl. I
believe she ended up at Duke.

- [CARTER] Ma'am... ID and medical recommendation.

- [CLIENT] Yeah... Yeah, of course. I got my... I got my driver's license and my doctor's note,
although he didn't seem like much of a doctor. I mean... I mean, the guy was wearing sandals.

- [CARTER] So did Jesus.

- [RUTH] Hello, I'm Ruth. How can I healp you?

- [CLIENT] I'm... I'm sorry?

- [RUTH] Healp. It's a combination of "help" and "heal." Um, you know, like cronut or
Labradoodle. I'm trying to make it a thing.

- [CLIENT] Okay. Hi, Ruth. I'm Maria.

- [RUTH] It's nice to meet you.

- [CLIENT] Yeah.

- [RUTH] This is your first time?

- [CLIENT] Yes. Well, I... Except 1991's Spin Doctors with... With Denise. I was telling about Denise.

- [RUTH] Shh. Shh. Tell me about your life now.


- [CLIENT] Oh, my life now. Oh, yeah. Of course, great. I'm... I'm a stay-at-home mother of two.
I'm happily married. Well, I... Eh. Happy-ish. I just reached a point in my life where I need to
calm down, like... Like right now. Like, I am this close to driving the minivan into the lake.

- [RUTH] I understand. Maria, you're not alone. In fact, you'll be happy to know that you're a
stereotype. I've seen mothers like you come in here all the time. You're anxious, you're stressed,
you're overwhelmed. Your kids, you love them, right? But let's face it, they're bottomless pits of
need.

- [TRAVIS] I'm right here, Mom.

- [RUTH] That's my pit. It sounds like you're looking for something anti-anxiety. Uh, are you free
to medicate now?

- [CLIENT] Get high? I guess. I just thought maybe I'd wait till tonight when my husband and kids
are asleep.

- [RUTH] Oh, Maria, smoking cannabis isn't about withdrawing from your family. It's about ltering
your perception of them. So they're tolerable.

- [TRAVIS] Again... right here.

- [RUTH] See? I'm not bothered at all by that.

- [PETE] What do you think? On a scale of one to... Uh, your choice.

- [JENNY] It's hard to quantify numerically. It's... It's more of a feeling.

- [PETE] What's the feeling?

- [JENNY] Seven.

- [PETE] Out of 10?

- [JENNY] I don't know. I just know it's really good.

- [PETE] I'm not interested in growing "really good" weed. Anybody can do that. God could do
that. What I'm after is the Omega strain. Pot that doesn't just make you high... but makes you
whole.

- [JENNY] Sorry, I wasn't listening. Oh, damn. Scalpel, please. Bye, Mom.

- [PETE] Here you go.


- [JENNY] What's this?

- [PETE] You asked for a scalpel. All I have is an X-Acto knife.

- [JENNY] Oh. Thank you.

- [PETE] Your parents okay with you working here? 'Cause most of mine are.

- [JENNY] Yeah. Of course they are. Think I'd lie to them about what I do for a living? How could I
keep that up without having a nervous breakdown? Use your head, Pete.

- [PETE] Oh, paranoia. Why can't I breed you out?

- [TRAVIS] Can we talk or are you too high?

- [RUTH] Just business high. Come on in.

- [TRAVIS] Did you have a chance to read my franchise proposal?

- [RUTH] I did have a chance. And, in hindsight, I wish I'd taken it.

- [TRAVIS] Well, take a look. Your name is in the title.

- [RUTH] "Ruth's Alternative Caring: A Business Plan for Making Compassion Competitive." Wow,
that's great. I'm so proud of you. I love you.

- [TRAVIS] Mom, this is a blueprint for the future. Recreational is now legal in California. The gold
rush is on. And pretty soon somebody's gonna become the Walmart of cannabis. Why not us?

- [RUTH] 'Cause Walmart is evil.

- [TRAVIS] You shop there.

- [RUTH] Only when I'm buying in bulk. It's bulk evil.

- [TRAVIS] I thought we agreed that once I graduated, I'd be an active partner in this shop.

- [RUTH] Yes, and you are. You already made me do that whole YouTube thing. I mean, what's
next? You want me to stand outside, dressed like a joint, twirling a sign?

- [TRAVIS] Not you. I was thinking Pete.


- [RUTH] You remind me of your father, back in the day. Ambitious, determined... thirsty for
young white women.

- [TRAVIS] Hey. You were one of those young white women.

- [RUTH] Must it always be about race with you?

- [TRAVIS] Mom, I had offers to work for a lot of big companies, but I came back here to help you.
You know why?

- [RUTH] 'Cause Exxon makes you piss in a cup once a month?

- [TRAVIS] No, I came back because I believe in you... and your legacy, and the future of the
cannabis industry.

- [RUTH] Ugh. I hate that word, "industry." Travis, I don't wanna run this place like an industry. I
think of it more like a safe haven. It's a sanctuary, it's a place where... Where the sick are healed.

- [TRAVIS] Great. Why can't we do that in a thousand stores? Put one in every town, right next to
every Pizza Hut.

- [RUTH] Oy. Oh, that's another word I hate, "hut." What schmuck wants pizza from a hut?

- [TRAVIS] Mom, please. Focus.

- [RUTH] Okay. You want focus? This is not what I spent my life fighting for.

- [TRAVIS] That's a Pottery Barn catalog.

- [RUTH] What shmuck wants to buy pottery from a barn? I'm sorry. This is not what I fought for
all my life. So, if all you care about is selling out, making a lot of money like your father... why
don't you go work for him?

- [TRAVIS] Maybe I will.

- [RUTH] Oh, I wanna get up and fix this, but I can't fucking move.

- [NARRATOR] When you've grown marijuana since 1873, you learn a few things about pride,
about standards, about only growing the highest-quality plants, watered by pure Rocky
Mountain streams. Some say Americans can't grow good marijuana anymore. We say, "Where
you been, rabbi?" Kush, the banquet weed.
- [CLIENT] Hey, look. Look, I'm on the... I'm on the security cam. Hey. Hey. Hey. Oh, my...Hey. Hey.
Stick them up. Hey, stick them up. I'm just joking, I'm just joking. All good. Oh, my God, that is so
fun. That is so much better than the shit my kids watch. Did you ever see Caillou?

- [CARTER] I lived it.

- [CLIENT] So, what'd you do before this?

- [CARTER] I was in the Army.

- [CLIENT] Oh, where?

- [CARTER] Iraq.

- [CLIENT] Oh. Our side, I hope. Heh. Excuse me, just gonna... Excuse me for a second.

- [RUTH] Maria, how's your medication working? You feeling healped?

- [CLIENT] Well, at first I was very happy, but now I'm a little sad.

- [RUTH] Oh, no. What's going on?

- [CLIENT]I thought he was surly because he's black, but it turns out it was war.

- [RUTH] Okay, it's important to remember that marijuana doesn't mask your emotions. If
anything, it amplifies...

- [CLIENT] Holy shit, a chair. You better believe I'm sitting in that thing.

- [RUTH] How you doing, Carter?

- [CARTER] She asked me where I served, I told her.

- [RUTH] Yeah. Don't worry about that. If you ever wanna talk, my door's always open.

- [CARTER] Got it.

- [RUTH] And it goes without saying, if you need any product, on the house.

- [CARTER] No, thank you. I don't smoke.

- [RUTH] Never? Why, I find that really hard to believe.


- [CARTER] I'm not saying that I don't get curious about it sometimes, but then I see people like
her... And then it passes.

- [RUTH] Okay, well, if you ever need me, I'm here for you.

- [CARTER] Yes, ma'am. Thank you. Do not worry. Do not... worry.

- [MAN] Post-traumatic. As in "later". After the return. Recurrence. Mocking time. Invading
distance. Home and safety no deterrents. Rippling through the bombed-out crater. Of a mind
that lacks resistance. In a man who lacks insurance. Awe his symptom. Shock his illness. Shaken
beyond all endurance. Shrapnel shooting through his stillness. Scanning his periphery. For
targets only he can see. He pulls the pins of memory. And finds in each an IED. A brother in a
band alone. With his unknown unknown unknown

- [CARTER] I'm fine.

- [PETE] [IN AUSTRALIAN ACCENT] G'day, ladies. Working up a thirst? May I offer you a bevvy?
That's right. Sip it slow. Take it down to the roots.

- [RUTH] Pete, you're talking Australian again.

- [PETE]Am I? Crikey. It's so weird that I do that. - You want?

- [RUTH] Thank you.

- [PETE] Must be nice to have Travis back.

- [RUTH] Eh. He's got all these business ideas for the store. I'm your boss, I think it's crazy and
stupid, but what are your thoughts?

- [PETE] Well... I really don't think of my thoughts as mine. You know? They come, they go.
Sometimes they wonder what urine tastes like.

- [RUTH] Salty. [SIGHS] Well, the times are changing, Pete. You know, back in the day... marijuana
was a cause. It was a symbol of defiance. Now it's just a commodity. Hey, you ever see my Woo
in Rage speech?

- [PETE] Yeah. Wait. No.

- [RUTH] Oh, 1972. First ever HEMP Day March on Washington, D.C. That's HEMP, as in Help End
Marijuana Prohibition.

- [PETE] But also hemp as in... hemp, so, there's a double meaning.
- [RUTH] Yeah. No fooling you. Listen up, Tricky Dick. We're here today because we smoke grass.
And we're tired of being arrested for smoking grass. And we're tired of the war. But we like
grass. That's right. We "woo."

- [CROWD] Woo!

- [RUTH] We "woo" in anger. We "woo" for justice. We "woo" for those who have had their
freedom taken away and can no longer "woo" for themselves. It's hard to believe I got so
worked up over what I now realize was really shitty pot.

- [TRAVIS] I honestly don't think she's capable of change. I think there's some damage up here
from all the healping.

- [OLIVIA] What's it with you Jewish guys and your mommy issues?

- [TRAVIS] I'm only half-Jewish. Believe me, it's not as easy as Drake makes it look.

- [OLIVIA] I'm sorry. Has it been tough being you?

- [TRAVIS] Are you kidding me? My father was a Black Panther who became a corporate lawyer
for a big pharmaceutical company, and my mother, well... I mean, you've met that batshit
nonsense.

- [OLIVIA] I happen to like your mom.

- [TRAVIS] Sure. She's great. She's a legend. But she's also the reason I've had acid reflux since I
was 6 years old.

- [OLIVIA] So, I'm guessing it's the lower half of you that's Jewish?

- [TRAVIS] So, what's your sad story?

- [OLIVIA] I don't have one. I grew up ina lovely little town in Iowa. Everybody knew everybody.
No one locked their doors.

- [TRAVIS] Then why'd you leave?

- [OLIVIA] 'Cause people kept walking in and taking shit. The whole town was hooked on meth
and crack.

- [TRAVIS] Drugs are a big problem in that part of the country, right?

- [OLIVIA] Do you not see the hypocrisy in what you just did?
- [TRAVIS] Oh, come on, you can't equate marijuana with meth and crack. I mean, that's like
apples and meth and crack. If you feel that way, why are you working here?

- [OLIVIA] Have you been watching? I'm not. I've been on break since ten.

- [TRAVIS] You're not who I thought you were.

- [OLIVIA] Neither are you.

- [TRAVIS] Who did you think I was?

- [OLIVIA] Let's save that for another time.

- [TRAVIS] Okay, then.

- [OLIVIA] Yes.

- [TRAVIS] In a couple hours, I'll think of the perfect thing to say right now.

- [MAN]Have you ordered a pizza? Has it not arrived yet? You could be entitled to punitive and
compensatory damages up to $5 million. At Young and High, we specialize in cases of extreme
snack delay. Our attorneys have a combined 60 years' experience in helping victims of Dilatory
Foodstuff Syndrome get the restitution and justice they deserve. And we don't get a slice unless
you do. Oh, God, that's good. Call the attorneys at Young and High right now. Because after all,
it's been 45 minutes. Am I right? What the fuck? Call now.

- [OLIVIA] Hey, boss. You got a second?

- [RUTH] Boss? Come on, we're a couple of liberated women. Call me sir.

- [OLIVIA] What you reading?

- [RUTH] The Power of Now. I can finish it later. What's up?

- [OLIVIA] I hope I'm not out of line, but I wanted to put in my two cents about Travis' business
plan.

- [RUTH] Well, I'm happy to talk to you, but... as I said to Travis... fuck that shit.

- [OLIVIA] Can't fault your logic. Um... But just so you know, he really did put a lot of work into it.
You know, it means a lot to him.

- [RUTH] Are you and my son a thing?


- [OLIVIA] What? No, we're not.

- [RUTH] You sure? - You two are not a thing?

- [OLIVIA] No. No, we're not. We're two separate things. We keep our things separate.

- [RUTH] Okay, but, uh...FYI... it's true what they say. Once you go half-black, you never... Actually,
I don't know what happens after that.

- [OLIVIA] Okay. Look, I don't... I don't really have a stake in this, I'm just... Ugh. I don't know, I'm
suggesting that you give him a chance. You know, acknowledge his efforts.

- [RUTH] Oh, you millennials, you're always asking for validation. Everybody gets a quidditch
trophy. Does Travis know you're here?

- [OLIVIA] No, and, uh, please, don't tell him.

- [RUTH] Okay, so, this is what we're gonna do. I'll talk to him, you know, do the mother thing...
and you'll start dating him.

- [OLIVIA] What?

- [RUTH] Well, Olivia, the other way around doesn't make sense. And to tell you the truth, you'd
really be good for him.

- [OLIVIA] Okay. Well, that's... I mean... Who knows? Thank you. But who knows?

- [RUTH] Oh, I know.

- [TRAVIS] Hi, I'm Travis Feldman, from Ruth's Alternative Caring, and welcome to the first
installment of Strain O' the Day. Pete?

- [PETE] Travis.

- [TRAVIS] No, you go.

- [PETE] Oh, okay. Today we have the very popular Blue Dream. But this one is an artisanal grow
just in from Humboldt County. Take a look. As you can see, it has terpy nugs and trichomes that
are capitate-stalked rather than bulbous or capitate-sessile.

- [TRAVIS] As you can see.

- [PETE] Our Strain O' the Day offers a truly expansive and cerebral experience. Perfect for an
early afternoon session. One, one-thirty. Probably 1:15 would be the best time for this strain.
- [TRAVIS] I could totally see myself smoking this at 1:15. So, come on down to Ruth's Alternative
Caring, because when it comes to healing...

- [PETE] See you soon.

- [TRAVIS] Thank you. Happy medicating.

- [RUTH] Travis. I want you to know I'm still opposed to this document and everything it
represents. But... I admire your initiative... and therefore, I've decided to actually read it.

- [TRAVIS] Stoned?

- [RUTH] You have my word.

- [TRAVIS] Did Olivia talk to you?

- [RUTH] Absolutely not. If anything, she didn't.

- [CLIENT] Ruth, I... I just wanna thank you. I'm ready to go out into the world, and... And be a
mother to my children, a wife to my husband. I mean, who knows? The mister might even get a
handy tonight.

- [RUTH] That's so nice. Here, have some cannabis massage oil, on the house.

- [CLIENT] Will it make him high?

- [RUTH] Just his penis. You see, Travis? Nothing will ever replace the intimacy of person-to-
person interaction.

- [TRAVIS] And all I wanna do is get more people in here for you to interact with.

- [RUTH] Travis, you have to understand, I've spent my entire life fighting the Man. The last thing I
wanna do is become the Man.

- [TRAVIS] Why? You know there'll always be a Man. Why can't he be us?

- [RUTH] Because then who would I be mad at?

- [TRAVIS] Well, no one. You'd be happy.

- [RUTH] I don't understand.


- [TRAVIS] Let me try it a different way. If you became the Man... you wouldn't be the Man...
'cause you'd be the Woman. I mean, think about it. A woman... but with the power of a man.

- [RUTH] Jesus Christ, that's just offensive.

- [TRAVIS] Yeah, uh-huh, I heard it when I said it. Look, all I'm asking for you is to just trust me a
little.

- [RUTH] I can do a little.

- [TRAVIS] Thanks.

- [RUTH] I love you.

- [TRAVIS] I love you, too.

- [RUTH] Come here. I think you could bang Olivia.

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