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Caleb Austin

Dr. Cassel

Engl 101E-14

1 December 2017

What makes long-distance relationships work?

College is a time in which individuals discover themselves and build their futures. Many

people view college as the best time of their lives. College is a time in which many people find

the person that they spend the rest of their lives with. While it may be the best time of students

lives, what happens to two young lovers who end up going to two different colleges across the

country? Do they break off their relationship that has been growing for months or years to

accommodate the distance, or try to continue their relationship despite the distance? Is their love

strong enough to last through the years, until they make it through college?

I have been dating my current girlfriend for over two years. We wanted to be together at

college but thought it would best for us as individuals and a couple to go to the colleges that

would be the best fit for each of us as individuals. I ended up at Wittenberg University in

Springfield, Ohio and she went 992 miles south to the University of Central Florida in Orlando,

Florida. We both knew going into college being so far apart would be difficult, but we knew if

we made it through college it would be worth going through the long-distance relationship. We

have had several struggles of missing each other and small arguments over pointless matters, that

never would have bother us if we were not separated for such long periods of time.

There are many students that are involved in long-distance relationships. Roughly thirty-

four percent or one third of college relationships are considered long-distance. College is the

number one place in which long-distance relationships take place (The Center for Long-Distance
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Relationships). There are many hardships in long-distance relationships that can put stress on a

relationship and everyday life. However, relationships that can survive the long-distance become

stronger and healthier.

Long-distance relationships have been around for a long time. Long-distance

relationships have a bad reputation with most of the world. Over time it has been noticed that

long-distance relationships do not have a high success rate and that there are many problems and

headaches that go along with long-distance relationships. These create a negative feeling towards

long-distance relationships. This negative tone can also impact the success of long-distance

relationships. Long-distance relationships are more

successful when both individuals in the relationship

have a strong support system. If everyone around a

couple does not believe the couple will last that can

be a damper on the success of the long-distance

relationship (Cameron, Jessica J. and Michael Ross).

Negative affectivity can be described as

negative feelings or attitudes. Negative affectivity in

relationships means that a person within a

relationship has negative thoughts about the

relationship or their partner compared to woman.

Negative affectively greatly increased in males in
long-distance relationships. This led the number of
relationships lasting one year later to drop drastically.
One can draw multiple conclusions from the
Figure 1: The graph above shows the
portion of long-distance and same-city
couples together at one year as a function
of mens and womens negative
affectivity on their relationship
(Cameron, Jessica J. and Michael Ross).
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information presented in Figure 1. One conclusion is that males are less likely to follow through

in a long-distance relationship compared to women. Another conclusion from the data is that

long-distance relationships are harder to maintain same city relationships (Cameron, Jessica J.

and Michael Ross).

There are many cases in which long-distance relationships do not work. However, with

better transportation and a more connected world it makes it easier to be a greater distance apart

but still be close. There are more couples in todays world in long distance relationships than

ever before. Jobs and furthering education are the two strongest factors in a long-distance

relationship. Technology has been a major driver in the success of long distance relationships.

According to data cited in a study from The Center for Long-Distance Relationships, some three

million Americans now live apart from their spouses for reasons other than divorce or marital

problems. (The Center for Long-Distance Relationships).

Keep in mind that technology is changing how we view distance, and a long-distance

relationship in the early 1990s was vastly different than one today. In analyzing peoples diaries

of their texts, phone calls, video chats, and other communications with their long-distance

partners, researchers found that long-distance couples felt more intimate with each other

compared to geographically close couples. This is because the long-distance relationship couples

disclosed more about themselves in their interactions (Tseng).

The average distance in long-distance relationships is one hundred and twenty-five miles

(Dr. L Industries, LLC). Some important key aspects in all relationships are communication,

trust, and loyalty. These aspects are even more important to help overcome the distance which

lies between two hearts. In relationships where the partners see each other, these aspects are less
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important because there are personal interactions which allows for both partners to sense how the

relationship is going. (Dr. L Industries, LLC).

When two people are separated, they know less about what is going on in each others

lives. This can cause the couple to lose interest or feel like the relationship is not as serious as if

the relationship was not long-distance. Communication is important because it helps keep

couples close and easier going about being so far away from their partner. Communication can

be through a text, phone call, letter or video chat. It helps keep each other informed about the

partners life and keeps them on each others mind. Communication is easier to communicate

more efficiently today through more accessible phone calls and video chats. By hearing a

partners voice, it creates a stronger more personable and deeper conversation compared to

letters or texting. (Dr. L Industries, LLC).

Trust is another big aspect. Trust is having reliability and belief in someone. Without

trust both partners will always be worrying and paranoid of their partner being unfaithful, and

this can harm or even be fatal to a relationship. Statistics show that walls are being built in

relationships, and wars have been waged in the United States relationships. The United States

has a forty percent divorce rate. In society, trust is something that could help aid relationships to

last. Once an individual has lied to their partner it becomes easier. Normally, lies start out small

and eventually become larger. In the long run this can creative negative impacts on any

relationship and even be the cause of its termination. It is important for both partners to have

trust in a long-distance relationship because they will not always be there to see what their

partner is doing (Dr. L Industries, LLC).

Loyalty goes along with trust. If a partner wants to be able to trust their partners loyalty,

then their partner should be able to trust them back that they will stay loyal. By being loyal you
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are being committed to each other. Being open and honest by volunteering private information is

important. Both partners should be morally committed to each other. It is also important for both

individuals to want to continue an open and healthy relationship because of personal values, not

because of social pressures. With both individuals being loyal it will allow for the other

individual in the relationship to trust the other, creating less tension in the relationship (Dr. L

Industries, LLC).

Some people define long-distance relationships when two people in a relationship cannot

see each other every day. Some people measure a long-distance relationship by how many miles

lie in between them and their partner. Whatever the definition, there are still difficulties to

maintaining a long-distance relationship. Long-distance relationships, while difficult to maintain,

also carry rewards, for those in a relationship who work through the distance find a stronger and

deeper relationship (Knox.) There is also growth in individuals that survive a long-distance

relationship. When both partners are separate they are more willing to do things that would have

took time they could have spent with their partner. This allows for the individuals to try new

things and experiment with who they are without their partners influence (Tseng) (The Center for

Long-Distance Relationships).

There is some evidence that long-distance relationships help make a more intimate

relationship then if couples who are geographically close (Knox). There are fewer interactions

with couples who are in long-distance relationships. This leads to those limited interactions being

longer and more meaningful. There is more effort put forward by the couple when they know

their time is limited. (The Center for Long-Distance Relationships).

While there are positives and negatives to long-distance relationships, they have low

success rates. Long-distance relationships are less likely to work compared to same city
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relationships. There are many long-distance relationships where one or both partners in the

relationship develop an out of sight, out of mind mentality. The mentality out of sight, out of

mind is losing feelings or not caring about a partner because they are not present. Twenty

percent of long-distance relationships end up failing (Knox). An additional twenty-five percent

of relationships are reported to growing apart or becoming worse (Knox). This out of sight, out

of mind is a thought that can lead to cheating and other negative actions on the long-distance

relationship.

There are many factors that go into all relationships. No two relationships are the same

and some relationships are meant to fail. People are always changing and growing which can

cause separation or growth. Long-distance relationships are difficult to maintain but can be

rewarding. The steps used to help maintain a healthy long-distance relationship can also be used

to help any relationship (The Center for Long-Distance Relationships).

If the idea of long-distance relationships became more positive in our culture, then there

would be a higher success rate for long-distance relationships. A strong support group can give a

long-distance relationship the edge it needs to get through the tough times (Cameron, Jessica J.

and Michael Ross). Support groups are used all the time in todays world to help people get

through tough times. A strong support group starts out with close family and friends supporting

the idea of the relationship continuing despite the distance. Long-distance relationships are

possible and can bring a couple closer.

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Work Cited

Cameron, Jessica J. and Michael Ross. "In Times of Uncertainty: Predicting the Survival of

Long-Distance Relationships." Journal of Social Psychology, vol. 147, no. 6, Dec. 2007,

pp. 581-606. EBSCOhost.

Dr. L Industries, LLC. Science of Relationships. 2014, www.scienceofrelationships.com.

Accessed 25 October 2017.

Knox, David, et al. "Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder? Long Distance Dating

Relationships among College Students." College Student Journal, vol. 36, no. 3, Sept.

2002, p. 364. EBSCOhost.

Long Distance Relationships. The Center for the Study of Long Distance Relations, 2017,

www.longdistancerelationships.net. Accessed 25 October 2017.

Tseng, Chi-Fang. "My Love, How I Wish You Were by My Side: Maintaining Intercontinental

Long-Distance Relationships in Taiwan." Contemporary Family Therapy: An

International Journal, vol. 38, no. 3, Sept. 2016, pp. 328-338. EBSCOhost.