Bonding and Parenting

Alan Challoner MA MChS

ABSTRACT
Nature/Nurture, secure and insecure attachment theories have abounded for
many years. There can be no doubt that not only is there an input from genetic
inheritance and developmental environment, but that each child grows and
develops as an individual. It is therefore only possible to theorise in the general
concept on how a child will develop, or can develop. That said there is also no
doubt that the relationship between child and mother/parent imposes a very
real effect on outcome and will determine many of the personalities of the adult.

There is reason to suppose that the child’s well-being in infancy and childhood is
related to the environment in these early years. It has also been shown, from
the longitudinal studies of maternal behaviour, that similar positive correlations
are found when the child is only three to 12 months old. 1
Parenting can be assessed on the Dyadic Adjustment Scale– a 32-item scale
assessing quality of the relationship between mates. Mates are asked to indicate
the approximate extent of agreement or disagreement in fifteen areas (e.g.,
family finances, household tasks). They are asked to indicate how often they
engage in behaviour in seven areas (e.g., confiding in mate, quarrelling with
mate), how often they do things together, how recently they have been too tired
for sex, how happy the relationship is, and how they feel about the future of the
relationship..
Rutter has written:
… what has stood the test of time most of all has been the proposition that qualities of
parent-child relationships constitute a central aspect of parenting. The development of
social relationships occupies a crucial rôle in personality growth, and abnormalities in
relationships are important in many types of psycho-pathology.2

However some authorities have argued that insecure attachment (as a trait) is
not responsible in a child for subsequent negative social behaviour or psycho-
pathology. The assumption that we are dealing here with an either/or situation
in respect of outcome or potential outcome is unsatisfactory. As Lewis & Feiring
state, although we may find children who have had inadequate social or
psychological development, becoming behaviourally, intellectually or
psychologically impaired, that does not give an adequate account of why some
children with similar backgrounds do not develop adversely.
There is no reason to assume that it must be attachment as a trait, or
environmental circumstances that bring about particular outcomes. It seems
probable that it could be a composite effect. Indeed rationally, even the
maternal attachment sequence of events is basically environmental. Everything
that happens externally to a child after conception is environmental.
What we are probably encompassing here is a pattern of effects that impinge
upon the child. During its foetal growth, the maternal effect is by far the
greatest, after birth it may continue to be a larger part of affective
circumstances. As the child matures this maternal effect may lessen for one
child at a greater rate than for another.
The formulae then is a combination of maternal (and important others) effect
together with that of the environment. To what extent poor parenting is
counteracted by an otherwise good environment and vice versa, will determine
outcomes for each child, with the added component of its genetic inheritance.
Perhaps the word ‘bonding’ itself causes problems. So let us see what exactly
we mean by the term. It seems to have been introduced from the work of
Lorenz, around the 1950s. Bowlby describes it as. “… A special relationship
developed by individuals…” He goes on to accept that it has been hijacked from
ethology and used to describe human relationships.3 Special relationships
between people usually involve feelings of love, and loving one’s baby draws a
parent closer to it. They want to cherish it, do their best for it, give it everything
that it needs to grow and mature into an independent person.
To do that it needs particular, if not special, attributes of giving and receiving.
Mothers should know how to respond to their babies’ needs, and usually will do
so better than anyone else. The reason for this is that they are closer, more
often than others, and they are therefore more in tune with its emotions and
very soon get to know how to respond. That is of course if they want to. If they
do, then this attitude will lead to bonding quite quickly; if not, then it will be
delayed or may not be of the sort of quality that it could have been. Mothers
who are comfortable with their baby and respond to it adequately, will assist the
child to develop a secure attachment.
All of this preliminary caring and affective responding is to do with a developing
relationship between mother and child a relationship that is based on their
interaction, and that focuses on the child’s well-being and growth towards
maturity and independence. The parents’ protection, control and assistance in
the early part of its life will predispose the child towards a successful growth, not
just a physical one but an ability to choose goals, make decisions and to learn
skills.
Carroll Davis called this parental permission, parental respect for the child. The
mark of success will be measured by its behaviour, and this will reflect through
the child’s eyes what his parents have done for him. He will know if he has been
cared for and respected, and this positive reciprocal trust are the foundation of
the child’s maturity. A child grows when his needs are met, and he moves from
the outer controls of his parents to the inner controls of himself.4
Several researchers have investigated the conditions in which a mother more or
less readily bonds with a new-born infant.5 Three studies published during the
early to mid-1980s vary in their views. Myers’ appreciation of the literature of
her time suggests that it is accepted that bonding (when present) occurs soon
after birth and is characterised by an affectionate attachment of a mother to her
infant (not to be confused with the psychological attachment that occurs in the
other direction). She also maintains that there isn’t a critical period during which
this takes place. Myers advises that the original idea of a substantial separation
in the first post-partum hours, damaging the bonding development, is not
supported by later research. Indeed she goes as far as to say that early and
extended contact is not crucial to the mother-infant bond, despite the ethological
studies that confirm it in other species. Notwithstanding these comments she
pays credit to researchers, particularly Kennell and Klaus, for the important
emphasis that has been placed on humanistic birthing practices.6
Chess and Thomas7 express their certainty that from studies they have
researched there is no need for a special type of relationship in the immediate
post-natal period in order to accomplish bonding. Herbert et al.,8 find no
corroboration of a sensitive period in the formation of mother to infant bonding.
They comment further that the concept is a negative one, finding other nurturing
concepts to be more practical.
Later work points to sensitive periods in relation to neuro-physiological
development.9 There are an extremely large number of synaptic connections
forming between neurons during the early development of the brain. Which of
these survive depends upon the motor or sensory experiences that are occurring
at the time of development. During this phase of activity there may be
processes that are curtailed prematurely if certain innate requirements are
diminished or absent.
Kennell & Klaus10 offer evidence that immediate post-partum contact with the
new-born infant facilitates the rapid bond formation that in turn results in a
confident and loving care, so ensuring the optimum infant development. Thus
they assumed that, in optimum conditions, bonding (mother to infant) will occur
rapidly, but attachment (infant to mother) develops only gradually during the
first six months or so of life. They also found that the baby subjects outpaced
controls in their physical and intellectual development. However they seem
satisfied that calculated bonding is not a pre-requisite for good attachment, and
that there are other worthy practices that will ease the way to a satisfactory
development. Kennell and Klaus11 have concluded that where there is some lack
of sympathy for these ideas of bonding it may be owing to the very variable
practices in hospitals and the many complex factors involved.
Others have thrown doubt on the experimental results, suggesting that the
actual circumstances of the study could have influenced the outcome. These
generally propose that as many of the studies are hospital based there must be
awareness by the mothers that they are being observed and therefore the
dimensions of their care may not be typical. In another report, Kennell & Klaus 12
had reported that mothers who had established physical contact with their child
from birth exhibited more physical affection and were more positive towards
them by the time they were a year old.

It does seem that the major requirements for bonding are:

• sustained physical contact;
• sensitivity to the infant’s signals, together with an appropriate response;
• the provision of comfort when distressed.
Parke confers a bonding status to the father-infant relationship in optimum
circumstances.13 This is considered vital and needs encouragement according to
de Courval et al. They state that when the father is regularly present and
attentive towards his new-born child in its early days there will be strong
bonding. They suggest that professionals should further this prospect.14
1
Lewis, M.; & Feiring, C. Attachment as Personal Characteristic or a Measure of
the Environment. In Gewirtz, J.L.; & Kurtines, W.M. [Eds.] Intersections with Attachment. L.
Erlbaum Assoc., Hillsdale, NJ, USA; 1991.
2
Rutter, M. A fresh look at ‘maternal deprivation’. In Bateson, P. [Ed.] The Development
and Integration of Behaviour: Essays in honour of Robert Hinde. Cambridge, CUP; [pp.,
331-374]; 1991.
3
Bowlby, J. In Gregory, R.L. [Ed.] The Oxford Companion to The Mind. Oxford, Oxford Univ.
Press, 1987.
4
Davis, Carroll. Room to Grow: A study of parent-child relationships. London, Univ.
London Press, 1967.
5
Leiderman, P. H., & Seashore, M. J. Mother-infant neonatal separation: Some delayed
consequences. In Parent-infant interaction. Ciba Foundation Symposium 33 (new series).
Amsterdam, Elsevier. 1975
6
Myers, B.J. Mother-Infant Bonding: The status of this crucial period hypothesis.
Development Review; 4(3); [pp., 240-274 & 283-288]; 1984.
7
Chess, S.; & Thomas, A. Infant Bonding: Mystique and reality. Annual Progress in Child
Psychiatry & Child Development. [pp., 48-62]; 1983.
8
Herbert, M.; Sluckin, W.; & Sluckin, A. Mother-to-Infant Bonding. Annual Progress in
Child Psychiatry & Child Development. [pp., 63-84]; 1983.
9
Bertenthal, B.I.; & Campos, J.J. New Directions in the Study of Early Experience. Child
Development; 58(3); [pp., 560-567]; 1987.
10
Kennell, J.H.; & Klaus, M.H. Maternal-Infant Bonding. St Louis, USA. Mosby. 1976.
11
Kennell, J.H.; & Klaus, M.H. Mother-Infant Bonding: Weighing the evidence.
Developmental Review, 4(3); [pp., 275-282]; 1984.
12
Kennell, J.H.; & Klaus, M.H. Parent to Infant Attachment. In Stevens, J.H.; & Mathews,
M. [Eds.] Mother-Child, Father-Child Relationships. Washington, DC. USA. National Assoc.
Educ. Young Child. 1978.
13
Parke. R. D. Perspectives on father-infant interaction. In Handbook of infant
development, ed. J. D. Osofsky. New York: Wiley. 1979.
14
De Courval, J.; & Goulet, C. Encouraging Bonding between Fathers and Newborns.
Canada’s Mental Health. 33(4); [pp., 9-11]; 1985.

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Author: Alan Challoner MA (Phil) MChS
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