Castellanos 1

Matthew Castellanos

Professor Ditch

English 115

4 December 2017

The Change in Gender

Many have a hard time realizing there is a difference between sex and gender. Sex is

male or female which is determine at birth by biological features. Gender is performance or a

way one behaves. In American society, there are two main genders, masculine and feminine;

each is assigned to a sex or at least thats what society wants people to think. Males are expected

to act masculine and females are expected feminine, not doing so changes the social norm and

possibly social order. However, one changes gender throughout the day and might not notice.

Well, I now have. Depending where I am and most importantly who Im with my gender

performance does change; when with a close friend, usually a girl Ill show my sensitive side

which is a feminine behavior, but when Im with guys or a group of people I have more of a

masculine performance like being competitive, but thats because society taught me because Im

a guy I have to be masculine. This reveals that ones gender does change because of the space

one is in, but people tend to stick to their gender role because they dont want to feel out of place

or looked at a different way.

To begin, only when Im with a person I feel comfortable with can I show off my

sensitive side; which to society standards, being sensitive is considered to be a feminine

performance. To show off my sensitive side means to talk about my feelings, being open, having

a connection or trying to connect with the person. I would prefer to talk more on the emotional
 Castellanos 2

side and have deeper conversations, but since showing emotion and expressing feelings is

consider a feminine performance, that might be the reason why I dont show them often or to

people I dont know too well. Theres been times where I have let my guard down, I made

myself look like a fool or they didnt really care, which raises my lack of trust in people. I am

sensitive person, but I dont usually show it often unless I feel Im in a comfortable space. My

most comfortable space is my room. I feel safe in my room, I can do whatever or be whoever I

want when Im in there, and I can block the outside world, but its not just about my room. For

me to show my sensitive side, its more important who Im with than where Im at. For example,

a new friend of mine came to my room this once time because she was feeling scared, but we

werent going to talk about our feelings just because we were in my room, however that soon

changed. After coming into my room and just hanging out, she opened up to me, putting me or

making me feel in a comfortable position to open up back; and thats how it usually works for

me. I cant or tend not to open up unless the other person does so first. According to Night to

His Day by Judith Lorber, In social interactions throughout their lives, individuals learn what

is expected of them, see what is expected, act and react in expected ways, (28). This explains

why I keep most of my feelings to myself because as a male Im not supposed to show many

emotions or feelings. As much as I want to be open and connect more to people, I tend not to. As

a guy, Im expected to be manly and not be sensitive.

Furthermore, whenever Im with a group of people or with guys I tend to have masculine

behavior. As mentioned before I act more masculine because thats what is expected of me. For

example, this one time, when I was playing a video games with friends, I realized I was being

competitive. I then realized Im always competitive when it comes to playing any type of game. I

want to beat everyone playing, I want to feel like Im the best at that game or make everyone
 Castellanos 3

playing or watching think Im the best at it. To me, it is accomplishment to win. I think Im

competitive because thats how I grew up and as a guy being competitive is the norm. In

Becoming Members of society: The Social Meanings of Gender by Arron Devor it explains

being competitive is masculine, Masculinity, then, requires of its actors that they organize

themselves and their society in a hierarchical (ranked) manner so as to be able to explicitly

quantify the achievement of success. The achievement of high status in ones social group is

requires competitive and aggressive behavior from those who wish to obtain it, (42). I realize, at

the end of the day, I was just playing my prescribed gender role. I continue to be competitive

because thats who I am, thats what is expected of me, thats what I was taught to be and thats

what I grew up to be. I cant change it anymore, its part of me and Im okay with it. I may have

grown up in the social expectation for a guy to be competitive, but that has helped me. For

following this masculine trait, I try harder in the things I want to do, I learned to not to give up,

and if I dont succeed the first time, I try again and keep moving forward. See, the problem isnt

the trait itself, the problem is labeling it masculine. I dont mind growing up competitive because

Im a guy, I do mind that girls are told not to be competitive or not usually raised competitive

because theyre females. When guys are competitive its seen as normal or no one really cares,

but when girls are competitive, they are usually looked at weird or are told to calm down. If a

girl wants to be competitive, let her be without judgement, if a guy doesnt want to be

competitive then that shouldnt be a problem, it should not really matter at all how they want to

be. Whether or not someone follows the social norm as long as theyre happy with themselves,

thats all that should matter.

In all, ones gender can change because of the space one is in. Depending on who one is

with and where one is at, they will act a certain way. They act in the way they feel more
 Castellanos 4

comfortable, but that does not mean they act in the way that they feel true to themselves. People

usually behave the gender theyre expected to be, mainly because they dont want to be judged;

thats why without even realizing it until now, I tend not to or show less of my sensitive side and

tend to or show more of my competitive side. Just as many people, I too try to fit in to my

prescribed gender role without even noticing it at times. I, as many people do not want to feel out

place, that is why many people just do what is expected of them. If one is female or wants to fit

in like a girl, that person is going to have a tendency to act more feminine, if one is male or

wants to fit in like a guy, that person is going to have a tendency to act more masculine. No one

really wants to be the odd one out. However, people are not born masculine or feminine,

according to Night to His Day; Individuals are born sexed but not gendered, they have to be

taught to be masculine or feminine, (Lorber 24). People are taught to act a certain way because

of their sex. Society created this expectation, and since people follow this expectation, following

prescribed gender roles has become the norm. However, that does not mean one should always

follow what they are told to do or followed what they have leaned. The norm can be changed. It

wont be easy to change the norm and its going to take time, but if people get to be who they

want to be then it will be worth. There should not be a big division between males and females

because of gender. A man should be comfortable to be sensitive without having to feel he is

being judged, and a woman should be able to be competitive without everyone looking down on

her, and the same for everyone who doesnt want to live up to their stereotype. I sure hope I learn

to be more comfortable with who I am around anyone, and I hope everyone else does too.

Hopefully one day, people wont be afraid to be go against the social norm and just be who they

want to be without judgement. Many change who they are because who they are with or where
 Castellanos 5

they at, but it should be changed to where people are themselves no matter who they are with and

no matter where they are at.

 Castellanos 6

Woks cited

Devor, Arron. Becoming Members of: The social Meanings of Gender. Composing Gender,

Rachael Groner and John OHara, Bedford, pp. 42.

Lorber, Judith. Night to His Day: The Social Construction of Gender. Composing Gender,

Composing Gender, Rachael Groner and John OHara, Bedford, pp. 24, 28.