Yifan Shi

College Writing 9C
Short report rough draft

Yifan- Great work on your rough draft! There are some things to work on still, but they
are mostly minor or cosmetic issues. Your choice of material, the connections between
ideas, and the focus of the report and the individual paragraphs are all solid. Ive made
comments on content and on grammar (in a second copy below). I didnt mark grammar
errors throughout your draft, so be sure to proofread on your own as well. Excellent start-
keep up the good work!

Status of Women in China

Introduction

Gender equality is an ever-evolving issue around the world. While men and women are
born physically different, they should share equal rights and responsibilities in the society [jr1]: This is, of course, true.
and be treated equally in education, politics, and employment. However, the actual However, the short report should
avoid such strong subjective
situation is not optimistic enough. Data from World Bank show that, between 2010 and evaluations.
2016, the gender equality rating declined year by year, from 3.435 to 3.24 (2017). It
requires the joint effort of governments and the United Nations alike, to promote gender
equality and improve the status of women.

In China, gender equality was written in the constitution in 1954. Since then, the
government has brought in legislation to ensure equal rights between males and females.
Achievements are made during the years, but at the same time, many problems remain
unsolved. This report examines the status of women in China by focusing on three
aspects: womens access to education, political participation and economic independence. [jr2]: Excellent work in your
introduction, you start generally, then
Access to Education narrow the focus down to your
country of focus, China.

As a general trend in China, more and more women are having access to education,
especially in secondary and higher education. Since the establishment of the Peoples
Republic of China (PRC), relevant legislation has led to the booming of female education.
Bailey argues that, the legislation after 1978, take the Compulsory Education Law of
1986 as an example, helped to expand the enrollment of women in secondary education
level (as cited in Sinha Mukherjee, 2015). According to World Bank, the rates of Chinese [jr3]: last name only
women enrolled in secondary education surpass that of men (as cited in Sinha Mukherjee,
2015). For example, in 2006, the educational attainment of males in upper secondary
education was 16.5%, while that of female was 18.7%. The percentage rose to 16.6 and [jr4]: nice work with transitions
19.9 of males and females respectively in 2010 (Sinha Mukherjee, 2015). Clearly, a more and flow
rapid increase can be seen in the educational attainment of females in upper secondary
education.

However, females are still left behind by males in advanced educational level. According
to the data from National Bureau of Statistics China (2015), women accounted for
approximately 52.4% of the Masters degree graduates, while only 42% of the graduates
in Doctors degree were females.

Political Participation

Improvement can be seen in Chinese womens political participation over the years. A
good example is to examine the number of female representatives in the National
Peoples Congress of China (NPCC), which is held every 5 years. In 1954, when the first
NPCC took place after the PRC was established, women represented 12% of all the
representatives, and the percentage climbed to 22.6% in 1975, during a period of 20 years
(Zeng, 2014). However, the figure almost remained the same in the following years, with
only a slight rise in the 12th NPCC (2013), which was 23.4% (The Beijing News, 2016).
Until quite recently, womens participation in politics still lags far behind their male
counterparts.

When it comes to top levels of Chinese political structure, women are even more
disadvantaged. For example, women only occupied 6.37% in the Central Committee of
the Chinese Communist Party, during the years between 2007 and 2012. (Zeng, 2014).
Since the standard created by the United Nations for the proportion of women in political
structure is 30%, there is still a long way for China to amplify the political participation
for females.

Economic Independence

While resent years see the steady increase of Chinese economy, women employment
rates in China, unfortunately, are showing an opposite trend. As is shown in the [jr5]: great work with your topic
International Labor Organization (ILO), between 1990 and 2014, female work sentence
participation rate dropped 9%, from 73% to 64% (Erdenebileg, 2016). If compare female [jr6]: by
employment rate with male employment rate, it can be found that since 2000, the gap [jr7]: a comparison of X and Y
between the two has widened significantly, with employment rate of women plunging shows that
during a five-year period and reaching an all-time low since 1990 (Chi & Li, 2013). [jr8]: good word choice!
Similarly, according to Chi and Li (2013), the gap between men and women mean [jr9]: all time low means the
earnings also increased, despite the fact that both of them augmented during this period. lowest of all time

Given these facts, the economic status of women in China is not very optimistic. The
government is working to make the guarantee of equal employment opportunities
between women and men (Permanent Mission of the Peoples Republic of China to the
United Nations Office at Geneva and Other International Organizations in Switzerland,
n.d.). During a period of five years starting from 1998, 2.5 million women got re- [jr10]: remember to shorten
employed, thanks to the small-sum credit loans offered by womens federations long titles in ITCs
nationwide (Permanent Mission of the Peoples Republic of China to the United Nations
Office at Geneva and Other International Organizations in Switzerland, n.d.). Such
efforts in China contribute to womens economic independence.

Conclusion
[jr11]: Things can improve or
Generally speaking, the status of women in China is improving in the right direction, with move in the right direction, but not
more and more women getting access to education and finding their places in political both.
structure. However, gender equality in China has not yet been achieved, since in upper
educational and political levels, women are still the minorities, while the condition of
employment and payment in work place is even worse. Thus, to further improve female
status and attain gender equality in China, there is still much to be done. [jr12]: Great work with your
conclusion, you sum up your factor
paragraphs without sounding
repetitive.

Grammar analysis key with examples

.. = article

.. = verb tense/ wrong tense, problem forming the verb, or subject-verb

.. = word form

.. = word choice - inaccurate word choice or collocation

.. = noun ending/ singular or plural

.. = sentence structure- punctuation, confusing grammar, or word order

problem

.. = word missing

.. = pronoun reference unclear

Examples below

.. = article
It is a most interesting book I have read. Steve Jobs is the leader of the Apple.

.. = verb tense/ wrong tense, problem forming the verb, or subject-verb error
We didnt completed the job yesterday. Disposing of electronics properly becomes a
major issue.

.. = word form
Her father is the most success software engineer in the firm.

.. = word choice - inaccurate word choice or collocation

The team is putting emphasis to their defense. Hybrid vehicles need more workers for
production.

.. = noun ending/ singular or plural

We have enough homeworks to last a week. The wastes have to be dealt with properly.
.. = sentence structure- punctuation, confusing grammar, or word order problem
I like apples they are delicious. The manager bought yesterday a new computer.

.. = word missing
They are interested going with us to the concert.

.. = pronoun reference unclear

We enjoyed the book and the movie, but it was more violent.

Status of Women in China

Introduction

Gender equality is an ever-evolving issue around the world. While men and women are
born physically different, they should share equal rights and responsibilities in the society
and be treated equally in education, politics, and employment. However, the actual
situation is not optimistic enough. Data from World Bank show that, between 2010 and
2016, the gender equality rating declined year by year, from 3.435 to 3.24 (2017). It
requires the joint effort of governments and the United Nations alike, to promote gender
equality and improve the status of women.

In China, gender equality was written in the constitution in 1954. Since then, the
government has brought in legislation to ensure equal rights between males and females.
Achievements are made during the years, but at the same time, many problems remain
unsolved. This report examines the status of women in China by focusing on three
aspects: womens access to education, political participation and economic independence.

Access to Education

As a general trend in China, more and more women are having access to education, [jr13]: usually, you would use
present progressive tense in this
especially in secondary and higher education. Since the establishment of the Peoples
situation. However, with have, it is
Republic of China (PRC), relevant legislation has led to the booming of female education. used less often. Better to use:
Bailey argues that, the legislation after 1978, take the Compulsory Education Law of more and more women have access to
1986 as an example, helped to expand the enrollment of women in secondary education ed
level (as cited in Sinha Mukherjee, 2015). According to World Bank, the rates of Chinese [jr14]: a boom in
women enrolled in secondary education surpass that of men (as cited in Sinha Mukherjee,
2015). For example, in 2006, the educational attainment of males in upper secondary
education was 16.5%, while that of female was 18.7%. The percentage rose to 16.6 and
19.9 of males and females respectively in 2010 (Sinha Mukherjee, 2015). Clearly, a more
rapid increase can be seen in the educational attainment of females in upper secondary
education.
[jr15]: in higher education.
However, females are still left behind by males in advanced educational level. According
to the data from National Bureau of Statistics China (2015), women accounted for
approximately 52.4% of the Masters degree graduates, while only 42% of the graduates
in Doctors degree were females.

Political Participation

Improvement can be seen in Chinese womens political participation over the years. A
good example is to examine the number of female representatives in the National
Peoples Congress of China (NPCC), which is held every 5 years. In 1954, when the first
NPCC took place after the PRC was established, women represented 12% of all the
representatives, and the percentage climbed to 22.6% in 1975, during a period of 20 years
(Zeng, 2014). However, the figure almost remained the same in the following years, with
only a slight rise in the 12th NPCC (2013), which was 23.4% (The Beijing News, 2016).
Until quite recently, womens participation in politics still lags far behind their male
counterparts. [jr16]: check grammar: womens
participation lagged behind their male
When it comes to top levels of Chinese political structure, women are even more counterparts
disadvantaged. For example, women only occupied 6.37% in the Central Committee of
the Chinese Communist Party, during the years between 2007 and 2012. (Zeng, 2014).
Since the standard created by the United Nations for the proportion of women in political
structure is 30%, there is still a long way for China to amplify the political participation
for females.

Economic Independence

While resent years see the steady increase of Chinese economy, women employment
rates in China, unfortunately, are showing an opposite trend. As is shown in the
International Labor Organization (ILO), between 1990 and 2014, female work
participation rate dropped 9%, from 73% to 64% (Erdenebileg, 2016). If compare female
employment rate with male employment rate, it can be found that since 2000, the gap
between the two has widened significantly, with employment rate of women plunging
during a five-year period and reaching an all-time low since 1990 (Chi & Li, 2013).
Similarly, according to Chi and Li (2013), the gap between men and women mean
earnings also increased, despite the fact that both of them augmented (proliferate?)during [jr17]: transitive
this period.

Given these facts, the economic status of women in China is not very optimistic. The
government is working to make the guarantee of equal employment opportunities
between women and men (Permanent Mission of the Peoples Republic of China to the
United Nations Office at Geneva and Other International Organizations in Switzerland,
n.d.). During a period of five years starting from 1998, 2.5 million women got re-
employed, thanks to the small-sum credit loans offered by womens federations
nationwide (Permanent Mission of the Peoples Republic of China to the United Nations
Office at Geneva and Other International Organizations in Switzerland, n.d.). Such
efforts in China contribute to womens economic independence.

Conclusion

Generally speaking, the status of women in China is improving in the right direction, with
more and more women getting access to education and finding their places in political
structure. However, gender equality in China has not yet been achieved, since in upper
educational and political levels, women are still the minorities, while the condition of
employment and payment in work place is even worse. Thus, to further improve female
status and attain gender equality in China, there is still much to be done.

[jr18]: Good work on your

References reference page formatting!

Chen, L. & Dai, X. (2016, March). Rates of Female Representatives in National Peoples
Congress Increased 11% in 59 Years. The Beijing News. Retrieved from
http://www.bjnews.com.cn/graphic/2016/03/07/396273.html

Chi, W. & Li, B. (2014). Trends in Chinas gender employment and pay gap: Estimating
gender pay gaps with employment selection, Comparative Economics, 42(3), 708-
725. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jce.2013.06.008.

Erdenebileg, Z. (2016). Holding up Half the Sky? Assessing the Current State of
Female Employment in China. China Business Review, 1-1. Retrieved from
http://eds.b.ebscohost.com/eds/detail/detail?vid=19&sid=81ed00ae-5dbe-461f-ae61-
710f51b41ce7%40sessionmgr103&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWRzLWxpdmU%3d#AN=1
17899847&db=mth

National Bureau of Statistics China. (2015). Number of Postgraduate Students by

Academic Field. Retrieved from http://www.stats.gov.cn/tjsj/ndsj/2016/indexeh.htm

Permanent Mission of the Peoples Republic of China to the United Nations Office at
Geneva and Other International Organizations in Switzerland. (n.d.). Gender
Equality and Women's Development in China. Retrieved from http://www.china-
un.ch/eng/rqrd/jblc/t210715.htm

Sinha Mukherjee, S. (2015). More educated and more equal? A comparative analysis of
female education and employment in Japan, China and India. Gender And
Education, 27(7), 846-870. Retrieved from
http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/09540253.2015.1103367
The World Bank. (2017). CPIA gender equality rating. Retrieved from
https://data.worldbank.org/indicator/IQ.CPA.GNDR.XQ

Zeng, B. (2014). Women's political participation in china: Improved or not? Journal of

International Women's Studies, 15(1), 136-150. Retrieved from
https://search.proquest.com/docview/1504068942?accountid=14496