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The ABCs of Etiquette

10 Powerful Persuasion
Techniques for Establishing
Rapport
Author

Derek Smith
Investor from Bowie, Maryland
PREVIOUS POST
Top 10 Negotiation Dirty Tricks

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by Derek A. Smith AKA Dr. Negotiator

Anybody who loves real estate probably loves it because they realize that it can achieve their
dreams and earn a great living.

In other words, they love persuasion, which boils down to these three keys: establish rapport,
establish rapport and establish rapport. You cant really have a persuasive power over people
unless you have their trustand you cant have their trust if you dont take the time to build a
relationship. A solid relationship is the groundwork for persuasion.
But how do you create that relationshiphow do you build that rapport? In coming articles
Im going to run a series on developing persuasive power. But for now, to get you started,
here are ten ideas you can actually start using this very day:

1. Know what you want. You have to understand what makes you tick before you will ever
be persuasive. You have to understand what you want out of life and who you are. What
drives you? Is it power or money? Making people happy? Who are you? Powerful persuasion
starts with soul searching questions.
2. Make people feel like the center of the universe. Get your head out of your rear and start
caring about other people. Start treating them like royalty and you will begin to have
incredible influence over their lives.
3. Compliment people constantly. People love to be complemented. Yes, its flattery, but
there is nothing like buttering people upeven if they know that is what you are doing.
People love to feel like the center of the universe, and they like to be told good things about
themselves. That bolsters their ego and self-esteem, so do it! For you its like investing in that
person that allows you to make withdrawals when the time comes.
4. Remember peoples name. Dont you love it when someone remembers your name
Well so do they. You cant really start to make someone feel like the center of the universe if
you dont remember their name, can you? Look for tricks to do that.
5. Give power to other people. This includes things like freedom and purpose. Give them
room to make decisions and make them see the bigger purpose. Help them achieve their
dreams and you are giving them power. As is said, if you help others to achieve their dreams
you too will achieve yours.
6. Be positive. No one likes a negative person. Even if a negative situation arises, you can
control and influence people if you can find ways to remain solid and upbeat even in the
midst of a storm. That kind of influence attracts people. You can also help avoid people
making bad decisions by guiding them towards thinking about situations and questions when
they are not so emotionalwhether positively or negatively.
7. Understand the person. Of course, if you dont know anything about your prospect, you
really dont know what to give them to influence them. Take the time to get to know your
prospect or client. Try to invest as much time into the relationship as you invest into getting
the deal closed.
8. Develop a sense of humor. Have you ever noticed that some of the most influential
people are very funny? They like people and they like to make them laugh. Give it a
trylearn a few jokes, learn how to tell a story and start making people laugh.
9. Ask better questions. You can influence people by simply asking questions. Ask the
right questions and you will be irresistible.
10. Relax. Even the most influential people lose. When that happens to you, dont take
yourself so serious. Learn from your mistakes and move on.
Following these techniques will put you on the path to building your power to persuade.

Derek A. Smith is an expert at negotiations. He has completed doctorial work in


organizational leadership and conflict resolution and has eight degrees including three
masters degrees, one an MBA and one in project management. Derek has taught
negotiating and persuasion skills for over 20 years to thousands of individuals while teaching
graduate and undergraduate business students at a number of universities, colleges, and
private institutions. In the Air Force and Army he honed his negotiation and persuasion skills
as an undercover narcotics agent, counterintelligence agent, and Army interrogator. His
successful military career led to his becoming a senior special agent for four government
agencies, including the Defense Intelligence Agency, US Treasury, and Postal Service. He
has perfected his skills working as a Principle Senior Consultant for such companies as Booz
Allen Hamilton, Computer Sciences Corporation, and Robert Half Technology. Derek is
currently building a successful real estate investing and success coaching businesses.

The purpose of introducing people is to give them an opportunity to know


each other. Beyond just stating names of the two parties, the person
making the introduction is often obligated to establish an acquaintance and
help the two parties initiate a conversation.

The Art of Making Introductions: Four Steps


The basic protocol of introductions calls for introducing the lesser-ranking
(socially, professionally, by age or seniority) to the higher-ranking person.
Here are four steps:

1. First, state the name of the person being introduced to. This is the
higher-ranking person.
2. Second, say I would like to introduce or, please meet or, this is,
etc.
3. Third, state the name of the person being introduced. This is the
lower-ranking person.
4. Finally, offer some details about each, as appropriate. As I wrote in a
previous article, add a snippet of information about a topic of common
interest between the two parties. Do not elaborate. This will help them
connect and pursue a conversation.

The foremost principle of etiquette for making introductions lies in


understanding reverence and respect. Here are some guidelines.

Higher Ranking Lower Ranking Example: Introduce lower-ranking person

Person Person to higher-ranking person

An older person A younger person Grandma, this is my neighbour, John


A senior A junior
Mrs. President, this is Mr. Analyst
professional professional

A team of
A customer Mr. Customer, this is my sales team
employees

A guest A host Ms. New Yorker, this is my daughter, Sarah

A guest from out-of-


A local guest Mr. Australian, this is my neighbour Janet
town

Peer from another Peer from your


Mr. IBMer, this is Ms. Edwards
company company

When introducing people of equal seniority or status, you may introduce


either person to the other.
Making Introductions: A Few Examples
Introduce a younger person to an older person. Grandma, please
meet Alicia and Carlos, my neighbors.
Introduce a relatively junior professional to a senior professional. Ms.
Director, I would like to introduce Mr. Nakamura, the Chief Product
Architect for our software division.
Introduce an employee to a customer. Mr. Sung, I would like to
introduce our plastics engineering team. This is Mark Smith, Jessica
Ramos and Liang Zhu. All three participated in last weeks
teleconference regarding product definition.
Introduce a host to a guest. Elaine, I dont think you have met my
daughter, Anna. Anna arranged for all the food at this festival party.
Anna, Elaine is my Project Manager.
Introduce a local guest to a guest from out-of-town. Charlie, this is
Debbie. Debbie is my colleague from work. Debbie, Charlie is visiting
me from New York. We shared an apartment when we were at
Columbia together.
Introduce a peer from your company to a peer from another
organization. Melissa, I would like you to meet Steve, our Systems
Engineer. Steve, Melissa Hoffmann is from Marketing. She is our
Account Manager for Wal-Mart.
Gender Distinction
Customarily, a number of people introduce a man to a woman out of
respect, regardless of the guidelines presented above.

When introducing a man and a woman at work, consider their positions and
seniorities alone. Outside of work, it may be more appropriate to introduce
a man to a woman, in contradiction to the above guidelines. Be judicious
and sensitive.

Concluding Thoughts
Many people have difficulty introducing people to one another and helping
initiate a conversation. With some practice and a sense of social and/or
professional ranking, you too can master the art of introduction.

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Business Body Language: Handshakes, Eye Contact, Posture, and


Smiles
Your body language, i.e your demeanor, impacts your success. It's vital that you know how to act
when you get to a conference, after-hours, meeting or trade show to make the most effective and
efficient use of your time ... and to attract those people whom you want to do with business with
and add to your network.
The success of any encounter begins the moment someone lays eyes on you. One of the first
things they notice about you is your aura, that distinctive atmosphere that surrounds you. You
create it, and you are responsible for what it says about you and whom it attracts. Your aura
enters with you and starts speaking long before your open your mouth. Since body language
conveys more than half of any message in any face-to-face encounter, how you act is vital to
your aura.

1) Posture
One of the first key things people notice is how you carry and present yourself. Do you walk and
stand with confidence like your mother taught you?

Stomach in
Chest out
Shoulders back
Head up

Or do you slouch, perhaps with your shoulders drooping, your head forward and your stomach
protruding? Are you saying to people that you are not sure of yourself, are not poised and,
therefore, not the one they should seek out and get to know? You may be turning people away
without even being aware of it.

Command respect by standing tall and claiming the space to which you are entitled. Plant your
feet about six to eight inches apart with one slightly in front of the others. My workshop attendees
always remark about how this positioning makes them feel "grounded," "rooted" and "balanced"
... great ways to start any encounter!

You also tell people through your posture if you are want others to approach you. For instance, if
you are talking with one other person and the two of you are forming a rectangle, you will give
the message that you have "closed off" your space and don't want to be interrupted. If you doubt
me, stand by two people who are in the rectangular position and see how long you go
unacknowledged. The two will see you out of their peripheral vision, but won't include you until
they have finished their "private" conversation. If, on the other hand, the two of you stand with
your feet pointed outward like two sides of an incomplete triangle, you will be inviting others into
the conversation. You can make that all-important eye contact.

2) Handshakes
Another vital component you need to bring to any interpersonal encounter is a firm handshake.
Again, those few seconds you "shake" can empower or weaken a relationship. Men's
handshakes are typically strong and firm because they naturally have a stronger grip.

Women, get a grip and be noticed! I once got a client because the man I shook hands with
remarked about my strong handshake and asked what I did. He decided it was time to hire me to
teach his people how to shake hands, too!

Being familiar with the following handshakes will help you immensely in your relationship-building
activities:

Controller
A person extends his hand to you, web-to-web, and as soon as your hands are linked, he
purposely maneuvers his hand onto the top. He's telling you he wants to be in charge. Keep that
in mind as the interaction continues.
Sandwich
Use this one only with people you know. When you envelop another person's hands, you are
invading their private space ... where you are to be only when invited. Society promotes the
standard handshake but is not as tolerant of using both hands. By the way, this handshake is
also known as the politician's handshake ... which may be cause enough for most people to
avoid it!
Dead Fish
Imagine rubbing a scaly, dead fish in your hands ... and you got the picture. Your hands typically
are wet for two reasons: You are nervous or you have been holding a cold beverage in your right
hand and move it to your left just before you shake hands. In either case, it is extremely
unpleasant for the receiver. If you experience anxiety, wipe your hands on a napkin, the
tablecloth or even lightly on your clothes. What you spend at the dry cleaners will be paid for
quickly by the better impression you make. As for the beverage, use common sense.
Limp Fingers
Women, far more than men, extend their fingers rather than their entire hand. It can be painful for
the extender, when she is greeted by a man who shakes with his forceful grip. Men tell me this
frequently leads to their giving women a lighter handshake. Professional women respond that
they want to be treated equally. One of the ways to combat this syndrome is to always extend
you full hand (never cup it) horizontally, even if your grip is light.
Ingredients of a Good Handshake

Hold the person's hand firmly.


Shake web-to-web, three times maximum.
Maintain constant eye contact.
Radiate positive aura.

3) Eye Contact
Make it and keep it! Not only does focused eye contact display confidence on your part, it also
helps you understand what the other person is really saying verbally.
When the eyes say one thing, and the tongue another, a practiced man relies on the language of
the first. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Looking someone in the eye as you meet and talk with him/her also shows you are paying
attention. Listening is the most important human relations skill, and good eye contact plays a
large part in conveying our interest in others.
When to look
Begin as soon as you engage someone in a conversation. However, you may wish to start even
earlier if you are trying to get someone's attention. Continue it throughout the conversation. Be
sure to maintain direct eye contact as you are saying "good-bye." It will help leave a positive,
powerful lasting impression.
Where to look
Imagine an inverted triangle in your face with the base of it just above your eyes. The other two
sides descend from it and come to a point between your nose and your lips. That's the
suggested area to "look at" during business conversations. Socially, the point of the triangle
drops to include the chin and neck areas. When people look you "up and down," it's probably
more than business or a casual social situation they have in mind!
How long to look
I suggest about 80 - 90 percent of the time. Less than that can be interpreted as discomfort,
evasiveness, lack of confidence or boredom. When you stare longer, it can be construed as
being too direct, dominant or forceful and make the other person uncomfortable. It's okay to
glance down occasionally as long as your gaze returns quickly to the other person. Avoid looking
over the other person's shoulders as if you were seeking out someone more interesting to talk
with.
4) Smiles
Smiles are an important facial expression. They show interest, excitement, empathy, concern;
they create an upbeat, positive environment. Smiles can, however, be overused. Often, men
smile when they are pleased; women smile to please. You know which is the most powerful!

To gain and increase respect, first establish your presence in a room, then smile. It is far more
professional than to enter a room giggling or "all smiles."

As you review and tweak your body language for your next interpersonal encounter, I suggest
you keep in mind another Emerson saying:
What you are stands over you the while and thunders so that I cannot hear what you say to the
contrary.

Dress For Success: Creating a Professional Image


The success of any personal encounter begins the second someone lays eyes on you ... often
long before either of you speaks. A professional image - appearance and behavior - helps start
the experience in the right vein since people decide 10 things about you within 10 seconds of
seeing you.

The business casual look that really took hold in the 1990s workplace has made it more difficult
to look as professional and powerful as before B.C. While some laud the trend, others think it
shows less respect for self and others.

Dress for the occasion.


If the occasion is business,
Then dress as if you mean business.

Women frequently suffer more negative career consequences from business casual dress than
men because they have far more choices. Women often choose leggings, stirrup pants, mini
skirts and skorts. For men, casual typically means pants and a shirt or sweater. Their biggest
fault may be to choose jeans or sweat pants or muscle T-shirts.

Learning the art of impression management - planning how you look and how you act to get a
certain reaction - is sure to impact your career or business more favorably!

You tell others how to treat you. Your business associates and coworkers mirror whether you
want to be treated as Number One or Number Ten in your area of expertise and how much
respect you want.

How You Do It - Appearance-wise


Color, style and fit provide the one, two, three punch in your appearance arena. Color affects
people physically and psychologically, and business casual doesn't change that.
Color
Dark colors - black, navy and darker shades of gray - psychologically connote power,
authority, knowledge, responsibility, and success.

Brown shows that you are dependable and stable - however you lack power and authority.

White is a good choice for a blouse or shirt since it connotes clean, formal and
sophisticated.

Pastels denote softness and femininity.

Every color has a message of its own. How you put them together sends your message.
Style
Here again business casual takes its toll, if it's power and professionalism you want to
convey.
A suit coat with long sleeves, slightly padded shoulders and a collar make you appear one-
third more powerful. (You sales will come easier when you know when to take your suit
jacket off in a sales call and when to put it back on!)
Shoulder pads add authority.
Pleats and darts add bulks.
Vertical lines formed by classic three-button jackets contribute to the illusion of heights, as
do pin stripes.
Single-breasted jackets with a center vent are best for men and women of average height.
Double-breasted jackets complement taller people.
Fit
Few people have "hanger figures." Almost all of you need help to make your clothes look as
if they were made for you. Many stores offer free tailoring. If not, find a neighborhood tailor
who can do wonders with a nip here and tuck there. Take the shoes and any other items you
will wear with the garment so your tailor can work with the real thing.

Knowing that you have chosen the right color, style and fit for the occasion will give you
increased self-confidence and add immeasurably to your presentation ... of yourself and your
products and services.

What you wear reveals eight things about you


Self-esteem
How you dress is your love of self made tangible to the world. When you wear ill-fitting,
soiled, torn, tattered clothing, it can make others aware of a poor sense of self-worth. What
people see on the outside lets them know you feel about yourself on the inside. Image is the
tip of the iceberg, yet it adds immeasurably to helping people understand what's going on
inside you.
Self-respect
How you wear it and what you choose to wear show others how much you respect yourself.
Few people come even close to naturally having a "perfect" shape or size. Those who respect
themselves know how to dress to emphasize strengths and minimize body flaws. Respect for
self is lacking in women who in the workplace wear skirts that are too short, necklines that
are too low, pants that are too tight; for men who wear long pants that are too "short," ties
with spots, jeans with holes; and with anyone who gains weight and then wears clothes that
used to fit. Self-respect plays a big part in knowing/wearing the acceptable thing socially and
professionally. .
Confidence
The way you carry yourself contributes greatly to the air of confidence others perceive. What
you wear also contributes to that look of confidence. When I wear a hat, inevitably men and
women will say to me they love the confidence I portray. Some women say they would love
to wear hats but are afraid they can't carry it off. Men and women both say how it completes
a woman's outfit. Your goal is to create an aura of confidence and assuredness when you
walk into a room. Make sure your clothing contributes its part!
Organizational skills
Even people who don't like to file or plan the details of an event need to appear organized in
their clothing color and style choices. You want to create a unified look from head to foot,
without calling attention to any one item or color. Frequently in my "Polishing Your
Professional Presence" workshops, I will ask attendees up front to describe what they think
our time together will be like ... knowing they have been sizing me up, even though I have
only said a few words.

I remember the man who said, "organized, because everything from your suit to your blouse
to your shoes to your hose to your jewelry is coordinated and looks as if it came together."

Recruiters tell me they use appearance to judge organizational skills. If they know where the
potential employee parked, they may send someone to walk around the car to see if it looks
clean and orderly ... or if it resembles the refuse bin for a fast-food restaurant or the
repository for a week's clothing that needs to be taken to the cleaners.

Soundness of judgment
Knowing and wearing the right outfit for the right occasion is an important indicator of
whether you can make the right decisions at work, too. When I owned a business leads group
and held after-hour events, most of the attendees wore suits or business casual wear. The
member who owned a singles dating service and came attired in black velvet slacks, a
rhinestone-studded strapless top and a black shawl turned more than one eye! She may have
been dressed appropriately for one of her events, but not for a business event. She made a
statement, and judging by all the comments I received, I doubt it was the one she wanted to
make. Know when to wear a suit, business casual or formal attire to blend in appropriately.
Attention to detail
About 90 percent of your body is clothed in business - the remaining 10 percent of your
impression is made through your grooming and includes manicured nails, trimmed mustache
and beard, lack of a 5 o'clock shadow, neat and attractive hair style and the right amount of
makeup and jewelry that can be seen and not heard.
Creativity
While some jobs allow more creative expression than others, all of them permit you to
individualize at least a bit. Express your uniqueness through a special tie and matching
hankie, a scarf or a special or exquisite piece of jewelry. Maybe your mark will become the
special way you tie a scarf or how you find just the right one to complement or coordinate
with your suit and blouse ... or maybe a pair of cuff links that looks expensive yet apropos for
your important meeting.
Reliability
The sum of the above adds up to how reliable you are ... from the big picture to the details.
Can you be counted on to look and behave in a professional manner wherever your job takes
you?
Lillian D. Bjorseth, according to the The Chicago Tribune, is a "networking expert". The Association Forum of
Chicagoland calls her "the business networking authority". She's a speaker, trainer and author who helps entrepreneurs
through Fortune 100 employees build high-value relationships by honing their business development, business
networking and communication skills. For more information, visit www.duoforce.com.
Read all advice by Lillian D. Bjorseth; Find more Business Attire experts
More advice on Business Attire
Business Attire for Women
What is Business Casual?
all Business Attire articles

Proper Business Attire


Do you ever wonder where all the dress rules have gone? Depending on when and where you
are on any given business day, the words "distant past" might come to mind. It's difficult to
decide if people don't know what to wear to work or if they have lost sight of the relevance of
appearance to professional success.

The Queen of England is reported to have told Prince Charles, "Dress gives one the outward
sign from which people can judge the inward state of mind. One they can see, the other they
cannot." Clearly, she was saying what many people are reluctant to accept; that people judge us
by the way we dress. In all situations, business and social, our outward appearance sends a
message.
Try going to a busy restaurant at lunchtime. Look around you at what people are wearing and
see if you don't make judgments about who they are, their line of business, their personalities
and their competencies. Think about how you feel when you are dressed in your usual business
attire as opposed to casual dress. Your choice of business apparel speaks to your professional
behavior and credibility. It is important to understand how to dress for business if you wish to
promote yourself and your organization in a positive manner,

How you dress depends on four factors: the industry in which you work, the job you have within
that industry, the geographic area in which you live; and most importantly, what your client
expects to see.

Proper Business Attire for Men


In men's clothing, fashion does not change significantly from season to season but proper
business attire is about being professional and not about being fashionable. It's about presenting
yourself in a way that makes your clients feel comfortable and confident with you. Dressing for
success is still the rule. The professional businessman should keep in mind these few points
when deciding what to wear to work.

Choose a conservative suit in navy, black or gray either pinstripe or solid. The quality of the
material speaks as loudly as the color and can make the difference between sleaze and suave.
A solid white or blue dress shirt with long sleeves offers the most polished look. The more pattern
and color you add, the more the focus is on your clothing, rather than your professionalism.
Ties should be made of silk or a silk-like fabric. Avoid the cartoon characters and go for simple
and subtle if you want to enhance your credibility.
Socks should be calf-length or above. Make sure they match not only what you are wearing, but
also each other. A quick glance in good light before heading out the door can save
embarrassment later in the day. Check for holes as well if you'll be going through airport security
and removing your shoes.
Shoes should without question be conservative, clean and well polished. Lace-up shoes are the
choice over slip-ons or flip flops. Don't think for a minute that people don't notice shoes. Many
people will look at your feet before your face.
Belts need to match or closely coordinate with your shoes. Once again, quality counts.
Keep jewelry to a minimum. In a time when men sport gold necklaces, bracelets and earrings,
the business professional should limit himself to a conservative watch, a wedding band and
maybe his college ring.
Personal hygiene is part of the success equation. Freshly scrubbed wins out over heavily
fragranced any day of the week. Save the after-shave for after hours, but never the shave itself.
The finishing touch for the business man is his choice of accessories: briefcase, portfolio and
pen. When it comes to sealing the deal, a top of the line suit, a silk tie and a good pair of leather
shoes can lose their affect when you pull out the ball point pen you picked up in the hotel
meeting room the day before.

Proper Business Attire for Women


When women entered the workplace in the 1970's and 1980's in greater numbers than ever
before and began to move into positions which had traditionally been held by men, many of them
believed that they needed to imitate male business attire. The result was women showing up at
the office in skirted suits or coordinated skirts and jackets with tailored blouses finished off with
an accessory item that looked very much like a man's tie. Happily those days are gone. While the
business woman may now wear trousers to work, she does it out of a desire to appear
professional and at the same time enjoy the flexibility and comfort that pants offer over skirts. Her
goal is no longer to mirror her male colleagues.

The same overall rules apply to women's work attire as apply to men's. Business clothing is not a
reflection of the latest fashion trend. A woman should be noticed for who she is and her
professional skills rather than for what she wears. Her business wear should be appropriate for
her industry and her position or title within the industry.
Start with a skirted suit or pants suit for the most conservative look. A skirted suit is the most
professional. With a few exceptions, dresses do not offer the same credibility unless they are
accompanied by matching jackets.
Skirts should be knee-length or slightly above or below. Avoid extremes. A skirt more than two
inches above the knee raises eyebrows and questions.
Pants should break at the top of the foot or shoe. While Capri pants and their fashion cousins
that come in assorted lengths from mid-calf to ankle are the latest trend, they are out of place in
the conservative business environment.
Blouses and sweaters provide color and variety to woman's clothing, but they should be
appealing rather than revealing. Inappropriate necklines and waistlines can give the wrong
impression.
Women need to wear hose in the business world. Neutral or flesh-tone stockings are the best
choices. Never wear dark hose with light-colored clothing or shoes. Keep an extra pair of
stockings in your desk drawer unless the hosiery store is next door or just down the street from
the office.
Faces, not feet, should be the focal point in business so chose conservative shoes. A low heel is
more professional than flats or high heels. In spite of current fashion and the sandal rage, open-
toed or backless shoes are not office attire. Not only are sandals a safety hazard, they suggest a
certain official agenda.
When it comes to accessories and jewelry, less is once again more. Keep it simple: one ring per
hand, one earring per ear. Accessories should reflect your personality, not diminish your
credibility.

Business attire is different from weekend and evening wear. Investing in a good business
wardrobe is an investment in your professional future. For those who think it's not what you wear
but who you are that creates success, give that some more thought. Business skills and
experience count, but so does personal appearance and that all-important first impression.

Lydia Ramsey is a business etiquette expert, professional speaker, corporate trainer and author of "Manner
That Sell - Adding The Polish That Builds Profits". She has been quoted or featured in The New York Times,
Investors' Business Daily, Entrepreneur, Inc., Real Simple and Woman's Day. For more information about her
programs, products and services, e-mail Lydia or visit her web site www.manners thatsell.com.
Appearance Etiquettes

20 Personal Appearance Tips For The


Modern Workplace

The way you look plays a significant role in your success.


"The problem with appearance is that it translates to performance," Nicole
Williams, career expert at LinkedIn, tells Business Insider. "Even if your
boss doesn't think that they're thinking any less of you, they will
subconsciously think it."
"When you don't fit in, you're not as accepted and welcomed," says
Williams. And at some point, this could hurt your chances of getting a
promotion.
In today's workplace, where casual wear is becoming increasingly
popular, it can be tricky to understand the rules of appearance. We
talked to career and etiquette experts to get a better idea. Below are
20 rules every professional should follow:
1. Understand what's appropriate in your industry.
"Everyone draws their lines differently," says etiquette coach Barbara
Pachter . "For example, you may be able to wear shorts, but not
cutoffs. If your company has a dress code, follow it."
2. Make sure your clothes fit.
"If your clothes are too big or too small, they are not going to look
good. Ensuring a proper fit applies to everything you are wearing,"
says Pachter, and that includes clothing, shoes, and accessories.
"One interviewer said he was distracted by a man's short tie."

3. Don't be too sexy.


Not only is wearing inappropriate clothing distracting, it can also give off
an inaccurate impression. Avoid too-short hemlines, too-tall heels,
plunging necklines, and exposed under garments.
"A lot of women are oversexualized in the office," says Williams. "You
can wear a V-neck shirt, but make sure you keep your legs covered. People
end up discrediting themselves by looking too provocative."
Pachter agrees: "What do you want to be remembered for? What
you wore or what you said?"
4. Wear glasses that fit.
Make sure your glasses fit properly and aren't sliding down your
nose. You don't want to be playing with them all the time, says
Pachter. "This becomes distracting."
5. Dry your hair.
Never leave your house with wet hair, warns Williams. It makes you
look like you don't have your life together, which translates to not
having your career together.

6. Pay attention to your bag.


You don't want your personal things jutting out of your purse or
briefcase . Keep your bag clean on the inside, especially if it doesn't
have a zipper, which allows others to catch a glimpse inside from
time to time.
Williams also advises professionals not to wear knapsacks because
it looks " too collegiate."
7. Don't wear strong perfume.
"Anything that anyone else can smell is not good," says Williams. To get
an idea of whether someone can smell you or not, ask someone you trust.
8. Wearing nude pantyhose is hip.
Ever since Kate Middleton started wearing pantyhose in public, it quickly
became stylish again. "It gives you a more finished look," says Pachter.
9. Wear well-kept, polished shoes.
"One recruiter told me the first thing he notices about a candidate is his or
her shoes," says Pachter. "Make sure your shoes are polished and in good
condition."
10. Avoid ankle socks with slacks.
When you cross your legs and the pants slightly lift up, no skin should be
showing, says Pachter. Your socks need to be an appropriate length.
11. Get regular pedicures.
Williams tells us one of her biggest pet peeves is when women wear
open-toed shoes without getting pedicures. "If you're going to show
your toes, make sure your toes are well-groomed," she says.
12. Don't over-accessorize.
Accessories are meant to complement your outfit, not overpower it.
"I once met a woman who had a ring on every finger," Pachter tells
us. "You couldn't look at anything else."

13. Your jewelry shouldn't make noise.


It's really distracting when someone's dangly bangles make noises
when they move their arms, says Williams.

14. Pay attention to your watch.


"When I ask the participants in my etiquette classes to name the one
accessory that they notice most on both men and women, the watch is the
most common answer," says Pachter.
15. Facial hair shouldn't overwhelm your face.
No matter how much you want to grow a full, bushy beard, it just
might not work for you. Think about it like a haircut - not every cut
is going to look good on every person, says Adam P. Causgrove, CEO
of The American Mustache Institute .
How do you know what style will look good on you? Determine what
kind of face shape and features you have. Then find others with
similar features who are already sporting mustaches and beards,
and experiment with their cut and style.

16. Grow facial hair on a weekend or vacation.


You want to look like you've grown hair on purpose instead of just
being lazy and not shaving, says Causgrove.

Williams advises using a weekend or vacation time to grow beards


out, because "spotty beards make men look like 18-year-olds."

17. Trim your beard.


Facial hair needs to be kept trim and tidy to maintain a professional look.
Causgrove advises doing some research on the proper device. Electric
razors can be good for short, trimmed beards, and scissors are better for
mustaches, he says.
18. A goatee is rarely a good idea.
Any hair that's under your lower lip that isn't a beard is not a good
idea, says Pachter. "Do you want to be the only person [with it]? It
may work for you, it may work against you, but you need to make
that decision for yourself," she warns.
19. Wear rich colors to portray authority.
"Pay attention to your color choices," says Pachter. "Darker colors usually
convey a stronger impression than lighter ones." If you're giving a
presentation, make sure the color you're wearing doesn't blend in with the
background behind you.
20. Avoid neon colors and overly flashy clothes.
"Both men and women have to be cautious with bright colors," Patcher
says. Clothes that are too flashy can be distracting and the visual
equivalent of shouting.

Dress for success: The


importance of your
workplace attire
Business attire has changed significantly over the years, especially in the last 20 years. Too many
people have forgotten why proper business attire is important.

Some companies prefer to allow and even encourage employees to dress freely or casually for
comfort. This tends to work well in more creative work environments.
However, other companies will typically encourage and/or require a more defined and
professional dress code to maintain a professional image of themselves and the business, where
employees routinely interact on a daily basis with prospects, clients and business partners.
Conflicts arise when employees prefer to dress comfortably or in the most recent styles rather
than realize the importance for them to present themselves in a more professional or conservative
manner.
The major reason why dressing in proper business attire is important for every business
professional is because it presents a visual image and sends a message that the employees are
professional.
Another reason why dressing in proper business attire is important in the business world is
because you never know when you will be required to meet with someone from outside your
company. Your image to this outsider will be the image remembered of your company. In
business dealings this image and message needs to be professional. In reality, that image could
indirectly mean the difference between securing a new deal, contract or sale and losing the
opportunity to make that deal.
The importance of a dress code for professionalism varies somewhat by industry. However, the
correlation between the two is generally strong. Appearance ranked second only to
communication skills when respondents named qualities most often associated with
professionalism, according to a 2010 national poll conducted by the Center for Professional
Excellence at York College of Pennsylvania.
Matthew Randall, executive director of the CPE, said, "How an individual dresses for work can
be a powerful extension of his personal brand. Clothes, accessories and even the footwear an
employee chooses to wear help to reinforce or diminish his skills and qualities in the eyes of his
employer, co-workers and clients."
Although a one-size-fits-all or universal dress code may not be achievable or realistic, some
universal guidelines are possible and could include the following:
Be modest. It is most important to get attention for great work rather than gaining attention for
wearing the latest fashion fad or in appropriate leisure wear or sportswear found outside the office
at a sports event, party or beach.
Beware of casual Fridays. Casual Fridays have the potential to turn into real fashion disasters. It
is important to remember that the workweek has not ended on Thursday and that the images and
messages sent on Friday must be consistent with each of the previous days of the week.
Be comfortable. This applies to the fit of your attire and the comfort of the shoes you wear.
Comfort needs to trump fashion in the choices made.
Be mindful that basic etiquette must accompany appropriate attire. Appropriate attire must be
combined with basic business and professional etiquette. The two are intertwined and integrated
when presenting a professional image of yourself and your company. First impressions and
overall judgments about people are formed by the way they dress. Since the way someone dresses
affects the perception of a company's customers or business partners, it is important to maintain a
standard of dress that creates a positive impression.
Be sure to strive to achieve an appropriate balance of employer rights and individual freedom.
Some employers experience resistance from employees who believe they have the right to groom
themselves and dress in a way that suits their personality. Basically, this is true in the context of
what they do outside of the employer's operation. While individuals have a right to express
themselves, so businesses have a similar right in the workplace, since the way employees dress
definitely sends intended or unintended messages to clients, customers and prospects. A
commitment to strive to achieve an appropriate balance is very important.
Whatever else we think about dressing for success, we need to be reminded that first impressions
are everything, and we only get one chance to make a positive first impression. n
Glenn Ebersole is strategic vice president of business development and marketing at Hollenbach
Construction Inc., Douglass Township, Montgomery County.

10 commandments of dressing for work


In a 2010 national poll conducted by the Center for Professional Excellence at York
College of Pennsylvania, "appearance" ranked second only to "communication skills"
when respondents named qualities most often associated with professionalism.
"How an individual dresses for work can be a powerful extension of his personal
brand," says Matthew Randall, executive director of the CPE. "Clothes, accessories
and even the footwear an employee chooses to wear help to reinforce or diminish his
skills and qualities in the eyes of his employer, co-workers and clients."
Universal dress rules can't be set in stone, because what is considered appropriate
varies by workplace, field and what is happening on a given day. But if such a tablet
were to be created, there's a good chance it would include the following:
1. Modesty is a virtue.
Get noticed for your great work, not your tight pants, overdone makeup, short skirt or
cleavage-revealing shirt.
"Nothing undermines how you are perceived in business as leaving nothing to the
imagination," says Chris Hauri, founder of Mirror Image, a Chicago-based image and
identity consultancy.
2. Keep holy the casual Friday.
Yes, the workweek is almost done -- the key word being almost. "Casual Fridays are
a recipe for fashion disasters," says Lizandra Vega, author of "The Image of
Success: Make a Great Impression and Land the Job You Want." Don't jump the gun
by wearing your weekend plans, whether that be catching some rays in a halter top
and short shorts or cleaning out the garage in your college sweatshirt and cut-offs.
3. Thou shalt wear the right shoes.
Your feet should look prepared for work. Vega suggests skipping flip-flops and other
open-toe shoes, while Hauri notes, "High high heels may be fashionable, but not for
actually working. Image conveyed: I can't pitch in and do any work because I really
can't walk in these things. Want to be a team player? Wear flats."
4. Honor thy leaders.
Not sure what is appropriate for casual Friday or a client meeting? Look around.
"The wisest employees often observe and take cues from the most respected
individuals within their organization on what is appropriate workplace attire," Randall
says.
5. Thou shalt not steal thy boss's tie.
Keep in mind that taking cues from those above does not mean replicating their
wardrobe piece for piece. Instead of coming off as a lemming, find comparable
styles, colors and accessories that work for you.
6. Control thy festiveness.
Wearing seasonal colors is one thing, looking like Santa's elf is another. Randall
recalls a story about a co-worker who exuberantly over-accessorized her outfits to fit
the holidays. "Her overzealousness caused her co-workers to snicker, and she
became unofficially known as 'the walking calendar.' Moral of the story: Your
workplace wardrobe should enhance your professional skills and qualities, not
detract from them."
7. Remember the good book.
Whether you are questioning what constitutes an acceptable variation of a uniform or
wondering about the company's stance on jeans, chances are the employee
handbook has the answer. Still trying to decide if you should cover up a tattoo? Seek
the advice of a trusted mentor, human resources representative or immediate
supervisor.
8. Thou shalt notice what year it is.
Congratulations on taking such good care of your clothing that items from 1983 are
still "fine" today. Now put these relics in the Goodwill box where they should have
landed years ago. While one need not be a fashionista, looking outdated can give
the impression that you lack fresh ideas.
9. Err on the side of caution.
Worried that your casual Friday outfit might be too relaxed or that a bright orange
shirt might not be received well by a new client? Avoid the guesswork -- and the
corresponding nervousness -- by making safer choices when in doubt.
10. Dress for the job thou want.
A final tidbit: "My advice for everyone, no matter what age or gender, is to dress for
the job you want, not the one you're in," Hauri says. "Unless you're happy with where
you are, which is just fine."

Behavioural Etiquettes in Workplace


It is often said that ones behaviour is the mirror to ones character.
Indeed, your behaviour speaks a lot about the kind of person you are. Your
educational degrees hold little importance if you are not a well mannered
person. You need to conduct well in almost every situation whether you
appear for a job interview or pursue post-graduate degree, at your workplace
or while dealing with your clients, in your school/college or while attending
parties. Even at your home in front of your relatives, it is your good behaviour
which counts the most. But behavioural etiquette is something which
cannot be forced on anyone, it has to be cultivated and nurtured
within oneself. However, remembering a few basic principles and applying
them wherever required can undoubtedly be helpful.
It is true that every working individual spend a large part of their life in their workplace.
So every working professional should follow some simple workplace etiquettes.

i.Always be Punctual. A late comer is always look down upon in any organization and becomes
the object of mockery. Also it shows your laziness and irresponsible nature in front of others.
ii. Be a rational person. Often we face some adverse situations which we do not like. We tend to
lose our patience and as a result we say or behave harshly with our colleagues or seniors. Some
situations are not in our control, for example less hike in annual appraisal, company losing out
some key clients etc but we can control our reaction. Often it is our reaction rather than the
situation which causes stress.
iii. Follow the official dress code. It is very important how you dress when you are in office. Your
dress can enhance your self-confidence or ruin it.
iv. Have mutual respect. Respect your senior colleagues and youll earn it in return. Maintain a
cordial relationship with your team mates, it does not mean that you get too much personal with
them. Do not mix your private life with your professional one. Remember everyone in your office is
your competitor, so itll be foolish on your part to become personal with anyone and disclose some
invaluable information. So be polite but reserved.
v. Maintain office decorum. Avoid speaking loudly, speaking out of turn or talking too much. If you
want to be heard, you must let others speak as well. Keep your mobile phones in silent or
vibration mode when you are in a meeting or on call. Also make sure that your ring tones are not
very loud, which may cause disturbance to others.
vi. Stay away from gossip. Refrain from gossiping; remember there is no place for gossip mongers
in a professional work environment.

Apart from your office, your attitude and the way you present yourself in public when you are in your
school/college/university, at a family gathering, partying with your friends or attending a seminar, everywhere it
matters a lot. Here are some basic lists of what you are expected to do and say:

i.Always greet warmly when you come across any familiar face. Put a smile on your face
and held your hand firmly while shaking hands with anyone.
ii. Do not forget to introduce your friend/companion who is standing with you specially
when you come across anyone and start a conversation with him/her. This will not make
your companion feel ignored. It also becomes very embarrassing for the person to stand
idle while you are chatting with your friend.
iii. Be honest. Honesty is the best policy. So be humble and always acknowledge the truth.
If you think you are unable to do any task, accept the fact and confess it. Do not try to
hide; it will only make the matter worse.
iv. Actions speak louder than words. Do not make fake promises. Prove your capability and
efficiency through your works.
v. Sorry and Thank you are the most powerful words. Do not be a miser in using them.
Express your gratitude whenever required. A simple Thank you work wonders.
Similarly, say Sorry whenever situation demands. Accepting rather than denying ones
mistake makes a man greater.

It is very easy to preach but hard to follow. The above things are easy to remember but difficult to
follow. So just reading them wont help unless you start implementing them. Go ahead and give your
best.

Modern Etiquette: The 10


Commandments of
Business Behavior
Here goes:

1. Thou shalt have a positive attitude. Everybody has bad days.


Nobody has the right to take it out on others. Rudeness,
impoliteness, surliness, ugly moods, unprovoked displays of
anger, and general unpleasantness can be costly to your career -
and your companys bottom line.

2. Thou shalt be on time. Keeping others waiting is the ultimate


power play - whether its a meeting, an email, a telephone call,
or that charmingly Jurassic example of business behavior, a
letter. In the end, its self-defeating. Everybodys busy.
Everybodys time is valuable. Being late only makes you look
like you dont have your act together.

3. Thou shalt praise in public and criticize in private. If you


intend to improve a situation or someones performance, public
criticism is the worst approach. It serves no purpose except to
humiliate the other person, and possibly lead to cutthroat
retaliation. Remember that the office gossip looks far worse than
those being gossiped about.

4. Thou shalt get names straight. We all forget peoples names.


There is nothing wrong with saying: Please tell me your name
again. My brain just went on strike. But there is something
wrong with not checking on correct spelling whenever you write
a name. Thats lazy. It can cost your career. And remember, its
a big mistake to assume you can call somebody by his or her first
name. We have four generations working in a truly global
marketplace. Each generation feels differently about using first
names.

5. Thou shalt speak slowly and clearly on the telephone. Texting


makes us forget how we sound, or when we speed-talk. Again,
remember those four generations in the work arena, as well as
the diversity of cultures. A smile can be heard in your voice. So
smile or you will sound irritated and put out. Not a good move
when business is on the line.

6. Thou shalt not use foul language. KIND is the only four-letter
word for the workplace. Dont accept vulgarity, poor grammar
and slang as your personal standards. They are three of the top
reasons people dont get hired. On the other hand, liberal use of
please, thank you, and excuse me can be most helpful in
ones career ascent.

7. Thou shalt dress appropriately. Dont enter your workplace


without knowing its dress code. If you must, call the human
resources department and ask. Good grooming is at least 10
times more important than making a fashion statement. Good
taste and fashion are not always synonymous.

8. Thou shalt take clear messages. It pays to take time to be sure


the messages you take are clear, correct and complete.

9. Thou shalt honor social courtesies at business functions.


Etiquette is just a matter of common sense with a large dose of
kindness. Make sure you respond to invitations promptly and
never bring an uninvited guest without permission. Never be a
no-show when you said youd show. Good guests contribute as
much to a party as good hosts.

10. Thou shalt be accountable. We all make mistakes. That does


not give us license to blame someone else for them. There is no
shame in admitting you dont have all the answers. Yet there is
shame in not being willing to look for them.