HD489 ~ REFLECTION ON LIFE EXPERIENCE

Professor Marita Reyes, M. A.

Spring 2013

Abeer Abdulahad
HD489 ~ REFLECTION ON LIFE EXPERIENCE

Reflective Study: Developmental Theory Paper

Professor Marita Reyes, M. A.

Spring 2013

Abeer Abdulahad
 The Challenges for Iraqi women being here in the United States

Introduction
My name is Abeer, I am an Iraqi woman who immigrated to the United States

of America 12 years ago. I was born and grew up in Iraq for 28 years. I have three

sisters and I am the oldest of them. I graduated with BA in Computer Science. I got

married after I graduated and stayed home (there was no option for me to work or not to

work) taking care of my daughter that was born two years after our marriage. I

chose my topic to show the challenges that Iraqi women have gone through at least for

the couple years of their immigrant years (life) in the United States. I think I had the

biggest challenges living and surviving with my family in the United States.
 Personal Statement
Back there in Iraq, women mostly stay home and men are the one who work and

are responsible for their families. You rarely see women having authority over men.

Mostly women who work will be working with children at schools. I am talking about 35

years ago. Time changed for the new generations, but still have fear to be in charge

of men. My dad was an engineer super visor in a big company. My mom worked as a

director assistant for 30 years in an elementary school where all my sisters and I used

to go in the same elementary where my mom worked during our elementary school

years. Then I attended a Catholic school for my Middle and high school as well as my

sisters. I met my husband in my second year of university. I got married when I was 24

and my husband was 25. My husband`s family had a big house, we lived with them as

well as my brother in-law and his wife and their two children. We stayed with my

husband`s family 4 years and 2 months until we left home (Iraq). I was 28 years old

when I came here with my daughter and I was pregnant with my son. We left Iraq

because of a religious issue that made us run a way to Jordan. We were afraid to apply

to an asylum in Jordan so we decided to try coming to the United States and stay here

safe. I got the visa as a visitor to see my sister who came here a year ago before I came

to the United States. My husband didnt get a visa, so he had to stay six months in

Jordan waiting for a way to come to the United States. He finally arrived here

on June23, 2001, when my son was 23 days born.

 Purpose
The purpose of this study is to examine closely, the challenges for Iraqi women

being here in the United States. I feel angry at myself or in another word guilty because

it was my responsibility to take care of my family and get a legal paper when I first came

here with my 2 years daughter. When I arrived here I couldn't stay with my sister in

Michigan at her house because of her husband and her in laws so I had to move to Los

Angeles to stay at my aunt's house. I applied for an asylum but we got denied. The

reason was we trusted the lawyer (he was not a certified lawyer, and he took the

money we paid him) he convinced me to change my story and he is helping me to get

asylum. When it was time to meet the immigration agent he sent a girl that supposed to

be lawyer and I was confused because he did not tell us the truth until last minute when

we had the appointment. We got denied because everything that the guy taught me was

wrong. We had an appeal and another lawyer, but it was too late now we are saying the

truth, the judge said I don't trust you because we listened to that liar and we lied too. We

were supposed to be deported, but because my son was born here and they will kill

him(as an American citizen) if we go back to Iraq. All what we got is to stay here, with

work permit, but we can't apply for green card. That is why I feel very angry and

disappointed that my husband and my children were depending on me when I got

foolish by a liar that he got my money and ended me this way.

It is a huge different and challenging being here in America for most (many) Iraqi

women starting with the strict culture, religion, environment, food, and responsibilities.

Most immigrated women moved here to find a good place to live in peace and start new

life for them and their families. Some women moved here because of a religious or
political issue (immigrated) that made them run away from Iraq, other women moved

here because the husband lives here.

Significant
The significant of this research is to show the meaning of challenging for Iraqi

women being here in the United States starting from different(new) environment Mostly

in Iraqi women used to (get) to see or meet their families (brothers, sisters, cousins)

and friends almost every day in a regular bases if they are not living all together in one

big house. Social relations are very important there. For Iraqi women, it is a big stress

being far away from your own family (mom, dad, brothers and sisters) and do not know

when to get to see them again or where! Then starting a whole new life that you get to

deal and know that place`s language. It is hard for most women to learn a new

language or even practice it (if they know the basic then it would be British English)and

go to school to use it everywhere you go if you need to go shopping, working, taking

care of your children (at school, to see the doctor or even at the park). Also, the

responsibility to get (find) a job and work then leaves the children at school or at home

that almost most Iraqi women used to stay at home to take care of their children. For me

I had to wait 4 years to get a work permit then start working as a student worker at the

College where I started my classes there.

 Problem and Background
It was my dream to come and live in the United States with my husband and

children in peace. Although, leaving my family (mom, dad, and three sisters) as well as

my husband`s family (mom, dad and sister) was not easy when both families were

depending on us with most of their needs. It was hard to get here without my sister`s

help. My daughter and I got our visa but had to leave my husband trying to get

him here and we can be reunited. It took my husband six months and twenty thousand

dollars to get here. I was pregnant with my son (four months) when I came here with my

daughter (January 23rd, 2001) who was two years old that time. I gave birth to my son

on June 1st, 2001. Then twenty-two days after my husband finally arrived here. I applied

for asylum when I arrived here then had to go through a lot of paper work until finally

after four years we got work permit and driver license. It was hard not to have a work

permit and legal papers to survive with two children for a couple years. I stayed at home

taking care of my children while my husband had to work with relatives and friends for

four years until we were able to work legally and drive. It was also a big challenge even

to get a way to rent a place for ourselves. We rented a place with my cousins help (in

their names) until we were able to do it in our names.

 HD489 ~ REFLECTION ON LIFE
EXPERIENCE

Reflective Study: Diversity Theory & Analysis

Paper

Professor Marita Reyes, M. A.

Spring 2013

Abeer Abdulahad
 Diversity
I was born and grew up in Iraq. The majority there are Muslims and I am Catholic

Christian which is the minority (about 2% now). I grew up there knowing that we (as

Christian) have to follow certain rules or we will be in trouble. The first story I remember

when I used to be in an elementary school, in fifth and six grade, when my peers in the

class had a religious class (Teaching them about Islam and Quran) I had to stay with

them and listen to all what the teacher teach during that period of time (there was no

choice for us to leave the class or do something else during that time). I used to

memories and until now I remember couple sentences that made us memories it from

Quran. I remember my other Christian friend used to cover her ears and get frustrated

and I remember the teacher used to be mad at her and tell her you dont need to cover

your ears. I also remember that my friends used to tell me oh say that sentence that

you just learn in the class and you will be Muslim like us. It was very stressing, but we

couldnt change anything because the majority are Muslims. Then when I was older I

remember that my dad and mom will never put (hang up) the rosary necklace around

the mirror in the car. Then when I asked my mom, she said that my aunt and her other

cousin had that in their cars and unfortunately some people broke the front glass of the

car and took the rosary from there. I also remember that we barley wear the cross

necklace just because Muslim people dont like it and make them angry to see us

wearing it anytime so we used to hide it under a shirt or a jacket when they have the

freedom to wear their Quran. I was always used to hear it from my parent that because

the majority are Muslim so walking being around with them make them feel that we are
Muslim too except when they see the cross they would say Oh, are you Christian! For

Muslim, Christian people are sinners and we all going to hell. That is what it says in

Quran. Because we dont believe in Muhammad, or cover the hair with a scarf or we

can drink alcohol. It is also says that if you kill a non Muslim person you will go to

heaven. A lot of Christian people have been killed just because they are Christian or

had to fight for their rights as a human being and as an Iraqi person. We all were born

there in Iraq, but felt that we are exclusive from some rights that Muslim people have. I

remember when Muslims go to the temple to pray there is a part that a person shouts

and yells loud as part of their prayers. Most Christians couldnt sleep during the night

because they repeat that five times a day so one of the times has to be in the middle of

the night then early in the morning. It was very hard for Christian people to live by or

close to a temple because of that very loud sound and for young babies and children

that get scared and cry from that loud sound. It was not a choice again because there

are temples almost everywhere. The other discrimination that I feel is that Muslims

build their temples by purpose in front of churches. I remember when we were at the

church for the ceremony of celebrating the first communion and the sound came very

loud from the temple in front of the church as they were praying, but that was not

respecting to all Christian people who are participating their religion in Iraq. As an Iraqi

woman I feel that we were excluded or just showing us the hate in a way or other and

the message is to leave Iraq as Christians (they would do the same thing with other

people that have different religion like Iraqi Jewish).I did not have that safe or

comfortable feeling living in my own country that I was born there or maybe even

practice my religion in freedom. In the mean time I want my children to know about Iraq
and my culture and language. I keep talking to my children in Aramaic and Arabic as

well as my husband. I wish I can go visit Iraq and show my children were I used to live

and grew up. But that is impossible now because Muslims now are killing, raping

kidnapping and bombing churches in Iraq. It is sad to see that same people (Muslims)

immigrates to the United States and have their freedom to participate their religion here

and be in a Christian country when they kill and hurt Christians in other Muslim

countries. I thank God and pray for being here with my family in the United States. I do

not want my children to go throw what I went through and all Christian in Iraq. America

is our country now and I always talk to my children about respecting other people`s

religion, culture and background. I was finally able and happy to wear my cross

necklace every day since I came here to the United States. I was very happy thinking

that I will not see that bias and discrimination from the people here in the United States

since it is a free country and they all talk about the right and respected to the other

people and religions. As much as I was happy to arrive to the United States as much

as I was stressed crying from the first moment I arrived to the airport with my daughter

when the security man started talking to me in English and I was looking at him then he

started yelling and laughing making fun of me when he said You do not understand

English then he left, that was the only words that I remember him saying then I started

crying, do not know what to do, asking for help. Then another man (agent) saw me

crying and asked me Do you need help! What language do you speak? I told him that I

speak Arabic. He looked at me and said I speak Arabic too, I am from Jordan, I work

here, let me help you with your paper and luggage That moment I felt that I am not

welcomed in a foreign country. I hated how that man treated me just because my
English is not good. I felt that racism and disrespect towards me because I am not an

American. The only thing I remember was that I left the airport very quick and got help

from that man with my luggage. I remember we were very tired that time especially the

hard separation time between my husband and my daughter. Now I remember that I

feel very angry that I did not have the language and the courage to answer the other

man. And I wonder if there are still people that treat other people (immigrant) the way I

was treated. Living in Los Angeles means that I meet a lot of people that are of different

cultures and religions every day. I think that what made people less bias or racist was

because of that multi culture place (a lot of different immigrants). I heard a lot of stories

from my relatives and friends who live in different states about being discriminated. I

could not believe it until we moved and lived in Arizona, Phoenix for about 5 months

(from June to October 2008) The story started when my husband`s company in LA had

an office in Phoenix and we decided to move there because my family lives there (my

mom, dad, sister and her husband and their two sons and my younger sister). We were

thinking that the living in Arizona is cheaper and we can afford it to buy a house there.

Everything was kind of ok until they closed my husband`s office in Phoenix. My

husband was very stressed to lose his job there so we decided to go back to Los

Angeles and work at the main office there. During staying in Arizona, my children used

to go to a public school in area that mostly all white American lives there ( We rented

there because we were looking for a good safe area and good schools for the children).

I had a hard time conversing with the other parents while I was waiting to pick up my

children after school, school meeting or school events. My other story that shocked me

and my husband was when we were all (me, my husband and my children) going
shopping and while we were sitting in the car waiting for parking to park our car. We

finally found a parking place and when my husband was trying to park the car another

lady was driving her car and suddenly drove towered us trying to park in our place.

When she saw my husband parked, she got mad and started honking the horn and

yelling inside her car. Seconds after, we see the lady (white American) walking on the

street and yelling at us saying Go away, go back to your country, this is not your

country! I was shocked looking at her and my husband got very mad and upset looking

at her and said I will not answer you just because my children are with me she walked

away, but we were very sad thinking of her words. Why did she say that and what did

we do to make her say that! I told my husband that she might think that we are Mexican

or Armenian or I do not know what she was thinking. Any way is lady was mean and not

polite. Her behavior might reflect and effect on her culture, but mostly American people

who I deal or know do not behave or at least respect others. What I know about myself

and my family that my American boy (my son who was born here) will never do or

misbehave with any human being.

Another bias feeling I had after September 11 is that people look at me as a terrorist

when I tell them that I am from Iraq. Since that attack on September 11, 2001 people

think that I am Muslim, then Bin Laden then related it to Iraq (Middle East) then look at

me differently. I started hiding my authenticity or being a shame or afraid telling people

that I am from Iraq. I wanted to shout on people`s faces and tell them I am not a Muslim,

I am not related to Bin Laden, I am Catholic and I am a victim of Muslims too . Stop

giving me that look or have that fear from me. I started telling people who asks me
Where are you from! that I am an Iraqi Catholic, before they start thinking about

something else. Then I hear some people saying Oh is there Christian people in Iraq!

I was stressed from people thinking that we are all Muslims and terrorists. The other

feeling that I had experienced from other people (American) is that when I tell them that

I am from Iraq they give me a look of kindness. Then they ask me about Saddam` s

regime. Then they say that they are sorry for the war and that was the president`s plan

Bush and they are sorry to what happened to the Iraqi innocent victims that died

because of the attack and the war on Iraq.

After all that writing and remembering what I went through all my life from being not

respected to being discriminated by people think that they are the best and others are

not human being. I see myself in a lot of places when I see poor or immigrant people

around me. I am trying to be fair as much as I can and fight for my right and other

people`s right to live as a human and be treated as equal to the others even if they are

poor, immigrant, cannot speak English or even have a different skin color. I realized that

I need to fight for myself, my family and other people who need my voice. I will support

a young child and an old person who cant speak for him/her self. I had some people

who supported me through my life and it is time for me to speak up and fight for my right

and freedom. Everybody has the right to be respectful and not to be judged by a

language or a skin color or money. I learned a lot from this class and I was very

comfortable sharing my experience with my classmates although I had the fear the first

time I met my peers that they are going to look at me as an immigrant and my language

will not help me go through the process and finish this class. I had all the support, hugs,

cheer and beautiful smiles from all my classmates and my professor during this
semester. I feel that I am important and I can change a lot of things for the better

and help myself and any one needs help from me. I will always be proud of being an

Iraqi woman and letting people know who I am from my behavior, manners, kindness,

and respectful. I believe that people change for better when they see other people

respecting them and treat them equally.

HD489 ~ REFLECTION ON LIFE
EXPERIENCE

Fieldwork & Implementation

Paper

Professor Marita Reyes, M. A.

Spring 2013

Abeer Abdulahad
My Career
 I started my first job at the college as a student worker while I was taking my

classes over there. It was my first time ever work and get paid when I was about 33

years old. I was happy and nervous at the same time to find a job related to my major

and to start working. I worked at the Glendale Community College in their Child

Development Center. Everything was strange and different for me. Working for the first

time in my life, when I used to stay home take care of my children, cooking, cleaning,

and dropping of and picking up my children to and from school.

As a student worker, I was helping, serving, playing, talking, cleaning, following

directions, but the worst was to take orders without communicating or negotiation. I

worked in a room with children ages 4-5 years. The lead teacher (Debbie) was about 65

years old. She was treating me like a servant and had to complain or make comments

about everything I say or do with the children and even with adults. The way I sit, eat,

talk, answer, clean and help. Everything was not the right way for her. She I was

always smiling and try to talk to her, but she was always seems mad, very serious or

angry and most of the time doesnt answer or ignore my talk (words) to her. I was

always wondering why she is doing that! I was thinking of her being bios because I

am an immigrant (not American) and because of my language(not fluent in English) I

kept thinking to quit and find another place to work at, but I was always thinking about

my children and having this opportunity to work, and gain experience and develop

myself. It was very hard experience to work for the first time at the age of 33 and get

orders from a teacher that is very hard and strict. I was always thinking if she is doing

that just with me or the same with the others! I was wondering when I see her smiling
with the teachers or other students. I worked with Debbie for 2 years in her classroom. I

kept thinking and dreaming about her voice and face every day I go home. It was a

night mare for me, thinking about her (as a monster or witch) all the time, and I was

wondering if she likes me, my work or the way I speak (my language).

Then I worked in other class room, but with different age (2-3) for about a year and

with other teachers (Araseli and Shelly). I had a different experience working at that

classroom, starting with the children and their parents then the teachers. Shelly was

always very nice to me and respecting me. I was thinking about Araseli as the same

kind of Debbie, but less strict and more open, happy (smiles) and cares. When I say

care I mean that Debbie never asked me (or at least noticed) about my feeling or my

day (tiered, sad or depressed). I remember one time when Araseli asked me to clean

the entire kitchen, the stove and the refrigerator for 4 hours when I was supposed to be

working in the classroom. I felt like discriminated and wondering why she is treating me

like a servant! I also had that feeling of fear every time I talk to them (thinking about

what will happen next) every time they ask or need me to do something. I felt

disrespected or humiliated just because they miss some simple ways when they talk or

give orders or at least being a good model for the children then should be a good model

for an adult too. For example, looking at me (eye to eye) while talking or a little smile

also using please and thank you during the conversation (that they always ask and

teach the children to say it) makes me feel more respected than just do this and go

there and not suppose to say that this way, but that way! All what Debbie cared was to

make me do the work the way she likes or wants then go home.

Araseli would ask me about my day, or my children and smiles or shares something
with me (about her weekend or her daughters). I felt humiliated working with Debbie.

The way she talks (like put me down and in front of people) for example, if I ask a child

to do something or sit and talk to a child about something, She was watching me all the

time and jump in the middle of the conversation and makes a comment or interrupts the

play and make that child do something else. I think Debbie wanted all the eyes to be on

her and listen to her because she was the first one working on that center since they

opened about 20 years ago.

In 2007 I became a substitute teacher working at the same center. That changed

some rules and became more respected from some teachers. I mostly worked with the

infants room (6-18 months). I worked with other teachers in that classroom that used to

make me do almost all the work (cleaning, diapering feeding and playing with the

children) while they were just talking, laughing or walking away from the classroom. I

was still happy, but go home very tired and stressed from headache and back pain.

I worked as a substitute teacher there for about 3 years until I got hired as a

teacher at the Glendale / Disney Children Center. I was very happy to finally find a job

as a teacher and have benefits, but in the mean time I was crying and stressed when I

left my old and first job where I started everything with them. It was a huge different

and change to me starting in new everything (Environment, people, and philosophy). My

big problem started with the time (my shift). By the time I was trying to adjust myself and

be comfortable with everybody, I started having hard time seeing my children and going

home late because of my late shift (9:30-6:30) Which I used to leave home at 8:45 and

go back home around 7:15 pm. I didnt have a choice when I accepted the job, but I
was stressed because of the hours then they told me it is going to be for some time and

I might be able to change my shift. I had a hard time working full time, leaving early and

go back home late. I didnt have enough time to see my children, take care of their

homework, needs, cooking and taking care of my home. In the mean time, I started

having hard time at work with my lead (Lisa) when the other teachers alerted me from

her. Lisa was very mean to me. She would tell me to do something that is supposed to

be following the schools` policy, but in fact she want to play that she is the boss and that

I cant negotiate or change what she is saying because she is the lead. For example, I

was stalking to a parent who had a question about her daughter, Lisa came to me and

asked me to cover another area when she can do that until I finish with the parent. I was

very frustrated that time and wondering why she is doing that with me. Also I was talking

to a child and said Thank you, I love you Lisa heard me and said So you just say I

love you now because he/she was listening to you. I looked at her smiling and said You

know I dont mean that and I love all the children and say that word! I heard the

teachers saying that she is always depressed and that she is always looking for a man,

but her behavior and attitude make it even hard to get a boyfriend and even a girlfriend.

She used to talk about ghosts when she hears a noise. I used to laugh and tell her that I

do not believe in ghosts. Other things that bother me with Lisa that when I need her

help changing my shift or have an emergency with my children she would always send

me to the director to ask. When I go to the director she laughs and tells me Why would

Lisa sent you, she can fix and knows the hours of her team and give you the

permission, because I will go and ask her anyways to change your shift! Also I felt her
making fun of my language when I talk to her, (she knows that English is my third

language) or makes me feel stupid by saying words that are hard to understand

and keeps telling me Do understand what I mean! I was always wanted to yell at her

face and tell her Yes I understand Lisa, I am not stupid I didnt feel any support or

help from Lisa while I see other leads help, respect and support their teachers. I cant

forget her face (eyes, eyebrow and mouth) when she talked to me. It was never peace

or feeling of happiness unless when I see or play with the children.

I had a lot of pain or maybe I can say it bad experience starting working with some

people that were very hard on me. I feel happy now I started expressing myself at least

in the paper. Every word I wrote in the first section (my working experience) brought me

a lot of pain and sad memories. I couldnt believe it when I was writing earlier that I

would find the Aha! Or now I get it I kept thinking of Debbie and how was she treating

me, but by going back through my writing and kept thinking and imagining the scenario

like a movie. Throughout all those thinking and memories, that Debbie`s personality was

that kind of people who look serious, very active, strict with no smile. I kept thinking that

Debbie was treating the other student worker the same way, but maybe I was the one

who is very sensitive and take everything personally. I learned this word after suffering

and suffering then I heard that word you take everything personally! I kept thinking and

thinking about it. After all that depress one of the teachers noticed it then I shared some

of my pain to her. That teacher was Araseli, when I finally broke the boundaries or

fence and expressed some of my feeling toward Debbie and her. The reason I talked to

Araseli was because she was the one who talks to me and encourages me to say my

opinion or feeling about her or the other teachers. Talking and expressing my feeling
was very hard for me especially coming from my culture that everything should be ok.

and we cant complain or express ourselves because of the shame or respect. This is

how I grew up and I think the other reason with no work experience (outside my home)

was looking or judging the people by their face reaction. I still have that problem after

many years working with different people is I get very depressed or stressed when I see

any person (teachers, directors, leads, parents and even friends and family members)

with sad (not smiling) face or talk to me in a direct or strait way without smiling to me, I

would be stressed, thinking and asking myself did I do or say something wrong to that

person! After all, and while I was writing my work experience I had that moment

when I was questioning myself, that I always remember Debbie during working with

children and teach them (show or guide them)a good way to do and deal with their

friends. I know realized that Debbie didnt smile or talk with smile to me during all that

time I worked with her, but she was my first model that I have my strong rote and

educated from her experience. Now as a teacher and have substitute teachers working

with me, I have that movie in my mind 8 years ago when I used to work as a student

worker or a sub. Every time I see a substitute teacher needs help in a different way or

asks me for help, I remember myself and have that (AHA!) moment when I used to be in

their place. The different now is that I am not Debbie or Araseli, but Abeer and I will

transfer or send the message to them in a different nice way (the way I liked and still

like to hear it or see it) from them 8 years ago. For example, when I used to sit with

Debbie and the children during circle time, I was very shy to sing with them or join them

with their activity maybe because of my language and that I dont know the words that

time or I was confused if it is ok. to sing with them or not! Debbie told me that I need to
sing and join them, but I was stressed and thought it was mean because she knows I

dont memorize or know the song and all what she wants to embarrass me in front the

other students or teachers. Now I get it when I see some substitutes joining me during

circle time and all what they do is just sitting without even helping with the children.

What I do is to ask them with all the children to sing together in a very polite way also I

ask for the sub with a smile to help me with a child that needs help. I also talk to the

subs and share some information that helps them grow and help others. I hear and see

a lot of happy faces from subs telling me that they are happy to work in my room that

day. In the mean time I always say it to the substitutes that if they have any questions or

need help I will be very happy to help. With Lisa I dont think she impacted on me that

much except for some fear, but the good news that I moved to new room with new early

shift and I dont see or hear Lisa at all. But still I keep thinking about her in a way to help

her get out of her stressed world. I knew that she has type of breast cancer and I feel

happy that with all the stress and depress that she gave me I was very polite and well

behaved as it part of my culture. I always love my teachers/ co- workers Debbie and

Araseli for the time I spent with them and the experience that I gained during the years I

worked with them. I learned (still having hard time sometimes) not to take anything

personally, but think about it in a positive way. When I go deep to my personality I see

myself behaving the same way sometimes (serious face and not smiling) when I am

stressed or tired. Now I am thinking not to judge the people by their faces (it is very hard

for me, but I am learning and trying) but what they do or show how to help others and

respect them. I always say that they planted the seed for a good tree, and that seed had

a lot of hard time growing into a tree. Now the tree is big and blooms delicious fruit.
 HD489 ~ REFLECTION ON LIFE
EXPERIENCE

Reflective Study: Research Data Collection and

Analysis Paper

Professor Marita Reyes, M. A.

Spring 2013

Abeer Abdulahad
 METHODOLOGY
Data Collection

This research paper was done by using the qualitative paradigm as is foundation for

collecting information for this topic.

The data collection tools that I used were:

Personal interviews using a survey form with guiding questions and demographic

questionnaire. I interviewed 5 Iraqi women whom have been here for different years.

Name Age Education Marital Status Number of Children Religion

Summer 40 Diploma Divorced 1 Muslim

Selma 68 House keeper Married 2 Christian
Walla 28 middle school Divorced 0 Christian
Asal 30 Engineer/Pharmacist Single 0 Christian
Lena 43 Doctor Married 1 Christian

Participants tell their stories

I talked to my friend Summer that used to be in the college with me in Iraq. I met her in

one of the Iraqi markets in San Diego 2 years ago. She immigrated to the United States

with her husband and their son about 2 years ago. I knew that Summer and her

husband are getting divorced because of some problems that started after couple

months of their moving to the United States. Summer said it was all started when her
husband changed with her. One of her friends told her that she saw her husband in a

restaurant talking with a girl. Summer asked him and he denied. Then another problem

when Summer asked her husband to go find a job and work, her husband got mad and
asked her not to think about letting her work and all what she need to do is taking care

of her son and the home. Then he started hurting her (hit her). Now she is here in

America she knows her rights, so she called the police on him and he got arrested.

Then they got divorced. Summer feels depressed. She has the support for her son and

herself, but she feels unsecured and unhappy with what happened to her life. She is

looking for a job, and wants to go to school, but thinking about her son and if she can

give him the good support because he is always asking about his dad.

I went over the weekend to San Diego and I met Selma. I knew her from my

my husband`s side. I know that Selma came to the United States with her husband 5

years ago. I talked to her and she did not stop crying during the whole conversation.

Selma`s son (Rafi) immigrated to the United States 6 years ago. He ran away from Iraq

because of a religious issue. Rafi was very happy to be here to live in peace and start a

new life to support himself and his family. He worked in a liquor store and was planning

to go to school at the same time. Couple months later, Rafi was murdered by two men

who did hold up on the store. We were shocked when we heard about him. A month

later Rafi`s parents (Selma and Noel) arrived to the United States. Selma told me that

she was dreaming that her son will be waiting for her at the airport. She told that her

was rewind after Rafi`s murdering. She was suffering a lot at the beginning. She was

looking around the places that Rafi went, worked visited and imagining Rafi`s life when

he was here by himself. Selma shared that a lot of relatives and friends were around
her, but that couldnt help her. Selma added Even with my strong faith! But why did that

happened to my son Selma has a daughter (older than Rafi) that live in Canada with

her husband and her 2 children. She also has a son (27years old) that arrived to the
United States 4 years ago. Selma said that she sent Rafi to ran away from Iraq to live in

peace here, but why did that happened to him! I talked to her and asked that I can help

her with anything she needs. Selma said that Rafi was the only hope she want to see

and his children.

I talked to Wala over the phone. She lives in Michigan now. Wala came to

America 6 years ago. She got married to an Iraqi American man that she thought she

will be in heaven coming to America and live with him. Wala has 2 brothers that they

live in north Iraq. Her dad passed away when she was 2 years old. Her mom thought

that Wala will be happy and lucky when she gets married to someone lives in America.

She came here without knowing her future` husband. Wala said that her x-husband

started hurting her after couple weeks of their marriage. She said that her life destroyed

when he started hitting and abusing her. She said that she had to shut her mouth and

dont talk if she notice something wrong with him or if she does not listen to him(He

goes gambling and spending his money in the casinos ) She used to work for long

hours during the day in his liquor store that he owned, when she came here and he

loses the money gambling. She said that she suffered for about 2 years with him. Since

it was hard to get divorce in our religion and culture except for a big reason (like a big

sin) that is cheating on the spouse. So she used to talk to the priest and the priest talks

to him and she runs away from home and stays at some friends or relatives house. She

said that she is finally divorced from him and living her life away from him. Wala is going
to school now and working in a hair salon with relatives. She said that it was a big

mistake when she had to leave her family to follow a dream that wasnt planned or at

least know that person or talk to him before they get married. She is sad about her
past, but building her new life and future step by step hoping to be able to support her

family there.

I talked to Asal 2 weeks ago. Asal came to the United States 5

years ago. She is an engineer. She worked in Iraq for couple months with an American

company then stopped and came to the United States to live better life and to start

her future in peace. Asal told me that it was hard for her to get here until her sister

helped her with her paper to be here as a student. She said that by the time she applied

for asylum here she had to stay at the college and pay a lot of money as international

student to be able to stay here all that time. Her life was in dangerous in Iraq and that

was the fastest way to get here. She said that it was very hard for her at the beginning

to rent a place(lived in another state than her sister does), go to school and find a job.

Asal had to ask her relatives to support her renting a place in their names until she was

able to work and get a good credit card to be able to rent on her own while she was

going to school and the same time looking for job. She worked as a student worker at

the same college for part time. Now she is worried that she has a big loan and when

can she pay it back. She also shared that her parents want her to get married but being

away from the community (Iraqi) make it hard to find someone that she can love and be

comfortable with.

I talked to my friend Lena. She is a doctor. She graduated from the University in

Iraq. She came to the United States 8 years ago with her husband and her daughter.
She started working at a doctor office as a nurse until she finished all the required tests

(moved to Virginia for 3 years) and were able to practice her job as a doctor after 6

years. Lena shared that it was very hard for her to work for full time and go to school
then take care of her husband and daughter. She said that her husband didnt work

most of the time because he plays piano and other instrument, but couldnt find a job

with a singer or a place (Restaurant)because he used to work with famous people or he

stay at home. Mostly it was Lena who was talking care of him and her daughter. She

was crying when she was sharing and remembering the first 10 months being away

from her daughter and had to stay in Virginia for her school until her husband and her

daughter moved and stayed with her. She said it was hard again to pay for the moving,

rent, and the school and had to work because her husband didnt work all that time.

Lena feels less stress now. She works at a hospital as a doctor, but still warred about

her husband and what to do with his carrier (to convince him to do something beside his

work).

Results
1. Was your life in dangerous (threat) in Iraq that made you leave?
1- Yes
2- Yes
3- Yes
4- Yes
5- Yes

Or 5 of them said YES

2. Did you choose (or wasnt your choice) to come to the United States or was it just
to find a safe place to live in?

1-No
2- Yes
3-No
4- Yes
5-Yes
Or 3 said yes and 2 saidNO

3. How long did it take you to adjust your self and live with less stress (more
comfortable) than when you first moved (immigrated) to the United States?
1- Almost 3 years and still has both feeling, happy and unhappy sometimes.
2- 5 years and still depressed, but she said that she is just living to take care of her
other son.
3- Feels better and more comfortable after 4 years being here in the United States.
4- More comfortable after 4 years, but worried about her future.
5- Feels more comfortable after 5 years being here in the United States.

Or all of them said almost about 5 years.

4. Would you go back to Iraq if there is no threat to your life anymore there?

1- No
2- No
3- No
4- No
5- No

Or 5 said NO

5. Did you find the support from friends, relatives and even the government?

1-Yes
2-Yes
3-Yes
4-Yes
5-Yes
Or 5 said YES

6. Did you come here as a refugee or as a visitor?

1-Refugee
2-Refugee
3-Married
4-Refugee
5-Work
Or 3 Refugee, 1 married and 1 work
Discussion

Observation for question #1

From the answers of question 1, I realized that all women`s lives were in
dangerous although some of them didnt come here as a refuge, but to get
married or to work.

Observation for question #2

In reviewing the answers from question # 2, I realized that 3 of the participants
chose to come to the United States, when the other 2 participants where looking
to find any safe place to at either at the United States of America or other country
that support them to life a better life.

Observation for question #3

In reviewing the answers to question # 3, I found that all of the participants felt
more comfortable and balanced in about 5 years of being residents in the United
States.

Observation for question #4

In reviewing the answers to question # 4, I found that none of the participants
would go back to Iraq even if there is no threat to their lives or everything is doing
good and quite there.

Observation to question #5
In reviewing the answers to question #5, I realized that all of the participants had

some kind of support from a relative, a friend or / and the government.

Observation to question #6
In reviewing the answers to question #6, I realized that 3 of the participants had

come here as a refugee and 1 came as a visitor (followed her husband) and the

other one as a work / green card. I feel the same thing because when we left
Iraq we were just looking for a way to be here safe for me and my family.

Conclusion

After listening to the participants and what have they gone through in their

lives for the couple first years being here in the United States, I realized that what

I went through hard time being here at the beginning, suffering and working hard

to live a better life for me and my family is almost the same with other Iraqi

women, but in a different way and story from each other. I kept thinking that most

people especially Iraqi women are just being happy here from the first day, but

they just complain about everything and not satisfied or appreciate what they

have or at least they have their own paper that makes them travel or get them

their rights when they need it. I was shocked when I saw and heard all these

stories and how hard was it for these women just to get here to live better life or

at least to be a life. Then unfortunately each one had to suffer in a way and for

some of them still have that sad memory that made them insist and continue their

journey either because of their families or for themselves. I was also surprised

when I asked them if everything will be good in Iraq, would you go back and live

there! What I got from all of them is that none of them will go back there because

it is still that not a safe place to live especially for Christian. Then for my Muslim

friend, she said that she is afraid of other Muslims when they hear her story and
 that she got divorced because she cant say yes or agree to what her husband

says. Also it is ok. to get hurt by her husband because he always knows better

and that she always needs to obey him. By the end I feel more comfortable and

happy know I learned that even if I am still dont have green card yet for 12 years

being here in the United States, but I am blessed that I have two beautiful

children and husband. And I am able to work and drive legally. I will keep

working hard to support my family and the people that need help from me as

much as I can.

References

The challenges of Iraqi women being here in the United States

Challenges for Iraqi women - Denison University

Women in Iraq - Foreign Press Centers - US Department of State

Presentation
I cant believe we are almost done with the class. I feel that I just started it last week.
I cant describe how happy and comfortable I am not just with my professor, but with

my peers too. I enjoyed every minute in the class. From the first minute when I meet

Professor Reyes and my peers to the last minute of it I was engaged, happy and

comfortable being in the class, knowing that I can get all the support when I need it. All

the stories and experiences that I shared was from deep inside. I was comfortable to

share everything, express and analyze it. And the most important part when I was

reflecting it. I feel more confident with myself, in other words I found myself and

accepted the way I am and I am very proud of myself. I learned that I am equal and

worthy and It is ok to be tired or stress, but get some rest time and take care

of myself. I am doing my presentation about my culture and I like to present it to you, I

cant cover it all, but trying to talk as much I remember so please feel free to ask me

whenever you have question. I came from a very religious catholic family. I am the

oldest of my 3 sisters. I am an Iraqi woman who was born and lived in Iraq for 28 years.

I left my country with my husband and daughter because we had to leave or we would

be all dead. It was very hard for me leaving my country, my family, relatives, friends and

memories there. The only hope was to live in peace with my husband, daughter and

unborn son (who was born 5 months after). The majority in Iraq are Muslims. They were

there around us in the neighborhood, schools, markets, streets and parties. We had and

still have good relationships with them, but with limits. They affected on us a lot, since

their religion, and culture are different. I had some friends that used to wear scarves, so

they think we are sinners because we dont wear scarves. It is the same when we used

to have parties and serve Alcohol drinks, my friends used to tell me you are sinners
and you are going to hell because your religion allow you to drink alcohol or not

covering you head or body. Women usually stay home and do all the work and cover

themselves whenever they go outside the home that make men think about women are

just servants, and not that respected. Going back to my culture, and being in a Muslim

society, that affects my culture too. It was harder for me and my sisters to be around a

lot of places and people since we dont have brother. For example, my cousins, girls,

can go places with their brother like parties, clubs or maybe camps when my dad

refused to send us to such places with anybody because of the fact Oh if you have a

brother then he would take care of us and take us some places.

I arrived to the United States on January 21, 2001 with my daughter and I was

pregnant about 5 months with my son. Then my husband was able to follow us after 6

months of being torturing finding a way to get here. My children now are 14, and 12. We

keep talking to them in Aramaic and Arabic, they do understand most of it, but is it

easier for them to answer us in English. American culture is totally different than our

culture. As we have been here for almost 13 years we are trying not to change or at

least keep our traditions going on, but that does not mean that we are not American.

America is our country now. We always pray and thank God to bless and protect this

country. We do celebrate all the holidays not just Americans, but other cultures too

(now I am a teacher and I do learn as well as my children from school how to celebrate

and enjoy other cultures` holidays) As a fact we cant keep my culture a life unless we

are communicating, visiting and being with our families, relatives and friends (our

community). Going back to the huge different with my culture and American, we can see
too much freedom that the children have and especially teenagers. For example, I dont

like my daughter to go out with a boyfriend or have a relationship with someone unless

she is big enough (20 and up) to choose a good man that will be her husband in the

future. That would be the same with my son too to have a good relation with the girl that

he choose, and hopefully to be his future wife. It was very hard for my husband and I to

live in here without a legal paper to allow us to work and take care of our children. Even

after couple years working legally, I feel that we keep working busy without resting, just

to provide a good place, food and clothes to our children. My husband works 7the days

from the day we came until now, and I feel that I dont see him or talk to him just when I

have a question or an important paper or subject to talk about. Even when I dont have

anything and just talk to him I still think about something else that I need to do after. I

sometimes wish that we still live in Iraq when one person work (dad) and the other one

(mom) take care of the children.

Living in Iraq now is impossible for us. Everything changed and it is not safe for

us to live there anymore. Then when I finished writing this sentence I am thinking now

even if it is safe for us to go back and live in Iraq I am not going back there. America

is our country now and I kept thinking that I am stressing myself with the work and the

time, but I need to manage my time and make some fun time to spend with my children

and especially with my husband.

I love cooking and I would like to share a famous appetizer dish from my culture

that is Hummus. Hummus is an Arabic word means Chickpeas We

usually make it at home or now this food is being famous because it is all vegetarian

and full of fiber, protein and iron so we can find it ready at the markets. Other way to
buy it is you can find it in cans and we just add some tahina (smashed sesame

seeds),some plain yogurt, some crushed garlic, lemon juice and salt.

Then decorate the top with some parsley, olive oil and ground red pepper. I would like

to make the Hummus from scratch at home (when I have time) or buy a can and add

the rest ingredients to it. Hummus usually serves with other foods as a dip. We can

serve it as a dip with any kind of chips (tortilla, pita or even potato). Sometimes I dip it

with vegetables like carrots, celery, and cucumbers. Also we can eat it with Kebabs

or other chicken or beef plates. The way I did my Hummus today was I mixed some

homemade hummus with 1 can of ready hummus then added the rest ingredients to it.

Hummus recipe
pounds of dry chick peas
3 full table spoons of Tahini
2 full table spoon of plain yogurt
2-3 gloves of garlic
2-3 table spoon of lemon juice
tea spoon of salt
tea spoon of powdered red pepper for garnishing
1-2 table spoon of olive oil for garnishing
6-8 leaves of parsley for garnishing

Soak the chick peas in water (all covered) for about 12-15 hours. Drain the

water then put it in a pot and let it cook for about 2 hours or less until it is well

cooked and tender. Let it cool down then put the chick peas in a food processor

to smash it. Add the Tahini, yogurt, lemon juice, salt and garlic to the mixer
while it is in the food processor until they are all mixed and creamy. Put the

humus in an open plate and garnish it with the olive oil, powdered red pepper,

and parsley. Serve with chips or vegetables and enjoy it.

On conclusion, I really enjoyed this class and I do not want it to be finished.

I wish I can take all my classes with Professor Reyes and all my peers stay with

me in the same classes that I need. I never had any fear or stress with the class

because I know that I am in a good hand whether it is the college, my professor

or my peers. I really wish a good luck to all my friends who will graduate this

semester and I am happy to finish my classes in this college and feel blessed to

be here.

Thank you
January 12, 2013

Pacific Oaks College

55 Eureka Street
Pasadena, CA 91103
(626)529-8061

Dear Pacific Oaks College Admissions,

My name is Abeer Abdulahad and I would like to thank you for accepting my
application to start my journey at the college. I would also like to express my interest and
can`t wait to learn and gain more knowledge for being here at the college. I am a preschool
teacher, I work at the Disney Children Center with the two year olds for about two years. My
passion working with children has led me towards pursuing this college and get my BA in
the Human Development. I am a motivated, creative and enthusiastic individual and would
like to continue my efforts in providing children with a supportive and healthy environment
that will foster their development and growth.

My professional experience consists of volunteer work as well as employment in the

field of child development. I graduated three years ago with my AS degree from Glendale
Community College, where I used to work as a substitute teacher for two years at their Child
Development Center. I have also had 2 years of experience as a student worker at the
Glendale Community College Child Development Center. I have provided child care,
assisted in activities, such as creating and implementing group and individual curriculums,
and provided a safe environment for children. I have also been effective in conflict resolution
amongst children.

As a volunteer at the Glendale Community College Child Development Center, I

have created individualized profiles utilizing the Desired Result Development Profile
Preschool Instrument as well as the Early Childhood Environment Rating scale.
Furthermore, I have participated in classroom curriculum planning and observations. As a
result of working in a multicultural environment I have gained an appreciation and better
understanding of diversity and cultures.

I strongly believe that through listening, encouragement, positive modeling of actions

and behaviors, and providing a nurturing environment, children will have a greater
opportunity for learning and development. Thank you for this opportunity and for your time.
Sincerely,

Abeer Abdulahad
4519 Boston Ave
La Crescenta, CA 91214
(818) 439-8910